Sungkyunkwan Scandal by TaMeaut by Aylam Moon

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

TaMeaut

Sungkyunkwan

Scandal

The most awaited scandal of Sungkyunkwan 1

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

TaMeaut

Moon Jae Shin Gu Yong Ha Gohro-Crazy Horse and Yeorim a Sungkyunkwan Scandal fanfiction

Written by Tameaut

tameaut.blogspot.com archiveofourown.org/users/TaMeaut edited by Aylam

thepandoraylambox.blogspot.com 2

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

TaMeaut

~ INDEX ~ -

CREEP.............(HIS X GYH)...............................05

LIVE FOREVER...............................................13

UNDISCLOSED DESIRES..................................19

- MERCY .........................................................23 - SAVE YOUR GOODBYE.................................27 - THE HARDEST OF HEARTS.....(HIS

............39

GYH)

- STORM...................................................61 - HURRICANE......................................................77 3

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

.....................................109

SAY

STARRY EYES

ILLUMINATED................................179

RIGHT

TaMeaut

..........................................165

- FAN...................................................... 187 - HOWL .............................................. 191

First print by Aylam - March of 2012 Granada - Spain

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

TaMeaut

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

TaMeaut

CREEP “When you were here before, Couldn't look you in the eye” Ha In Soo's flint hard eyes could not tear them self away from the water drops running down Yong Ha's hand and in under the sleeve of his elaborately decorated coat. When Yong Ha casually turned around, Ha in Soo immediately focused on a spot on the wall, as if the mere sight of Yong Ha was appalling. How he loathed this creature before him, his flighty ways, his breathtaking face, his piercing remarks, his lithe walk, his elegant hands, his supple, supple lips, his midnight black eyes, his... How he wanted to tear that ugly coat of him and make him kneel in front of him. How he wanted... “You're just like an angel, Your skin makes me cry” Ha In Soo swallowed hard as Yong Ha leaned forward locking his gaze with those teasing eyes and the sweet, plump lips formed the words that Ha In Soo could not for the life of him remember. He almost closed his eyes as the need became to large. How he wanted, no needed, to punch those lips until they bled and begged...for more. How he wanted... “You float like a feather In a beautiful world”

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Ha In Soo couldn't stop watching as Yong Ha was gracefully making his way along the path in his flashy yellow coat. For a second the bright smile he was showing blinded Ha In Soo and he could feel his chest clench in an unfamiliar feeling. How he wanted that smile to vanish and hear him gasp...in pain and humiliation. How he wanted... “I wish I was special You're so very special” Ha In Soo could feel the strain in his arms as he pulled back to launch the arrow. He knew he had overdone it but he would rather die than show Yong Ha any weakness as he could feel the gaze of those sharp eyes of his. Throwing a glance he could see the small smile on his lips and he realised that Yong Ha knew. He knew, and he was letting Ha In Soo know, that he knew. The realisation made Ha In Soo loose concentration for a fraction of a second and the usual perfect 10 turned into an unbelievable 5. For each tear he shed, he wanted to make those eyes shed hundreds upon hundreds. How he wanted... “But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo” So, some people didn't like the force he could display, see If Ha In Soo cared. The world would be his judge and everyone knew the world favoured power. A smirk appeared on his lips but it vanished as soon as Gu Yong Ha came into his mind. Everyone was terrified of him but not Gu Yong Ha. Yong Ha was always unaffected, untouched, pristine. How he wanted to dirty that mouth and defile that body until he would be untouched or pristine any longer. How he wanted... “What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here”

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Without knowing it Ha In Soo found himself standing outside Yong Ha's dorm room. Surprised at his own actions and before anyone could see him he hurried back to his own room and closing the doors he cursed silently as the thought of Yong Ha sleeping just inches away from him crossed his mind. Feeling the sweat break out on his forehead he wanted to throw something in release. Yes, he wanted... “I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control” The grasp on Yong Ha's coat was burning his hands but the look in Yong Ha's eyes were making him unable to stop, as if they were egging him on. He pressed harder and was rewarded with a choking sounds as his grip was blocking the oxygen to Yong Ha's lungs but the look in his eyes didn’t change. How he wanted to wipe out that defiant look in his charcoal black eyes and how he wanted those luscious kissable lips to tremble in pleas. How he wanted... “I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul” Ha In Soo innately smiled to himself as he received another appraisal for his perfect grades. There was nothing in which he wasn’t first, archery, plotting, scriptures and power. Proudly he turned around to receive the greetings of all his minions but as his glance swept over Yong Ha's figure in the crowd he saw that Yong Ha's gaze was elsewhere. The accomplishments faded to nothing as he wanted to crush that face in his hands to make those polished onyx eyes to look at him, only him. Yes, he wanted... “I want you to notice when I'm not around” Ha In Soo felt a small measure of satisfaction as the cup splintered into millions of shards and everyone around him ducked in fear. Yes, this was the reaction he wanted. But not from these worthless people but from the man

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who had neglected to show up at his command. Next time he was going to show Gu Yong Ha what power meant. Yes how he wanted to show him what happened to people that neglected Ha In Soo. Yes, how he wanted... “You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special” Ha In Soo felt a surge of killing intent, his hand crushing air as he watched the giseang planting a kiss on Yong Ha's cheek. How dared that whore touch that flawless supple skin. How dared Yong Ha sit there and take it. How dared he pout those lips and put his hand on her arm. Ha in Soo wanted to kill. He desperately wanted... “But I'm a creep I'm a weirdo” Ha In Soo almost, almost, flinched at the wounded look in Yong Ha's eyes. He had finally managed to outwit him but for some reason he couldn’t grasp, it didn’t feel like the triumphant victory he had imagined for so long. He started to open his mouth to tell him..something... , but Yong Ha beat him to it with his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes could make all the words disappear and all the victories crumble. Ha In Soo wanted those eyes. How he wanted... “What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here” Ha In Soo was drinking alone. He had waited for hours but as usual his command had glossed over Yong Ha. Still he was waiting, refusing to name the feeling that was crushing his heart. Maybe he had drunk to much, as if such a thing would ever occur. He wanted this feeling to disappear...as much as he wanted Yong Ha to come...so he could punish him.

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He wanted... “She's running out again She's running out She run run run run... run... run...” Ha In Soo could feel the power slip through is fingers as Yong Ha put his hand on his shoulder and with those eyes teased him without a word. As Yong Ha's hand slipped of and he walked in to the night Ha In Soo could not breath as Yong Ha's words were playing on repeat in his mind. He wanted to reach his hands out and grab Yong Ha...to hold him..in place...to... He desperately wanted... “Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want” Ha In Soo was pleased with himself. He had finally found a hold on Yong Ha and now he couldn't escape. Finally, finally Yong Ha would be his and his only. Now if he would only stay silent and do as Ha In Soo told him all would be fine. Smiling ruefully Ha In Soo was already thinking of ways to reward Yong Ha for his silence. Maybe he wanted a new coat, or maybe a new fan. Maybe he wanted... “You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special” Ha In Soo breathed in the beauty of the man in front of him. Even in his shame and defeat he was glowing. His night black eyes were slowly filling with tears and his lips trembled as he stood his ground and would not let Ha In Soo rule him. He wanted to crush this magnificent creature to his chest and kiss those trembling lips and throw him down and... He wanted like he had never wanted before...

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“But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo” Even as Ha In Soo realised that this careful plan had been completely destroyed in a mere instance by the admittance of Yong Ha, he couldn’t stop his furiously beating heart. As Yong Ha turned to him and with a fierce voice highly proclaimed that he was “the Gu Yong Ha”, he knew he had lost. He knew he had lost and the feeling of defeat was sealing his lips. He knew he had lost and he wanted to take back every word and undo what he had done. For the first time in his life he wanted to take it all back... for someone...for Yong Ha. Ha In Soo wanted to undo what he had done but it was to late now, for he had already lost him. Still he wanted. “What the hell am I doin' here?” Ha In Soo watched as Yong Ha was gathering up his scattered possessions from the ground and he knew that it was all his fault. A suffocating pain he had never felt before was spreading slowly over his chest making it hard to breath. Suddenly Yong Ha turned around and locked his gaze and Ha In Soo knew that Yong Ha knew. Those eyes told him volumes upon volumes and it made Ha In Soo gasp in understanding as he read them. Ha In Soo had wanted...and Yong Ha had known...he had always known...

“I don't belong here.. “

“When a man's knowledge is sufficient to attain, and his virtue is not sufficient to enable him to hold, whatever he may have gained, he will lose again” The parting words of Yong Ha kept ringing in his ears as he was again drinking alone in the dark. The pain in his chest had subdued by each cup he poured but for some reason they seemed to refill his eyes instead.

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Maybe he was drunk he thought. Yes, he was most definitely drunk for no matter what he did he could not stop this want. Yes, Ha In Soo wanted... How he wanted... Desperately he wanted... Until his entire being was cloyed with want...

and now he knew the word for it, for Yong Ha's eyes had told him.

The word was... ...love...

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Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

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LIVE FOREVER ”If we all should die tonight We will have no regrets”

~oOo~ Part I - Gone Away Soundtrack: Gone Away – SafetySuit ”I think about life, and how it changes so fast and how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give ”

- “To give your life, for what you believe in.” Yong Ha had always scowled at the ones who spouted such nonsense. What ridiculous fellows, giving up your precious life for mere thoughts or words. When there were so many wonderful things to live for. What foolishness. Yet here he was. Not really understanding how he got there. Giving up your life for another person, what purpose could there be to that? he had chuckled to himself. Yet here he was. Gu Yong Ha, the greatest fool of all. His body had reacted before his mind.

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After a lifetime of making fun of people wishing foolishly for a better world. Mocking people who would give their life for someone without a second thought. Here he was, lying in a pool of his own blood, slowly seeping from the arrow lodged deeply inside his chest. And finally it all made sense. His life, for someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. For someone he believed in. Yes, it made such perfect sense that he would have laughed, if it wasn't for the dark liquid gurgling up inside, threatening to suffocate him. Making a choked sound as it welled up and over his lips, he let his mind wander to the one person he believed in. Yes, it was true. For the first time he could feel the preciousness of life, the value of his life. And he knew that what he believed in was worth the price he was paying. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;To give your life....for what you believe in....for who you believe in...â&#x20AC;? was not any longer empty words. It was a gift. That could only be given in love. Finally I have something only I can give...that is only mine to give...to whomever I chose... I only wish... His thoughts were slowly fading with the darkness seeping into his mind and the coldness spreading in his limbs. ...wish just once... Smiling, he pictured himself being held, as he traced the night sky with his darkening eyes. I wish... ah...a star fell... His glossy eyes mirrored the the stars above him just as the liquid spreading underneath him did, until he resembled a yellow petal floating in a sea of falling stars.

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Part II - Meteor Shower Soundtrack: Meteor Shower – Owl City ”I am not my own, for I have been made new. Please don't let me go, I desperately need you ”

Jae Shin drew a breath of the cold air and looked up just as the sky became lit up by a multitude of small glittering lights. He had never seen anything like it before and for a moment he was just standing there gaping, watching the lights seemingly raining down. A harsh shout in the distance brought him back and his mind immediately went to his mission. He had someone he needed to find. Desperately. He started running again in the direction he thought Yong Ha could have taken. What had Yong Ha been doing out anyway? Jae Shin was angry, frustrated and terrified. He had known from the beginning that Yong Ha was trailing him. Yong Ha had an uncanny sense of knowing everything Jae Shin did and it was not uncommon for him to talk midnight walks exactly where Jae Shin had decided to attack. Usually they pretended like they didn't know what each was doing, and Yong Ha never interfered, but tonight had been different. Jae Shin had been unprepared for the ambush but managed to get away in the crowd. That was, until they brought the archer. Jae Shin had run for his life but still managed to get hit in the arm. As he bleeding passed a too familiar canary yellow coat on the street he had been sure he was going to be hit again, but nothing had come.

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Thinking they had missed he had continued running until, passing a corner, he had glanced back. His breath had caught in his throat as he realised that the yellow coat was standing in the middle of the street, blocking the path between Jae Shin and the archer. He was about to run back when Yong Ha had looked over his shoulder to Jae Shin and given him wink. Jae Shin smiled and in a flash he was gone. He had hidden until it was calm and he was just about to move back to Sungkyunkwan when some men passed by his hiding place and he overheard broken sentences of their talk. -”I have never … do something like that before...did you see?” - ”Yes... walked right into the street... must have been drunk ... stupid...” - ”Yes, the funny ... disappeared ... the arrow ... seriously hurt... vanished...” - ”...and that yellow coat...” Jae Shin's heart was hammering enough to bruise his ribs from the inside. But he gave me the signal? Could it be true? Could Yong Ha be hurt? So he ran. With his heart beating away. With his mind going wild. He ran as fast as the fear was spreading inside him. He ran, and ran. And then he found him. Yes, tonight had been different. He would remember this night for the rest of his life. His life. The life he had gotten in exchange. While the sky was falling down around him in tiny drops of light, he walked up to Yong Ha, stepping into the pool surrounding him and knelt. Yong Ha's gift was his to give to whomever he chose and all Jae Shin could do was accept. For this gift is not something you can return, once it has been given.

Just like love...

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Warmth vanishes so quickly when no one is there to hold you, Jae Shin quietly thought as he wrapped his arms around Yong Ha's cold body as Yong Ha's polished eyes revealed nothing but the dark of the sky and the rain of stars still falling.

Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

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Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

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UNDISCLOSED DESIRES “I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart”

God knows what Moon Jae Shin had to go through for that girls sake, Goel Oh thought as another bucket of ice cold water was poured over his head. Yong Ha was not taking it easy on him. That was the third bucket and he had poured it right over his head this time, completely soaking Jae Shin down to his feet. Thankfully it was pretty warm in the air still or Jae Shin would most likely catch a cold. As soon as Yon Hee had gone out of sight Yong Ha had caught Goel Oh with those eyes that told him he wouldn’t be able to get away this time. So Jae Shin, sighing knowing better than to protest, started to strip until he was just in his pants to let Yong Ha give him the backwash he had promised “Yoon Shik”. Yong Ha was also stripped down to his pants as he closed in on Jae Shin with the soap. - “Sooo...” Yong Ha , having soaped in his hand until they were foaming, resolutely put both of his hands on Jae Shins soaked back and in slow languorous movements started moving them over Jae Shins heated skin. “you let Daemul pick up your things eh? ” Jae Shin couldn’t stop a shiver as he felt those hands sliding up over his neck touching the base of his skull and then continuing over his throat and shoulder. - “You bad boy...” Yong Has hands went down again and smoothly slid to the sensitive sides of Jae Shins abdomen, making Jae Shin suck in his breath and bite his lip to stifle a moan that was threatening to be heard. “I never knew you were so careless with your things?"

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Yong Has hands slid further down and touched the edge of Jae Shins pants as they grazed his hipbones. - “Ahh...” Jae Shin tried to make the moan sound as of he agreed to what Yong Ha said as arousal was stirring in his groin. Yong Has fingers were ruling him. - “You really should not treat him so bad...” And Yong Has hands went back to Jae Shins back but this time he grazed the spine with is nails all the way down to the edge of the buttocks. Jae Shin couldn't stop the torrent of goosebumps that riveted from the top of his head all the way down to his curling toes. He closed his eyes in rapture, still chewing on his lip trying to keep quiet. - “...someone might decide to punish you..” Yong Ha glided his hands past the sides underneath the armpits and to Jae Shins front. “now...if you instead were a good boy...” leaning in on Jae Shins soapy back with his naked chest Yong Ha moulded into him letting his hands softly tease Jae Shins chest, casually brushing past the nipples with his nimble fingers. “Goel Oh...” The last words were breathed into Jae Shins ear. - “Ahhh..” This time there were no masking the growl from Jae Shins throat. He was almost delirious at the sensual pleasure of Yong Has chest sliding against his back and his hands drawing out ripples of pleasure on his chest. “you might be rewarded...”and Yong Has slick, soapy hands slid from the chest to the abdomen and all the way down to the edge of Jae Shins pants. “bountifully rewarded...” Yong Ha was still breathing into his ear as Jae Shin could feel one of Yong Has hands seeking underneath the white fabric of his pants, and he held his breath. As Yong Has soapy hand slid over Jae Shins hardness Jae Shin groaned something that sounded like Yong Has name and pressed closer to his chest - “...instead of punished...” and in an instant Yong Ha sensual presence was removed and Jae Shin barely had time to lament the exquisite loss before another bucket of ice cold water hit his head.

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Smutty version

1. Coughing and sputtering he whipped around to tell Yong Ha off when he Yong Ha launched himself on Jae Shin and moaning into his mouth, kissed Jae Shin breathless. All thoughts flew out of his brain like migrating gees and all he could do was kiss back as his entire body was on fire, feeling the wet body of Yong Ha pressing on his arousal.

Smutty end 1.1 Reward: - “So, will you tell me? What is Kim Yoon Shik?” Yong Ha kissing and caressing was making Jae Shin unable to think. - “Yes, yes...I will tell you everything...just ..please..Oh..God..” Jae Shins mind was melting under Yong Has skilful hands and tongue. 1.2 Punishment: - “So, if you wont tell me what Kim Yoon Shik is, I will just have to drag it from you” Yong Ha continued his kiss and caresses until he was making Jae Shin unable to think. - “I have no..idea..what you are talking....aaaahh..bout...just ..please..Oh..God..” Jae Shins mind was melting under Yong Has skilful hands and tongue.

Fluffy version 2. Coughing and sputtering he whipped around to tell Yong Ha off only to realise that his pants were soaked and clearly revealing his obvious arousal. Yong Ha just cocked an eyebrow and gave him that all-knowing smile that did nothing to dampen Jae Shins lust. He also realised that Yong Ha was equally wet and, as his pants moulded to the body, it was pretty obvious that Yong Ha had not been completely unaffected by their water-play either.

Smutty end 2.1 Reward: Breaching the short distance in a few steps Jae Shin lifted Yong Ha like he was a sack of hay over the shoulder and walking briskly towards Yong Has room he added with an anticipating smile - “I will show you what GOOD boys do if pushed to far...” 2.2 Punishment: Breaching the short distance in a few steps Jae Shin lifted Yong Ha like he was a sack of hay over the shoulder and walking briskly towards Yong Has room he added with an anticipating smile - “I will show you what BAD boys do if pushed to far...”

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Comedy version 3. Coughing and sputtering he whipped around to tell Yong Ha off when he collided with him since he was standing just inches behind Jae Shin. Loosing his balance he managed to tumble on top of Yong Ha in a very compromising position, his mouth only millimetres away from Yong Has.

Smutty end 3.1 To hell with it, Jae Shin thought and breached those last millimetres to Yong Has lips. Yong Has supple lips and his writhing body underneath Jae Shin was making his body burn in lust. Just as Yong Ha was wrapping his leg around the waist of Jae Shin, Yon Hee came around the corner with his jangchigi stick and ball. - “Goel Oh sayung...I found your things....” and big eyed she just stared at the two semi-naked men elongated on the ground, and all red and flustered she added - “sorry..I didn't mean to disturb...sorry...I will come back later...” and then she turned on a heel and rushed back to the field. Jae Shin, at first distraught at being found in such a compromising situation wanted to run after her to explain but as Yong Has lithe body underneath him was teasing his arousal he realised that there was no way in *** he would not continue what they had started. So with a growl he again claimed Yong Has lips in a fierce kiss that left them both delirious in passion.

Comedy end 3.2 Just then Yon Hee came around the corner with his jangchigi stick and ball. - “Goel Oh sayung...I found your things....” and big eyed she just stared at the two semi-naked men elongated on the ground, and flustered she added - “sorry..I didn't mean to disturb...sorry...I will come back later...” and then she turned on a heel and rushed back to the field. “Nooo....its not what it looks like...” Jae Shin jumped up and ran after Yoon Hee to try and explain. - “He really is a bad, bad boy...guess I will just have to punish him again..and again...until he learns...” Yong Ha was already looking forward to it.

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MERCY “Mercy - are you everything which put the sex into bitch, just faking, do you fake it?”

When Yong Ha was swallowed up by the darkness of the forest around him he leant on the closest tree and unceremoniously emptied the content of his stomach on the ground. He couldn’t keep it in any longer, the brutal truth made his guts twist in sadistic pain. His hand grasped the tree until his nails broke into the bark with a crunch. The palpitating motion would have brought tears to his eyes if they had not been there to begin with. - "It is Kim Yoon Shik's..."

~ Body ~ Yong Ha felt ice and fire alternating in his veins and his tears were burning tracks on his cheeks. He could feel all the sore bruises from their lovemaking, outside and inside, taunting him. Yes, for a short while Yong Ha had completely forgotten. His heart overflowing he had not hesitated for a second to give all of himself in a last desperate hope that Jae Shin would finally see, really see Yong Ha. After all, the heated way he had kissed him and the look in his eyes had brought foolish hope to Yong Ha's heart. But.. He didn’t see me at all, did he? Again he folded over as another violent attack of nausea came over him but there would come nothing more than half suffocated coughs. The motion

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induced a flash of pain to coarse through him causing a small trickle to travel along his leg. - "Give it back..." Jae Shin's eyes in this moment were forever burnt into Yong Ha's retina as Yoon Shik's face must have been burnt into Jae Shin's when he was unfurling himself into Yong Ha. Slumping against the tree when his legs couldn’t carry him anymore he realised he was shaking badly. - "It is Kim Yoon Shik's..."

~ Mind ~ Defiled... The beauty of what Yong Ha had just given Jae Shin was forever defiled by that sentence. A painful sob broke free from his throat. I did it to myself, he thought. I was the one offering when I knew. Yes, it is all my own fault...but still it hurts. It hurts. Yong Ha sobbed. He curled up his legs against his body and wrapped his arms against them in a feeble attempt to stop the shakes, but it did little good. Even if it had been his first time he felt like all his innocence had been swallowed up by Jae Shin's simple declaration. Is there anymore ways to hurt, he casually thought as he remembered the sharp pain of Jae Shin entering him. Didn’t he realise? Didn’t he see? Didn’t he feel it? Silent sobs wrecked him once again. But no, Jae Shin must not have seen that Yong Ha's gift was one he would only have given in love. Yes, he must have thought... Whore...

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The word made him widen his eyes in horror and he let out a painful gasp in perfect understanding. What other word was there? Or at least HE must have thought.... Whore... I am Gu Yong Ha... whore... I am Gu Yong Ha...He kept repeating it like a mantra as if it would remove the pain. I am Gu Yong Ha... - “Gu Yong Ha”, his name echoed softly in the distance but it did not matter to him. Until he recognised the voice. He flew up trying desperately to correct his clothing and wipe his face with the sleeve. Jae Shin had come back for him. His heart made a leap of joy. Was it true? Had he really come back? Maybe... - “Gu Yong Ha” The voice was closer and the velvety softness of it caused Yong Ha to shiver. Taking a deep breath, rearranging his face he stepped out of the darkness trying to make his tear-hoarse voice sound unaffected. - “Hm? Goel Oh? What are you doing here?” Please, I beg you, hold me and tell me... Tell me that it meant something to you too. Tell me I am not a... Show me mercy...

- “Did you find your fan?”

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~ Soul ~ Yong Ha's heart stopped its beating forever, he turned cold as snow. That was all? He searched Jae Shin's face for clues but he couldn’t focus anymore. The pain was a huge brick wall stopping him from deciphering Jae Shin's face. Am I really nothing to you? Is it true that you wouldn’t mind death even if I was there? Do you know me so little that you think I would do this with others? Did you see her face in me? Did you? Answer me... Whore... The word echoed brutally in his head giving him a harsh awakening to the real world. There would be no mercy for him so drowning his pain in the deepest recess of his soul he composed himself as only Yong Ha could do and brushed the question away with a fake smile. - “Ah, the fan? I think I left it at the camp after all.” Still smiling at Jae Shin he placed his arm over his shoulder. The heat from Jae Shin was scorching Yong Ha where he touched but he didn't dare let go lest he would crumble. The heat was his lifeline. Please, let me keep together until we get back, he begged inside his mind. Sighing, he patted Jae Shin’s chest with the other hand. - “Should we go now?” and clinging to Jae Shin , Yong Ha made the largest effort of his life to not break down sobbing. Body Mind Soul Are there any more ways to feel pain? Mercy

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Sungkyunkwan Scandal - Gohro & Yeorim

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SAVE YOUR GOODBYE “Excuse me, your heart is in my heart”

Emperor purple, soft peach pink, kingly crimson red, deep sea blue, spring sprout green. A veritable rainbow of colours assaults Jae Shins brittle senses as Yong Ha roams through his wardrobe in search for something newer, better, more astounding. - “What about this one?” Yong Ha holds up a canary yellow coat that is just screaming his name and presses it to his chest while posing in front of the large mirror. - “Ahh...” is Jae Shins only reply as he can not for the life of him make any other sound. All he can do is wonder how, no matter what Yong Ha holds up for display, all looks magnificent on Yong Ha. Especially that yellow coat. - “Ahh...I am going insane...what shall I wear...” Yong Ha is frantic as he throws the yellow coat to the floor and returns to the cupboard tearing out even more things in search for the perfect frock. As Yong Ha is fretting with his clothing Jae Shin takes another sip from the cup and leans on a pillow. Here in Yong Ha's lavish room there is a peace he cannot find in any other place, a calm that pervades his senses in the most extraordinary ways. He takes yet another sip, his eyes never leaving the busy figure on the other side of the room. How come Yong Ha's pillows are so fluffy. Why is it that his wine is always so good. Jae Shin closes his eyes, intently listening to Yong Ha's antics, as he is dressing, redressing and undressing. Why is it so calm here, even with Yong Ha going at it like this? Why even bother with choosing robes, Jae Shin thinks, when they all suit you so well. Although secretly, secretly he likes seeing a flustered Yong Ha. It is a part of Yong Ha that Yong Ha never shows to other people, except to Jae Shin. It is a private thing, only they share.

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He stretches out on the beckoning pillows and his hand encounters the discarded robe, forgotten in a corner. The fabric is deludingly soft at his touch and he lazily wonders if you can feel colour through touch, and if you can, what colour would Yong Ha's skin be? Luminously yellow, he decides, for obviously it is just as soft as the fabric twinning between his teasing fingers. That is the last lingering thought Jae Shin has before he unknowingly falls asleep with a smile, the small drinking cup dropping from his hand and hitting the floor with a transparent clink.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hello, you've taken this too far Am I just a piece you push in your board game? Have you been laughing all day long? You like it when it's hard for me to see straight You make it go on and on and on and on and onâ&#x20AC;?

It is high summer. Humid and hot enough to cook pork buns on the stepping stones outside the lecture hall. Uncomfortable in their mandatory uniforms, the young Sungkyunkwan scholars listen intently to Professor Jung as he vividly focuses their attention on the joys of reading the classics. Everyone likes Professor Jung but they cannot help but wonder how long the lecture is going to take. They all harbour, more or less, a desire to run out of there and throw themselves in the shadow, or splash some water overhead. All but one. Moon Jae Shin has his focus elsewhere. His eyes are painfully locked at the gracefully curved neck of Gu Yong Ha, who uncomfortably shifts in his seat.

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Moon Jae Shin does not feel the heat or the humidity, he feels something else entirely. Something much more ...acute. Pearls of sweat are forming on the damp skin and as they begin to join each other, gravity takes over and they slowly, slowly trail a path over the tender flesh of the neck and under the collar of white silk. Moon Jae Shin swallows hard as he imagines the path that drop will take underneath Yong Ha's robe. Now, another droplet is running down Yong Has cheek, next to the ear. Jae Shin is mesmerized as the droplet is absorbed by the lock of hair that has escaped from the cap, slightly curling it around the lobe of the ear. Then, for what seems like minutes, it releases the drop once more to continue its path down the soft curve of the jaw. Jae Shin randomly wonders how it will taste. - “Yes, scholar Moon Jae Shin? You have something to add to our discussion?” Professor Jung asks with a raised eyebrow since Moon Jae Shin is not famous for partaking in school activities. Moon Jae Shin has to tear his eyes away by force to answer the calling and it is not until he looks at Professor Jung that he realises that he has brought his hand up. It is just centimeters away from Yong Ha's face and that teasing sweat drop. Instantaneously he lowers his arm and looks away. - “I..I have nothing, it's nothing...” He can feel the silk in his robe absorb the excess dampness caused by his flushing face. - “Yes, well, please don't hesitate if there s something you wish to ask me. Or maybe you are to shy to ask here in class?” Professor Jung is famous for his good humour and usually Jae Shin enjoys it thoroughly, but not now. He curses silently the fact that he ended up sitting next to Yong Ha. He curses that he cannot control himself. He curses that he was found out in such an obvious manner. - “Yes, Goel Oh. Please don't be shy, and tell us!” Yong Ha's eyes are glittering in withheld laughter as they pin Jae Shin where he sits. Then he leans forward, his forehead almost touching Jae Shins ear, and adds - “or is it something that we shouldn't know about? Maybe naughty?”

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At which the entire classroom bursts out laughing. Somehow seeing the terrifying Goel Oh being teased so relentlessly by the fearless Gu Yong Ha is a very endearing sight. Or maybe its the very idea of Moon Jae Shin appearing more human, closer to them, by the fact that he also thinks about other things during class. - “Aish, its nothing I said...damned punk...” Jae Shin mutters as his eyes darts from side to side. He doesn't know where to look as Yong Ha keeps pinning him with his penetrating eyes. Jae Shin would like to be angry at this obvious lack of respect for his person but secretly, secretly he smiles at Yong Ha's obvious joy at teasing him. Everything is worth seeing his eyes light up, his mouth curve in a smile and those perfect teeth showing as he laughs. Jae Shin is willing to give anything for that, even having the others laugh at him. He looks away before the inner smile reaches his lips, but in the corner of his eye he sees that Yong Ha has already seen it. It is as if they have a secret only they share.

“I beg your pardon, you're standing on my love Hello, have you not had enough? Yeah, it's my time to shine and my sword is true You're back inside my mind, I can still remember”

The night is dark and slightly chilly as the two men who are each others polar opposites face off.

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- “Then, did you think I wouldn’t know? Did you see me as an idiot who can’t even recognize his decade-long friend’s writing? Me? Don’t go. Aren’t you afraid? You could die!” Jae Shin feels his heart squeeze painfully at Yong Ha's words, but he ignores it. Yes, he has violently underestimated Yong Ha and now, faced with Yong Ha's pain of deception, he is more than ashamed. He should have told him, he should have confided in Yong Ha. His excuse, that Yong Ha should not be punished if something goes wrong, now feels horrifyingly empty, so shame colours his retort. - “Afraid? Why should I be afraid? Living is not any more fun.” Even before he finishes the sentence he can hear Yong Ha draw his breath. Jae Shin doesn't even have to see Yong Ha's face to know he is crying. He doesn't want this, but the memory of his brother is still strong and he doesn't want to let it go. Not yet. Then how come right now his brother feels very far away and Yong Ha feels closer than ever. Is he making the wrong choice? - “If being alive is worth no more than death, then what am I to you who’s by your side? Go! Go… live as you wish… And get lost!“ It is words that Jae Shin deserves after what he has said, but they still hurt. Like a sharp shard is lodged between his rib and heart. Torn between his brothers ghost and Yong Ha's agony the choice seems simple, but honour will not let him stay. He is hurt that Yong Ha thinks so little of him. Would he be Moon Jae Shin if he let this go? In this moment, is not that all he has left, his integrity. So pride fills his reply.

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- “Then…you want me to just sit around and watch as the truth that my brother gave his life for… ...gets forgotten as that of a thief and a murderer? In front of my own eyes, and moreover, because of me! Is living like that a life at all?" The words are burning Jae Shin's throat as he almost screams them, but he can't stop now. Jae Shin turns around with a furiously aching heart, before Yong Ha's eyes will make him waver. He cannot take Yong Ha's tears, more so when he is the culprit. - “Don’t worry, Gu Yong Ha. I won’t let them touch a hair on my head, and will come back safely.” In Jae Shin's mind it is clear what he has to do, but his heart is telling him something else. He sets off, leaving Yong Ha orphaned in the night, swearing to himself that he will return, without fail. For someone is waiting for him, impatiently.

“I say I'm chasing dreams, but you know I've been running away from, running away from you”

He smells it before Yong Ha has even come around the corner. That strong, musky perfume that can only come from one place, and one woman. Somehow that smell always makes him prickly and agitated. He tells himself that it is because it is hurting his nose, but he knows that it isn't the real reason.

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No, there are other, more valid, reasons but even as he doesn't want to acknowledge them they pervade his senses. Mental images of a splendid Yong Ha rolling around in the brightly coloured skirts of a gisaeng fills his mind, a brilliantly laughing Yong Ha charming all the women at the table until they blush in anticipation, a half dressed Yong Ha pulling the ribbon of a top. He hates it, these insinuations. He hates it, yet he cannot escape it every time he smells that perfume, like an annoying habit. - “Aish...what do I care...” Jae Shin, angry at himself, turns around to disappear before Yong Ha sees him, but he is much too late. In a flash of green, Yong Ha is around his neck, and he is not very sober. - “Aigoo, Goel Oh...here you are...” Yong Ha stinks of alcohol and mixed with the cloud of perfume the odour is so dense it is on the point of choking. - “You should have come with me tonight...friend...” Yong Ha leans in and whispers in Jae Shins ear. - “They have a new girl! And the things she can do...” Yong Ha snickers insinuatingly. - “Leave me be.” Jae Shin roughly detaches Yong Ha's arm from around his shoulder and stomps away, hoping Yong Ha will not follow. He doesn't want to hear these things. He doesn't want to know. - “Goel Oh....oh..Goel Oh” As expected Yong Ha is as unfazed as always, clumsily chasing after Jae Shin. It isn't until Yong Ha stumbles and falls that Jae Shin slows down and then stops. He wavers between taking his chance and disappearing or to go back and check if Yong Ha is ok. In the end he curses his kind heart as he dejectedly walks up to Yong Ha, who is sitting on the ground woeing over his foot. - “Aigoo, I think I have broken something...” Jae Shin bends down to take a look at Yong Ha's wrist, completely sure he is faking it but discovers that Yong Ha has indeed seriously twisted his ankle.

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Yong Ha looks up with his cheeks all red of spirits and a panicked look in his eyes. - “Do you think it's really broken? Eh...Goel Oh...tell me the truth..” - “You will survive...its not broken...” Jae Shin cannot resist such an obviously vulnerable Yong Ha and with a sigh he resigns himself to the obvious course of action. - “Here, put your arms around my neck...” Yong Ha does so and then Jae Shin heaves up Yong Ha on his broad back. He has done it countless times before and the feel of Yong Ha's weight feels almost comfortable. As he starts to walk towards the dorms Yong Ha leans on Jae Shin and starts talking about everything and nothing. Jae Shin isn't really listening but somehow the sound of Yong Ha's voice is familiarly soothing in the dark night and he smiles to himself. - “How come you are always so warm, Goel Oh...” Yong Ha is mumbling into his neck and Jae Shin can feel Yong Ha's entire body starting to relax into him. Soon he can hear how Yong Ha's mumblings gets lower and lower and the last thing Jae Shin can hear, before Yong Ha falls asleep on his back, makes him smile even more. - “Goel Oh...you should have seen...the new girl could do...she had this puzzle cube...she solved...just a few minutes...incredible...” Then all Jae Shin could hear was the soft snoring of a sound asleep Yong Ha. The picture of Yong Ha, bright eyed like a child, trying to solve a puzzle cube with a gisaeng, is slowly replacing the other images that had filled his mind earlier and the strong smell of perfume turns slightly less nauseating. For Jae Shin knows, he knows how innocent Yong Ha really is. He is the only one who knows and he cherishes that more than Yong Ha will ever now. Maybe one day he will tell Yong Ha how much. Still smiling to himself he walks slowly, for he knows that this moment will only last until he reaches the dorm, and he wants to cherish it some more.

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So he walks slowly as Yong Ha softly breaths against his neck, thinking that maybe a drunk, stinking Yong Ha isn't that bad at all.

“Some sort of comfort in your pain, I can't help but take it No matter how I change there'll be no escaping”

Something is just not right... Jae Shin thinks as he lies in Yong Ha's comfortable bed, propped up against a cloud of pillows. Yong Ha affluently wets a cloth and carefully starts wiping the blood of the jagged edge of Jae Shin's chest wound. Jae Shin is used to it but he still have to restrain himself from flinching in pain. It isn't a very deep wound but it is new and the blood just won't stop flowing. Yes, something is strange tonight. Jae Shin thinks as it strikes him that is it as quiet in the room, as the night outside the door. Usually Yong Ha fills any silence by just being himself. He prattles about, scolds Jae Shin for getting hurt or even yells at him and then laughs it off somehow. Now oppressive silence rules Yong Ha's room and surprisingly Jae Shin finds it very disturbing. - “I will need to sew this.” Yong Ha states in a slightly detached matter-of-fact tone. - “Ahh...” Jae Shin knows how much Yong Ha hates doing that, being slightly squeamish at the sight of blood and such. However it wouldn't be the first time and Jae

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Shin completely trusts Yong Ha, so he leans back into the pillows and braces himself as Yong Ha threads the needle and carefully pricks the edge of the wound. Though this time Jae Shin doesn't even flinch, the wound is hurting plenty enough for a needle to make a difference. As Yong Ha is concentrating on sewing neat stitches, Jae Shin tries to focus on something else than the throbbing pain on his chest. His mind wanders and without error, it gravitates towards Yong Ha, as a moth to an open flame. Slowly, slowly Jae Shin is getting aware of their physical closeness and the intimate atmosphere of the small room. Being so close to a a quiet, concentrated Yong Ha is indeed very distracting and Jae Shin can feel how slowly, slowly Yong Ha's entire being is penetrating Jae Shins unconscious barrier, like osmosis. It strikes Jae Shin how narrow Yong Ha's presence is when he is silent, as if it was glued to his very skin. Maybe this is the reason Yong Ha always scares him half to death, just appearing when he least expect it. Yong Ha is virtually undetectable when quiet. The last thought makes Jae Shin let out a chuckle. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;funny...â&#x20AC;? He doesn't even notice that he has spoken out loud until he hears it echo in the silent room. Jae Shin has never thought about this before and he feels as if he has learnt something new, something precious. He looks down on Yong Ha's face, completely concentrated on the sewing. The little lamp is flickering and shadows dance across Yong Ha's eyelashes and onto his cheeks. Jae Shin looks more intently as the shadow-play fascinates him and then it strikes him hard in his chest. Those are tears. Warm, salty droplets cling to Yong Ha's eyelashes and releases down his cheeks. Jae Shin is bewildered. Why is Yong Ha crying? Has something happened that Jae Shin doesn't know about? Surely it cannot be because of the wound? Because of Jae Shin? As Jae Shin ponders all the reasons for Yong Ha's tears, Yong Ha finishes the sewing and nips the thread.

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- “There, all finished...” That is all Yong Ha says, not looking up. Jae Shin recognises the slight tremble in his voice. - “Thank you...Yong Ha...” and he brings up his hand gently wiping away a tear from Yong Ha's cheek with his thumb. The gentle gesture, so unlike Jae Shin, makes Yong Ha whip his head up and Jae Shin finds himself hurting more from the look in Yong Ha's eyes than from the wound on his chest. Excruciating pain, random hurt, terrorising fear, endless love. Yong Ha's eyes are full of conflicting emotions and it leaves Jae Shin mute and ashamed. For now he knows that he is indeed the reason for Yong Ha's sadness. - “Yong H...” Jae Shin doesn't get to finish the sentence before Yong Ha throws himself in Jae Shins arms, sobbing. - “You...bastard...I really thought...don't you ever...do that again...” Yong Ha's ramblings, between his sobs are so endearing that Jae Shin cannot help himself from smiling. Now, this is the Yong Ha he knows. The usual animate Gu Yong Ha. Nevertheless, he cannot help himself from flinching at the pain from the wound as Yong Ha holds him in an iron grip, not letting go. But it is a good pain, for it tells him he is alive and compared to the pain Jae Shin saw in Yong Ha's eyes he would rather feel this physical pain any time, over and over again. So, as Jae Shin calmly sits in Yong Ha's room on a particularly quiet night, with a violently sobbing Yong Ha in his arms, he fondly thinks that there are far worse ways of spending an evening than in the company of someone who loves you so.

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“I say I'm chasing time but you know I've been running away, running away from you Save your goodbye You're everywhere I go”

- “So is my place here then?” Yong Ha entire face lights up as he smiling throws his arm around Jae Shins shoulders and this time Jae Shin doesn’t make an effort to throw them off. Yong Ha is the king of insinuations but this time Jae Shin doesn't feel even slightly offended by the implication. For he knows. Jae Shin knows that it is not he who is the fixed point for Yong Ha but the opposite. Jae Shins place is by the side of Yong Ha, and it will always be so. A great joy fills his heart and he uncharacteristically laughs out loud. Yes, if there ever was a place he would call home that would be here, right by Gu Yong Ha's side. Maybe, just maybe one day, Jae Shin will tell him so.

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THE HARDEST OF HEARTS ”Behind my eyes, is rage alone But you don't understand, it was all home-grown I'm not afraid, I just don't belong It may be cynical, but it all seems wrong Watching, Waiting, Shaping, Faking Shouting, Pumping, Mocking, Stopping Falling, Stalling, Warning, Crawling Rejecting, Perfecting, Loving, Ending”

Part I:

Hardest of Hearts

Soundtrack: Hardest of Hearts - Florence And The Machine

“There is love in your body but you can't get it out It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste”

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Gu Yong Ha. The name at the tip of his tongue somehow tasted as sweet as the melting honey fudge you could find in the market, but left an unexpectedly bitter aftertaste. Gu Yong Ha. The words exhaled in his hot breath against that perfect shell of an ear, felt less bitter as the innate scent that was Yong Ha's very own filled his nostrils. For a second, Ha In Soo closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. For a second, Ha In Soo pretended, and let the mask of his face dissolve, a small content smile forming on his rigid lips. Then the second was lost as Yong Ha irritatedly pushed him off and took two forceful steps away from In Soo's imposing figure. - “Don't be ridiculous. I have no intention of restraining myself in my choice of friends, just because you demand it.” Yong Ha's voice had the high overtones of anger that suited him so well. As In Soo turned around and let go of his hand resting on the wall, where he had cornered Yong Ha. His mask automatically slipped into place and the smile faded away into the familiar scowl. - “As I said, it is only a friendly reminder from someone who wishes you well.” It annoyed In Soo to no end that Yong Ha favoured Lee Sun Joon, Kim Yon Shik and Moon Jae Shin. They were all nothing in comparison to what In Soo could give Yong Ha, yet he insisted on degrading himself, preferring their company to In Soo's. Especially Moon Jae Shin was getting on In Soo's nerves. There was something in the way Yong Ha's eyes lit up and the way he talked about him that always made In Soo clench his fists and grit his teeth. Yong Ha was always watching Jae Shin. In Soo was always watching Yong Ha. Yong Ha turned around and narrowed his eyes at In Soo. - “You think I am ruled by you?” In Soo heard the words but he was so lost in his those polished discs of ebony, that the words meant nothing. No matter how many times he looked into Yong Ha's eyes, he was always startled at the impact they had. As if he could

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see right inside In Soo's mind and soul. For a second Ha In Soo had no reply, completely forgetting the subject of conversation. - “hrmm...I just meant a friendly advice, to a fellow scholar of lesser standards. Most would listen to me. I am after all Student Pre...” Yong Ha angrily cut him of before the sentence was finished. - “That does not impress nor threaten me. I am Gu. Yong. Ha.” Then Yong Ha angrily stomped out and slammed the wafer-thin paper door. The smile was back on In Soo's lips. Magnificent creature, he thought to himself. He enjoyed teasing Yong Ha, shaping his anger, until he exploded. It was so easy. So easy and entertaining. So fascinating. Only Yong Ha had this affect on In Soo. No one else occupied his mind as much. No one else defied him as easily. No one could make his heart beat as hard, or irregular as Yong Ha could. Yet, somehow he always slipped through In Soo's grip. It was annoying In Soo to no end.

And here was another source of Ha In Soo's annoyance, the brute Goel Oh. - “It seems you plan to participate in the archery competition. You made a good decision, Geol Oh.” Just seeing that face made In Soo's fists itch. - “Mind your own business. What’s with the compliment...” - “It’s a match I’ve waited for a long time. It would be unfair not to compete because of your habit of wandering around.”

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Yes, you have to compete because I, Ha In Soo, will crush you... right in front of Yong Ha. - “Don’t make such an effort. I am not the kind of person who is manipulated by you.” - “You know, you, Moon Jae Shin, don’t know what a head-on victory is. You walk around glaring, a mere street tug. It must be confusing that girlish Kim Yoon Shik plans to beat me and become the champion.” Yes, you have no idea what is in front of you but since you don't know, I will take Yong Ha from you before you realise. In Soo couldn't help but laugh out loud at the very idea of appropriating Yong Ha right in front of Jae Shin but at Jae Shins retort the laugh got stuck in his throat. - “You must be busy, trying to practice. You can’t lose against that girly boy since you are Sungkyunkwan’s student body president.” Yes, indeed I am, and when I am finished with you everyone will know what I can do. Especially Yong Ha. In Soo felt pleased the rest of the day at his visualisation of the ultimate victory over Goel Oh. Now all he had to do was wait for it all to unfold as he had carefully planned. However things unfold in the most unpredictable ways. ..Again, and again...

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The irritation and worry, that oozed off Sungkyunkwans “Crazy Horse”, was tangible as he faced off Yong Ha, having just been told that no boatsman would row to the island in this weather. - “What the heck did you do, you bastard!” Goel Oh's fist came down without mercy on Yong Ha's mouth and he fell hard on the wooden boards as the taste of blood filled his mouth. - “Why should we fight over matters like this?” Yong Ha chuckled as he wiped the blood from his lips. - “You’re laughing? How is that everything is a joke to you? Is everything easy and fun to you? If anything happens, then you… should brace yourself.” - “Hey, Geol Oh! You’ve been found out by me. Are you worried that much about Daemul? If anyone saw you, they’d think you were lovers.” - “You didn’t get enough beating, huh?” Goel Oh angrily stomped off, leaving Yong Ha and the lake well behind him. As the rain began to fall, obscuring the view of the little island across, Yong Ha was still standing there unmovable.

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- “If you do not care for my people, than I do not need a person like that.” The Kings words were still ringing in In Soo's mind and the failure was almost more than Ha In Soo could bear. He had been brutally beaten, and still he did not really understand why. How could his carefully concocted plans have failed so miserably? First the archery contest and now even the King's test. How could he have missed so badly? How could he, Ha In Soo, have missed the target like that? Yet, trying to analyse it, all he could see was Yong Ha's glowing face as he was watching Goel Oh during the competition. It must be his lackeys faults, and that boy-thief that had come forward to take the blame. What was wrong with all these people? Frustratedly he poured himself another cup and swooped it down without thought. Oh, well they had gotten away this time, but only because the King had saved them. Yes, the King had to come and save them for them to escape Ha In Soo. The thought was a little comforting and he knew that he would have other chances to get rid of the pests. Yet, there was still one thing that was nagging in his mind. Replaying it over and over again all he saw was that gentle smile on Yong Ha's lips and how he had played and teased Goel Oh, laughing out loud in pure joy at their success. Of all the things that had happened this day, somehow this scene was the one that had gotten stuck in In Soo's mind. Yes, something had unfold itself today but it wasn't the victory he thought he had had, but instead a deeper, darker feeling had emerged. The closest word Ha In Soo could put on it was “jealousy”. Was that his driving force for separating Yong Ha from the others? He swept another cup and winced as the alcohol hit the back of his throat as much as from the word he didn't want to acknowledge. Gu. Yong. Ha. Still as bitter aftertaste as always, In Soo thought as he kept drinking, alone, in the sombre darkness of his room. Still, if Yong Ha was here he would light up this room by his sheer existence. Just like the Sun. In Soo felt

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uncharacteristically poetic. Almost smiling he closed his eyes as if to block out the sight. Well Yong Ha would obviously not come here again. Someone had mentioned that the winning quartet was off on an overnight trip to some small island, entertaining some ladies. - “Ha!” As if he really cared where they were or what they were doing. Yong Ha could entertain his friends for all In Soo cared, why would he need his company? Yes, In Soo was alone and happy to be so. Yes, alone. Somehow that last addition made In Soo so busy sweeping cup after cup that he almost missed the light knock on his wooden door.

The Yong Ha standing outside his dorm room door was a Yong Ha, In Soo had never seen before. Slightly dishevelled, moist from the rain and with his hat in his hand, his entire disposition was so forlorn that it took In Soo several seconds to recognise him in the dark. For a moment In Soo could not believe his eyes until Yong Ha's soft voice vibrated through the drizzle. - “Can I come in?” Even though In Soo could not see Yong Ha's face, obscured as it was by the shadows, there was something in that simple plea that made his stupor dissipate like mist into the cold night. So In Soo closed his mouth and opened his door wider to let Yong Ha in. Yong Ha passed him without a glance, his wet silk robes squeaking slightly. In Soo threw a last glance around before closing the door, as if to be sure this was not another of Yong Ha's set-ups, but the night was empty.

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Closing the door behind him as he turned around he realised that Yong Ha had just entered a few steps and stopped, making In Soo bump right into his back. To keep his balance he reached out and grabbed Yong Ha's slender shoulder. Ice-cold. Yong Ha's shoulder was ice-cold. A penetrating painful cold that could suck your life out of you. And Yong Ha seemed not to notice. - “Ah, you're cold...and wet.” In Soo was not good at this. He had never had friends in need or people showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, drenched like a kitten. That he himself was slightly drunk didn't really help either. For the first time in his life he felt not in control of the situation. Towel. Hot drink. Words that made sense floated in his mind, but he had a hard time focusing on anything except the lost Yong Ha in front of him, the proximity and his hand on that shoulder. Without realising it his hand had wandered over the wet, textured silk tracing Yong Ha's collarbone underneath. As if he couldn't help it. - “hrmm...you should change.” He released his burning hand and walked up to a closet where he grabbed a spare shirt and pants. He started roaming for a towel too as he instructed Yong Ha to take off the wet clothes. Darn, where was that extra towel when you needed it. Yes, there it was. Triumphantly he turned around with his prize towel only to find himself violently enveloped in Yong Ha's ice-cold embrace and his lips pressed against In Soo's ear. Ha In Soo was stupefied. He opened his mouth to say something but was efficiently silenced by Yong Ha's rain-wet lips. Light as a feather and cold as a mountain spring they brushed across In Soo's mouth leaving a burning trail behind. They tasted of night and rain and...blood. Dropping everything he was holding in surprise it took In Soo several seconds to register those smooth, plump lips and before he got the chance to enjoy it, they were gone. - “Hold me...”

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Had In Soo heard right? Yong Ha's voice was just a whisper. - “Tell me you want me. Me.” - “Yong Ha, what do you me...” In Soo was abruptly silenced by Yong Ha tongue in his mouth. Yong Ha demanding and In Soo yielding, the kiss deepened and In Soo's head was swooning. He could feel his heartbeat through the ribcage and wondered, slightly panicked, if Yong Ha would be able to feel it too. Just as In Soo thought he would pass out in sheer bliss, Yong Ha breathlessly broke loose and leant into his ear whispering. - “In Soo, just say you want me...or I will leave.” Feeling his heart skipping a beat, both at the idea of Yong Ha offering himself and at the thought of him leaving, In Soo replied the only think that would come to his saturated mind. - “Yes, you...I want...” Again silenced by kisses Ha In Soo could only convey what he wanted to say through the contact of their lips and tongues. The cold touch of Yong Ha and the heat of his tongue was sending shivers all over In Soo's body. He felt like he was in a fever dream, this just couldn't be real. Yong Ha could not really be here, kissing him, touching him with his cold fingers. A throaty moan woke up In Soo from his delirium as he realised it was himself who had made it, as Yong Ha was licking his way to In Soo's neck while his graceful hands sought underneath In Soo's white collar and brushed across his collarbone. So sweet. In Soo was breathless at the feeling of Yong Ha's lips on his hot skin. There was a fervour in Yong Ha's touch that were leading In Soo to a place beyond his control...and it was so sweet it was almost making him cry... A delicious tension swept through him, making all the little hairs on his body stand in attention. His eyes closed for a second at the feeling of freedom as he savoured the sweet rush of Yong Ha's desire. There was no room for doubt here and almost violently In Soo ripped open the red cloth from Yong Ha's chest, tearing it as his hands reached flesh.

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If this was a dream induced by want and alcohol then he would have Yong Ha before it ended. Yong Ha's flesh was just as cold as it was white and In Soo could not get enough of the feeling against his hands. - “Yong Ha?” In Soo looked up as if to affirm the fact that it really was Yong Ha who stood in his room, offering himself in the most delectable way. Yong Ha's eyes were undecipherable, as always, but it was indeed him. That lovely face In Soo knew so well, those high cheekbones and that delightfully curved mouth. Before Ha In Soo's eyes there could be no more divine creature and he realised that Yong Ha should be worshipped and not taken. He let his eyes feast on Yong Ha's face until he saw the bruise on the side of the mouth. - “What..who did that?” In Soo could not believe it. Yong Ha did not fight, how come he had a bruise? Surprisingly, he could feel a scolding rage bubbling up in his chest as he brought his hand up to touch it, but it was too easily calmed by Yong Ha's vibrant voice and his polished black eyes, never leaving In Soo's. - “Its nothing...nothing...instead...kiss me..” and In Soo did. He leaned in until his lips touched those plump lips in an almost chaste kiss. Then one more and one more until he felt the tip of Yong Ha's tongue. Then he could no longer hold himself in check as he slid his own tongue to meet Yong Ha's in an absolutely erotic dance. In Soo, instinctively, pressed himself harder into Yong Ha and the sensuous feel of silk against silk, cold against warm was almost too much. In Soo was painfully hard as Yong Ha pressed his leg between In Soo's. - “In Sooo...” The name was a more a moan than a calling as In Soo traced small kisses down Yong Ha's neck until he hit the silk collar. Annoyed at the obstacle he brought on hand up and slowly, almost languorously he let the damp red silk and the white undershirt slide over Yong Ha's shoulder.

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Yong Ha's skin tasted of salt and wood-scented soap, an almost intoxicating combination and as In Soo was leaving soft kisses over Yong Ha's naked shoulder he could feel Yong Ha arching against him in one lithe movement. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Soo...â&#x20AC;? Yong Ha's voice was only a whisper but in In Soo's mind Yong ha could just as well have screamed, and so In Soo claimed Yong Ha's mouth in once fluid movement. At that moment, in In Soo's mind, Yong Ha was his. Thrusting his tongue inside Yong Ha's moist mouth In Soo quickly backed him up against the coarse wall as the kiss became more demanding and out of control. Yong Ha was rubbing against In Soo and making little noises as In Soo kept caressing and kissing and pressing into Yong Ha's heat with a steady rhythm as his hand slid around from Yong Ha's back to his waist. Tugging at the belt with an unsteady hand he could not manage to get it to open. Desperately he grabbed the belt and with a violent rip it finally came undone at the seam. Without any further thought In Soo dropped it to the floor and reached for Yong Ha's naked waist underneath the coat with a fervour that was so unlike him. Pulling Yong Ha towards him in a powerful grip, In Soo was dying to feel skin against skin. Meanwhile, during In Soo's ministrations, Yong Ha had just leant on the wall closing his eyes but now as In Soo pulled him in he opened his eyes and quickly brought his hands up, untying In Soo's shirt in one sharp movement. If ever In Soo had lost control, this was the moment. It was just all too much, Yong Ha delectably half naked in front of him, all breathless and flushed, his wet lips begging for kisses. Yong Ha undressing In Soo, putting his cold hands on In Soo's warm chest, brushing past his erect nipple. It was mind-melting and In Soo was far beyond now. Feeling a primitive need, In Soo launched himself on Yong Ha, prying his tongue inside his mouth. Fumbling for the top of the Yong Ha's pants In Soo managed to slip one hand past his smooth abdomen and inside, grabbing Yong Ha's smooth, erect length. As he started caressing him he barely registered the muffled moans that Yong Ha let out into his mouth. In Soo was on fire, he was so hard that he thought he would come any second.

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Thrusting his erection into Yong Ha's hipbone he groaned into Yong Ha's mouth, closing his eyes as the pleasure was almost too much. This is madness, he thought as he did another thrust with his hip. This cannot be real. This cannot be Yong Ha in front of me. This cannot be Yong Ha that I am holding and caressing. The violence of the act was grinding Yong Ha into the wall making him gasp out as In Soo increased the pumping motion of his hand on Yong Ha's shaft. - “more...In Soo...more” Yong Ha was almost wailing in need. This is not Yong ha making these noises. - “Yo. ng..Ha..aaa..Haaa” This is not me moaning into Yong Ha's neck. His thoughts were running rampant as his caresses and thrusts were getting more and more incoherent. He was so close. So close. I have to slow down or I will...In Soo was trying hard to get into control but then Yong Ha, who had managed to slide his hands underneath In Soo's pants, grasped his naked buttocks with his slender, cold hands and pulled him hard against him. That was the end of Ha In Soo, who climaxed loudly. - “Yong Haaa...aaahh....aaaahhh” He could feel his semen spewing out through his throbbing shaft in a torrent that made him dizzy, wetting the front of his pants and Yong Ha's leg. Two, three...six, he didn't know how many times he shot but it was enough to render him into a quivering mass of satiated flesh without a thought in his head except for the mind-numbing pleasure he felt. Barely being able to stand he leaned in on Yong Ha breathing hard as if he had been running for hours.

After, what seemed like hours, In Soo realised that he was still holding Yong Ha's erection and he also realised that he was the only one that had gotten pleasure out of it. The thought made him feel slightly awkward standing there with a large wet spot on his pants and his hand down Yong Ha's pants. - “Yong Ha?..” he started. He never finished the sentence for Yong Ha's mouth effectively silenced him again. The kiss was slow and sweet, almost tender. Yong Ha's hands were

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delicately caressing their way up over In Soo's back, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind as Yong Ha pressed his naked chest against In Soo's. In Soo could feel Yong Ha's hardness pressing against his hand and thigh and he realised that he wanted to please Yong Ha. He wanted to see him squirm, come in pleasure and moan his name. The strength of the wish startled him. Ha In Soo did not please other people – they pleased him. The thought that Yong Ha was different made In Soo stare at his face as a creeping smile spread across his lips as he realised that his lost control was once again surfacing. Clasping Yong Ha's erection, he started fisting it slowly, deliberately. Yong Ha cried out softly, almost despairingly as he closed his eyes and submitting, buried his face in In Soo's neck. In Soo could feel his hot breath come in pace with In Soo's hand. It was an almost dizzying feeling of power. A few drops of pre-cum eased the friction and as In Soo smeared it across the tip of Yong Ha's erection, Yong Ha cried out deep in his throat, an inarticulate moan that resonated in In Soo. He instinctively knew that he wanted to do something about the need he was causing in Yong Ha so leaning in he started nipping at Yong Ha's ear, tracing with his tongue until he reached the hollow of his throat, his hand never stopping the motion on Yong Ha's erection. Yong Ha mewled in reply and tilted his head as if to beg In Soo for more, but In Soo disregarded the movement and just continued his path downwards. Finally In Soo found his treasure. Closing his mouth over one pink, pebbled nipple, then the other, nibbling and licking, he could feel the head of Yong Ha's cock swell in his hand. Yong Ha moaned and arched his back to seek more friction but In Soo just lightened his grip. He would not let Yong Ha come too soon, this was far to amusing. Far to beautiful. - “Noo..don't stop...please” Yong Ha was panting hard at the exquisite torment In Soo was inflicting upon him. As In Soo looked up on Yong Ha's face a crazy thought hit him as he saw those flushed cheeks and that delectable mouth, now slightly open in lust. - “Then I won't...” and without waiting for an answer In Soo slid down Yong Ha's body until he was kneeling in front of him. He kissed Yong Ha's flat belly as he started undoing the knot to Yong Ha's pants, which, being released from

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the cord slid down and pooled unceremoniously around Yong Ha's ankles, leaving him completely exposed. Yong Ha naked was indeed a sight to behold. In Soo caught himself thinking that it was a shame indeed that he had to dress at all. Flawless, white, smooth skin. Narrow hips, flat stomach. Even his erection was beautiful, so suiting him. In Soo was drinking in Yong Ha until he could no longer stop himself. He had to taste him. In So shifted to kiss the inside of his thigh, slowly running his tongue up the smooth skin until he brushed past the root of Yong Ha's erection. Placing a warm hand on Yong Ha's hip to hold him still he ran his tongue across the shaft. Meanwhile Yong Ha closed his eyes, leant his head back and gave a deep moan as In Soo's tongue reached his hardness. It sounded like heaven for In Soo as he started making love to Yong Ha with his tongue. He grabbed Yong Ha's length with his hand and started licking the tip, slowly, deliberately. It had a mutedly salty taste and after an awkward try he let the top into his mouth and started sucking. Rendered helpless under In Soo's relentless, sensual onslaught, Yong Ha moaned his name, bucking and straining against In Soo's firm grasp as his facile tongue and lips coaxed and tugged him towards a darker place. Feeling more and more confident In Soo took more of Yong Ha in his mouth and he could feel his cock pulsate at the onslaught. Yong Ha's hands were roaming through In Soo's hair as he was muttering in broken sentences, barely comprehensible, begging In Soo to finish it. No longer playful, In Soo was all objective. Letting Yong Ha in even deeper into his mouth he brought his hands up to cup his buttocks and as he started to massage them, keeping the fluid motion of his mouth on Yong Ha's erection he realised by the sounds of Yong Ha's whimpering that he was close to climax. In Soo could feel Yong Ha's muscles tighten and his balls pulsate as his senses were overloaded. In Soo milked Yong Ha's shaft with his mouth on last time. - "In Soo!" His name was an explosion from between clenched teeth as Yong Ha came in his mouth.

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How could something so sweet taste so bitter, In Soo thought to himself as he instinctively swallowed. Though he admitted to himself that he quite liked the taste of Yong Ha. Yong Ha, as the intense sensation abated to softly pulsing aftershocks, sagged back against the wall, reduced to a weak-kneed mass. As In Soo released his grip, Yong Ha slid down to sit on the floor, his dishevelled robe pooling around him. There, exhausted and breathless, he lay spent. In Soo, having swallowed several times, lent over and planted a soft, chaste kiss on his lips, then he dragged him into his arms. Completely exhausted in the aftermath of their passion, Yong Ha could barely stir as his newly acquired lover continued to tenderly nuzzle him until he relaxed into his arms and In Soo could hear his breathing slow down and even out to finally fall asleep right there, in In Soo's arms. Unreal, In Soo thought as he looked down on the ravaged Yong Ha in his arms. As his legs were starting to fall asleep from the uncomfortable position, In Soo gathered Yong Ha in his arms and carried him over to the mattress, gently putting him down. He was tired too, a bone-drying sense of exhaustion, so he laid down next to Yong Ha, nuzzling his neck and covered them with the blanket. As In Soo's inhaled the calming scent of Yong Ha he could feel his heart contract in a powerful squeeze that was both staggeringly painful yet strangely sweet. In Soo fell asleep with his arm around Yong Ha's waist, thinking nothing more than how soft Yong Ha's skin felt under his fingertip, as he casually caressed it.

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In Soo woke up with a start. Something was not right, and he knew it. He looked around his room, barely lighted by morning sun, but nothing seemed to be amiss. Until he spotted it – Yong Ha's torn belt, now forgotten underneath the small table In Soo had been using for his drinking the night before. But where was Yong Ha? In an instant of panic In Soo's heartbeat sped up as Yong Ha was nowhere to be seen but then a calm came over him as he realised that Yong Ha must have gone back to his room before morning, and this was a good thing. No matter how much In So would have liked to wake up with Yong Ha in his bed the implication of a homosexual affair inside Sungkyunkwan could well destroy them both. Still, In Soo felt slightly disappointed. He would have wanted to see Yong Ha in all his glorious nakedness, with the Sun up. - “Ah, what a sight that would be...” And then In Soo blushed like a peony as he recalled his own behaviour the night before. Had he really done THAT? And THAT? And had he really taken Yong Ha in his MOUTH and had he really SWALLOWED? The list was cloyingly long and In Soo was sweating as images flashed before his eyes leaving him no respite. He still felt all of it was as a dream. The appearance of Yong Ha, in the moment In Soo wished it. Yong Ha offering himself without terms, as In Soo had always imagined it. Yong Ha's response to his touch, more than he had ever dreamed of. Recalling Yong Ha's touch and his expert kissing made In Soo instantly hard and he thanked the higher Gods for nothing letting Yong Ha notice his own inexperience in such matters. In Soo would have died of embarrassment of Yong Ha had pointed out that Ha In Soo, Sungkyunkwan's student president was a virgin, in everything. Silently he thanked, not only the Gods, but also the writers of more illicit materials – of which In Soo was a great fan.

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It was incredible the things he had learnt in those books, but never would he have imagined it could come in handy one day... Ha In Soo laughed out loud. It was not something he did often, but today he felt as if something had changed. It was an untouchable feeling, as wispy as morning fog, but it was there. He walked up to the doors and slammed them opened, taking a deep breath of the crystal clear morning air. He felt great, no he felt absolutely on top of the world...so he laughed again, making several half awake students cower in fear. They had never heard In Soo laugh like that before...and it could not bode well.

In Soo was still smiling a mad smile as he made his way to the market. He felt deliriously happy. Trying to find Yong ha had proven harder than he thought. Trying not to smile like a lunatic proved even harder. After all he had to keep up appearances, so he desperately locked his face into his usual scowl. At first he had just glanced around as he did his usual tour of the campus with his entourage behind him, thinking he would see Yong Ha any minute, but as the noon bell rang he was starting to get desperate as there was no visible trace of Yong Ha anywhere. He felt a dire need to see Yong Ha today, as if to affirm that last night had really happened. It still felt so absurd and dreamlike. Just as he had made his mind up that the entire episode must have been a figment of his drunken mind, a red and olive flash caught the corner of his eye as it turned around a corner. That was Yong Ha indeed, the combination of

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colours was a tell-tale sign, for no other scholar, or person in Joseon for that fact, would wear such a flashy outfit. In Soo caught himself almost calling out Yong Ha's name but refrained himself in the last second as his goons were watching him with a strange look in their eyes. He could not give himself away, that was imperative, so he tried another tactic. - “I need to visit my father today. In fact, I need to leave right now.” In Soo smiled inwards. His posse knew they were not allowed to these family meetings so they would just go their own way and leave In Soo to his mission: the acquisition of Yong Ha. However, the acquisition turned out to be closer to a cat and mouse game as Yong Ha proved lightning quick in his movement as he made his way to the market. Ha In Soo was almost out of breath when he finally spotted Yong Ha outside a stall selling diverse trinkets. Taking a few seconds to level out his breathing and correct his clothing he slowly made his way towards the stunningly charming Yong Ha, who was busy trying to seduce the madame to get a better deal. - “Ah, Gu Yong Ha, you are here...” Ha In Soo tried to make his voice sound neutral but on the inside he cursed himself for sounding so...so Ha In Soo. He was going to say something more but as Yong Ha turned around and locked In Soo's eyes with his own, his focus disappeared with his wildly beating heart. Had Yong Ha always been this mesmerizing? Had his skin always glowed like that? Had his lips always been so enticing? That smile was as if the Sun had come out and chased all the clouds away. - “President Ha In Soo...whatever could you be doing here?” Yong Ha's voice had a curious tone and his eyes glittered in withheld amusement, and something else. - “Ahh...I am just out...walking. Hmm..what about yourself?” How come In Soo felt short of breath at just standing next to Yong Ha, while Yong Ha seemed perfectly fine?

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- “I was just looking around but nothing is really catching my fancy.” Yong Ha frowned and tapped his hand with a small fan. “Except this one maybe, it is quite appealing...but far too expensive...” The fan was exquisite. Hand sized, to fit in the belt during class, made of a fragrant wood he knew Yong Ha liked. It was delicately shaded pink, a gentle, sweet colour that In Soo thought fitted Yong Ha so well. - “Then...consider it a gift...” Ha In Soo even surprised himself. Had he just offered to pay for a gift to Yong Ha? That was very out of character. In fact it was so out of character that, after realising what In Soo had blurted out, Yong Ha just stared at him with his mouth wide open... - “Why...would you do that?...for me?” - “Eh...” The words were there, teasing the tip of his tongue, yet he was unable to say them out loud. Because it suits you? Because of last night? Because I want to be with you? Because I lo... In Soo was mute. He realised that he was mortally afraid of the words, of what it would mean if they would be voiced. He was afraid. Of rejection. - “Because I...” In Soo fell quiet as Yong Ha searched his eyes. “Well, you are one of my men, aren't you? I take good care of my people.” In Soo wanted to hit himself hard and painfully for the words that spilled out of his mouth. He could see Yong Ha's eyes harden. - “Say's who? I am Gu Yong Ha, I am no ones man!”

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Then, tossing the small fan to the seller, Yong Ha angrily twirled around and started making his way through the bustling market, leaving a destroyed In Soo in his wake. - “No...Yong Ha...” In Soo did not hesitate for a second. Fuddling for his pouch he threw some coins at the seller and grabbed the fan, while trailing Yong Ha with his eyes. Then he darted after him. Yong Ha had reached a more quite corner when In Soo finally caught up to him, grabbing hold of his upper arm, twisting him around. - “Yong Ha!” In Soo felt frantic. “I didn't...It wasn't what I...” What was he going to say? Slowly releasing the strong grip on Yong Ha he held out the fan. “Please, take it...” - “Why should I?” Yong Ha's voice was ice, his eyes a storm. - “I...” In Soo stumbled across his tongue trying to phrase the words he so eagerly wanted to say, but somehow they were glued to his mouth. - “I want you to have it...” Pathetic. In Soo, you are pathetic. He didn't know what he was doing. Why was he standing in a market trying to please Yong Ha? Why couldn't he say the words he so desperately wanted to say? Why did he have to have a reason to give something to Yong Ha? In Soo felt trapped in his own world. - “I want you to have it...it...it suits you...” There, that was the furthest he could go. That was the extent of In Soo, but knowing Yong Ha it would probably not be enough.

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To his surprise Yong Ha held out his hand and gently took the fan from In Soo, brushing past his knuckles. Then he brought it up to briefly caress his pink, plump lips, his eyes glittering in held-in laughter. - “Well, I will take it then...as a gift...as an exchange for the gift you gave me...last night...” And then Gu Yong Ha winked and made his trademark twirl, disappearing into the crowd once more, leaving a furiously blushing Ha In Soo behind him. Ha In Soo, Sungkyunkwan's most feared President, stood for a long time looking wistfully into the crowd where Yong Ha had disappeared and for the first time in his life, he felt a faint ray of bittersweet hope. Maybe he didn't have to be locked behind these thick iron bars anymore. The bars of control and power. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that he could find the keys and unlock those prison doors. He would try, he decided. - “Gu. Yong. Ha.” The words rolling of his tongue filled his heart, as a smile formed on his frozen lips, slowly spreading to his eyes. Now they were only sweet, without any hidden bitterness behind. Promisingly sweet. Yes, he would open the doors wide and let the Sun in.

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STORM “how long have I been in this storm so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form water's getting harder to tread with these waves crashing over my head”

- “Ok, father. I will do it.” - “And don’t you tell me that you refuse....what...what did you say.” Yong Ha's father was completely taken aback by Yong Ha's admittance. Never had Gu Yong Ha agreed to do anything his father had asked from him before. This was new. Sitting down merchant Gu contently thought that finally his son was taking his responsibilities as the future head of the family. - “Brilliant, brilliant!” Merchant Gu continued rubbing his hands in pleasure. “Then I will prepare everything, and you can say goodbye to your friends in the mean time.” - “Yes, father.” Yong Ha's voice seemed slightly flat but his father didn’t notice in his joy of finally getting his son to do something useful instead of just loitering around playing with gisaeng. - “Then if there was nothing more, I am leaving” Yong Ha stated and with a swift move he stood up and left the room before his father could object. Well outside Yong Ha could feel nothing at his decision. He was as empty as a Ming vase. Hollow.

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Not knowing where to go or what to do he went to his room and brought out a bottle of the strongest wine he could find and started pouring. I will need to have a goodbye party, he thought as he had reached half the bottle. Yes, I think I will, and I shall invite only the Jalgeum Quartet. It will be like nothing has ever changed. Yes, it will be like before all this happened. He smiled at the idea of Sun Joon and Yon Hee drunk again, but the smile faltered as Jae Shin came into his mind. Suddenly his earlier emptiness was filled to the brim and flowing over, flowing over and spilling into his eyes. Wiping the wetness away with his sleeve he was about to pour himself another cup when he found the cup to small and resolutely grabbed the entire bottle instead and in one go emptied it. Yes, this was really for the best. After all that had happened he didn't know what else to do. His feelings for Jae Shin had just gotten stronger and stronger while their relationship had not changed at all. Yong Ha knew for sure that his love was not shared by Jae Shin and for every day that went by it hurt more and more until it had become unbearable. I cannot go on like this anymore. I am turning into someone I don't like. I have to do this. Yes, this will be a good idea, he thought, and then it will all end...he added as he could feel himself slowly drowning.

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“If I could just see you everything will be alright if I'd see you the storminess will turn to light”

- “Wow, Yeorim sahyung, you have really outdone yourself this time!” Yon Hee exclaimed with glittering eyes as she sat down by the table. Sun Joon also agreed and with a bright smile he started pouring a cup to everyone seated. Yong Ha was pleased, he really had outdone himself. Taking utmost care in the decorations and preparation of the food and drinks he had spared no expense. His room was lit up with soft candles everywhere and the food was welling over the edges of his small table. Yong Ha was content. This was the best gift he could give them before he... He didn't finish the thought for he wasn't sure he would be able to contain himself. Instead he laughed at something Yon Hee had just told and relished in the warmth of his friends. Jae Shin was sitting next to him, also laughing. Yong Ha could feel the heat radiate from him, as always, and he stopped himself mentally as he was just about to causally put his arm around Jae Shins shoulders, as usual. No, he had promised himself that he wouldn't do that anymore. He didn't know if it was because he wouldn't to be able to live through to yet again feel Jae Shin throw his arm off in annoyance or if it was because if he did he would break down sobbing, begging Jae Shin to love him. Stop it, Yong Ha, he mentally argued with himself, This is a happy evening, don't ruin it by being miserable. Yes, just soak up your friends and loved ones one last time, so you can always remember. So Yong Ha turned of his inner battle and turned to the light of his friends that seemed to seep out in the night and illuminate everything, even the deepest

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darkest corners of Yong Ha's mind, and for the first time in a long time Yong Ha could feel himself relax. He had made the decision and this was right, he could feel it. - “A toast to my best friends. I shall hold you I my heart always...”

“and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright”

- “Jae Shin, there is someone for you out there too, I know it...” Yong Ha added as Jae Shin was watching Sun Joon and Yon Hee walking together hand in hand. - “Ah...” was all Jae Shin added following the couple with his eyes until they had disappeared around the corner. - “Jae Shin?” - “Ah...” - “Would you do something for me?” “After tonight I will never ask anything of you again, so please...” - “As you wish...” Jae Shin was still looking into the night and only casually listening to Yong Ha, but the next words out of Yong Ha's mouth made him whip his head around, mouth gaping.

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- “Just once... without asking any questions...Would you hold me? Really hold me...” - “Wha...” And then he realised that he had already promised and after all he was a man of word. So slightly awkward at first not really knowing how to begin, he turned to Yong Ha, took a step forward raising his arms and grabbed Yong Ha's frozen body in a crushing grip. As he could feel Yong Ha relaxing into his grip he came to the realisation that he had never before hugged Yong Ha. Never in ten years have I hugged Yong Ha. What an astonishing thought. But we always hug? Yes, but it is always Yong Ha who throws his arms around you, isn't it? And with these thoughts dancing around in his head he gripped Yong Ha even closer, realising that hugging your best friend was actually quite pleasant. - “Thank you Jae Shin, my very, very best friend...“ He could hear Yong Ha murmur into his coat and he wondered if that thumping beat he could feel through the silk was Yong Ha's heartbeat. If Jae Shin thought something was wrong he didn't say anything as he finally released the grip and gathering up his belongings and saying good night to Yong Ha started walking home. - “...and later would you please never think of me again...as I will never think of you again...ever” Yong Ha added silently as Jae Shin started walking, knowing he would not be able to hear him. Watching the back of Jae Shin as she walked out of the gate and Yong Ha's life was almost too much. Yong Ha's fingers dug into the wooden frame of the door as he was trying to physically hold himself back from running after Jae Shin to feel his touch again. This is the for the best...for the best...best...The words on endless repeat in his mind as a mantra.

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Too busy from keeping himself to run after Jae Shin he didn't even notice the flood of tears that was wetting his cheeks.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I know you didn't bring me out here to drown so why am I 10 feet under and upside down barely surviving Ha's become my purpose cause I'm so used to living underneath the surfaceâ&#x20AC;?

With tears still streaming down his lovely face, Yong Ha was sitting alone at the table, with the rests of their feast in front of him reminding him about the futility of trying to hold on to fleeting dreams. What can I do, except this? There is nothing I can do, he answered himself. Jae Shin will always be just a fingertips length outside of my grasp. Just in front of me but so far away. I never again want to see him fall in love like he did with Yon Hee it just hurt far to much. Sobbing openly now, Yong Ha stood up on slightly wobbly legs to find himself another bottle. Luckily he always had a stock in his room, just in case Jae Shin would stop over. Like he used to do. That he will never ever do again. Finally finding another bottle he unceremoniously put it to his lips and started swallowing down. Yes, this is the best thing that could have happened.

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The best thing. So how come he felt like he was slowly sinking? No, not felt like, he really was sinking in a ocean of darkness. He could feel it crawling underneath his skin, like something was about to burst out. For each swallow of the wine he could feel the mask he had held in place for so long, crack and fall of and what was hidden underneath was hideous. Jealousy, despair, pain, hurt, passion, lust, shame, love. He had kept it under control for so long that he had almost forgotten he could feel it. But it was all there, lurking, waiting, biding its time until...until...and opening. As soon as it felt the crack, everything came flooding out in a huge torrent, enough to make Yong Ha gasp out loudly. His legs no longer carrying him he fell down in a puddle with his robes around him. Lost in the storm of emotions he looked around the room. Everything here reminded him of Jae Shin. The table where he had sat so many times, the cups that he had touched with his lips. The pillows he had sat on. Even the black robe he kept there as change in case something happened. Yong Ha stood up and moved towards the cabinet where he kept his clothing but being very, very drunk he managed to bump into the low table and loosing his balance he flailed with his arms grabbing hold of the closest thing. It was the precious vase he had nicked from his father, but instead of recovering his balance he only managed to sweep it down and then fall right on top of it. The crash was deafening and the impact made his arm numb. Yong Ha didn't care. He kept going for the cabinet and finally managed to pry it open and take out the black piece of clothing that had been his goal. Carefully unfolding it he slowly brought it to his face and breathed in the scent. The subtle smell immediately brought the face of Jae Shin to his mind. The unkempt hair standing in a halo around him, those plushy, voluptuous lips, those coffee brown eyes that could be so tender, that small smile that he would only show Yong Ha, his large warm hands, his smooth caramel skin. I shall never see him again... Yong Ha folded over as the pain was too much to bear. His heart was breaking, no shattering.

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Searching again for the bottle he downed it, still clutching the fabric, knuckles turning white. For over ten years he had hidden his unrequited love for Jae Shin but after tonight he would bury these feelings so deep that they would never resurface again. Maybe Yong Ha would never resurface again either. But what did it matter, there was nothing he could do except his best, and this was his best. He could only let him go. For there was nothing else he could do. But not tonight. Tonight would be the last time he indulged. Yes tonight would be the last time he would think about Moon Jae Shin. The last time. Violent sobs wrecked Yong Ha's body for a long time as he bent over the black fabric that smelt just like love. When there were no more tears inside and Yong Ha was hoarse with crying he took a decision. Raising himself from the pillows he had come to the brilliant idea that he should probably get rid of everything that reminded him of Jae Shin. Then maybe it would be easier. Yes, I should remove everything that reminds me of him then I can forget. And without any further due he took a pillow and ripped it in two spilling its fluffy content over the table.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;if I could just see you everything will be alright if I see you the storminess will turn to lightâ&#x20AC;?

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Jae Shin was annoyed. Did they know what hour this was? He was still slightly drunk after Yong Ha's feast and very tired, and they wanted him to come to Yong Ha's house again, right now. Aish, that Yong Ha, he was such a spoilt brat. What does he want now? Grabbing his outer coat Jae Shin went out to the servant waiting to guide him back. - “Oh, thank you sir, thank you, thank you...” The servant immediately threw himself on the ground and started crying loudly to Jae Shins astonishment. - “We don't know what to do...Young master is not himself...we don't know what to do...oh please thank you for coming” - “What..?” Jae shin didn't understand anything the servant was blabbering about but it sounded like something had happened to Yong Ha. - “..and then he started throwing things..and..oh thank you for coming...we know that he only listens you...oh please make him stop so we can treat his cut...” Jae Shin was starting to feel more worried than bothered when he understood some of the things the servant was rambling about. Something was seriously wrong with Yong Ha and so they had sent for Jae Shin, thinking he was the only one that could help. - “Lets go” Jae shin egged on the servant and started sprinting towards the merchant area with his heart pounding away in his ribcage.

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The devastation was the worst Jae Shin had ever seen. The entire room looked like a tornado had hit it with destroyed furniture, ripped silk and down from the pillows flying around the room like little white clouds. And in the middle of it was a very drunk, dishevelled Yong Ha furiously ripping out the drawers of a chest, emptying the content on the floor as he proceeded. Jae Shin just gaped. Had the weak, utterly vain, never prone to violence Yong Ha, done all of this, and to his own precious things as well? What ever had gotten into him? - “Yong Ha!” Jae Shin called out to get his attention but Yong Ha was hearing nothing in his frenzy. - “Yong Ha” Jae Shin took a step towards him but had to duck as a drawer came flying over his head. Taking another step he realised that mingled with the things scattered around was stains of something red. Startled he looked to Yong Ha and realised that the entire sleeve of his green vest was stained red. He was hurt? Jae Shins heart was frantically beating away making Jae Shin slightly breathless. Yong Ha was seriously hurt and completely out of his mind. What was Jae Shin supposed to do? Yong Ha was still frantically throwing things around so Jae Shin, taking a step closer brought his arms up and grabbed Yong Ha from behind in a crushing hug, completely enveloping him in his embrace in an attempt to make him stop. - “Yong Ha...please stop..I beg you..” Jae Shin pleaded in Yong Ha's ear. Yong Ha froze. - “J..ae Shin...?” Jae Shin could feel Yong Ha's entire body tremble and the hoarse voice that was so unlike Yong Ha's usually vibrant one that it made Jae Shins heart contract.

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- “Please stop Yong Ha, you are hurt...please let us help you...” - “Hurt? Yes, yes...I am ...hurt...my heart...my heart hurts so much...I feel like dying...” Yong Ha's voice broke several times as he incoherently kept rambling. - “Yong Ha what are you doing?” Jae Shin had to ask. - “Ah, I am cleaning..I have to get rid of some of my things...” - “Cleaning?!” It seemed incredulous to Jae Shin as he glanced across the devastation. - “or I think...my heart wont survive...ah ...I almost forgot...” Yong Ha struggled out of Jae Shins grip and going down on his knees and started searching for something. - “Here...you should take this...” Never looking up Yong Ha offered Jae Shin a neatly folded package. Carefully taking it Jae Shin realised that it was his old coat that he had left some time ago for spare. Surprised he noted that, unlike everything thrashed in Yong Ha's room, it was perfectly folded and pristine although slightly moist. Yong Ha must have spilled something on it. - “you should take it back...there is no need to keep it here anymore..no need.” Yong Ha added still not looking up. With the arrival of Jae Shin it seemed as if Yong Ha had calmed down where he was now sitting on the floor. Jae Shin thought he looked just like a lost child in the midst of a war, a heartbreaking thought. Putting the black cloth to the side he joined Yong Ha on the floor. - “Yong Ha, what is wrong?...Please tell me....” - “Ah...nothing is wrong...I am just cleaning a bit, before...” Yong Ha's voice faded out and then he added in a whisper. “Why?” - “Eh?” Jae Shin didn't understand the question. - “Why...you were almost...gone...”

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And Yong Ha turned to Jae Shin with his head still bowed down and started hitting Jae Shins chest feebly with is fists. “Why did you come back?...why...I had almost forgotten...why...why...why” and for each “why” he would enforce it with a hit of his fist until the words got lower and lower and his hits got softer and softer and Yong Ha fell forward, held up only by Jae Shins chest. Jae Shin, who had just remained there quietly taking the abuse, gripped Yong Ha's shoulders and gently put him down so his head rested in Jae Shins lap. And for the first time since he had come he could really see Yong Ha's face. Jae Shins gasped out as the he traced the tear streaked face. On one cheek Yong had a big blotch of what looked like blood and on the side of his temple he had a blue-purple bruise that he must have got in his frenzy of “cleaning”. His hair had come out of the knot and stood wildly around his heart shaped face and some downs had gotten stuck in it. Jae Shin picking the little downs realised that he had never seen Yong Ha like this before. He had always been so composed, so perfect, so pristine. Never revealing anything, always showing his smiling face. This was the first time Jae Shins thought of how fragile Yong Ha really was, and it touched him right in the heart. Finally Jae Shin could hear the regular breathing of Yong Ha and understood that he was asleep. Jae Shin breathed out. He had no idea what was going on but at least they could treat the wound now. He waved in the servants that silently tiptoed in, bringing supplies so Jae Shin could treat the sleeping Yong Ha. Carefully removing the upper garment of Yong Ha and sliding it of his wounded arm, Jae Shin gasped as he saw the long edgy cut that went along the entire part of his upper arm. Carefully removing the shards still lodged in the wound Jae Shin managed to clean and tie it up rather professionally, after all he had had lots of practice on himself. Casting a second glance at the sleeping Yong Ha he grabbed him under the neck and legs and stood up with the weight in his arms and walked over to the mattress. Tenderly putting Yong Ha down and pulling the cover over him he sat down next to him and just watched his face as he slept.

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Somehow the thought of leaving now was making Jae Shin think that he might not see Yong Ha again. Foolish thought. He chuckled to himself, he didn't believe in omens but he knew that there was something wrong and that Yong Ha didn't want to tell him what it was. Now that he thought about it Yong Ha had been strange for some time now. Jae Shin couldn’t put the finger on it since it was more a gut feeling, but it never lied. So he spent the rest of the night sitting next to his best friend watching him sleep while pondering on Yong Ha's actions. In the morning Jae Shin sneaked out and went home, before Yong Ha could wake. He was slightly embarrassed at the idea of sitting next to Yong Ha an entire night so he decided he would call on him later to talk about what had happened. Jae Shin had to find out or he would go crazy.

“and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright”

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Two days later, three annoyed young men were standing outside the gates of the Gu household. - “Oh, what can I do for the young masters, today?” The servant asked slightly surprised at seeing the three young men. - “Yes, we would like to meet Gu Yong Ha please” Yon Hee politely retorted thinking it weird that she had to state her business, after all was there any other reason for them to come here?. - “Young master isn't here anymore” the servant replied. - “Might I inquire when you are expecting him back?” Yon Hee continued slightly enervated at this seemingly daft servant. - “Young master isn't coming back.”the servant answered slightly snobbish thinking that these young men might be scholars but they must not be very intelligent. - “What do you mean he isn't coming back, where is he?” Jae Shin had finally had enough of this idiot. - “Young master left for Qing two days ago and we are not expecting him back any time soon.” The servant was about to close the door on the three petrified men when merchant Gu spotted them and decided to greet them.

- “Eh, he didn't tell you?” Merchant Gu exclaimed loudly not believing the rudeness of his, usually so polite son. “Yong Ha has been sent to Qing to be the main negotiator for the merchant guild. He will be gone for at least 5 years if not more.”

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All three made choking sounds of surprise but it was Jae Shin that took it the hardest. He immediately sprung up on his feet and stormed out of the Gu household. If the ground had opened up and swallowed Jae Shin he would have been less surprised that at what he had heard. Storming down the street a tempest of feelings was threatening to smother him. Yong Ha had left and he was never coming back? Ever? Yong Ha who had followed him around for ten years putting his nose into every tiny thing Jae Shin was doing was not here anymore to annoy him? Yong Ha who always teased him and threw his arm around him was gone? His Yong Ha who had always been there had left for Qing and not even told him he was going? His Yong Ha, his shadow, his... Why am I thinking of Yong Ha as mine? Jae Shin stopped short in his tracks. He must have had a reason. A good reason. A very, very good reason. But what? “and everything will be alright”

- “Sayung, Yong Ha left you a letter...” Sun Joon grabbed Jae Shins arms when he finally caught up to him and held out the letter. Jae Shin ripped it out of his hand and teared it open eager for an explanation, but instead of a lengthy explanation Yong Ha had only left one phrase.

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

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- “What does that mean? What does he mean?” Jae Shin was growling in frustration. What did Yong Ha mean by this cryptic saying? ...go with all your heart...

- “Sayung...doesn't it mean that Yong Ha left with the intent of never returning?” Yon Hee added when she finally got to read the letter.

Then, and only then did Jae Shin finally realise.

Yong Ha was really gone...and he had taken his heart with him.

“and everything will be alright”

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HURRICANE â&#x20AC;&#x153;No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret There is a fire inside of the heart and a riot about to explode into flamesâ&#x20AC;?

One runs, knowing why. One pursues, without knowing why. Will one stop running, and accept the truth? Will the other stop pursuing, once he gets to know the truth? Maybe one will meet his destiny, on the road he has taken to avoid it. Maybe the other will avoid his destiny, on the road he has taken to meet it. Maybe we all do. One or the other. No matter your choice in the end, just make sure you don't regret it. Just follow the warmth. For the fire in your heart never lies.

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”Where did you go? Heartbeat. I need a heartbeat.”

The caravan had stopped for the night and the small tents were scattered in the sand like little rocks, enhancing the vastness of the desert. They were mostly Korean merchant on their way to Qing, wearing the classical coat and topknot that diffused them from the Chinese. Although one if them stood out even from the merchants, with his ruffian looks, his unkempt hair and piercing eyes. Moon Jae Shin threw a final glance at the horizon before he dusted his coat and entered his tent. He grimaced at the sand pouring out of his shoe as he held it up. The sand was everywhere, penetrating everything, leaving an annoyingly gritty feeling. The same feeling he had in his heart ever since Yong Ha had left. He peered out of his small tent but all he could see was sand, sand and an darkening sky bleeding into the horizon. It was never-ending, mirroring his questions. Sitting down on his coat, eyes still on the horizon, he reached into his pocket to take out the reason for his journey. Carefully stroking the annoying sand of the rumpled note, he read the familiar words over and over again.

”Wherever you go, go with all your heart”

Gu Yong Ha. The name resounded in his heart until it skipped a beat and the familiar pressure over his chest took over.

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Heartbeat. What had been wrong with his heartbeat ever since Yong Ha left? He brought his hand up to his chest and felt the strong thumps of his heart, now back to its ordinary rhythm. As if his heart was trying to tell him something. Yet he was unable to decipher it, as he was unable to comprehend why Yong Ha had left. - "Why, why, why...why had he left? Why didn't he say anything? Why am I chasing him like my life depends on it?!!" Jae Shin had said the last sentence out loud as if the desert would answer it for him. Silence. Again letting his eyes caress the carefully scripted words, so familiar to him now, did not just make his heart contract but his gut churned, making him slightly nauseous. He had been staring at the note for over a year and a half now, trying to coax something from it. He wanted something more than just the words, but there was nothing. One time he thought that maybe a smudge could be tears, another time he felt like the note was taunting him. Yet, the meaning was clear and the words were engraved in his soul. Yong Ha had taken his heart and left. What really was the mystery was why Jae Shin felt so disturbed by it. If one was not to careful on how to phrase it one could say that Yong Ha not only taken his heart and left but also taken Jae Shins. Ridiculous idea. Jae Shin huffed at the idea. Yet, his heart skipped another beat. The first days, after Yong Ha had left, Jae Shin had thought that he was just mad at Yong Ha for not saying anything, but time passed and the feeling did not.

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He had kept reading the note over and over again, unable to let it go. His mind constantly analysing, his feet constantly pacing back and forward. Back and forward. Time passed and suddenly a year had gone by. Not one word from Yong Ha. Jae Shin felt alien in his skin. The void, that Yong Ha had left in Jae Shin's heart, felt unfathomable. Jae Shin was not unused to loss but he had never felt it like this. The loss of his brother had grown less with time but the loss of Yong Ha just grew larger for each day that passed. When had Yong Ha started take such a big space? Somehow Yong Ha had become his entire world. No, that was just ridiculous...there was no way... He had kept pacing back and forward. Strange feelings swirling in his core, feelings that took on words he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t dare speak out loud. Feelings he had never realised while Yong Ha had been in front of him. Feelings he had never held for Yoon He, he had realised one day, with a start. Yes, what he felt for Yong Ha was something entirely different. When they had, no when HE had embraced Yong Ha, something had happened, as if Yong Ha had been a catalyst. He could admit as much. The warm feeling of Yong Ha in his arms, how he had fit perfectly, his hands tentatively touching Jae Shin's back. Remembering it was making his cheeks warm. He had to know what it meant. So he had left his home. Chasing after the elusive answer and the even more elusive feeling. And when he is in front of me, I will... No, he refused to go into it. He just wanted to know why Yong Ha had left like that. They had been friends, so Yong Ha had an obligation to tell him. Yes, that's right. That was all there was to it. Nothing else. It was not as if he had gone on this wild goose-chase half across China just because he was in lo...

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He stopped before completing the phrase. Shaking his head, as if to clear the doubts, he refused to go further. Yet, his heart would insist, skipping a beat every time he read the note. Seeking answers, his mind replayed that last night, and those cryptic words. “Just once... without asking any questions...Would you hold me? Really hold me...” He could still feel Yong Ha's heartbeat thumping against his chest. But as much as he could remember the pleasant feeling of holding Yong Ha, his final drunken words were haunting Jae Shin. “Why did you come back?...why... I had almost forgotten...why...why...why?!” What had he meant? Forgotten what? Jae Shin thought he would crawl out of his skin of sheer impatience. He had to know what all this meant, what Yong Ha had meant. - “Aish!” He exclaimed as he closed the flap to the tent and annoyed threw himself on the blanket to catch some sleep before the fatiguing journey through the desert would commence once more. Yet he knew that sleep would not be calm, as it hadn't been since Yong Ha left. He was deep in a disturbing dream when he heard the fearful voices in the background. Words that made too much sense. The words made Jae Shin leap up in an acute state of awareness, but it was already too late. - “Sandstorm!” Before he had reached the tent flap, the storm was over them like a hurricane. Relentless, violent and unforgiving. Just like the words in Yong Ha's note. Outside it was darkness and chaos, mingled with desperate people running around trying to tie down anything that could blow away. The wind was scorching, turning little specks of sand to lethal projectiles. Jae Shin hurried to

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help hold the tethers for a flailing tent when a pole ripped loose and hit him right on the cheek. The impact was strong enough to send him to his knees and he saw stars for several seconds as he lost the grip on the rope. As the heavy tent collapsed, he didn't have a second to react in his confused state, and ended up painfully pinned to the ground with the main weight on his shoulders. It would be impossible to move it himself, he realised instinctively, relaxing into the sand trying to relieve some of the weight from the poles. As he laid there, conveniently covered from the storm, a thought came to his mind and he started laughing. - “So this is my Dae Sa Rae?” and he continued laughing as he remembered how Sun Joon had been pinned underneath the pile of poles right before the archery contest. - “It hurts like hell...doesn't it Sun Joon?” He stopped laughing as he realised how much it must have hurt pulling a bow after a hit like this. Reluctantly his esteem for Sun Joon rose a grade, as if he would need it – Jae Shin's esteem for Sun Joon was already sky high, or he would never have given up on Yoon Hee. There just wasn't any beating that man. - “But we won that contest, didn't we?” He chuckled. Maybe this time too, he would win. He just didn't know what the prize would be. Occasionally dozing off, hearing the storm still rise, he no longer had any idea how long had he been there, but it felt long enough. He was hungry, thirsty and his shoulder had started to hurt seriously. Somewhere along his thoughts and the storm he fell asleep, dreaming of Yong Ha flittering around, laughing his reverberating laugh. Before his mind gave out completely he thought he could hear Yong Ha's voice in a distance... - “Ahh, maybe that would be the prize then....” and he chuckled, making the pain in his shoulder increase tenfold and then all went black.

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“The love we had, we had to let it go”

Gu Yong Ha's heart was not breaking. He had to tell himself. Yet the lump in his throat was making it hard to breath and his eyes were tearing up so much that he could no longer see the familiar figure lying unconscious on his bed. It is true..., he thought, as his tears started falling unhindered.

“One often meets one's destiny, on the roads one takes to avoid it.” How cruel fate is. No matter how hard I tried to let him go, here he is. Well, he always has been my destiny, hasn't he? It is just that I...have never...been his... - “Isn't that right, Moon Jae Shin?” He slowly touched Jae Shins cheek with his thumb. Yong Ha smiled. Jae Shin had changed nothing. Nothing at all. That familiar mouth, the curve of his nose, the hair unkempt as always. It was as if time had stood still. As if Yong Ha had never left. Yes, when they brought him in from the storm he had know straight away who it had been. He had felt it. At first he had thought that his deprived mind was playing tricks on him, that he was missing Jae Shin so much that his mind had conjured him up. A ghost to fill the void. For what would Moon Jae Shin be doing so far away from his home? But he had realised very quickly that he wasn't insane, and that indeed, Moon Jae Shin had come all this way to torment him. How cruel. For Yong Ha, time had not stood still. It had moved in a torturous fast rate, changing everything, except the one thing he wanted changed. His heart. Yet he was proud of the man he had become, for he had changed and every time he looked in the mirror now he liked what he saw.

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No matter what secrets he kept under close guard in his heart, he was proud to be who he was. But would he be able to retain it, now that the key to his locked heart had come here. Maybe the destruction of everything Yong Ha had built up would follow in Jae Shins path. Not being able to tear his eyes away from Jae Shins face, he knew it didn't matter, for his heart was rejoicing at seeing Jae Shin again. Rejoicing until hurting. Yong Ha knelt next to the bed, as everything he had kept locked in came rushing back at the fervour of a hurricane, levelling everything to the ground. He unconsciously brought his hand up to his chest, to the hollow space where his heart should be, where now a storm was raging. He should not have run away, he realised it now. It had solved nothing. He had known deep down that his feelings would not change, yet he had to try. Coming here, he had reached an equilibrium where he could pretend to live, pretend he didn't love, pretend to be human. Yet after all this time and effort, he still felt hollow. A cannister without its content. For one and a half years he had pretended. And now, the content of him was here, lying right in front of him. Here, the man he loved so deeply was lying right in front of him, and how he had missed him. He had missed him so much that he was overflowing at the sight of him. No, his heart wasn't breaking. He had none anymore. When he left without saying a word he had left his heart. He had made his decision, he had done the best he could at the time, yet here Moon Jae Shin was lying as if to taunt his decision. As if fate was telling him â&#x20AC;&#x153;you thought you would get away? I will follow you always, for there is no escape...from love.â&#x20AC;? The sharpness of the pain made him gasp as he increased the pressure of his hands to his chest. He was so lost in his torment that he didn't feel the tug on his coat at first, until he heard a low gurgling. Turning, he realised that Min-Min was sitting right

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next to him, tugging at his coat, looking at him with her huge black eyes as if to say that she understood. Not being able to help himself he smiled and lifted the baby to cradle in his arms. Yes, this was his equilibrium. His reason for staying human. - “Shh, its ok Min-Min. Papa is fine. See...” he cooed in to her ear and continued to cradle her as he could feel the intense pain slowly giving way to a dull ache. It was still there but it was becoming bearable. - “Thank you, Min-Min...what would papa do without you?” He stood up and with another glance on the source of both his utmost joy and pain, he left the room, leaving in his wake a vortex of dust particles swirling around.

“Burn let it all burn. This hurricane's chasing us all underground”

Jae Shin was slowly coming to, the sound of a child playing entering his mind. He slowly twisted his head towards the sound. The baby was sitting on the floor playing with a wooden horse. Its content gurgling as it was bashing the horse on the floor was so endearing that Jae Shin caught himself smiling. The scene was so peaceful that he almost fell asleep again but his eyes snapped open as a familiar figure walked into the room towards the baby. He would have recognised that fluid movement and that deep vibrating voice anywhere. - “There you are...you shouldn't be here..you will wake our guest, love.”

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Jae Shin could not breath as the familiar voice echoed in his empty heart and it struck him how much he had really missed Yong Ha. He fervently started to get up from the bed and almost called out, but stopped in a movement as Yong Ha bent over the baby, lifted her and gave her a big smack on the cheek making the baby gurgle in contentment. - “Who is papa's girl? Are you papa's girl?” Jae Shin's breath got caught in his throat and his heart made a painful leap as he realised that the baby must be Yong Ha's. Yong Ha's child. The mere thought made Jae Shin sick to the stomach. It had never occurred to him. For some reason he had imagined Yong Ha to be in the same state as himself. Disoriented, lost, anything but this. How foolish he was. It seemed that the only persons who's life had been on hold was Jae Shin's, he finally understood that now. And it hurt, his entire chest felt like it had caught fire and was now burning out of control. It hurt enough to make him lie down again and shut his eyes, shutting out the loving scene of Yong Ha with his child. He should have known better. He should have understood. It all made sense now. Perfect sense. Horrible sense. While Jae Shin had been chasing ghosts, everyone else had lived their lives. Happily. Jae Shin felt the utter fool. - “I should not have come...” His fists curled up so hard he could hear them crack. He couldn't decide if he was more mad over rushing after Yong Ha like a fool or the fact that Yong Ha had a family. Somehow it made him feel betrayed. Abandoned, again. And he still didn't understand why. It made him mad. He wanted to chase these feelings away. Or if he could not he would bury them in the underground of his mind, and heart. Or burn them out of his chest.

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How funny, he realised. Here he had chased after Yong Ha like a hurricane, only to, in the end, want to bury the feelings that had brought him there. Fate has a strange sense of humour.

“Do you really want me, dead or alive to live a lie”

The next time he woke up was to the sound of a woman humming a familiar tune. He could feel a gentle hand on his forehead and he reached up to grab it. Habit, he cursed to himself as the woman yelped in surprise. - “S..ssorry..” it was hard to speak. - “sshhh...” the woman replied. “You have been very sick...don't speak...” - “I am fine...just need to...” Jae Shin protested and sat up. He had been through worse, yet he had to gasp as his shoulder was not responding well. - “You should lie down...You were hurt..” The woman put her cool hand on his shoulder and pressed but he was not yielding. Their battle stopped abruptly as a deep reverberating voice echoed in the room. - “You better let him do as he wants, there is no stopping Sungkyunkwan's Crazy Horse, once he makes up his mind”

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Yong Ha chuckled. He had lingered in the doorway, afraid to enter and yet dying to go in, and the battle of two wills had given him the perfect opportunity to get over his insecurities.. - “Yes, but he really should take it easy...” The woman insisted. - “Ok, I will see what I can do, now leave us, please.” Yong Ha smiled at her assuredly as she left the room. - “That is one persistent wife you have there.” Jae Shin muttered as Yong Ha elegantly walked up to the bed and sat down on the stool, smoothing out any wrinkles his garb might have, as if it had been any royal banquet. Jae Shin smiled to himself at this innocent display of outwordly elegance that Yong Ha seemed saturated by without making any effort. Yong Ha was sitting so that Jae Shin could only focus on one part of his face. It was slightly frustrating since it made him unable to read Yong Ha's eyes. - “Wife?” Yong Ha exclaimed surprised and whipped his head around before catching himself. Quickly turning back his head he continued. - “Ahh, yes...she can be pretty obstinate...just like Min-Min.” Yong Ha smiled but it did no reach his eyes. Jae Shin thinking he had a wife was maybe for the best. Yet, he couldn't avoid feeling slightly hurt by the thought that Jae Shin thought he was married. - “Min-Min?” Jae Shin had to ask, even though he knew perfectly well who it was. - “Ah, yes, you haven't met her yet. She is Ae-Mi's daugh.. I mean 'our' daughter. She will be one year soon.” Yong Ha's eyes went soft at the thought of his cute “daughter”. - “Ah.” Jae Shin averted his eyes as everything he had feared was confirmed. He didn't want to see the love in Yong Ha's face for his wife and daughter. It hurt. Trying to raise himself even more from the half-lying position he had, he gasped out in pain as the shoulder made itself felt again.

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- “Jae Shin!” Yong Ha all forgot to hide his face at the exclamation of pain from Jae Shin. - “Are you alright? Shall I fetch someone?” Jae Shin chuckled at the obvious concern that was so like Yong Ha, yet when he looked up, the laugh bubbling in his chest froze and all that came out was a half choked sound. For the first time he could see the reason why Yong Ha had sat in half profile when they were talking. Yong Ha who had been frantic at Jae Shins pain had completely forgotten to keep his injured face in shadows. He had found it more practical when dealing with people, since the sight of the scar at his temple, often brought people to forget their business. It had already been one and a half years since the, now dead, marauder had sliced him, yet the scar seemed just as angry as before, sporting a red puckered surface starting at his hairline following an uneven trail which stopped right at his cheekbone. He thought himself that it didn't look so horrible, but maybe that was because he was used to seeing the scar every day. If they really wanted to see a horrible scar they should see his back. Yet the wound on his back was his pride, a small cost to pay for the lives of Ae-Mi and Min-Min. Yet, as he saw the look in Jae Shin's eyes he felt very conscious of himself. He had always taken pride in being well dressed and groomed and here he was, dressed very simply in a Chinese robe of white cotton, his hair in a Chinese braid, rather than the Korean topknot, and a scar in his flawless face. - “Ah..yes..” He brought his hand up to his scar and looked away. For some reason he didn't want Jae Shin to see it, a ridiculous feeling, but he couldn't stop himself. How was it that Jae Shin managed to make him feel so self-conscious every time. He felt very girlish hiding like this. No, he couldn't revert back to his old self, he had to live life like he had decided. Which did not include hiding. So he bravely turned towards Jae Shin, on purpose giving him a full view of the scar. Jae Shin was mute.

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What had happened to Yong Ha in the one and a half years he had been away? He skimmed over the scar and he could feel his heart contract. It hurt him when he thought of the pain it must have inflicted at its creation. He smiled gently at Yong Ha's reaction when Jae Shin had seen the scar. Before he would have squealed and complained how the scar would have destroyed his life, but here he sat completely still, not saying a word. Just his eyes telling the pain and effort it took him to live with this every day. Yong Ha had grown up. Maybe more than Jae Shin, he silently thought to himself as he mentally noted the simple garments and hair Yong Ha wore. It suited him more than he would know and it made him look younger than ever. If it had not been for his eyes. There was something in Yong Ha's eyes he couldn't place. Something new, and something hidden. Almost getting lost in Yong Ha's gaze, a thought entered his head and his smile faltered. Of course Yong Ha had grown up, he had a family now. A wife and a child. How would Jae Shin ever be able to ask him the questions that had been burning on his tongue for so long. Again he felt the familiar ache. He had come so far to know the truth, yet when it sat in front of him, his tongue was glued to his pallet. He opened his mouth to ask but no words came out. How do you ask such a thing? Jae Shin felt as the fool again. It was as if history was repeating itself. Jae Shin was reliving Yoon He. When he had finally gotten the chance to tell her everything, it was already too late. Once again he was too late. Too late, and because he was a man that didn't like to impose, he too would repeat himself. He would not ask Yong Ha anything. Anything at all. For he knew that if he did, nothing would ever be the same. No, he would leave it at this. Yong Ha had a family and Jae Shin would not interfere, ever. Resolution formed in his heart and he could feel the last year's obsession melt away, as ice in spring. Jae Shin was not speaking and Yong Ha could see a multitude of emotions play in his eyes as he was silently watching him. Yong Ha could see pain, amusement and finally resolution. Undefined resolution.

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Although he didn't understand the implications he could see no disgust and Yong Ha was relieved. He realised that he had been terrified that Jae Shin would find the scar ugly. How vain he was, he scolded himself. Finally Jae Shin spoke and only a very close friend would have heard the tremble in his voice. - “The scar...how?” - “Ahh...it is a short, not very important story. It does not bother me to talk about it anymore...If you would like to hear it, that is...” - “Ah.”

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~ Yong Ha's story ~

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tell me would you kill, to save a life?â&#x20AC;? The blade had sunk into the man much easier than Yong Ha had thought. For some reason he had imagined killing a man would be much harder. Not like this. If it wasn't for the sticky blood seeping out and covering his hand, still holding the knife, he would have laughed out loud. Instead he gave out a choked sound as he let the knife go and took a step back as the man reached out a hand toward Yong Ha before he collapsed into a pile. The chaotic sounds of people screaming were slowly seeping into his world again as the chock of taking a life was running of him in a river of angst. He had really done it. He, Gu Yong Ha had taken a life, and nothing would ever be the same. He felt frozen in place, yet calmer than he had ever felt. The wound on his temple, that the now dead man had afflicted, was throbbing and the blood was blinding him on one eye. Yet, it meant nothing to him. How was it that in the midst of this chaos he felt like the vortex of a hurricane. As if everything happening was not affecting him in anyway, as if he was just a spectator. And he was. Gu Yong Ha had always been a spectator in life, in friends, in love. Wasn't that why he had left? He looked around at the people running, trying to escape the marauders merciless slaughter. How typical, he thought. Of all the caravans in the desert, they had to attack the caravan of his father, that he had also taken to get to Qing. No, to escape to Qing. Fate really had an interesting sense of humour. Yong Ha felt as if he had spent his entire life running away from something. He was fed up. He didn't want to run anymore. Wasn't this why he had wanted to change? He looked at his hand that was drenched in blood. A grim resolve gripped him as he brought his bloody hand up to his face. Gu Yong Ha was through being a spectator. He was through loosing things, he...

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Suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder and screamed in his ear. - “RUN...” It was the sympathetic merchant that he had shared many evening with by the fire. His usually kind eyes were filled with panic and in the other hand he was holding a firm grip on his pregnant wife. - “Run...ru” Before Yong Ha even had a chance to reply, the merchants words got cut short by the arrow protruding from his chest. The man fell forward and Yong Ha caught him against his chest. For that second the man's whisper reached Yong Ha's ear. - “Save her...our child...” As Yong Ha could see his eyes glaze over he heard the merchants wife scream in horror, yet all he could think of was the man's plead. - “...our child....” The only things that made sense in Yong Ha's world right now were these words, for he knew them to be true, she was most important and Gu Yong Ha would not loose this time. - “I promise...” and without further ceremony he gently put the dying man down and grabbed his hysterical wife by the wrist. - “Run...” He screamed, and they did. They ran from chaos, horror and death. They ran for their lives, and the life of a yet unborn. But they did not reach far. A large beast with a grinning marauder on top blocked their path. Yong Ha roughly pushed the woman behind him as he tried to find anything to fight with. Nothing. There was nothing to help and fear gripped Yong Ha's heart. Maybe he wouldn't be able to hold that promise after all. No, No, he refused to give up. He had nothing more to loose anyway. In a scream of refusal he lounged himself on the man on the horse. It was crazy, reckless and completely unlike Yong Ha. Yet, it worked. The man on the horse was so surprised by the attack from the prissy man in front of him, that

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it had never occurred to him that he would fight back, and Yong Ha was stronger than he thought. The man fell of the horse in a surprised thunk and Yong Ha went for the sword. Before the marauder had caught his breath, it was stolen away by his own sword lodged in his chest. He had done it. He had killed. Again. Yet this time he felt light-headed and triumphant, for this time he had protected someone. He, Gu Yong Ha had protected someone. Laughing out loud, he turned around to the woman only to have his smile falter when he realised that another marauder had sneaked up behind them. The man was now busy trying to rip the clothes of the terrified woman, and it was obvious what his intention was. Gu Yong Ha went cold as ice and for the first time in his life he went mad, really mad. Or rather insane. It started as a prickle in his neck. Clenching his jaws he felt it wander over his neck, sinking into his muscles, tensing, flexing. Gritting his teeth, the red fog slowly crept into the corners of his eyes until all was coloured blood, seeping into his heart. He could hear his knuckles cracking as his hands curled up, forcefully making his nails sink into the soft flesh of the palm. The feeling of flesh breaking and bleeding was satisfying, but not nearly enough. Riding his endorphins from the chock of killing, Yong Ha's lip curled upward and showed his teeth in a feral grin. He felt invincible, and this time he would not loose. Never again. He grabbed the sword lodged in the chest of the dead attacker, it gave way with a fleshy satisfying sound. Then he briskly walked up to the occupied marauder and stabbed him with all his might in the neck. The blow was so fatal that it almost took his entire head of and he collapsed dead, on top of the screaming woman, without making any noise. Yong Ha grabbed the corpse and dragged it off the hysterical woman, who stopped screaming as soon as she saw Yong Ha's eyes. Even to this day she refused to tell him what she had seen in his eyes that time. Yong Ha chuckled to himself. Maybe it was for the best, for he didn't really want to know what kind of beast was inside him. He wasn't ready yet, if he ever would be.

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He had helped her stand up and she had fallen into his arms. Somehow the warm body had brought memories to the surface. Another time, another place, a love lost. It was slowly bringing him to his senses. Just as the chock was clearing he had looked over her shoulder and seen the man launching himself at them with his sword raised menacingly high. Before Yong Ha had known it, he had thrown her around and taken the slash in his back. Surprisingly it hadn't hurt at all. He had just kept holding her as the marauder lifted his sword to finish them off. A blow that never came. As the corners of his eyes were bleeding out the red of his anger and slowly absorbing the black, he could hear the troops signal. They were saved. Relief flooded him and he lost the little power that had kept him standing so long, yet he never let go of his hold on the woman. She was crying now, as he could feel himself falling. He had never felt so calm, or content. He had done it. He, Gu Yong Ha had protected someone. I did it Jae Shin. I did it! Would you be proud of me now? Would you? - “Please..someone help us..” the woman was crying helplessly. Yong Ha wanted to comfort her but for some reason it was difficult to talk or move. - “Sssshh...s'allright...'m fine..” His slurry words did nothing to comfort her, and his vision was giving out. Dying wasn't hard at all, he thought. It was just as easy as killing. As long as you don't fight it. And Yong Ha had no more reason to fight anymore.

- “I's alrigh...'m Gu Y'ng Ha...I 'm fine...” And with a smile, darkness claimed him.

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“Do you really want me, dead or alive to torture for my sins...”

Jae Shin was quiet. He was shocked, appalled and proud. And Yong Ha could see it in his eyes. He had never retold this story to anyone before, and somehow he felt a little lighter. As if sharing the story made it less heavy to bear. - “I had no idea...Yong Ha” Jae Shin didn't know where to start. The story was incredible and he could feel, by just looking at Yong Ha, that every word was true. This was not another entertainment from the eternal jester, but a life changing experience. Yes, it explained Yong Ha's eyes. There was no games hidden there anymore. Yong Ha's eyes were all Yong Ha now, and Jae Shin decided that he liked this. He liked the directness he could see and for the first time he felt as if he could be himself completely without feeling as one of Gu Yong Ha's puppets. As Jae Shin was slowly taking in Yong Ha's new composure he was not prepared for the question. - “Why did you come?” Yong Ha could no longer stop himself. He had to know. - “Ah...that is...” Jae Shin had never been a good liar. “I was...I mean I wanted...eeeh..” This was no good. He could see Yong Ha narrow his eyes and he knew he was seeing right through his non-existent excuse. He had to invent something, now. - “I am on a mission for the police force...top secret...” Jae Shin felt himself blushing at the atrocious idea but he had no better plan just now. - “Oh...”

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Yong Ha was genuinely impressed. He had always known Jae Shin was good, and that he would be perfect as a police with his sense of justice and righteousness, but this was impressive. - “So you didn't come here for me?” The words had slipped out of Yong Ha before he even knew it. Feebly trying to cover up his mistake, he added. “I mean, it was really pure chance that you ended up here, in my home.” Yong Ha added a small chuckle to cover his embarrassment. Of course Jae Shin would never have come here for Yong Ha, how ridiculous. - “Yes, pure chance.” Jae Shin added but in his mind he couldn't let go of the feeling that it was not chance that had played here but rather fate. Cruel, inescapable fate.

Jae Shin stayed, recuperating for more than two weeks in Yong Ha's home. He didn't want to admit it but the warmth of Yong Ha's humble home was like honey on his abused soul. Yong Ha's wife was amazingly pleasant and a marvellous cook and Min-Min turned into Jae Shin's treasure in no time. It was just irresistible when she crawled up to him and tried to gurgle his name. She became Jae Shins eternal shadow when he moved around in their home, continuously crawling after him as soon as he moved. Yong Ha just sighed and laughed. Of course his “daughter” would take a liking to the man he loved. She was very perceptive and Jae Shin was irresistible after all. It so happened that the very first word she spoke was something that sounded suspiciously like “Goel Oh”, taking after Yong Ha, as he reverted back to his earlier days in no time. Jae Shin made it easy.

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Yet, under the surface, Yong Ha was tortured. Having Jae Shin so close, yet unable to touch was a never ending punishment. Even worse, sometimes he could feel Jae Shin watching him and at those times something he had never seen before flashed in Jae Shin's eyes before disappearing so quickly he thought he had imagined it. Yet he could not hope. He did not dare to hope, as he was using all the force he had to just keep himself from breaking. Yong Ha dreaded the day Jae Shin would leave, knowing there was a good chance he would not be able to sustain it. Jae Shin was also suffering in silence. The more he got to know this new Yong Ha, the more he wanted to stay, the more he wanted to be with him and tell him...Yes, it was becoming clearer and clearer the more he watched Yong Ha. How had he never seen it before? How could he have missed it? It had been there laid out in front of him for so long. All had fallen into place one night as he was watching Yong Ha play with MinMin, laughing loud. Yong Ha had turned his head towards Jae Shin and his glorious smile and the sheen in his eyes had slowly faltered, to be replaced by an infinite sadness that made Jae Shin's world tilt. It felt like torture to see that look in his eyes, unable to change it. In that instant Jae Shin would have done anything to hold Yong Ha, to wrap his arms around him. Yes, he had realised that he would give everything to make Yong Ha happy. More than anything he wanted him to smile and laugh. For that was when he was as most beautiful. Caught in his thoughts he didn't hear Yong Ha walk up to him. - “Jae Shin? Are you ok?” The concern was obvious, yet since he got no response from Jae Shin, Yong Ha put his hand on his shoulder. - “Jae Shin?” Startled out of his reverie, Jae Shin flew out of his chair, tripped on a chair-leg and fell on top of Yong Ha, making them both tumble roughly to the floor.

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It took Jae Shin 0.68 seconds to realise that he was lying on top of Yong Ha, in a very compromising position, his mouth only millimetres away from Yong Ha's plump lips. Yet time could have stood still and he did not want to move. How easy it would be to just lean in and breach that last distance and end his torment. For he had finally realised what was missing. Yong Ha opened his eyes and found himself lost in the forest of Jae Shins smouldering eyes. Opening his mouth to voice something he found no words for what he wanted to say. - “Ohh, are you ok both of you?” Ae-Mi had come into the room and voiced her worry at finding both men of her household lying entangled on the floor, one of them wounded at that. The moment was lost and Jae Shin struggled to get up without touching Yong Ha. He could feel his entire front burning from Yong Ha's body heat, his heart violently beating against his chest. - “Ah, yes...we stumbled..” Yong Ha sheepishly explained as he could feel his face reddening. He didn't dare look Jae Shin in the face. - “Well, if none of you are hurt then come and eat something.” They both sat down at the table and started eating in silence what Ae-Mi had brought in. The silence was helping Jae Shin who had come to a new decision in his heart. The tumble had strengthened it. When they had finished the meal, Jae Shin voiced his new decision, out loud, as if to defy his violently throbbing heart. - “I am leaving, tomorrow.” Yong Ha didn't dare look up. He could feel his heart contract and expand as it was pressing his blood around his body, yet every squeeze was turning heavier and heavier until he found himself short of breath. - “Ah..” Was all Yong Ha could press out as he struggled to not throw himself in front of Jae Shin to beg him to stay. His entire body felt alien. He could feel the blood coursing underneath his skin, he could hear the sounds in

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his ears as the same blood passed through too narrow passages close to his eardrums. His hands went cold and he felt nauseous. Stop it, Yong Ha. You knew he would leave. Pull yourself together. Be a man. Be the man you have always wanted to be. He flexed his fists. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes, I will make sure you have everything you need.â&#x20AC;? He added as he contained himself and looked straight at Jae Shin. He tore his eyes away before they started tear up, stood up and went to look for Min-Min. Jae Shin was looking after the receding figure while telling his treacherous heart to calm down. Then, without saying anything else, he also left the room, in the opposite direction. Only Ae-Mi was still sitting at the table, with a confounded look in her eyes. Ae-Mi found Yong Ha much later on the porch where he was showing her daughter the stars. The scene was so lovely that she couldn't help from smiling fondly. She owed so much to Yong Ha that she would never be able to even start paying him back. He had saved her life, saved Min-Min's life and been given a horrible scar in its place. Yet he had never mentioned it, but given them both shelter and a home, without asking anything in return. He was like a real father to Min-Min, in place of her murdered one, without ever asking anything from her. So she had decided to be his housekeeper, friend and confidant. She had offered more, but Yong Ha had just smiled sadly and told her that he had already given his heart away and that she deserved more than that. She knew how much Yong Ha was suffering. She had understood that he was in love with someone he should not be in love with, and with time he had told her it was his best friend, a man. Yet she judged not. How could she. Yong Ha was her saviour and she loved him like a brother, maybe more.

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She just wanted him to be happy and she thought she had brought him a small measure of peace as they had lived here. Now the man he was in love with had come and everything had been placed on a knifes edge. Yet she knew that Yong Ha would never mention anything and tilt the equilibrium. He was too considerate and kind. He was convinced that his love was unrequited and therefore he would say nothing. He would just keep suffering. She on her part was not as convinced that it was unrequited. There were times when the strangers eyes shifted as they looked at Yong Ha, changed in a way that her husbands eyes had done when he had looked at her. For her, they had meant love. Yes, she was sure the stranger was not unaffected by Yong Ha, which had also been confirmed as she had come in and found them on the floor. An unaffected man would not have lingered like that and turned beet red when she had pointed it out. She chuckled. Shame, if she had seen them earlier she would not have interrupted them, but waited to see what the stranger would have done. She was almost certain he would have kissed Yong Ha. So why didn't he say anything? And now he had proclaimed that he would be leaving. It had hurt her to see Yong Ha's reaction to the news. Aish, how come men were so complicated in love? It had been the same with her husband. If she hadn't sneaked into his bed one night, they would probably never had gotten married. She chuckled again, at the memory. Yes, she would have to intervene. She would do it for Yong Ha, and her heart filled with joy at the idea of Yong Ha smiling genuinely, from his heart. Yes, she would give him love, if he would not do it himself. That would be her gift to him. Still chuckling she went in and left her two most important persons lingering on the porch, exploring the night sky.

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- “Are you going to leave without saying good bye?” The words startled Jae Shin. He had on purpose gone up too early to do exactly that, but being caught he refused to admit it. Even to himself. Instead he threw the words back to the person uttering them. - “Did you get up extra early to make sure I was leaving?” The words were unnaturally harsh. - “Why would I want you to leave?” Ae-Mi was confounded. - “Well, doesn't every wife want exclusivity on their husbands?” Jae Shin didn't really know what he was saying, Ae-Mi had taken him unprepared, a feeling he wasn't used to making his words exaggeratively brutal. He was also unprepared for the next words that came. - “Yong Ha is not my husband.” - “Ah, yes...well I guess the formalities doesn't really matter out here.” Jae Shin was embarrassed to have raised the subject. It was none of his business if they were married or not. - “I don't think you understand. I am the housekeeper and friend of Gu Yong Ha. I am not his lover.” Ae-Mi didn't want to play this game anymore. Jae Shin wasn't sure to understand. - “But you have a child together?” - “No, I have a child, but Gu Yong Ha is not her father.” - “but I thought...but he said...” Jae Shins mind wasn't working anymore. Then a horrible thought came to him. “does Yong Ha know?” - “Wha..? Of course he knows...how slow can you be...” Ae-Mi was getting frustrated. This man was just not getting it. She would have to tell him everything. - “Min-Min is the child I was bearing when our caravan was attacked one and a half years ago. My husband was killed and Yong Ha saved us from certain death. I am starting to understand how it was that you, never even once

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during ten years of friendship, understood that your best friend was in love with you. You are so slow its bordering on frustration.” Ae-Mi had walked up to Jae Shin, grabbed his shoulders and she was shaking him lightly as she was speaking. - “Who... is what?” Jae Shin didn't understand anything this woman was telling him. He felt the world turning around and around as her words were slowly seeping into his mind. Somehow it sounds as if she telling me that she and Yong Ha are just friends, that Min-Min is not his child and that he is in love with me? Of these three things one seemed to matter most and that was the one he voiced out loud, in surprise. - “Yong Ha is in love with me?” - “Yes, and now that you know...What will you do?” - “What do you mean? Yong Ha can't be in love with me, that's ridiculous...why haven't he said anyth...” Jae Shin went quiet as all the pieces were slowly fitting together. Yong Ha looking at him sometimes with that look in his eyes. Yong Ha laughing and then turning quiet as Jae Shin's eyes strayed to Yoon Hee. Yong Ha hugging him, a little too long. Yong Ha crying silently as Jae Shin came back from a nightly raid wounded. Yong Ha asking him for a hug, that last evening. Yong Ha, crazy drunk, redecorating his room into chaos, the night before he left. Yong Ha's words on the rumpled note.

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Jae Shin was afraid to breath. - “It was because of me, wasn't it? He left because of me...because he loves me...” - “Yes...and here you are...and now you know...” Ae-Mi had finally reached the thick-skulled man. All she could do now was hope. - “Gu Yong Ha is very precious to me and I want to give him happiness, but I cannot..” - “Only you...can do that.” All this time Jae Shin had felt as if Yong Ha had unleashed a hurricane, throwing Jae Shin around in the storm without mercy, and now, he felt as if he was in the eye of it, looking out. He could see the storm raging around him, yet he was untouched. Searching his pocket for the note he brought it out and rushed into the house. There was something he had to ask. Something important.

Yong Ha had just risen from bed and was splashing water on his face. He was only dressed in his pants and with his braid casually thrown over his shoulder, when Jae Shin crashed through his door. As Yong Ha had stood with his back towards the door, he froze in place. He didn't dare turn around and see Jae Shin's face. Instead he stared down into the bowl with water, where the waterdrops falling of his face were forming ringlets. All he could think of was that Jae Shin was leaving, and that now he had also seen the scar on Yong Ha's back. At the very least he would have liked him to

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leave without seeing the scar. He had no logical reason for this, except that it was as if the scar was a rift straight into his soul. It made him too vulnerable. Yet, despite his attempts to not uncover it, here he was. Completely exposed, naked. Any word coming from Jae Shins lips now would be the end of him. Yes, fate was cruel.

Jae Shin, in his turn, had frozen in the doorway at the sight of the half naked Yong Ha. It had taken him several seconds to force his eyes from the water droplets lingering on Yong Ha's shoulder to the huge, grotesque scar on his back. Nothing, nothing in this world could have prepared him for the sight of this scar on Yong Ha's body. Unable to hold back, he let out a choked sound at the realisation that this scar was proof that Yong Ha had almost died. He had almost lost his Yong Ha and his heart skipped a beat at the thought. Ah, yes, his heartbeat. Now he finally knew what it meant and suddenly nothing was more important than the man in front of him. He could feel his heart blossom as he let the feelings he had held in for so long, fill it. Yes, this was the beginning. He felt amazingly free, for he now understood what Yong Ha's note meant. Yong Ha had not taken his heart and left. He had left it with Jae Shin, so he could bring it back to him, together with his heart. Jae Shin had walked a path seeking his destiny and here he was, as far away from it as he could be. He was free and Yong Ha had made it possible. There was so much he wanted to give Yong Ha. Jae Shin smiled and took a step towards the quiet figure in front of him.

Yong Ha heard the sound Jae Shin made and suddenly the ringlets in the bowl were multiplying as his hot tears started falling. Yes, this was the end.

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The end of all his efforts. He had tried so hard, yet now it was all undone. He had contained his feelings for over ten years, never even once saying anything. Plagued by Jae Shins love for another and his ignorance of Yong Ha's feelings, he had brutally left when he could not contain it any longer. Yet, not being able to stop himself he had left the note for Jae Shin, hoping deep down for something impossible. Yong Ha had walked a path to avoid his destiny, yet here he was looking it dead in the eye. Now there was nothing more of him to give. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand tentatively touching his exposed skin on his back. Yong Ha drew a shaky breath in shock. This was not what he had expected. Jae Shin traced his hand over the back, over the scar and up to Yong Ha's neck. He was mesmerized. The feeling of Yong Ha's wet skin on the neck was making Jae Shins fingertips tingle. Why had he never done this before? Taking one more step closer, he reached around Yong Ha's waist and pulled him into his chest with a forceful tug, his face ending up right in the crook of Yong Ha's neck. Breathing in, Jae Shin could feel his heart pounding ever more strongly against Yong Ha's scar. This was not at all what Yong Ha had expected. He didn't know how to respond. Was this another sinister plan from fate to utterly destroy him by making him hope? Why was Jae Shin hugging him? Why was he here? Yong Ha would have assumed he would sneak of in the night and never return. Yet here he was, holding on to Yong Ha as if it was all that stood between him and a void. Jae Shin's breath on his cool skin made him shiver and Yong Ha closed his eyes, lingering in the pleasure before judgement would be passed. Yet, the words whispered to him was not at all what he had expected, either. - “Wherever You go, I will go too...” As Jae Shin uttered the words loud, he knew they were true. For he had finally understood that Yong Ha was his heart. And he was Yong Ha's. That was what his heart had been trying to tell him for so long. - “I will never let you go, again...”

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It took a long time for Yong Ha relax into Jae Shins embrace. Even longer to understand the words. Yet when they struck him it was not through hearing, but through Jae Shins heartbeats against his scar. The meaning was as clear as it was strong entering through the rift, directly into his soul. Bringing his hand up to cover Jae Shins, he could feel the warmth penetrating his cold skin. It made him smile. Yes, maybe the path to follow has nothing to do with fate, but the heart. Letting Jae Shin warm him, Yong Ha decided that, yes it had to be true. Then he sighed and leant into Jae Shins embrace, the note that Jae Shin had dropped, abandoned on the floor.

As Jae Shin had stormed into the house, Ae-Mi had worriedly followed him, thinking that he was going to brutally assault Yong Ha, or something. But the way he had reacted to Yong Ha's scar told her everything. She had been right. He did indeed love Yong Ha. When he reached out his hand to touch Yong Ha she had discretely removed herself. Jae Shin would not hurt Yong Ha, ever again. Her task was done. She smiled to herself as she left the two men standing there, embracing. Yes, love has nothing to do with fate, or the path you should take. Just follow the warmth of your heart, and fate will follow. As she came out on the porch the sun was rising, colouring everything in a warm orange glow. Letting the rays linger on her face, she chuckled. She would have even more work to do now, with two men and a baby in her household. Yet she couldn't stop chuckling. She was going to enjoy this. And the woman named â&#x20AC;&#x153;Love Eternalâ&#x20AC;? went in and closed the door to a house where not fate, but heart, ruled.

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Chapter 1 Takes place about one year before “Sungkyunkwan Scandal series” start

“Oh, you don't mean nothing at all to me”

Deep in his heart Gu Yong Ha had a secret.. True to his nickname “Girl Forest”, Yeorim´s outward appearance was that of a dandy ladies man who could always be found surrounded by gisaeng and wine. He appeared to gloss over surfaces rather than walk just as he glossed over involvement with anyone or any cause since it would ultimately take all the fun out of it. And be too risky. He didn’t like to participate in sports since he had to make an effort and winning and loosing was just politics in the end anyway. He loved beautiful women, beautiful men and beautiful clothes. The fact that he was absolutely stunningly handsome with his graceful face, pouty lips and charcoal black eyes didn't hurt his fame either. He spent most of his days choosing what to wear, plotting entertaining misunderstandings or drinking with gisaeng and his friends. All of this he did with his everlasting smile. Though if you would bother to look deeper into that smile you might notice that it never reached his dark eyes. For Yong Ha had a secret.

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Buried deep in the soil of his heart, a secret so grave that no matter how he smiled and laughed it ended at his lips. Because Gu Yong Ha was deeply, utterly and unforgivably in love. In love with his best friend of ten years – Moon Jae Shin, nicknamed Goel Oh. A man... The only times the smile would reach his eyes, transforming his mocking face to such a gentle one, was when he was smiling with Jae Shin... Goel Oh, Crazy Horse, was also true to his nickname. Looking more like a mountain bandit than a scholar, with his unkempt hair, piercing coffee brown eyes and preference for black clothing in disarray, acting like a brute and fiercely hiding his sensitive heart. Jae Shin was the fear of the campus as he did most of his discussing with his fists and even though he was a brilliant scholar he had already repeated the same courses two times because of his penchant lifestyle of refusing to follow rules, leading to him loosing more points per year than he was gaining them. Yong Ha knew no other person who was as kind and honest as Jae Shin. He also knew how he suffered after his brother died. As much as Yong Ha had wanted to comfort him he was not one who receives comfort easily. And so Yong Ha had watched him all these years, and the more he watched the more fearful he grew, as Jae Shin became the “Red Messenger” and the hole in his heart grew for each day. Yong Ha silently noted how Jae Shin was trying to fill that hole by relentlessly and continuously risking his life. Punishing his body, trying to make it feel something. It was no secret to Yong Ha that Jae Shin spent most of his nights flirting with danger by spreading propaganda against the political factions as the masked “Red Messenger”, or trying to cover up the fact that he was indeed doing such things by brawling, drinking and playing cards until late hours. The fact that Yong Ha knew this was unknown to Jae Shin and he preferred to keep it like that. It gave him a freedom to inconspicuously help Jae Shin or cover for him, something he had done more than a few times in the years they had been together. Because only for Jae Shin would he throw his mind and body to the gutter and take the beating. To protect. Only Jae Shin would make him take the risk of engaging in real battle and leave the safety of vocal diplomacy to the winds..

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While Yong Ha was a complex odyssey of feelings, Jae Shin himself mostly felt only two things: anger at the unjust world and indignation at his own helplessness. He was mad at the world, at his father and at himself. And he missed his brother. He needed the “Red Messenger” to have a way out of his pain and frustration. To live. Sometimes though, he admitted to himself that he could feel something else, other than the two most obvious ones. He felt affection. He felt a strong affection for Yong Ha. His best friend and shadow, who had always stood on his side and who were always there when he needed him. He knew everyone thought their friendship was the most obscurely concocted liaison two beings could ever endure but Yong Ha fit him perfectly. Yong Ha was everything he was not. He knew when to shut up and when to talk, what to say and when to say it and most of all he fundamentally understood Jae Shin. Even if he didn’t approve of Jae Shin's propensity of getting into trouble he never scolded him or argued but just helped him out of the same trouble and made him feel better by just being there. His Yong Ha, who possessed an uncanny ability to see everything and who was much deeper than his flighty ways gave him credit for. Yes, Yong Ha was most definitely the most important person in Jae Shin's life. After his dead brother, that was.

Yong Ha had loved Jae Shin for as long as he had known him and he knew that he would continue to do so for the rest of his life, without fail. Being a man of sparkling intellect and razor sharp deduction nothing was ever truly hidden from him. Not even his own feelings.

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Therefore he was also a man true to himself and his emotions. He had know the very first time he laid eyes on Jae Shin that he would mean so much more to him in the future than even his own life. His beating heart and quicksilver mind had told him so, many years ago. Unfortunately it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always just fun to be so aware of all that was happening. Especially if it involves yourself and the person you love. Yong Ha knew that in this time and place in history his innocent feelings could become a death sentence to Jae Shin, even if they were one-sided. Not even once fooling himself that Jae Shin shared his feelings he had therefore invented himself as the perpetual court jester. He was entertaining and charming. People loved him. He dared speak his mind, but in an eloquent way, and quietly noted all that happened around him to the slightest detail, since none took him seriously enough to keep on guard around him. It gave him a perfect cover to not let people know his real preferences. Hap-hazardously it also gave him many opportunities and alibis to help Jae Shin, away from prying eyes. But even though he was an honest man, the need to hide his emotions from people and even Jae Shin, Yong Ha had learned the hard way some years ago when they both had just entered the University at a tender age. When he was younger Yong Ha had been a bright, open boy who would never lie and he had openly shown how much he liked Jae Shin, and they had been inseparable. Best Friends. It would never have occurred to Yong Ha that what he felt for Jae Shin was wrong, instead he firmly believed that love can never be wrong. Of course that was until that one time, that fateful time that had changed everything.

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Recollection “and all of what I feel I could show you tonight ”

They had frequented one of the student parties outside the campus and the wine was flowing, a little too much as both men were unused to drinking. As they had unsteadily and merrily made their way to the dorms and their room Jae Shin requested to sit down on the porch for a while to sober up. Truthfully he didn’t have the confidence to enter their room in his intoxicated state and accidentally break any of Yong Ha's nice furnitures since he would raise hell. Yong Ha was very particular with his environment and Jae Shin trembled at the last time he had unintentionally broken a particularly ornamented table in his fury over something. He could still remember the look in Yong Ha's eyes when he had seen what had happened to his venerated tea table. Again Jae Shin trembled – indeed Yong Ha would be a dangerous man to have as a nemesis. First Yong Ha had given him a look full of distaste and quoted the “Great Learning” on that “Great men knew when to stop and thus there would be peace in the lands”. Ouch, that had hurt since Jae Shin particularly strived to be a great man in his own sense and because that part had been his brothers favourite. Yes, Yong Ha had a way with words. Then Yong Ha had forced him to eat sixteen portions of raw squid until Jae Shin was green of disgust. Still today he could not even look at a squid and not feel nauseous. The thought of squid sent a round of goosebumps down his legs until all the little hair stood up, and he shook his head trying to make the idea fly away. Absolutely lethal, his Yong Ha was. Yong Ha on the other hand was delighted. He had had a brilliant evening since Jae Shin had preferred his company the entire evening and, under the influence of too much wine been completely unguarded in his thoughts and actions allowing Yong Ha more closeness than ever.

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As Jae Shin closed his eyes and leaned on the pillar behind him, Yong Ha's absolutely worshipped the amazing man before him. Jae Shin was completely dressed in black and his wavy hair was going in a wild halo around his squarely cut face. The way he was lodged on the porch against the pillar made him look like a big panther momentarily forgetting to keep his attention to a maximum. Yong Ha was both proud and honoured that Jae Shin behaved like this with him, he would never let down his guard with other people. Yong Ha inched closer until he was almost touching his leg. Boundaries lost to the wine added a feeling of boldness to Yong Ha and feeling closer than ever to his best friend he had thrown all propriety to the winds, asking him straight out what he thought of Yong Ha. - “Do you like being with me Jae Shin? Do you like me?” Yong Ha had suddenly blurted out, not able to contain himself anymore, emotions overflowing. - “What's with the strange questions suddenly? You´re drunk?" Jae Shin had teased him with his husky vibrating voice. - “If I didn't I wouldn't be here....” - “No, that's not what I meant, I mean....what I want to say is....I really like you Jae Shin. I like you so much, I lo... “ Yong Ha's voice trembled as he tried to tell Jae Shin how much he really meant to him. - ”Jae Shin, you are so important to me, I love you so much...Do you... love me like that?” Yong Ha's eyes searched Jae Shin's face for clues that he had understood the meaning of what he was telling him. - “Sure I do!” Jae Shin had replied confidently, not really understanding where all of this was going. - “I guess you could say it like that...” - “No! I mean...” his best friend

Yong Ha was getting frustrated. He cursed the slowness of

- “I mean love! Love like holding and kissing and....Like this...”

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And Yong Ha, for once wordless to express what he felt, had firmly grabbed the unsuspecting Jae Shin, put his arms around his neck and planted his lips right on top of Jae Shin's. Jae Shin, too surprised and dazed to do anything, had frozen in place with his mind completely blank, with his best friends lips on top of where the next sentence would have come out if he had had a chance to formulate one. Yong Ha was in heaven, his most fervent wish had come true. For months he had been obsessing about kissing Jae Shin, burning with the desire to touch and as he hazily noted in the back of his head that Jae Shin was not pulling away he leaned in deeper and let the tip of his tongue lightly touch Jae Shin's. Jae Shin's mouth was hot and moist with a lingering aftertaste of the wine he had drunk earlier and the musky savour that was Jae Shin's own. It was enough to intoxicate Yong Ha to the point of insanity, he couldn't get enough of this bittersweet kiss. Lightly tipping his head to the side he had full access to Jae Shin's voluptuous mouth and as his lips slowly caressed Jae Shin's he pressed himself closer to enjoy the radiating heat of Jae Shin's body. At first Jae Shin was so shocked that he couldn't move at all especially not since he was caught with the pillar in his back. His mind was grasping for thoughts but they became void as the cool lips of Yong Ha was hitting him like a thunderbolt, lighting a raging forest fire within him. Jae Shin grabbed hold of Yong Ha's collar to force him away but when hen he felt the tip of Yong Ha's tongue entering his mouth the hands that had started pushing reversed their action pulling him closer. He opened the mouth slightly to protest but Yong Ha only took this opportunity to deepen the kiss even more, letting his hand smooth over Jae Shin's collarbone. Jae Shin couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop a shudder of pleasure as Yong Ha's tongue slowly caressed his mouth wile his hand were trailing goosebumps on his throat. Jae Shin had never felt anything like this...He was burning. Every nerve end in his entire body were ignited and he could feel his heart thumping so loudly that it should have been heard audibly. Letting out a lustful moan he astonished himself as his instinct took over and started to kiss Yong Ha back. After all he was more a man of action than thought and right now his reptile brain was emperor.

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He had never kissed before but letting Yong Ha lead him he was soon drinking in the taste of Yong Ha as if he had never done anything else. He would never forget the unique taste of Yong Ha, it was as cool and refreshing as a drinking from a roaring waterfall in the early autumn after running for hours and he found himself thirsting for more and more. Yong Ha was melting, Jae Shin was kissing him back like a beast in heat and his throaty moan sent Yong Ha's brilliant mind into overdrive. He could not think, he could not reflect. All he could do was kiss Jae Shin as if there was never to be a tomorrow... ...and, thinking back now, there would be none either...Yong Ha sadly noted to himself... As Jae Shin's feverish hands sought their way underneath the top of Yong Ha, wanting more, his trained mind suddenly registered a sound, as if someone walking on gravel. The sound brought him back to reality and it came crashing down, the precariousness of the situation, the closeness of Yong Ha and the surprise of his own reaction. He violently pushed away from Yong Ha and turned around towards the sound. Unfortunately Jae Shin's strong push sent the completely unprepared Yong Ha backwards, of the porch, and without a chance to stabilize himself he fell so badly that the step stone found his way right above his brow making him see stars for several minutes. Yong Ha had not heard the guard at all and brutally removed from the most voluptuous experience of his life, slightly dizzy from the fall he looked up at Jae Shin just as the blood started trickling down the side of his face. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why? Why did you pu...â&#x20AC;? He started saying but the look in Jae Shin's horrified face silenced him. Jae Shin stared horrified at the result of his violent withdrawal, Yong Ha was sitting on the ground with blood trickling down his brow and his deep, dark eyes full of confusion, but just as Jae Shin was about to rush forward to help Yong Ha a campus guard on duty came around the corner. The guard, only seeing the result of the situation, immediately assumed the two men had been fighting and that Yong Ha obviously was on the loosing side. The mortified guilty look of Jae Shin didn't really do anything to help clarify the situation either.

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As the guard rushed forward with a yell to help Yong Ha, who was clearly hurt, he completely covered Jae Shin. Because of this Yong Ha never got to see Jae Shin's eyes filled with worry and a newly budding understanding of what had happened between them. All Yong Ha knew was that he had kissed Jae Shin and that he, as any normal man in this century and place would or should do, had reacted in disgust leaving the end result as it was. It was enough. Defeated he let the guard drag him to the infirmary leaving Jae Shin standing there looking after them with mixed feelings of confusion and worry with his hand stretched out after them.

Since everyone assumed they had been fighting, Jae Shin was confined to his room while Yong Ha spent some days recuperating in the infirmary leaving them unable to meet. This was making Jae Shin crawl out of his skin, he had never been a patient man and this situation was gnawing at him. He was confused and restless. He felt a dire need to meet Yong Ha and talk to him to sort this out. He replayed the night in his mind. Had Yong Ha really kissed him? Had he kissed Yong Ha back? The very recollection of Yong Ha's lips slowly moving on his made him feel weak in the knees and his heart started beating like crazy. He could almost feel Yong Ha's cool hand caressing his neck again and the sheer remembrance was enough to send a rivet of goosebumps down his arms. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hic!â&#x20AC;? Why? Does this mean he loves me? What does it mean... Did I really react like that? He kept pacing back and forward in the small room as he thought out loud. I definitely kissed him back!

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And it felt so incredibly good, a small voice added in the back of his head, making Jae Shin freeze in place. Does this mean I love him? Love... He knew that Yong Ha meant a lot to him, more that what he sometimes would like to have admitted, but love? He didn’t know love. Was this how love felt? - “Aaaargh!” Putting a vocal exclamation to his frustration he knew he had to do something or he would trash the entire furnishings of their room. He needed to talk to Yong Ha, there was nothing more important now! As he had decided he ripped the sliding doors open to briskly walk over to the infirmary when he realised that the object of all his discomfort was standing right in front of him. Below the porch, with the back towards him.

Yong Ha had wallowed in his pain for several days, both from the vicious cut on his forehead and the one in his heart, and he had finally come to a decision on what to do. He felt that Jae Shin had given an answer to his impertinent question by his reaction that evening. He must have been so disgusted and shocked at my behaviour. Yong Ha felt another viscous stab in his heart. No matter how much Yong Ha himself hurt he refused to loose Jae Shin. At least as a friend I can stay by his side. Forever... Friend... The word felt parchment dry and isolated. But the thought of never being with Jae Shin again made it feel like an oasis. He was certain that this was the only way and with a grim resolve of that he was about to loose Jae Shin if he didn't pull this off he ignored another violent stab in his heart. With his hand pressed over the hurt he ventured out to lie horrendously to his best friend and most beloved.

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Jae Shin's heart beat furiously. Yong Ha was standing right in front of him and it was like electricity was travelling on top of his skin and passing through his body igniting all parts. In that instant he knew that no matter what would happen in the future Yong Ha meant a lot to Jae Shin, he could not say if it was love but it didn't matter right now, he needed Yong Ha and at least he would be able to apologize and clear this. Everything else could follow later. Breathlessly Jae Shin took a step forward calling out his name, his lips forming a smile. - “Yong Ha!” At the sound of his name Yong Ha slowly turned around. - “Jae Shin! You bad boy! Why haven't you come an visited me? And here I have been waiting so long that I thought I would come and visit you myself...” Yong Ha had put on a huge grin and a pretended air of nonchalance to cover his pain, but at the sight of Jae Shin's brilliant smile he almost wavered. How I love him, he sadly thought. Jae Shin's smile dropped as he examined Yong Ha's face for clues. His best friend was white as a sheet, sporting a huge bandage over his right eye and there was the faintest hint of blue underneath his eyes. Yong Ha looked very young and fragile and Jae Shin could even see the edges of the bruise underneath the bandage. It looked painful, and a strong sense of shame struck him as he realised his own roll in causing it. - “How is...the he..head? “ Jae Shin stumbled on the words remembering the situation that had caused it. - “Oh, fine, fine...not really serious at all...” Yong Ha continued with played easiness, but in the inside he cringed at the look in Jae Shin's eyes. He could read shame and embarrassment and took for granted that it was because Jae Shin was recalling what had passed between them.. Jae Shin took a step closer and brought his hand up to the bandage as he spoke.

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- “Does.. does it hurt much? “ Yong Ha elegantly dodged the hand. If Jae Shin would touch him now Yong Ha would break down crying, admitting everything. - “No, not really...” Well, at least not in comparison to my heart, Yong Ha thought and grimly bit together his teeth before continuing. - “Well, I suppose its not more than I deserve..for playing such a prank on you...” He could not look Jae Shin in the eye for fear of being discovered. He had thought hard about how to explain it all and this was the best explanation he had come up with that fit his profile. The most believable one. The saddest one. Would Jae Shin believe his lie? Jae Shin took a step back at this sudden confession. - “Prank? Whatever do you mean? Wha...” He could not finish the sentence, if it was true it was too cruel..It couldn't be true. Yong Ha was lying, he was sure...he would never do that, especially not to Jae Shin. Especially not to Jae Shin. - “Don't lie, I know...” Jae Shin continued but was interrupted by Yong Ha who, collecting the last of his strength, looked Jae Shin straight in the eye and told the largest lie of his life. - ”It was a prank. I mean..the kiss...I was just playing with you. I made a bet with the maids that I would steal your first kiss and... What I mean is that, you see....they, the maids I mean, they have been gossiping about you, telling me how handsome you were and...” Yong Ha blabbered on, deathly afraid that Jae Shin would NOT believe him and and the same time afraid he really would believe him. He continued - “So I got jealous, I mean I am suppose to be the ladies man and here they were talking non-stop about you. So I made a bet...and I won...” Yong Ha finished his incredulous construct and not even once did he look away. If it had been any other situation the absolute willpower of himself would have made him proud but now it only made him feel wretched.

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He could feel cold sweat running down his neck and his knees felt all weak but he knew that the instant he would break eye contact Jae Shin would not believe him, and then he would never see him again. So he was holding on for all he was worth. Jae Shin was speechless. His best friend was standing in front of him telling him the most peculiar thing. He didn't want to believe this was true, the Yong Ha he knew would never do such things, so at first he could not understand why Yong Ha was so obviously lying but as Yong Ha's gaze insisted he started to think that maybe this was all true. Yong Ha had never lied to him before and he also knew that Yong Ha had an habit of looking away when he withheld things from him. So the conclusion could only be that all this was really true... Bet...first kiss... His initial confusion and surprise was slowly evolving into a searing anger and when he finally talked there was an unmistakable harshness in his voice. - “So you mean to say that this was all a game to you?” That was the moment Yong Ha's heart died. Jae Shin had believed his lies. Yong Ha was so ashamed and he knew how betrayed Jae Shin would feel. He watched as Jae Shin's eyes went from shame and embarrassment to anger, and he knew that once Jae Shin got angry there was no stopping him, just like a wild horse. - “Eh, yes, I mean...sort of....but I will never ever do it again, I swear...plea...” Jae Shin's fist connected by a dull thump with Yong Ha's face sending him to the ground. The numbness of his lips and the taste of blood in his mouth sealed the lie. Jae Shin had never laid a hand on him before so this was the ultimate proof he had sought, for Jae Shin believing his lie - “I am sorry. I am sorry, Jae Shin. I promise you it will never happen again, please...” continuing the sentence that had been so brutally shortened, Yong Ha didn't look up but stared obstinately at the blood drops that had fallen into the dust and were slowly soaking up. Jae Shin didn't know what to reply, he was furious about being played. He still could not believe Yong Ha had made a bet out of him, and of such a thing also. He looked down on his still clenched fist and saw that some of Yong Ha's blood had stained it. It throbbed and with his usual habit he brought the hand

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up and inadvertently licked it. As the blood spread in his mouth he recalled the taste of Yong Ha's kiss and he felt himself turn red in embarrassment of his own passionate reply. What bothered him most was that he didn't know if he was more mad about the kiss being a bet or the idea that it could have been real. Should he not be madder if the kiss was real? If it was a joke it just mean that they were friends and that Yong Ha had just played a joke on him, really no harm done. But if the kiss had been real, what would he have done? What if Yong Ha had confessed that the kiss did mean something, what then? Had it meant something for himself? Was that why he was so angry? The bell of truth was banging so hard in his head that he could not ignore it. It did mean something. It had meant a lot, and that was the reason he was so mad... The realisation removed all sense of anger he had held in his heart, replacing it with a dull ache, and not really knowing what to say he said the first thing that came up - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatever...I guess I owe you for making you bleed twice... So lets say that we are even now...â&#x20AC;? And with burning cheeks, not looking back, he walked away. He felt an alarming need to be alone with this new emotion he had just discovered and he absolutely did not want Yong Ha to know of this, ever. If Jae Shin had looked back at Yong Ha's face at that moment, the following years of misunderstanding would probably never come to pass. For none who would have seen the expression in his face and the defeat in his eyes would have believed for a second that Gu Yong Ha had told the truth. His face had turned even whiter than before and with the blood on his lip and the eyes slowly filling to the brim with tears he looked the epitaph of a man that had just lost everything. Yong Ha was defeated, his heart turned to ash. There was nothing left for him.

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No comfort. And he was all alone. He felt like a betrayed Captain on the battle field. The General had sacrificed all his soldiers and thus lost the battle but the sacrifice had won the war. Yes, he had lost the battle but he HAD won the war! The pain in Yong Ha's eyes was being replaced by harsh determination and a grim smiled formed on his bleeding lips. His reward for all his dead soldiers was that he would be allowed to stay by Jae Shin's side, and that he planned to do for as long as he would let him. Forever, if need be.

A few months later it was as nothing had ever happened, at least outwards. Yong Ha was now sporting a fading scar in his forehead and an everlasting smile on his lips that, from that day onwards, never quite seemed to reach his eyes anymore. Jae Shin had acquired the nicknamed Goel Oh or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Crazy Horseâ&#x20AC;?, specifically due to this episode since everyone thought he had gone crazy attacking Yong Ha, his best friend. For yes, the entire campus knew they had had a fight but none really knew why. There were speculations about women or gambling but most people just attributed it to Jae Shin's fiery temper and the entire episode was soon forgotten for other more fleshy gossips. Forgotten by all except the two victims. Yet they were still inseparable. They laughed together, they drunk together and they studied together. And they never, ever mentioned the kiss again. But if you would have looked closer you would sometimes see Yong Ha's gaze linger a little bit too long on Jae Shin's mouth whenever he didn't know. And Jae Shin's eyes would sometimes brush along the scar on Yong Ha's forehead.

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At these times they would display matching sad smiles at the recollection, but both made a sport out of never mentioning it again, ever.

- “Goel Oh, Goel Oh!!” Yong Ha threw himself on Jae Shin, to Jae Shin's dismay. He was tired and annoyed, since last night hadn't gone according to his plan. Instead of chasing some hard earned fear into corrupt politicians by sending one or two arrows their way with a clever message, he had found himself being chased over the rooftops like a goose in flight, by the relentless Royal Guards. Looks like they were starting to take him seriously. He had to start thinking of a new strategy. He grumbled. Strategies where not his forte but he couldn’t tell Yong Ha about the “Red Messenger” or he would never hear the end of it. - “Goel Oh!” Yong Ha's fervent calling made him snap out of his reverie. He didn't really appreciate Yong Ha's overuse of his famous nickname. It seemed as if, ever since the incident with the kiss, Yong Ha never called him by his real name but preferred to use his nickname instead. It didn't please Jae Shin at all, he missed the way Yong Ha's velvet voice would teasingly call his name in such a way that you would almost imagine him lying seductively in silk sheets calling out for his lover to hurry back, but he would rather have been stripped naked and thrown in a pond of piss before admitting it. - “Go away...” He answered gruffly to Yong Ha's energetic attempt. - “Hic!” - “Ooh, Goel Oh, did you play too much last night? Women?” Yong Ha tantalized him with a smile, since he knew full well what Jae Shin had been doing the entire night. After all, he had been doing almost the same

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thing himself and it had taken quite the effort to make the guards loose Jae Shin's tracks. It was really getting harder and harder he noted to himself. This specific night Yong Ha had taken the use of his friends and teasingly promising them beautiful women the unruly party leaving for the Moran-Gak had “accidentally” covered Jae Shin's hiding place and impeded the pursuers in the raucous crowd. Yes, he knew exactly Jae Shin's patterns, he should know. After all, he was Gu Yong Ha and he lived only for one person. Jae Shin's reply was to promptly remove Yong Ha's arms around his shoulder and stomp off. - “Ah, Goel Oh, don't be like that...and here I thought you would be the one most happy over this archery contest! You are, after all, the schools best archer.” This did strike a cord in Jae Shin, he had forgotten the contest while pondering over other matters. Yes, he loved archery and yes, he was good. This would be fun... He turned around and started marching up to the shooting field, very pleased with himself at the thought of using his bow for something else than scaring politicians. - “I knew it, you are going to the field aren't you...Then I will go with you! I just love watching you shoot.” Yong Ha went all giddy at the thought of watching Jae Shin shoot his bow. He really was that good - with a sharply defined form and a concentration and force that was outstanding. Yong Ha loved watching as it was one of the few times he could openly admire the beautiful figure of his friend. - “But before you go there, we have to go to class first.” Yong Ha soberly added. This was the last chance Jae Shin had to finish his studies and Yong Ha would not let him do otherwise. Protecting Jae Shin was not only against guards but also against himself, he amusedly thought. Although Jae Shin was itching to shoot he knew the reason in Yong Ha's comment so he let himself be dragged into class without even grumbling about it once.

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The lesson of “The Doctrine of the Mean” was just as dustily tedious as the name implied especially if you, as both Jae Shin and Yong Ha, had mastered the volume long ago. So they spent the entire class thinking of other, more pleasant things instead of the classic teachings. Jae Shin was sitting furthest to the wall in the classroom since he found this most comfortable. He didn't like to sit with his side to the large opening on the other side of the classroom. It made him feel exposed and unprotected. An occupational hazard, he assumed. Another reason he loved to sit in this spot was that it gave him free access to watch Yong Ha who was sitting in front of him to the side, right in the opening. Jae Shin thought it was the most alluring thing he had ever seen. The sunlight falling on Yong Ha's face gave it a luminescent glow and when he looked down Jae Shin could see the shadow of his eyelashes on his cheeks. It never failed to amaze him how handsome Yong Ha really was. Usually he was prancing around like a proud stallion with is eternal mischievous smile and the movement added an attractiveness that most people appreciated but Jae Shin thought that a concentrated Yong Ha was the most alluring thing on Earth. It was as if every line in his face had been smoothed over, his jawline cut from steel and his moist lips had a softness that made him utterly irresistible. He could have been a jade sculpture. Incomparably irreplaceable. Precious beyond belief. - “Hic!” Darn it, I have to get these hiccups under control! He thought as he was suppressing yet another one. He didn’t know when it had started but suddenly he could find himself hiccuping for no good reason, usually around Yong Ha, he noted annoyingly. Then his gaze shifted to Yong Ha's forehead and the small bleached line that could barely be seen unless you looked for it. The small smile he had had without knowing failed and was replaced by a scorn. Yes, Yong Ha was a priceless vase, beautiful and hollow, he cruelly thought reminiscing the bet Yong Had made of his kiss.

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It annoyed Jae Shin that Yong Ha was so shallow. Had he always been like that? It was so strange, Jae Shin thought. When they were younger Jae Shin had confided everything in Yong Ha and Yong Ha had done the same with him. Where had they lost it? Nowadays he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if Yong Ha was ever serious about anything and he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t dare confide in him anymore. He was afraid to be ridiculed or worse, exposed to Ha In Soo and his lackeys that Yong Ha seemed to favour at this moment. Just once he would have wanted Yong Ha to look him in the eye and be serious. He wanted it desperately. Yong Ha was such an unknown factor to Jae Shin that he was always lingering in his mind. It was starting to seriously bother him. Throwing another glance at the object of his annoyance he lost the last thought he had in fascination of Yong Ha. At this very moment, Yong Ha seemed to be very concentrated as his dark eyes focused on the paper in front of him. He was writing. Jae Shin could see his elegant hand move with practised ease and he relished the moment. Watching Yong Ha was a great pleasure since everything he did he did with a grace that outshone many men and women. His willowy, long fingers held the brush without almost any pressure and as the hand moved over the paper forming the words Jae Shin found himself holding his breath as if his very breathing could disrupt the black ink being soaked into the paper. As Yong Ha continued writing he lightly bit his lip in concentration, causing, to Jae Shin's embarrassment , a flash of desire to course through his abdomen and he uncomfortably changed sitting positions. Yes, many things about Yong Ha annoyed Jae Shin. Ever since the kiss Jae Shin had started noticing Yong Ha's lips. He had troubles to not stare at them when Yong Ha was talking or biting them or putting his fingers to them. In fact he had started noticing everything about Yong Ha. How the fluid garment danced around his legs as he walked, how the corner of his mouth went up when he was about to tell him a certain piece of interesting gossip, how he slightly tilted his head to the side whenever he was worried about Jae Shin and the way he smelled as he threw his arms

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around Jae Shin. Jae Shin breathed in and closed his eyes, Yong Ha's scent made him think of fresh bamboo shots or dewy grass at sunrise, crisp, cool and refreshing. Utterly mouthwatering. Ahh, he could almost smell it all the way to his seat... He opened his eyes and with an ironic smile on his lips realising he was daydreaming about his best friend he threw another glance at Yong Ha. Now the tip of Yong Ha's tongue darted out to lick where he had bitten and Jae Shin mind went wild as he was recalling another time he had seen that... - “Hic!”

Recollection “I can't say that I don't know that I am alive ”

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Jae Shin was constantly thinking about Yong Ha. Sitting in the class room, reading, talking, going to the market, sleeping, laughing or drinking, every little ordinary thing or extraordinary, Yong Ha was always there in his mind, if not by his side. It was mightily disturbing and Jae Shin could not figure out why it was so. When Yong Ha was not there, Jae Shin could concentrate on nothing yet when he was there, right in front of him, he felt prickly and agitated. Jae Shin, used to single emotions at a time acting on them straight away, could not start to comprehend the abyss of feelings Yong Ha created in him. He wanted to hit him and then he wanted to touch him. He wanted to look at him and then he couldn't look any more. He wanted to hear his voice, yet when Yong ha spoke Jae Shin felt as if his voice was resonating inside him, causing mild seasickness. He couldn't eat properly, he couldn't think properly and he couldn't relax for a second. Even now Yong Ha was on his mind. He was really looking forward to throwing himself in the water to get rid of the days sweat and grime and to make the cool water clear his head but as he burst through the rim of the forest he stopped short in his tracks. At the edge of the lake he could see a bundle of clothing and in the water a head was sticking out. Someone was already occupying his favourite spot. Annoyed Jae Shin stepped out to claim ownership of the small lake knowing full well that most people would run at the sight of him. But he froze in a step and his jaw dropped as the person in the lake stood up.

Ethereal... The first word that sprang to Jae Shin's mind. The intruder was standing with his back to Jae Shin and water reaching just to the hip exposing just a hint of his firm buttocks. His body was unmistakeably male, perfectly proportioned with wide shoulders and narrow hips, lithe and sinewy in a very graceful way. As he moved his hands up to his face Jae Shin could see the muscles play underneath the wet skin. And what a skin, milky white and flawless, absolutely mouthwatering.

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The person was taking handfuls of water pouring it over his shoulders and neck and Jae Shin's was mesmerized as he followed the movement. He noted every little detail. The indents of his ribs, the muscular arms, the liquid motion of his hands as they were dancing over the body. As much as Jae Shin could see it was undoubtedly a man he had never before seen anything so beautiful. The hair was jet black, perfectly straight and falling all the way down below the waist, the tips just dipping into the water. The mist from the waterfall was spreading in clouds over the surface of the lake all the way to the figure, lending it a magical property. And as the sun was setting the last rays were lingering right on the spot where the ethereal creature was standing. It was if his entire being was lighted from within and the sun made every little drop of water reflect the golden light until Jae Shin was almost blinded. When the heavenly being brought his hands up to pull the hair from the back over the shoulder exposing his naked back Jae Shin's breath got caught in his lungs. The rainbow shimmer on his damp skin made it appear as if he had folded out his wings to take flight. Who was this celestial creature? He had to find out! Jae Shin leaned forward just a little bit more to try and catch a glimpse of the creatures face and as he did a twig underneath his foot gave way with a classic crack that echoed over the lake. Jae Shin froze like a deer and the creature in the lake, startled by the sound, turned around in the direction of the sound, giving Jae Shin a full frontal view of the naked intruder as well as the chock of a lifetime as he found himself unbelievingly staring into the charcoal black eyes of none other than his best friend of ten years .... Gu Yong Ha. - “Hic! Hic! Hic!” At the recognition of Yong Ha, Jae Shin couldn’t stop the torrent of hiccups and as he tried to smother them with his hand he let the image of the naked Yong Ha burn into his retina. Never had he seen anything so desirable. Yong Ha was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Supple yet lithe as a willow. Slender but strong as bamboo. Jae Shin's hands twitched with the desire to touch.

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Small water drops had collected on his skin and face and his luscious lips were slightly parted. Jae Shin was breathing irregularly and stopped breathing completely as Yong Ha's tongue darted out to lick a water drop from his lips. Yong Ha made no sign that he had seen Jae Shin as he was hidden in the shadows but started to move out of the water towards the bundle. Jae Shin could not make his eyes look away. As Yong Ha moved closer to the beach he was revealing more and more of his lovely body and Jae Shin found himself swallowing hard at the sensation that his mouth had gone all dry. But still he could not make himself look away. - “Magnificent...” The sound of his own voice brought Jae Shin back to the real world. Had he really spoken out loud? Suddenly he felt ashamed. Was Jae Shin, the fear of the campus, really standing in a forest ogling his naked best friend as he took a bath? He started inching away backwards, careful not to make a sound only to turn and run for several minutes to get as far away as possible from the scene. He didn't stop until he could hardly breath anymore. What the hell am I doing? He thought, as he was wiping his sweaty hands on his sides trying to stable his breathing, but replaying the scene in his mind only made his heart beat like crazy again. He had never felt so alive as in this moment... What am I doing? - “Hic!”

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Yes, what am I doing? He silently replayed in his head and he looked away from Yong Ha's lips to his book, trying to shake of the image of Yong Ha taking a bath. He felt very hot and bothered and he could not wait for the class to end so he could get some well deserved physical practice to chase away his demons, or demon, in this case. Just as he thought that ,Yong Ha looked over to him and flashed him a smile and a wink, making Jae Shin immediately look away, feeling even more miserable. I must have serious problems, he thought. Finally class ended and Jae Shin breathed out. Now for some fun, he felt lighter already at the thought of drawing his bow. Finally, Yong Ha thought. He had been going out of his mind. He had been so bored that he could not stop himself from writing poetry, an extracurricular activity that few people knew he was doing – including Jae Shin. He never showed them to other people since he felt that all his poems were so personal that if anyone read them he would have been discovered long ago as the fraud he was. While some of them were clever remarks of the current political positions most of them were an outlet for his forbidden love for a man. His love for Jae Shin. The poem he had written this time was about watching Jae Shin holding a bow. He was particularly pleased about how it had come out but as always when Jae Shin was close he felt that his emotions were at their peak. He started folding up the paper with his poem but he didn't see Jae Shin sneak up behind and before he knew it Jae Shin had snatched it from his hands and was reading it out loud. “Watching his powerful stance seeing him draw the bow Oh, how I wish his arrow would strike my heart that is as tightly wound as his string”

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Jae Shin had just wanted to see what Yong Ha had written during the lesson with such concentration, but as he on joke had started reading with a hint if teasing he finished the poem with a sober, clear voice. The poem was outstanding. Sensitive and profound it struck him to the core and he felt a swelling in his heart. He was just about to compliment Yong Ha when the poem was ripped out of his hands so harshly that pieces of paper flew all over. He threw his glance at Yong Ha and recoiled at the anguish he saw. His friends eyes had gone even darker than before and as he was crumpling up the paper he only said - “YOU cannot read that...” Jae Shin was dumbfounded. The poem was brilliant, why couldn't he read it? But at the sight of his friends face he let the subject go as he could see that there was no discussing this. He knew already how stubborn his friend could be so he only replied - “Shame, its a wonderful poem...” Yong Ha, that had gone ice cold of fear when the poem was snatched from his hands, was embarrassed out of his mind. Jae Shin had managed to read his secret poem and he felt as if he had just handed his heart over for all to see. But he secretly noted that Jae Shin had loved it. Thank Heavens that his friend was just to blockheaded to understand who the poem was describing or Yong Ha would probably lie flat on the ground from another fist in his face, he coldly thought while crumpling up the paper to a ball securing it in his pocket. Never again can this happen. He would be more careful in the future. Then carefully rearranging his face into a covering smile, he exclaimed - “Lets go shoot some arrows!” Yong Ha insisted, maybe Jae Shin would forget the poem if he changed the subject. - “Yes!!” There was no masking the joy in Jae Shin's eyes and this made Yong Ha smile with fondness. His beloved was really too adorable. He was so easy to please, just put a bow and arrow in his hand and he turned all puppy on you. So he

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casually threw his arm over Jae Shin's shoulder happily discussing the new changes that had recently been made to the shooting ground, while they sauntered on. Anyone who saw them on the Campus would never in their most sublime imagination have imagined the raging storm of emotions that the combination of these two people made. As they say, under the surface of the calmest sea rages a storm...

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Chapter 2 Takes part some time after Yon Hee is discovered taking a bath by Jae Shin “Oh you could mean everything to me”

And so they would probably have continued forever if it had not been for the arrival of Kim Yoon Shik.

Kim. Yoon. Shik. The daring girl in disguise that Yong Ha had seen through the very first time they met in the bookshop. After all he was THE Gu Yong Ha. Suddenly the carefully weighted scales of Yong Ha's unmoving relationship with Jae Shin were tipping over as he fearfully watched as his, HIS, Jae Shin slowly but irreproachable was falling in love. Putting armour around his heart, knowing that one day this would happen, it was still too cruel seeing it happen right in front of him. Watching how this small girl was becoming the entire world for Jae Shin was hurting Yong Ha so much that sometimes he had problems keeping up his façade. Watching Jae Shin's unguarded smile and glittering eyes was making Yong Ha crumble in the edges. He hated her and yet he couldn’t hate her. It was no ones fault what the heart chose and Kim Yoon Shik was worthy of Jae Shin, Yong Ha admitted. He could even take joy in the fact that Jae Shin was starting to show some semblance of life by his interaction with Kim Yoon Shik. Yet deep inside, his heart was withering at the fact that Yong Ha had never been able to do that for Jae Shin. After all was he not more important than that? That this small girl had taken his place so easily... Yet there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could say. All he could do was support Jae Shin with all his might and pray that he would not claw his way out of his skin in pain in front of Jae Shin.

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Yong Ha breathed out preparing for the hellish torment that was before him. Jae Shin was going to sleep in Yong Ha's room again tonight.. Ever since Jae Shin had found out that Kim Yoon Shik was a girl he had had serious problems sleeping in the same room as her. So he had made a habit of sleeping anywhere he could find until Yong Ha had had enough and decided that if Jae Shin was going to be so stubborn he could be equally stubborn and declared that he had room for a crazy horse in his fabulously furnished room. He shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have done that. It was true that Jae Shin still did not sleep in the room every night but on the nights that he did Yong Ha could not. How could he possibly sleep when the object of his unrecognised desire was just an arms length away sleeping perfectly seductively. Yong Ha was going insane. Jae Shin was a careless sleeper, untying his clothes, throwing his limbs around and sighing in his dreams. It was as if he on purpose did all he could to make Yong Ha unable to sleep for a second, waking up as soon as Jae Shin stirred. Yong Ha was acutely aware of the man lying next to him. Almost every night he had been lying awake watching Jae Shin sleep, trying with every ounce in his body not to reach out and touch his supple caramel skin. Jae Shin sleeping was the most wonderful thing Yong Ha had ever seen. Completely relaxed, his untied clothes revealing his flat abdomen and beautifully sculpted shoulders, his black wavy hair flowing over the pillow and his voluptuous lips slightly parted letting through a sigh every now and then. He couldn't drink in the sight enough, and therefore he would lie awake all night not being able to tear his eyes of the gorgeous man before him. It was slowly breaking him down as he was dying to touch Jae Shin, but he didn't dare.

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The boldest move Yong Ha had ever dared to do was to slowly extend his hand so that it rested just a few millimetres above the skin on the abdomen, pretending to caress it, watching how it sometimes caused small goosebumps to form at the slight cooling sensation of his cold hand to Jae Shin's warm skin. It was driving him mad with desire. The worst nights he had to go out of the room to pour a bucket of cold water over his head to calm down. Other times he would just sit on the porch looking at the moon until his eyes closed by sheer fatigue. But was worst was not that he couldn't sleep, it was that he didn't dare to. He was terrified that he would do something to give him away in his sleep. One time he had woken up, half dressed, with his arm draped on top of Jae Shin's similarly half naked chest. Another time he had found himself having lodged his leg on top one of Jae Shin's and as he had slowly opened his eyes and realised the position he was in he had inched away on sheer panic before Jae Shin could wake. Yet another time Jae Shin had teased him about what he could have dreamt about repeatedly calling Jae Shin's name in his dreams. Many times he found himself curled up to the back of Jae Shin and sometimes even grasping his waist. He couldn't even count the times anymore, and he was so grateful that Jae Shin usually slept very soundly and woke later than Yong Ha or he would have had answered to Jae Shin's fists, he was sure. But the worst time so far was actually not initiated by himself but by Jae Shin. That time he had been half sleeping when a very drunk Jae Shin had returned to the dark room and stumbling in he had thrown himself on the bed landing right on top of Yong Ha, instantly falling asleep. That time Yong Ha had shamelessly enjoyed the feeling of Jae Shin's weight , the heat of his flushed skin and his hot breath on his neck for several minutes until he started feeling ashamed for taking advantage of his sleeping friend like this. He had managed to push Jae Shin to the side and pull the cover over him. But he spent the rest of the night lodged in the corner fully awake with a burning sensation in his heart.

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Tonight was worse than even that time. Yong Ha was exhausted. The nights were particularly hot leaving Jae Shin more undressed than ever refusing to put his cover on and as he slept small beads of humidity was forming on his face, chest and abdomen. So Yong Ha didn't sleep but spent the entire nights tormented by the vision of Jae Shin's flushed skin and the ferocious desire to lick the beads of humidity from his skin. Coming back to the dorm from his usual drinking time with Cho Sun, Yong Ha was so tired he almost fell over. He hadn't wanted to go but he hadn't seen her for several weeks and people were starting to notice. No matter how annoying it was he had to uphold his alibi as a frequent guest at the Morangak. It was crucial to be of any use to Jae Shin. So he had dragged himself there thinking that maybe it would make him think less of Jae Shin, when in fact it had made him think more about him since being surrounded by the heavily decorated, fluttering gisaeng made him long for the simple strength and honesty of Jae Shin. Their white skin, bright colours and elegant moves looked so constructed in comparison to Jae Shin's monochrome presence and strong, yet perfectly controlled fluid movements. Yong Ha sighed. He hadn't drunk much but in combination with his need for sleep and heated thoughts about his room-mate left him with a feeling of lightheadedness that made him stumble in to the room. Just as he had managed to lie down without breaking anything Jae Shin stumbled into the room, equally drunk. He grunted a greeting and started to promptly remove most of his clothing. Yong Ha's mind went blank. As Jae Shin was peeling of layer after layer of clothing all he could do was watch as more and more of that silky richness of caramel skin was being revealed. The curve of Jae Shin's back as he bent over to remove his socks took Yong Ha's breath away, he couldn't even form a word of protest, but as Jae Shin started fumbling with his the ribbon that held his pants up Yong Ha managed to press out a squeak which stopped Jae Shin and, looking slightly embarrassed as if he had forgotten Yong Ha's presence, he left them on while throwing himself on the mattress instantly falling asleep.

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Yong Ha was finally breathing again and throwing a second glance at the heavily sleeping brute on the floor he decided that maybe he would dare to sleep less clothed this night. It was so hot and humid and Jae Shin looked so refreshed without all the heavy clothes. Usually Yong Ha never dared to remove even his top, no matter how warm it was, but he could not take it any longer. Watching Jae Shin's unaware striptease had left him soaked in panicky sweat. As the decision was taken he stripped down to his pants and immediately felt much better with a cool breeze on his skin. But it wasn't enough to cool him completely and in a flash of a second he decided to do something he had never done in the presence of Jae Shin or anyone else for that matter. Being convinced that Jae Shin would sleep like a log and would most likely oversleep tomorrow morning he dared to do it. He untied his hair. His hair was a source of particular pride. While Jae Shin's hair was sun bleached, wavy and ruggedly cut to the shoulder, Yong Ha's was tar black, smooth as silk and reaching all the way below the waist. It was a gift from his mother. The only thing he could remember her by. In fact Yong Ha looked so much like his mother that if she would still have been alive they could have been twins â&#x20AC;&#x201C; in spite of the fact that he was a man. But Yong Ha didn't know this, all he knew was that it was his secret pleasure to undo his hair. He loved the feeling of it flowing down his back, it felt like someone caressing him, it felt like freedom. He lied down on the side, facing Jae Shin, letting his gaze linger on the sleeping figure. He was so beautiful, lying there all relaxed, breathing slowly. A small sliver of moonlight caressed Jae Shin's moist lips, putting Yong Ha's focus there. It was enthralling. An errant strand of hair was tickling the edge of Jae Shin's lips and before he could stop himself he reached out his hand and brushed them away, touching the place where the moon had touched. The boldness of the move surprised even Yong Ha attributing it to the alcohol, but once done he didn't regret it, at all. The touch of Yong Ha's fingers on his lips made Jae Shin sigh out in his sleep

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and move slightly, leaning his face towards Yong Ha, who quickly removed his fingers and looking at them recalled the soft, humid touch of the lips on them. They were humming with joy and wanting to know this feeling again he once again put his fingers on Jae Shin's lips. This time Jae Shin didn't move but suddenly his tongue darted out, accidentally licking Yong Ha's finger ever so slightly. Yong Ha's finger tingled sending a shiver down his spine, and struggling in his mind between leaving his finger there but realising that he couldn't do this he started to remove his hand when Jae Shin suddenly shifted back in his sleep catching Yong Ha's wrist with his hand. Yong Ha's heart stopped beating for a second. Had Jae Shin woken up? Had he been awake the whole time? But as Jae Shin showed no sign of waking he breathed out in relief only to realise that he was caught in Jae Shin's powerful grip. What a dilemma, what should he do? Even if he tried it would be impossible to pry himself out of the iron grip of Jae Shin, he knew this from earlier. Should he wake him? No, he did not have the heart or the courage, for how would he explain this? So he just lied there with his hand resting over Jae Shin's heart. Feeling the strong thumps in his palm he was slowly relaxing and as Jae Shin's was making no move to release him soon he started drifting of to sleep. Suddenly Jae Shin shifted again, throwing his arm, that was still holding Yong Ha, over to the other side. This made the half asleep Yong Ha wake with a start when he found himself being tossed over Jae Shin chest, his body half on top and his mouth landing only millimetres away from Jae Shin's parted lips. The sheer surprise of it made Yong Ha recoil but he was still caught by Jae Shin's grip and he could not move an inch. Giving in, he was unable to do anything except gaze at Jae Shin's sleeping face enjoying the warmth that his body was giving off. His naked chest was rubbing against Jae Shin's making Yong Ha goosebump in satisfaction. The situation was already so precarious that he could no longer stop himself.

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He had to find out if his lips would tingle as well as his fingers if they were to touch Jae Shin's lips. Slowly, slowly he leaned in and softly, softly he grazed his lips with Jae Shin's. The effect was devastating. It was the sweetest torment Yong Ha had ever felt. It send shivers down his spine and his heart clenched, bringing tears to his eyes. What am I doing? He thought, internally cringing in pain. I must be seriously disturbed to take advantage of my friend like this and tormenting myself with impossible dreams. Just give it up Yong Ha, just give it up... and he lifted his head removing his lips from Jae Shin's. As Yong Ha had leaned in for the kiss a wisp of his freely flowing hair grazed Jae Shin's abdomen, ever so lightly, causing Jae Shin to stir and relaxing his grip slightly but still not letting go, he gave Yong Ha a little bit of movement. Yong Ha took this chance to lay down next to him, trying not to touch him but failing as his hair was still draped across Jae Shin's abdomen. He loathed himself for his conduct promising to never, ever do something like this again. He felt pathetic. He was not Kim Yoon Shik. He was not a woman. He was not meant for this man. The words echoed in his hollow heart and as he fell asleep letting his tears give way, Jae Shin stirred.

Jae Shin's was slowly coming too, he was dreaming the most wonderful dream. Someone was holding him and kissing him. He sighed contently and let his mind linger on the dream when he became aware of the weight on his chest and the warmth at his side. His eyes flew open and he raised his head looking down to the naked figure lying sprawled halfway on top of him.

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I must still be asleep, he half consciously thought since the situation was just too absurd to be true. He fell back and closed his eyes. Maybe I did drink a little bit too much this time. I have to be more careful. He thought. Pleased with his assessment that this had to be another dream he reached down to scratch the tingling on his abdomen when he realised that his hand was already holding something. His eyes flew open once again and throwing a glance at his clenched hand he realised that he was holding someone's wrist in a dead grip and that this someone's arm was lying right across his chest because of it. He opened his hand as if burnt and reached down to scratch his itching abdomen but when he reached the place of the tingling all he found was a handful of silken hair. What the...? Had he been so drunk that he couldn't remember what he had been doing. Why was there a person lying sprawled across him? Who was this? Where was he? Was he still wearing his pants? After seconds of sheer panic, reassuring himself that he was indeed proper, he took some moments to assign a location to his predicament. Looking up the ceiling he realised that this was Yong Ha's dorm room, but he could not for the world understand who this person lying next to him was. He slowly inched up carefully removing the arm, making an effort not to wake the person sleeping so soundly. The person stirred and having the arm finally released he rolled over to lie on his back making both his hair gently flow of Jae Shin's chest with a touch as light as feathers and revealing his face in the moonlight. Jae Shin could only watch with eyes growing larger by the minute as he found himself dumbfounded staring at the face of his best friend and room-mate. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hic!â&#x20AC;? Even as he understood that this creature, lying half nude with his black hair draped across the chest, had to be Yong Ha he could not fathom the situation. Why had Yong Ha been lying on top of him? Why was his top of?

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Why was his hair like that? And had he always been this gorgeous? Jae Shin swallowed. Yes, he knew full well that Yong Ha had always been this gorgeous recalling that time at the lake when he had unexpectedly stumbled across Yong Ha bathing. The memory came rushing back like a storm wind and he couldn't for the life of him stop staring. Perfectly remembering the wet, naked Yong Ha in the lake his eyes wandered from the long eyelashes, the high cheekbones and the straight nose to the parted lips and the jaw that could have been sculpted in stone. His eyes trailed the neck down to the slender shoulders, following the chest down to his navel. Suddenly Yong Ha made a move with his hand putting it on top of his stomach and then moving it downwards until it rested on his hipbone. Jae Shin's breathed in, knowing painfully well what Yong Ha would look like without the concealing pants. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hic! Hic!â&#x20AC;? Jae Shin once again swallowed hard trying to stop his hiccups. He recalled that everyone always called Yong Ha handsome and that many women, and men, found him very attractive. Yong Ha wasn't handsome. He wasn't attractive. He was breathtaking. How could anyone be so beautiful? As much as he wanted to keep looking he had to solve the mystery of why Yong Ha had he been lodged on top of Jae Shin? He thought back to how he had awoken and recalled that he had been clutching Yong Ha's wrist hard, very hard. Ah, he understood... He knew that in strength Yong Ha was no match for him. Yes, that was indeed the reason. He must have grabbed Yong Ha and refused to let him go and poor Yong Ha not knowing what to do had just laid down to sleep hoping Jae Shin would let

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him go sooner or later. He must have been drunker than he thought. He reprimanded himself and promised to do better in the future. Thoroughly pleased with himself to have solved the mystery of a naked Yong Ha on top of him and having solved it before Yong Ha awoke, he dared to cast another glance at the unknowing Yong Ha. His hair! He has undone his hair... Jae Shin had never seen Yong Ha with his hair down before, except for the time he had found him naked in the lake. He held out his hand to touch it recalling the silky feeling and the smooth touch of it watering down his abdomen. Once again his breathing got erratic. His hand stretched out and and believing that Yong Ha was deeply asleep he let his eyes soak up the sight without shame. Yes, Jae Shin could shamelessly say that Yong Ha was the most beautiful and sensual thing he had ever laid eyes on. As his eyes stayed on Yong Ha he kept repeating the bathing scene in his head. It was making him burn with a feeling that he didn't dare to name. Yong Ha had been ethereal bathing in the forest lake but here in the closeness of the dorm room at arms length he was so alluring and enticing that Jae Shin found himself wanting to touch that skin and inadvertently he licked his lips. This had to be desire, he distantly thought. I desire Yong Ha. In the darkness of the room he could feel his cheeks flush at the thought of him desiring his best friend, a man. But as none was there to see he could for once just enjoy the freedom of desiring something out of his reach and not having to hide it. Yes, he thought, I do desire Yong Ha. How could I not... His gaze returned to the sleeping face of his best friend and lingered on his parted lips and again he licked his lips. The dream kiss had awoken his desire and he was disturbed by his own feelings. At once it struck him that this was nothing like how he felt for Kim Yoon Shik. The soft tenderness he wanted to wrap her up into was nothing like the brutal

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scorching feeling that Yong Ha produced in him. Not even once had Jae Shin wanted to throw Kim Yon Shik against a wall and kiss her senseless. Never had he felt that he wanted to undress her and lick her everywhere until her sweet voice would break into moans. Never had he felt jealous of the people around her touching her or throwing lecherous glances at her. Never had he wanted those teasing eyes to look at him and only him. Just imagining Yong Ha's bottomless eyes lingering on him was making his breath erratic. No, not even once. For she was like his brother. She WAS his brother, or rather his sister. He understood now. The love and tenderness he had for her finally made sense. Then he also understood why he could not be jealous of Sun Joon. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to, for Jae Shin did not want her like that. Jae Shin didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to hold her like a lover but as a brother. He wanted to have fun with her and watch over her and be proud of her. Just like an older brother. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to kiss her furiously, he wanted to protect her. Throwing a glance at Yong Ha's sleeping face he realised that the one he desperately wanted to kiss was Yong Ha. The one he wanted to moan his name was Yong Ha. The one that he wanted to look at only him was Yong Ha. Yes, he wanted to kiss him. As they had done once before. Suddenly a flare of anger overcame Jae Shin as he remembered Yong Ha stealing his first kiss and making a bet out of it. I should have punished him for it...Yes...I should punish him...he thought...and the idea of punishing Yong Ha in the same way as he had done to Jae Shin before sent a surge of desire through his body once more. In fact, he was still slightly drunk and was only trying to justify his dire need of Yong ha, but Jae Shin's strength lay in his fists and his justice not his reasoning. And he could be very stubborn once he had made up his mind.

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So without any further due he leaned over to Yong Ha's face and grabbing a handful of hair that was just begging to be touched he put his lips on the lips of the person creating such a conflict of emotions in himself. They were just as plump and soft as he remembered. Jae Shin closed his eyes and leaned in deeper putting more pressure on the kiss. Sparks were going of in his head daring him to be bolder so, remembering how Yong Ha had kissed him that time, he let his tongue dart out to gently touch the corner of Yong Ha's mouth. As Yong Ha's secret kiss had been feather light and bittersweet, the kiss from Jae Shin contained all the pent up desire that he had collected for a long time. Jae Shin's body was so close that their skin touched and yet he wanted more. His hand, letting go of the hair, went up to Yong Ha's exposed stomach and starting to stroke it upwards he could feel the firm and smooth skin and the muscles underneath. It made Jae Shin burn to touch even more. Would he feel like this everywhere? Ah, more... The caress made Yong Ha move, sigh out and slowly start to respond to the kiss. All reason left Jae Shin as he felt Yong Ha respond and he moaned out at the delicious pleasure. Yong Ha's hand went out to drape around the neck of Jae Shin pressing him closer than ever. This left more of his mouth for Jae Shin to explore and while his hand reached Yong Ha's chest, Yong Ha breathed out his name into his mouth - “...Ja..e... Shi...n....” Jae Shin had finally gone insane. He couldn't get enough of Yong Ha and in his fervour to touch more of Yong Ha's intoxicating skin he caressed down to Yong Ha's hip to reach the ribbon to untie his pants. As the knot struggled he surfaced for air and as Yong Ha's mouth was liberated he let out a barely audible sigh - “...Ja..e... Shi...n......I...love...you...”

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It was if someone had poured a bucket of shaved ice over Jae Shin's head. Reason returned. And with it came the realisation of what he was doing still holding the unruly cord for Yong Ha's pants. Echoing the thoughts he had had in the forest after worshipping the naked Yong Ha he dropped the cord like if it was burning his hand and thought What the hell am I doing? And once again was his heart beating like crazy against his ribs. What am I doing? I have serious, serious issues.... Jae Shin threw a glance at the still sleeping Yong Ha and then he rose and practically flew out of the their room lodging himself on the far edge of the porch. His shaking hand came up to touch his burning lips and it made him remember the touch of Yong Ha's cool skin as it had traced his stomach to the chest. Breathing in raggedly he put the hand over his furiously beating heart. The he began to laugh. Moon Jae Shin, Goel Oh, You are crazy....absolutely, out of your mind, crazy... he thought, still laughing and for the first time in his life he thought that his nickname â&#x20AC;&#x153;Crazy Horseâ&#x20AC;? was so befitting him that he could not stop laughing. Indeed, if any of the other students, woken up by his laughter, would have dared to peak out their doors, they would also have believed him, for sitting half naked in the moonlight with a shaking hand over his heart and laughing loudly to himself, Moon Jae Shin was indeed living up to his nickname.

Back in their room Yong Ha was dreaming. Having been so exhausted that not even Jae Shin's assault of his lips and body could have pulled him out of his deep sleep, he had stayed in his dreams.

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And what a dream...Days later Yong Ha would still sport a absolutely delicious smile at the mere remembrance of the dream he had had that night. Another thing that brought a smile to his lips, this time mischievous, was the recollection of waking up that morning, his hair out, his pants undone and no trace of Jae Shin had made him panic, thinking he had done something in his sleep again. So twisting up his hair, tying his clothes and getting ready to run out to search for the missing victim he had flung up the doors hard only to hit Jae Shin on the head, who after his fit of hysterical laughter he had spent the rest of the night sleeping on the porch, not daring to put a foot inside the room, lest he would throw himself on Yong Ha again. The relief of finding Jae Shin safe and sound had made him blurt out - “But...Jae Shin...what on Earth are you doing here? Did...did..I do..did something happen?” When, to his astonishment, Jae Shin went all beet red and avoiding Yong Ha's eyes he burst out - “NO! ABSOUTELY NOT! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!!” then he stomped away, still half nude with his hair in all directions. Even though Yong Ha thought that there was something not really right he was now ensured that at least HE hadn't done anything or Jae Shin would have retributed with his fist. So he breathed out and secretly relished the thought of Jae Shin blushing...he was really too adorable, he thought with a smile. The rest of the day all other student went in big circles around Jae Shin, since he was in a most terrible mood. Jae Shin were very pleased with this since the very thought of him plastered all over Yong Ha made him both hot and bothered and slightly ashamed, and he decided to never, ever, ever speak about this matter. But it didn’t stop him from thinking about it. Or rather he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The feeling of Yong Ha's pliant body underneath his hands. It had been so different from the usual Yong Ha as he casually fondled Jae Shin. He secretly relished this physical part of Yong Ha when he, every now and then, threw his hands around Jae Shin's neck or when he grabbed his arm for

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some obscure reason. He liked how he got absorbed in the forever night of Yong Ha eyes. He loved his laugh and his smile, he loved... ....and the realisation hit him. What had Yong Ha said out loud when Jae Shin was holding him and kissing him? What had he said to Jae Shin when he thought he was just part of his dream?

â&#x20AC;&#x153;...You, Jae Shin, I love you.. â&#x20AC;&#x153;

Did he just say he loves me? The impact made him stand up and he felt as if someone had just rocked his world. Yong Ha said he loves me! He put his hand over his furiously beating heart. It was beating so hard he could barely breath. Yong Ha loves me! The thought made him feel triumph of a sorts and at the same time it was so absurd. Could it really be the truth? He could have dreamt? But, but in that case it was still valid. He absolutely said my name... But.. Jae Shin was confused. Yong Ha had never said anything. Or had he? Was Yong Ha playing again? Like that other time when he had kissed him. How could he? He was sleeping! Confused, Jae Shin decided to stop thinking about it for now. They had other more important things to think about.

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Chapter 3 Takes part after series end but omits the epilogue “But you got what it takes to set me free”

It was a happy ending. Should it not be? After all that had happened they were still alive and well and could continue life as they wanted to. They were still together. Almost... As Yong Ha watched Lee Sun Joon walk away to meet up with Kim Yoon Shik he couldn’t understand why Jae Shin was just standing there letting it happen. Why wasn’t he running after him, beating him to a puddle and taking Yoon Hee as he should? After all was not Jae Shin deeply in love with Yoon Hee? Yong Ha didn’t really understand. This time his brilliant intellect failed him. He felt as if something had passed and he had not had the wit to see it. - “Why aren’t you going after them?” He had posed to Jae Shin as he walked up to him. - “That is no place for us to be.” Jae Shin had calmly replied, not showing any deep emotions. Then he had fired off a smile that could have killed and grabbing Yong Ha in the neck had told him that he wanted to have some of his special wine. Right now. Yong Ha was prattling on about the latest gossip as he fervently searched his room for the best hidden wines and Jae Shin was just letting him. To his own surprise Yong Ha's fervent talk never bored him, rather it amused him how many things Yong Ha always knew and how sharp and accurate his remarks were. He had always taken note of how Yong Ha mentioned small details that could be of use for him the times he ventured out as the “Red Messenger”, silently thanking Yong Ha for the seemingly innocent

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information. Only this time he could just enjoy the homely feeling it gave while following Yong Ha's movements in the small room. He would never again have to venture out as the “Red Messenger” and risk his life. Thinking back to all that had happened he realised that, strangely enough, he felt content at letting Yoon Hee go. It was not very heavy at all. All was as it should. Even Yong Ha was back to his usual self, somewhat. There was still something off but Jae Shin couldn’t pin it down so he let it go in anticipation of celebrating with some of Yong Ha's specially selected wines. Yes, he felt very content and suddenly he couldn’t stop from laughing. Yong Ha gaped. He had not seen Jae Shin laugh like that in many years. It took his breath away. Yes, just like that shall I remember what she did for him that I could not do. Quickly rearranging his face and with eyes perfectly black, as smooth as onyx, he took his seat opposite Jae Shin's and drowned his emotions in wine. Just because Jae Shin had not chosen Yoon Shik didn’t mean he would choose Yong Ha, and it hurt more than ever. Throwing caution out the window he poured the wine into his waiting mouth and before Jae Shin could stop him Yong Ha had gotten really drunk and passed out on the mattress in a very unsophisticated manner. Jae Shin sighed. What had come into Yong Ha tonight? Jae Shin had never seen Yong Ha even remotely drunk but suddenly there was no stopping him. He looked over at the sleeping figure on the bed and his eyes lingered on the supple lips of Yong Ha while his mind leapt back to that fateful day when Yong Ha had kissed him and suddenly he remembered it like it was seconds away. The soft touch of Yong Ha's lips against his and the burning sensation in his heart. - “Hic!” Jae Shin's hand trembled as he slowly reached out to make Yong Ha more comfortable by untying his outer vest. Slowly removing it was a sensual torment Jae Shin could have been without tonight. As he continued with the socks and the inner vest Yong Ha was making no movements at all leaving Jae Shin's hand to willingly touch more than he should have needed, leaving him

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breathless. Hastily standing up in need of fresh air he knocked into Yong Ha's drawer that was standing on the side and in an heroic attempt to save the drawer before it fell over the both of them and at the same time trying not make any sounds whatsoever he managed to catch it with one hand while he shielded Yong Ha with the other. Thus leaving him in a very precarious situation with Yong Ha's face only millimetres away from his and the heavy drawer locking him down. Jae Shin realised that the only way for him to save the situation would be to either fall on top of Yong Ha or let the drawer fall on top of him. In an internal struggle he finally chose the latter since the very idea of lying on top of Yong Ha caused him more mental chaos than the idea of getting a drawer in the head. Making the choice he braced for the impact as he slowly let the drawer go hitting him full force in the back. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as heavy as he first had thought and as he started to think that he had very cleverly saved the situation he realised that the top drawer had been knocked out of the bureau and its papery content was chaotically flowing around in the room. Jae Shin cursed. Standing up and putting back the drawer where it had initially been he started collecting all the papers that had been spread when he recognised one of them. It was the poem that Yong Ha had written during class and so violently snatched from him some time ago. Deliberately slow he opened the paper fully and smoothed it out on the table. Yong Ha's elegant writing brought, for some obscure reason, tears to his eyes as he read the poem again, and reaching the end

â&#x20AC;&#x153;... my heart that is as tightly wound as his stringâ&#x20AC;?

He reread the poem once more and again he felt the stirring in his heart that the poem had inflicted upon him the first time. Beautiful. How could Yong Ha be as shallow as that and still write poems like this? He looked up with a start at the multitude of scattered papers.

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Are all of these poems? He snatched the closest one and read it in surprise. “... shall I paint a bullseye over my heart...” another one ”...maybe then his arrow would strike the truth...” and yet another ”...if your eyes would just once linger on me...” ”...It could not hurt more than it already does...” All the papers scattered were poems depicting painful unrequited love and most of them had an archer as main opponent. Jae Shin was dumbfounded. How many poems had Yong Ha written? He noticed that most of them had been signed with a date and he gasped as he realised that some of them were older than three years. Three years? How long had Yong Ha written poems? How long had he had an unrequited love? Who was it? Jae Shin was burning with questions. Who was this archer that Yong Ha was in love with? His mind frantically recalling every good archer in School his obvious choice would be Ha In Soo? No, it could not be true...not him... The very idea of Yong Ha being in love with the student president was too much for Jae Shin and he realised that he was crushing the paper in his hand. Angrily he snatched another poem and started reading, there had to be more clues somewhere. ”...no one can hold him for he is as free as the wind...” ”...when you leave, take me with you...”

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”...as proud and wild as my heart would like to be...” ”...every night I watch you as you go, fearful for your return...” ”...can I not heal your broken heart...” ”...do not follow your brother, he would not have wished it...” ”...would you not mark me with your red notes, as well as the corrupt people you target...” ”...you shall never belong to me, be free my wild horse...”

Wild Horse? Red notes? Brother? The archer! This could not be Ha In Soo, he realised. But it was surely ringing bells of recognition in his head. Am I the archer? Wha...? If I am the archer, does that mean that Yong Ha loves me? It all made sense...Finally it all made sense. It fit perfectly. He now understood why Yong Ha had so desperately fought to get it back. The poems told all there was to be said. Jae Shin was the archer that had made Yong Ha's heart so wound up, and he had been terrified that Jae Shin would notice. Yes, he was certain now. Yong Ha did love him and he always had. He sucked in his breath as he contemplated all the years they had been together without Jae Shin ever realising the deep love Yong Ha had harboured in his heart.

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Now that he thought about it it should have been so obvious. It had been there in every little smile and touch the entire time. He was such a fool! Yong Ha loved him! And what had Jae Shin done? He had struck him bloody for kissing him. His hand hurt at the very thought. He had actually struck Yong Ha and drawn blood. So that was what he had meant with his questions that time! He had tried to tell me he loves me! It knocked the breath out of him. He knew deep inside that he had never really believed Yong Ha's lie about the bet. The Yong Ha he knew would never have done such a thing. Clenching the poem in his hands Jae Shin's mind went into overdrive at the implications of his train of thought. If Yong Ha had lied to him that meant that he had believed that Jae Shin had been utterly disgusted by the kiss, which he hadn’t been. He had lied to keep their friendship. Yes, it was clear. Yong Ha loves me deeply, but do I love him? The thought felt foreign. Yong Ha was a man. Jae Shin was a man. Love was for women, wasn't it? What was love? Was it a need? If it was need to be with someone, to talk to them, to laugh with them, then yes, this was love. But wasn’t love also desire? The desire to hold, to touch and to kiss? Did he really want to touch and kiss Yong Ha? We did kiss...and blushing he remembered their first kiss, but he soberly thought that it didn’t count since Yong Ha had been the one initiating it, even though a small voice in the back of his head was recounting his own vivid reaction to it. Do I really desire Yong Ha? Recalling the stolen kiss in the dark and the appearance in the lake was proof enough for Jae Shin.

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He remembered the need for him, the desire, all his expressions, his laugh, his black eyes and his low vibrating voice, his sigh. And he realised that he knew the answer. It was all so clear. He had know all along. Yes, I love him, with every fibre in my body. I love him too. He sat down in a sudden flop on Yong Ha's mattress as his legs could no longer sustain him. His fingers felt numb holding the poems that had told Yong Ha's story to him. I am in love, Jae Shin thought finally realising what being in love meant. This is love. Without knowing it I have been in love with Yong Ha for years. Turning towards the sleeping Yong Ha he wanted to scream on the top of his lungs. He wanted to kiss him and hug him and.... An infinite sense of love and tenderness came over Jae Shin as he let his eyes soak in the pale face of Yong Ha in his sleep. How beautiful my Yong Ha is and how deeply I must have hurt him during all these years. He gathered all the scattered poems and put them back in the drawer. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want Yong Ha to know yet that Jae Shin knew. Jae Shin wanted to let Yong Ha know first how he felt. Yes, smiling he made plans in his head for the revealing of Jae Shin's emotions. How surprised Yong Ha will be, he thought fondly. Suddenly an extreme tiredness came over Jae Shin as years of misunderstandings and chaotic emotions came over him. He desperately needed rest too. Where better than here, next to his beloved. Grabbing the cover and blowing out the candles he laid down on the mattress next to Yong Ha's exposed back and carefully covering him he firmly grasped Yong Ha's waist and pulled him in a fierce hug. I will think of this tomorrow, he contently thought as he breathed in the smell of Yong Ha and let his hands seek the heartbeat. Yes, I will think tomorrow, and without further due Jae Shin fell asleep grasping Yong Ha with one hand over his heart.

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Jae Shin frustratedly threw down the brush he had just been using, staining the paper with ink. Yong Ha had looked away again. He was going out of his mind. Yong Ha was definitely avoiding him and he couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t understand why. He had thought that they would get even closer after all that had happened but instead Yong Ha felt further away than ever. The day after their drinking celebration when Jae Shin had realised everything, he had woken up all alone in the room and trying to find Yong Ha he had been informed that Yong Ha had changed dorm affiliation claiming that his room was too small. Then he had changed classes under the guise that he knew them already, leaving them together in only one class per week. Not to mention that every time Jae Shin came to look for him he fled with a random excuse and worst of all, he refused to meet his eyes. Sometimes Jae Shin could feel him watching but as soon as he turned to confirm the fact, Yong Ha would look away refusing to look back. Now this had been going on for several weeks already and Jae Shin missed him acutely. It was if someone had removed a part of him he never knew had existed. All he could think of all day was Yong Ha. They were in the middle of that one shared class per week that Yong Ha still attended and Jae Shin starved of his sight could not make himself look anywhere else. He found himself staring at Yong Ha through the entire lesson noting all the small details and expressions he had. He had been specifically focusing on his lips when Yong Ha had suddenly looked up fixing on Jae Shin's eyes. It was so unexpected that it had startled Jae Shin out of his reverie making him slightly

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embarrassed being caught staring at his lips, but before he had recovered his wits Yong Ha had looked away. Yong Ha had just looked up to assure himself that Jae Shin was still there, something he frequently did in secret, and found himself drowning in Jae Shin's eyes. Breathing in in surprise and feeling his heart starting to beat wildly he forced himself to look away. He knew that if he would look more he would not be able to contain his emotions and they would spill out through his eyes. Yong Ha was miserable. He felt so weak and cowardly. He was trying to avoid Jae Shin to the extremes. His feelings were so strong that every time he saw Jae Shin he had the desire to throw himself in front of him and confess everything. Waking up in the morning after their drinking party with Jae Shin's strong arms around his waist had made him acutely aware of the closeness to the man he loved. All Yong Ha had felt in that instance was panic, rushing out, thinking it was all his fault, not remembering anything that had happened and fearing Jae Shin's reaction. Already before this incident Yong Ha had become more and more aware than ever of his stronger feelings for Jae Shin and he was terrified to be revealed. He had to watch himself all the time not to blurt out affectionate things, to touch him without valid reasons or to look at him too long. It made him mentally exhausted and only more vulnerable to reveal something. Thinking that he had finally made the hugest mistake, he had taken measures to never repeat it. And the only solution was to avoid Jae Shin as much as possible until he was able to contain the emotions that went wild inside him. Little did he know that the internal battle of Yong Ha was hurting him so much that it was starting to show. Jae Shin had noticed the change in Yong Ha and he found himself worrying that there was something seriously wrong. Had Yong Ha's steps always been so heavy? Had his shoulders always been so thin and had his eyes always looked so lifeless?

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Yong Ha, who had been the centre of attention at any event did not even show up anymore. Instead he shut himself in in his room not letting any visitors in, least of all Jae Shin. Jae Shin was burning to tell Yong Ha that he loved him. Finally understanding his own feelings he felt as if his entire being radiated love, as if “I love you” was printed in his forehead for all to see. But he also wanted to tell him about all the misunderstandings. He needed desperately to explain it but Yong Ha would leave him no opening at all and also Jae Shin didn’t know how to tell him about his emotions. In the moment of realisation everything had seemed so clear: Yong Ha loved him and he loved Yong Ha but here, in the light of day, he felt embarrassed and shy. How do you tell something like this? Jae Shin nervously considered the options. I love you? - Nah, too direct. You said you loved me? - No, Yong Ha would just deny it. Can I hold you? - Absolutely NOT!

Class ended and Yong Ha was the first to leave, trying his best to not throw a final glance at Jae Shin. Royally pissed of Jae Shin threw his books down with a huge bang and stomped off in the same direction. Once again Yong Ha had eluded him but this time he would not let go, he had had enough of waiting. Yong Ha had taken the path through the forest to the little lake. It was the only place he could be completely alone and he spent many hours here silently suffering. He had just reached the edge of the water next to the cliff side when someone grabbed his shoulder and twisted him around.

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Jae Shin had called out Yong Ha's name several times but he had kept on going as if he hadn’t heard. It wasn’t until he had almost caught up to Yong Ha that he realised where he had led him. They were at the lake in the forest where Jae Shin had first felt desire for Yong Ha. This just made him even more determined to be heard so he caught up to Yong Ha in three huge steps and calling out his name once more he grabbed his shoulder and turned him round. - “Yong Ha!” The look in Yong Ha's eyes was enough to melt all the anger and frustration he had felt for the last month. Bottomless black they stared incredulously at him taking Jae Shin's breath away and all the words he had planned to throw at Yong Ha got caught in his throat. Just standing there staring at the hypnotising eyes of Yong Ha holding his shoulder was enough to overpower Jae Shin and, as the man of action he ultimately was, he caught him in a fierce embrace resting his head in the crook of his neck breathing in the scent. If Jae Shin had ever doubted his love for Yong Ha this simple gesture had removed it completely. So perfect. He was made for me, his feverish mind thought. I should have done this long ago. The last thought made him wrap his arms around Yong Ha, even harder, crushing him.

Yong Ha had problems breathing. Jae Shin was holding him so hard that he was sure Jae Shin could feel his violently beating heart through the clothes. He couldn’t understand what was happening. Why was Jae Shin holding him? Why wasn’t he just scolding him or throwing his fist around? Wasn’t he mad?

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Feeling Jae Shin's face resting in his neck was too much for the mentally exhausted Yong Ha and all his emotions spilled over his heart and into his eyes. So he closed them enjoying the feeling of his beloved holding him, letting tears run down his cheeks. It doesn’t matter anymore, just hold me... Yong Ha thought and let his trembling hands tentatively come up to lightly touch Jae Shin's back. That was enough for Jae Shin who released his grip slightly only to shift positions, lifted his head and caught Yong Ha's lips in a passionately clumsy kiss, a kiss containing all the the love he never managed to put into words. Yong Ha, being completely lost in the embrace, was brutally awakened as Jae Shin's mouth was invading his in the kiss. In his already confused state not knowing Jae Shin's feelings, he could only deduct that Jae Shin was punishing him for the other kiss, no matter the logics of it. He started to feebly protest but he was caught in the crushing grip of Jae Shin's arms and lips only leaving him able to gasp for breath. Jae Shin heard the gasp and surfacing for air he started a trail of heated kisses down his neck. He was on fire and he couldn’t get enough. Completely deaf to his surrounding and absorbed by the man in his arms, he wanted more. MORE. - “...stop...Jae ..shin..stop it” At first the words of Yong Ha was barely audible but they increased in strength as Jae Shin made no effort to decrease his assault. - ”...stop...it.. stop.. What are you doing...?...stop” Trying to bend out of the iron grip of Jae Shin but finding it was meaningless, Yong Ha's pleas was drowned as Jae Shin's lips came crashing down on his once again. The impact send Yong Ha sandwiched between the rock in his back and Jae Shin in front of him with no more place to go. Jae Shin was burning up, Yong Ha was fuelling his fire. He wanted to feel more, to taste more. It was impossible to stop.

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His hand came up to grab the opening of Yong Ha's top and with a fierce tug he exposed his naked chest and wasting no time he lowered his mouth to taste the cool skin. Even as Yong Ha attempted to make Jae Shin stop his attack he couldn’t stop the shivers of pleasure that Jae Shin was tracing down his exposed chest and neck.. He felt the warm hand of Jae Shin gliding in through the opening leaving burn marks on his skin where it touched. It felt so good...too good Please continue...please..don’t stop, Yong Ha's body was resonating. Don’t stop. Please stop, reason said. - “Stop...stop..” Yong Ha pleaded, struggling more wildly “…stop..Jae Shin...stop this” Yong Ha was dying, he was breaking into pieces together with his heart, believing that Jae Shin was punishing him. This was too cruel. - “Jae Shin, stop...I beg you...” His tears, momentarily stopped by the onslaught, started to flow freely again and he stopped his struggling. The hurt was more than he could take and he started sobbing. - ”Jae Shin...stop...I am dying...you......are killing me....” Jae Shin caught in his fervour realised that Yong Ha had gone completely still and suddenly he felt something warm and wet hitting his cheek making him realise that Yong Ha was crying while trying to say something. - “..e Shin...you...killing me...Let me go....” Startled Jae Shin looked up and the tears streaking Yong Ha's face was enough to understand that he had gone about this in the completely wrong fashion. Poor Yong Ha had no idea that Jae Shin was crazy about him and believed that Jae Shin was punishing him. My poor Yong Ha, how he must have suffered.

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An infinite sense of tenderness grasped him. He had really done everything in the wrong order. He cursed his impulsive nature and taking a small step back, smoothing out the ripped opening of Yong Ha's vest he brought one hand to steady Yong Ha around the waist. Searching Yong Ha's teary, pale face, he brought his other hand up to his face to tenderly wipe the tears of his cheek and looking steadily into his amazingly dark eyes he said the most incredible words Yong Ha had ever heard in his entire life - “Gu Yong Ha. You...I love you!” Jae Shin could see no reaction in Yong Ha. He was as still as death, his eyes revealing nothing. Afraid he hadn’t heard him he took his cold hand and deliberately put it over his heart saying. - “In here is only you..You, Yong Ha!” Yong Ha only gaped, unable to grasp what Jae Shin was telling him. He was looking at him with such a tenderness it made Yong Ha breathless and his warm hand on the cheek was outwordly good. Somewhere in the distance he could hear Jae Shin speak words but he could not make sense out of them all he could feel was the strong heartbeat of Jae Shin underneath his palm. - “...not Kim Yoon Shik, but you....” Jae Shin is telling me something. It sounds as if he is telling me something about love, and me. Yong Ha's brilliant mind could not interpret the meaning of the words. It was too incredulous. I believe Jae Shin is telling me that he loves someone. He loves Yong Ha? Wait! I am Yong Ha! Me? ME!! The words finally meant something. It was slowly, slowly sinking into the ocean that had hidden his heart.

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Jae Shin loves me! And the neurons connected. Sparks! Finally Yong Ha showed some signs of life. He gasped for air, his breathing unsteady after the violent battering of Jae Shin. Fixing his eyes on Jae Shin he started saying something in response. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jae Shin!â&#x20AC;? But just at that moment his overexerted mind and body had had enough. Weak from a month of mental strain, several years of love sickness and the passionate assault of Jae Shin his body decided to shut down completely. And Yong Ha promptly passed out, falling right into Jae Shin's supporting arms.

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STARRY EYES “Next thing we're touching, you look at me it's like you hit me with lightning”

Yong Ha was slowly coming to but his mind was void. What had happened? He tentatively moved his hand without opening his eyes and he could feel cool raw fabric underneath his fingertips. He remembered going to the lake but nothing after. Had he fainted? Again? How embarrassing. He had to stop doing this before anyone would notice. He slowly tilted his head to the side making his cheek brush against the same fabric he had felt with his fingers. Why fabric?...Shouldn’t he be feeling sand or maybe rock? This made him slightly curious. His head was clearing up more and more and it slowly dawned on Yong Ha that the fabric he was feeling was radiating body heat and that that heat was coming from a person holding him. Holding him? This made him snap his eyes open and he found himself staring right in the worried golden eyes of Jae Shin, who was supporting his head with his arm while his other arms was tenderly wrapped around Yong Ha's waist. Jae Shin is holding me?! Yong Ha still not fully grasping the situation was meekly struggling to get up when Jae Shin lent over and whispered in his ear. - “You scared me...are you fine now?”

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Jae Shin's soft velvety voice and his breath brushing close to Yong Ha's ear brought everything back to him, the years of longing, the long nights of pained desire and ultimately the reason for Yong Ha's avoidance of Jae Shin's company. Yet here he was despite all his good intentions, lying sprawled in Jae Shin's strong arms as he sat leaning on the cliff. Yong Ha was embarrassed out of his skin. He didn't know where to put his gaze so he looked down on his hand that was lying in his lap. Not daring to look up he could feel Jae Shin's intense eyes locked on him and he was so close.

So close. The sitting position of Yong Ha was so excruciatingly intimate with his legs touching Jae Shin's and his entire weight leaning on Jae Shin's strong arm and chest, that it was making Yong Ha flushed. He knew that if he would turn his head slightly Jae Shin's voluptuous lips would be just instances from his. Such temptation. Yong Ha didn't know where to look or what to say but he felt the need to fill the silence with something. - “I am fine..sorry...I must have slept bad..You can let me go now..” Yong Ha shifted in Jae Shin's arms but Jae Shin was not releasing his grip. Instead he just stared intently at Yong Ha as if waiting for something. When Yong Ha realised he couldn’t get out of Jae Shin's arms he dared throw a glance at his face. He shouldn’t have done that. Jae Shin's glistening eyes caught him breathlessly and suddenly his words came back in full force to Yong Ha leaving him gaping in awe, how could he have forgotten? - “In here is only you..You, Yong Ha.” Still locked by Jae Shin's eyes Yong Ha gasped out as he remembered Jae Shin's love declaration but he didn't have time to think anymore for Jae Shin breached those last centimetres to Yong Ha's mouth and caught his lips in a surprisingly tender kiss that completely won over any intent Yong Ha could have had. - “Ah”, was all Yong Ha could press out through his throat. Jae Shin's firm, plushy lips were melting him inside out.

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Jae Shin's continued kissing him in slow languorous movements igniting every part of Yong Ha until all he could do was moan and squirm in delicious excitement. Tentatively Yong Ha started kissing Jae Shin's back teasing with his tongue until he managed to get a throaty moan from Jae Shin that told Yong Ha that he was just as affected as Yong Ha. Yong Ha was putting his arms around Jae Shin's neck when he felt Jae Shin's hand seeking underneath Yong Ha's robe in awkward desperation and then finally reaching the tender skin at the side of the abdomen. Yong Ha gasped at Jae Shin's boldness. - “Ahh..” Yong Ha couldn’t stop the sounds spilling from his mouth. As Jae Shin's hand continued up over Yong Ha's back he couldn’t stop a pleasurable wave of goosebumps to rivet through him. Jae Shin's hand was burning trails in his sensitive skin and Yong Ha wished he was free from the constrained scholarly uniform he was wearing. Jae Shin suddenly removed his hand and as if he had read Yong Ha's mind he started unfastening Yong Ha's belt throwing it unceremoniously to the side and then moved to unbuttoning the vest. Before Yong Ha had even registered he was lying half naked with his untied white robes draped around him. This obviously pleased Jae Shin that leant over Yong Ha with a smile and continuing his divine kissing let his hands roam free on Yong Ha's exposed body. As if this would not have been enough Jae Shin suddenly grabbed Yong Ha and with a powerful movement pressed him to his chest without stopping his kissing, shifted position, and Yong Ha found himself elongated on the sandy beach with Jae Shin's delicious weight on top of him. Jae Shin's kisses, teasing hands and his excitement pressing against the thigh of Yong Ha was almost too much. Yong Ha had problems focusing on reality. Every time he thought he could grasp it Jae Shin's would touch him or kiss him in such a way or in such a place that his brain could take no more. He had so many worries and questions but they all seemed so insignificant in comparison to Jae Shin's kisses. - “Jae Shin...aah”

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Jae Shin started kissing a trail over Yong Ha's neck and down over his chest, teasing the nipples with his tongue as he reached them. Yong Ha could only lie there gasping and moaning in sweet pleasure. Then as softly as he had started Jae Shin stopped his caresses and kisses and sat up, gazing at Yong Ha with a secret question in his eyes. Deprived of Jae Shin, Yong Ha sat up too with a sinking feeling in his stomach that this would be both the end and retaliation of what had just passed. He feared the next words from Jae Shin's mouth and in an attempt to gather his dignity before the blow he grabbed his dishevelled clothes and pressed them to his chest for coverage. - “Yong Ha..” Yong Ha looked away from Jae Shin, waiting for the blow, but instead he heard - “...would you undo your hair for me?” Yong Ha whipped his head around to look at Jae Shin with the most incredulous expression he must have ever expressed in his entire life, his kiss swollen lips gaping. - “Wha..?” But he could see no deceit in Jae Shin's eyes, instead he could see a faint blush covering Jae Shin's cheeks and his eyes embarrassedly darted from one side to the other not knowing where to look. This adorable gesture made Yong Ha chuckle in response and after catching his breath he nodded and started undoing his top knot. He didn’t know why Jae Shin would have such a request but he loved it. As he worked on the complicated ribbon Jae Shin was watching him intently. Finally Yong Ha started unwinding his impossibly long hair and as he felt it silkily slip out of his fingers and down his back he heard a choked sound coming from Jae Shin. Had Jae Shin just hiccuped? Yong Ha shyly cast a glance at Jae Shin. He felt like he was completely exposed. He had never taken down his hair in front of anyone before but the love and tenderness he could see in Jae Shin's eyes was taking his breath away.

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They sat like that for what felt like minutes and then Jae Shin slowly inched closer to Yong Ha and brought a hand up grabbing a raven black lock of hair that was falling down over Yong Ha's cheek. - “Beautiful...” and looking Yong Ha straight in the eyes he repeated his words “You are beautiful...my Yong Ha..” All Yong Ha could do was stare at Jae Shin. Jae Shin's words and the look in his eyes were bringing tears to Yong Ha's eyes and before he knew it they were unashamedly falling down his cheeks. He felt like he had waited all his life to hear that. Jae Shin breached the small distance between them and grabbed Yong Ha in a crushing hug. Yong Ha could feel Jae Shin's heart thumping hard through the smooth silk. If this was a dream then Yong Ha did not ever want to leave it. Jae Shin's hand came up to move the hair from Yong Ha's neck and then he lowered his head and kissed him tenderly in the crock of the neck. Yong Ha's tears were still flowing freely but the feeling of Jae Shin's soft, plush lips pressed to the pulse on the neck made him breath out a sigh. - “Jae Shin..” - “Hic...” Had Jae Shin's just hiccuped again? Nah, he must have imagined it. Jae Shin was kissing every piece of skin showing on Yong Ha, moving up to his face and then his lips. Jae Shin's lips were the most sinful pleasure Yong Ha had ever felt and the plump feeling of them as they reached his mouth would have been enough for Yong Ha to live content for the rest of his life. - “Yong Ha...” Jae Shin's breathed out his name into his mouth and firmly pressed him down on the sand again while continuing his kisses and caresses. “Yong Ha...” How could Jae Shin make his name sound so beautiful, Yong Ha absently thought as Jae Shin's entire being was saturating his senses. Yong Ha brought up his hands to Jae Shin's hair and in one simple move he had removed the ribbon and freed Jae Shin's wavy locks. He let his hands roam into the rough strands and revelled in their softness while Jae Shin undisturbed continued his kisses down Yong Ha's abdomen. - “Ah...”

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Yong Ha's hands slowed their movements when he felt Jae Shin's hot breath closing in on his hipbone and the hardness further down and they stopped completely as Jae Shin started untying the knot to Yong Ha's pants. Suddenly Yong Ha, the always unabashed king of erotic implications, felt like a shy novice. Yong Ha might read a lot of erotica but he had, despite his rumour, never actually made love to any woman, or man, for that matter. - “Jae Shin!” Yong Ha exclaimed while he tried to sit up in an attempt to stop Jae Shin in his advances. Jae Shin's looked up with his dishevelled hair curling around his face, his delectable lips slightly parted and a completely innocent look in his eyes and Yong Ha forgot what he wanted to say as he realised that he wanted to have this man. Yong Ha wanted, and there could be no stopping him. - “Let me...” Yong Ha heard himself saying as he stood up and unceremoniously untied the ribbon of his pants around his ankles and waist. The silky fabric glided of Yong Ha like water, leaving him to stand completely nude in front of Jae Shin, except for his white vest that he was still wearing. The he leant forward and grabbing Jae Shin's strong shoulders and pushing him backwards to the cliff side Yong Ha straddled his lap. Then in slow movements he started unbuttoning Jae Shin's vest while tentatively kissing each little part of skin he could find. The daringness of the motion had surprised both of them but as skin met skin and caresses and kisses saturated their senses all they could do was relish the heat, wishing for more. The unclothing of Jae Shin's was driving them both insane with lust as every time Yong Ha lent forward to plant a kiss on Jae Shin's flushed skin his hard length pressed with a teasing pressure on the abdomen of Jae Shin and when he rocked back to again unbutton a button he put his weight on Jae Shin's rock hard bulge driving out throaty moans from Jae Shin. Finally Yong Ha could desperately push the clothing to the sides and reaching Jae Shin's caramel skin he couldn’t stop thinking what a treat it was. Yong Ha was living his dream. He could not believe he was sitting naked on top of Jae Shin and that he could touch him as freely as this. He knew each and every part of Jae Shin's so well,

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all the small scars and indents in his skin. But this was the first time he had ever touched them. Lightly he brought his fingertips to follow the large scar over Jae Shin's chest, Yong Ha remembered this one as if it was only yesterday he had found Jae Shin unconscious on the floor of his hideout. He remembered vividly the shock to his heart when he for seconds had thought that Jae Shin was dead and the flooding relief when he had realised he wasn’t. It was Yong Ha who had patched up Jae Shin and sneaked away before he could wake up. Yong Ha had never mentioned it to Jae Shin but now he sight of the scar brought tears of pain to his eyes. Yong Ha lent forward and kissed the puckered surface, the tender gesture pulling out a sigh from Jae Shin. As Yong Has hair fell forward as a curtain over Jae Shin's abdomen he could have sworn he could hear Jae Shin hiccup again, but with the full unrestricted access to Jae Shins body it was soon forgotten.. As Yong Ha continued the kissing of each and every scar he started grinding more desperately against Jae Shin. Yong Ha was burning in desire and he could feel Jae Shin's hands caressing his back and sides and then move down to grasp his buttocks and in a firm grip Jae Shin pressed Yong Ha even harder towards him making Yong Ha see stars in pleasure and gasp breathlessly. Both Yong Ha and Jae Shin's movements and kisses where matched in heat and desperation. Then Yong Ha could wait no more, ten years were already way too much. He had to have this man, right now, or he would most likely die of want. - “I want you...” Yong Ha looked at Jae shin for the answer. - “Ah” Was all Jae Shin managed to groan out as Yong Ha's hand went down to rip the cord of Jae Shin's pants and seek his hardness underneath the fabric. It was firm as rock, smooth and burning hot. Yong Ha moved his hand around it revelling in the touch while Jae Shin shuddered in pleasure, his hands never leaving Yong Has thighs. Yong Ha, being well read in ALL sorts of erotic literature knew theoretically how to make love with a man but he had never done it practically but being a

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man of sparkling intellect he realised he had his hand cream in the pocket of his under vest, which he still had on. Lucky! – thank Gods, for me being so vain, he thought as he brought out the little jar of cream and grabbing a handful he brought it to Jae Shin's heated flesh. Jae Shin's closed his eyes and increased his moans at the intense pleasure of the slick hand cream and the movement of Yong Ha's hand on him. - “Jae Shin?” Yong Ha's whispered question made Jae Shin open his eyes and when he saw the silent question in Yong Ha's eyes he just nodded and with a ridiculously strong grip on Yong Ha's hips he raised him so Jae Shin was pressing as to enter. Breathing out Yong Ha looked right into Jae Shin's eyes as he could feel him enter, slowly, slowly, the hand cream easing the entrance. Yong Ha's clenched his teeth together and his eyes were swimming in intense pain and pleasure as he was stretched beyond what he had thought possible but found was not impossible at all. Jae Shin's eyes glazed over in pleasure as Yong Ha agonisingly slow kept pressing down until he was completely impaled. The pleasure was so intense that it took Yong Ha's breath away and he had to stay like that for several seconds or he would be finished straight away he thought, and when he felt he could breath again he lent forward to kiss those absolutely sinful plump lips of his newly acquired lover. His beautiful Jae Shin was writhing underneath him making the most enticing sounds Yon Ha had ever heard, and he hadn’t even started moving yet. - “Yong Ha...ama...zing...ah...” Jae Shin was breathing out his name and sweet nothings as Yong Ha kept teasing with kisses. - “Jae..aaah.. Shin..” Yong Ha shuddered in delicious torment as Jae Shin's hands started moving over his body in rough patchy movements as Yong Ha started rocking against him, kissing his face and lips over and over again. - “Yong HAh..Ah..Ah..” the lustful gasps of Jae Shin was enticing Yong Ha even more and as his vision was blurring in pleasure he amusedly thought to

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himself that his beloved was much more vocal in lovemaking than he was in general. He is going to make me blush every time I hear my own name after this, Yong Ha noted. For the first time in his life Yong Ha felt like he was not in control of anything, not the frantic thrusts that his hips seemed to do on their own, not the ragged breaths and moans that Jae Shin was tearing out of him, not the love that he for the first time could let out like a flood. Love...yes, love. This is making love, Yong Ha hazily noted in the back of his head as Jae Shin voiced another pleasurable thrust with his deep resounding voice. Every time Jae Shin bottomed out in Yong Ha it sent an explosion of such intense pleasure to Yong Ha's mind that it made him rake his nails into Jae Shin's back and cry out involuntarily. Frantically kissing Jae Shin he knew he was close, so close. The growing roughness of their motions was displaying the increasing need for each other when suddenly Jae Shin grabbed Yong Ha's waist with his arm and in a crushing grip pressed down Yong Ha so he went even deeper inside drawing a cry from Yong Ha. Then Jae Shin bit down on his tender neck muffling his loud grunt of pleasure as he could take it no longer. Yong Ha felt Jae Shin tense up like a iron coil and the bite on the neck was too much also for Yong Ha, who in a virtual explosion of light behind his eyes crying out Jae Shin's name, spilled onto Jae Shin's heated skin at the same time as he could feel, and hear, Jae Shin emptying himself inside Yong Ha. Perfect...it was perfect. Yong Ha thought as the world spiralled out of existence and all there were was Jae Shin and Yong Ha. This is making love. It is nothing like my books... and all the images and texts he had seen flashed in front of his eyes, but he couldn't find anything that was even close to describe what they had just experienced. Nothing at all...

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It took them minutes to get the world to fade in again. Yong ha felt boneless as Jae Shin grabbed a hold of him and gently pulled them down on the sand so that Yong Ha was resting his head on Jae Shin's shoulder. - “Yong Ha?” Jae Shin's vibrant voice was resonating just millimetres from Yong Has ear. - “Y..yes..” Yong Ha found it as hard to speak as it was to move and his voice was trembling. - “Your place...is here...with me” And Jae Shin caught Yong Has hand and pressed it to his heart while his eyes sought Yong Has and locked them in an intense gaze. Yong Ha was speechless. He could feel Jae Shin's frantic heartbeats resounding in his palm and he marvelled in the idea that it was Yong Ha himself who had caused such an effect in the usually biased Jae Shin. - “Jae Shin...” Yong Has voice broke as he again started to tear up. “I wanted to tell you...I...” - “Yong Ha...I know...I know about our first kiss. I know about the lie. I..I know everything” - “How..?” Was the only thing Yong Ha could press out. He couldn't understand how Jae Shin could know all of these things. - “Time...and your poems..” Jae Shin added the last part and gave Yong Ha such a brilliant smile that all his teeth could be seen. If Yong Has mind hadn't just exploded with their lovemaking this smile would have done it. - “...my...poems?” Yong Ha had a hard time connecting. Tilting his head to the side he tried to understand what Jae Shin was saying and then suddenly Yong Has eyes widened in understanding. - “Whaat!? When did you read my poems?”

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Yong Ha exclaimed one third in surprise, one third in embarrassment and one third in fear. - “That night you got so drunk...I sort of managed to tip over that drawer you have and they all fell out..” Jae Shin added, a little flustered. “I didn't mean to read them..but I recognised one and then...” Jae Shin had a faint blush on his cheeks and as he continued the blush turned beet red. “...and then I thought that you were in love with Ha In Soo..so I got so mad that I had to read them all....” Jae Shin finished. - “You thought I was WHAT?” Yong Ha could not believe what he was hearing. “Ha In Soo???! of all people...” and then Yong Ha burst out in a brilliant laughter, for Jae Shin was displaying such an adorable expression of confusion, embarrassment and surprise that Yong Has heart was overflowing. “...and you read ALL...ALL of my poems?” Yong Ha couldn't stop laughing. This was just too absurd and wonderful at the same time. Yong Ha was getting a cramp laughing so hard so he sat up while still chuckling and casually swept his long hair over the shoulder trying to tangle out the knots that Jae Shin had created during their lovemaking. - “Hic! ...Hic!” This time Jae Shin couldn't muffle the hiccups even though he had brought up his hand to cover them. Yong Ha threw an incredulous glance at Jae Shin. - “Was that a hiccup?” - “Eh..no...hic!” Jae Shin looked like he had been caught barehanded. Yong Ha was gaping. Why was Jae Shin hiccuping, there were no women here! - “Its true...I heard you now and before! But why are you hiccuping now...there are no women here?” Yong Ha exclaimed exasperated. - “I don’t hiccup because of women..I told you before..hic!” Jae Shin was between frustrated and embarrassed but Yong Ha kept pressing. - “But...all these years, you have always hiccuped when you see women...” Yong Ha persisted.

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- “I don’t hiccup when I see women...I...I... hiccup when I see something that makes my heart beat faster...” Jae Shin finally admitted bright red on his cheeks. - “But..I am sure...every time I was with you, you always hiccuped...” Yong Has voice faded out as he was slowly grasping what Jae Shin had said. - “I am telling you...the reason I hiccup most of the times is because....its because....Hic! Hic!” Jae Shin continued flustered. “YOU were there...” “every time you come near me or touch me I start to hiccup...” Jae Shin finally admitted in a hushed voice as Yong Ha gaped in awe. Had Jae Shin just told him that all these years of hiccups were due to Yong Ha? - “...that’s why...that’s why I tried to shrug you off every time you threw yourself on me..” Yong Ha was still gaping, speechless. He was silently racking his brain to remember all the situations that he had seen Jae Shin have a hiccup and now that he thought about it he had always been there hadn't he? So Jae Shin was not hiccuping unless Yong Ha was there? But.. - “But I know of one time you hiccuped without me there...” Yong Ha looked suspiciously at Jae Shin. “That time you knew Kim Yoon Shik was a woman because you had seen here take a bath and you came running out of your room, you were most definitively hiccuping and I was not in the room...” Yong Ha exclaimed slightly triumphant in finding a situation that would prove him right. - “Hmm...well...it was not of Yoon He...I was..” Jae Shin had troubles continuing. “I mean...it was because I was..." “...I was thinking about you taking a bath...” he finally pressed out even redder than before. Yong Ha was again gaping.

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Jae Shin had been thinking of Yong Ha taking a bath? Unable to phrase something coherent Yong Ha was opening and closing his mouth like a fish on dry land. Finally he managed to press out a squeaky - “...a bath..??” - “Yes, hmm...there was this one time...I came here...to this lake and you...you....were taking a bath..” Jae Shin's eyes were focusing everywhere except on Yong Has eyes. - “I was taking a bath?” Still gaping Yong Ha tried to remember. He had come to this lake many times but he hadn't dare bathe here more than a few times so he should be able to remember. - “Ah! That was YOU?” Yong Ha burst out as he remembered this specific time when he had thought there was someone, he had even heard a sound but then nothing, so he had just assumed he had imagined things. Then he turned beet red. Jae Shin had been watching him naked taking a bath. Soon there could be nothing that would ever make Yong Ha surprised again, he thought. The he once again burst into his brilliant laughter. - “So...would you like to join me this time? Jae Shin...” And Yong Ha stood up and tossed of the white vest he was still wearing and completely nude with his long black hair tousled around his shoulders he held out his hand to Jae Shin. With a glorious smile Jae Shin took his hand, stood up and tossed of the remains of his dishevelled clothes, then he grabbed Yong Ha princess style making Yong Ha squeak in surprise, took five huge steps and tossed him right into the lake. When Yong Ha surfaced, sputtering and cursing, Jae Shin had joined him in the cool water and was towering right in front of him, water reaching to the hips. Yong Ha was just about to punch him in the ribs for throwing him in the lake when Jae Shin brought his hands up to Yong Has face and stroked away the black, wet hair from his cheeks. Yong Ha, slightly taken aback by Jae Shin's behaviour, gazed into Jae Shin's dark brown eyes as Jae Shin leant in and gave

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him such a soft, tender kiss that every word Yong Ha was going to throw at him just melted away. Jae Shin's soft, plushy lips grazed Yong Has so lightly that Yong Ha could have imagined it. He could feel Jae Shin's hands stroking his hair all the way over the head and down his back all the way to the tips that reached his buttocks. Shivers of delight coursed through him as Jae Shin brought one arm around his waist but left the other on around the hips and pulled him into a fierce kiss that seemed to contain all the love he could hold. When Yong Ha couldn’t breath anymore Jae Shin released him and just gazed on his face with those piercing eyes that could only belong one person. Breathlessly Yong Ha opened the eyes he had closed in enjoyment of the kiss and then without knowing it he smiled the most wonderful smile anyone had ever seen on him and opened the floodgates of love that he had closed in his heart long ago. Now they shone through his abyss-black eyes as they were locking Jae Shin's eyes. - “I am Gu Yong Ha and I am all yours...my Goel Oh..” And with a brilliant laughter he released from Jae Shin's grip and threw himself into the water. When he surfaced, he thought he could see Jae Shin's eyes changing colour as they were gazing on Yong Ha. That is love I see in my beloveds eyes, or I would not be Gu Yong Ha. Still locking on Jae Shin's eyes he brought his hands up to smooth away his hair when he heard a distinct hiccup coming from where his lover was standing. With starry eyes and his brilliant laughter again ringing over the lake he went over to Jae Shin and taking his hand he led him to deeper water. - “Hic!”

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ILLUMINATED â&#x20AC;&#x153;Suddenly my eyes are open, Everything comes into focus, We are all illuminated, Lights are shining on our faces, blinding We are, we are, blinding.â&#x20AC;?

Jae Shin rushed through the forest. The sun was setting and he wanted to reach the waterfall before it went down completely. This was the perfect time to go bathing alone. He was very pleased with himself having stumbled across the small lake by chance one day, and ever since he used it as often as he could. There was nothing better than to soak in the clear water just when the sun was setting. This was his private place where he could completely relax and let go of his tedious awareness. He was really looking forward to throwing himself in the water to get rid of the days sweat and grime and to make the cool water clear his head but as he burst through the rim of the forest he stopped short in his tracks. At the edge of the lake he could see a bundle of clothing and in the water a head was sticking out. Someone was already occupying his favourite spot. Annoyed Jae Shin stepped out to claim ownership of the small lake knowing full well that most people would run at the sight of him. But he froze in a step and his jaw dropped as the person in the lake stood up.

Ethereal...

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The first word that sprang to Jae Shin's mind. The intruder was standing with his back to Jae Shin and water reaching just to the hip exposing just a hint of his firm buttocks. His body was unmistakeably male, perfectly proportioned with wide shoulders and narrow hips, lithe and sinewy in a very graceful way. As he moved his hands up to his face Jae Shin could see the muscles play underneath the wet skin. And what a skin, milky white and flawless, absolutely mouthwatering. The person was taking handfuls of water pouring it over his shoulders and neck and Jae Shin's was mesmerized as he followed the movement. He noted every little detail. The indents of his ribs, the grqceful spine, the muscles playing underneath the skin of his arms, the liquid motion of his elegant hands as they were dancing over the body. As much as Jae Shin could see it was undoubtedly a man he had never before seen anything so beautiful. No, divine. That was the word he was searching for. The hair was jet black, perfectly straight and falling all the way down below the waist, the tips just dipping into the water. The mist from the waterfall was spreading in clouds over the surface of the lake all the way to the figure, lending it a magical property. And as the sun was setting the last rays were lingering right on the spot where the ethereal creature was standing. It was if his entire being was lighted from within and the sun made every little drop of water reflect the golden light until Jae Shin was almost blinded. When the heavenly being brought his hands up to pull the hair from the back over the shoulder exposing his naked back Jae Shin's breath got caught in his lungs. The rainbow shimmer on his damp skin made it appear as if he had folded out his wings to take flight. Who was this celestial creature? Pulling a shaky breath Jae Shin leaned forward just a little bit more to try and catch a glimpse of the creatures face and as he did a twig underneath his foot gave way with a classic crack that echoed over the lake. Jae Shin froze like a deer in fright and the creature in the lake, startled by the sound, turned around in the direction of the sound, giving Jae Shin a full

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frontal view of the naked intruder. It could very well be considered the chock of a lifetime as Jae Shin found himself unbelievingly staring into the charcoal black eyes of none other than his best friend of ten years... ....Gu Yong Ha. - “Hic! Hic! Hic!” At the recognition of Yong Ha, Jae Shin couldn’t stop the torrent of hiccups and as he tried to smother them with his hand he let the image of the naked Yong Ha burn into his retina. Never had he seen anything so desirable. Yong Ha was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Supple yet lithe as a willow. Slender but strong as bamboo. Jae Shin's hands twitched with the desire to touch. Small water drops had collected on Yong Ha's skin and face and his luscious lips were slightly parted. Jae Shin was already breathing irregularly but stopped breathing completely as Yong Ha's pink tongue darted out to lick a water drop from his lips. Yong Ha made no sign that he had seen Jae Shin as he was hidden in the shadows but started to move out of the water towards the bundle. His wet hand casually wiping the water droplets of his chest, brushing past his small pointy nipples. Jae Shin could not make his eyes look away. As Yong Ha moved closer to the beach he was revealing more and more of his lovely body and Jae Shin found himself swallowing hard at the sensation that his mouth had gone all dry. But still he could not make himself look away, his eyes were glued to Yong Ha's body. - “Magnificent...” The sound of his own voice brought Jae Shin back to the real world. Blushing furiously he realised that he was very aroused. Very, painfully aroused. Yong Ha, blissfully unaware that Goel Oh, the fear of the campus, was standing ogling him as he took a bath, reached forward to grab a piece of cloth and slowly, leisurely started wiping the wetness. That was too much for Jae Shin who started inching away backwards, careful not to make any sound. After several steps he turned and ran for several

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minutes to get as far away as possible from the scene. He didn't stop until he could hardly breath. He leant on a tree, wiping his sweaty hands on his sides trying to stable his breathing, but replaying the scene in his mind only made his heart beat like crazy again. He scanned the forest for any sign of discovery but his eyes could see nothing except the repeat of Yong Ha's glowing nakedness and that pink tongue teasing the lips.

After the episode at the lake Jae Shin's mind was in a constant state of upheaval. His perfect equilibrium had been scrambled beyond recognition and nothing made sense anymore. And Yong Ha was the vortex. The life he had lived for years and his obsession with his brother and revenge suddenly seemed so utterly insignificant to the image of a luminous Yong Ha rising from the lake. And Jae Shin was ashamed of it. He was ashamed to face his dead brother and admit that maybe someone else was taking his place of importance, he was ashamed because of what he had felt at seeing Yong Ha, who obviously was a man, and most of all he was ashamed because he couldn't make these feelings go away, but rather the opposite they seemed to increase in strength and complexity for each day. So he tried his best to occupy himself with other things. Anything. Yet it was as if he couldn't help himself. Jae Shin's mind was constantly lingering on Yong Ha. Sitting in the class room, reading, talking, going to the market, sleeping, laughing or drinking, every little ordinary thing or extraordinary, Yong Ha was always there in his mind, if not by his side.

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When Yong Ha was not there, Jae Shin couldn't concentrate on anything yet, when he was there right in front of him, he felt prickly and agitated. Jae Shin, used to single emotions at a time acting on them straight away, could not start to comprehend the abyss of feelings Yong Ha created in him. He wanted to hit him and then he wanted to touch him. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Yong Ha's face but when Yong Ha would meet his eyes he had to turn away, as if the mere sight of him was blinding. He desperately wanted to hear his voice, yet when Yong Ha spoke Jae Shin felt as if his voice was resonating inside him, disturbing his balance, causing mild seasickness. He couldn't eat properly, he couldn't think properly and he couldn't relax for a second. It was slowly driving him insane. He was burning with strange emotions and Yong Ha was the center around which they all gravitated. Around which he gravitated. Even now, lodged in his tree drinking alone in the chilly night air, Yong Ha was on his mind. Even now... At least the object of this chaos was nowhere to be seen, he thought while breathing out a sigh in content as it gave him a slight solace. It really is very nice tonight, isn't it? He thought to himself while he could feel his shoulders lowering themselves a little in the start of relaxation. He sunk into the tree enjoying his peace and quiet. Not a person is awake now, he contently thought. Right then, as if some mischievous God had read his mind, Yong Ha swirled in through the gate and into Jae Shins field of view wearing a canary yellow coat that was almost glowing in the dark. As if he on purpose had made it impossible to miss him. Yong Ha seemed to be in a good mood and slightly tipsy for he was singing to himself and occasionally laughing out loud. Jae Shin rather felt, than heard, Yong Ha's pearly laughter dancing in the air. It was vibrating inside him making his blood pump faster, more aggressively. His shoulders immediately went stiff again and he could feel his temperature rising until it became unbearable. For some reason it angered him. He could feel the strange feelings he didn't dare name, raising up inside him like the wind in a sail, filling him and overflowing.

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He took a large gulp of wine. How dare Yong Ha come here and disturb his mind like that? How could he be so carefree and happy when Jae Shins mind was a chaotic mess of unmentioned feelings and wishes he didn't dare name out loud? How dared he waltz around, laughing, making Jae Shins mind into a jumble of thoughts and words until only Yong Ha's presence filled it. How dared he dress in that despicable colour that made his snow white soft skin stand out even more. For each sip of the wine Yong Ha's annoying presence was getting stronger and stronger until he could almost smell him and he realised that he had licked his lips in recalling Yong Ha's innate perfume, that very essence of him that seemed to radiate innocently in a halo around him. Jae Shins mouth was watering at the thought of tasting flesh that smelt like that. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the pure need coursing through him like a torrent, trying to calm the beast inside that had started stirring with Yong Ha's arrival. In the mean time, Yong Ha had danced up to the tree where Jae Shin was lodged and started talking to it.

- “Poor, poor tree...You always have that big brute occupying you, don't you?” “Yes, he is such a brute...he really doesn't know anything does he...” “Oh, Goel Oh, Goel Oh, what shall I do about you?” Yong Ha sighed while slowly caressing the rugged bark of the tree. That last sigh did it for Jae Shin. Watching Yong Ha's plump mouth form a stubborn pout his brain shut down and his body took over in seeming survival as it could take the deprivation of Yong Ha no longer. It had to have that mouth, or it would most likely perish. Before he could stop he launched himself out of the tree like some large cat, on top of the absolutely terrified Yong Ha who fell backwards with Jae Shins weight on top of him. Yong Ha opened his mouth to scream but not a word came out since his assailant jumped him and smothered his open mouth with his own.

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Jae Shin had no idea what he was doing. Before he knew it he was lying on top of Yong Ha, crushing him in his arms and kissing the life out of him, trying to quench that unforgiving thirst that seemed to originate from this being. And it was oh...so...satisfying...and oh...so...arousing. Pressing his hardness against Yong Has leg a feral groan sought its way out through his chest. Leaving Yong Has lips for that white tender skin on his neck Jae Shins suckled so hard on it that it left a red mark until he returned to those luscious, absolutely addictive lips. Not until Yong Ha had gone all limp in his arms did he stop as he slowly realised that Yong Ha had passed out from fear and lack of air. Jae Shin inched back in surprise of his own actions. He had no idea how it had happened. One moment he had been extremely annoyed and the other he was prying his tongue inside Yong Ha's mouth. It had been wrong. Very wrong. And yet...dear lords...he could still feel Yong Ha's plump delicious mouth and that lithe body writhing underneath him. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Now it is official, Moon Jae Shin, you have officially gone insane.â&#x20AC;? Yet still he wanted more.

Feeling lost and very guilty he gathered the poor unconscious Yong Ha on his back, carried him back to his room and slithered out like a snake, before anyone could see him. The rest of that night he spent in redemption of what he had done and fear of tomorrow, while the beast inside him was purring in content.

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The next day Jae Shin decided to take the bull by the horns and even though he feared Yong Ha's sharp tongue he knew he would have to repent for what he had done. So seeking out Yong Ha he started, only to be interrupted by Yong Ha. - â&#x20AC;&#x153;Goel Oh, there you are. I could really use a strong bodyguard these days. You have no idea what happened to me last night!â&#x20AC;? While Yong Ha prattled on in excitement Jae Shin came to the slow realisation that Yong Ha had absolutely no clue to who his assailant was. He had never seen him in the dark. Jae Shin couldn't believe his luck. Usually he would have confessed straight away, no matter the circumstances, but this time all he could feel was relief. Deep, flooding relief. Thanking the mischievous Gods, that had put him in this predicament to begin with, he solemnly promised himself that he would never ever do something like this again. Then smiling, innately thinking that all was back to normal, he kept listening to Yong Ha as they made their way to class. Yes, back to normal. No one needs to know. Keep it a secret. Never again. The words kept ringing in his mind, until he almost believed in them. He thought one time would have been enough to temper this insane craving and he tried to push the reminiscence of Yong Ha's luscious lips against his out of his mind.

He was wrong, so very wrong... How utterly wrong he was. For inside, the beast had awoken. With bloodied teeth it was now pacing back and forward in anticipation... ....of the next time.

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FAN “ I'll give you everything when we kiss, I'll give you everything so that you can never leave me. I'll keep you in my cold heart You are My star, I'm your no.1 fan ”

He hadn’t seen it coming, surprisingly enough for Yong Ha. Just like the first time. Walking through the dim, empty courtyard in late evening, an obscure shadow released from the humid darkness, swooped down on him and violently dragged him into the shadows. The fear icing in his veins at first had instantly turned to molten iron in chock as he was crushed against a steel hard chest and those plushy lips had pressed against his, their breaths mingling. He had known instantly who it was. Unlike the first time. That grip that was hard enough to bruise, those locks of hair sensually brushing past his exposed neck and those soft, voluptuous lips crashing into his with a force threatening to rip his very breath out by sheer willpower. He knew them all too well. It was the very last thing he had expected but the first thing his heart desired. Brutally sandwiched between the chilly stone wall and the scorching hot body there was no escape, as if the thought would ever have occurred to him. All he could do was close his eyes, give in and wish it would never stop.

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Then, just as quickly as he had appeared, the shadow was gone and Yong Ha found himself all alone. Desperately leaning against the wall, seeking support, he exasperatingly tried to pull the chilly night air into his lungs. Minutes passed before he could stable his breathing, or heart, and his knees felt terrifyingly weak and unsupportive, as much from the first notion of fear as to the latter arousal. Finally, gathering his dishevelled clothing around him and making his way out of the shadows he brushed his thumb past his bruised lips, where a mischievous smile was starting to form. - “Gu Yong Ha…life just turned interesting, didn’t it?...” And for the first time in a very, very long time, he didn’t feel even slightly bored.

Yong Ha was both amused and confused, a combination not often occurring in the clever boy. The two feelings conflicted inside him, causing an unfilled frustration that was increasing for each day, and night. He couldn’t understand it. During the nights they would do things that could make even the seasoned Yong Ha blush in recalling and during the day it was as if the nights did not exist. They carried on in their life as if nothing had changed. Did he not know that Yong Ha knew who it was? He couldn’t possibly think that it was a secret any longer? To Yong Ha? He almost felt insulted and frustrated and annoyed and confused and …amused. And since when had both of them become such good actors? Since when had the honest, talks-with-his-body Goel-Oh, become such a good actor? Yong Ha thought he had known him inside out yet he managed to surprise Yong Ha each evening with his boldness, aggressiveness and the sheer strength of his desire. Yong Ha was also amazed at how easily Jae Shin could pretend innocence during the day. It was as if he was a human during the day and something else entirely during the nights, something much more vicious.

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The thought of the gentle Jae Shin as vicious was slightly shocking. But what shocked him most was his own response. He had always held a desire for his best friend, after all, Jae Shin was absolutely, sinfully made to be loved with those smouldering eyes, those plush lips and that strong, carved body of his. But the intensity of his own reactions when Jae Shin kissed him, was terrifying him. It was as if each caress, each embrace held an acute need that Yong Ha himself had not been aware of, until now. And it stayed with him even after each nightly meeting, never leaving him. To the point of annoyance. Yes, Yong Ha was infinitely amused, and slightly, slightly annoyed. How was it possible that Jae Shin could stand mere inches away from Yong Ha during the day, with the memories of the earlier night, and not start breathing faster, feeling his heart race and the heat pooling in his abdomen, as Yong Ha did. How come it was only Yong Ha that seemed to come out breathless from each encounter? And why, why was it starting to bother Yong Ha so much? Just the mere thought of those hands roaming across his body and those heated lips plushly trailing his neck was making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Then again, maybe it was for the best. For when this would all stop they could just pretend like nothing had ever happened and still be friends. It was not like they were lovers, anyway. Laughing embarrassedly, he had realised one day that he was taking such a long time to choose what to wear for the evening that he was behaving just like a girl in love, about to meet her lover. When he had looked in the mirror to correct his clothing he had realised that his eyes were glittering and his cheeks were flushed in anticipation. He had looked away. Lover....He tasted the word and then discarded it with a cynical chuckle. Yes, he could dream and dress in his best, but that word belonged in a different world. No matter how they kissed or touched in the dark, it was a word that none of them would be able, or want, to ever utter. Yes, he would keep that word and the emotion away from his mind and heart and just indulge in what he could have, for the short time he would have it. Just like he had always done.

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Yes, Gu Yong Ha was only moved if you could entertain him. And right now, he was most definitely entertained. Yet, he was not satisfied. He could not understand it. He had always thought that the day he finds something that will entertain him to no ends, that would be the day he would be content. Yet...he could feel something crawling under his skin. It had started as a slight tickle of his mind, grown to a scratch and it was becoming unbearable. As if every nightly encounter added to both his pleasure and discontent. How peculiar, he thought. If I didn't know any better I would say that I am in love. And then he had laughed so hard that tears had come into his eyes and he had to wipe them away. What an idiotic thought, Gu Yong Ha, in love. And he had kept laughing and wiping until his cloth had been soaked. The next night found him sitting on the ground, still wiping his tears but without laughing this time. In the midst of their desperate caresses, Yong Ha had fleetingly wished he could see Jae Shins eyes. To see the look in his eyes, and to make him see Yong Ha. A fierce sense of exclusivity had burst into his mind and stayed. After Goel Oh had disappeared in the shadows once more, Yong Ha had flopped to the ground in his dishevelled clothes and had realised what was missing and the reason he was terrified of his reaction.

- â&#x20AC;&#x153;See me...only me...â&#x20AC;? The words swirling in his mind were frightening him to no end.

For Gu Yong Ha had finally realised that he was indeed, in love. Violently, passionately in love. And because of that, these nightly meetings had to end, now. Before they would destroy him.

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HOWL “If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart ”

He was a starving wolf. His mind focusing on one thing, and one thing only. Gu. Yong. Ha. Gu Yong Ha...he savoured the words, as he could feel the now familiar desire fill his body to the brim. Gu Yong Ha...and his hand formed a fist and whacked into the tree without mercy. He could feel the raw crack in his knuckles as they hit a too hard surface, but it soothed him. A little. It had been 11 days already, that Yong Ha had managed to avoid him. The first days he had wondered. The following days he had paced. Now he was only hungering. Jae Shin was hungering like mad for Yong Ha. To mark him, to drag his nails across that responsive cream skin, leaving red marks. Hungering to taste him, to suck on his soft lips until blood filled them red. Yes how very wrong he had been promising never to touch Yong Ha again. After that first time he couldn’t help himself anymore. He had to seek out Yong Ha, just as a wolf tasting blood, once, can never let it go again.

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Always at night, always in the sedative darkness, hiding in his pretence of anonymity. The thirst that would be somewhat filled by the evening before, just increased for every hour of daylight, until it was numbing his mind to anything else. He longed for the dark to fall, like a beast longed to sink his sharp teeth into warm flesh. It was gnawing on his inside making him painfully restless, making him snap at people, making him unable to concentrate. As night fell, he would stalk him soundlessly like a predator, as Yong Ha would walk back from the village, unawares of the eyes upon him. Then he would wait for the opportune moment to attack, swiftly, brutally, leaving them both flustered, ferociously panting and with an unforgiving craving burning in their chests and loins. It was so intoxicating, so vivid, so enticing. He had never, never felt as alive. As hard as he tried he couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop himself from seeking him out, every night. And before he knew it, it had become a habit. A habit he didn't want to break. So Yong Ha had done it for him.

Jae Shin was lodged in his tree as usual, drinking. Inside, his violent part was roaming free, pacing, demanding, but Jae Shin had no answers to give him. He had already finished one bottle trying to calm the beast but it had done little good. Maybe it had even made it worse. Yong Ha had abandoned him. It was the only conclusion he could make out of it. Yong Ha had played him and then abandoned him for Ha In Soo, and the thought made him almost empty the second bottle.

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The vision of Yong Ha entertaining the student president, maybe in the same way he had entertained himself with Jae Shin, was food for his inner demon. Jae Shin was ferociously drawing up imaginary scenarios in his mind. Yong Ha, flushed and half dressed, panting and moaning Ha In Soo's name. Yong Ha, dishevelled, with those opulent lips caught against Ha In Soo's mouth. Yong Ha's hands roaming across a half naked Ha In Soo's chest and further down. It was all enough to make him crush the bottle, liquid spilling over his pants. Yong Ha was his. He would give him to no one, especially not noron fools. Yes, he had gone past the shame and the mind games. His inner beast had made it easy. Gu Yong Ha was his, and his alone, and the next time he would see him he would make sure Gu Yong Ha would know. Yes, next time, Yong Ha would not be able to escape...

Almost on queue, as if to fuel Jae Shin's thoughts, Yong Ha fluttered into his sight, promptly followed by the entire noron entourage. The deep red coat he was wearing was dancing around his legs as he laughed at something random. He was a feast for Jae Shin's starved mind. He was positively tantalising as he whirled around and grabbed the shoulder of Ha In Soo with his dexterous slim fingers, as if to enhance something he was saying. Scorching jealousy, as red as Yong Ha's coat, was burning in Jae Shin's veins as he watched Ha In Soo lean into Yong Ha, smiling. Jae Shin's mind was going wild, replaying all his earlier imaginary visions.

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- “Ha In Soo...” Yong Ha voicing the name out loud made Jae Shin's mind abandon himself to the vicious beast. Leaping out of his hiding place he immediately went for the student president and with a feral growl grabbed him by the collar and let him have a taste of Goel Oh's famous fists. It took all four norons to hold him down whilst Yong Ha just stood on the side, smile vanished and with his large black eyes full of confusion. - “Goel Oh!! What the hell do you think you are doing?” - “Stop it...are you crazy...” - “are you drunk?” - “Goel Oh!!” Everyone was screaming over each other, whilst trying to hold the berserking Jae Shin back. Until Yong Ha stepped in. - “Let him go and leave here...I will deal with him...” Yong Ha's clear voice broke through the chaos and everyone was more than willing to comply. Everyone knew that the only one who could control Goel Oh was Yong Ha. So, tentatively, as if he was a wild horse, they let Jae Shin go and then backed off, slowly, while they gathered up the dazed Ha In Soo. Then they ran. Left standing in the dusk was an uncharacteristically grave and silent Yong Ha and a ferociously panting Jae Shin. - “Geol Oh?” Yong Ha's voice was inquisitive. “What has gotten into you?” Yong Ha took a step forward as if to grab Jae Shin's arm, but Jae Shin beat him to it. Turning around he grabbed Yong Ha's collar in a choke hold and brutally pressed his mouth over Yong Ha's. Not enough, not nearly enough. As soon as his body had felt the release of lips against lips it also released the last hold on sanity. Breathing raggedly, Jae Shin released Yong Ha's lips and pulling, nearly dragging, him towards the dark part of the wall behind the building he again crashed his lips against Yong Ha's, completely smothering him against the wall.

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- “Ah!” Yong Ha's breath was knocked out of him as he was thrown against the wall. Yes, this is it. Jae Shin could feel his body as a wound up coil with Yong Ha as the key. More, give me more. Jae Shin ripped the hat off Yong Ha, snagging the snood at the same time, making Yong Ha's hair spill out. His white neck standing out against the red coat and the black hair, inviting Jae Shin to taste it. His head dipped forward, nipping the skin of the throat coaxing a shiver to rip through Yong Ha, leaving small goosebumps in its wake. Skin, give me more. He continued with the belt of Yong Ha's vest, ripping the cord and then unceremoniously continuing tearing the flimsy silk to the side, unfolding Yong Ha's delectable skin underneath. Not wasting another second Jae Shin furled himself on Yong Ha caressing that soft flesh and licking his way to Yong Ha's lips. Jae Shin's teeth scraped against Yong Ha's supple lips and as Yong Ha gasped for breath Jae Shin took over his mouth, pressing his tongue inside the moist cavern. It was more than intoxicating. The taste of Yong Ha was cloying Jae Shin's mind until all he could think about was to have more of it. His hands were burrowing into Yong Ha's lithe body, as his tongue was licking trails over the yielding skin sending waves of shivers to his groin. Like a wild animal in heat he couldn't keep from moaning into Yong Ha's neck as his arousal was digging into Yong Ha's hip. He wouldn't stop now. He couldn’t stop. He wasn't going to stop. Yong Ha was struggling in his grip trying to free himself but being lodged against the wall was limiting his movements and before his brain even registered, Jae Shin had grabbed a hold of his wrists with his impossibly strong hands and pinned them to the wall above his head.

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A soft growl escaped Jae Shin's lips as he moved in again with his teeth on Yong Ha's throat. In a remote corner of his mind he could hear Yong Ha pant in excitement as he started nibbling, his teeth stopping just short of breaking skin. - “Goel Oh...” Feeling Yong Ha arch into him and moan, Jae Shin noticed that he was not the only one hard as a rock. That was all the invitation Jae Shin needed. Flipping Yong Ha around against the wall, so hard that his cheek was scraping against the cold stone, Jae Shin grabbed the collar of Yong Ha's dishevelled coat and tugging wildly it came down over his shoulder exposing the tender flesh. Pressing towards Yong Ha he started biting and nibbling and sucking that smooth flesh that seemed to taunt him so. The trail of red bite marks was making him contently smile against the skin. He wanted to mark him. Mark him so all would know who he belonged to. Images of Yong Ha and Ha In Soo was still playing in his mind fuelling his anger, bringing him to a place of almost violence. The only word that made any sense in his clouded mind was...

Mine. Yong Ha was his. His to mark. His to have. Still holding Yong Ha's wrists in an iron grip he shifted them to one hand while the other hand started ravaging it ways to Yong Ha's pants. With a violent rip the cord broke and the pants dropped to Yong Ha's feet. - “Goel Oh? What are you doing?” Yong Ha's voice, which seconds ago had been tinted with heavy lust, now displayed a panicked pitch. Jae Shin breathed heatedly into his ears and groaned as he pressed his arousal against Yong Ha's behind. - “Stop it Goel Oh...this....this is not funny...” Yong Ha struggled against Jae Shin but he was far to strong and absorbed into lust to notice Yong Ha's

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attempts. Instead Jae Shin moaned as Yong Ha's movements made his bare butt press against Jae Shin's rock hard arousal. - “Stop it..” Yong Ha was now violently struggling to get out of the Jae Shin's hold but Jae Shin was not responding. Instead, fumbling with his own cord he could finally feel his pants pooling around his legs and his painful arousal was freed from its prison. Once again pressing against Yong Ha he groaned at the sinful pleasure of his heated flesh against Yong Ha's smooth naked buttocks. - “No, don’t ...Goel Oh, oh...please don’t...” Somewhere far away he could hear Yong Ha panicked pleading with a raspy voice that he could hardly recognise. - “Oh, please don’t...I have never..” Take him.. Not being able to wait a moment longer he grabbed Yong Ha's hip with the free hand and guiding his hardness he aligned himself and pushed with all his might. Yong Ha's small opening resisted him for a few moments and then suddenly it yielded and Jae Shin slipped in with the tip of his erection drawing a high pitched cry of pain from Yong Ha. Muffling Yong Ha with his hand he slowly continued to push further in, forcing the narrow opening to widen and spread around the intrusion. - “Oh, God..” Jae Shin was seeing stars. Desperately moving his hand from Yong Ha's wrists to his thigh he clamped down hard enough to bruise and moaned into his hair. Breathing raggedly at the intense pleasure of entering Yong Ha he stopped pushing for several seconds to regain some semblance of control. - “t..oooo....muuu....ch...” Yong Ha's words were choked against Jae Shin's hand. Feebly trying to shake of Jae Shin's grip Yong Ha only managed to make Jae Shin's grip even harder as he needed to constrain him at the acute feeling of Yong Ha closing in on his swollen flesh.

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Yong Ha was so tight and warm that Jae shin thought he was going to explode right then. He breathed with a heavy rasping sound, but he didn't move, couldn't move as he knew he would be finished if he did. - “Yong Ha...you..your...oooh” Jae Shin's chest heaved against Yong Ha's back as he tried to regain his breath. After a few moments he could feel Yong Ha's passage slowly starting to embrace him, yielding to his shaft and he slowly started to press deeper, and deeper still. - “No..aaaaaah..God...please stop..too deep...aaaaaaah” Yong Ha's muffled pleadings against his hand sounded somewhat less eager than before. Yong Ha had stopped his struggle, as he could not move, completely impaled by Jae Shin and forced up against the wall. The thought of stopping crossed Jae Shin's mind, as Yong Ha had voiced it, but he hastily threw it to the side. As if Jae Shin would be able to stop now. The feeling of Yong Ha was like a drug, clouding his logics making him want more and more. More, I want more... As soon as he had regained some of his control Jae Shin moved back his hips, his hard shaft withdrawing a little. He trembled as the effort of restraint was almost too much to bear, and as he pressed back he leant in and licked the nape of Yong Ha's neck. It was slightly sweaty despite the coolness of the air and the salty taste was sending waves of desire though Jae Shin. - “Yong Ha...God..” Jae Shin could only breath a throaty growl into his neck as he continued moving his hips. - “nnngaahhhhhhhh...aaah...aaaahh” Yong Ha was crying out, moaning, breathing in and out in short staccato like movements against Jae Shin's hand, as Jae Shin kept moving in and out of him. Soon Jae Shin removed his hand from Yong Ha's mouth as he was burning to touch more of his flesh and with his free hand he grabbed Yong Ha's waist in an iron grip. Thrusting his hips upwards he pushed even further in with a resounding growl.

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- “nnnnnnnnnnnahhhh..Goel Oh....too....deeeeeeep..aaaaaaah” Yong has hoarse voice broke as Jae Shin withdrew and again plunged himself deeper, drawing another cry from Yong Ha while Yong Ha's hands were clawing into the stone wall. Jae Shin's hand snaked around Yong Ha's chest and brushed against his nipples, involuntary drawing a moan from Yong Ha. Jae Shin found himself being enormously aroused by the small noises of Yong Ha and in an attempt to draw even more he brought his hand down to Yong Ha hard flesh and circled around it. This made Yong Ha gasp and cry out at being teased both inside and outside. Jae Shin kept licking and sucking on Yong Ha's exposed skin in the neck as his hips seemed to be moving on their own. Jae Shin knew he would not last much longer. Sweat pouring down his temples he pressed deeper than ever with accelerating strokes and Yong Ha cried out. Bringing his free hand up to clamp around the chest and shoulder of Yong Ha, locking him into position he started a hard, punishing rhythm of strokes making Yong Ha moan and writhe under him. - “Goel Oh...aaaaaah....ahhh..too..muuuch...oh God...don't stoooop...” Yong Ha spoke in gasps as he arched his back, moving with Jae Shin and sounding as lost in lust as Jae shin felt. Increasing his rhythm on Yong Ha's hard flesh Jae Shin could feel Yong Ha stiffen under him with the beginnings of his release. This was enough encouragement for Jae Shin who started thrusting violently against Yong Ha's shuddering body. As Jae Shin was clinging to the edge he kept slamming desperately against Yong Ha when suddenly Yong Ha tensed up, arched into Jae Shin and a series of choked screams erupted from his throat. Jae Shin kept moving his hand on Yong Ha's flesh as he felt his seed spurting through his fingers, coaxing out the last tremors. Jae Shin wished he could have seen Yong Ha's face as he climaxed, what a sight it must have been. Barely coherent at the intense feelings, Jae Shin made a breathy growl in Yong Ha's ear as he could feel him spasm around Jae Shin's shaft, pushing him that last little bit towards release.

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Jae Shin lost what little control he had and pushing himself as far in as he could he howled out Yong Ha's name, almost sobbing from the intense release as he could feel of himself grow larger and then explode inside Yong Ha as he pulsating spilled his seeds in the narrow passage. Jae Shin, still twitching inside Yong Ha, collapsed on top of him, breathing hard as his head was spinning.

After what seemed like and eternity he slipped out of Yong Ha, who slumped against the wall and slided down to the ground, his dishevelled clothing pooling around him. Jae Shin's legs felt like rubber. He leant on the wall with one hand, trying to steady himself but as the black dots played in front of his eyes he abruptly sat down next to Yong Ha with a thud. In the darkness he couldn’t make out Yong Ha's face but he could hear him breathing as raggedly as Jae Shin himself was doing. For minutes they just sat there, the only sound their breathing and the noises of night. Jae Shin's head was still buzzing in pleasure when Yong Ha turned around and gave him a right fist to the jaw that would have clocked a weaker man. - “You bastard! Why the hell did you have to do that, eh?” Yong Ha was absolutely furious. “You despicable Bastard! I should flog you .....” Jae Shin's head was still ringing from the hit as he turned to the enraged Yong Ha. - “Yong H..” His words were cut short by another fist, this time though not near as hard as Yong Ha suddenly doubled over in a gasp of pain, falling over Jae Shin. - “Yong Ha? What happened? Are you ok?” Jae Shin's voice had a slight streak of panic as Yong Ha wasn't moving anymore. “Yong Ha?”

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- “Just..just give me a second...” Yong Ha managed to gasp out. “It just a little sore....from...you were pretty rough...before..” - “I'm..I'm....” Jae Shin didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought about the mechanics of taking Yong Ha at all, but had acted on instinct. But now that he thought about it, he could have hurt Yong Ha seriously. Suddenly he felt like the bastard Yong Ha was calling him. Yong Ha was still uncomfortably sprawled across Jae Shins legs when he spoke, his voice strained, almost breaking. - “Why...did you do it? ...Why?” - “I...” “...it was...” “I don't know..” It was the honest reply Jae Shin had. He really had no clue to why he had taken Yong Ha like that. All he knew was that he hadn't been able to stop it. - “I wanted you...and you...and I just..wanted...” It was the most pathetic excuse Jae Shin himself had ever heard and he cringed on the inside for not having a better on, as if it would make a difference, anyway. - “You wanted..?” Even in the dark Jae Shin could hear the surprise in Yong Ha's voice. “you wanted ME?” - “Yes, yes I wanted you desperately.” Frustratedly Jae Shin pulled his hands through his hair as he admitted to his deepest darkest secret. “Until I could no longer think....” Jae Shin leant backwards to the cold wall as if it would be able to clear his head from this mess. Silence ruled Yong Ha for a long time as he seemed to ponder what Jae Shin had just told him. Then he rose himself from the awkward position, leant forward and finally whispered.

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- “If you had told me...I would...” “I would have given it...willingly...Goel Oh” Yong Ha's breath against his ear and his vibrating voice made Jae Shin involuntary close his eyes and lean into the shiver that travelled down his throat. Then the words struck him! Opening his eyes and whipping his head around he almost collided with Yong Ha's mouth. What had Yong Ha said? Yong Ha didn't move but kept his face only millimeters away from Jae Shin, something he found very distracting as he was trying to focus on the words. - “...more than willingly...” - “Wha..?” Jae Shin opened his mouth but as he found he didn't have any words his plush lips just formed an O. - “and then I wouldn't have had to live through this hell for two weeks, you bastard...” Yong Ha's hushed voice rose in volume until he practically screamed, and then he clocked Jae Shin right over that jaw again. Jae Shin, dazed from both the words and the hit, just looked at Yong Ha unable to comprehend. - “And while we are on the subject you could have been a little bit more careful...It was my first time, you bastard!” - “Fir...fir...first time?” Jae Shin stumbled across his words as the realisation hit him. “What do you mean fir..first time?” - “You idiot...it was my first time doing this...what do you think....” Yong Ha continued still furious. “and it hurt like hell...” - “What? Your fir...first time having...” Jae Shin couldn't for his life finish the sentence. What did Yong Ha mean. How could it be his first time? Wasn't he the largest playboy of Joseon?

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- “Yes...my first time E.V.E.R !” Yong Ha's anger was increasing as he started to realise that Jae Shin must have believed otherwise. “what do you take me for? You think I do it with everything that moves? Is that what you think?” Yong Ha's voice broke before he had finished his discourse. Jae Shin recognised the pitch in Yong Ha's voice, and it was wrenching his heart. - “Well..no..but I thought..” Jae Shin realised that everything he could say now would just sound stupid or insulting. In the dark he could hear Yong Ha draw a shaky breath and surprisingly it was making his eyes tear up. “Life is simple. It is only us who make it complicated” Suddenly the wise words from the Analects rang in Jae Shins head, making painful sense. Why had they never made that much sense before? Why now, of all times. What is it that makes us unable to communicate? Why is it that we can spew harsh words easily, but not tell someone how precious they are to you? Jae Shin was at a loss. He could feel his entire life as a perfectly wound up thread on a bobbin and the appearance of Yong Ha had unwounded him into chaotic nest, his mind going everywhere and his body following. He could feel the importance of Yong Ha, the weight of his presence in Jae Shins life. Yet, he was unable to tell him in any other words than the physical act he had just forced on him. Yet, in all this mess there was one thing that had stood out so clearly. His inner beast had know all along what it wanted. It had wanted Yong Ha. With a force that was terrifying. And, on the contrary of Jae Shin, it had not hesitated even a second when given the chance. Yong Has words came back as a torrent sweeps through a forest, cleansing the trees of their leaves.

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- “I would...have given it...willingly” Jae Shins mind was void and Yong Has words were the filling. Maybe it wasn't so complicated after all? - “Yong Ha?” Jae Shins hand sought him in the dark and when his hand reached the ripped silk of Yong Has vest he already knew what to do. He grasped Yong Ha's shoulder while his other hand wrapped around his back and in the blink of an eye, Yong Ha found himself wrapped in the crushing embrace of a half naked, determined Goel Oh. Jae Shin knew he was right now. This was where Yong Ha belonged, in his arms. Does it have to be more complex than that? Grasping him even harder as his heart squeezed a little, he could hear Yong Ha voice out a breathless protest. - “I won't let you go...” That was all Jae Shin said and it effectively stopped Yong Ha's feeble struggle. “I...” “I can't...let you go..” Somehow those small honest words seemed to contain everything he felt. All the chaotic emotions and assumptions seemed to blend into the background as he had voiced it out loud. Yes, it is simple, he thought as Yong Ha's body slowly, slowly started to relax in his grip and when his graceful hands came up around Jae Shins back and softly touched him, Jae Shin silently let his tears flow. This was what he had needed all along. His beast was now purring in content, and the violence was just a lingering memory. What is it that makes us unable to say out loud how much someone means to us, yet, holding them can tell a thousand words? Why is it that our inner beast know what they want, without thinking?

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And why is it that they have to courage to act on it when we are cowering in the dark, refusing to accept? Jae Shin could not answer these questions even as he was thinking them, but he knew that it did not really matter. For Yong Ha was in his arms, and he would not ever again let him go. - “Goel Oh?” Yong Ha's voice was slightly muffled against Jae Shins shoulder. “Geol...no...Jae Shin?” As Yong Ha switched to his name he could feel his heart fill and flow over, just in the same way his eyes were. Slightly releasing his grip he sought Yong has lips and tenderly kissed him until he could breath no longer. Then he smiled, as he realised that his beast was maybe content and purring right now, but under the surface the almost violence was already pooling. Though, the next time, he would bring out Yong Ha's beast too. He was already looking forward to it. Then he bent in for another kiss on those absolutely sinful, plump lips that belonged to his Yong Ha.

Yes, when life gets too complicated, leave to your inner beasts to make it simple again... .....and maybe, just maybe you will learn something about yourself in the process...

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