SCAPE SELF SEPTEMBER 2014 PAOLO ANCHETA
The Science of Change and The Art of Getting By
GAME, SET & MATCH
Who am I? What are my dreams and aspirations?
Theories on Change, and What do I want to change in myself?
The A-List
A little bit more about myself; and the things I hate
The Lights and Sounds Crew My supporting crew, and my country
SELFSCAPE ISSN: 091230934 P 100 only
Juan Paolo A. Ancheta, PSY 101-A
I always had fond memories of the open--it was the very first Grand Slam of the year. I would wake up everyday going to school feeling great, knowing that there was this whole other thing going on on a separate part of the world. I remember watching Sharapova, Nadal and Federer in those classics, and eagerly going home to watch the Australian Open unfold before my very eyes.
IMG from: http://www.ausopen.com/en_AU/news/galleries/2013-12-23/20131223.html (Getty Imgaes)
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Game, Set & Match
Who am I? How am I the way I am? What are my dreams, goals, and aspirations? How can I accomplish these dreams?
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The A-List
A little bit more on who I am- strengths, weaknesses; and other things.
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The Science of Change, and the Art of Getting By What do I want to change in myself? How can I effect these changes?
SELFSCAPE
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The Lights and Sounds Crew
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A Final Word
What in your past influenced the kind of person that you are right now—significant persons, events, experiences and memories, behaviors rewarded or punished,and the like. How were you affected or influenced by these? How can I help build the Filipino nation?
SELFSCAPE
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Sometimes you’re just happy playing. Some people, some media, unfortunately, don’t understand that it’s okay just to play tennis and enjoy it. They always think you have to win everything, it always needs to be a success story, and if it’s not, obviously, what is the point? Maybe you have to go back and think, Why have I started playing tennis? Because I just like it. It’s actually sort of a dream hobby that became somewhat of a job. Some people just don’t get that, ever. - RF
WHO AM I?
Game, Set & Match. by Paolo Ancheta
GAME.
If anyone asked me to describe myself in one word, it’d be competitive. I think I’ve been that way ever since I could remember. There was just something about the concept of a competition—winning and losing, and everything else around it, that drew me towards it. You can even say that I was competitive to a fault—I’d always find ways to make anything into a competition—practice games, long tests, anything; and I loved it. It sort of became something akin to an obsession, and those who probably haven’t met me could guess that I was this overbearing person who was probably terrible at losing; someone who easily lost interest in the mundane and non-competitive. And for a while, I actually was like that—being competitive defined my personality and attitude in the succeeding years.
rationalization, along with a kid’s ego don’t do well together—I talked back a lot, fought for my point of view, and kept my mind closed to almost everybody else’s opinions. It wasn’t that I was spiteful or naturally disrespectful—it was just that I didn’t like losing. Conversations and the everyday stuff however, eventually became an unhealthy avenue for a competitive person like me. Having no outlets or extra-curricular activities meant turning those everyday things into competitions. Admittedly, at some point, I started to realize how much of a factor I was in creating those fights andthe negative things I got involved in. See the same way competitive, egotistical kids like getting all of the credit for winning; the same way they hate blaming themselves for losing—or in this case, starting fights. Realizing that was the first step, and although my arguing eventually died down a little as I grew up, I still didn’t have an avenue or anything to be passionate about. It eventually took years until I found something I liked that I was actually decent at—and that’s when I met tennis.
SET.
Sports were pivotal in changing Being competitive meant, well, that I hated losing—which was probably why I got into how I related with others. I minimized my a lot of fights and arguments when I was a backtalk, and learned about restraint—I now kid. Competition drove rationalization, and had a better avenue for expressing my love for SELFSCAPE
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CHAMPION: $3,000,000 FINALIST: $1,450,000 SEMIFINALIST: $730,000 QUARTERFINALIST: $370, 250 4th ROUND: $187,300 3rd ROUND: $105, 090 2nd ROUND: $60,420 1st ROUND: $35, 754
Php 65, 250,000 Php 32, 850,000 php 16, 661,250 php 8, 428,500 php 4, 729, 050 php 2, 718,900 php 1, 608,930
Simply put, a player who qualifies for the US Open Main Draw can earn up to Php 1,608,930 even if he or she loses immediately in the tournament. competing. It didn’t come easy though, playing; the competition, the people I’ll meet, and not but instead of blaming some other factors, being to mention the prize money involved in having competitive pushed me to try and better myself. playing as a career. Having tennis in my life sort of defined myattitude and goals, and dreams; playing an individual sport helped a lot with how I dealt with wins, losses; the mindset, and the decision-making. I wanted to become a professional tennis player. I loved everything about it—the travelling, SELFSCAPE
Being out on court and playing in front of all those people, representing my country and playing the sport I love—it felt right. And even though I didn’t think much of it realistically, it felt like a good dream to have; to at least have a goal up that high meant that I was at least pushing my limits further.
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I decided to join some amateur-level tournament in my local club. It was just one of those things that I needed to do to feel like I was moving towards my goal or something. Tennis at that point felt like something alien to me— playing it during practice and actually playing to win against another guy who also wanted to win were obviously two different things. I had around 5 matches, and since it was an
amateur-leveled tournament, I could face anyone from my age to a guy in his forty’s. My first ever, competitive tennis match was against a guy in his thirty’s. I could tell that he wasn’t that good, but then so was I; it was an amateur-leveled tournament, after all. With my parents, and a few other people there watching, the match went a bit something like this.
FLASHBULB MEMORY The first few games I started feeling nauseous because of my nerves, which really bothered me since I never get nervous enough to feel sick, even during public speeches and all. I tried to block it all out, but my game started to fall apart. I guess I completely forgot that tennis was also a psychological game and that even all the good tennis pro’s sometimes had to face just more than one opponent during their matches.The internal struggle however wasn’t making it any easier. I continued making more unforced errors as I balanced dealing with my opponent and trying to go through my game. The match at that point was quickly slipping away from me. 5-2 Omar. The last few games The greatest upsets in tennis always involved underdogs overcoming the odds, the crowd, and higher-ranked opponents. The underdogs I figured always had something in common– they played as if they had nothing to lose. In my case, the nothing-to-lose attitude came as a result of having already accepted that my opponent would eventually win the match. However, having nothing to lose meant that I had nothing to be nervous for or about, and with that I started making lesser errors and getting more winners, enough for me to win two games in a row. 7-5 Omar. Game 13 It was at this point wherein I began thinking about a comeback as a realistic goal. I began recalling some of the most thrilling tennis comebacks I’ve seen on TV, and picturing myself up there, in that type of situation. I now had something to hold on to which unfortunately, also meant that I now had something to lose as well. I came especially close to dropping serve as I began becoming nervous again, but I managed to hold on. The only problem was that he still had the advantage, and I now had everything to lose. 7-7 Omar. The Tiebreaker Everything I’d learned from the pro’s and how they played during tiebreakers now felt useless. I didn’t know what to do. Comebacks are only as good as the end result, and well, I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to have that comeback. I was still nervous even though I knew I had the momentum going into the tiebreaker. I did everything to keep my mental strength from derailing – jump, shake my head, scream on the inside, whisper things in British after every error, talk strategy and game plan with myself; basically just trying to avoid overthinking every shot. I tried getting angry, and pumping my fists (discretely, of course) after every winner I made, and error he made. SELFSCAPE
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I felt a bit better after getting my first lead in the match, which was at 5-3 in the tiebreaker. I was two points away from victory and I knew it; but now I couldn’t help but remember the loser in the comeback stories I’d recalled earlier– the ones who choked away something similar to the lead that I had now. I eventually got to match point at 6-3, and won by another unforced error from my opponent. It was one of the worst matches I had every played, and yet I somehow managed to win, 8-7(3). The initial impact it had on me was completely negative – I was still nauseous and fell quiet as we went home; even as everyone congratulated me for the comeback I had made in my first match, despite being down 3-7. The positive impacts wouldn’t come until after a while.
PHILTA Rankings as of June 30, 2011 - 18 Years and Under Boys 120. AMISTAD, Brian Nicocio 121. AMOR, Ed Daryl 122. ANABIEZA, James Ryan
123. ANCHETA, Juan Paolo 124. ANIDA, Joseph Raymund 125. ANIDA, Vincent Jerome
Roland Garros will always hold a special place in my heart as my favorite Grand Slam. There’s just something about the terre battue, the late nights, and maybe even the long, four month-wait after the Australian Open that just makes it so special. I would always stay up late with the matches, and slept as the RG gates closed. I loved the drama, the endless sliding on court, and of course--the loud, rude, and sometimes misunderstood French crowd.
IMG from: http://www.rolandgarros.com/en_FR/news/galleries/2014-05-20/201405201400603412204.html (c) FFT
MATCH. I didn’t realize what that
few goals in the future. I dreamt of owning my own franchise of the Association of Tennis match had meant until I was about to play my Players (ATP) tour by staging an annual tournanext one; it meant that I was capable of being ment here in the Philippines. I could also write mentally strong when facing competition and or work in anything that involved tennis, which adversity. It was the kind of experience one rewould still allow me to travel around and see members during the most pressure-oriented sitthose tournaments as well. uations, and it certainly helped me get through to that level of tennis, and more. I lost my Eventually, the confidence that tennis gave me next match (well this one was a national-level spread out onto how I dealt with my social istournament for 16 & under, singles) 0-6, 1-6 sues. It’s also helped me manage my passion against a guy just a year older than me. This and introduce this whole new mindset that I time, I didn’t have a complete breakdown, nor was able to apply onto all the other facets of my did I have to will myself on using literary charlife. It was one of the recurrent themes in my acters and references – my mind was somewhat growing up--it would come up when my family clearer. and I talked about it; and even just the mindset, when I took exams or dealt with problems. It’s still an ongoing process, and that step was particularly important in my growing up and The social facilitation theories presented by how I dealt with or looked at things. Triplett, Allport, and Michaels was also sort of pivotal in my playing. I liked having othI was able to challenge myself further, and aler people see what I was good at; it felt like though I can’t really give all the credit to my a reward--them watching me. I always played first tennis match for my future successes, it either extremely well or bad whenever there was certainly instrumental at least for my tennis were people watching. The wathcing, however career – I got into PHILTA (Philippine Lawn reinforced my growing up on the tennis courtTennis Association), the national tennis league -it was like all the change that I went through right after. and hardwork I put into bettering myself was all worth it. I eventually had to drop out of the league due to academics and well, the fact that having a professional tennis career was never realistic enough to begin with. I still loved the sport though—which is why it’s shaped my other SELFSCAPE
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strengths
THE A-LIST
competitive creative athletic team player works well under pressure observing-analyzing details rationalizing
weaknesses
overly competitiv closed-minded lazy impatient trouble with leadership roles keeping a conversation going shy over-rationalizing
THE A-LIST
the list.
SELFSCAPE
On my work ethic. I think people usually get judged based on how they work with other people and deal with their responsibilities. I listed being lazy as one of my weaknesses, but truth is, I’m really not that lazy. I just procrastinate. A lot. The procrstination goes hand-in-hand with working well under pressure. Years of procrastinating in school have pretty much done wonders for my testing abilities and speed in completing tasks--like being able to complete a research paper on the day of the deadline itself. Although it’s something of a skill that I like having, people usually mistake that for being lazy, and me for being a freeloader.
ok piece of work on time. I don’t know what that says about my personality; but that’s how I view project deadlines; so to all the professors whom I’ve submitted late works to: I’m sorry.
My personality. I’m usually quiet and shy, though very opinionated in my mind. I don’t really obssess that much about everything, unless it involves me getting something out of it (e.g. art projects, reThe funny thing is, the lesser someone expects search papers). I have trouble from me, the more I deliver; the harder I work. keeping conversations going with other people I’ve just met, I also don’t likw following deadlines. I’d rather and I don’t like public speaksubmit something of quality but late, than an ing or anything that involves
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getting in front of a lot of people and performing (unless it’s a sport or something). I’m very critical--something I’d like to change somewhat; but it helps me make good decisions. I don’t like the mushy, cliche stuff; and I hate things like that. I’d like to think that I’m a hardworking and caring person, but most of the time my competitiveness drives me in my doing things. I got into a lot of accidents when I was a kid due to my active-ness; so I guess that pretty much explains why I’m so keen on details and observing-analyzing when making choices.
the hate list.
this should pretty much give a better picture of my overall attitude towards things. 1. Foot-in-mouth relatives Ok, I don’t hate them, but it annoyed me--the way they approached me and my siblings everytime they came home from the States. They always had all these extremely personal questions and side-comments, and habits or what have you; and it just irked me that non of it bothered them. They would always brag about their kids’ (our cousins’) achievements and stuff; and I was just not having any of it. I know they probably do things differently there in the States; and I know that they just wan’t to catch up or talk; but there are a million other ways to do that. I don’t know if it’s just me or them. Nah, it’s probably them. 2. Slowfood People always blamed fastfood chains for being SELFSCAPE
slow or something; but they probably don’t realize how a lot of it’s being caused by slow customers. Wala lang--naiinis lang ako ‘pag ‘yung nakapila sa harap ko, tsaka lang pinag-iisipan kung ano ‘yung oorderin ‘pag siya na mismo ‘yung nasa harap. I’m like--ano’ng ginagawa mo nung nakapila ka? Come on man. 3. My noisy neighbors They’re nice people, but sometimes their parties would just get so loud--the bass and beats would bang up my windows; and sometimes their parties would last up to the wee hours of the morning. Having classes from Monday to Saturday, I finally snapped when they loaded up their stereos on a Sunday...at around 8 am. Please lang guys, nasa subdivision kayo. 4. Trashtalkers One of the more memorable experiences of my AHS life was during one english class in 4th year when we had a sort of debating competition within the class.While my partner and I would just prepare for the debate quite simply, one of the guys who were going to go up against us kept on stressing how he’d studied the Philippine constitution and laws and whatnot. Basically, I think he was pretty confident they’d win. (My partner and I comprised the closing government, and the other guy and his partner, the opening opposition). What basically happened was we strategically rebutted all his points, and left nothing for their closing opposition to defend. They finished last out of four teams, and we came in first.
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the science of change and the art of getting by. I’ve always been interested in how people moved; how they talked; how they thought about the everyday, simple things; the not so simple things; how they just looked and how they changed. I was never the outspoken guy—I’d normally prefer to sit at the back of the classroom, whisper when I was talked to, or just spend time a lot of time alone. I hated loud noises; I didn’t like parties; I was terrible at public speeches, and got too easily tired in trying to keep up conversations with other people. I had the makings of a sociopath, no—just an introvert.
lying, or hiding something, or upset, or anything. I thought that maybe it was a good skill to have—being able to tell a person’s true emotions was a powerful tool in socializing with them; especially with the sensitive and flaky ones. In a similar way, I was interested in the psychological concepts—connecting them with my observations, and the signals I got from the people’s actions. I called it reading.
Reading, or observing, or whatever it may be called, was an important part in my growing up. Observing others helped me rationalize and explain myself—what needed to change, what I’ve always liked observing people—it always was going to change; and why people changed interested me, how they came up with their de- in certain ways. I was able to look inside other cisions or actions. It wasn’t that I was obsessed people’s lives without having to talk to them, or or anything; it was just that I had fun reading leave my introvertial space. into their motives—trying to tell if they were The Art of Getting By was inspired from the 2011 Gavin Wiesen movie of the same name
the science of change. the art of getting by. Truth is, I liked being an introvert. I liked reflecting. I liked walking at night under the stars; under the city lights--it felt calm and soothing. I would reflect about anything--from mundane things like a long-test item that day to the more serious ones like questioning why I was that much of an introvert; or why I couldn’t get over fears like public speeches and whatever.
Truth is, I liked being an introvert. But I knew that I couldn’t survive with just that, let alone get a future with it. I knew that high school and college required me to be active, and make connections--something which I wouldn’t be able to do effectively if I stayed within my comfort zone. It was one of those things that I wanted to change, but kept on putting off until the moment came when I actually needed to do it. I Trying to explain things--that was the science didn’t want to change everything--I just wanted of it. Freud, Watson, Pavlov, and all the other to be a little bit more outgoing--social. psychologists had theories on why people acted in certain ways; why they behaved like this, or See but what if you really can’t change those how they came to be like this. It’s pretty inter- things? I could probably list down ways on how esting actually, the science of it all. Being able to I can effect a change in my personality: look at yourself--your memories, experiences, - sign-up for more organizations environment; and putting it all together along - speak more with smaller groups then eventuwith the established theories, for an answer, was ally branch out a remarkable thing to be able to do. - be more active in group activities or gatherings The great part about knowing the science of But without an urgent need for the change, change is that it provides you with an endless I wouldn’t be able to push myself to do those supply of solutions and explanations. There things. In addition to that, what if the rewards are many theories and opinions about you out or punishments of being more outspoken are there; and just as equally, there are many oth- either minimal or too much? Then the science er choices for you to make regarding what and stops. how you want to change. Science provides a method--observe, experiment, analyze, and After realizing that you can only change so conclude. much, it just becomes an art of getting by. You survive on changing for just a few moments to satisfy a need, before reverting back to your old self. SELFSCAPE
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I think many people mistake that art with changing. Every single time I’d been outspoken in attempts to be more like an extrovert or social, I’d think that I was finally changing. I thought that I was now this confident, outgoing person; but in reality, I was just getting by. I was getting by through random spurts of confidence--getting the courage to talk to other people. Who knows? I’ll keep on trying, and maybe someday, I’ll be truly outgoing. But for now, I’ll just try to get by.
For procrastination, it’s developed into this strength--working well under pressure. Don’t get me wrong--procrastinating is wrong; but I think that as long as you’re able to manage it, you can get strengths out of it.
That’s the whole point of the art. In the process of repainting yourself little by little, you’re able to create these whole new pictures and qualities that you didn’t know you had. The art begins when the science’s stopped. I realized how I could effect these changes--by not Other things that I’d wanted to change, like my stressing too much about it. Don’t try to look being critical or procrastinating, have either for change--just let it come to you. brought unexpected rewards or developed into a more positive quality. For example, my being Only when you’ve mastered the art of getting critical about everything has actually helped me by--accepting your qualities and being fine make better and better decisions. Not only that, with the unchangeable; will the change come but I’ve also been able to do better academically to you. At least that’s how I see it. (attention to detail).
Last year’s ADMU-DLSU UAAP Women’s Volleyball Finals Game 4. Aside from tennis, volleyball was pivotal in my college life. Being a team sport, it’s led to me meeting a lot of new people and being more active overall. my blockmates and i would play for hours; and i even recall playing with some of the arsa people until 10:30 in the night.
the lights and sounds crew. My family. My family doesn’t really like all the mushy, cliche stuff; which is pretty much why I don’t feel comfortable filling this magazine with our personal pictures. It’s something that I’m really thankful for: kumpara naman kasi sa iba, masok naman ata ‘yung sa gawa na lang pinapakita kaysa sa puro salita.
to supporting me in tennis, and being supportive even after I was forced to shift from Man agement Engineering to another course. I’m thankful.
My school. I’ve been bleeding blue since 2002. I didn’t want to be in the Ateneo at first--I was fine at Claret, and afraid of how much of a difference changI like how we prefer just going behind each oth- ing schools would be. My parents somewhat ers’ backs and surprising the others with acts of forced me to, and I’m thankful for that. kindness and stuff like that. My theory on it’s that people usually say “I love you’s” when they I learned how to love the Ateneo, before I need to constantly reassure each other that they eventually fell in love with it. The people, the do; and well, although there are cases wherein environment--everything about it, felt like a saying so really is worth it, it still admittedly second home to me. The longer I stayed here, sounds and feels weird to do so. the more people I met; and before I knew it, I’d been spending more and more time here as I don’t know whether we’ll ever be comfortable well--projects, class nights, gatherings, what with the mushy things, but I’m thankful of how have you. Slowly and surely enough, the Ateneo they’ve shown and supported me in my grow- was affecting how I grew up and how I viewed ing up. Their actions were more than enough-- things; how I related with others. Even the exfrom discipline, to enrolling me in the Ateneo; tra-curricular things like watching the UAAP, or joining organizations in college introduced SELFSCAPE
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me to these whole new families inside school So how can I help build the nation? I guess I which I’ll hopefully being out with me as I go could start by not looking too mucb into it. out and into my profession or career. Mahirap naman kasi tapatan ‘yung ginagawa ng Gilas Pilipinas, Azkals, nila Jessica Sanchez; My country. sila Jose Rizal at sila Andres Bonifacio. ‘Pag I’ve always been excited whenever the Philip- ‘yan lang ‘yung naiisip mo na mga paraan para pines would win or join in international com- makatulong sa bansa, ‘di ka talaga makatutupetitions--from sports tournaments like the long sa bansa. I could start by just knowing FIBA World Cup or AFC Challenge Cup, to my strengths, weaknesses (SELFSCAPE), and the singing or pageant competitions like the improving myself or bettering my skills. Miss Universe or XFactor. I think it’s nice how the country unites even for just those few mo- My theory’s that since I somewhat compose or ments--and it always inspired me to contribute am part of what makes up the country; then something of my own to the country. I was just improving myself, improves the country. I’d a student though. like to think of “imporving myself ” as more of a general answer that encompasses a lot of Every single time I was asked by anyone-- the facets within myself, rather than it being school essays, guidance interviews, about what vague. I can help build the country by building I thought I could do for the country, I always myself and others first. answered with a vague “I will be a good student, so that I could help others and my country in These people--friends, family, school, nation the future.” It was like I had the helping thing are the lights and sounds crew to my selfscape. all figured out. You won’t see them in here (I don’t like using portrait photographs), but they’re here. The But if you asked me now, how I can contribute selfscape’s not about me, but about the interacto the country--I don’t know. And maybe that’s tions I had with them--the memories, experia good thing, not knowing how. Being a student, ences, and everything. all I can really do is focus on my role and try to do it well. The thing is, lookinf too much forward into how you’ll fit into the outside world and eventually be a factor of the country can mess with your head. The important thing to realize is that you’re already building the nation by being part of it. SELFSCAPE
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selfscape. As I mentioned before, I liked reflecting about things--which is primarily why the selfscape just felt like writing down those thoughts and emotions onto paper. I’m not going to say that it was easy, digging up some memories but most of the things here are moments or memories that I’ve already thought about before. I’m well aware that the magainze’s still lacking in deeper content, but given the limited span of space, coupled with my introvert-ness; I’d rather just keep some of those things to myself and the places where I reflect in. It’s a bit melodramatic actually, but this is how my way of thinking works. And I actually like how different I am in writing and thinking, from how I actually behave or what I show to Freud’s iceberg theory holds true, and although other people. I think that I’ve done quite well enough to show or write about the part of the ice that’s underneath the water, I apologize that it’s limited to just that. It’s interesting--writing about yourself. Looking back at a lot of the things I’ve written or thought about, I thinnk I’ve done a lot--at least I hope I did. It all seems pretty boring--my life, but I like it.
SELFSCAPE
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SELFSCAPE 2014