False Sanity A Minds Thoughts
Written By: Alfred Martinez
Copyright Š 2012 Alfred Martinez. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this e-book may be copied or sold.
UPC 783583442633
Acknowledgements: I would like to thank all of the voices in my head, whom have supported me, encouraged me, and inspired me. Thank you for being there.
Dedicated To: My Nay
Insanity is all that keeps us sane - Papa
Contents
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Chapter 1………………………….Lost Chapter 2………………………….Alone
Chapter 3………………………….Dark
Chapter 4………………………….Somewhere
Chapter 5………………………….Insanity
Chapter One
Lost
Too Much To Ask Sleepless in the fire lights glistening Sparkling off a sharpened edge No more pity smiles from the life left behind Searching for the truth by not asking for a lie Is this way too much to ask Days long past when looking into the mirror Shards reflecting judgment from another time So many sleepless nights as the memories come and pass Why must I be condemned if my intentions are right I see your face looking back at me No more breathe when the last gives relief Another act in time to forever change……life No less than a fragment in a universe of more Moonlight illuminating the shadow so dark No more pity smiles for the life wished to pass Given this right, or for me to ask Just for a minute in time, the sound of life itself And so, it trult hurts to feel no pain What did you do, but take me by surprise Ember eyes of vanity growing inside Still you keep feeding me with lies I raise my eyes and all I see There you are, looking back at me This is way too much Don’t Ask
Starting To Beak Stricken down A lonely fight Your own crown Never to be right Pointing a finger A loaded gun Insults will linger Damage is done Starting to break Empty inside Feelings to take So much denied Thoughts insane Cannot wake A mind is slain A soul to take
Visions of the Morrow
Changes from this day are coming to play Where is it ever written, who holds the stone It crawls underneath your skin and bites the bone Why can’t someone come and take it away
Where is to sound when no one else is around Holding my breath I can feel the scream Never to understand why this is not just a dream Holding on to what will aspire me to be found
Touch me to see if I am alive when you finally arrive Taken in by what cannot be seen, no big surprise This body only taken as an impermissible disguise How else could a purpose with no meaning survive
Laying wide awake with fear for my soul to take I turn my head and look into the eyes that are not there A feeling of fear, an upheaval deep inside I cannot bear
Breathing in deep as the feeling so cold starts me to quake
Into the night the stars continue to reflect upon the scars Because of what has already been done, a mind to bleed Never shall a stone turn to say it’s too late to take heed Free myself from this life in a prison without any bars
Doesn’t mean it’s over if the world takes me as just a rover Waiting as time progresses to bring forth another new dawn Induced when I’m lost, there’s comfort coming forth to spawn With the light of the morrow life returns to be my drover
Move ahead still looking back, seeing the stones piled in a stack Where is the redemption when there is nothing to provide The lies of an unwanted premonition still to be denied Just another discernment for a dream faded to black
New Horizons
Life once lived no longer to endure What is this scar that trembles As the thoughts of past pains inflict Troubling the lost and confused mind Amends to be made with no direction Horrors of past lives challenged Seeking what happiness may dwell What is it that guides What is it that drives Towards the unknown of what is to be Confusion spinning ever so brightly Life as it has been presented to see Only to hide in what has been Just ramblings of a lost soul Or confessions of a healing A self proclaimed cure Longing for the understanding Aching for the feeling To know they are all okay Time casting infinite shadows The need to overcome and move on Wanting to see a different new day
Yearning for something unseen Driven to know what of the unknown New horizons only to prevail With a constantly changing face A mask which holds tightly To the darkness it has consumed Turning to face what is within Unable to see where the darkness begins Grasping the soul and pulling it forth Realizing what matters today Feelings of remorse shed a new light A self forgiving prophecy Reaching out to take hold of life A better tomorrow awaits Hidden behind a memory Of a different new horizon
Change the Scene
Yearning for the morrow, learning the way of solitude Dwelling on the sorrow, facing this day with fortitude
Everything seems to shatter, there is more to what is seen What does it even matter, aroused to change the scene
To take it all back, waiting for just a little while longer Place it in a stack, the character is getting much stronger
No matter how it will feel, this struggle from the inside Another lost soul to heal, but in whom to confide
Standing on the ledge, it’s humbling to know this fight Living on the edge, believing the wrongs will turn to right
This time so silent, life itself to be the only true friend No need to be violent, just a means to what all must end
Words Flow
Words usually so easy to flow, but today not so much so Thoughts racing, memories chasing, feelings on hold What is this that plagues my way Keeping me from being able to Write what I want to say Many lives lived, many hats worn Why do I sit here feeling so torn Confusion? Not most likely so Disillusioned? Never that path Again will I go Changes are coming as is written before Never did I expect to be so hungry for more So much has been seen, so much to share But never to you would I ever compare Realizing again, today will soon be tomorrow Time not to sit and look back in sorrow Life is my text book which is always open
The world is the classroom where I set my Mind to always be open to things that I see And others that can be hard to perceive Things to be seen, experienced and learned So much to share, so much I have worked for So much I have eagerly earned When I open myself and share my words Don’t be afraid of me, but experience my thoughts My feelings, my experiences that flow in herds So much I want to share, so much I want to say Not to impress, or blow you away But only to help brighten your way Time to get ready for a new day With my passion for life and things to see There’s nothing today that clouds my way
Chapter Two
Alone
Images of Boyish Fright
Awakened by a nightmare with boyish fright Images still flickering in my mind Tears of sadness from sleepy eyes fall Not from the dreams so haunting But for the sadness of not having you here To rub my back, to touch my face To tell me it will be okay So many things have changed Life has become so different New friends now pat my back So many hugs of pride and friendship But still it feels so empty Because you are not there To tell me it will all be okay With Love and Pride I embrace and appreciate All who share my life today With sadness I have lost I miss your words of wisdom And your sweet embraces I know that life must go on Yet, here I solemnly sit So lost inside of myself and alone The visions still fresh in my mind With images of boyish fright These lonely feelings of sadness Because you are not here To tell me it will all be okay
Chambered
No more to defend what has faded away Then you could see, now you don’t Chambered memories gone astray To oblivion by the winters wind blown
Like a fire in the darkness of night A travesty to what was once true Attempting to bring blackness to light Chambered memories gone through
Never meant to be such a sacrifice Might as well just let go Chambered memories in a fortalice Oblivion illuminated by the winters glow
A simple misdirection sealed by fate Looking down a lonely known road Searching for a time too late Chambered memories to be stowed
Gathering of Thoughts Thoughts of the gathering The greatest assemblage Provocatively astounding Residing in this message
With ears that cannot see Eyes that cannot hear Always as meant to be Hiding in the deepest fear
Answers to the questions Not wanting to be known Always taking suggestions The multitudes have grown
There’s no surprise To what will be Always in disguise No one wants to see
Long Walk I have walked this road far too long A life of deceit, one big lie I cannot answer the question why There is nothing that anyone can say To keep me from turning and walking away Nothing that I could ever do Would make the lies be true I have walked this road far too long Where have they all gone What would they all say If I could find them today No one to answers when I cry Will it be this way when I die Will there be anyone there, To say "Good-Bye" I have walked this road far too long.
I have lived within the lies Like a fog clouding the skies Instead of giving, I only took By the laws of life, I am merely a crook Now I sit and wonder No more charging with thunder What would they all say, If they could see me today. Now I ask you humbly In my own way, Lord, let me start over Make it all go away
Percept of Sanity
The need to be of infallible sight A lineament of an imperfect prose Second to none, an arrogant plight Insufferable insolence of a fallacious rose
Deceit in perceptions so elegantly portrayed Trial by acceptance of astonishing innocence Reams of spirit prospectively unafraid A constant struggle of discerning dissonance
Serenity and heartsease cognitively unstained Intentions of congruity worn on a sleeve Soulless visions of acquisitions unattained Identicalness separated by a recondite cleave
Personality cloaking a dissembled soul Reputed assertion to feed the vanity Eminence in gatherings the determined role Definitions tell of this rendering sanity
Soft Rock Stolen disappointment Feeling so alone Starring at a lie Tossed like a stone Standing below the bottom Surrounded by soft rock Another door closed Better turn the lock All that is needed Another way of life Staring at an empty frame Living in rife We all live in fear What is it all for Closed from behind Pass through another door
Chapter Three
Dark
The Slave
This World, Life so blinded by the stench overwhelmed These words that taste of blood as we feed of ourselves Lest we save for the flight over which we’ve acclaimed Castaways merely placing memories upon our shelves This life which is so quickly forgiven, will end all too soon Take from what is to gain, free the souls to taunt the dog For we can only feed until all we have left is an empty spoon Feel the pressure as it comes our turn in the wheel of the cog Did we really give in to reason, take for the best deserved Running away, but stuck with one foot in the shallow grave Only freeing ourselves from what was misguidedly served Realizing within our own aspiration, ruling ourselves the slave Grasping blindly on to that which we can firmly hold Still blinded by the stench, still feeding our pleasure with pain Believing we are in control of that which we face so bold Oblivious to what we reprove in this world so deeply vain
Shadow of a Lie
Save me from the irons Sent to bind my hands Who am I to question It is written in the sands
Save me from the storm Casting shadows over my head Who am I to deny Words already said
Save me from a battle lost Shedding truths in crimson Who am I to fight What has already begun
Save me from today Exposing all the lies Save me from me Can you hear my cries
For I Am The One Don't look to my pain and sorrow To comfort you It is your pain and fear of life That satisfies my contentment I am the shadow that Haunts you It is I that pushes the thorn That causes pain in your side Running to the door With all you have to give Opening, hoping to see The answer to how you should live Swallowed by my darkness Realizing this is not meant to be I am the bump in your night The scream in your dream Won't you take this step
And fall to my content Never to take a step Without closing your eyes See what it is I am saying I am the one in your head This will I only say Look to your memories And open your mind to the way For I am the one Who finds comfort In your sorrow and pain
No Need To Cry Can’t live it any longer On my mind every minute Consuming me every day A world of endless madness An ocean of sinking beauty Sun shine without ambience Looking for something lost There are things that just Cannot be replaced The emptiness becomes My everything A life so torn apart Always living on the run Never stopping to enjoy The innocence of the Sun Memories are always Only where you left them No need to cry Just let it start over again No need to try
Who’s Dream
I will take your breath away Seek me and you shall see When tomorrow becomes yesterday It is today you will foresee Never to be ahead Always one step behind A story that is already read Oh, to only be so kind Show yourself a sign Ask and there will be light This is not a crossed line I come to you in the night It is not I that controls you What I am is what you carry Look to yourself to see it through Now rest your head so weary
In Your Head
I need you to hear me Eyes closed My voice sings Words of warning Words of wisdom I need you to see me Standing tall Raising my arms Eyes unseen Looking out over you I need you to know me Understand what I share See through my eyes Know my pain Hear the music I play I need you to feel me When you are safe in bed Close your eyes And know that it is me Who hides in your head
Chapter Four
Somewhere
Distraction Answers dwell within the ties that so bind Belief of a special kind, or just a distraction Tales of the pains down to the finest detail A fragile heart of longing only feels discontent The loneliness bleeding deep from within its core A diamond in the sand, or just a distraction Words of a healing kind like heavy rain pour A decision made with no regret, no, not yet A picture painted to never forget this place It’s never too late to look back, never look back A light to guide the way, or just a distraction Feelings change to never be the same, always the same Both ways coming from different directions So many others taking steps, trying to make corrections Inside the head it’s just like a railroad Another path to follow, or just a distraction Every day something grows, and others stay the same Everybody feels a different time, and place Attractions to what helps us to slow the pace We are meant to live and see so much more It is just a part of life, it is a distraction
Future To Past
Driving it deep into the soul Back tomorrow it will be cold Future to past with a heavy toll Lost within faceless and old Truth hidden from the surface Damaged without the need to cry Masked with a malefic purpose Flames that flicker within a dark eye Solace in the mind that bleeds black Hard to tell what is life or lie Implicit existence of another to wrack A shadow as dark as the midnight sky Seeking it deep within the soul Wishing to wash it all away Existing as a predetermined role Back tomorrow and past today
Just A point How do I define the feelings in my heart Like living on a stage, just playing my part How do I describe the sights that I see Are these visions only beautiful to me How do I share what it’s like to touch Consumed by all, surrounded by so much How do I show what it’s like, in my shoes to walk The stories I tell, the words I speak, it is only talk I watch so many others, their lives they live Wanting to reach out, feelings of so much to give As you pass me by, I only wonder, do you share These feelings of life, for others do you care When you see another, and they have it so bad Do you ignore their fate, or think of them with thoughts so sad When you have too much for yourself, do you let it waste Are there any thoughts for them, who for days, have had nothing to taste Do you truly have in your heart, any feelings of compassion For those who don’t fit, within the latest fashion Are you willing to offer a helping hand To help another whose life is sinking in the sand All I can do is write these words that you read It is up to you to see when there is someone in need Even with an empty stomach, the man on the streets Raises his head, and the same God he greets He prays for Heaven, with belief and trust That when he leaves this earth, there will be no more unjust.
Something Something you wanted to find What is it Something you wanted to feel Can you feel it Something you wanted to see Can you see it Something you wanted to hear Can you hear it Something you wanted to know Do you know it Something you wanted to learn Can you teach it Something you wanted to say There is always yesterday Regret is to not forget Your future is never set Living in the moment can be fun Never walking, always on the run Dreams of tomorrow can only come true If you slowdown and follow through Take a hold of your future Only yourself can you nurture Are you listening Or just forgetting‌. Something
There Is More
Cringing at the sight, giving in to the fight And it’s demeaning not to even try Taking for yourself, just to disappear in the night Somewhere, someone lets out a cry Pushing life away, when will it ever change Searching for a place to hide Justify it all, lie to yourself, just rearrange We harbor what lives inside Take another look before you close your eyes Falling from grace Inside it’s dark, hidden away from the blue skies Falling on your face Look before you destroy it all, there is more Don’t forget me There is more than one ending in store Don’t just let it be Pull yourself up, time to make this right For the Love you depend Leave behind you the cold dark night It is not all just pretend
World Created Congenial paralysis, there is a Monkey on your back Remember when your enemy was your friend Let’s talk about the you in you, let’s just take a ride home We’ll save this earth, we’ll create this world as opposites This goes beyond the surface, Bets placed against the righteous
Compatible emotion, facing the crevice, stepping over the crack There will always be a means, but never will it end Letting go will only allow you to always, but never roam alone We’ll save this earth, we’ll create this world with composites This goes beyond the surface, this meaning without a purpose
Miscible infractions, it is ourselves that we seem to attack Just stop and take a look at your direction, your wend So much in your own mind, a vast richness of loam We’ll save this earth, we’ll create this world with deposits This goes beyond the surface, around every corner another bellicose
Collectible distractions, all used up with no more slack It has become about what you can take, not what you send Stay on top, the ride is on, lose your grip and you’ll be thrown We can’t save this earth, we’ve hidden too many skeletons in our closets Standing upon the surface, a life lived, so cold and loveless
Chapter Five
Insane
Me & Myselfs
Leave me alone, I know what I am doing. You don’t know what you are doing. You know I know what I am doing. No, you only thought we knew you knew. We’ve always known you didn’t know. You just didn’t realize we knew. I didn’t know I knew. Everyone hush! I can’t hear myself. You’re overwhelming me. You’re overwhelming yourself. You just don’t know what we know. Okay, okay, I know what you’re doing. Uh Hmm, does anyone know where we were? I thought you knew. Damn It! You’re all getting to me, and I’m losing myself. He, he, we know where you are.
Another Stride The dreams that you cannot set free Wishing for the truth to hold for a while The lies lead you close to your destiny Just like you to treat them all so vile Feel that shiver, it is only the lack of light The shadows compete with your pride What makes you wrong, and them right Just another way to walk, another stride Who is to say who is the one out of line Just another twisted way to say good bye It is okay, everything will be just fine You told you so, but did you ever really try You don’t need anyone to tell you what you know Have a seat and watch the show, just be a witness Come on, come on, move up another row Don’t be left behind, there will be no forgiveness
Known
Just for an instant, a moment to be New to mind, or something known Hush your thought, here it comes Seemingly familiar, but not the same Lost in the near, the distance to see Solitude to deny, the morrow to fear Sight unseen, feelings not yet felt Something unheard, but already known Protected from the past Overcome A blanket or a cast A future to be Succumb Close your eyes and see You’ve always known
Leading By Disconnection
Round and round we go Following by misdirection Up the hill then back down Leading by disconnection Climbing to reach the bottom Slowing down to take flight Driven to get back to what we remember Slacked to win the fight Letting go to hold much more Searching for the key Slipping to get a better grip Unlocking our destiny Faith in what we don’t understand Distrust in what we know Belief in what we just can’t see Not wanting to let go Stepping forward to go back Following by misdirection Remembering to forget Leading by disconnection
Love to Hate
Hate me with your melody I will bring you rain Hate me with pleasure I will give you pain It is easy to be the hero When someone else’s soul bleeds Push me into oblivion Take me for your needs Love me with disrespect I will give you praise Love me with your hate I will clear away the haze Tell me what it is like To feel so alive Give in to me I will contrive
False Moonlight Centered in the inexplicit darkness Illuminated by my fate Murky waters rising around me With a calm I await Like raindrops falling in the night Life descends upon me Questioning from within my truest self Conspicuously clear insanity Ruler of my own invisible realm A pretentious fool Visible in the false moonlight Like a glistening jewel The night settling in silence Embracing my eerie calm A world blooming in crimson From within an open palm The sun graciously ascends ands rebels Thrusting with a deafening sound Eyes opening to greet the new day With a smile sanity is found
An Abstract View of What Today’s Society Deems as Acceptable
A Different Understanding
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