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THE ART OF GETTING ALONG WITH YOUR LIFE PARTNER Parameswaran Pengad News paper columns are now a-days filled with shocking reports about mass suicides, household harassments, killing and taking cruel revenge by couples each other. Extra marital relations and connected untoward incidents, murders and clashes are also on the hike.Criminal, Civil and Family Courts are accumulated with suits. The rates of divorces are also going up! In short, for the last decade, there seems unprecedented unrest in the family relations through out the world. Many young and middle aged couples find shelter in suicide. Still many of the unfortunate souls are thinking and planning to abscond from life! Lubricating of the rusty ‘family machines', is therefore the need of the hour. Application of a little Psychology at your household, your kitchen, dining and bed rooms will help to ensure its smooth function. Successfully getting along with your life partner is, no doubt, an evergreen subject for discussion. It is also an Art and Science. The case of kidnapping an IT Engineer's wife by a travelling fish vendor in the city, two years ago, was under trial. In the divorce case in court, when the Magistrate asked her to speak, she said “My husband gave me every thing, excluding the items I actually want. While the other comrade would often chat and enquire my welfare and would tell me that I possess a charming visage tender heart, Sweat voice etc. When he offered little surprise gifts along with complementary words, I opened my soul and body before him. Actually the house wife and mother of three were making an elopement! Similar incidents are not increasing in the society. Why? The administrators, sociologists and psychologists are thinking hard to reach the route of the problems, leading to the collapse of families ! The primary school-drop-out ' fish pal’ realized that careful thinking and consideration, responsive to love, sympathy etc are more delicious and precious to a woman than wealth... He applied this Psychology of appreciation and tenderness to flatter her vanity. The workaholic Engineer failed to understand the mechanism of human mind. A marriage went to rock and collapsed! In History Turning to history, we can observe the success and failure of great personalities in this great art. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) the great philosopher, thinker and writer was a tough nature. But at home he was a smart tender and loving husband. He spared time to communicate with his life partner. William Shakespeare (1564-1616) was a loving husband and fond father. “Kindness in women not their beautiful looks shall win my love”, he wrote. Adolph Hitler (1889 -1945) Nazi leader and chancellor of Germany, described by History as an authoritarian and tyrannical ruler, failed to see the heart of his wife. In one occasion, when he gave her a good some of money, she silently reacted that she would have been happy, if he exchanged some` kind dialogues`. Female Psychology Huge bank balance, luxurious apartments, costly cars investment in share market, fame, name etc can’t often win the heart of women. In most cases, Psychological studies reveal all such material gains don’t make a woman happy. The most significant thing to a woman is that her man loves her, appreciate and understand her. Just telling her that you love her, once in a blue moon, is not enough, says experts in the field of marriage councelling. They insists us the need of sharpening the instrument of love. Often spoken language is not necessary. Your eyes can convey the emotion of love, more vividly than any other medium. All couples, no matter how long they have been married, need not hesitate to tell his or her partner that he or she love her.(him) This can be done in a variety of ways. The words 1
2 should come from the root of the heart. Make her/him believe that she/he comes first in your life (weather it is true or not) It is a fascinating and flattering complement. Cultivate the habit of using such magical dialogues, coated in honey, to suit the occasion .Remember that too much of its application is not wholesome. Qualities like courtesy, love sympathy consideration etc. cannot be substituted by wealth. Their dreams and expectations
Women expect of their husbands that they should be loving and responsible. They should be respectable persons also in the society. He does not make her feel dominating. He should have good sense of humor and can appreciate the view points of the women. Make her feel that she is the inspiration behind all your success! Most women expect that their men must make discussions with them and do not like strong arguments and big brother attitudes! .They generally hope their husbands make complements about their cooking and praise them in the presence of others!. Instead of shouting a “dead sea” in sambar, try this: “the curry is so tasty, but there seems a little more salt in it. Don’t “call a spade a spade” always. As time passes many partners alter or even give up their expectations. Dreams fade and become colorless. “I married a policeman who does not have any romantic ideas”, reacted a housewife. “He does not even remember our anniversary or buy flowers for me. But he manages time to spend with me, remember my tonic and take care in my health. He often tells me that he feel irresistible worship for me and still find me lovely and delicious, even after the elapse of our jubilee”, she added. Couples have to keep in memory their birthdays, anniversaries etc. and exchange presents and greetings. Pay respect to get it A wise husband takes care not to hurt the feelings of his life mate. Neither he belittles her or criticizes her in the presence of others. He is a pessimist and knows how to deal with tense situations and crisis in life In all societies, the husband is an important person. But many female partners often do the mistake of belittling or dominating their men. Indian heritage and culture treat him as guardian or even God. Gandhiji’s version is that if husband is God Wife should be treated as Goddess. The concept of Ardhanareeswara (Lord Siva in the form of half man, half woman) might have influenced his thought!. Our inheritances treat the female partner as ` prakrethi` (Nature) Turning to Christianity, the apostle Paul elevated Christian marriage to the celestial domain. In his version a man will leave his father and mother to amalgamate with his better half and the two will become one flesh. Marriage is a partnership and to ensure the smooth function the couple has to give the price in terms of hard work, learning, adjusting and yielding to each other. Learn to say “I forgive you .Do not be shy to respond “No mention Please, I already forgot it!” Try to apply a little Psychology in your bed room, Kitchen and dining room and feel the wonderful changes !. Take these powerful tools in hand and march bravely to get along with your partner, successfully in the Life Journey. parameswaranpengad2012@gmail.com ------------------------8.17.2014--------------
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