10 minute read
Create One-on-One Time with Your Kids
How to Create One-on-One Time WITH YOUR KIDS
When You Have No Free Time
By Sarah Lyons
One of the biggest struggles of any busy parent, especially those parenting multiple children, is finding time to spend quality one-on-one time with each child. This can become even more overwhelming when you feel like you have very little free time. As a mom of six children, I feel the constant pressure of my to-do list combined with a heavy dose of mom-guilt over the desire to spend time with my kids. So how can you have that quality time with your kids even though it feels like you have no time to spare?
BE INTENTIONAL
One way to create some quality time with your kids is to be intentional about making it a priority. If I happen to have some alone time in the car with one of my kids, I do not let the opportunity for conversation go to waste. If my son wants to talk about Minecraft (again), which is one of my least favorite topics, I choose to listen because it is important to him. I may not fully understand what we are talking about, but he is usually happy to answer my questions and this lets him know that I take an interest in his hobbies. If my daughter lets me know she would like to spend some extra alone time with me, I make it official by putting it on the family calendar. This way it is more likely to actually happen and that time is less likely to get booked with another activity or appointment. Try scheduling one dedicated day, like the third Tuesday of each month, to have some alone time with your children.
LET IT GO
While many of my tasks are timesensitive, there are also quite a few that can wait, such as laundry or dishes. Yes, we don’t want the dishes and dirty clothes piling up so that the family has nothing to wear or eat off of, but on most occasions, it can wait an hour or even a day before they have to be washed. Your child will notice what you think is most important - them! Plus, there is the bonus of getting to put off your housework a little longer. If your chores truly cannot wait, ask your child to help put in a load of laundry and then ask if he would like to play a game, read a book, watch a movie, or bake some cookies while the washer runs.
PUT DOWN THE PHONE
Our smartphones are convenient but they also take up a lot of our free time, both for parents and kids. Set aside an hour or two a week to put the phones in time out and just talk to each other. Some families may also find it helpful to make mealtimes a no-phone zone. This is a great way to spur conversation without distractions. If you find your conversations in a lull, try a would you rather question. For example, “Would you rather never have homework or never have to eat food you didn’t like? Why?” Not only will these get conversation flowing, you might also find out some things you didn’t know about your child.
CREATE A HELPER
If setting aside chores and errands isn’t an option, ask your child to come alongside as a helper. My kids have helped me cook, do laundry, run errands, match socks, and rake leaves. Often our best conversations are while we are working on a project together. Not only will you get your chores done and spend time with your child, you are also showing them the value of hard work without even trying.
What we spend our time doing shows our children what we value. With some extra effort we can sneak in moments of quality time with our children that add up to a strong relationship. When we are intentional and make our kids a priority, it will not go unnoticed by them. Y Sarah Lyons is a mom of six children, including eight year old triplets. She lives in Kansas City with her family.
20 Reasons Why Christmas with Teens is Amazing By Katy M. Clark
“Ugh, I’m out of food coloring!” I cried, peering into
the cupboard. It was the last thing I needed to finish the Christmas cookies.
Sigh. I’d already made enough runs to the store that I was on a first name basis with Sue, the cashier from checkout lane 6.
That’s when I turned to my teenage son, 17, sitting on the couch looking at his phone.
“Sure,” he replied. He sprang up, grabbed the car keys, and took off.
It was like I had my own Christmas elf! Which was a pretty awesome perk of celebrating the holiday season with older kids.
Indeed, as my teenage son and his sister have shown me as they’ve grown older, there are plenty of reasons why
Christmas with teens rocks.
Here are 20 of them:
A little bit of financial independence. You know what my son said when I offered him $5 to pay for the food coloring? “That’s okay, Mom. I have money.” Now that’s a Christmas miracle!
Teens are sturdier. I no longer fear that my kids will break the heirloom ornaments, topple over while helping with the outdoor lights, or drop the china when setting the table for Christmas dinner.
Their palates have matured. Gone are the days of picky eating, like the Christmas dinner when my preschooler ate nothing but rolls and brown sugar meant for the sweet potatoes. As a teen he’ll eat almost anything. (Okay, he still loathes onions!) Teens are more helpful with cooking and baking. They can chop the veggies and make the gravy. They can whip up extravagant dishes and desserts, whether because they are taking culinary classes or just want to emulate something they saw on TikTok.
Better yet, teens can clean the kitchen all by themselves when they are done. They don’t need supervision or nagging. Well, maybe a little bit of nagging.
I am no longer in charge of dressing them for the weather. Yup, gone are the days of wrangling them into winter gear a la Randy’s mom in A Christmas Story. Of course, I hope my teenage son wears a coat, but if he doesn’t, that’s on him, not me.
Big kids care about tradition. Whether it’s putting out the sock snowman they made in first grade or using Grandma’s recipe to make molasses cookies, teens genuinely appreciate tradition and connection with loved ones and holidays in the past.
Teenagers are still kids at heart, just bigger. They want to leave a plate of cookies out for Santa. They pile in the car when it’s time for our family to drive around and admire holiday lights. Their faces still light up with joy when opening gifts.
As the mom of teens, I am liberated from the Elf on the Shelf. We had a good run, but nowadays I can sit back (a little bit!) and relish the real magic of the season, which is simply being together.
Continued on page 16 >>>
And I love being together with them. This is in stark contrast to the days when they were younger, we’d all be stir crazy by New Year’s and I couldn’t wait for school to start again. With teens I wish time would slow down so I could linger in these special days with them.
Christmas with teens rocks because I no longer fret so much about the gifts. I don’t stress about hiding presents or scramble to obtain that deeply desired yet widely unavailable toy. (Do not ask me about the lengths to which I went to get my kids Zhou Zhou pets one year!) Teens are happy to receive clothes as gifts, too. Remember the pouty faces or whiny voices as youngsters when they opened gifts and discovered clothes? Now my son is stoked to get a hoodie and my daughter is giddy to see duds from her favorite store.
And if by chance my teens are disappointed by a gift? They are mature enough to handle it. It’s not like that time my three-year-old ran from the room crying when a toy did not work. I think that year’s very vocal disappointment still lingers in the ether.
Teens give better gifts, too. I know, I know, gifts are not the real meaning of the season. But while I treasure the drawings and painted rocks from yesteryear, it touches my heart when my teens give me a book, they knew I wanted to read or a scarf they saw me admire.
They can wrap gifts themselves. My teenage daughter is masterful when it comes to using paper, tissue, and ribbon. She’s a big help with all the wrapping if I’m busy or just plain tired of doing it all myself. Plus, I don’t worry about her running with scissors anymore!
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Their taste in holiday shows and movies is more palatable. Sure, I enjoyed watching classics like Frosty the Snowman when they were little. But not thirteen times in a row. Now my teenagers are just as excited as I am to watch grown-up movies like The Holiday or Die Hard that they never would have sat through as tots.
Teens can stay up late. Whether it’s watching our favorite movies together or going to the midnight Christmas Eve service at church, gone are the years when I had to hustle them to bed by a certain hour.
Teens sleep in on Christmas morning. They no longer rouse the entire household at the crack of dawn to open gifts. Christmas morning with big kids has a decadent, tranquil feel.
Teens grasp the meaning of Christmas in a deeper way. I love that we have profound talks about faith this time of year. It touches my heart, too, when I see them donate jackets to the homeless or put their own money in the red kettles.
And the 20th reason why Christmas with teens rocks?
Because it is still the most wonderful time of year, no matter if they are five or fifteen years old. And it’s an amazing gift every day, but especially at Christmas, to be the one that my teens call Mom. Y
Katy M. Clark is a writer and mom of two who embraces her imperfections on her blog Experienced Bad Mom.
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