The Risk of Playing Safe

The Power of Play

By Nikki McCoy

The Risk of Playing Safe

Why children need to take risks when they play

By Gemma Alexander

With everything going on right now — COVID-19 and monkeypox, climate change and gun violence, just for starters — few parents are asking the question “Is my child getting enough risk?” But maybe we should be. Because it turns out that a healthy dose of risk in child’s play — the kind where there is a small but real chance of failure or of even getting hurt — is, well, healthy. Safe assessment “Risk is a situation involving exposure to danger or perceived danger,” says Jamie Bonnett, director of education for KidsQuest Children’s Museum (kidsquestmuseum.org) in Bellevue. Bonnett has a professional interest in the way kids play, and she’s concerned about how much it has changed in just a couple of generations. Many of today’s parents

continued from page 9 are appalled by things that used to be considered normal childhood play: biking around the neighborhood unsupervised, building forts with real tools and getting creative with playground equipment (e.g., climbing up the slide, standing up in swings). Even the equipment itself has changed, as swing sets, merry-go-rounds and seesaws are conspicuously missing from new playgrounds. These examples of old-school “bad parenting” are presented as recklessness. But in this case, the baby boomers may have been right.

There’s no such thing as zero risk. There are only tradeoffs between risks, and science is increasingly certain that in the pursuit of absolute safety, our society is incurring other risks that may outweigh the potential dangers of physical play.

“It’s all wrapped up in imagination and social-emotional learning. It’s a daisy chain of skills. Whether they succeed or fail, the package of things that you get along with taking risks is what’s so critical,” says KidsQuest CEO Putter Bert. “We tend to focus on the one little dot of danger, dwelling on the negative and not on the package of benefits.”

Risk supports children’s physical, mental and social development. “If we don’t engage in and take risks, what will be left?” asks Bert. “The alternative is so much worse.”

Absolute safety in play is associated with sedentary behavior and its related health impacts, such as obesity and decreased motor skills. Less obviously, playing too safely is associated with anxiety and phobias, and even with decreased social skills. The experiences of trying something scary and succeeding and trying again after failure help build confidence and self-esteem.

Safe risk Bike helmets and swimming pool lifeguards have undoubtedly saved lives, and everyone would agree that children should never be put in life-threatening situations. But there are myriad benefits to taking smaller risks, and these benefits are worth the occasional skinned knee. In fact, the skinned knee itself has benefits — including greater physical safety.

Though it would seem counterintuitive, children who engage in risky physical activity are less likely to be injured than those who have been sheltered from such play and thus have not developed the gross motor skills or learned to gauge their own abilities to navigate challenging situations.

“They are actually safer because they’ve practiced emotional regulation, trial and error, and impulse control,” explains Bonnett. Studies have shown overall positive effects of engaging in risky physical play on a variety of health indicators and behaviors. One of the biggest benefits to children is that they learn how to recognize and measure their own tolerance for risk.

Playing in the ‘Danger Zone’ “Our mission is to give tools to everybody — adults and children. Risk and danger, those are tools. There is a whole cornucopia of things we learn from a single risky action,” says Bert.

Bonnett adds, “We’ve always carried safe risk through the museum, in the programming, in the exhibits we’ve built, and in the activities that we set for parents and children to engage in.” But that safe risk is increasingly absent in the rest of children’s lives. Bert recounts a story about one school-age child who apologized after touching a car door — she had been trained to avoid

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dramakidsinternational.wa3@gmail.com www.dramakids.com/wa3~425-654-0699 continued from page 11 touching germy surfaces. Another announced she had never been near enough to a fire to feel its heat.

This year, KidsQuest addressed the growing need for controlled exposure to danger with its new “Danger Zone” workshops. Taking inspiration from Gever Tulley’s book “50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do),” these workshops give children a chance to test their limits with fire, pocketknives, ladders and rocks. (Tinker and engineering workshops this fall will offer more safe risk opportunities; kidsquestmuseum.org/programs.)

The trick to making this training in terror fun and feasible is called scaffolding.

“Scaffolding is setting up a space in which adults can support the learning, but not do the learning,” explains Bonnett. So, you don’t offer free play on ladders. Instead, you start by talking about how to climb up and down the ladder, and what to do if you start to feel afraid. (For example: Take deep breaths, then think carefully about your next step.) If a child gets stuck when practicing on their own, you coach them from the ground, or at most, by putting a hand on their back while talking them through the steps. But you don’t swoop in and pluck the child off the ladder. This approach keeps kids as safe as necessary, instead of as safe as possible.

“They could fall off the ladder, but the likelihood of that happening is really low because of how we’ve set it up and how we’ve prepared them,” says Bonnett.

Indications of this sort of intentional scaffolding are evident throughout the museum’s exhibits. For example, tall climbing structures are constructed to exclude parents, encouraging kids to challenge themselves in two ways: climbing high above the ground and separating from their parents.

“It’s building self-confidence for that child. It’s allowing them to see How far can I go before I start to feel a little butterfly in my stomach? Those are feelings we want children to be aware of and then know what to do with them,” says Bonnett. She says that process helps them learn self-regulation.

Exhibits are also designed for nonphysical forms of risk as well.

“The other part of risk is trial and error — taking the risk to make a mistake. So much of schooling is risk-avoidant to ensure the best outcome,” says Bonnett. “It’s important to practice trial and error because it is really important to learn what to do with failure.” Failing and then summoning the courage to try again is the very definition of resilience, and the only way to gain it is to practice it. The museum’s interactive art and play spaces include materials but not instructions, encouraging children to come up with and test their own solutions, even if they don’t work out.

Personal risk “Risk is personal,” says Bert. “Tasting a new food, for some people, is a giant risk.” Everyone has their own boundaries, and that’s as true for parents as it is for kids. That’s why KidsQuest offers programs for adults as well as options for kids’ workshops with and without parent participation. Sometimes, kids need to be away from their parents before they will start to pay attention to their own instincts. But sometimes parents need to see their kids successfully taking risks to realize that the fear is their own. “Then it’s about the adults’ self-regulation,” says Bert.

She adds, “I think adults have made children more scared. Not only do we want to encourage children to take risks, but we’re going to need to do that in concert with their adults.” Adults teach children to be afraid when we constantly warn, “Don’t do that, it’s dangerous,” and we can

You should also avoid the urge to push your children to take risks — forcing them beyond their own comfort zone is as dangerous as overprotection.

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continued from page 13 transmit our fears when we talk to kids about the big issues happening in the world right now. While it is important to talk to children about serious topics such as the COVID-19 pandemic, climate change and gun violence, Bonnett warns, “Be aware of children’s capacity for understanding to ensure you’re not placing an undue burden of fear on them.”

You should also avoid the urge to push your children to take risks — forcing them beyond their own comfort zone is as dangerous as overprotection. Instead, the goal is to eliminate boundaries and allow children to discover their own tolerance for risk. Parents can practice the same scaffolding that the museum uses. So, instead of banning your child from the kitchen and childproofing your cabinets, teach your child knife skills and how to safely use the stove. Then, supervise them while they make breakfast themselves. More often than not, they’ll succeed. Try not to freak out if they cut themselves or break a dish; trial and error is a healthy and necessary part of the process.

Managing your fear for your children can be stressful, especially when things don’t work out perfectly. “We know that play is a stress reducer, not only for children but for adults,” says Bonnett. So, when everything going on right now starts to get to you, go outside — or head to the museum! — to play. ■ Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

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NYHS students working with Ukrainian orphan and refugee children in Neptun, Romania. SJCS students plant daffodils to honor victims of the Holocaust and current humanitarian crises today.

Jewish Day Schools Offer Students Many Ways to Make an Impact on Their Communities

One of the central tenets of Judaism is doing good in one’s community and in the world at large. Such acts of contribution are reflected in the words of Judaism’s prophets, sages and ancient texts: There’s tzedakah (charitable giving), gemilut hasadim (acts of kindness) and one of the most widely known phrases, tikkun olam (repairing the world). These values are especially important when it comes to fostering the next generation of Jewish changemakers.

Going beyond a focus on academics, Jewish day schools immerse students in a curriculum that nurtures and fosters community-minded engagement, around the world and right here at home in Washington state.

Jewish day schools creating change around the world

From providing service to the local community through volunteer work and fundraising to international mission trips to help people in need, Jewish day school students are learning firsthand what it means to be a global citizen.

This past year, after receiving a call from the Jewish Ukrainian orphanage Tikva Children’s Home in Odessa (tikvaodessa.org), seniors from Northwest Yeshiva High School (nyhs.org) took their educational values and translated them into action by flying to Romania with only 10 days’ notice. Their purpose was to support hundreds of children who had been displaced by the war in Ukraine. The call for help came while the group was on a service trip to New Orleans with NCSY Relief Missions (reliefmissions.ncsy.org), a Jewish teen relief organization. The organization learned that there was a severe shortage of volunteers and staff to work with hundreds of children ranging in age from newborn to 16 years. As a grantee of the Samis Foundation, NYHS immediately reached out for a grant to support as many students as possible with the opportunity to join the Romania mission.

“We’re proud of the students for responding to this call for help, and we, at Samis, were honored to play a small role in supporting the mission,” says Eli Genauer, Samis Foundation board chair.

Teachers leading by example

At the Jewish Day School of Metropolitan Seattle (JDS; jds.org), cultivating “upstanders,” or people who will proactively stand up for good in the world, is central to its mission. Teachers at the school lead by example to demonstrate the upstander ethos. JDS teacher Nance Adler spent this past summer as a scholar in residence in Germany. After Adler taught a class on Jewish resistance and the rescue of Jews by non-Jews during the Holocaust, German teachers at the institution highlighted a recent instance of bigotry at the school. Following Adler’s class, the call to be upstanders was invoked in a staff meeting to encourage administration and faculty to take a united stand against expressions of hate and bigotry.

continued on page 16

SPONSORED CONTENT JEWISH DAY SCHOOLS ARE CREATING MODELS FOR DISTANCE SPONSORED CONTENT continued LEARNING AND BUILDING STRONG COMMUNITY CONNECTIONS

When Gov. Inslee’s March 12 announcement prompted school closures across Washington state, local Jewish day schools were already prepared for distance learning. By that day, Seattle Jewish Community School, along with other Jewish day schools in the Seattle area, had soft-launched their remote learning program, seeking feedback from students, parents and teachers and getting everyone up to speed.

“It was like I had hired 12 brand new teachers despite the decades of seniority and experience they had,” says Head of School Ron Waldman. “In this format, all bets are off. None of our educators had ever been trained for this type of teaching and learning, and not all children can easily adapt to continuous learning.” Even though they’ve had their challenges, Seattle Jewish Community School — along with Northwest Yeshiva High School, Jewish Day School and Seattle Hebrew Academy — are making it work, teaching students important lessons and forging strong communities at the same time.

It started with surveying everyone’s needs. On their first day, NYHS held an orientation for distance learning, where all classes met for 15 minutes each and there was a check-in to make sure students had access to technology. They also conducted troubleshooting with teachers so that the following day regular classes could start. Schools are continuing to seek feedback throughout this crisis. According to Waldman, SJCS is sending out surveys at least once a week, while JDS is adjusting practices as they go. “We have made revisions to our remote learning schedule and instruction along the way, based on feedback from families,” says JDS Head of School Vivian Scheidt. “Our teachers have reached out individually to each family to get their input on how their child is doing with remote learning.”

The schools, which already participated in a tech cohort Community of Practice led by Dr. David Wicks, Seattle Pacific University’s chair of Digital Education Leadership, also made sure they had the right tools to conduct classes, including Zoom, Edpuzzle, Google Meet, Kahoot!, Camtasia, Screencast-O-Matic and Seesaw. Since traditional teaching won’t work on these platforms, NYHS Head of School Jason Feld says they’ve encouraged teachers to come up with exciting new methods. “The charge to the faculty was to be brave in experimentation and to really let learning objectives drive the technology, not the other way around.” Teachers at NYHS have drawn on what they learned during Seattle’s 2019 “Snowmaggedon,” such as using flipped instruction, a blended learning strategy that allows the students to see the material before the class and then dive deeply into it with their classmates during school hours. “That experience really did serve us quite well in preparation for this year,” says Feld. As schools try out different modalities for remote learning, they are discovering the value of using a variety of formats, including full class groups, small groups and individualized meetings, as well as instructional goal reassessment. “Beyond the objectives of getting through a syllabus and finals, we are finding that instruction has become learner-centric, with students increasingly driving their learning and building community in a more thoughtful and intentionally deeper way. This has really been the silver lining of distance learning,” says Feld.

SHA Head of School Rivy Poupko Kletenik emphasizes that learning is the focus, but community building and engagement are vital as well. SHA has organized a drive-by food drive and held virtual events for Jewish holidays and days of remembrance. Each of the schools is engaging with people inside and outside of their school community by hosting open virtual classes, celebrations and commemorations.

“Our Jewish day school partners have been doing an incredible job making sure students stay connected and continue receiving exemplary academic instruction in these unprecedented times,” says Connie Kanter, CEO of the Samis Foundation, an organization that provides grants to support K–12 Jewish education in Washington state and initiatives in Israel. Samis supports scholarships, tech education, special needs and professional development for seven Jewish day schools in the Seattle area. The foundation has put a particular emphasis on supporting the schools’ technology needs for the past decade. “We hope other educators in the public and private sectors can benefit from our schools’ models.”

While schools and families are taking this tough situation one day at a time, 10 years from now, some are optimistic that students will look back at this moment with reflection. “I hope that they will remember this as a time of personal growth, and as a time where a lot of what we talk about in our dayto-day learning of grit, resilience, kindness and community was tested in a real way during this crisis,” says Feld. “My hope is that instead of feeling isolated, they will have some meaningful memories.”

NYHS seniors assist with the reconstruction of a home damaged during Hurricane Katrina.

continued from page 15 While global change is impressive, there is also plenty of work to be done right in our own backyard. And Jewish day schools are getting in on the action there, too.

Supporting the local community through acts of kindness

Emerging from the pandemic, local Jewish schools have poured countless hours into building community and offering services to ensure their students and families feel a stronger sense of connection and responsibility. Providing meaningful experiences through volunteer work is one way the schools are strengthening bonds. Working with the Seattle Parks and Recreation department this past year, students at the Seattle Jewish Community School (sjcs.net) planted hundreds of daffodil bulbs to honor the memory of children who perished in the Holocaust and to call attention to those suffering in humanitarian crises today. Students had the opportunity to aid local wetlands in the process. At MMSC Day School (mmscdayschool.org), giving back comes in the form of spreading joy. Students routinely craft holiday cards and gift baskets for the elderly and those in need.

Similarly, at Seattle Hebrew Academy (seattlehebrewacademy.org), every year students partner with Jewish Family Service (jfsseattle.org) to combat food insecurity by participating in multiple food drives as part of the school’s mission to prepare future generations to lead lives of service and fulfill mitzvot (commandments) in Seattle, Israel and worldwide. Sharing in this mission is Torah Day School of Seattle (tdsseattle.org) and Derech Emunah (derechemunah.com), where students provide service to the community by hosting blood and bone marrow drives.

Increasing access

To increase accessibility and participation in high-quality experiential Jewish education for youth in Washington state, the Samis Foundation launched its Day School Affordability Initiative in 2022.

JDS teacher Nance Adler in Germany, teaching about Jewish resistance during the Holocaust. According to foundation CEO Connie Kanter, “Our mission is to support Jewish continuity through the education of Jewish youth. Jewish day schools are the most impactful way for us to cultivate future Jewish community members and leaders.” To make Jewish day schools in the Seattle area more accessible to families that are juggling important financial priorities, the program ensures that for families earning up to $350,000, K–12 tuition will not exceed $15,000 per year per child or 15 percent of the family’s adjusted gross income, whichever is lower. This initiative is aimed at aiding families that don’t qualify for traditional financial aid and as a result, are priced out of giving their children a day-school education. The opportunity to immerse themselves in their unique Jewish heritage, traditions and community, and emerge with an education that instills the value of giving back from both a local and global perspective, should be available to every student. Ultimately, this is what the Day School Affordability grant program is all about. While it will take a generation for today’s students to grow up and embody the principles of leadership, communal responsibility, charitable giving and the importance of doing acts of kindness in the world, that feels like an outcome well worth waiting for. To learn more about sending your child to Jewish day school and to find out if your family is eligible to receive a Day School Affordability Initiative grant, visit the Samis Foundation website at samisfoundation.org.

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THE SAMIS FOUNDATION SUPPORTS K–12 JEWISH EDUCATION IN The Samis Foundation supports intensive, immersive Jewish education in WASHINGTON STATE AND INITIATIVES IN ISRAEL. FOR MORE Washington state and initiatives in Israel. Visit samisfoundation.org to learn more. INFORMATION, VISIT SAMISFOUNDATION.ORG.