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Bullying, continued from page 1
What is Bullying?
The American Academy of Pediatrics defines bullying as “a form of aggression in which one or more children repeatedly and intentionally intimidate, harass, or physically harm a victim who is perceived as unable to defend herself or himself.”
Children may be teased or bullied for many reasons, including academic or sports performance, friendships and group membership, clothes, physical appearance, and changes associated with puberty. While physical acts may come to mind first, in reality our children are more likely to experience verbal or psychological forms of bullying, such as name calling, threats, or exclusion.
What animates bullying is its repetitive nature, and the implicit power imbalance between the perpetrator(s) and their target. That power imbalance (which may be physical or psychological) is a key reason why kids should seek adult help from parents and the School, according to Jerry Katz, even if they fear reprisals for “tattling.”
“A parent might say, I want you to know this is happening, but I promised my son that you wouldn’t confront [the bullies] because that would just make things worse,” he says. “That’ s untenable.” He notes that the administration makes a point to rectify the power imbalance by putting the full authority of the school behind the alleged victim. “We won ’t tolerate it getting worse. If it happens again, they will deal with me.”
Community Values
The Parents’ Handbook and the Upper Division ’ s Student Rights and Responsibilities Handbook contain statements on bullying and harassing behavior. But as Olivia points out, “There ’ s no way to [counter bullying] just through rules or preaching; it’s not for lack of knowledge that kids sometimes participate. The real question is: How will you act if you see someone being treated unkindly? Will you stay true to your values?”
Critical concepts for bullying prevention – treating others with respect, appreciating individuality and differences – are also among the core values that Park emphasizes constantly, whether in classrooms, on playing fields, or during assemblies. “And it has to be backed up by parents,” says Margo Smith, chair of the Growth Education Department. If a parent driving a carpool hears kids making mean comments, for instance, “We really hope the parent will say, ‘That’s not how I expect you to behave. ’ We have to constantly talk to our children about being fair and respectful – even to kids they may not particularly like.” While Park students are not immune from engaging in teasing or other unkind acts, those core values create an expectation that bullying is not acceptable.
If an incident occurs, the School’s administration listens to both sides of the story and looks for underlying issues that need to be addressed (for bully and victim). “We have relationships with these kids over time,” Jerry Katz explains. “We might say, ‘This is not like you; what’ s going on?’ It helps that we are talking to kids we know, from families we know.” At the same time, the message is unambiguous. “It’s not OK. It needs to stop, and there will be consequences if the behavior continues. Nine times out of 10, the behavior stops.” In more complicated cases, the School can suspend a student for a day, and, if necessary but rarely, can decline to invite the student back to Park for the next year.
Cyberbullying
Digital technology – cell phones with cameras, text messaging, video chatting, social networking sites – provides new avenues for bullying, often out of the reach or knowledge of parents. Growth Education classes help Upper Division students think about the consequences of messages that can be transmitted in a moment, and sometimes anonymously, but persist in cyberspace.
Facing Bullies: Advice from Park
FOR STUDENTS:
• It’s not OK to get laughs at the expense of someone else’s well-being. • Don’t ignore bullying and hope it will go away. • If you are the target of hurtful behavior (or witness it), tell your parents and the School (e.g., teacher, advisor, Division
Head, Dr. Moorehead-Slaughter, or Mr. Katz). • Remember that if the bully gets in trouble, it will be because of his or her behavior – and not because you told an adult. • Don’t reciprocate by bullying back; it just makes it worse. • Don’t be a bystander; tell the bully to stop. • You have a right to feel safe, emotionally and physically, when you come to school.
FOR PARENTS:
• Don’t try to talk directly to the alleged bully’s parents; go through the School. All parents involved will instinctively defend their child.
• If your child feels emotionally or physically unsafe at school, tell the School.
• Don’t overreact until you have all the facts. • Keep talking to your children about how they treat other people – including kids they don’t consider to be friends. • Keep talking to your children about their digital communications and online personas, and consider what level of monitoring may be appropriate.
