Paul Orford

GC:Investigates

Ohio Dad Booked 6 Flights Just to Join His Flight Attendant Daughter During Her Christmas Shifts

As GC spends an unhealthy amount of time on Linkedin, we decided it is time to investigate the real* story behind some of the most viral posts that you see on the platform. In this edition we saw a huge amount of people posting this image on their feeds...but what is the real story behind the image?**...Let GC dig for the truth! Poor Stuart Doorhandle had the misfortune of suffering from pistanthrophobia, which the medical profession has labelled for the phobia of getting emotionally hurt, or not being able to trust your partner in a consenting adult relationship.

In his younger years, Stuart was gainfully employed as a baggage handler at Les Dennis International airport,

where he developed quite an attraction to flight attendants based on their deadeyes smiles and having the wonderful ability to add every makeup product featured within the flight catalogue to their face..

For Stuart his job was a match made in heaven,with Friday nights spent with a different maiden of the air. Both his physical and emotional attachment to air hostesses, sadly led to a long track record of various whirlwind romances, followed by relationship break down and finally divorce from these mile high mavericks of food service.

As the years passed, Stuart found solace in his life with his daughter becoming a flight attendant. Although initially he was incredibly happy that she had graduated to serve both hot and cold drinks at over 10,000 feet, sadly Stuart’s pistanthrophobia reared its ugly face again, leading him to project his personal fears and develop wolf-like in his protection of his daughter.

On a monthly basis, Stuart could be found booking multiple flights to cover Emily’s roster taking him to many of Europe’s premier third and fourth tier airports. By taking a look at his Instagram profile, his followers could see tired eyed selfies holding his latest e-ticket to clarify to the viewer that he had moved from A to B.

From Stuart’s valuable aerial experience, he knew that he could annex that valuable extra legroom by breaking the absolute no go fourth wall of travel by making extended discussions with the person sitting next to you. With the wheels going up, Stuart took this as his cue to aimlessly drift beyond the internationally agreed chat demarcation lines, and could often be found exposing vast and elaborate conspiracy theories about the popular air miles program being nothing more than a tracking device for the global elite.

Sadly due him being destroyed financially by multiple divorces from the flying femme fatalles, Stuart encouraged Emily to work for a low cost airlines as the multiple daily flights were eating into his meagre savings.

With that Emilys dream of representing one of the major flag carriers disappearing faster than her ankle shape from fluid build up from too many flights, she claimed her future and treasured every moment with her father who became affectionately known as ‘crazy Stu’ to his fellow travellers.

Sadly this is the last known picture of Stuart and Emily before his health deteriorated from a 16 year dietary existence of aeroplane food, and washing himself with baby wipes within the restricted confines of the onboard toilet.

The lessons we can learn from this tale is that it is perfectly fine to impose and project your way of life, and possibly your crumbling world view /sanity on your children. Even when they leave home and have a job that geographically aims to put as much distance between the two of you.You must be like a lead weight around your child’s dreams at all costs!

We salute you Stuart!

*None of this is true and should not be treated as such.

**Seriously, this is all made up..