Staple's Fables II

Staples Fables A children’s book for grownups

by John Staples

Staples Fables II

Staples Fables II is the second volume of an original book of reflections of the author, John Staples.

Conceived as a children’s book for grownups, it follows the pattern of the classical Aesop’s Fables but is in no other way related to the latter. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

For information address inquiries to: John Staples, JStaplesbooks 20 Blythe Street, Kernersville, NC 27284.

Copyright © November 2011 by John Staples All rights reserved.

Published by JStaplesbooks 20 Blythe Street Kernersville, NC 27285 Book and cover design by John Staples ISBN 978-1-4507-9905-8 The author may be reached by e-mail at jstaples@triad.rr.com

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Staples Fables II Foreward and acknowledgement I owe the creation of this three volume book in part to my good friends and co-writers of the Triad Writers Roundtable in Kernersville, North Carolina, who for years encouraged me to put more dialogue into my fiction. It took several years to convince me, but I finally got the message.

Staples Fables I, II and III therefore is a collection of short reflections patterned after the classic Aesop’s Fables. In it I have attempted to outline some of my basic beliefs and attitudes about human culture and society as seen through the eyes and ears of a group of forest animals.

In the process I have stumbled across some of what I believe are the paradoxes and ironies of human existence as compared with those of the so-called lower animals.

For instance, while our evolutionary kin are believed to live merely by instinct and genetic heredity, their survival and social skills often appear more human than humans’. Consider that animals have no governments, no financial systems, no armies or navies, no commerce, no stock markets, no political ideologies, no fashions, no so-called psychology, philosophies or religions and that they get along quite well together in most circumstances.

They seldom commit suicide, murder or other forms of personal mayhem and, in spite of all their supposedly inhuman traits, they often survive as long or longer than humans.

There is little wonder why we love our pets as much as our children. They are often more civilized.

John Staples November 2011 3

Staples Fables II

Table of Contents The Weather The Storm Worry Humor Lifestyles Experience Entertainment The Rat Race Labor Day Holidays History Religion Politics God Why? Theoretical Physicists Heaven or Hell?

The Energy Crisis The Terrorist Threat The Noblest Cause The Past The Present Angels Staples Fables 4

Staples Fables II Staples Fables, Volume II The Crow’s Nest Congress continues.

The Weather Carrie the crow, Roseanne the robin and Oscar the owl looked down from their perches in the stately oak tree to their friends on the ground. Among them were Sam the dog, Merl the squirrel and Randy the rabbit.

Thus far it had been a beautiful August day, but there was some perceptible tension in the air. All the members of the Crow’s Nest Congress felt it, but none knew exactly what it was or what it meant.

“Did you feel that?” said Carrie.

“What?” said Roseanne.

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Staples Fables II “That!” said Carrie. “That rustle. It feels like a storm’s brewing somewhere.”

“It’s probably just your imagination,” said Roseanne.

“I don’t know,” said Carrie. “It’s the beginning of hurricane season and there have already been storms in the Atlantic. So far none of them has reached us, but you never know. You can’t be too careful.”

“I don’t think it’s a storm,” said Sam, offering his two cents worth. “I think it’s an earthquake, Carrie.

Earthquakes are harder to judge than hurricanes.”

“What would you know about earthquakes? Have you ever been in or near one?”

“Oh, sure,” said Sam. “Earthquakes happen all the time. We’re just not aware of them because they’re mostly underground and, like ripples on a pond, we just take them for granted. They don’t make a lot of 6

Staples Fables II noise unless they happen on a major fault line. Then, of course, it’s Katy bar the door.”

“What’s a fault line?” said Carrie.

“It’s when something’s at fault, stupid,” said Myrtle, who just arrived.

“Who’s Katy?” asked Randy. “Do I know her?”

“Probably not,” said Sam. “She works at the Woodland Tavern.

“I don’t go to taverns,” said Randy.

“I don’t blame you,” Roseanne interjected.

“Taverns are mostly for thirsty travelers and bored businessmen.”

“Why are taverns only for travelers and business people? What’s wrong with a rabbit going into a tavern if he wants to?”

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Staples Fables II “Well,” said Sam, “pets are generally welcome, but rabbits aren’t. They tend to get in the way.”

“The way of what?” asked Randy.

“The way of the normal creatures..

“What are you talking about, Sam?” asked Roseanne. “What’s more normal than a rabbit? I think they’re cute.”

“They are cute, but they aren’t normal,” said Sam. “Their ears are too long and their hind legs don’t match their front ones. They look like something out of Alice in Wonderland.”

“I resent that,” said Randy. “I’m perfectly normal and I don’t think anyone would find me any less normal than an owl. Besides, look at kangaroos. Most people love kangaroos and their legs don’t match either.”

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Staples Fables II At the mention of his species, Oscar opened a previously shut eye and peered down at the group.

“You all are mixing apples and oranges,” he said to Randy. “Rabbits and owls don’t mix, although I have been known to eat a rabbit on occasion. They’re quite tasty, actually.”

“That’s disgusting,” said Randy. “Who brought up this subject anyway?”

“You did,” said Sam. “You said you should be able to go into taverns.”

“Well, I’m sorry I said it, but I still think rabbits are quite normal given that we’re soft and cuddly and that we hardly ever get into fights with others. I don’t see why anyone would believe we’re abnormal.”

“Maybe it’s because your kind has gotten a lot of bad press over the years,” said Roseanne. “Remember that giant imaginary rabbit called Harvey that stirred 9

Staples Fables II up a lot of trouble in the theatre? And then there was the rabbit that chased the President—what’s his name?

Jimmy Carter, I think. I guess that’s when rabbits began to get a bad rap. Before that, of course, you caught a lot of grief because you were always eating out of other people’s gardens. And then there’s your unquestioned reputation for indiscriminate sex.

There’s no doubt rabbits are definitely not among the social elite of this world.”

“And you think owls are?”

“Of course,” said Oscar.

The Storm The discussion of storms and earthquakes had aroused some fears in several of the younger members of the Congress.

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Staples Fables II “What would we do if we had an earthquake on our fault line?” said Timothy, the tree frog. “Where would we go?”

“Who said anything about a fault line?” asked Merl.

“Sam said earthquakes aren’t bad unless they happen on a major fault line,” said Roseanne. “He didn’t explain what a fault line is.”

“It must be when something or someone is at fault.

Of course something or someone is always at fault,” said Randy. “You know, as in ‘it’s never my fault, it’s always your fault’.”

“That’s quite a cogent observation,” said Sam. “Unfortunately, it’s not the right one.”

“Then tell us what is,” Randy demanded.

Oscar intervened. “A fault line is a geological term for tectonic plates that don’t fit together. When 11

Staples Fables II they begin to rub each other the wrong way, they cause what is commonly known as an earthquake.

That’s a major disturbance of the earth’s crust and it can cause serious damage to one’s nerves.”

“Why is that?” asked Merl.

“Because when the earth begins to shake beneath your feet, you don’t have anything stable to hold onto.

It’s like being out at sea during a bad storm.”

“So earthquakes and storms are not all that different?”

“I didn’t say that,” Oscar replied. “Storms are caused by the weather, which is caused by the rotation of the earth, but earthquakes are caused by the earth itself.”

“Like when Mother Earth gets mad and decides to warn all of us that we’re getting out of hand?”

“Something like that,” said Oscar.

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Staples Fables II “Besides not being all that different, why are earthquakes and storms somewhat alike?” asked Carrie the crow.

“Well, they both can create a lot of havoc and do a lot of damage to people and property,” said Oscar.

“What about us non-people?” asked Randy.

“Well, they can do a lot of damage to us, too, but not for the reasons you might think.”

“Then what are the reasons?”

“Well, they can shake down our trees and flood our holes and caves. They can even start fires that burn down our woods and ruin the fruits and nuts we depend on for food.”

“What are the reasons we might think but aren’t the reasons they cause us grief?”

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Staples Fables II “Well,” said Oscar, “the reason they don’t cause us grief is because we really don’t know what grief is, plus the fact that we don’t think much at all.”

“Explain that, please!” said Merl.

“Well, to put it simply, we don’t worry much about storms and earthquakes because we don’t worry about anything much. ‘Worry’ is a worrisome word and a time-waster, but it’s meant mainly for humans.”

“Why is that?”

“Because people like to think and to worry.”

“Why?” “Because they believe thinking makes them smart and that being smart is the best thing a person can be—unless they’re rich, of course. A lot of smart, rich people worry more than others because they think they might lose their wealth or their smarts, and then 14

Staples Fables II they would be just like the rest of us, which they think is not good enough.”

“Why is that?”

“They think that because we don’t think, we aren’t smart. Have you never heard the expression ‘just a dumb animal’? Of course you have. It’s one of the most abused clichés in the language, but it just goes to show how stupid smart people really are.”

“You mean you think thinking is the bane of the upper classes?” said Sam. “Of course,” said Oscar. “Thinking is the favorite preoccupation of smart people. Of course they don’t’ have to think about where their next meal is coming from, so their thinking is mostly a hobby, like bridge and gossip.”

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Staples Fables II

Worry The subjects of thinking and worry had never come up in the CNC as far as most of the members of the group could remember. They just weren’t things woodland animals considered important to their daily lives, which were spent mostly in gathering and distributing food, staying out of the way of predators and taking care of their young.

Even the predators weren’t something to worry about. They were simply a fact of life to be avoided if possible. If not possible, the animals did not grieve excessively over the loss of a friend or loved one. Life and death were seen merely as opposite sides of the coin of life, each one being essential to the other.

“Without life there is no death, and without death there is no life,” said Oscar, the learned owl. “The one defines the other.”

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Staples Fables II “That is easy for you to say,” said Myrtle the turtle, “since you yourself are a predator and spend most of your time looking down on the rest of us from your high and mighty position in the tree. We groundlings aren’t so fortunate, as we must be on guard from dangers from the earth and the sky. The earthquakes and the hurricanes are a significant threat to us.”

“I must say that I can sympathize with your opinion, but I cannot change the condition of your life or your life expectancy,” said Oscar. “Only God can do that, and apparently God has made his decision and we all must abide by it.”

“Well, it isn’t fair,” said Myrtle. “We didn’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Of course, you did,” Oscar replied. “You chose to be who you are and you must live with that choice.”

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Staples Fables II “How do you figure that?” said Myrtle, muttering to herself as if no one else was listening. “I did not choose to be a turtle. Why would I do that? It’s a life a constant slogging through the mud and the rain and being unable to outrun even the slowest of quadrupeds. Our shells are practically the only protection we have from you and other predators.

Who wants to withdraw from life every time a threat presents itself? I think you should reconsider your opinion that I chose my life.”

“Let me pose a question,” replied Oscar. “As far as I know, it is a question that every living creature must consider.”

“Pose away!” said Myrtle.

“The question is simply this: When you were nothing more than the tiniest organism no bigger than a couple of dozen molecules deposited in your mother with several hundred or several thousand other 18

Staples Fables II molecules, each one anxious to become the next baby turtle, did you not exert yourself to the utmost to become the chosen one?”

“Well, of course,” said Myrtle, “but what does that have to do with anything?”

“Then did you not choose to become the turtle that was to be born from your effort?”

“Well, perhaps, but I cannot say that I chose it, because at the time I was not conscious of what I was doing.”

“How many of us are fully conscious of what we are doing when we do something that requires our just doing it?” asked Oscar. “In fact, when something requires our complete concentration to complete, seldom do we respond by thinking too much about how or why we should do it. Instead, we just do it and it usually turns out to be the right thing, unless, of 19

Staples Fables II course, we are one of those unfortunate creatures who has a criminal mind. Then the ‘just doing it’ is another matter altogether.”

“I never looked at it that way,” said Myrtle.

“Perhaps I chose to be who I am after all.”

“Of course you did,” said Oscar. “Now go and enjoy yourself. You are a lot better off than the humans who live in a shell because they think they did not choose to be who they are.”

Humor After a few weeks the CNC had about all it could take of dealing with serious matters. It was decided that the animals should either take a break or deal with some lighter subjects in their conversations.

“I know,” said Carrie. “Let’s talk about taking a vacation.”

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Staples Fables II “That’s an idiotic suggestion,” said Sam. “We don’t have to talk about it; we’re always on vacation.”

“That’s true,” said Carrie, “but the fact is we never take planned vacations. We just do what we do and it turns out to be a vacation. There’s no anticipation of how much fun we will have if we actually plan a vacation. There’s always fun in anticipation. Well, there’s fun unless we are anticipating going to the doctor or dentist. That’s another matter of course.”

“What are you talking about?” said Sam. “Most of us don’t ever go to the doctor or dentist unless somebody takes us, and then it’s no fun. Doctors and dentists like to prod and poke you too much. I don’t like that sort of thing, so I avoid going whenever possible.”

“I agree with you,” said Carrie, “but just think what it would be like to spend the winter in Aruba or the summer at Lake Tahoe. Can’t you just feel the 21

Staples Fables II warm air or the cool breeze? What could be more pleasant than anticipating such a vacation?”

“How do you know it would be pleasant?” asked Sam. “Have you ever been to either of those places?”

“Well, no, but I’ve read about them and seen pictures of them. They must be nice because people spend thousands of dollars to go there every chance they get. Don’t you ever think you’re missing some of the finer things in life?”

“Like what?”

“Like vacationing in some exotic place you’ve never been to before.”

“Why would I want to do that? It might be nothing like what I imagine.”

“Well,” said Carrie, “if you only want to go to those places that you imagine, why don’t you just stay here and imagine you’re on vacation.”

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Staples Fables II “I think I’ll do that,” said Sam. “I imagine that would be better than going somewhere I’ve never been.”

“Sam, I feel sorry for you,” said Carrie. “You just have no imagination.”

“I guess not.”

Oscar had overheard the entire conversation between Carrie and Sam, of course, and it had aroused his curiosity. They had vowed to discuss some nonserious subject and had ended up on the serious side.

He decided, therefore, to offer the two of them a suggestion.

“Sam,” he said, “why don’t you and Carrie discuss something humorous? After all, life is fatal but not serious.”

“Who said that?” said Merl.

“Somebody you never heard of,” said Oscar.

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Staples Fables II “Good,” said Merl.

“Good humor is what you need,” Oscar said to Sam. “Good humor is always appreciated, especially if it ends a serious discussion.”

“For example?” asked Sam. “For example, take the statement that ‘life is fatal but not serious.’ It’s a short, six-word statement, but it says a lot more than it appears to say.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that life is temporary and should be enjoyed for that reason alone.”

“A cold is temporary. Does that mean we should enjoy it?”

“Well, you could if you accepted it as only a minor distraction. Minor distractions can be a blessing, not a curse.”

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Staples Fables II “Why is that?”

“Because they are minor and temporary. They may hurt now but they will go away in a short time, and you will feel much better when they’re gone than you do now.”

“Does that mean I should anticipate feeling better now?”

“If you like.”

“Good. Then I feel better. I think I will go on vacation after all.”

‘Life is fatal but not serious’ was a favorite thought of Oscar’s. To him it meant that no matter how serious life gets, it’s not serious until it’s fatal.

And even then, it’s not serious because it’s fatal.

Carrie, always a little leery of Oscar’s proclaimed wisdom, was not content to accept everything the old bird said. She accepted the fact that he knew a lot 25

Staples Fables II more than she did, but she did not accept the idea that being old or more experienced in the ways of the world was necessarily a good thing.

Carrie asked Oscar: “How can one be humorous when he knows that one day he will die? Where’s the humor in that?

“Where is there anything else?” Oscar responded.

“Are you saying that in order to understand life, I must accept death?” Carrie asked. “Isn’t that a bit morbid?”

“Morbid, tragic…whatever you like, but not seriously fatal.”

“Why not?”

“Because life is what it is, not what we want or expect it to be. To be or not to be is not the question; it is the answer.”

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Staples Fables II “Where is the sense in that?” asked Carrie.

“In the meaninglessness of everything,” Oscar responded. “When everything is empty and meaningless, we are free to give it any meaning we wish it to have. If I am born poor in a mud hut, I am free to become whatever I am willing to strive to become. It is the reason Abe Lincoln became President and Helen Keller lived to write books. They were able to turn meaninglessness into meaningfulness.”

Lifestyles Carrie and Roseanne and others were concerned that the discussions of the CNC were getting too serious and too philosophical.

“We should concern ourselves only with the practical aspects of life,” said Carrie to Roseanne one 27

Staples Fables II afternoon in late August. “Life should be lived, not debated.”

“I totally agree,” said Roseanne. “Life is too short to spend our days wondering how we should spend our days. We should simply spend them doing what needs to be done.”

“But we do need to spend a little time deciding what should be done, don’t we?” said Carrie. “I mean without a little planning we might go from tree to tree merely wondering why we went from tree to tree.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Roseanne responded.

“Some form of planning is absolutely essential.

Otherwise we might waste a good bit of the time we have on the planet. It’s like some wise man said: He who fails to plan, plans to fail.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go quite that far,” said Carrie.

“Most things in life don’t require a complicated plan.

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Staples Fables II We eat, we sleep, we gather food and we talk about how we do these things. Beyond that, there’s no great need for a plan. Besides, too much planning requires a lot of thought and too much thinking about unessential things is a complete waste of time.”

“Let’s ask Oscar his opinion on the matter,” suggested Roseanne. “After all, he thinks a lot and he always enjoys telling us what he’s thinking.”

Oscar, of course, had followed the conversation of the two birds from the very beginning. He always gave the impression that he slept most of his days away, but in reality he spent most of the time listening to the sounds around him, especially the chatter of the females. While the males were the kings of their castles, the females were the rulers of the roost. The males believed themselves to be in charge, but the females always set the agendas.”

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Staples Fables II “Ahem,” said Oscar, giving notice that he had heard the conversation and was willing to offer his opinion.

“It is my opinion,” he said, “that thinking and planning are essential as long as they do not interfere with being and doing. Being and doing are the sine qua non of the physical world, while thinking and planning are the intellectual and spiritual equivalents of the non-physical world.”

“What does that mean?” asked Carrie.”

“It means that the doers are the movers and shakers of the real world, while the planners and thinkers are the ones who decide what the moving and shaking should be. The latter are those who decide what purpose the moving and shaking should have.

They are the ones who give the purpose to the actions of the former.”

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Staples Fables II “Could you be a little more specific?” said Carrie.

“I don’t understand all this talk of moving and shaking.”

“Well, look at it this way,” said Oscar. “If I am going to build a home or a nest, I must know what kind of home or nest I want before I start. Otherwise, I might not know what specifications are involved. I need to know what materials I will use, what sort of structure it will have, where it will be and how large it will be. Without that, I might build it too large or too small, too fragile or too inaccessible. In other words, a little planning will prevent me from building a nest that is of no use to me.”

“So you are saying that if you just start building something without having a plan, there’s no telling what your nest will look like or whether it will accommodate you and your family?”

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Staples Fables II “That’s exactly right,” said Oscar. “Without a plan, my doing might be totally wasted.”

“Isn’t that what’s been happening in the real estate market these days?” asked Roseanne. “Too many people have been building houses they either didn’t need or couldn’t afford.”

“That’s exactly right,” said Oscar. “Too many of them have been building houses to make themselves look good rather than building them for their functionality, safety and convenience.”

“It’s like if I built a nest so low that any passing fox or ‘possum could get in and steal my chicks then my time and effort are wasted,” suggested Roseanne.

“What’s the use of a house if it doesn’t provide a safe haven for your children?”

“Practically no use at all,” said Oscar.

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Staples Fables II

Experience The conversation about thinking and planning had awakened a new interest in the CNC members’ sense of philosophical rumination. Maybe ‘just doing it’ wasn’t the highest and most noble thing in which a woodland creature could engage after all. They decided that perhaps they should let their minds roam a bit more in the imaginary realm. The only problem was that they didn’t know where the imaginary realm was or how to find it.

As usual, Carrie had a suggestion and was happy to offer it.

“I have heard that ‘experience is the best teacher’,” she said. “Perhaps that is where we should begin. After all, experience is the one thing that we all have.”

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Staples Fables II “Well, of course we have it,” said Sam. “It isn’t hard to come by. You just have to experience something to have it.”

“I have a slight objection to the statement of the premise,” said Roseanne. “No doubt experience is the best teacher, but the statement of it is a cliché and everybody knows that clichés are passé.”

“So what’s wrong with passé?” asked Sam, who didn’t have a Yuppie bone in his body. “Everything about experience is passé, isn’t it? After all, what is passé except something that is a little out of date, like a cliché.”

“But clichés are passé,” said Roseanne. “They have been used so many times they are not fashionable any longer.”

“You are right, of course,” said Sam, “but the pertinent question is why they have been used so 34

Staples Fables II many times, not to mention why something has to be fashionable to be pertinent.”

“What’s pertinent?” asked Randy, the rabbit.

“What does that mean?”

“It means ‘pertaining to something’,” said Sam, who was beginning to sound a bit like Oscar.

“Oh, I understand. Thanks Sam,” Randy said without the slightest idea of what Sam was talking about.

Sam continued. “Well, of course clichés are overused and out of date, but they are overused and out of date because they are basically so true that they have become the icons of experience. For instance, what is more fundamentally sound than ‘Experience is the best teacher’? It may be a passe cliché, but it’s a phrase that has been used for centuries because it is

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Staples Fables II true. Like ‘all that glitters is not gold,’ it is a golden phrase that has glittered throughout the ages.”

As usual, the speaker who held the stage for the longest time won the debate, which technically was not a debate but merely a discussion about what to debate. Sam, perhaps the most laid back animal in the CNC, was beginning to show signs of intellectual prowess. His demeanor caused Carrie the crow to have some second thoughts about his overall brainpower. She surmised that perhaps dogs are man’s best friends because they are the animals that think most like men. “After all,” she said to herself, “they are always lying around and are silent most of the time. They usually speak only when spoken to, and they very seldom bark unless someone disturbs their sleep.” Thus, Carrie decided to join in the discussion about experience, which still was causing problems because no one knew where to begin.

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Staples Fables II “Let’s begin at the beginning,” said Sam with an out-of-date cliché. “Let’s talk about how we acquire experience.”

“Okay,” said Randy. “I have had considerable experience and I am willing to discuss it at length.”

The entire conclave of animals in and under the tree were startled by the rabbit’s offer.

“Tell us then,” said Carrie, “what is the subject of your experience? What have you experienced most?”

“Sex,” said Randy. “I have the most experience at sex.”

The conclave lowered their eyes and shook their heads at the suggestion.

“Here we go again,” said Sam under his breath.

He was willing to listen to Randy for a moment or two, but not for long. He thought: Listening to Randy talk about sex will be like listening to a frog talk about 37

Staples Fables II jumping. Nonetheless, he was willing to cede the floor to the randy rabbit. “Tell us about your experience,” he said.

“Well,” said the rabbit, “sex is like sleep. When you do it when you feel like it, it makes you happy and contented. In fact, you smile a lot and you sleep a lot. That’s why rabbits seldom get into trouble with other animals. They are always happy and contented.”

“But you can’t just do it all the time,” said Sam. “If you did, you wouldn’t get anything else done.”

“What else is there to do?” asked Randy. “You said we can’t go to taverns or play in an orchestra, so what should we do but have sex and propagate our kind? One day we will outnumber the humans and take over the world, and it will be a better place because everyone will have sex at will and be happy and contented all the time. It will be just like heaven, except everyone’s ears will be longer.”

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Staples Fables II Sam thought a moment about Randy’s statement and then he realized that the rabbit might be right. In the ‘70s the hippies had taken the idea and slept with it and they had changed the world to some degree.

Unfortunately, they had run to a problem kind of like the one the Congress was discussing. It was the problem of what to do when they were not eating, sleeping and having sex.

The Congress agreed that Randy had a point, but that they would have to study the subject a bit further.

They decided that in order to look into it in depth they would have to form a committee to report back at the next meeting. With that, they adjourned for the day.

Entertainment The CNC decided they should find something to entertain themselves during their occasional lapses of intellectual exploration. Carrie said the group needed 39

Staples Fables II something to take their minds off the serious discussions they had fallen into. “We need something to do other than talk about the issues of the day,” she said. “We need something to take our minds off the day-to-day doldrums.”

“What are doldrums?” asked Randy.

“They’re boring periods of inactivity,” said Roseanne.

“You mean something depressing?”

“Something like that.”

“Let’s go fishing,” said Oscar. “Fishing is fun unless you’re a fish.”

“What do fish do for fun?” asked Sam. “They swim,” said Oscar.

“Isn’t that kind of like being in the doldrums?” asked Randy.

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Staples Fables II “Only if you aren’t a fish,” said Oscar.

“But you have to have fishing gear to go fishing, don’t you?” said Sam. “Well, yes, unless you have claws like an eagle, a hawk or an owl,” said Oscar.

Sam said he didn’t think fishing would be very entertaining. “Besides fishing is like foraging for food. It’s too much like work.”

“Not if you’re a human. A lot of fishermen fish for food but even more of them fish just to fish.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” said Randy. “Who does something just to be doing something?”

“Let’s go for something else,” Sam suggested.

“How about a game of Monopoly?”

“What’s Monopoly?” asked Randy.

“It’s a board game,” said Sam. 41

Staples Fables II “What’s a board game?”

“It’s a game you play on a board.”

“Doesn’t sound like much fun to me,” said Randy.

“What’s the object of the game?”

“To stay on the board and win as much money and property as you can.”

“Does somebody want to push me off the board?”

“Yes.” “Who?” “The other players.”

“Why do they want to do that?”

“For the fun of it,” said Sam. “Doesn’t sound much like fun to me.”

“Well, like anything else, you have to try it to know whether you like it.”

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Staples Fables II “You mean like going to taverns and drinking beer?”

“Something like that.”

“Maybe I’ll try Monopoly first.”

“You’re a real sport, Randy.”

“But what if I win the game?”

“Then you get to push the other players off the board.”

“Doesn’t sound like much fun to me, but let’s suppose I win. You say I get all the property and money. What do I do with them?”

“You can sell the property and pocket the money,” said Sam. “How would I do that? I don’t have a pocket,” said Randy. “Where’s the fun in that?”

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Staples Fables II “Have you never wanted to be the top dog, the king of the hill, the head man, the CEO?” asked Sam. “They get to make all the important decisions and they get paid millions of dollars. Have you never wanted to be rich and do whatever you wanted to do?”

“You mean like sleeping late in the mornings, not getting up and going to work, and eating and copulating whenever I want?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, that’s what I do every day. I must be rich already. “ “I never thought about it that way,” said Sam. “We could form a club for the rich.”

“I thought that’s what we were,” said Randy.

“That’s why I joined this group.”

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Staples Fables II

The Rat Race The members of the CNC assembled early the next day. Roseanne had said the gathering would be special because some new topics of conversation would begin. “It is time that we looked into the real basis of our existence and formulated a declaration of our intent to follow our basic instincts,” she said.

“Otherwise we may lose track of our purpose and fall into the same trap that humans have fallen into.”

“What trap is that?” asked Randy.

“The rat-race trap,” said Roseanne.

“What’s the rat race?” Randy inquired.

“It’s the race that has no purpose, takes up everybody’s time, wears them all out and is never over.”

“Doesn’t sound like much fun.”

45

Staples Fables II “Believe me, it isn’t,” said Roseanne. “It’s a continuous treadmill that nobody likes but nobody knows how to get off of.”

“Why is that?”

“Because it is a closed-in track with no exit.”

“Kind of like a circle?”

“Exactly.”

“How did the humans get on that that kind of a track?”

“Well, it’s long track that looks like it goes somewhere and there’s a lot of traffic on it that looks interesting until one gets on it. But once you’re on it, you discover it doesn’t go anywhere in particular and it doesn’t end anywhere either. You can’t get off because there are no exits until the final one which comes when you collapse and die. Then someone 46

Staples Fables II comes out to scrape you off the pavement and dispose of your remains.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Well, before they dispose of you, they have a gathering of your closest friends and relatives and everybody says nice things about you and how you fought the good fight and how you will be fondly remembered, and then the very closest relatives will get together and argue over who gets the money and property you happened to have collected along the way. Afterwards, everybody goes home and prepares to get back on the track the next day.”

“It all sounds very depressing,” said Randy. “Why do people do it?”

“Mostly because everybody says it’s the thing to do, but mainly it’s because it’s the system society sets up to make life seem sensible.”

47

Staples Fables II “How do you know all this, Roseanne? How is it that you can see what’s going on but the people in the rat race can’t see what they’re doing?”

“Because I can fly and I can see the whole track and the fact that it has no exit and no end.”

“Isn’t that kind of like having a God’s-eye view of everything?”

“Well, now that you put it that way, I guess it is.”

“I hate to say it, but I am still confused,” said Randy. “If there’s no credible purpose to this socalled rat race and no end to it, why does everybody do it? Why don’t they just sit down and die and be done with it?”

“Because they have convinced themselves that the purpose of the race is just to run it because it is there.

Have you never done something just to be doing it?

I’m sure you have. When you do something just to do 48

Staples Fables II it and you don’t think about it too much, it takes on a kind of life of its own. And you don’t mind because you’re out of your mind, and doing anything when you’re out of your mind is actually quite enjoyable.

It’s not only enjoyable, it’s stimulating and exciting, kind of like being on drugs.”

“What are drugs?” asked Randy.

“They are the subject for another day,” said Roseanne.

Labor Day Labor Day was over and it seemed that everybody in the country was on the move. The CNC members noticed the amount of traffic on the roads and highways and wondered what was going on. Sam was especially concerned because he had trouble crossing the road that morning. “I’ve never seen so many cars,” 49

Staples Fables II he said. “I thought everybody must be leaving the country.”

Carrie, too, had seen the increase in traffic and was curious as to what had caused it. “I think everybody went away for the weekend and waited until the last minute to come back,” she said. “It looked as if nobody was obeying the speed limit.”

“What’s a speed limit?” asked Randy.

“It’s a limit on how fast one is supposed to drive,” said Oscar from his exalted perch. “One can get a ticket if he goes too fast.”

“What’s a ticket?” asked Randy.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll never get one,” said Oscar.

Not satisfied with the answer, Randy continued.

“What’s too fast?” he asked.

50

Staples Fables II Oscar rolled his eyes and looked toward the sky.

“Faster than you’re supposed to go,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But how fast am I supposed to go?” Randy asked “Just fast enough to get where you’re going,” said Oscar, who was becoming annoyed at the rabbit’s ceaseless questions. “If you don’t get there on time, you didn’t go fast enough.

If you get there on time, you went fast enough. If you don’t get there at all, chances are you went too fast, had a wreck and ended up as road-kill stew.”

“That doesn’t sound very pleasant,” said Randy.

“Believe me, it isn’t, but you won’t know it if you’re in the stew because you’ll be long gone.”

“Where did I go?” asked Randy 51

Staples Fables II “Probably to that great Lettuce Patch in the sky,” said Oscar.

“That sounds like fun,” said Randy. “I think driving too fast may be okay.”

Oscar rolled his eyes and pretended to go back to sleep.

“Randy,” he said just before dozing off, “wherever you go and whatever you do, it will be all right because you are you, and you will do everything with an open mind and a clear conscience. There’s no doubt in my mind that you will be as happy as an old hog in hog heaven wherever you go. But please do us all one big favor.”

“What’s that?” asked Randy.

“Please stop asking so many stupid questions.”

“I can do that,” said Randy. “but why should I?” 52

Staples Fables II “Because I said so,” said Oscar, who had begun to sound like a frustrated parent.

Holidays The CNC had never considered the possibility of taking a vacation or celebrating a holiday because none of the animals knew what they were. Carrie had previously brought up the subject of vacations only to discover that her woodland friends were always on vacation. Holidays, however, were another matter and, as was her inclination, Carrie suggested they consider the possibility of adjourning during the next holiday.

Forgetting his recent pledge to Oscar, Randy began the discussion in his usual manner. “What’s a holiday?” he asked

53

Staples Fables II Oscar felt compelled to answer him because Oscar felt compelled to answer any question about which he knew the answer.

“A holiday is a special time when people stop what they’re doing in order to celebrate a special occurrence or event,” he said.

“You mean something like a flood or a blizzard?” asked Randy.

“Not exactly,” said Oscar. “It’s usually a celebration of something more important, like the birth of a President or the date of the signing of a historically significant document like the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence.”

“Why should they be celebrated?” asked Randy.

“What did they do that was so important?”

“Well, in the case of Presidents, they are the leaders of the country and they are important just 54

Staples Fables II because they are. Without them, the country would have no one to follow and no one to blame when things go wrong.”

“Why would things go wrong if they are real leaders?” said Sam. “They shouldn’t, but sometimes they do,” Oscar answered.

“Why?” said Sam. “Because no one is right all the time, and Presidents, like the rest of us, make mistakes sometimes. They may be good leaders, but they are not infallible. They occasionally make bad decisions.”

“Like what?” asked Sam. “Like when they believe we should all follow them just because they say so.”

55

Staples Fables II “Shouldn’t we follow them because they say so?”

“Not always,” said Oscar. “Sometimes what they say is not so.”

“I see,” said Sam, “but how do we know what they say is so or not so?”

“We don’t,” said Oscar. “Sometimes we just have to follow them and see if they were right or not.”

“That doesn’t sound very practical,” said Sam. “What do they do if we decide not to follow them?”

“It depends on what we do then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if we follow them and it turns out that they were right, we should continue to follow them, but if it turns out that they were wrong, we should not

56

Staples Fables II follow them and we should suggest that they take a different route.”

“And what if they continue following the same route even though it turns out to be the wrong one?”

“Then we should vote them out of office and elect a new leader.”

“How do we know what route the new leader is going to follow?” asked Carrie.

“We listen to their speeches and decide if we like the route they say they have chosen.”

“What if they say one thing and mean another?” asked Sam. “Then we have another problem,” said Oscar, “and we decide whether or not we should follow them again.”

57

Staples Fables II “This is getting rather tiresome,” said Sam. “Perhaps we should just kick them out and vote again.”

“What good would that do?” asked Carrie.

“We might pick a new leader who vowed to do what he said he would do, and then it would be our fault if it didn’t work out.”

“What if it didn’t work out?” asked Carrie.

“Then we would put our heads together and vote again.”

“Isn’t this getting a little redundant and time consuming?” asked Roseanne.

“Perhaps, but what’s time to a crow?” said Myrtle “Good point,” said Sam. “What’s redundant?” asked Randy.

58

Staples Fables II “Repetitious,” said Oscar. “Like your questions.”

History The conversation about presidential leaders, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution brought up questions about the nation’s history. As usual Randy had questions about history, but he attempted to keep them to himself in order not to be considered redundant or repetitious. Nonetheless, some of the other CNC members had questions of their own.

“Why is history called history instead of herstory?” asked Myrtle? “Didn’t females have as much to do with what happened as males? After all, most of history started with the mistakes made by Adam and Eve together. In fact, it may have been Eve who was

59

Staples Fables II responsible for setting in motion the whole chain of mistakes that make up human history.”

“That’s certainly true,” said Oscar, the de facto historian of the group, “but the story of what happened has been written mostly by men and therefore it is ‘his story’ not ‘her story’.”

“That hardly seems fair,” said Myrtle. “If females were as much a part of his story, why is her story not a part of it?”

“Probably because the males decided they were the most important part of the story,” said Roseanne.

“For the most part they are still claiming to be the most important part of the story.”

“Well, I say that should be changed,” said Myrtle. “I think females should get the credit they deserve, not just the credit for having things turn out badly. Besides didn’t Oscar say males are the kings of 60

Staples Fables II the castles but females rule the roosts? If that’s the case, I think we should hear more about the part females played in the nation’s history.”

“You have a good point,” said Roseanne. “I would be happy to rewrite the history books to explain our part—if I could write. Unfortunately, I’ll just have to sing about it and hope somebody listens and remembers.”

“That’s a good start,” said Oscar. “After all, the first histories were oral histories which were sung or recited. Have you never heard of Psalms?”

“What are Psalms?” asked Roseanne. “They are the songs of David and Solomon and they tell much of the early history of the Israelites.”

“Who are the Israelites?” asked Randy.

“They are the people who live in Israel,” said Oscar.

61

Staples Fables II “Where’s Israel?” asked Randy.

“In the Middle East,” said Oscar.

“Where’s the Middle East?” asked Randy.

“Across the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea,” said Oscar.

“Where….?”

“Don’t go there,” Oscar shouted. “It takes too long.”

“Then why should we be studying the history of Israelites? Are they related to us?”

“If Einstein’s theory of relativity is correct, they are,” said Oscar, “because everything is related to every other thing.”

“Then I am related to the Israelites?”

62

Staples Fables II “Of course,” said Oscar. “That because you are descended from one of the pairs of animals that were on the ark that Noah built to survive the Great Flood.”

“What was the Great Flood?” asked Randy.

“It was the flood that God caused in order to wipe out the Israelites and all the other sinners of his day.”

“Why didn’t He wipe out Noah before starting the flood?”

“Good question,” said Sam.

Religion The CNC had discussed most of the important topics of the day except religion and politics. It had been decided early on that religion was not a subject many of the members knew much about nor why it was so important to the human population. One 63

Staples Fables II question was raised during the debate about holidays, however, and that was a question of the origin of the word ‘holiday’. As usual Oscar said he knew what holidays were about but not how the word itself came about.

“I think I know,” said Randy.”

“Why would you think that?” asked Carrie “There’s little else you seem to know anything about.”

“I know not to end my sentences with prepositions,” the randy rabbit replied. “So maybe I know a little more than you think I know.”

The entire group assembled in and under the tree were startled by the rabbit’s intrepid remark.

“What has come over this ignorant upstart?” said Oscar. “Surely he can’t be serious.”

64

Staples Fables II “Oh, I am quite serious,” said Randy. “Just because I ask a lot of questions doesn’t mean I’m an ignoramus. It means I am just curious.”

“Oh, you are a curious one, you are,” said Carrie, “but now that you have put your rabbit’s foot in your mouth, please continue to astonish us with your previously unknown erudition.”

“What’s erudition?” said Randy in his usual manner.

“Let’s skip it for the time being,” said Oscar.

“Just go ahead and tell us what you know about the origin of ‘holiday.’ We are all waiting with bated breath.”

“Well, as you know, one is usually most knowledgeable about the things that occur in one’s experience, but to a rabbit a holiday has a special significance.”

65

Staples Fables II “And why is that?” queried Sam. “Because we are often a part of the celebration of the holiday known as Easter. Easter bunnies and Easter baskets have been a part of the celebration for centuries.”

“Why is that?” asked Carrie.

“I have no idea. I just know that they have,” said Randy.

“So you are saying that you know about Easter because you and your kind have long been involved in the Easter celebration but you don’t know why?”

“That’s correct,” said Randy.

“Nonetheless, you know why Easter is a major holiday?”

“That’s right.”

“Why?” 66

Staples Fables II “Because a holiday is short for ‘holy day.’

Holidays began as the celebration of holy days.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Of course. Easter was one of the first and most significant of the holy days, other than Christmas, which many people still believe is the holiest day.”

“I think we have had enough talk about religion for the time being,” said Oscar. “Perhaps Randy can enlighten us further at some later date. In the meantime, I think we should move on to some more urgent topic.”

“Like what?” asked Sam. “Like politics,” said Oscar.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about politics,” said Sam 67

Staples Fables II “Why not?” asked Carrie.

“Because it’s a subject fit only for humans. It’s a base, ignoble occupation practiced in the extreme by creatures who do not know how to get along with one another without making asses of themselves,” said Sam. “Supposedly it is the noble art of persuasion, but more often than not it is the art of bribery and arm-twisting.”

“How would you know that?” asked Carrie.

“Because I am man’s best friend and whenever I am told to lie down and be quiet, I lie down and listen up. The things I hear would scare the needles off a porcupine.”

“Would you care to give us an example?”

“Perhaps at a later date.”

“Do you promise to keep your word?”

68

Staples Fables II “Like a true politician,” said Sam. With that, the Congress adjourned.

Politics It had been several days since the subjects of religion, holidays and politics had come up, but most of the CNC members were still wondering what was involved in the so-called art of politics. Oscar, of course, had provided a substantial clue when he described politics as ‘the art of persuasion.’ The phrase, he said, covered many areas of business and governmental management, from the simplest workings of small committees to the administration of national and international governments.

Not having had any experience either in small committees or international governments, the CNC members had no clue as to what Oscar was talking 69

Staples Fables II about. Randy, of course, was the first to pose the question of what a ‘committee’ was.

“It’s usually a group of people who meet to discuss and devise a plan for accomplishing some goal,” said Oscar. “It could be something as simple as deciding what food to serve at a church picnic or something as complicated as regulating the monetary system of an entire nation. Its basic function is to talk about goals and how to accomplish them.”

“Sounds simple enough to me,” said Myrtle, “but I’ve often heard people use the term ‘politics’ as if it were some kind of evil manipulation of people.”

“Indeed, it can be,” said Oscar, “but politics in itself is not inherently evil. It becomes so when it is focused mainly on manipulating the system in some underhanded or conspiratorial way.”

70

Staples Fables II “You mean like choosing to have ham for a Jewish picnic when something else, like kosher beef, would be more appropriate and more to the attendees’ liking?” asked Sam. “Something like that,” said Oscar.

“How does politics play a part in that?” asked Myrtle.

“Well, let’s suppose that kosher beef costs seventy-five cents a pound more than ham but that it is available only at a Jewish market across town, while the ham is available just around the corner at a butcher shop owned by a Catholic. Moreover, the ham can be treated to look and taste like kosher beef. So a committee member says he can buy ‘kosher beef’ for twenty-five cents less than the ham and the committee agrees to let him purchase the beef. The committee member purchases the beef from the Catholic and saves seventy-five cents, fifty cents of which he 71

Staples Fables II pockets for himself. He has saved the committee twenty-five cents a pound and has made fifty cents a pound for himself and everybody is happy.”

“What does all that have to do with politics?” asked Sam. “That is politics the way it is played here and around the world,” said Oscar. “That’s why politics has a bad name everywhere.”

“Where does the art of persuasion come in?” asked Myrtle.

“The committee member who purchased the ham persuaded the committee to go for the lower price,” said Oscar.

“But wasn’t that deceitful?” asked Carrie.

“Yes, but it is what most politicians would call a win-win situation. Everybody except the persuader was fat, dumb and happy, and he was even happier for 72

Staples Fables II he made everybody else happy and got a bonus as well.”

“I see,” said Sam, “but wasn’t he guilty of fraud?”

“Fraud is what it’s called when somebody else does it. When you do it and don’t get caught, you call it good business,” said Oscar. “It’s like selling a twoyear-old suit to a buyer for half price and making a twenty-five percent profit. The manufacturer is happy, the buyer is happy and you are happy. That’s good business, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” said Sam, “but what’s the purpose of business?”

“To make as many people happy as possible.”

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Staples Fables II

God It had been a busy day in and out of the tree and all the animals were tired of all the talk about business and happiness and the purpose of the two. Just for the sake of variety, Roseanne decided to change the subject of the conversation because every now and then, she liked to shake things up a little. Therefore, she decided to bring up a subject that most of the woodland creatures never talked about very much.

She said, “Everywhere I go these days, I hear people talking about God. What do you suppose they are talking about?”

As usual, Oscar had a ready answer. “God is that without which nothing is possible,” he said.

“Without God, nothing exists.”

“What do you mean?” Roseanne shot back. “I had never heard of God until recently and I obviously 74

Staples Fables II exist. In fact, I think I obviously existed before I heard about God.” “That’s because you existed solely in the mind of God and were not aware of your existence until you took a material form,” Oscar replied.

“So, if I understand you correctly,” Roseanne said, “God is a super mind that creates everything and then at some point brings them into being.”

“That’s correct,” said Oscar. “Without the mind of God, you and I and everything else would not be.”

“How do you know?” Roseanne continued.

“Because, like God, you and I have a mind and without our minds, nothing else that we see or hear or feel would be.”

“And just how do you know this?” asked Roseanne.

75

Staples Fables II “Because I have a mind and a mind knows things.”

“And why does a mind know things?” Roseanne continued.

“Because that’s what a mind is for.”

“So you are telling me that because God has a big mind that knows everything, He has created a lot of little minds that know things, also?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” said Oscar.

“Why would He want to do that?” asked the robin.

“Because He wants all the things with little minds to know that He is their creator and that they would not exist without Him.” “You mean like when I have some little robins I have them because I want them to know that they 76

Staples Fables II would not exist unless I had them, and for that reason I care that they exist and that I care about them?”

“Exactly.”

“Well,” said the bird, “if I existed only in the mind of God originally and God created the material me so that I would know that He and I exist only for his purpose, why was all that creating necessary?

Why did He not just let me exist in His mind and not go to all the trouble of letting me exist in mine, because I am sure His existence is much more important than mine?”

“That’s a good point,” said Oscar, “but there is more.”

“How much more?”

“A lot more.”

“Why?” 77

Staples Fables II “Because God decided to give all the things He created in his image the same power of creation that He had—on a smaller scale, of course—and to see if they would use their power correctly. In other words, He gave almost all of us free will.”

“Why did He do that?”

“Because He wanted us to know what it was like to think like God.” “I don’t get it,” said Roseanne. “If we all have free will, that gives us the ability to think like God but it also gives us the ability not to think like God. So what was the purpose of this free will?”

“To see if we would handle it. In other words, to see if could handle ourselves properly, according to His will?”

“And did we handle ourselves properly?”

“Most of us did,” said Oscar, “but not all of us.”

78

Staples Fables II “Which ones of us didn’t?” asked Roseanne “The human ones,” said Oscar.

“Why not?”

“Because they have stronger minds and more free will and don’t have to.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Roseanne.

“Apparently it makes perfect sense to God,” said Oscar. “Who are we to question His wisdom?”

“We don’t, but the humans do?”

“Yes.” “Why?” “Because they are thinking creatures who question everything.” said Oscar.

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Staples Fables II

Why? Roseanne was perplexed by Oscar’s recent assertion that some humans sometimes question God’s wisdom, and she was determined to learn more.

“Why do thinking creatures question everything?” she inquired of Oscar.

“Because they can,” was the owl’s succinct answer.

“What kind of answer is that?” the robin continued.

“A definitive one,” said Oscar.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s an answer that ends all other questions that start with ‘Why?’” said the owl.

80

Staples Fables II “But why?” Roseanne asked, illustrating the stubborn streak that woodland animals sometimes exhibit.

“Why does the moon shine? Why does rain fall?

Why does time fly? Why do people talk? Why is no doubt the most persistent word in the world, but why?”

“Because that’s the way it is?” asked Roseanne.

“Exactly,” said Oscar, hoping it would end Roseanne’s persistent questioning. Of course, it didn’t and she continued.

“But why is everything the way it is?” the curious bird asked. “Why isn’t it some other way?”

Oscar seemed puzzled for a moment or two before offering one of his most profound statements.

Then he answered. “Because if it was some other way

81

Staples Fablesd II then that would be the way it is—or was, or might be or might have been,” he said.

“But why?” was Roseanne’s inevitable retort.

“Because God said so,” Oscar intoned with the attitude of a Supreme Court judge. “God is the Supreme Commander, the Supreme Ruler and the Supreme Judge,” the owl continued. “He is the first and the last word about everything because everything is His. We and the humans are only using His world and His words because He lets us. Of course, He lets the humans use more words than we because He made them to be like Him.” “Doesn’t that make them gods like Him?” Roseanne inquired once more.

“Of course, but they are lesser gods,” said Oscar. “Their powers are not as great and they themselves are of a temporary design and duration. He 82

Staples Fables II lasts forever, while they last only a few decades or more.”

Anticipating the next ‘why’ from Roseanne, Oscar said, “If they lasted more than a few decades, their power to make mischief would undoubtedly lead to extreme civil disobedience and unrest that might ultimately threaten even the planet itself.”

“In other words, they would have the power to destroy what God has created?” said Roseanne.

“Possibly,” answered Oscar.

“But aren’t they capable of doing that already?” asked the red-breasted bird.

“In the case of the planet, they are,” said Oscar.

“But in the case of the universe, it is much too large and too diverse for an infinitesimally small creature like the humans to handle.”

83

Staples Fables “Then why does God let them do it to the planet?” asked Roseanne.

“Because he can,” was Oscar’s final answer.

Theoretical Physicists Few if any of the other animals in or under the tree had heard the conversation between Oscar and Roseanne regarding God and his universe. It was probably a good thing because few if any of them would have had any concept of what the intellectual birds were talking about.

That was often the case when Oscar engaged someone in conversation. In fact, if Oscar had been a human, he would undoubtedly have been a theoretical physicist. His mathematical abilities were no different than those of any other animal, but his ability to 84

Staples Fables weave them into seemingly sensible patterns of arcane possibility was so great that even he was sometimes amazed. No doubt it was because he had stayed up too many nights listening to the astronomers, astrophysicists, atomic physicists and other highly intelligent humans who theorized interminably about the universe, its origin and its inevitable end.

Unbeknown to most of the woodland animals, theoretical physics was a subject of an increasingly bizarre nature. In the realm of atomic physics it had evolved from a relatively simple notion of the interaction of nucleic pieces like protons and neutrons with their surrounding particles (or waves) of electrons. The original graphical representations of atoms had made them seem somewhat akin to solar planetary systems. However, as atomic science had progressed, the simple atomic structure had begun to include such infinitesimally small bits such as quarks, muons, photons, neutrinos and baryons. And lately, 85

Staples Fables atomic physicists had begun to talk not only of atoms and their structure but of universe itself and of the possibility that there were more than the well known three dimensional structures and that the universe might even consist of as many as eleven dimensions.

All of this, of course, was beyond the realm of understanding, much less the realm of possibility, for most humans and all but the best and brightest of all the woodland animals. The possibility, therefore, that the CNC would take up the subject of theoretical physics was out of the question. Nonetheless, occasionally a subject would come up that somehow resembled the talk of physicists and like humans themselves Sam, Myrtle, Merl and others never let their ignorance stand in the way of their arrogance, for arrogance, after all, is nothing more than self-pride.

As luck would have it, one morning the Congress stumbled onto the topic of multi86

Staples Fables dimensional existence and began to discuss it as if it were in the realm of their understanding. It started with a statement by Myrtle the turtle that she had recently heard of the thing called “heaven” and that the notion of going somewhere that would be better than here sounded highly intriguing.

“Do you think there is a turtle heaven?” Myrtle innocently asked.

Oscar had fallen asleep already and Sam was the only animal who heard the question.

“Of course, there’s a turtle heaven,” he said, adding that “well, there’s a heaven and I’ve heard that there’s no discrimination there, so there must be a place for a creature like you.”

“Do you think I will be happier there than here?” Myrtle continued.

87

Staples Fables II “Most likely,” said Sam. “If I remember correctly, heaven is a place of infinite happiness. It’s almost as good a being by yourself in a meat locker.”

“Why would I want to be in a meat locker?” asked Myrtle. “I don’t like meat especially.”

“That’s just a figure of speech,” said Sam. “I think that in heaven what suits your fancy is what’s there. You just have to think it and there it is—kind of like thinking about dog biscuits. You just think about them and somebody throws you one.”

“Where do you think turtle heaven is?” asked Myrtle. “How do you get there?”

“Well,” said Sam, “I have heard that heaven exists in another dimension somewhere on another planet, but you don’t have to go there like going on a trip. You just think you are there and there you are.”

88

Staples Fables II “You mean sort of like that seagull—what was his name?—Jonathan Livingston, I think.”

“Yeah, sort of like that.”

“Then if I want to go to a tavern, I just think about it and the tavern appears all around me?”

“That’s it,” said Sam, “but I didn’t think you are welcome at the tavern because people have to step around you and that annoys them.”

“Well, when I think about a tavern, I don’t think about going to one with people. I think about going to one with turtles like myself. We can just saunter up to the turtle bar and ask for a double Scotch and water or something, and the turtle bartender gets if for us, no questions asked.”

“You like Scotch and water?” asked Sam.

89

Staples Fables II “I don’t know. I never drink it,” said Myrtle. “I just sit and sniff it. I do like the smell of it, don’t you?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “I’ve never sniffed Scotch and water or tasted it either, but I do like beer.”

“Why do you like beer?” asked Myrtle.

“I’ve never tasted it, but I like the color and the texture of it. It looks kinda like I relieved myself in a glass, and I really feel good when I relieve myself.”

Heaven or Hell?

The conversation about turtle heaven made Sam wonder if heaven is really a place or just an idea in the mind of God. After all, no one he’d ever talked to had really been there or seen it in person. He decided he would ask Oscar’s opinion.

90

Staples Fables “Oscar,” he said, “do you think heaven is a real place or just an idea in the mind of God?” “I think it could be a place or it could be a state of mind,” said the wise old owl. “After all, John Milton said the mind itself is a place that can ‘make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven’.”

“How so?” asked Sam. “Well, we’ve already talked about states and where they are, but we haven’t delved too deeply into the states of mind. However, my guess would be that a state of mind is a place in the imagination that seems as real as any other place. It probably depends upon how you see it and what you do with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at it this way,” said Oscar. “If you believe what you see in your imagination is just as real as

91

Staples Fables II what you see with your eyes, then the logical thing to do is to deal with it as if it were real.”

“For instance?”

“For instance, if your imagination tells you that are overweight, then you should do something to lose weight or to alter your mind’s image of your body.

Either way, the result will be the same. You will either lose weight or you will lose the belief that you need to lose weight. The result will be that you feel better about yourself and you will no longer imagine that you are overweight.”

“But what if that isn’t the result I get,” said Sam. “Suppose that I lose weight but I don’t feel like I’ve lost weight.”

“Then you have a mental problem,” said Oscar.

“In that case, you need to see a psychiatrist.”

“What’s a psychiatrist?” asked Sam. 92

Staples Fables II “A psychiatrist is a doctor who specializes in the treatment of psychiatric disorders, or disorders of the mind.”

“Do they hurt?” said Sam. “Often but not always,” Oscar said. “A psychiatric disorder can lead to serious psychological trauma or it can merely alter one’s perception of reality in such a way as to cause one to act in a strange or bizarre manner.”

“For instance?”

“For instance, someone with a serious psychiatric disorder might believe that others are out to harm him in some way. He might start carrying a concealed weapon to protect himself from his imaginary assailants. Or he might avoid going to certain places which he believes are frequented by those who are out to get him, like the post office or the 93

Staples Fables II pharmacy. This imaginary fear might lead him to react unrealistically to loud sounds or to shadows that seem threatening. I once heard of a man who couldn’t sleep because he believed his shadow would leave him during the night and never return and he would become a strange man without a shadow.”

“And what would a psychiatrist do for such a man?” asked Sam. “He could help the man see that his illusions of reality are, in fact, not reality and that shadows are, in reality, nothing but the illusion of his own reality.

“How can shadows be illusions if one really sees them?”

“How can clouds fly without wings or fireflies flash without fire?”

94

Staples Fables II

The Energy Crisis It was a peaceful afternoon once again. Sam was sleeping under the tree as usual, and Roseanne was having a nap not far above him. Only Merl and Myrtle were stirring around on the ground. They were taking care not to awaken Sam, but both of them seemed somewhat agitated.

“Did you hear the news this morning?” asked Myrtle.

“Of course,” said Merl. “We squirrels are on top of everything as usual. My only problem is that I don’t know what it means?”

“What what means?” asked Myrtle.

“What the news means, of course,” Merl replied. “They said there is an energy crisis ahead.”

95

Staples Fables II “That’s what I was talking about,” said Myrtle “There’s an energy crisis looming and nobody knows what to do about it. It is a grave concern among people in the know.”

“I know,” said Merl, “but I don’t know what the concern is.”

“Well,” said Myrtle, “It seems that when everything runs out of energy, everything will stop and there will be no more get up and go.”

“Why is that?” asked Merl.

“Because energy is what makes everything go.

When it’s gone, nothing will get up and go.”

“How did the energy go if it had no get up and go?”

“Don’t ask foolish questions. It just did, or it’s going to very soon.”

96

Staples Fables II “Sam’s energy must be gone already,” said Merl. “He never has any get up and go.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to tell,” said Myrtle, “because as I understand it, some things, even some big things like the moon, have energy stored in them but very little get up and go.”

“How do you know the moon has energy?” said Merl.

“Because the scientists say so,” Myrtle replied.

“The scientists say that anything that has mass must also have energy because everything that exists exists in bundles of energy, even you and me.”

“I don’t feel much like a bundle of energy,” said Merl. “My energy must be sleeping—like Sam’s.”

“That’s a possibility,” said Myrtle.

“What else do the scientists say?” asked Merl.

97

Staples Fables “They say the bundles of energy that make up everything are constantly on the go internally.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that the particles of energy that make up everything from atoms to molecules are almost always moving in one way or another. Therefore, even when you and Sam are sleeping, your bodies are hives of activity.”

“So you are saying that even when I’m moving slowly like you, that inside my body energy is moving fast and I’m not even aware of it?”

“That’s what the scientists say,” said Myrtle.

“How do the scientists know what they’re talking about if they can’t see the energy moving about? How do they know my atoms aren’t just sleeping like I am?”

98

Staples Fables “Because they can measure them with their scientific instruments.”

“Give me an example,” said Merl.

“Well, for instance, things that move produce heat, and heat can be measured with scientific instruments.”

“So I can feel some of my energy if I am hot?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, I feel hot sometimes when I’m running.

Does that mean I have more energy then?”

“Actually, it means you are burning off some of the energy you have stored up.”

“And if I run out of energy because I get too hot, does that mean I get hot because I run out of energy or that I run out of energy because I get too hot?”

99

Staples Fables “A little bit of both,” said Myrtle.

“Myrtle, are you saying that you never run out of energy because you never run at all?”

“Something like that. I often look as if I have no energy at all, but that’s just because I’m conserving it for other uses.”

“Like what?” asked Merl.

“Like swimming and eating,” said Myrtle.

“These scientists sound a little cuckoo to me,” said Merl.

“Some of them are,” said Myrtle. “Others are just weird.”

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Staples Fables

The Terrorist Threat As September 11, 2011 approached, the animals began to fear the worst. They had heard it was the tenth anniversary of 9-11, and although only one or two of them knew what it meant, they knew it must be something terrible. The humans said something terrible, something almost inconceivable, had happened on 9-11. Like the invasion of Pearl Harbor, it was a day that would live in infamy. Several thousand people had been killed in a matter of minutes when two commercial jet airliners crashed into New York’s skyscrapers known as the Twin Towers.”

“What’s a commercial airliner?” asked Randy.

“It’s a giant flying machine used to carry humans from place to place,” said Oscar. “They carry thousands of gallons of fuel and can fly hundreds of 101

Staples Fables II miles an hour. When they crash, they can explode like a big bomb.”

“What are skyscrapers?” the randy rabbit continued.

“They are gigantic buildings that are so tall they seem to scrape the sky,” said Oscar.

“Why would they want to do that?” Randy continued.

“So they can be seen for miles around,” said Oscar.

“Why didn’t the planes see them?” the rabbit continued.

“Well, for one thing, planes can’t see, but their pilots could and they were terrorists and were determined to fly into them.”

102

Staples Fables II “That sounds rather stupid,” the rabbit continued.

“Were they killed when they flew into the buildings?”

“They were,” said Oscar, “but they meant to kill themselves in order to earn the honor of being martyrs.”

“What’s a martyr?” asked Randy.

“A martyr is someone who dies for a cause, usually a religious one.”

“Why would anyone want to do that?”

“In their case, it was so they would go to heaven and cavort with a number of virgins.”

“What’s a virgin?” Randy continued.

“An undefiled female,” said Oscar.

“This is getting too complicated,” said Randy. “I don’t know what an undefiled female is.”

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Staples Fables II “That’s not surprising, your being a rabbit and all.”

“One further question,” said Randy.

“What’s that?” asked Oscar.

“If these pilots were terrorists, who were they trying to terrorize?”

“Americans mostly, but probably the rest of the world as well.”

“Did they succeed?”

“Pretty much.”

“So you are telling me that the terrorists wanted to terrorize America and the rest of the world in order to prove that they were serious about wanting to go to heaven and cavort with virgins?”

“That seems to be about it,” said Oscar.

104

Staples Fables II “Why didn’t they just become rabbit-like like us and save themselves a lot of trouble?”

“They probably aren’t as smart as rabbits, or as cuddly,” said Oscar. “Besides, whoever heard of a rabbit becoming a martyr and getting his name in the newspapers?”

“What’s a newspaper?” asked Randy.

“It’s the thing that goes in the bottom of your cage when some human decides you are so cuddly he wants to make you a pet.”

The Noblest Cause Members of the Crows Nest Congress had never heard of a terrorist threat before because they’d never heard of terrorists before. Therefore they were surprised to learn that some humans turn to terrorism in order to enhance the image of themselves. It was

Staples Fables II better, they thought, than becoming a no-name, nobody, because their pictures might appear in the newspapers, their names might be inscribed on a wall in their native homelands, and their mothers might say that they died for a good cause.

Carrie the crow found such rationalization highly skewed. “To die for a good cause is no doubt a noble thing,” she said, “but to die trying to be somebody is a rather dubious honor. Why don’t people try dying in order to promote or protect the lives of others? It would seem to me a far more worthwhile cause than to die for your own sake.”

“I think you are right, Carrie,” said Oscar from his elevated perch. “To die for the sake of others is no doubt the noblest cause. It is the reason Jesus was considered the holiest of humans. He died to relieve all other humans of their sins.”

Staples Fables II “Why didn’t the terrorists know that?” asked Randy.

“Oh, they knew it all right, but they didn’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“Because they didn’t believe in Jesus. He was not one of their kind.”

“What kind was he?”

“He was the kind who believes that each one of us is a son or daughter of God. In fact, He not only believed it; He knew it to be true.”

“How did he know it to be true?”

“Because He knew God personally and talked to Him frequently.”

“Why can’t everyone do that?”

Staples Fables II “They can; they just don’t realize that they can.”

“Why not?”

“Because they don’t try often enough.”

“You mean that if I try to talk to God often enough, He will undoubtedly talk to me?”

“That’s what I mean,” said Oscar. “Everyone can talk to God if he believes God is real. But everyone has to discover the reality for himself. I can try to convince you and others that God is real, but if you don’t believe it, then for you God is not real.”

“Then you are saying that in order for something to be real, one must believe that it is real, and that if I don’t believe it, then for me it is not real?”

“That’s basically what I’m saying, which is, in effect, saying that for most of us, truth is what we believe is true whether or not it is actually true. In

Staples Fables II other words the truth can set us free only if we believe it is the truth.”

“But suppose we believe it is true, but it is actually not true?”

“Then what we believe has little or no effect.”

“Doesn’t that make belief more important than truth?”

“In the everyday world of human creatures, it does. In our world, it isn’t so important because we have no belief systems. For instance, in our world we do not believe the sun will come up tomorrow because it either will or it won’t. If it does, it does. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. We don’t order our lives around what we believe will happen. We base them on what happens. When the sun comes up, we awaken—well, some of us do—and we go about our business. If it

Staples Fables II doesn’t come up, we sleep, or we awaken in the dark and go back to sleep.”

“So what does all this have to do with terrorists?” asked Carrie.

“Most religious believers and religious terrorists are obsessed with the future,” said Oscar. “Their belief systems are based not on what is happening right now but on what will happen in the future, that is, on what will occur once they die. Nonetheless, they believe that what they do right now will affect their future existence. They believe they must believe in order to have a future.”

“So what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, except that believers in different things make different rules for how they should live now, in the present, and most of them believe that in order to have a future, they must impose their own beliefs

Staples Fables II upon others. Thus, religious believers create systems of belief that are in constant conflict with each other because they believe their systems are the only way to the future and the future is the only thing that matters.”

“Well, isn’t it?”

“Not if you want to live now—in the present moment.”

The past Given that the CNC had entered the realm of speculative philosophy, the conversation of its members turned more and more to discussions of the past, present and future.

The present, of course, was relatively easy to understand. It was the here and now. It contained

Staples Fables II everything that existed currently, including ideas, concepts and material objects.

The past was that which existed a moment ago, yesterday or the day before yesterday and the days before that all the way back to the beginning of time.

The future had not occurred and contained all that would happen, could happen and might possibly happen, including new ideas, concepts and objects.

Humans were constantly attempting to project the past and present into current discussions in order to predict the future. Sometimes it worked, but more often than not, it didn’t. Predictions about the future were like predictions about the weather; they were mostly unpredictable.

These conversations among the CNC members were, of course, highly unintelligible. Past and future had relatively little relevance for the group.

Staples Fables II Nonetheless, some of the animals wanted to give the subject a shot.

“Let’s start at the beginning,” suggested Roseanne, who said the present obviously had a beginning somewhere in the past and that they might explore what part of the past was relevant to the current animal kingdom.

“How do we know when the beginning began?” asked Randy, who was almost always ready with the first question. “I think this question should go to Oscar, who knows more about the past than the rest of us put together.”

“Fine,” said Roseanne. “To Oscar goes the question of when the beginning began.”

Oscar, of course, was all ears, and on this point he was especially anxious to comment. “The beginning began when it began,” he said pompously.

Staples Fables II “Can you be more specific?” asked Roseanne.

“Of course,” said Oscar. “The beginning began with the creation of the universe some 13.9 billion years ago, but the beginning of the earth began about 4.5 billion years ago. According to the scientists, the beginning of animal life on the planet began some 370 million years ago.”

“What does that mean for us?” asked Merl.

“It means the very beginning was too long ago to worry about. In fact, for us two weeks ago is too long to worry about, so we should stick to more relevant questions?”

“What would be a more relevant question?” asked Merl.

“What happened this morning before the sun came up?” said Oscar.

Staples Fables II “It rained,” answered Myrtle.

“Why is that relevant?” asked Merl.

“Because when it rains we usually get wet and being wet is very tiresome,” said Roseanne.

“What happened after it rained?” Oscar asked.

“The sun came out and dried us out,” said Sam. “And what does it mean to be dry?” asked Oscar.

“It means we can stay warm and enjoy ourselves again.”

“There you go,” said Oscar. “That’s about all we need to know about the past.”

The Present Having dealt with the past, the Crows Nest members turned once again to the present. Myrtle the

Staples Fables II turtle wanted to know why Oscar had referred to the present as nothing more than the “here and now.”

“That’s a rather enigmatic idea,” said Myrtle.

“Saying everything belongs in the here and now is kind of like saying that nothing is real that isn’t here and now. What about yesterday and the day before?

Weren’t they real? Wasn’t what happened then real?”

“Yes, they were,” said Oscar, “but they aren’t any more. What was real yesterday isn’t real today because it isn’t here any longer. It is in the past.”

“Oscar, are you saying that because I existed yesterday, I don’t exist today?” asked Roseanne.

“Well, yes. You existed yesterday in the here and now, but today all that was left of yesterday is in the past. The you that’s in the here and now is a new you.

The new you looks a lot like the old you, of course, but the new you is the one here and now and there are

Staples Fables II some differences between the new and the old.

Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Perhaps,” said Roseanne, “but give me an example.”

“Well,” said Oscar, “yesterday at this time you were wet, but now you are dry. Certainly there is a difference between the wet you and the dry you. The wet you was grumpy and irritable. The dry you is happy and content. The dry you of the here and now is a more agreeable bird. The wet you of the past was difficult to be around.”

“Give me another example,” said Roseanne, still somewhat perplexed.

“Well,” said Oscar, “consider the fact that the you of yesterday was worried about the future because a possible wet future was likely not to be any fun. But the new dry you sees the world in a different

Staples Fables II perspective. Now you can fly wherever you want and you can come back and sing about how beautiful everything looks without the rain and the ominous clouds. The you of the here and now is a much happier bird. And when you’re a happier bird, we all are happier, and we like being around you because you are making a difference in our lives.”

“But how do I deal with the fact that there was a past when I was not a happier bird?”

“You put it in the past where it belongs. If you drag it along with you, none of us is going to be happy with you because you are not happy with the rest of the world.”

“So that is your answer to all the world’s problems, that we should all put the past in the past and get on with our lives?”

“Pretty much.”

Staples Fables II “Sounds like a pretty reasonable plan to me,” said Sam. “I wonder if too many of us haven’t been dragging our past into the present and worrying about how we will deal with the future.”

Angels As the discussions of the past, present and future wore on, most of the animals in and under the tree became somewhat bored. Things related to time had no appeal to them because they had no real sense of time or even of the concept of time. Thus the talk about time was just so much hypothetical, metaphysical dribble to most of them and they wished to discuss something more concrete.

As usual Roseanne was the one to change the subject. Changing the subject was her specialty.

Anytime a CNC member wanted to talk about one thing, she wanted to talk about something else. None

Staples Fables II of the members found that disturbing because few of them could think about anything else to talk about.

Someone had to be the initiator of the conversation and Roseanne was it. As a result, when she spoke they usually listened.

On this particular day she was still somewhat deep into thoughts that few of the members had even dreamed about. “What are your opinions on the subject of angels?” she asked.

Naturally Randy the rabbit answered her question with one of his own. “What’s an angel?” he said.

“As I understand it, an angel is a human creature with wings much like Carrie’s and Oscar’s and mine,” Roseanne said. “Apparently they aren’t seen very often because their habitat is in heaven and the skies that surround it. But from what I’ve heard, they do appear on the earth every now and then. Sometimes they are disguised as ordinary mortals, but sometimes

Staples Fables II they are all white and appear to glow. At least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen an angel,” said Randy. “Do they like rabbits?”

“Not to eat,” said Roseanne. “I’m told that they mostly serve as God’s messengers and that they usually appear on earth to bring some good news from heaven or to warn us of some impending calamity.”

“You mean like an earthquake or a flood?” asked Sam. “Something like that, I suppose.”

“How come most of us have never seen them. We know what earthquakes and floods are about. I don’t remember ever being warned about them by an angel though.”

“Well,” said Roseanne, “it may be because humans are the only ones who can see or hear them and they

Staples Fables II don’t bother to tell us much about them. Nonetheless, them seem to be very important to the humans. They are always talking about this angel or that. It’s very annoying for people to talk about something you or I know nothing about.”

“I agree,” said Carrie. “Perhaps we should ask Oscar why humans consider angels so important.”

As usual Oscar had been listening to the conversation all along despite looking as if he were fast asleep. However, the subject of angels he was not very helpful.

“Ahem,” he said. “I have been told that there are both good angels and bad angels and that the good ones have a favored place among God’s creatures but that the bad ones are constantly trying to undermine His most important projects. I’m afraid God fears that if the bad angels get the upper hand, they will

Staples Fables II eventually overthrow his reign. After that, it’s Katy bar the door.”

“I’m tired of hearing that ‘Katy did this’ or ‘Katy did that’,” said Randy.” Of course, maybe that’s where the word ‘katydid’ came from.”

“I think all we need to know about angels is that they exist and that most of them appear to give us good news of one sort or another,” said Roseanne.

“After all, their most important job was to tell us of the coming of Jesus Christ. Everything after that was window dressing.”

“What’s window dressing?” asked Randy.

“That’s when you put a dress on a window to make it look pretty and hide what’s going on behind it, which may not be so pretty sometimes,” said Roseanne.

“You mean like a cover-up?” asked Randy.

Staples Fables II “Exactly,” said Roseanne. “Sometimes cover-ups are useful and necessary but in this day and time they often have a bad connotation. They’re used to conceal the truth of a matter.”

“Why is that a bad thing?” asked Randy.

“Because when the truth is concealed, people don’t know the difference between illusion and reality and they can be led to do all kinds of things they shouldn’t do based on bad information.”

“Give me an example,” said Randy.

“Well, governments sometimes start wars based on bad information. For instance, if the President of the United States believes a country that shouldn’t be messing with nuclear weapons is trying to build them, then he might order us to start a war to keep them from making them.”

Staples Fables II “But I’ve heard that the United States has all kinds of nuclear weapons,” said Randy. “If they’re so bad, why don’t we stop making them?”

“Because the more we have, the less other countries are likely to try to use theirs against us. The fewer countries that have them, the safer we are,” said Roseanne.

“But we have plenty of them, don’t we?” asked Randy.

“Yes, we do, but that’s because we’re the good guys,” said Roseanne.

“Who gets to decide who are the good guys and who are the bad guys?” asked Randy.

“The ones who have the most nuclear weapons,” said Roseanne.

Staples Fables II “What does all this have to do with angels?” asked Carrie.

“No doubt the angels will tell us when we’ve stepped from one side to the other and whether God is pleased or displeased.”

Staples Fables The issue of why angels are good or bad having been solved, the CNC turned to a more pressing problem. One of the members heard that someone named Staples had been writing about the group without having talked to any of them personally.

“I’ve heard it’s not very good journalism to write about something you know little or nothing about,” said Sam. “Where does such a person come off putting words into our mouths? I don’t think readers should give this kind of thing much credence considering that we’ve had no say in the matter.”

Staples Fables II “What’s credence?” asked Randy, as insistent as ever.

“Credence is believability,” said Oscar. “If something has no credence, it’s not believable.”

“You mean this Staples fellow has been writing lies about us?” said Myrtle. “Why would someone do that?”

“To make money,” said Sam. “What’s money?” said Randy.

“Money’s…well, money’s what everything’s all about in the human world,” said Sam. “You can’t do anything among the humans without money.”

“And so this guy Staples wants to do something in the world and he needs the money he will make writing about us in order to make it.”

“That’s about it,” said Sam.

Staples Fables II “Well, there is one other possibility,” said Oscar from his perch high in the tree.

“What’s that?”

“I’ve heard that this Staples fellow really isn’t all that interested in money. He says he’s more interested in philosophy and religion than money. He even says that when he was a young man he was an ardent follower of Jesus and that Jesus never made any money and that he, Staples, decided that money wasn’t important, so he said to himself, ‘Money’s not important and I never want to make a lot of it.’”

“What does that have to do with anything?” said Sam. “Well, Staples says he learned something from his conviction that he never wanted to make a lot of money.”

“What was that?”

Staples Fables II “He says he never wanted to make a lot of money and that he’s been a total success.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that he got what he intended.”

“That’s it?”

“Not quite.”

“What else did he learn?”

“He said people should be careful what they tell themselves.”

“Let’s get back to the subject,” said Roseanne.

“What was the subject?” asked Randy.

“Why this fellow Staples may be writing about us when he knows nothing about us.”

“He says he explained that in the introduction to his first volume,” said Oscar.

Staples Fables II “Well, he didn’t explain it to me, so explain it to me,” said Sam. “Staples says he has noticed that the animal world—that’s us—has none of the concepts or institutions that the human world deems necessary for its survival and that it seems to him the animal world survives just as nicely as the human world or even better considering that animals do not conduct wars, destroy public property (after all, everything in our world is public property), fight excessively over territory, females or honor, or suffer unnecessarily from depression, anxiety, or neuroses or psychoses of any sort.

“Staples says there might be some slight exceptions to these observations but that overall they seem to be right on the money, and that animals in most instances act far more humanely than humans.

They make a living, raise their young, have a certain

Staples Fables II amount of sociability and camaraderie and often live to ripe old ages for their kind.

“Furthermore, he says Noah undoubtedly was commanded by God to take a representative number of animals with him on the ark in order for humans to take note of their behavior and learn from them. He believes the dove, a winged animal, may have been an angel which God sent to the ark to let the humans know that all was not lost.”

“So what’s your point?” asked Sam. “My point,” said Oscar, “is that this Staples fellow may be trying to tell the humans that they could learn something from us, especially regarding the way we think and act.”

“But we act without thinking too much,” said Sam. “That’s the point,” said Oscar. “Thinking too much is what gets the human world into more trouble than it

Staples Fables II knows how to avoid. Remember, according to the humans’ own Bible, the world was introduced to sin because Eve ate the fruit “from the tree of knowledge.”

“Good point,” said Roseanne.

With that, the second assembly of the Crow’s Nest Congress adjourned with the announcement that a third session would begin sometime in the near future.

Staples Fables II

The End of Staples Fables II

John Staples is a graduate of Duke University, a former U.S. Marine, and a retired community newspaper editor. Other works by the author include the novels White Lies and Other Deceptions, Perfect Imperfection, and a book of personal reflections entitled Make Love, Drive Freeway Every Now and Zen. Staples next book, Staples Fables III, is scheduled for publication in March 2012.

Any volume of Staples Fables may be purchased electronically by making a payment of $2 (two dollars US) to PayPal.com. A PDF copy will be emailed to anyone you designate to receive it.