DEPARTMENTS

Stupid coronavirus. My kids say this every once in a while. I can’t help but agree with them. Especially when looking at what we are missing out on this winter. This time of year, we usually fly to spend the holidays with family. Prior to the COVID-19 outbreak, we’d been saving up to do something a little different: travel to Hawaii to celebrate my brother-in-law’s 40th birthday and Christmas with the rest of my husband’s family, too. It would have been a chance for my kids to play with all their cousins. I’m an only child and I was very close to my cousins growing up, so even though my kids’ cousins live in Tennessee and New Jersey, I really want that for my kids, too. Two of their cousins, my nephews Rowan and Clyde, are part of our family because of the incredible generosity of a surrogate. While my brother-in-law and his husband live in New Jersey, they had to work with a fertility center in California that matched them with a gestational carrier in Massachusetts because compensated surrogacy was illegal in their home state. (Ironically, New Jersey legalized compensated surrogacy in May of 2018, when they brought their sons home from the hospital.)

While my brothers-in-law did not work with a fertility center in Oregon, it makes me proud to know that Oregon is a state that has been at the forefront of ensuring families can grow through surrogacy. To understand exactly why Oregon is a top destination for would-be parents seeking the help of surrogates and how it got there, check out the article on page 12.

Cousins 2018

TREVOR PARKER

So even though my kids don’t get to see their cousins this year, we’re still going to make the holidays special. I love the ideas Judiaann Woo came up with for helping families make memories and capture holiday magic safely during the pandemic on page 28. The best part? Several options are low or no cost. And if you need gift ideas for your kids, writer Joanna Close talked to local toy-store owners about their favorite toys for the holidays. We’ve got recommendations for babies up to tweens that include budget-savvy picks and splurges, starting on page 22.

You know, my kids have really surprised me with their resilience this year. Even with muttering about stupid coronavirus now and then, they have been troupers and can still find the joy in things like a new bunch of bananas from the grocery store or outdoor scooter playdates with friends or popcorn movie nights at home. I know I don’t have to explain to other parents how hard this year has been. But as we close the door on 2020, I’m on the verge of optimism that their resilience (and hopefully your kids’ resilience) will be less tested in 2021.

What nonprofits does your family like to support?

Our go-tos are Oregon Food Bank and The Children’s Book Bank. “ I donate used clothing and toys to Insight and Northwest Children’s Outreach. Northwest Children’s Outreach is great to bring the girls to. Easy tasks for them to do.

We’ve made meals for families at the Lilac Meadows and Laurelwood shelters.

Since we know folks impacted by the fires, this year we’re donating to the Echo Mountain Fire relief efforts.

Oregon Food Bank.

Community Warehouse and PAWS.

I’m a big fan of Portland Food Project. ”

On our cover: Sibling love, happy mom and dad, and rows and rows of fir trees — it doesn’t get much better than that. Photographer Megan Norman of The Beatific Lens captured this moment of pure joy as the White family romped through the Northern Lights Christmas Tree Farm in Pleasant Hill, Oregon. Norman, mama to a 3-year-old boy with a little girl on the way, has a moody, fairy-tale-like photography style with an emphasis on bright, bold colors. And she loves catching those natural emotions and reactions between family members having fun. See more of her work at thebeatificlens.com or on Instagram @thebeatificlens.

for the long days and short years

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Even if you love baking, there’s a lot going on right now. Maybe ease your mental load by outsourcing the pie for Thanksgiving? You can’t go wrong at any of these local Pies To-Go for bakeries. ➊ Southeast Division Street’s Lauretta Jean’s has a bourbon pecan pie that looks absolutely decadent. Thanksgiving Laurettajeans.com. ➋ Just want a small pie or two? Pie Spot in Northeast is your best bet. It’s got a wide selection of adorable little mini-pies — from chocolate peanut butter to brandy apple crumble. (But there’s full-size pumpkin pie, too!) Pie-spot.com. ➌ Paiku in St. Johns offers a number of seasonal whole pies around the holidays. Call 503-860-4773 to find out what TOP 5 ... will be on the menu for Thanksgiving! ➍ Pacific Pie Company in Southeast has a number of savory options, but the Oregon-centric chocolate bourbon hazelnut or mixed-berry pies would make a nice addition to your Thanksgiving meal. Pro tip: Pacific Pie will also bake up a custom pie not on the menu — just ask! Pacificpie.com. ➎ Find gluten-free and/or vegan goodies at Petunia’s Pies and Pastries downtown. The pumpkin ginger cheesecake sounds amazing! Use the custom order form to opt for a whole pie or cake. Petuniaspiesandpastries.com. — Denise Castañon CONNIE LEE MAKES

Playlist: Live Reggae

Rhythms

Portland reggae artist Aaron Nigel Smith recently released a new live album: Aaron Nigel Smith & 1 World Chorus — Live in LA. The 1 World Chorus is a nonprofit organization started by Smith that serves youth in the United States, Kenya and Jamaica. On Smith’s new live album, 25 kids from the Los Angeles wing of the choir lend their voices. And in more ways than one, it’s really the perfect time for Smith to offer up this recording of a live show at The Broad Stage in Santa Monica, California. It will be a while before we can go to live shows again. And because, as Smith says in the intro to the last track, “Reggae music is the music of love. It’s the music of compassion. It’s the music of upliftment and empowerment of ourselves and our community.” Smith covers his own work from his 20-year career like Natty Dreadlocks; a mellow jam version of Pete Seeger’s protest song If I Had a Hammer; and several Bob Marley classics, including a sweet rendition of Three Little Birds. So if (when) you hit a distance-learning meltdown, play this album for your kids and keep repeating the words of Bob Marley: “Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing is gonna be all right.” — D.C.

We Recommend: Magical Recipes

The wannabe wizards in your life will flip over The Unofficial Hogwarts for the Holidays Cookbook by Rita Moke-Pike. The book goes season by season, giving instructions DENISE CASTAÑON on how to make food mentioned throughout the Harry Potter series — everything from pumpkin pasties to Aunt Petunia’s sugared violet cake. I made the “Talonless Beef Casserole” inspired by Hagrid’s cooking (his version had a talon in it). It was basically a beef shepherd’s pie, but my kids actually ate it. We also made the outrageously delicious and seriously easy pumpkin tarts. And if the grown-ups want to raise a glass to the defeat of He Who Must Not Be Named, you’ll also find recipes for potent potables such as Fire Whiskey and Liquid Luck, a bourbon drink akin to an Old Fashioned. — D.C.

Kids to Know: The Founders

Two Portland teenagers recently were recognized for their outstanding acts of volunteerism, specifically through founding nonprofit organizations seeking to better our community. Elliot Shin and Jaden Winn were both honored with the Gloria Barron Prize for Young Heroes for 2020. Elliot, an accomplished oboist, started a nonprofit called Olivenbaum that educates and empowers refugees and strives to bring peace through music. His group provides academic tutoring, free music classes and ELLIOT SHIN college scholarships for refugees in our community. Elliot recruited 45 peers to serve as academic tutors for refugee students. A local nonprofit matched them with refugee families. But he went a step further and also asked refugee students to share their knowledge by arranging for refugee students who spoke Arabic to serve as tutors for high schoolers taking Arabic language courses. “So often refugees are misunderstood as ‘outsiders,’ not worthy of belonging,” says Elliot. “I’ve learned the importance of overcoming misconceptions and that most everyone wants to give back and to belong.”

JADEN WINN

Jaden founded Youth Igniting Change, an alliance of youth activists working to promote climate justice, advocate for homeless youth, and advance the conversation around equity and inclusivity. His group helped organize Portland’s climate strikes in 2019, when nearly 30,000 people marched to demand climate action. Jaden and his team recently worked alongside organizations like Citizens’ Climate Lobby and Affected Generation to successfully advocate for statewide climate policy reform. Youth Igniting Change also helps homeless youth through monthly deliveries of self-care bags and will soon expand the program. “I believe it’s up to my generation to redefine what it means to be an engaged and caring citizen,” says Jaden. “My goal is to bring ordinary young people together to turn seemingly small everyday actions into a movement of social uprising.” — D.C.

Ask the Middle School Counselor

Q: My seventh-grade daughter has gotten off to a rocky start with distance learning this fall. I’ve got to work from home and cannot be there over her shoulder making sure she does her assignments. How can I help her be more accountable for her own schoolwork? A: Distance learning compounds the already intense challenge of organization for middle schoolers! It’s a learning curve for adults, add in the developing prefrontal cortex of an adolescent and ... suffice it to say, your kid is not alone with this. Different things work for different kids, but some sort of system is a good idea. I recommend going over some different options when you’re both rested and in a good place and letting her have some input as to what will work for her. Some kids prefer to use a digital calendar, like Google, or the one integrated into Canvas. Some kids need a paper planner, and some like whiteboards. Whatever she wants — as long as she has a written list of work she needs to do somewhere that you can check. At this age, it’s still appropriate to follow up with her about assignments and contact teachers as needed. Accountability is a good goal, but seventh grade is still in that age where guardians often need to help. Developing prefrontal cortex, remember? Normally, I would suggest you come up with a daily plan; something like from 4 pm to 5 pm is homework time, show your work is done and then you get free time ... that sort of thing. The thing is, though, we’re in the middle of a seemingly endless global pandemic. Social distancing is taking a toll on kids unlike anything I’ve seen in 20 years. So while I think school is important and systems and plans are great, right now making sure the kids are all right is my priority. I’ll let you in on a secret — I’m not making sure my son does every bit of work assigned to him. It’s enough that he is engaging with his teachers and classes and doing as much of the work as he can. If he misses a few assignments, that’s OK with me. Your daughter doing her best — and you doing your best — is enough. Everyone deserves some grace right now.

Sahjo Brown is a 20-year veteran of school counseling, mostly at the middle-school level. She has one kid, a dog, a cat, five chickens and some fish. (And secretly wishes she could add in some rabbits.) Her favorite part of working with middle schoolers is their desire to connect and build relationships; plus, their pop culture references keep her on her toes.

DOVETAIL WORKWEAR

In the Know: Workin’ Mom Pants Gone are the days of maternity muumuus when designers assumed moms-to-be had nothing else to do besides lounge around. Dovetail Workwear, a Portland-based, women-owned company, now offers the Maven Maternity Pant for tradeswomen, women in agriculture and anyone else engaged in physically demanding work while pregnant. Designed by moms (and with input from pregnant moms), the pants are made of durable stretch denim and feature elastic waist inserts, 10 functional pockets and a modernized tool loop. In sizes 0 to 18 with a 31-inch inseam. $99. At dovetailworkwear.com/ products/maven-maternity. — D.C.

Baby BucksChalkboard: Baby Bucks

41,861 babies BORN IN OREGON IN 2019 11th best state TO HAVE A BABY ACCORDING TO WALLETHUB $12,622.35: The cost OF HAVING A VAGINAL BIRTH IN OREGON WITHOUT INSURANCE $17,948.33: The cost OF HAVING A CESAREAN SECTION IN OREGON WITHOUT INSURANCE

20,400: The number OF DELIVERIES IN 2019 COVERED BY THE OREGON HEALTH PLAN (OHP) $0: Out-of-pocket delivery COST FOR MOTHERS ON OHP 3rd: Oregon’s rank FOR STATE WITH LOWEST INFANT MORTALITY

SOURCES: OREGON HEALTH AUTHORITY, WALLETHUB AND BUSINESS INSIDER

Having a baby is expensive. We’re not just talking blankets, bottles and booties, but labor-and-delivery costs, too. The good news is that Oregon ranks as a pretty good place to have a baby. While out-of-pocket costs for delivering a baby without insurance are higher than the national average of around $10,000, mothers-to-be without insurance can apply for the Oregon Health Plan. Typically, people who earn up to 138% of the federal poverty wage qualify for OHP; however, the maximum monthly income threshold is slightly higher for expecting mothers. (See an eligibility chart here: healthcare.oregon.gov/DocResources/440-5063es_FPL%20Chart_1120.pdf). Good prenatal and labor and delivery care means a safer start for all those little Olivers and Olivias born here. (And, yes, those were the two most popular names in Oregon in 2019, according to the Social Security Administration!) — D.C.

Gear Guide: New Baby Picks

Once you use the Boppy Feeding and Infant Support Pillow, you’ll never want to feed your baby without it. The Boppy pillow gets your infant to the right height for feedings, whether you are going with bottles or nursing. As your baby starts sitting, the U-shaped pillow can provide extra support. Pro tip: Get an extra cover or two. $40. Available at Target and amazon.com. Keep outside noises from intruding into your baby’s room with the LectroFan white-noise sound machine. Choose from 10 fan sounds and 10 ambient noise variations — all nonlooping. $49.99. At Bed Bath and Beyond and amazon.com. Finding a sleek, midcenturymodern crib with a price tag comparable to traditionally styled cribs was a tall order until Delta Children released their Sloane 4-in-1 Acrylic Convertible Crib. The clean lines and clear acrylic slats give the crib an open, airy feel. The crib has three height settings and can turn into a toddler bed, daybed or sofa. $499.99. At deltachildren.com. — D.C

Who: The organization Society for Science & the Public recently awarded $5,000 to Philip Clarke,

a teacher at Centennial

High School in Gresham, to help him mentor students in science while they are learning at home. Clarke is in his fourth year of teaching and runs an engineering club through the MESA organization.

What:

PHILIP CLARKE

Clarke will use his grant money to help his students who are aiming to compete in the MESA USA National Engineering Design Competition, Designing for Equity. “I’m putting together packages of equipment, (including some treats), and delivering those to students’ houses myself,” says Clarke. “It’s really important to me to give my students hands-on experiences with these materials that they might not otherwise have access to.”

“As a teacher, I have always thrived Why: on my relationships with my students,” says Clarke. “It’s what makes the job so rewarding and fun. I definitely learn as much from them about life and the world as they do from me. I think the move to comprehensive distance learning in Oregon has made that far more challenging. We’re all incredibly grateful for a safe teaching and learning environment, but it’s a whole new world in terms of communication.” — D.C.

Ask Dr. Doug

Q: My daughter’s pediatrician always asks us if my daughter snores when she sleeps. She doesn’t, but I’m wondering why she asks and what we should do if she does start snoring?

A: I’m glad your pediatrician is asking about this. Asking about sleep is an important part of my well child check visits, and sometimes snoring is a clue that sleep isn’t as good as we need it to be.

First, why care so much about sleep? Seems obvious to overtired parents! Sleep, beyond just allowing us to feel rested in the morning, is an active process critical to our brain and body. During sleep, important functions happen such as a consolidation of memories and learning, as well as a release of hormones that impact growth and mood. Tired kids may not seem sleepy, but rather can be irritable and impulsive. Any time I’m thinking about ADHD I’m also asking about sleep. Getting enough quality sleep is a critical piece of keeping us healthy — ? Got a question for Dr. Doug? Send it to AsktheDr@pdxparent.com. kids and adults alike.

Snoring may be a clue that your child is having breathing problems while they sleep. Most kids will snore at some point, especially if they are sick or have allergies. But if snoring is a habitual problem or seems to be impacting sleep, then we need to address it. Kids sometimes have obvious sleep breathing problems like gasping or long pauses in breathing, but other issues may be more subtle. Unless you are seeing it happen or sleeping together, it’s often hard to know if they’re having problems or not. A sleep study can help clarify this, where you and your child sleep in a center overnight with monitors to check breathing, sleep phases, oxygen levels and more.

If a child snores and has a positive sleep study or concerns with breathing, it’s worth a visit to an ear, nose and throat doctor to discuss options. Many children have enlarged tonsils or adenoids, which are patches of immune system tissue in our nose and throat that sometimes get too big and can block airflow. Tonsils we can see (those balls on the sides of your throat at the back), but adenoids are at the back of the nose and can’t be seen by looking in the mouth. Other children may have breathing problems due to obesity or genetic differences like Down syndrome.

If tonsils or adenoids are enlarged, options include watchful waiting to see if they get smaller on their own, addressing allergies, trying nasal steroid sprays, or surgically removing them. Removing tonsils hurts more than removing adenoids, and while there are risks of bleeding and dehydration, it’s usually a quick recovery after a short day surgery. Kids always impress me with how resilient they are. As always, if you have any concerns about breathing, snoring or your child’s sleep, make sure to bring it up with your pediatrician.

Dr. Doug Lincoln practices general pediatrics at Metropolitan Pediatrics in Happy Valley. He is board-certified in both pediatrics and preventive medicine, with special interests in helping parents meet their breastfeeding goals, caring for neurodiverse children with behavioral health needs, and advocating for children via teaching and policy. As a dad of two boys, he understands the joy and hard work that comes with parenting. Find out more about Dr. Doug and Metropolitan Pediatrics at metropediatrics.com.

DR. DOUG