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Idon’t have a tween or teen. Yet. But with each birthday that passes, I feel it coming. I get the occasional eye roll from my 8-year-old daughter, Adela. And seeing as she is already pretty dramatic now, I’m not looking forward to what the teen years may bring. Of course, researching the ways COVID-19 has impacted the mental health of teens and tweens for the story Talk It Out, on page 10, didn’t do much to help with that particular worry. But the advice delivered by pediatric experts on how parents can keep the lines of communication open with their teenagers ultimately made me feel better.

For now, I am trying to remember just how little my daughter and her 5-year-old brother still are. And as much as all this forced pandemic closeness has me struggling to maintain some semblance of personal space, I do know the days of her wanting to cuddle with me are numbered. So I snuggle her closer and deeply breathe in the scent of her hair. And I remember that irresistible, milky newborn smell that I swear was just there yesterday. But no, it’s been eight years since she made me a mom. I had clung to a falsely optimistic hope that by her birthday at the end of July, the pandemic would be under control and we’d actually be able to have a small party somewhat similar to the old days. But that didn’t happen. So I asked her what she wanted instead. She chose a birthday

parade. I asked what theme she would have chosen if we’d had a normal party, and she said “Harry Potter.” So I went to work (and felt fortunate to be able to afford a celebration). I ordered a big sign for our front yard as a surprise (see page 20).

BETSY PARKER

I cleaned up some glass bottles for a “potions lab” display in our driveway and we made some uber-cool magic wands for friends to take home. “This might just be a good birthday after all,” she said as we were hot gluing plastic craft gems onto wooden dowels. Small-enough groups of friends dropped by over the course of an hour and a half that the kids could help make the potions bubble up by dropping bits of dry ice into the bottles filled with hot water, food coloring and a bit of dish soap. (Pro tip: You can buy dry ice at WinCo!) Everyone wore a mask. I tied helium balloons to wands and spread them around our lawn so kids could have plenty of room to pick a wand to take home. At the end of the day, she did confirm that it was indeed a good birthday despite the pandemic. And that was all I had hoped for.

What’s the most tween thing your tween does?

My oldest daughter keeps trying to get away with things that I think are too grown-up. “ Like trying to leave the house with my heels on. And there is a lot of ‘Well, so-and-so’s mom lets them do …’

Maggie is saying ‘IDK’ in response to questions as opposed to saying ‘I don’t know.’ I also think sometimes she does know.

Luke tells me ‘Mom — that is so cringe’ whenever I do something that em barrasses him, which is happening more often now.

What I’ve noticed more with my 10-year-old tweens is how much sneakier they’re getting about screen time. And a general uptick with sassiness. ”

On our cover: Local photographer and mom of three Nancy Minoui captured this gorgeous shot of 17-year-old Isabell at George Rogers Park in Lake Oswego. “I’ve been a photographer for five years now,” says Minoui. “Becoming a mother was what inspired me to become a photographer. Documenting love and life fills my heart with joy.” Find more of her work at nancyminouiphotography.com or on Instagram @nancyminoui.

for the long days and short years

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For 14 nights in July, had a few hundred Eddy Binford-Ross, followers before Eddy the South Salem started live-tweeting High School senior from nightly Portland at the helm of the protests; the account school newspaper, now clocks 12,000- The Clypian, was plus followers. “It tear-gassed by was sometimes hard federal officers as she to witness such a reported on Portland’s dangerous and dynamic George Floyd situation, especially demonstrations for the because there were paper’s website and Twitter account. “I had Kid to Know: moments where I thought something several stun grenades thrown toward me when I was clearly marked as press and was standing off to On-the-spot Reporter EDDY BINFORD-ROSS really bad could happen and that someone could end up dying,” says Eddy. “For example, I saw agents with the side away from assault rifles; once I protesters,” says the saw them point at a 17-year-old. “I was also shoved into a wall as I was trying to move vehicle with people in it. The hours were also difficult — there out of the way, with my hands up. There was also an incident were some nights where I wouldn’t get home until 4:30 am. in which a federal agent pointed a crowd-control munitions gun However, none of that deterred me from wanting to document toward me and the press corps as we stood off to the side, what was going on. It was surprising how much I learned about away from protesters. The agent was then told what sounded the crowd-control munitions that law enforcement uses. That like, ‘That’s press, don’t shoot,’ at which point he turned his gun was knowledge I never expected to gain, ever. I also learned away momentarily and then turned it back and pointed it right how much tear gas hurts. … I also think I learned a lot about at me.” resiliency.” Prior to the murder of George Floyd and the demonstrations that had sprung up around the country to protest his death and police brutality, Eddy covered a number of different topics, from student profiles and sports stories to national and local politics. But her consistent presence at Black Lives Matter demonstrations in both Salem and Portland have put her and The Clypian in the spotlight. The paper’s Twitter account As the fall semester starts up, Eddy will focus on providing readers with helpful information on schooling in the age of COVID-19 and encouraging Clypian staff to give the paper’s website a visual refresh. She’d also like to keep The Clypian’s newfound social-media followers engaged. Eddy is not sure if she will pursue a career in journalism, but whatever her career path, she plans to stay on the front lines. — Denise Castañon

We Recommend:Upcycled birthday garlands

Sustainably celebrate your kiddo’s birthday and support the local mom-and-pop team of Michelle Sanders and Miguel Salinas by ordering a custom Attic Journals birthday banner. The letters are punched out of colorful board books that would have otherwise gone to the landfill, and will last for years to come. Prices start at $14. At Atticjournals.com. — D.C.

Reader Poll Winners: Kindie Musician/ Performer

We live in a city that is chock full of talented performers for kids, but our readers managed to narrow down the field to their absolute favorites. Most of these entertainers are offering online shows and can even customize a virtual birthday show for your kid’s big day. To view the full results from our readers’ poll, visit pdxparent.com/ picks-winners. — D.C.

Winner: Red Yarn

Red Yarn, aka Andy Furgeson, and his puppet critters have been charming young Portland audiences for years. And we love that his Americana folk-rock tunes don’t just get kids hopping like squirrels — they also get kids thinking about and standing up for equal rights. Be sure to

P D X P A R E N T P I C K S P D X P A R E N T P I C K S check out his latest album, Backyard Bop. WINNER

Top 5 Kelli Welli Micah and Me Children’s Music Show Mr. Ben Music Olive & Dingo Productions Tallulah’s Daddy

Ask Dr. Doug

Q: My son is almost 3 and completely refuses or melts down when we try to work on potty training. My niece turned 2 a few months ago and is completely potty trained. What gives? I really want to be done with diapers.

A: 2-year-olds get a bad rap in general — I love watching kids this age as their independence, language, competence and mastery grows. But we all know 2- and 3-year-olds can be pretty resistant and dig in their heels when it seems like their parents have a “not so great” idea about what they should be doing. This certainly applies to putting pee and poop in the toilet.

Potty training is like sleep training — you need to find a pediatrician who will partner with you and help you clarify your goals. And then support you when your toddler laughs at those goals. (Just kidding — sort of.)

Most toddlers are physically ready for potty training around 18 months. Occasionally you’ll be surprised by your 20-month-old wanting to sit on the potty, and he may even go at the same time. “Ah,” you think, “this is going to be a piece of cake.” And then, when you suggest going again, either ? Got a question for Dr. Doug? Send it to AsktheDr@pdxparent.com. laughter, distraction or “no!” ensues.

Before successfully potty training, toddlers need to have the understanding to recognize the feeling of needing to go, the words to convey that, the ability to hold it and delay for something more fun, and a desire to be dry. Usually this happens between 2 and 3 years old.

Some kids who are ready and motivated with fairly even-keeled temperaments will have an easy time with some of the popular “boot camp” methods out there. These methods tend to work if you are regimented and you have the time. In general, I tend to be fairly hands off about potty training. It’s OK to encourage the trying, and praise the process, but never shame for going in the diaper or having an accident. That’s a setup for withholding stool, constipation, and issues in the future.

Make sitting on the potty and reading a book a part of bedtime routine. Some kids like small potties and others want a seat on the big potty. Many will learn to pee in the toilet well before they are comfortable stooling in one. Some are very motivated to be in underwear, and some couldn’t care less. Prizes and rewards usually don’t work too well — this is about mastery and control. It’s an act they have control over, and if they aren’t motivated to do it, bribing or shaming will backfire in the long run. If there are tears on both sides, drop it, and consider trying again in a few weeks or months.

If we get into late 3 and 4 years old and there are struggles, sometimes we need to delve a bit further into what else may be going on — bring this up with your pediatrician. And remember, nighttime dryness often comes months to years after being dry during the day. This is normal too.

Don’t fret, this will happen.

Dr. Doug Lincoln practices general pediatrics at Metropolitan Pediatrics in Happy Valley. He is board certified in both pediatrics and preventive medicine, with special interests in helping parents meet their breastfeeding goals, caring for neurodiverse children with behavioral health needs, and advocating for children via teaching and policy. As a dad of two boys, he understands the joy and hard work that comes with parenting. Find out more about Dr. Doug and Metropolitan Pediatrics at metropediatrics.com.

DR. DOUG

In my family, day trips for an entire and short jaunts have afternoon. (And proven to be highly stop by Seal Rock’s beneficial for everyone’s Indulge Sweets mental health. It’s easy for to-die-for fudge to keep a safe distance or Tillamook ice from others while visiting cream. Don’t miss the beautiful natural the decadent scenery in the coastal salted caramel towns of Waldport fudge — trust us!) and Yachats. You can For camping-lite catch a glimpse of accommodations lounging and playful that help you easily harbor seals during a distance, check out morning walk across the deluxe cabins the Alsea Bay Bridge at the Waldport/ in Waldport. Venture to Newport KOA. Smelts Sands Park Each has a private in Yachats and walk along the paved 804 DENISE CASTAÑON Getaway: bathroom and kitchenette, but Trail to watch blowholes put on a show. Walking Waldport/Yachats you’ll need to bring your own linens or north along the 804 sleeping bags and Trail leads you to a vast sandy beach. (Thor’s Well is another a camping cookstove. They’ve also got firepits and outdoor nearby blowhole. Please don’t walk on those rocks. But the trail grills. Or get takeout fish ’n chips from Luna Sea Fish House in north from Thor’s Well will lead you to peaceful tide pools full Yachats. (If your kids don’t do seafood, there’s a cheeseburger of green anemones!) For beachgoing without the walk, drive on the menu, too.) Swing by the newly reopened Oregon Coast north of Waldport to Seal Rock State Recreation Site. Bring Aquarium in Newport on your way in or out (outdoor exhibits chairs and park yourselves next to the little creek if engineering only are open at this time). You can read about their COVID-19 a dam or building a sandcastle would keep your kiddos busy safety procedures at aquarium.org. — D.C.

Black Lives Matter: Home Is Where the Heart Is

Starting this month, we’ll highlight an organization to support or action your family can take to help Black families in our community. This month we’re focusing on the good work done by Taking Ownership PDX, a new organization that works to overcome the hurdles that redlining, gentrification and systemic racism have thrown up for Black families. From full renovations to minor plumbing fixes, Taking Ownership organizes teams of volunteers to rehab Black-owned homes at the request of the homeowners. Taking Ownership is looking for skilled volunteers as well financial and materials donations. Find out more at takingownershippdx.com. — D.C.

Comcast Addresses Distance-Learning Challenges by Enhancing Internet Essentials Program for Low-Income Families

With distance learning the current reality in Portland, Comcast recently announced enhancements to its Internet Essentials program, designed to help accelerate Internet adoption at this critical time. Internet Essentials offers low-income households low-cost, broadband Internet service for $9.95/month, along with the option to buy a heavily-subsidized computer, and multiple options for free digital literacy training.

And all new Internet Essentials customers can receive two months of free Internet service if they apply before the end of 2020. In addition, the company announced it will forgive back debt due so more families can apply.

Another feature of the recent announcement: Comcast is providing all Internet Essentials customers free access to xFi, a simple, digital dashboard that enables customers to set up and manage their home WiFi and their children’s devices. With it, they can see what devices are connected, set safe-browsing modes so children can only access age-appropriate content, get notifications about activity on their home WiFi, and have the ability to pause devices for dinner or bedtime.

Over the past decade, Internet Essentials has become the nation’s largest low-income Internet adoption program and has connected millions of people to the Internet. Marion Haynes, Vice-President of External Affairs at Comcast Oregon/SW Washington, says school districts across the region are partnering with Comcast to ensure kids can successfully participate in distance learning. “Internet Essentials is truly living up to its name, providing school districts and their student populations with an established program to bridge the digital divide.”

“Internet Essentials has been crucial for our families and students who rely on us for not only academics but also essential needs and social and emotional supports,” said Karen Werstein of Portland Public Schools, the state’s largest school district. “Our partnership with Comcast has enabled students to progress through their school curricula,and stay connected to their teachers and classmates during these uncertain times.”

Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, the “Internet Essentials Partnership Program” has already collaborated with more than 10 school districts in Oregon/SW Washington The program relies on public-private partnerships and enables entire communities to work together to coordinate funding to help connect K-12 students at no cost to the customer. The program also includes two months of free Internet service for new Internet Essentials customers.

The broadband speeds offered through Internet Essentials ensure households have all they need to remain connected to essential online activities. A home with Internet Essentials can have up to three high-quality Zoom calls at the same time or four simultaneous high-quality video calls on Skype.

To apply, go to www.internetessentials.com

Asurvey conducted by Common Sense Media confirmed some things we already knew: Teens are worried about COVID-19’s impact on their families, and being isolated from peers has made them more lonely. So what can parents do to help their tweens and teens weather the mental health impacts of COVID-19? We reached out to three local pediatric mental health experts for advice. Here we mention some of the results of the Common Sense Media survey as Talk It Talk It Out well as some preliminary research published in medical journals, and our experts offer up actions parents can take.

According to an April Common Sense Media survey of teens, 61 percent worried that someone in their family will be exposed to COVID-19. How can parents talk to their teens about this to ease their worries?

“Honesty is the best policy when it comes to talking with teens about serious issues like coronavirus. Most of our kids, and especially our teens, are technologically savvy and connected. What we don’t tell them, they will often find out from other often not-so-reliable sources. As a preparatory step, parents should first inform themselves of the facts and latest developments by using a reliable resource. They should then set aside time to sit down and have a frank and open discussion with their teenager. While honesty is important, it is also important to consider how much information your individual teenager can process and emotionally manage, and to adjust your approach accordingly. We all feel more empowered and hopeful if we focus efforts on what we have control over versus getting caught up in all that we’ve lost. While covering concerns about risk of infection should be one part of this discussion, it is important to then take it to the next level by talking to teens about how best to protect themselves and those with whom they come into contact. If everyone plays their part in prevention efforts, the rate of exposure will drop and we will all be at lower risk.” In that same survey, 63 percent worried about the effect COVID-19 may have on their family’s ability to make a living or earn money. How can parents talk to their teens about this to ease their worries?

“This is a very understandable worry! I think one approach to talk to a youth about this

Parents know that social distancing has had a big mental health impact on teens and tweens. We asked local pediatric experts for some advice on how to talk to teens about how they are feeling and when to seek professional help. BY DENISE CASTAÑON And 42 percent of teens surveyed feel more lonely than usual. What are some things parents can do to help their teens feel less lonely and still keep Out FOR MORE STORIES on parenting pre-teens and teenagers, visit pdxparent.com/teen-and-tween. physically distant from others outside their household?

caregivers to check in on our own thoughts and worries: How we are actively working to mitigate them and cope with difficult emotions, and what our own action plans are. While a lecture will not be welcomed by most teens and tweens, having an honest and matterof-fact conversation around the unique situation your family is in financially and what the adults are doing to ensure safety for the family can be reassuring. If appropriate, inviting the youth in your family to offer their thoughts and advice and play a role in contributing to supporting the family can mobilize that worry into positive action. Some examples of what this could look like a teen taking over a chore around the house to contribute to the family while the parents work from home or having a family discussion over how to be more judicious in spending.”

— Jacquelyn Collura, M.D., a pediatrician board certified in child and adolescent psychiatry at Kaiser Permanente’s Sunnyside Medical Center “This is a question that has come up a lot with our families in the past several months. In some ways, social media is playing an important role in helping some kids to stay connected and feel less lonely. In other ways, it has been a curse to those parents who are desperately trying to enforce responsible social distancing as their teen sees posts with a large group of their closest friends spending time at the lake together. Balancing screen time, and specifically social media engagement, with other types of activities is key. With careful planning and a little creativity, parents can help facilitate some limited in-person interaction with their teenager’s friends. One teen I know arranged a socially distanced Starbucks date with several friends by setting up appropriately distanced lawn chairs in an empty parking lot nearby. Another family hosted a backyard graduation party to celebrate their high schooler’s recent graduation, but required all guests to wear masks, and staggered attendance over the course of the day to allow people to maintain a safe distance from one another. I know that some of the local athletic organizations are being very creative with their practices by doing things like having kids complete ‘drills’ from chalked-in squares that are spaced at least 6 feet apart. Parents, schools and communities will continue to need to think outside the box to find safe ways to keep our kids both physically active and social.” — Jane Uchison, Psy.D.

APPS such as Insight Timer, Breathe, Calm,

and myStrength (some of which may be available through your health care provider) can offer support around developing/ maintaining healthy routines, mindfulness activities and some basic health coaching. — Jacquelyn Collura, M.D.

According to a research letter in JAMA Pediatrics , Chinese scientists found that 22.6 percent of students under shelter-in-place orders reported having depressive symptoms, which is higher than other investigations in Chinese primary schools ( 17.2 percent ). What are depressive symptoms that parents should look for? What should they do if they see them?

“It is important to normalize feelings of sadness during what has been an unbelievably difficult time. It is OK for kids to grieve the loss of what life was like pre-coronavirus, and to take some time to think and talk about their sadness. At the same time, it is important for them to learn now to manage their negative emotions. One way of doing this includes setting aside designated time (no more than 15 to 20 minutes) each day to be sad, angry, or worried about the ramifications of coronavirus. A watch or timer should be used to keep track of the time. When the 15 to 20 minutes expires, the time devoted to those concerns ends until the following day. If additional concerns or negative emotions about this topic cross their mind later that day, they should practice ‘postponing’ these concerns until the next designated time.”

— Jane Uchison, Psy.D.

“Signs of depression are sleeping more than usual, disengaging from activities and social interactions, feeling and looking sad. Most teens will share their feelings if asked in a nonthreatening way: ‘I’m worried about you. You seem sad and disinterested. How can I help? How are you feeling?’ Also you should ask if your teen has any thoughts of self-harm or of suicide. If you feel your teen is experiencing depression that is persistent, or any self-harm thoughts, you should seek the help of your pediatrician or a therapist. If your teen is suicidal, call a crisis line or bring them to the ER.”

— Lisa Reynolds, M.D., a pediatrician in Portland and the mother of 19- and 21-year-old sons

RESOURCES

FOR TEENS

AND PARENTS

YouthLine offers phone call, text and online chat-based support for youth and young adults ages 11 to 21. 877-968-8491, oregonyouthline.org. The Trevor Project is a national organization offering support to LGBTQ youth. 24/7 crisis and support: 1-866-488-7386, thetrevorproject.org. County Crisis Lines can help with in-the-moment crisis support, as well as helping teens and parents assess service needs and access appropriate care: Washington County: 503-291-9111 Clackamas County: 888-414-1553 Multnomah County: 503-988-4888

As a last, but sometimes necessary resort, if a parent does not feel that they can keep their teenager safe due to self-harming behaviors or suicidal thoughts or plans, they should call 911 or transport their teen to the nearest emergency room for a safety assessment. If possible, it can be helpful to first contact the county crisis line for guidance, as they may be able to provide other options for immediate assessment and/ or help coordinate assessment at the appropriate hospital emergency room. — Jane Uchison, Psy.D.

A reflection in The Lancet cited a British survey of youth up to 25 years old with a history of mental illness in which 83 percent of respondents said the pandemic had made their conditions worse; 26 percent said they were unable to access mental health support. What should parents of tweens and teens who have already been diagnosed with mental health issues especially be aware of?

“This question brings up two important points — the limited access to mental health support, as well as the increased risk of recurrence after initial diagnosis with a mental health condition. I do think realistically, many individuals are experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed and hopeless with this combination. In this setting, it is helpful again to go back to the basics that we know from research as well as clinical experience that can make a big In this setting, it is helpful difference in one’s mood and ability to tolerate stress. For teens again to go back to the basics and tweens more concretely this means aiming for nine hours of sleep a night, having three meals a day with a good variety that we know from research as of fruits, veggies and protein and limited sugar intake. Most of well as clinical experience that us work best following a regular schedule, which has become more challenging with less external structures such as school can make a big difference in and in-office jobs. While a regimented structure may not be one’s mood and ability to tolerate necessary, having clear expectations of when to awaken, when stress. For teens and tweens more meals are and when to wind down for sleep at the end of the day can be helpful and reassuring. Regular exercise, getting concretely this means aiming for outside in a safe way following social distancing precautions, nine hours of sleep a night, having and social interaction are all important for us to maintain a healthy mind. Similarly, there is good evidence behind meditation three meals a day with a good and mindfulness-based practices to help with depression and variety of fruits, veggies and anxiety. If you know someone who has been diagnosed with a protein and limited mental health condition previously and have concerns they are likely to experience distress again, checking in around these sugar intake. areas and taking a ‘preventative’ approach can be very helpful. If you are concerned that you are observing mood or anxiety symptoms or other changes or have any concerns for your child’s safety, calling your child’s primary care provider and/or mental health provider if they are already in care to re-establish a connection as soon as possible will be important.”

— Jacquelyn Collura, M.D.

SOURCES:

» surveymonkey.com/curiosity/common-sense-media-coronavirus/ » jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2765196 » thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(20)30109-7/fulltext