YOU CAN’T STOP THE BEAT Dear DAVID

QI am 25 years old, and I quite honestly have a lot of anxiety when it comes to dating. With all the apps and the hookup culture in the gay community, it is so difficult for me to gauge whether a guy just wants a hookup or if he actually wants to get to know you. And now, so many couples are opening up their relationship, which makes it even harder to figure out what they are into because now all the lines are blurred. I really want a deeper connection with someone, but I am both a little put off and a nervous wreck at the same time–are there really no genuine guys left out there anymore?I want to break my negative thinking, and I want to find love ultimately–but how?

AIt is always challenging to put yourself out there. The first step for you is to admit that you are in- deed anxious about dating! Anx- iety is perfectly normal, but the moment you stop semi-judging yourself for having anxiety, you will be more relaxed in yourself, which could ultimately be trans- ferred to a date. Another thing you can do is to evaluate if the hookup and dating apps are hurt- ing or helping you. If you’ve had it with biased preferences and rude- ness from strangers, then take a break–apps are not the only way to meet guys! If you do feel the need for an app in your life, stay clear of the sex apps, and go for one catered more towards dating. Be honest and realistic, which is the best basis to spark the initial online conversation with someone. No matter how you meet some- one, start by communicating and get to know the person even be- fore you actually date. Many red and green flags can be hashed out that way. And it is totally okay for you to voice your concerns and fears about dating. Being open and honest about feelings and ex- pectations will create the basis for a deeper connection. Yes, dating can be time-consuming and anxi- ety-inducing, but if you put in the effort, you are much more likely to succeed. Most people ultimately want the same as you: an intimate connection with someone else that transcends just hooking up.