Dear DAVID

So, my (straight) friend and I like to go out and have a good time, drink, and dance. We’ve been doing it for years and years, but then things changed. Specifically, we were really drunk, we went to my place to crash (he doesn’t live in the city), and we end up having this crazy, drunken, but amazing sex. The next day we hang out a little without ever mentioning the sex incident, and then he left. Now, we’re only texting sporadically, and when I asked him if he wanted to go to a music festival with me, he declined, which seems very unusual. Did I ruin our friendship forever?

First of all, take a deep breath and relax your shoulders a little. Hooking up is not wrong, and neither is hooking up with a guy who self-identifies as straight – even though it may feel off or wrong right now. Maybe this was the first time he had gay sex, and you introduced it to him, so that’s cool. What’s not so cool is that you did it with a good friend. Hooking up is great, but it also comes at a price. If he is insecure about his sexuality, then he might have a lot of different feelings about the incident and you right now. So, give him some time, and let him take the next step. Maybe you’ll be able to talk about this at some point. Or maybe you’ll keep it forever as your unspoken secret. As for you, you just need to step back a little and give him that space to figure out what is going on. Hopefully, the friendship will prevail and you’ll have a friend (or lover) who is closer to who he really is.