Dear David

Dear DAVID Q A

I’m in a relationship for many years, and together we have built a nice life together. But lately, I feel like we are just companions. My partner is not interested in having sex at all, and except for the occasional cuddle, we don’t have much contact except for fixing up the yard or working on projects for the house. He even encourages me to go have sex with others, and we are at a point now, where I have started to act on that –first as a means to get a reaction out of him, but now more because I really don’t think he cares anymore, and I need some intimacy in my life. Are we just waiting for something else to come along?

Relationships change – especially after many years of being in one! Some grow into a stronger and deeper love, while others become more of a companionship – a companionate relationship. Fine for some, while it’s unbearable for others. You are at the point in your relationship where you both start to assess, what you want –or don’t want – out of the relationship. Agree to do some thinking on your own and then meet for a fair and honest discussion of what you really want. In case this is difficult, seeing a therapist can be very helpful to guide you both in the right direction. Being in a companionate relationship can have its advantages, especially if you work out how you can both be happy, satisfied, and content within it. But if this is indeed impeding on the happiness of one of people in the relationship, it’s time to reevaluate. If that means rekindling a spark that is still there, completely redefining the relationship, or perhaps even ending this and moving on is up to you. So do yourself (both!) the favor and find out.