HUMOUR

LIST LOVE 69 things to do at SFU

The Ultimate Chaotic SFU Bucketlist

Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate

1. Touch the avocado 2. Actually, maybe don’t touch the avocado 3. Roast marshmallows at the fire pits 4. Write for The Peak 5. Join a sorority to figure out why the fuck people join sororities 6. Have the AQ Wi-Fi crash in the middle of your Zoom lecture 7. Go to puppy therapy 8. Smuggle a puppy out of puppy therapy 9. Run for the 144 10. Miss the 144 11. Complain about how cold it is 12. Walk to Burnaby Mountain Park 13. Go to the Trottier Observatory 14. Wait outside the Trottier Observatory for hours because of COVID-19 restrictions — and you were too busy getting high to get there early 15. Volunteer at TEDxSFU 16. Complain about the construction 17. Stand awkwardly outside of your professor’s office waiting for office hours 18. Accidentally make eye contact with the person leaving your professor’s office hours 19. Run away from a raccoon 20. Vandalize the avocado 21. Sell your right arm to buy an SFU hoodie 22. Take a nap on the bottom floor of WMC 23. Hope that nobody steals your laptop 24. Take an astrology class 25. Realize three weeks into it that you actually enrolled in astronomy 26. Take a selfie with Joy Johnson 27. Become Supreme Marshmallow Outdoor Roast Educator 28. Switch majors 29. Switch majors again 30. Realise in your last semester you’d rather be majoring in your minor and while you could switch majors again, you’ve also already have spent one third of your life in university and are thousands of dollars in debt 31. Just accept your degree knowing it won’t make a difference after graduation anyways 32. Play one of the grand pianos 33. Get day drunk at Biercraft 34. Write a panic-email to ask your prof for an extension 35. Save your panic-email as a draft and don’t actually send it 36. Regret not sending your panic-email 37. Buy a salad from the robot vending machine 38. Take a nap in the nap room 39. Get in an argument via Facebook comment section with someone from the SFSS 40. Get in an argument with someone in an argument with the SFSS because, what the fuck, they are more annoying than the person in the SFSS you were arguing with to begin with 41. Run for a position in the SFSS 42. Regret it immediately 43. Get lost in RCB and complain about it 44. Buy a carrot muffin from Renaissance 45. Buy a poster at the poster sale 46. Become a TA 47. Also regret it immediately 48. Trip walking up the Saywell Hall stairs 49. Post a screenshot of your schedule on Must Knows 50. Make fun of people who post screenshots of their schedules on Must Knows 51. Get stranded on campus when the buses stop running 52. Attend an SFU Football game 53. Cheer for the other team 54. Take a selfie with McFogg 55. Walk in circles around the AQ 56. Walk in . . . lines (?) around West Mall 57. Test out all of the bathrooms on campus 58. Transit between all three campuses in one day 59. Take a night class 60. Take an 8:30 a.m. and hate yourself for the rest of the semester 61. Fall off of the climbing wall at the Lorne Davies Complex 62. Get a ticket the one day you decide not to pay for parking 63. Walk through the AQ courtyard in October 64. Realise you’re walking in the middle of a convocation ceremony 65. Cry because, while you’ve been here for what feels like a million years, you’re not actually a part of the convocation ceremony 66. Submit a meme to SFU Dank Memes Gang 67. Put “SFU” in your Instagram bio 68. Remove “SFU” from your Instagram bio 69. Have sex in the avocado

ARIES — Mar 2–Apr 19

You love a good sitcom prank. As overdone as the whipping cream-sleep-feather routine might be, it also never fails to get you a laugh (track). Watch out this April Fool’s day though, there’s a warm cup of water with your passed out finger’s name on it. You’re going to sleep through April Fool’s this year after pulling a hectic all-nighter. Sucks to suck.

TAURUS — Apr 20–May 20

You like to go all out with your pranks. Which would be great if you didn’t waste all your time on blueprints. Now you don’t have enough time to set up your materials for April Fool’s and Mercury was so excited to see that one with the windmill . . .

GEMINI — May 21–Jun 20

What goes around comes around. And in your case it’ll be the ketchup you (hilariously) switched out for hot sauce last week. Gemini, this would all be avoidable if you just stop getting your prankees to make lunch for you, c’mon.

CANCER — Jun 21–Jul 22

You’re a newbie when it comes to pranks, but don’t be shy. Just start off with something small, like a whoopie cushion. It’s guaranteed to blow your friends away. It’s an absolute gas! Victory will be in the air! . . . You know . . . The smell of success . . .

LEO — Jul 23–Aug 22

It’s never enough for you to do a prank. You always have to go about starting a prank war with the most random people and it’s honestly exhausting . . . Take the day off this April Fool’s.

VIRGO — Aug 23–Sept 22

Instead of doing the pranks, you’re the target. But don’t worry, it’s not too late to turn the tables. Next time you discover that your sugar is salt, bake the most elaborate and least suspect revenge cake your friends have ever tasted. Start working on your victory dance kid, this is going to be an absolute winner. LIBRA — Sept 23–Oct 22

SCORPIO — Oct 23–Nov 21

Scorpio, you’re an absolute expert when it comes to pranks and the stars respect you entirely for it. But as long as we’re being honest, the stars also think that secret prank lair you have is an odd, unnecessary waste of $5,000 dollars.

SAGITTARIUS — Nov 22–Dec 21

You tend to plan extravagant pranks, but someone always spoils them for you and you can’t figure out who. It’s you, Sagittarius. You and your inability to keep a secret. We get you’re proud and want the credit, but just try playing it cool for like three days this year.

CAPRICORN — Dec 22–Jan 19

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but, your pranks are pretty predictable. Literally everyone can see those whoopee cushions coming from a mile away . . . Try mixing it up this year! Early bird gets the worm! (And then immediately puts the worm in their roommate’s cereal.)

AQUARIUS — Jan 20–Feb 18

Why do your pranks always involve random costumes? And how do you keep losing pieces of your sets? Now you have half of a Buzz Lightyear costume, a unicorn head, and a lot of explaining to do to the person who just opened your secret closet.

PISCES — Feb 19–Mar 20

You got your days mixed up and have all your elaborate jokes prepared for April 2 instead. It looks like poor Pisces is April’s fool this year.

COMICS BY SARA BRINKAC