1 minute read
The 11:58 Essay
from Football Fights Back
by The Peak
Written by Gabriel Kitosos
Small leaf tea (in your own cup)
Ah, yes, a calming tea for a calm person. Wrong Don’t be fooled by the choice of beverage; you couldn’t find inner peace if it were pinned on Google Maps. If the internal locus of control had a Hinge profile, it would look identical to yours. You despise the saying “everything happens for a reason,” and take no chances when it comes to finding love (or bringing awareness to climate change). You background check every single one of your matches and think of all the possible ways it could go wrong — not because of personal experience, of course.
Occupation:
Height: Location:
Looking for:
Volunteer with the Climate Action Network Canada 5‘2”
Vancouver, BC
Anyone but Randy
I’m obsessed with (in this particular order)
Revenge
Randy, if you’re reading this, which I bet you aren’t because you probably think this is “too long,” you better stop changing my streaming service passwords, or else I’ll tell your mom what REALLY happened between us (P.S. your PlayStation 5 is having a fun little bathtime right now).
Sustainabili-tea
My dream home must include:
The Lorax
Anyone with exceptional credit and carbon footprint scores
