THE IMPACT OF STRESS

By Lori Gard

Recently, I felt overwhelmed by a task I was about to undertake. I could feel the signs of stress in my body: shallow breathing, increased heart rate, tightness in my belly and more. Since I was home at the time, I was able to tap into some built-in resources I have access to, in the form of seeking out significant people and loved ones for help. A tender bear hug from someone who cares helped me to regulate my emotions and return to a place of stability. Those arms of safety, wrapped around my body, sent my nervous system a message of safety and connection. I felt okay and ready to face the challenge. This is the essence of co-regulation.

What is Dysregulation, SelfRegulation, and Co-Regulation?

According to the Very Well Mind (www. verywellmind.com,) dysregulation occurs when we struggle to modulate emotional responses. For instance, this is evidenced when a child, youth, or adult struggles to make decisions, struggles to manage emotions, or even avoids experiencing difficult emotions. We can see moments of dysregulation in children when they are not compliant with our directives. We can also see moments of dysregulation in ourselves when we are faced with an impossibly difficult task that seems insurmountable. Self-regulation happens when we can stay calm and focused enough to exercise control over our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. Sometimes this is not possible. Co-regulation occurs when we need extra support for self-regulation to take place. In this capacity, someone other than ourselves assists us in implementing strategies and skills that will help us stay calm and stable.

How to Regulate Myself

I can and have learned strategies that will assist in the process of self-regulation. Humans are adaptable and able to change. One change we can make for ourselves is to recognize disruptive, intrusive thoughts and think about what we would rather be experiencing. When we know better what we want, we can do better to advocate change for ourselves. Knowing that I want calm then provides me with a goal. I can seek out ways to stay calm, such as learning to increase my tolerance for uncomfortable feelings and limit my impulses, as well maintaining an inner dialogue with myself, and an open dialogue with others. Beyond this, I can further find ways to utilize mindfulness in my everyday life.

How to Regulate Others

When I have learned the skills and strategies that enable me to selfregulate, I can then help others to do the same. This is the co-regulating ability of a person to help support another person finding it difficult to manage big emotions or who might be reacting adversely to challenging situations. The co-regulator, with a calm, steady presence—assists in lending their calm, in soothing, and reminding the person experiencing dysregulation that they are not alone. The connection and stability provided in co-regulation is often enough to enable someone experiencing emotional dysregulation to find that inner calm they are seeking.

Co-Regulation in Everyday Life

I encounter moments each day in which I must check in with myself to self-regulate. I am also a co-regulating presence in the lives of many other people. As the saying goes, if I don’t place importance on looking after myself, I will have a hard time looking after others. Being aware of my emotions and the important role they play in informing me of my health and wellness is an important first step. When I am aware, I can look after myself. When I am regulated emotionally, I can then take on the challenge of supporting others.

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