Issue 024 SEPTEMBER 2015
Welcome
t o ‘ I N T H E C L U b ’ , t he O F F I C I A L T U E S D A Y C L U B I N T E R A C T I V E M A G a z ine - B R O U G H T TO Y O U I N C O N J U N C T I O N w i t h T H E P E R F E C T P O P C O - O P and o ur friends
Happy September, Clubbers.. We’re all back from Oledays now, so back to school/work (maybe both, if you’re a teacher of some description), so it’s now time to look for something to do of an (ever-darkening) evening. If you don’t do anything else this Autumn, then make sure you attend Cockfest at St Albans’ Town Hall on the 24th of October, in memory of our beloved Terry “Super” Cockell. It’s being organised by his wife, Sue and all proceeds are going to the British Heart Foundation. Tickets are £10 in advance, so please come if you can. We’ll be playing (of course!) and will be joined by Whatever’s Red and AUTOMAT Also, there’s a massive ad for it in the middle of this mag, so you can’t avoid it! Finally, we’re going to be launching EP3 of the year very soon, which features the tracks Lady GarGar, Scars Are Superstars and Resistance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder, so make sure you make yourself acquainted with the ad over on the opposite page..! Muchos love, as ever J-Rod
M A G (NIFICENT)
EDITION)
. . . Wha t
7 ( i s h ) 6 + 1 - Se p tem b e r
The Tuesday C lu b are s t ic k ing in t heir eardrums !
Andreas Vanderbraindrain: You’re Full Of Shit - X_X youtu.be/kvgDzaYhFNM The Minx: Speed of Light - Iron Maiden #morecowbell youtube.com/watch?v=-F7A24f6gNc Wasabi Penis: Sockets - Slaves youtu.be/iC9JDwCCimA J-Rod: The Sundays - Can’t be Sure youtu.be/yARVs1ZNLjU The Beautiful Wolf: Randy Scouse Git - The Monkees youtu.be/-iFEa7pRO1o Rogerio Marauder: The Man Who Dies Every Day - Ultravox youtube.com/watch?v=5JutmhQFcpA
Thanks to: Design @8ecreative, Tiggy Pop. Editor: Reggie Mental. Photography: Neil Stephenson, Jord, AVBD, The Eye, Sarah Martin, Dylan Schwarz, Peter Males, Jonas De Keukelaere, Anna Wakeling Words: Denise Parsons, The Minx, Faye Don’tlikeitupum, Stuart Pidboy, Don Tellumpike, Don T. Panic, Sister Dolly, AVBD, Beautiful Wolf, J-Rodz, Grae J Wall, Roger The Ranter.
Lady Gargar - EP 3
Contents Cover star:
The Tuesday Club
Magnificent 6+1
2-3
What’s going on in our musical world
Lady Gargar - The NEW EP!
The New EP info and tour dates
(Club) Foot tappers
AVBD, J-Rod and The Beautiful Wolf trawl their record collections
4 -5 6
Who’s In the Club
8-9
Da Minx’s - Upping the Agony...
10
Baz Dedhaven - Nine Day Decline The Chanteuse goes on her hols!
50 Shades of Grae
Chapter and verse from St.Albans’ cunningest linguists and friends
Paul Eccentric
Our newest columnist
The Parson’s Knows
Denise, gives us all the news from Trestle Arts base, St.Albans and it’s environs.
The Tuesday Club Pop up shop! Stuff to spend your filthy lucre on!
11-12
13-14 15-17
18
facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub @thetuesdayclub1 AVBD - @Vnderbraindrain The Minx - @TCTheMinx R. Marauder - @YTDS Dave Worm - @Roddamiser J-Rod - @JRod_TC www.youtube.com/thisisthetuesdayclub thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk info@thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk pinterest.com/thetuesdayclub thetuesdayclub.tmstor.es
you Announcing our new EP ‘Lady Gargar’ which will soon be able to pre-order right here:
thetcshop.com
es Available on Silver CD and Download. It com with 2 other previously unreleased tracks. s This is EP 3 in the set of 4. For all of the new on the forthcoming tour and release date, see pages 4 and 5!
Lady Gargar Scars are Superstars Resistance (Makes the heart grown fonder)
B U L C Foot tappers
‘COS the Platters still matter.. .
Dear Club fans - welcome to AVBD and The Beautiful Wolf’s monthly round up of the new, the old, the signed, the unsigned and the inspirational from our very own musical old curiosity shop, This is where we pick and podcast 10(ish) tracks that turn us on... with a little help from J-Rod! Here’s a selection of this month’s featured tracks, but you’ll have to listen to find out more :-)
This month’s featured track from The Tuesday Club is Resistance (Makes the Heart Grown Longer) (from our forthcoming Lady Gargar EP) which you will soon be able to pre-order right here: thetcshop.com Public Image Limited - Double Trouble - Double Trouble is the first single from
PILs 10th studio albumWhat the World Needs Now, which follows the bands second coming in 2012 with the excellent This is PIL. (AVBD will be spending this years birthday watching them at Shepherds Bush!) youtu.be/99BQNRU8BMI
was advised that Safe as Milk would be an easier intro to the great man… it proved so and is now a near constant on the AVBD turntable. youtu.be/chUteUoYGeI Shape of things to come - Slade Taken from the bands number 1 1973 compilation album Sladest., at the height of their fame huge fame, this track is actually a great cover , harking back to the bands earliest years on the black country circuit, of a song originally recorded by The Raiders (Paul Revere & The Raiders featuring Mark Lindsay) who were also responsible for the much covered and excellent track I’m not your stepping stone youtu.be/zWp93Dgsl9E
Zig Zag Wanderer - Captain Beefheart is taken from the classic 1967 debut album Safe as Milk. Having started with Do or Die - The Human League Trout Mask Replica and not really understanding it… AVBD Taken from side one of The
Human League’s 1981 number 1 album Dare. Spawning legendary singles, Don’t you want me, Sound of The Crowd and Love Action, but in our opinion there’s no bad track on it. youtu.be/TxrSTQnYI6Y Hollywood Brats - Chez Maximes The Wolf’s current recommended reading is the ‘distasterous story of britains great lost punk band’ - Sick on You by the Brats singer - Andrew Matheson. This track from their only 1973 recorded album We hope you enjoy this months podcast; don’t forget you can subscribe to them and listen again on our mixcloud. com/thisisTheTuesdayClub
In the club
with Baz Dedhevan
Nine Day Decline
bassist Joining us in the club this month is Baz Dedhevan, vocalist and fan of with Nine Day Decline. Our very own Rogerio Marauder is a “Chaos their “smashed-up dark emotional post-punk goth” The album In Motion” is out now. We recommend it.
1) OK firstly, we’re sitting in The Cyber (the pub on the internet) doing this... and it’s our round. What’ll it be?
What doesn’t kill me, obviously! It’s a list of experiences. And emotions. Love, hurt, loss, That’s very nice of you, I’ll have a faith, ambition, determination, bottle of Fursty Ferret please and a spirituality, and being happy in your packet of Marmite cashews. own skin. 2) What was the last thing you heard/ watched that was so good you just had to tell someone about it?
This would have to be the latest album by The Secret Post, called “From Train To Station”. I’m playing it constantly at the moment. They are a band from the US and the album was produced by John Ashton from the Psychedelic Furs/Satellite Paradiso. 3) There used to be badges and compilation albums proclaiming ‘Punk’s Not Dead’...but what do you think its current mortal state is?
I’m no aficionado on ‘punk’, ‘post punk’ is more my bag. But I see that a lot of the old punk bands are still gigging, and that new punk bands still emerge, so I would say it’s with Bela Lugosi, and is ‘undead’ 4) What makes you stronger?
5) Is the Internet help or a hindrance to... - New Bands - Established acts
It has to be a big help. Maximum exposure, a place to market your wares, a place to build the myth or legend. It’s the biggest library known to man, and the most accessible. Internet presence is essential for any band I feel. 6) If you could be any character in any film, what film... and who would it be?
I have 3 I can think of off the top of my head. Batman, obviously. Clarence Worley in “True Romance” Danny Zuko in “Grease” 7) What was the last thing that made you laugh?
“Danny & the Human Zoo” last night on tv, a drama based on the early life of Lenny Henry, written by
Lenny Henry, starring Lenny Henry (didn’t Dennis Waterman do this too?)
ninedaydecline.bandcamp.com
for releases
Currently, we have our debut single ‘Decisions’ out which was kindly 8) You are now In The Club (The Tuesday Club, that is)... but what club do you actually mixed by John Ashton from The Furs, and our debut album “Chaos wish it was? The League of Silver Haired Pariahs in Motion” which is selling well internationally. We’re totally humbled by the response it’s 9) Who’d be in your fantasy rock’n’ roll been getting. We’ve also got a band. Guitar, Bass, Drums, Vocals, keys... review in the latest Vive Le Rock Guitar – Geordie Walker magazine, and we appear on the Bass – Simon Gallup cover CD. We’re gigging at least Drums – Big Paul Ferguson once a month, and about to start Vocals – Scott Walker writing some new material which Keys – Billy Currie will hopefully become our second Sax – Duncan Kilburn album next year. 10) If you had a time machine and could go back to any year in music, when would it be and why?
13) What question haven’t we asked you that you wish we had?
Who killed Mr Moonlight?
Ooh, tough to pick one. I’ll cheat. Thanks Baz, fab to have you In The Club and 1973 – Hammersmith Odeon, July we really hope to be on another bill with you 3rd. To See Ziggy’s finale again soon! 1980 – The Music Machine. To see Cuddly Toys 1981 – Wembley Arena, April. To see Numan’s ‘farewell’ shows. 11) Who are your top 2 rock Stars of all time 1) man 1) woman
It’s a toss up between Elvis & Bowie, probably edged for me by Bowie. As for female, I don’t have that many in my collection, so I’ll go with Hazel O’Connor (Breaking Glass era) 12) Where’s the best place to find your current musical endeavours on the Internet and what are you up to right now?
Right, we have facebook
www.facebook.com/NineDayDecline and
DAMinx It’s not always easy to know who you are talking to at Tuesday Club gig. Looking for the cowbell
The Minx Agony Column Monday (Monday) At time of writing diary, Minx has return from holiday and is most miff to be victim of English Summer. Is meant be end of August when sunflowers at tallest and tans at brownest. And instead have flooding and rain and rain and rain. Builder Minion joke that he will make ark. Think this is good idea. And the Minions came in two by two huzzah huzzah. Is joke that Minx make to deal with weather. Is also weather that involve rubber shoe and wellington boot. Now as all know Minx have issue with certain type of shoe. Flip of flop, Croc are main cuplrit but good old English ‘Welly’ also cause issue. No matter how many time try to make welly look interesting, with bow or buckle, is still basically a rubber sock on foot. Minx wear boot, yes but when Minx have to wear welly, then claustrophobia occurs. Is most upsetting.
Tuesday (Tuesday) Is wedding soon from one of those people in the band. As is Tuesday Club, Minx think it appropriate to go shopping for appropriate wedding outfit. A trip to Deb and Hams (they have nothing Minx like) and Mark and Spencer (who are these people that go into partnership to make a shop? Never see their face, like that Mr Selfridge on television. He seem nice even though he have moustache.) and John and Lewis. They have whole department with things call Fascinators. What is fascinating about fascinator? Nothing wrong with just wear nice hat. Or no hat. Or top hat. OK maybe not woman in Top Hat, look too much like ringmaster, though Minx quite like that for outfit. Just maybe not for wedding. Big shopping spree result in many clothe but not for wedding. Minx fail at task so Minx really not happy.
Wednesday (Wednesday) Minx instruct main Minion and Builder Minion to research into what Minx should wear for English wedding. It turn out that women must dress in clothes they never normally wear. This must involve shiny tight and clothing that might be too small. Only good thing is usually wear high heel, though Builder Minion report that most women cannot walk in heel this high, like back in hometown of Newcastle. Am impressed that Builder Minion came from place with New Castle. Minx like castles, though of course, summer house in Transylvania is old castle which is much better. Minx really never new Builder Minion from place with castle. Minx impressed. Though not enough to give Builder Minion promotion.
Thursday (Thursday) Wedding outfit saga, day three. Is now get ridiculous. Minx also find out that may have to wear two outfit. Minx a girl so of course Minx love to get
dress up and wear heel and look pretty, but Minx also hate other girl things like manicure (why is call manicure when mostly women have nails done?) and new thing called ‘topiary’. Is ridiculous. Have not got bush to trim with clippers. Do not want fancy shape like peacock. Or maybe that is idea? To have bush made into cock. Sound rude. Minx do not want this. Is smut. English smut. Minx remember going to beauty salon and be offered free vajazzle. It sound like a shiny concealed weapon that lady spy might have, so Minx say yes. When beauty lady come at Minx with tweezer, wax, glue and Swarovski crystal to secret garden of Minx, “I nearly hit the roof, you can imagine”. Only thing diamond encrusted for Minx are Uzi and collar of Kalashnikov.
Friday (Friday) Main Minion give Minx a pep talk. He say that Minx worth much more than High Street brand and suggest ‘going Designer’. Sometimes worry slightly about main Minion. He notice a lot of things that other men do not notice. Is nice, do not get Minx wrong, but main Minion constantly plump up cushion, and he comment when on rare occasion Minx do not wear match underwear (is not often, Minx have high standard). He also have excellent taste in handbag and also say when Minx have wrong shoes on with outfit. Main Minion say Vivienne Westwood is good option for outfit. But have seen Viv Westwood. She is good but some outfit like pirate, with flop boot and big shirt. Minx do like this look, like Adam Ant, but not for wedding. Also outfit Minx really like is corset which will be too boob for wedding (though again Builder Minion say this is good English wedding look).
Saturday (Saturday) Most lady apparently like shop. Minx is now tired of shop. Need personal shop Minion. Have tried on many outfit. Only get excite about buy shoes and yet have no need of shoes as have no outfit to match to. вздох Is tiresome. But Minx always have to arrive fabulous.
воскресенье (Sunday) Minx have to lie down in darkened room with only Perestroika and Kalashnikov for company. Is nice as tiny wolf dogs are due soon and another step will be further from dog to wolf. This make Minx please at least.
50
shades...
By Grae J. Wall of The Trailer Trash Orchestra, Los Chicos Muertos and webmeister at The Poetry Underground facebook.com/ groups/231169533733340
TV Eye! So it plays out on the TV. Local reporter and her cameraman shot dead in Virginia. In the studio the anchor woman cannot hide her shock as the shots ring and the signal dies. Soon on Facebook and Twitter the gunman’s video appears along with accusations of homophobia and racism. Later in the studio the channel manager sullen faced confirms that the two are dead. The suspect we are told is a disgruntled ex-employee sacked over his anger management issues. Another presenter comes forward to tweet about his love and planned marriage to the deceased – now he wants the world to know. A high speed chase and the car finally swerves from the road in to a ditch. Before the patrolmen can get to the vehicle a gun under the chin and the tragedy concludes. We’ll bring you more details as we receive them. The TV footage and the mobile phone film will circulate at epic speed. The president frowns resigned and frustrated. This domestic gun crime claims far more lives than any terrorist threat. Around the country angry gun owners take to social media claiming the president to be an Isis lover. Racist and homophobic insults tumble forth now aimed at the president for daring to say such things. The debate is global and sees no sleep. The morning brings front pages of the shocked blonde frozen in her final seconds, the
killer’s gun in shot pointing towards her abdomen. For today she is Marilyn, a shock faced princess.
We have all been cast in the movie, shocked bystander number seven. The script is perfect satire of contemporary celebrity culture, tabloid media and fly by online interaction. No need for an attention span as the stars are all dead by scene three.
Somewhere someone is planning the sequel already; the cast will go on with their lives for now unaware. Already a scriptwriter has seen the possibility of the docudrama. Perhaps it could be stretched to a mini-series. Back stories are there to be explored, hows and whys, more than meets the eye. The factional biography is there to be written, maybe even a graphic novel. The liberals will take to a flimsy barricade once again and shout for reform. The conservatives will beat their chests and refuse to budge. Whoever heard of an amendment being amended? We will protect our loved ones, we will protect our homes, we will protect our rights, we will protect our flags, we will protect our constitution and we will protect our homeland... from ourselves. Two lovely poems this month, both recently posted to The Poetry Underground. The first, The Balloon Man comes from the multi-talented Mr Jason Smart (great songwriter too). The second comes from the always excellent Liz Whitelock. Until next time, Je Suis Charlie Baudelaire!
THE BALLOON MAN I can see lights now Shining from windows. I can hear voices But there’s nobody home. I feel like smiling My face won’t let me. My ears are thirsty Drinking up the sound. I ride in this lift now Up to see you. I press all the buttons It never stops at your floor. I’m the balloon man My skin is stretched tightly. I travel lightly With nothing inside Jason Smart
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Introducing
Paul Eccentric’s Bedtime Story STAND BY YOUR MAN Denise was bored. Her life was boring; her family were boring, even her husband was boring. She’d been bored with it all for as long as she could remember. For so long, in fact, that she now considered herself something of an expert on boredom; along with the detrimental effects that it had on the human soul. It ate morale for breakfast and it dictated mood as just surely as would the death of a loved one. Denise hated being bored: it made her a misery to be around, but sadly for all those around her, that seemed to have been the hand that she’d been dealt. If boredom hadn’t been by its very definition, such a dull and uninspiring topic, then she could probably have made a living from lecturing on the subject, but she could well imagine just how insufferably depressed that would have made her! So instead, one boring and thoroughly depressing day; in an attempt to lift herself from her current state of terminal ennui, Denise decided to make a list, categorising the various grades of boredom as she had experienced them. (Well, it was something to do, wasn’t it!) There were four degrees, in her experience: In fourth place she listed ‘waiting-for-a-bus’; the mild to moderate level, where one finds oneself bereft of a book, standing alone inside a draughty, open fronted shelter on a quiet, featureless back road running a straight line all the way to the mist shrouded horizon ahead. The bench has been torn out; presumably by the last bored, wouldbe passenger, in order to build a fire to keep themselves warm during the interminable wait ahead. Then there was your airport-departure- lounge kind of boredom: maddening to riling on her scale; stuck, as one is, halfway between here and there; unable to go forwards; unable to go backwards, desperately yearning for the next squeaky, squally tannoy announcement that will either free you from your spirit-like limbo or chip a further couple of hard-won hours from your annual holiday allocation. And then there was doctor’s-waiting-room boredom: the testy; needling: bite your fingernails to the bone, type of tedium, where you try not to fidget on that uncomfortable seat in that unventilated; overheated room as your brain is bombarded by that irritating local radio station layered over a looped public service announcement, with a chorus of sniffs; coughs and crying children all vying for attention above that frustratingly unanswered telephone! Of course, Denise had experienced levels four, three and two on her ultimate boredom spectrum more times than it would have been plausible to expect her to remember along with many more, lower ranking examples like ‘call waiting’ or ‘RAC roadside assistance’ which, though perhaps moderate in isolation; when gathered together chronologically and set against an excitement index covering a similar timeframe, would describe the story of a life that
could be said to have been more boring than it hadn’t been. Denise had been a housewife; she was recently retired: a bored housewife at that! Her husband, Colin, had been a highflying executive and a workaholic whose job had taken him all over the world. She estimated that they had spent more nights apart over the course of their forty two year marriage than they had done together. She’d been looking forward to retirement; to the chance for them to finally spend some quality time together; to get to know each other properly, maybe for the first time and to fulfil a few ambitions along the way. The kids had left home. Everything was paid up and ticked off and they were financially secure enough to have been able to do pretty much whatever they had wanted to do for a good few years to come. She had been so excited! They could take that cruise along the Med that she’d always fancied. They could visit her sister in Australia; see the world along the way: anything, really and they could do it all together. It had been quite the norm for couples of their generation to have steeled themselves for retirement; to have scrimped and saved all their working lives; enduring the moribund monotony of permanent austerity so as to prepare for their future. It was also normal for those of their generation to die of boredom six weeks into that longed-for future, but that wasn’t going to happen to them, oh no! The day finally arrived. Colin pecked her on the cheek and gathered up his brief case for the final time and she sat down with a large gin and ice and a huge stack of holiday brochures to await his return. She was never going to be bored again. Colin, on the other hand, had never been bored. He’d never had the time to be bored; he had spent his working life flitting from one boardroom crisis to another; always on the move; always with somewhere that he should have been an hour ago. He’d never had to do the weekly shop; the daily school run; the cooking; the cleaning; school sports days; school plays; parents’ evenings etcetera etcetera. In fact, he’d been viewing his oncoming retirement with a certain amount of anxious trepidation. What was he going to do with himself all day? How was he going to keep that trouble-shooting mind of his active enough to avoid dementia? Crosswords? Sudoku? Borr-ring! He’d have to talk to Denise. Daily. What would they talk about? What had they ever talked about? She’d expect him to go shopping with her. And mow the lawn. And do DIY. And visit garden centres! He couldn’t think of anything more boring! Colin needed a hobby. Everyone needed a hobby. Even Denise could have done with a hobby. But Colin being Colin, no hobby was ever going to be just a hobby! What he needed was a second career; something that he could devote himself to; something that would give him purpose, but without the need for it to earn him a living. Colin didn’t go straight home after leaving the party. He hailed himself a cab to Denmark Street, dipped into the first music shop that he came to and treated himself to their most expensive Rickenbacker guitar. And a Marshall amp. And a strap, a lead, a
flight case, a packet of plectrums, a capo, a music stand, a ‘learn to play guitar the Bert Weedon way’ book, a foot rest, and a spare set of strings and then booked himself a course of twice weekly lessons with a teacher that’d been recommended by the shop’s proprietor. Quite frankly he’d been rather surprised at Denise’s reaction when he’d arrived home and announced his intention to become a rock star. He’d expected her to have been pleased. He had expected her to have been dreading having him under her feet all day; disturbing her routine; constantly complaining of how bored he was and anyway, she knew that he’d always wanted to be a rock star, didn’t she? It’d been his childhood ambition! He must have told her that before. This was just the first chance he’d had to do anything about it. Before their retirement Denise’d had a slightly different perspective on boredom. Oh, she’d been bored for much of the time; most of the time actually, but she’d never quite experienced boredom to this degree! Which is why, in her personalised boredom index, she had rated ‘open mic’ boredom as numbero uno. Now, you may think that you know what it is to be bored, that you’ve been there; done it and got the t-shirt to prove it, but until you’ve experienced THIS particular ordeal, then you must consider yourself to have led an adventure-filled; adrenalin fuelled flit of an existence with barely a moment’s pause to catch your weary breath. You may have spent five years chained to a radiator in solitary confinement somewhere in the middle east, but you’d endure it all again rather than sit through a second open mic’ session at a pub in Balham! This is suicidal boredom. This is homicide inspiring boredom. This is a level of endurance that could be harnessed by the CIA and used to break suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay! For those of you unacquainted with the culture of ‘open mic’ing’: take a local pub on whatever may be their slowest night of the week; add a battered old public address system that no-one quite knows how to work; sprinkle with an ego of middle aged; dope frazzled ‘singer/songwriters’; each convinced that it’s ‘only-a-matter-of-time-now’ and you have yourself the ‘Open Mic’ Night’. Think ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ only with hasbeens and neverweres replacing the wannabe; the vanity blinded cocksure and the over indulged. It’s important that you arrive early at your chosen open mic’ in order to sign up: to write your name on the list at the bar in order to ensure that you are not relegated to the ‘headline spot’ at the end of the evening after last orders have been called and everybody’s gone home. So you’re in. You’ve put your name down; not your real name, of course (just in case your first public performance doesn’t go quite as you’d planned); you’ve bought a drink and you’ve found yourself a seat near the door in case you chicken out and need to beat a hasty, shamefaced retreat. You’ve scanned the room, checking out the competition; not that this IS supposed to be competitive, but all the same: you don’t want to be shown up as an unprepared amateur by a semi-pro out’roughing it’ for the evening in order to grab themselves some cheap practice time for their new material. As a rough guide, a participant’s talent can generally be prejudged inversely by the amount of brand new, branded equipment that they have felt it necessary to bring along with them for their ten minute stint. It hadn’t taken Denise long to work this one out. In fact, they had only sat through the first three acts before she had decided that she had made a serious error in coming at all. It wasn’t all balding, retired men with more hair and equipment than talent; there were a few middle aged men there in a similar condition. There was even a large lady in what could only be described as a bell tent minus the guy ropes who thought herself a poet, (dear god) and a gangly, red headed awkwardly unfunny teenager who thought himself a contempory of TV’s Michael Macintyre.
Denise supped at her gin and looked across at Colin. She had only agreed to come along that night because it had seemed slightly preferential to the prospect of spending yet another night of her ached-for and now scuppered retirement, bored out of her wits in front of the television bemoaning her fate as an open mic’ widow. It’d been a close run thing though, but as she’d been low on gin, she’d decided to brave it just this once. ‘Why don’t you come, dear?’ Colin’d suggested, ‘you might even enjoy yourself,’ he’d added unconvincingly, almost under his breath. Denise had doubted it. Colin had spent the past six months attempting to learn the same three songs in their back bedroom, or ‘studio’, as he’d taken to calling it. She’d felt that she knew them as well as he did; possibly better and that wasn’t saying much. She couldn’t see how hearing him murdering them in public would be anything but boring. ‘You like music,’ he’d continued, in a vain attempt to convince her, ‘and it’ll be a night out.’ Sydney, Australia was a night out. Dinner at the captain’s table would’ve been a night out. They could afford to go anywhere they wanted for a night out, but the pikey pub at the end of their road; somewhere that they’d managed to successfully avoid for the past twenty nine years that they’d lived there was not somewhere that she’d have associated with the phrase ‘a night out’. She’d decided to indulge him, though. Perhaps; she half wondered, if she feigned an interest for a bit it might help him to get it out of his system? Denise and Colin had sat through the first three acts in silence. They hadn’t even exchanged glances. Each time a name was announced that wasn’t his, Denise’s heart sunk further at the prospect of living through yet another mind numbingly banal ten minutes of conceptual narcissism. If only each act could have chosen a different trio of songs to throttle; torture and finally stab through the heart? She was four gins in and attempting the dark art of ocular hexing on the poet, when Colin’s name was eventually called. ‘One more,’ she felt herself say aloud, as he began uncoiling leads and pulling talent enhancement pedals from his bag, ‘one more and I just know I’m going to die of boredom.’ But as her husband shambled toward the stage, trailing A4 sheets of hand scrawled hieroglyphs in his wake, Denise experienced what she could only have described as ‘a tingle’. A tingle of... anticipation? It spasmed outward from her heart to her fingertips, causing her to shiver involuntarily. She had felt it once before; many years ago, on her wedding night. She’d put it down to indigestion then, but now she wasn’t so sure. Was this... excitement? Denise watched as Colin set himself up and plugged himself in. He actually looked quite dashing, she thought; in his Stetson and his tasselled shirt, though he wasn’t a natural walker in cowboy boots, she had to admit. A wave of warm, fuzziness enveloped her senses as he fine tuned his axe. Was this pride that she was feeling? That was her Colin up there on the stage; her husband Colin! That boring old fucker who’s idea of a fun night out had traditionally involved his snoring loudly through an opera that she hadn’t wanted to see in the first place. Note to self, she mused: replace ‘open mic’ with ‘opera’ at the top of the boredom index! As Colin hit the first chord of ‘Stand By Your Man’, Denise hit the floor in front of him. What she’d taken to be a pang of uncharacteristic excitement, turned out to be a cardiac arrest. Denise died with a smile on her face: ...dead excited.
The
s n o s r a P Knows
By Denise Parsons – Music Promoter – ‘The Live Music Project’ Trestle Arts Base, St.Albans
THIS MONTH’S TOP BANDS, ARTISTS and EVENTS! Good Morning/Afternoon or indeed Evening to you all. Well that’s summer done & dusted then & we will not mention August Bank Holiday weekend weather when I ending up wearing a fur coat because of the cold & rain. Hope you’ve all had a marvellous summer & managed to get along to a festival or fete or some live music outdoors of any kind. Why is it then that fetes have taken to calling themselves festivals?? You rock up expecting that full on festival vibe & it’s actually a fete in a community centre.. Ho hum.. The Live Music Project is back in full swing with the Acoustic Café Sessions resuming on 20th September & then once a month & not forgetting the next main showcase event is 3rd October & then monthly. I should just mention that the Halloween Party to end all Halloween parties will be taking place for The Live Music Project at Trestle Arts Base on Saturday 31st October. The line-up is amazing with The Vaulted Skies, The Tuesday Club (hurrah) The Antipoet & coming from London 111 Band! Its fancy dress so start planning that outfit now & there will be a SFX make-up artist on hand, tarot reading, live zombie DJ & lots lots more. More details will undoubtedly follow in next month’s mag!
But if you have any party spirit in you won’t want to miss this one! So lots of new music about – check out the new single from them April Blue boys.
facebook.com/aprilbluemusic?fref=ts There’s a new album due out from The Portraits
facebook.com/theportraitsmusic?ref=ts&fref=ts
Mr Tom Dibb has also got a new release
facebook.com/theportraitsmusic?ref=ts&fref=ts
& is currently raising funds for a very special trip so have a look at that one.
High Treason will hopefully be launching in the next couple of months as well
facebook.com/hightreasonuk?fref=ts
& a brand new band ‘We Paint Houses’ has their 1st release out: facebook.com/WePaintHouses?fref=ts with a free Soundcloud download. This band features John Beeson previously of Chameleon Boy. I had a message from The Vulz
facebook.com/thevulz?fref=ts
who are recording so that one should be along soon as well as the young lads from Southbound who are recording at TTC’s favourite studio with none other than Mr
Steve Honest (true fans will know he’s more than a little responsible for our very own unique sound!)
facebook.com/southboundbandblues?fref=ts
So lots & lots going on recording wise this month so please have a look & support your local music scene & remember as you pay over you’re fiver for a bands CD that they do not have the support of big labels & they have had to self-fund all their own recordings! Now that’s dedication. Lastly but by no means leastly.. (not a real word) you can also support Local Music by tuning in to my radio show The Parsons Knows Local Music every Thursday night 7-8pm www.radioverulam.com where you can listen to all the amazing music right here on our doorsteps! I have a whole
host of guests lined up for the upcoming months for your listening pleasure. Some people (not to be named – but they are real) have actually said its ‘rather good’ !! I rest my case.
Thank you & goodnight.
“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.” Plato
soundcloud.com/denise-parsons-1 facebook.com/theparsonsknows?ref=hl twitter.com/RVparsonsknows
Trestle Arts Base, Russet Drive, St.Albans, AL4 OJQ, t: 01727 850950 e: production@trestle.org.uk, www.trestle.org.uk @trestletheatre
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