hope An Unending Conversation with

by Dorthi DiGilio

Did you know that an oyster that has never been wounded will not produce pearls?

I recently heard this and was immediately intrigued. I had to dive in with research, aka Google, to prove or disprove the validity of this fact. Well, it turns out to be entirely accurate. Pearls are actually formed as a result of injury, after foreign elements like grains of sand or parasites find their way inside the oyster’s shell. It is from here that a beautiful pearl will form, as the oyster’s body goes to work, in essence, protecting it from pain.

This simple, newly discovered fact resonated with me and brought about some soul searching. What if we thought of ourselves as pearls, something beautiful created from pain? What if we became more open to acceptance and transformation in our own lives?

I have personally been on a life path dealing with addiction, loss, trauma, and life-changing grief for well over 10 years now. I like to think that I, too, am healing, or let’s say, becoming a pearl.

Throughout my journey, there are two things that have always kept me going, even in my darkest times.

The first is unconditional love for my children, and the second is hope. Both were there when I needed them most, whispering to my heart that I must keep going.

Hope is never something to be taken for granted. It is when people feel hopeless, they are in danger. When hopeless, it is hardest to ask for help, especially with all the stigma around substance use disorder or any type of mental illness and its impact on the family. It takes courage to reach out for help.

As a community, we have to work harder to allow others to feel safe to say they are not okay. We have to normalize caring about mental wellness. Once talking and sharing, many realize they are not alone in their struggles, and there are resources available to help them. The oyster and the pearl also reminded me how our own bodies and minds work like that of an oyster, shielding us from what we cannot handle. This allows us to gradually process certain lifechanging losses.

When thinking back to my early grief after losing my son, Dean, I know the feelings of shock and numbness were present to shelter me. So, the question is, how do we move from the trauma, the hurt, the loss, the pain, whatever it is we are carrying, to this place where we begin healing and evolving?

The answer and timetable to this question will be different for each person, as unique as a fingerprint. I think it starts with self-care, conversations, asking for help, being open to healing, and simply going where that leads you.

I am honored to have had so many inspiring individuals come into my life in this chapter. These are true pearls, from whom I have learned so much. These are parents creating legacies in memory of their sons and daughters while impacting the world in a positive way. When we help another, we help ourselves.

Thank you for listening, and remember, I am here. I am a Certified Family Recovery Specialist, a Certified Grief Guide, and Co-Facilitator of For Jonathan’s Sake, a grief group by Steps4hope in Phoenixville, PA. I would love for you to reach out with your thoughts or your story; we all have one. I can be reached at dotsie2721@comcast. net or on Facebook @deansmom.2022. PRH