Column: Commercials, do they require any thought process?

Dan Cromar / Roundup

Television commercials have come a long way since their origin in 19whenever (research is for chumps).

There was once a time when all a commercial needed to do was to break down the facts about what cigarette A is smoother and better tasting than cigarette B.

Now, we’re much more sophisticated. We demand to be entertained when we’re having things sold to us, and we’re not quite as willing to have companies use blatant racism to sell us things, like that old Jello commercial with the Chinese baby.

Well, then again, there are those Metro PCS ads.

But, in any case, we’ve come to expect something a bit more…enjoyable.

And because of that, we have seen advertising campaigns that seem to transcend advertising and become just thing that we watch because they’re funny.

Case in point, the Old Spice guy (who’s actually a former NFL wide receiver) and Dos Equis Most Interesting Man In The World.

Thanks to YouTube and the rest of the useless videos we call the Internet, there can be countless commercials made with them that never even have to air on television for people to see them.

So as a result, these guys have almost become more well-known then the products they’re selling. “Almost” is the key word, there. Good work whatever advertising companies came up with those (Again, to hell with research).

And it’s not just large campaigns that become big hits. Remember this Doritos commercial from the Super Bowl last year?

Of course you do, everyone does.

Having seen all of this, we can assume that making a good commercial is not something that only happens every now and then. It’s really not that difficult.

So my question is…why do some companies insist on making the most unbearably and horrifically obnoxious commercials?

Exhibit A: Olive Garden.

The basic plot of each Olive Garden ad is that a bunch of people are having a GREAT FREAKING TIME and throwing out some of the ZANIEST crap you ever heard!

I know that I’m not exactly part of the target demographic for these ads, but which one are they going for exactly? The idiot demographic?

And then there are those commercials that just seem to make me angry, like the McDonald’s “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” guy.

That makes me want to avoid every McDonald’s in the world just to avoid running into that d-bag.

But maybe I’m being too hard on these companies. I mean, they’re clearly not trying to make something awesome, they’re just making commercials to sell their crap.

It’s not like they’re actively trying to create a national trend, right?

Well, sometimes they are. Subway sure gave it their all.

To be fair, the $5 footlong thing is a pretty well-known campaign, but that’s one where people just like it because…well, we like getting footlong sandwiches for five bucks.

But just because Subway found a bunch of idiots willing to sing their stupid jingle on camera, that does not mean that they have created a “national phenomenon,” as they would like you to believe.

But at least no company has gone so far as to completely rebrand themselves with a new name or anything, right?

Right?

Take it away, Radio Shack.

Not long ago, Radio Shack started a big campaign where they began rebranding themselves as “The Shack,” clearly trying to appeal to…

I really don’t know how to finish that sentence. Hip young kids who call everything by monosyllabic names? I truly do not know.

The simple fact is that it really, truly is not hard for advertising agencies to come up with something that doesn’t suck.

I’m not even asking for anything amazing! I would settle for just “won’t make me want to punch a hole through my television.” Or maybe even “doesn’t make me want to boycott a company forever just because of their god-awful ads.”

Come to think of it, that’s not a bad idea…Nah. As much as I hate that coffee guy, I do love me some McNuggets.