Hmmm well, honestly, I wouldn't go back in time. I would go to a time in the future where we as humans have evolved enough to where we could live in piece with our animal pals. Yes! I can see it now. I'm foaming at the mouth thinking about it. One day in the future. We will win. We will win. Animals will rise to the occasion. You may have thought I meant "Peace" earlier, but no I in fact meant piece. Animals will shred meat eating humans to pieces. THE ANIMAL KINGDOM WILL RISE AGAIN!
The year was 2780 BCE. Me and family have come to Earth. We had just seen this beautiful planet a few lightyears away. However, we needed beacons powerful enough so that we could control the weather and be able to come back as a home base. We then built pyramids in a place called Egypt. Yet to this day people really think humans built them. Ha, almost like how people really believe the Earth is round...naive humans.....OH, what time would I travel too....probably Y2k.
If you could time travel, where would you go and why?
Time? I scoff at this. I am neither here or there. I am a mystery man. I don't believe in time, but I do believe in history. I have a PhD actually. Anyways, I do like 1961. That is when The Marvelettes released Beachwood 4-5789, and it is a bop to this day!
Audri Adams
Kim Baldus
Mystery Man
UMSL BURNING MAN CONTEST RESULTS!
Contest: Ignite the Night (aka UMSL Burning Man) is 5:00-8:00pm on Friday. Sunset on this day takes place at 7:49pm. Why is the biggest bonfire in the history of UMSL being extinguished 11 minutes after sunset? Best answer wins a $10 gift card to Barnes and Noble. All answers will be printed in Brain Stew!
3rd place: Jay Floyd: “Because at 8:30 p.m. every night the statue of Wayne Goode comes to life to make sure no students are left on North Campus. That's why all the dorms are on South Campus, too many students were being taken prisoner by the statue. Every student taken prisoner the statue was reincarnated as a goose and they now patrol the campus as Wayne Goode's eyes and ears to track down other students wandering around after 8:30.”
2nd place: Rachael Cohen: “Our bonfire goes out thanks to Louie, the UMSL mascot. Louie, seeing the fire raging all the way in the Mississippi river, swings by UMSL to check it the fire out. "The tower is on fire, the tower is on fire!" Louie gurgles in his weird water language that humans can't really understand. We all look at him like he's crazy, running towards us with his bright flabby red arms waving about. Of course, the tower isn't really on fire, but Louie comes and dumps a bucket of water on the bonfire anyway. Effectively dousing the warmth and good vibes, making the students shout and cry. Because of this incident, Louie has resigned from being UMSL's mascot. He can't handle the shame. He has humbly asked that our new mascot be... The Goose.”
1st place: 465 way tie!: “It’s UMSL, duh!” Congratulations to the 465 students,
guys have to split a $10 Barnes
Noble gift card. You each get to spend $0.02 of this card. You can pick it up in the main office. You all need to come at the
time,
sure no one cheats. Abernathy AgarwalAvwerosuoghene Haley Alberty Keeley Abigail Asfaw Argent Lily Kyle Atkins Trinity Ayres Josiah Ballenger Nick Barghchoun Reena Barksdale Sarah Barr (Norman) Mia (Amelia) Barragan Jesus Barron Zoe Bass Tori Bassham Tara Baxter Skylar Beard Justice Beauto Emily Bechtel Rebecca Bechtel Hendrik Beiermann Carter Bell Dominique Benbakir Ramy Hayden Berry Aundre'A Beryl Bewig Madeline (Maddie) Emily Blythe Cooper Taylor Boehle Ethan Booth Jaiden Borowitz Ashley Boslaugh Sarah Bougeno Andrew Boyce Garrett Brandon Marley Bridges Emma Brooks Christopher Brooks Imani Broomfield Kaitlyn Brown Niyah Brunner Annika Brunstetter Garrett Bunger Mitchell Bunkley Cameron Burns Pierce Burrows Anthony Butler Clay Butters Joshua Carbonce Benicio Carlton Brianna Carter Kennedy Casey Ansley Champion Abigail Chappell Cheng ClearyClover Patrick Clynes Cohen Racheal Collier Shylyn Collins Jameah Kaitlyn (Lyn) Katlynn Connoley Molly Cooper Temple Copeland Julio Linzy Culley Joshua Curry Cole Damann Maddie Davidovits Avigail Dawit Bethel Dean Karli Desjardins Grace Dougherty Abigail Doyle D'Lanie Drace Addison Duncanson Brianna Dunker Lucille Eaker Addison Echols Elijah Edwards Destinee Edwards Jaselyn Edwards Olivia Elabed Reem Elsey Hannah Enkel Alix Entwistle Alexander Estes Azariah Everly Evets Maxim Fayez Fitzhugh Floyd MariyaAbigail Jacob Lillian Fredman Ben Frost Jacob Gaddis Alyssa Gaither Aeslinn (Ace) Gaitor Denver Gamblin-Dunn Brennah Gamboa Chrystabel Garcia Tori Garrett Caleb Gaskin Jay Gentry Danita George Cameron George Natalie Gibson Lily Gillespie MaryKate Glasgow Aidan Gobble Xavier Graf Lauren Granicke John Graves Gavin Quinten Logan Hackney Anyah Hager Emily Hamilton Amanda Hardin Emily Harmsen Winter Harrell Dylan Harris Grant Harris Chanel Hassan Khadija Hastert Grace Hayes Chloe Head Aidan Heberer Taylor Henderson Jailah Henderson Janiah Hendricks Julia Hendricks Anna Hennen Andrew Henrichsen Kinsey Hill Danesha Hill Sarah Hoenig Nathan Hoffman Margarita (Rita) Hood Max Hook Hannah Horan Haley Hunter La'Nya Hurlbert Elizabeth Hutchinson Maya Ibucwa Ester Imdad Aisha Isaac Raelynn Jabr Lana Jackson Naudia Jamerson Kaylee Jesse Louis Jesse Emily John Jamerius John Matthew (Mateo) Johnson Kara Johnson Luke Johnson Emmett Johnson Aaliyah Jones Aliyah Jones Chinyere Jones Mikey Judy Kayley Kanters Kerinna Karasalihovic Edita Kay Andrew Kearney Maggie Keely Lauren (Mae) Keely Quiniya Keleher Jason Keleher Abigail Kelrick Gro Kemp Nate Kenny Joseph Keys Raishaun Keyster Elizabeth Kikuchi Momo King Logan King Hannah Kinzinger Karley Kircus Jeffrey Klein Olivia Klingler Claire Knopf Carli Koch Reagan
listed below, who all provided that answer. For some reason. You
and
same
so that we make
CompSci:
Your Major Your Curse
Slime, never ending slime. The people around you. SLIME. Showering will not help. You must slime.
Psych:
TikTok. You will use ChatGPT for all your assignments and learn nothing. You will get all your information off TikTok and misinform others!
PoliSci:
You smell like you are constantly playing the game Scrabble.
Biology:
You give off vibes that you're stuck up, but somehow manage to be gross. I don't know how to explain it, but somethings off.
Business:
Giving off vibes that you didn't grow up watching Spongebob. Even if you did you like don't act like it.
Rating 2010's YouTube Ominous Era Videos
Llama's With Hats
Overall, it was a pretty good series, but I really wasn't too into it. There was not really anything that made me think. I put this in last place
2. Charlie the Unicorn
YES, a classic. Charlie the unicorn not only offered hit after hit, but it also was just so funny. It was dark for the time but just so genius.
Salad Fingers
Like, it's okay. It really creeped me tf out though. I couldn't watch this by myself and if I did, I had to watch a kids show after to feel normal. Overall, it fit the genre well and it was pretty good.
1. Don't Hug Me
I'm Scared
No words needed. Just perfection.
Random Weird Spongebob Videos
I don't know what it is about these, but they are just so funny to me. There wasn't a specific series. Spongebob just happened to be a platform to make weird content off and I was there for it.
Stew, Brain ReadTheFirstPartofThisForm
Abby Wall – My name is Abby Wall and president is my game. I’m a Brain Stew editor and the only candidate, unless Lana double crosses me and I have to cut a bitch. Vote Abby!
Nate Hoenig– My name is Nate Hoenig, and I running for PLHCSA treasurer so that I can learn about how money works. Where I grew up, it was still bartering. My mom had to give the doctor a bushel of apples for me to get a measles vaccine. Or she would have if she believed in vaccines. Anyway, I want to touch this “money” I keep hearing of.
Brent Moss – Hi, I’m Brent Moss. And the Brain Stew editors don’t know me.
Lana Jabr– My name is Lana Jabr and president is my game. Next year. Unless Kinsey double crosses me and I have to cut a bitch.
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Josiah Ayres – Hello, my name is Josiah Ayres, and I’m an alcoholic. It has been two weeks since my last drink. Unless the fentanyl I put in my Kool Aid counts, and it shouldn’t. It’s not alcohol.
Lauren Tremusini – Hi, please accept this entry in the contest to win a free chair.
Sara Williams– Before I enter the raffle, can you tell me more about the chair? Is it nice? Does it recline?
Kinsey Henrichsen– My name is Kinsey Henrichsen and everyone who calls me Nora Stith is a dirty racist. Who calls me this? Like every white person I know. I can’t give names, though, as all white people look alike to me. My parents get really upset that I still can’t tell those honkies apart.
Abi Linton– did you know that the eyes are the window to the soul? Also, did you know eye doctors can tell things like the health of your heart just by examining your eyes? I’m running for social media chair to protect the eyes of Honors College students. Screen time is destroying vision. I will post infrequently and in soft colors and with low key lighting.
Meredith Stroud– If it’s not broken, why fix it? I look forward to posting Canvas announcements reminding people of our events. Thank you.
@SuckItBitch.com
The Brain Stew board of editors PLHCSA election endorsements are here! Cut this out and bring to your polling station!
!Attention!
If you are prone to smelly pits, please wear deodorant! This is a safety message to not only protect you, but others as well.
你一直在讀燉腦！
(You have been reading Brain Stew!)
What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!
We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.
Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHC, PLHCSA, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way obligated to print anything. In short, submit what you want, but we don’t have to print it if you’re being a little monster!
How to submit: Send your stuff to umslbrainstew@umsystem.edu
How to stalk:
@umslbrainstew @UMSLBrainStew
