Brain Stew, 2023-24, Issue 11

Audri Adams

That's a silly question, isn't it obvious! I would want to become a vegan butcher. Yes, this sounds impossible, but it's not and that's why I want to do it. I need to prove to meat eaters that they can still go to the butchers for fresh meat but make it vegan. I accomplish this by taking the souls of any human being that is pro meat eating and put them in a moo moo toy. This way it looks like I am butching an animal but I am getting vengeance for those poor moo moos in a vegan style.

Kim Baldus

What I've always dreamed of doing was teaching. Although I am a professor right now, I think I would be suitable for teaching the young that way their minds are easily malleable for manipulation. Those kids wouldn't know it, but they would become the great soldiers in my attack to take over the world. Like Fire Lord Sozin in avatar the last airbender, the world would be mine to control.

What is your dream career?

Average UMSL Honors Student

Yeah, to piggyback off of what Kim had said I would, definitely do soenthimg tu change the werld, but for good! That’s why I have plan to major in philosphy Their is nothing better think deeping and, be open minded. I hope with my pholisphy major I can get into the food industry because; I love food. That's why I want to be a food critic.

The following is a paid political advertisement

Aah say, Aah say, sir! I demand satisfaction!

Vote Dan Gerth for Missouri State Senate this November

Some Evidence of Smelly Body Oder for Students Attending the University of Missouri Saint Louis

Alberd 69. Eintern Harvard institute of stinky and 6006135

Senior high school students were tracked by if they whether or not they were going to the University of Missouri Saint Louis, UMSL, or not. The following experiment kept up with how smelly the students and divided each interval into four sections. (1) students before going to UMSL if that is what they had planned to do (2) and after finally attending UMSL. (3) Students not planning on attending UMSL , but before college.(4) those students not going to UMSL after not attending UMSL. There has been a substantial amount of evidence that the students that attend UMSL are much stinkier than any other human on Earth, especially those who are in the comp. sci major. The stink has gotten so bad that NASA decided to try to land on the moon again for the first time in 50 years, trying to find a way to get as far away from the stench that is plaguing humanity. To help NASA out, this experiment is designed to solidify the fact that people are just becoming stinky at UMSL. This experiment uses the students not going to UMSL as a control group and the students planning on going as the experimental group.

Experiment 1

Part 1

The student of SLUH(Saint Louis University High)-t were organized into two groups according to their answers to the questionnaire provided. The questionnaire had the following question: "Are you planning on going to UMSL?" If answered yes they

would be put in the experiment group, and if answered no they would be put in the control. Following the questionnaire, the group was then sniffed by a herd of horse girls, they tend to have impeccable smell. If the horse girl neighed then the student didn't smell. Otherwise, if the horse girl neighed and stomped around, then that would indicate the student was stinky. In the results show in table 1.1, the average SLUH-t student wasn't very stinky.

Part 2

This part of the experiment followed basically the same structure as the first part except now these same students have already attended the college of their choice, or just not go to college. We brought in the same horse girls and had them smell each of the two groups. Not so surprisingly, the horse girls only neighed once for majority of the non-UMSL attending students. Additionally when smelling the UMSL students, the horse girls went wild. Going as far as galloping. This was not a surprise, but it was important.

Anal ysis

The overall results indicate that UMSL students truly are stinky. It is a plague that haunts all of us as long as we live. For what to do with this information, I don't know. Drop out maybe?

References

Good luck soldiers xo, Alberd 69 Einstern

Official review of Avatar the Last Airbender Movie from 2010

I give this movie a solid 7/10. I know this is pretty controversial, but there are some redeeming qualities to this film. First off, the movie is meant for kids and it was made in 2020 so in reality you can't expect them to make a huge blockbuster. Did they have a massive budget for the movie, yes. I don't care I found it refreshing to watch this movie compared to the acting of the movies coming out now. Another thing people have been criticizing the movie for is how they change the pronunciation of the names in the movie, I don't care. The movie and tv show are meant to differ in Mutiple ways, they just chose to change the way to say the same names. Finally, people have been upset about the very little water bending that Katara does in the movie, but in the show she also didn't do very much in the first season. This is important because the movie was only a remake of the first book in the show. Overall, the movie is good and I'm sure the new Netflix series is good too.

THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS (UNFORTUNATELY) ! THESE ARE REAL! Go here if you don’t believe us: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a47859/101-different-names-boobs/

1. Breasts

2. Boobs

3. Mammory Glands

4. Boobies

5. Tits

6. Titties

7. Ta-tas

9. Fiery biscuits

9. Melons

10. Baps

11. Coconuts

12. Bangers

13. Cream Pies

14. Iced Gems

15. Bacon Hangers

16. Fried Eggs

17. Cantaloupes

18. School milk

19. Milk Monsters

20. Milkers

21. Brad Pitts

22. Danny Devitos

23. The Twins

24. Minnie and Mickey

25. Phil and Lil

26. Mary-Kate and Ashley

27. The Mitchell Brothers

28. Pinky and Perky

29. Ant and Dec

30. Mario and Luigi

31. Puppies

32. Snuggle pups

33. Cat Flaps

34. Wattdogs

35. Udders

36. Spaniel's Ears

37. Mosquito Bites

38. Noogies

39. Babs

40. Lills

41. 'The Girls'

42. Buds

43. Bips

44. Norks

45. Chebs

46. Maracas

47. Slammers

48. Tig Ol Bitties

49. Chebblies

50. Wabs

51. Funbags

52. Chesticles

53. Jugs

54. Waps

55. Tatas

56. Bazoombas

57. Breasticles

58. Bazookas

59. Mammeries

60. Bristol Cities

61. Cha-chas

62. Bosoms

63. Jubblies

64. Charlies

65. Juggernauts

66. Peaks

67. Knockers

68. Rack

69. Shelf

70. Dongles

71. Nunga Nungas

72. Wangers

73. Swingers

74. Air-bags

75. Tatty Bo Jangles

76. Honker Honkers

77. Cans

78. Babylons

79. Bubbalas

80. Nipple Holsters

81. Life Savers

82. Buoyancy aids

83. Orbs

84. Bongos

85. Watties

86. Bouncers

87. Wagons

88. Globes

89. Shoulder Boulders

90. Hooters

91. Muchachas

92. Mud Flaps

93. Man boobs

94. Fleshy Mounds

95. Upper Bollocks

96. TB's (Top Bollocks)

97. Dirty Pillows

98. Naughty Pillows

99. Two old socks

Brain

Stew says… HOW IS THIS REAL?

This has to be the work of some drunk who wanted to get fired. WE PROMISE THAT NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD HAS EVER CALLED BOOBS “BRAD PTTS.” EVER.

What is your favorite word for boobs?

Do you mean mine or in general? In general, jugs. But specifically, mine are named Nonni and Nicole

Depends on who is asking. For you? Title IX violation.

NOT UDDERS! YOU LEAVE THE MOO MOOS OUT OF YOUR BULLSHIT. Wait, I’m sorry, not “bull” shit. Human shit! I’m sorry, moo moos! I didn’t mean to take your name in vain.

Do people still call them Brad Pitts? I always liked that one.

Brain Stew presents… Cosmopolitan’s Top 45 Words for Vagina, with word by word commentary…by the BS editors. This is a good list!

THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS (UNFORTUNATELY) ! THESE ARE REAL! Go here if you don’t believe us: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a35357/words-for-vagina/

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5. 6. 7.

8.

9. 10.

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12.

13.

14. Cooter

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你一直在讀燉腦！

(You have been reading Brain Stew!)

What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!

We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.

Disclaimer: We issue no content guidelines beyond those of state, local, and federal law. All content is the responsibility of the creator. UMSL, PLHC, PLHCSA, and the Brain Stew staff are in no way obligated to print anything. In short, submit what you want, but we don’t have to print it if you’re being a little monster!

How to submit: Send your stuff to umslbrainstew@umsystem.edu

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