this is what it feels like

by paidinpesos

I wish the world’s understanding of depression was deeper than just a hasty urge to “see the bright side”, or to “focus on the positive”.

As if it’s that simple, but the truth is it’s unflinching, and without any clear or direct reason why, because it’s no easy fix.

It’s not always up and down. Sometimes, it’s just a singale, immovable line— a sadness that swells, that lingers, that allows you to feel warmth and happiness at times, but will constantly raise its hand to remind you that it’s there, and is not going away.

And yet no one can fathom how you can have a fulfilling time, or day, and then return home still feeling so empty.

As though the happiness were only temporary, and only fleetingly stays on the surface of your skin, because your soul refuses to accept it fully.

It’s an entity all its own, you co-exist with it. Some may brush it off as “not that serious”, as if people weren’t already hating, hurting, and killing themselves because of it.

I wish people understood that even when the sadness stays, they choose to stay, too. But maybe it’s too much, and we can’t really blame them.

All I need is for everyone to know, that it’s not something we make up inside our heads.

It’s not a quirk, not something to romanticize.

It doesn’t make you deep or special. It’s definitely not something for you to fix.

It’s just there, and it’s real. Nothing more, and nothing less.