Life Under Pines

PL

The Dress

By Sundi McLaughlin

Late one night, on the eve of my third wedding anniversary, I adopted a bizarre ritual of trying on my wedding dress. Ladies, as you can imagine, the idea is rife with disappointment and despair. As most women know, the months leading up to a wedding are when one starves themselves just to fit into that beautiful dress, take a twirl on the dance floor, get some photos taken and then, poof—that beautiful gown you spent weeks or months searching for is zipped into a bag or put into a cryogenic freezer never to be seen again.

As my backside seems to grow larger by the birthday, I now think of my wedding dress as a kind of lovely doily—pretty, yet outdated and absolutely pointless. My loving husband, being in the military, has been absent for about 15 of our 23 anniversaries, leaving only one witness to my bizarre ritual, my faithful dog, God rest his soul.

This year as I unzip the garment bag, I marvel at my beautiful gown. The hand beading glides along the bodice, while the train is heavily loaded with embroidered flowers and pearls. As I struggle with the weight of the gown and pull up the straps I carefully inspect myself in the mirror. Unfortunately, this year the dress will not be zipping up. It zips as far as my waist and comes to a tragic halt. My weight gain and the subsequent impossibility of the dress zipping is not entirely my fault, although I am sure the threecookies-a-night house rule doesn’t help the situation.

Twenty-three years and two months ago, before I was married, something tragically wonderful happened! I was struck down with pneumonia and pleurisy. This wonderfully nasty combo caused me to lose a significant amount of weight prior to the “big day.” The weight loss turned my waist into a stack of dimes. I look at my wedding photos now and marvel at the waif looking back at me. (Men, you will struggle to understand why a young, betrothed woman would be thrilled over a debilitating illness which would cause such weight loss, and for that I do not have time here to explain.)

Such is the insanity of beauty standards in the western world. Alas, two decades later, as I struggle to move in the billowing white dress I liken myself to a 10-pound ham in a 5-pound sack, just as Chick-fil-A and the Lord intended.

The rest of my anniversary tradition alters slightly according to location and job. Years ago, when I worked as a deputy on the 4:00 p.m. to midnight shift, I would come home alone from work (my man was deployed), take off my unsightly polyester police uniform and put on my tiara, wedding gown and shoes. I would pop open a beer and watch Conan O’Brien.

Afterward, I would cue up Shania Twain’s “From this Moment” on the sound system and dance with my dog while he balanced on his back legs, eventually getting caught up in the train of the dress. I exhausted myself and the dog. Once, I dragged myself

around the house looking at all of the things which hold such fond memories, like our wedding photos and the bizarre wedding gifts I still have and no idea what to do with.

For instance, a salt and pepper shaker set—the pepper being a rooster and the salt a cat (let that marinate). The plastic green faux marble desk clock which was missing the the 12, 2, and 5—for what reason, I can’t explain. The scary vase with a screaming woman’s face surrounded by white daisies etched in the glass has a special place in my dreams, but the taxidermy squirrel wearing a jaunty little hat might be the most disturbing of all. (We lived in Florida at the time, if that clears anything up). I think her name was Irma. Then there are the sentimental things I don’t know what to do with, but can’t seem to part with, like our wedding invitation responses and the congratulatory wedding cards our guests took the time to write. These things I keep and move with us wherever we go. After traveling down memory lane, and drinking too much, I usually collapse into bed half-tipsy, completely depressed and, yes, still wearing the gown.

This year, however, I strode out of the bedroom with my dress half zipped up, my veil with the pearl-encrusted tiara listing to the right, and noticed something very peculiar. My husband was sitting on the couch stone-still staring at me as if I had gone completely mad. It was then I realized he had never been present for one of these perfectly normal (as my therapist calls it) annual events. I shrugged off his look of concern and asked him if he would like to dance while cueing Shania. As he shakily got to his feet, eyeing me like a doctor would a psychiatric patient, he asked, “Are you all right?”

“Of course I am, I was just reminiscing about our wedding and wondered if you would like to spin me around the dance floor.”

With a worried look he slowly walked toward his deranged patient and reluctantly obliged. After a few laughs, a few turns, and one too many dips I swept back into the closet and zipped the beautiful gown back into its garment bag for another year. From the living room my husband yelled, “You looked beautiful, just how I remembered.”

And there it is—my heart exploding with love and gratitude, and I was reminded for the millionth time how lucky I am, even though I am (ahem) bigger on the outside, my insides are still the same.

I still feel like the young lady who had no idea what to expect, no clue what the future might hold, but I knew I would have my man and he would have me, and now 23 years later here we are, still together, happy (as long as there are no home projects looming) and relatively healthy. Life is not perfect and although we still have no idea what our future holds, he will have me, such as I am, and I’ve got him, come what may, right here under the pines ….

PL

Sundi McLaughlin is a proud military wife and small-business owner of Mockingbird on Broad in Southern Pines.

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WEDDING TRENDS By NICOLE SMITH, Vision Events

Since 2020, couples have abandoned traditional, big wedding customs and expectations in favor of their own unique wedding plans. Here are a few trends we’ll be seeing in 2023:

Bows, bows and more bows

Bows are popping up all over the wedding scene, as both fashion and form this year. They have an undeniable girlish, flirtatious charm, but bows also call to mind a refined elegance. Bows come in a variety of colors, textures and sizes. Bows can be incorporated into your wedding wardrobe in a variety of ways, from enormous statement pieces to delicate embellishments. Put them on your shoes, clothes, hair, cake, table decor and, of course, your dress.

Smaller bouquets

It’s simple to become overwhelmed by the chaos of wedding planning and select a lovely bouquet that requires both arms to lift. It doesn’t have to be that way. Smaller bouquets can undoubtedly give a striking impression, and in 2023 we’ll see a lot more of these. Consider the advantages: They are simpler to carry and use for celebrations, they don’t cover your face in pictures and your maid of honor won’t need to engage in a rigorous exercise regimen to be able to hold it during the ceremony.

Mismatched bridesmaid dresses

Leave the identical dresses at the bridal store. Brides are now asking bridesmaids to follow a color palette, or similar color dresses, but allow the wearer to choose the cut of the dress. Not everyone wants to wear a strapless mini dress! Not only will your attendants look better (since they chose something that flatters them), but the photos will turn out better because they’ll be comfortable in their attire, which should show in their smiling faces.

Alternative wedding party attendants

If we’re throwing away the identical dresses, let’s throw away the whole maid of honor/best man tradition, too. Who says you can’t have flower men and flower grandmas or a best woman and man of honor? As more couples include their siblings and closest friends from the other gender in their big day, the phrase “bridal parties” is being replaced by “wedding parties.” There’s no reason a bride’s brother can’t support her with her bridesmaids if he’s her best friend. And why can’t a girl who is a groom’s best friend attend the bachelor party? Weddings are about celebrating with the people closest to you, no matter their role or gender.

Go west, or east, or anywhere

Dwindling are the days of huge 200+ guest weddings. Brides and grooms are opting for destination weddings where only close friends and family are invited. Tropical destinations are always popular, but with the euro finally more on par with the dollar, we’ll probably see more over-the-pond getaways in 2023. One more bonus to an overseas soiree: You’re that much closer to your honeymoon.