5 minute read
Life Under Pines
PL
New Traditions, and Old
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By Sundi McLaughlin
Tradition (cue the Fiddler on the Roof Soundtrack) … we all have them. The thing with family traditions is when you grow up with them daily, yearly, etc., they seem completely normal. But when you introduce your holiday traditions to others, it is only then that you realize how nuanced and possibly bizarre are those things which, though endearing to you, might not translate. These moments are dramatically highlighted during the holiday months. We are passionate, willful and irrational when it comes to these childhood memories and we want them carefully recreated every year to commemorate the perfect holiday.
This passion and strict adherence to custom is never more on display than when you sit down for a Thanksgiving meal with a group outside of your family bubble. If you have had the misfortune to host a large party for Thanksgiving, the bizarre, food-specific requests can go on forever. They don’t want to know if there will be stuffing, they want to know if it is cornbread, French bread, meat or meatless. These aren’t just side dishes, these represent a person, a moment in time, a place … and it’s serious!
Each culinary plea is asked with anticipatory glee and before you know it you are making two different styles of turkey and 51 randomly requested side dishes. Grandma Gloria’s cottage cheese Jell-O salad, Aunt Linda’s cold oyster stew, Uncle Mike’s father’s mother’s marshmallow green bean casserole with just a hint of cayenne (eye roll). It goes on and on. I used to attempt to bring those recipes to life only to be met with polite disappointment. The thing is, none of us think our family dishes or drinking habits are unusual until we drop our guards and invite others to share the love for the meat Jell-O your Grandma Ethel makes every Christmas Eve. Even though you could make it anytime, you only eat Grandma’s version one night a year. Then you watch the attentive, smiling faces turn to horror at how strange meat Jell-O sounds, and maybe there is a reason you have never seen that particular dish on a menu anywhere, ever.
A friend of mine used to love her dad’s Spam cracker casserole but it never occurred to her everyone in the world didn’t eat the same thing until she saw her friends reaction when describing it. Another friend of mine only celebrates Christmas breakfast and never has enjoyed a holiday family dinner, which I cannot fathom; however, it’s probably a smart approach. My mom grew up eating a fancy oyster cocktail on Christmas Day
at her grandma’s house, but realized very recently oysters are not local to Idaho and therefore they were probably from a can. She doesn’t care, though. She still remembers it as being fancy and delicious.
Growing up, my family Christmas went a little something like this: Christmas Eve after church, a small group of friends and family would come over to my folks’ house for a party. I grew up Southern Baptist so drinking alcohol was not allowed and I never even considered it odd until my soon-to-be in-laws came over and the look on their faces when they realized they would be remaining sober for the evening still haunts my dreams.
After everyone left for the night my brother and I were allowed to choose one gift to open and then my Dad would read either The Night Before Christmas or the story of Jesus’ birth. Christmas morning, my parents, brother and I would open gifts one at a time. We listened to Christmas music and then played with our gifts until it was time for our midday feast! My mom and I would fry up shrimp and my dad would grill steaks on the BBQ. We would load up our baked potatoes, throw in a few side dishes and a million pies my dad would make from scratch, and then eat until gorged. Completely magical!
We lived in Florida, so we could run outside in the sunshine and play with whatever toys our friends were gifted with that day. We played until it broke or someone went If you happen to find yourself away from home this year and are lucky enough to be invited into someone else’s lair, do your best to let go of your familial notions, keep an open mind and stay in the present.
home in tears, at which point, my brother and I would return home, eat more pie and go to sleep with a belly full of pie and shrimp—heaven! Now when I tell people I used to look forward to fried shrimp for Christmas I get a sideways look and judgement.
I remember years ago spending Christmas morning with my first serious boyfriend and his family. It was utter chaos! Everyone woke up, ripped open presents at once, no one saying thanks or even acknowledging who it was from. I just sat there watching the carnage in horror. It seemed greedy and lacking any sort of decorum. You see, that’s the other thing your tradition gives you—self-righteous superiority with the steadfast belief your ways are better than anyone else’s. One can get real cocky until realizing they are having just as much fun as you did in your environment, even if they are animals (obviously).
If you happen to find yourself away from home this year and are lucky enough to be invited into someone else’s lair, do your best to let go of your familial notions, keep an open mind and stay in the present. You never know what fun, new ideas or recipes you might discover and even incorporate into your future personal traditions, like my addition of booze. Let yourself evolve because I have seen the disappointment first hand. Trust me, no one will make grandma’s Jell-O salad like she did.
But don’t focus on that. Focus on the people around you, the kindness of others, and if all else fails bring a flask and fake it till you can get home and try out one of those family recipes for yourself. And call your mom and ask for advice. Moms love that.
In the words of Thomas Wolfe, “You can’t go home again”, but just maybe you can find a new one, bring along your oddball traditions and fill your life up with people and things that make you feel as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. As for me, I will be frying up some shrimp and eating pumpkin pie right here Under the Pines ….
PL
