The Curse of the Good Girl

I blame Cinderella - this archetypal woman, going from rags to riches, demonstrating forgiveness to her evil stepmother and walking into her happily ever after with Prince Charming. During her years of imprisonment, humiliation and abuse, she never once lost her temper or demonstrated resentment to her captors. Although teaching a valuable moral lesson to children about kindness, bravery and forgiveness - it does seem to be imposing a social standard that the ‘good woman’ remains passively calm and kind to all people, including people who mistreat her.

Rightfully, we often talk about the repression of male emotions so that they may fit in the social definition of what it is to be a ‘man’. Such a repression is also posited onto women, stressing a need to be kind, soft-spoken, conservative in their clothing and silent about their beliefs. In February 2020, female MP Tracy Brabin’s opinion over Downing Street’s decision to block

certain journalists from parliamentary briefing was silenced after the backlash she received for her off-the-shoulder dress she wore, receiving Twitter comments telling her that she was a ‘tart’ and ‘slapper’ and also being asked if she was ‘about to breastfeed’. This feminine ideal presents, to use the words of author Rachel Simmons, a ‘psychological glass ceiling’ that hinders a girl’s true development as a person. What is arguably more dangerous about this glass ceiling is that it is a thought process and belief system that is ingrained into children from very early stages of psychological development.

Anger and passion have been emotions women have long been expected to repress. One of the earliest examples is that of Penelope from Homer’s ‘The Odyssey’ when Telemachus orders his mother to remain silent and she passively obeys: “Go to your quarters now and attend to your own work, the loom and the spindle, and tell the servants to get on with theirs. Making decisions must be men’s concern, and mine in particular; for I am the master in this house”. Penelope was taken aback, but she retired to her own apartments, for she took her sensible son’s words to heart” The classical roots of female silencing have led into society for the centuries that followed, according to Homer, the ‘good girl’ sat alone spinning on her spindle and she detached herself from the political sphere. It took thousands of years until the voice of women began to be acknowledged. It was not until 1897 when Milicent Fawcett founded the National Union of Women’s Suffrage. It was not until 1919 that Viscountess Nancy Astor became the first woman to take a seat in the House of Commons in the UK. In 2005 Margaret Attwood granted Penelope the voice

denied from her for so long through her work ‘The Penelopiad’, depicting a scene where Penelope fights back against her son’s patriarchal dismissal.

‘“You have the brains of a newt!” I raged. “How dare you take one of the boats and go off like that, without asking permission? You’re barely more than a child! You have no experience commanding a ship! You could have been killed 50 times over, and then what would your father have to say when he gets home? Of course, it would be my fault for not keeping a better eye on you!”’ In the stereotype of the ‘good girl’, anger is seen as something bad. A wasted emotion filled with images of a ‘hysterical’ woman who do nothing more than create a scene. What we seldom teach is that the emotion of anger is a clear indicator of an individual’s self-worth. It rises in the face of injustice and it is the driving force behind change. Sojourner Truth was angry. Josephine Butler was angry.

Emmeline Pankhurst was angry. Greta Thunberg is angry. To ask women to repress their anger is asking them to ignore a fundamental aspect of their human rationality, an emotion that all people possess. As said most accurately by 19th Century writer Jane Austen:

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives” To move away from literature, this repression of girls’ true abilities about any given situation is one still seen today. This year, we in the Upper Sixth struggled writing about our strengths in our personal statements with fears of coming across as conceited. In classes most girls will start an answer to any question with ‘this may be wrong but…’ or ‘this is probably a stupid question…’. In our society, children are not taught how to fail, or how to accept it when life may not go according to the perfect plan we have written in our pristine notebooks in

pastel pens. Our sense of worth is defined by how others perceive us, leading young girls to become crippled with the fears that a strong character leads to one becoming ‘intimidating’ and ‘bossy’. In her celebrated work ‘Everyday Sexism’, Laura Bates interviews a woman who was taught that all girls should walk with their eyes to the ground for ‘girls walking with their chins up gives the wrong impression’. Any small bump or setback on the ‘road to success’ is seen as catastrophic, when the reality is not as simple as that. In our attempts to be ‘perfect’ we belittle ourselves into timid, soft-spoken beings with no faith in our ability. I am far from saying that we should abandon virtues such as kindness and consideration; however, don’t polarise such traits with those of anger and steadfast determination. ‘The Curse of the Good Girl’ is one that still affects us today. A battle that still needs to be fought. A stereotype that needs to be dismissed. The moment we teach girls to concern themselves more with smashing glass ceilings, instead of squeezing into glass slippers, the better our world can become.

Speaking of glass slippers, I would have loved to have seen Cinderella throw down her broomstick, tell her stepmother exactly what she thought of her, storm out of the house and independently start a new life. Isn’t that so much more interesting than waiting for some dopey Prince who couldn’t even remember what the girl he spent the night dancing with looked like?

by G Pratt Upper Sixth