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Complimentary issue from your CatholiC Community newspaper
Catholic
MAGAZINE
Featuring:
Family Life
Teaching kids about money | The family conference call w w w. p ittsburghcatholic.org
FREE DVD OR AUDIO CD OF SEMINAR Learn What Smart Families Do To Protect Themselves, Their Assets, Their Family and Their Legacy From Taxes, Fees and Illness Thousands of people attend our seminars each year and many more would like to but are unable to do so. If you are like most of our “SANDWICH GENERATION” clients you feel that you are sandwiched between demanding jobs, helping elderly parents and even still helping children while caring for grandchildren. You tell us you would love to attend our seminars but are simply to busy to attend. That is why we created a FREE DVD or AUDIO CD of our seminar for you view and listen to at your convenience, in the privacy of your own home. Please call our answering service at(888)446-7314 and leave your name and address. Calls are answered 24 hours a day. On this FREE DVD or AUDIO CD you can learn how to protect your parents, loved ones and yourself from losing all your assets to a nursing home or to the government. Learn the truth about Revocable Living Trusts. So, if you or your parents are over 55 years old, own a home or have assets of at least $100,000.00, you owe it to yourself and your family to get the facts about the new tax law, healthcare law, how to protect your assets from long term care and the truth about revocable living trusts. What a shame it would be to see a life time of savings wiped out in a matter of months. Learn what you can do to protect yourself, your assets, and your family. The general public does not yet understand what recent changes in law mean to you and your long term care planning. A brand new FREE INFORMATIONAL DVD or AUDIO CD by local Attorneys and Authors, James P. Shields and Thomas J. Boris of the Elder Law Offices of Shields & Boris is available for FREE.
Here is some of what you will discover: • What the government’s new tax and healthcare law means for you. • What you must do now to protect your home and assets under the new laws. • How Pennsylvania’s Medicaid program “looks back” at your assets under the new laws and how this ineligibility period affects you.
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2 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine
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Family LIfe 2011
pg
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18 Inside this issue: 5 | A family tradition:
13 | Nature from the Bible:
7 | Common courtesies:
14 | Everything’s coming up roses:
8 | Time-out for new moms:
15 | The regal lily:
9 | Mom’s sage advice:
16 | Queen of the May:
10 | Fiscal management:
18 | Family fun:
Basket artists run in his family.
Civility at home ripples outward.
A learning and sharing experience.
A son recalls her words of wisdom.
Teaching kids about money. Family Life 2011
The Rodef Shalom Biblical Garden.
The genus Rosa has long been associated with religion.
Symbol of purity and grace throughout the ages.
The May crowning tradition remains popular.
Western Pennsylvania is a great place for a backyard vacation. Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 3
PITTSBURGH
Catholic MAGAZINE 135 First Ave. • Suite 200 Pittsburgh, PA 15222 1-800-392-4670 www.pittsburghcatholic.org
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19 | Keeping in touch:
Connecting through a family conference call.
20 | A kinder, gentler humanity:
Vol. 3, No. 1 Publisher | Bishop David A. Zubik General Manager | Robert P. Lockwood Editor | William Cone Operations Manager | Carmella Weismantle
Intentional acts of kindness make a big difference.
Family Life Project Editors William Cone | Phil Taylor
21 | Just part of the family:
Associate Editors Phil Taylor (Special Projects) Chuck Moody (News)
Sharing hearts and homes.
22 | Mary and Martha:
Living in imitation of Christ.
Daughter’s travels are no cause for alarm.
26 | Parental panic?
Staying cool when your child chooses to delay college.
27 | Candid conversation:
The nitty-gritty about teens and social media.
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Catholic
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Featuring Teaching
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Staff Writer | John W. Franko Graphic Designers David Pagesh | Debbie Skatell-Wehner
23 | A mother’s heart:
RG PITTSBU
Senior Staff Writer | Patricia Bartos
On the cover...
Modern culture must be led to a more profoundly restored covenant with divine wisdom. Every man is given a share of such wisdom through the creating action of God. And it is only in faithfulness to this covenant that the families of today will be in a position to influence positively the building of a more just and fraternal world. “Familiaris Consortio,” Pope John Paul II’s apostolic exhortation on the family (1981).
Director of Advertising | John Connolly Account Executives Michael A. Check | Paul Crowe Michael Wire Circulation Mgr./Parish News Coord. Peggy Zezza Administrative Assistant | Amanda Wahlen
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Office Assistant | Caitlin Arendash
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine is a complimentary publication of the Pittsburgh Catholic Publishing Associates, available at all 208 Catholic parishes in the Diocese of Pittsburgh.
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Cover design by Debbie Skatell-Wehner
Advertising: ads@pittsburghcatholic.org Editorial: editor@pittsburghcatholic.org
is part of my family tradition
By WILLIAM HILL “Do you know the hardest thing about making a white oak basket?” said my friend Herbert Durham, an 85-year-old Alabama basket artist. I knew the answer, having heard it from my father and grandfather, and reading it as well in Appalachian crafts books. “It’s finding the right tree,” I said. The right tree is white oak because it is a closed-grain wood, with long stringy fibers that enable it to be split into thin flexible strips suitable for weaving. Weaving with white oak doesn’t always mean baskets. My introduction to white oak crafts was helping my grandfather replace the seats in two small rocking chairs for my mother when I was about 8 years old. The seats are still intact, after nearly 60 years of daily use. Just a year or so ago, I replaced the seat in the chair that had been my great-grandfather’s favorite. The longevity of the
Family Life 2011
white oak makes up for the hard work required to make the splits. White oak baskets can last for generations as well, if they are kept under roof and soaked in water once a year to keep them from becoming brittle. In my family collection of baskets, there is one from my greatgreat-grandmother’s house that was always used for picking string beans since it was just the right width to lay the beans flat. Then there were smaller baskets for gathering eggs, and others for corn to feed the livestock, and giant ones more than three feet in diameter to hold cotton after it was picked. My father made little baskets for us to hold our
blocks, marbles and other toys. My relatives were not basket makers by trade — they were farmers, carpenters and blacksmiths — but knew how to make baskets and chairs for use around the home. Some white oak was used to make paling fences around the yard or garden, and some splits were used to hang hams in the smokehouse as well. Not all families knew how to make baskets, but they could usually find someone to make them. In fact, my mother still has one egg basket that came from my greatgrandmother’s house and it was made by a A white oak basket Cherokee family. They with swing handles.
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 5
came to my great-grandmother’s house in the 1880s and wanted to get some vegetables from the garden. They offered a basket in trade, and it became the basket that carried eggs to town for sale. Later, my grandmother used it for the same purpose, and now my mother still has it, more than 100 years later. Another prolific basket maker in my hometown was Jake Wilson, whose father was AfricanAmerican and his mother was Choctaw. Jake specialized in large laundry baskets and had his own efficient methods of making splits. After finding a tree, he would reach up as high as possible with his ax and split the sap wood off the standing tree, and make the splits on the spot. We would often see him trudging home with a bundle of rough splits on his shoulder, and later on our own hunting or fishing trips through the woods, we would see the tree skeletons still standing. We also would often see little earthen mounds throughout the woods, then charred bits of wood left there from Jake’s other line of business — making charcoal — that he sold to ladies in town for small charcoal heaters they used outdoors in summer to heat their irons on laundry day. That business faded with the advent of electricity, which did not reach all parts of the rural South until the 1950s.
Even though some arts have faded away, basket making has enjoyed a revival, and numerous crafts fairs and festivals almost anywhere in the country will feature basket artists. A quick online search can reveal any number. In Pennsylvania, I demonstrated making splits and baskets at the Mountain Craft Days in Somerset for several years. I have more demands from family and friends than I can fulfill, even without advertising. Aside from the white oak, I also have ventured into coiled pine needle baskets, and have made a few Nantucket baskets and purses using the fine cane imported from Malaysia. So far, I am the only one of my siblings carrying on the family tradition, but I hope that some of my children, grandchildren, or nieces and nephews will one day begin their own searches for the right tree. Hill retired from the diocesan Department for Communications and still consults from his “little villa in Florence,” Ala.
The author shaving billets smooth with drawknife, seated on a shaving horse.
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6 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine
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Family LIfe 2011
Civility should begin in your home By DR. JANIE HARDEN FRITZ In our increasingly connected world, you’d think that our ability to communicate with each other would have reached perfection from so much practice. Instead, we face the same difficulties that have confronted human beings trying to get along since the days of Cain and Abel. What do I say to that annoying co-worker? Should I bite my tongue when my neighbor brings up politics? These questions converge around the notion of civility — treating others with respect and dignity in word and deed. Civility is usually considered a “civic virtue,” expected in public places where strangers have no reason other than their common humanity to keep them from running over each other. Images of polite smiles at the bus stop and cordial exchanges in the supermarket checkout line come readily to mind. We may forget these common courtesies, however, when we walk through our own front door — we mind our manners better with those we don’t know than with those who have a greater claim on our love and loyalty. After all, those closest to us don’t need special treatment — or do they? Do
Family Life 2011
those verbal and nonverbal messages that say to our dear ones, “You matter, you are worthy of respect,” really matter? When we remember to say even a simple “please” and “thank you” to those in our own households, we become more mindful of their feelings and more reflective about our responsibility for their well-being. It is easy to take people who are close to us for granted. We often “hurt the ones we love” because we believe that these relationships are strong enough to withstand the slings and arrows of occasional rudeness. We want to let our guard down, relax the vigilance with which we discipline our discourse with strangers. But it is just as important, if not more so, to treat those we care about with common courtesy, because the stakes are higher. When it comes to interpersonal communication, am I my brother’s, sister’s, parent’s, child’s or spouse’s keeper? In short, yes. Civility is a communicative virtue that’s very much a family matter. The civility that begins at home ripples outward, just as table manners practiced at home transfer to the restaurant. Who hasn’t seen the rolling eyes of the
teenager — “Oh, Mom!” — and wondered whether that disgusted expression shows up at school? Of course, cultivating civility in any context these days is made doubly difficult by the very technology that makes more — and faster — communication possible. The key to civility is restraint, the virtue of self-control, the editor between brain and fingertips cautioning, “Should I send that?” Our wireless culture shoves that editor aside, demanding that we text, post or e-mail immediately whatever comes to mind at the moment. Should we be surprised that speaking impulsively follows suit? Fortunately, we can choose to cultivate courtesy and respect toward those we love. We can invite civility in again, refashioning our communicative “habits of the home” in word and deed, in discourse and demeanor. The world will be a better place for it. Fritz, an associate professor of communication and rhetorical studies at Duquesne University, is an expert on interpersonal relationships and is writing a book about civility.
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 7
Learning, sharing the journey of motherhood By SUE ROCCO Two and a half years ago, I found myself the stayat-home-mother of two young children, ages 3 and 1, with a third due shortly. I had a wonderful husband with whom I was sharing my life’s journey, but I was missing the fellowship of other mothers who, like me, saw motherhood as a vocation and gift from God. Reflecting on my blessings, I wanted to have a group of women with whom I could talk about the gratitude I felt and about raising my children in the Catholic faith. I wondered where I might meet other mothers in the area whose immediate concern was raising their children in the faith. I took it to prayer and asked God to show me at least a handful of other women who thought as I did. As “nothing is impossible with God,” he showed me 10 times as many. On Nov. 26, 2008, the Catholic Moms Group of Pittsburgh was launched. The group was for mothers who wanted to meet others like themselves who were working to provide a Catholic home for their families. The only true requirement was that the woman be a
8 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine
practicing Catholic or striving to become one. The “Catechism of the Catholic Church” states, “Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child’s earliest years.” Supporting mothers in this endeavor was a main goal I had when starting the group. Membership is available to any woman in the Pittsburgh area. We currently number more than 60 members who hail from most areas of the diocese. The blessing that comes from such a wide-ranging group is the diversity of our members. We have members who are cradle Catholics and those who are converts; those who attend the Novus Ordo, the traditional Latin Mass and the Ukrainian Catholic Mass or Divine Liturgy; working mothers and those who stay at home. The women are all at different points in their mothering and faith journeys, and that has been instructive and supportive at the same time. Learning more about the different aspects of our faith in an encouraging environment is such a blessing in today’s society. Journeying with these women has helped me grow in my faith and grow as a Catholic mother.
God has done amazing work through this group. He has provided members who bring their passions for certain areas of Catholicism and, in turn, widen the group’s focus. We have members who are passionate about the pro-life movement and so we are now involved as a group in the 40 Days for Life vigil. Others are drawn to Christ present in the Eucharist, and so we have members who run Armata Bianca at St. Sebastian Parish in Ross Township, and we attend the Monday 10 a.m. hour of family adoration at the Pittsburgh Oratory in Pittsburgh’s Oakland neighborhood. I am driven by the desire to see more small children at Mass with their families so I instituted Tuesday’s Child, in which on the third Tuesday of each month we gather at St. Paul Cathedral for the 12:05 p.m. Mass with our children — and dads, too. The Catholic Moms Group of Pittsburgh is supported by several local pastors who have opened their parishes to us. I am deeply indebted to those who give us space to meet in the evening to discuss See
Mother, page 9
Family LIfe 2011
Mom’s wisdom has never failed me yet By WILLIAM CONE A mother’s wisdom is time-tested and has no expiration date. You trust it with your life — even when it has a sharp edge to it. The insights have their basis in love, even though you may not follow them all of the time. My mom, Ellen, was never shy about offering ideas and opinions to her children. Until her death in 2008 at age 92, her family knew how she felt about most things. Of course, her wisdom wasn’t always welcome. When you were dealing with a particularly troublesome situation — be it a romantic relationship, a child-rearing challenge or something else — you didn’t really enjoy hearing Mom point out your obvious limitations. On the phone she would say, “Oh, Bill, I hear the baby crying in the background. Is she OK? You really need to watch her carefully, you know, or she could get hurt pretty badly. I remember the time — you must have been about 2 — when I was calling for you to come into the house and you wouldn’t move. Do you remember that? You just stood in the front yard crying. I kept calling and calling until I noticed that you were covered in red ants. What a terrible thing. “Or what about the times I would be shopping in a store and you would lose sight of me and start crying at the top of your lungs because you thought I had left you,” Mom would continue. “You were so clingy when you were young.” “I do remember those times, Mom, and I know the baby is crying, but I have my hands full right now,” I would say. “She’s just crying because I’m talking with you and not paying enough attention
to her. I’ll get to her in a minute when I get off the phone.”
What’s best
Children — young adults and older — are usually a bit skeptical when it comes to Mom offering advice about their relationships with others because she’s not the most objective observer. Her personal feelings may ith The author w n. le El obscure r, he his mot Mom’s vision
of what’s best for her children. My mom was different. She was more of a realist. She knew us better than anyone, and she had the life experience to know when things weren’t going to turn out the best. For example, when I was in college and struggling to meet a nice young lady, I lamented that women didn’t seem to know how to distinguish good guys from bad ones. Mom’s advice for attracting women was “make them laugh.” We both knew I wasn’t going to wow them
with my striking good looks, so humor was my best bet if I was going to attract a suitable mate. Well, she was right, and I have kept my wife entertained for nearly 25 years. Our children don’t always appreciate my jokes, but as long as she keeps laughing I’m safe.
Have faith
Mom had learned from observing her own family and friends that religion was an aspect of life that husbands and wives need to share. That’s why she would often tell me, “Make sure you marry a Catholic.” She had seen too many couples break up because their competing faith traditions drove a wedge between them. Our faith should draw us together instead. That’s another piece of Mom’s wisdom that I followed, and I’m glad I did. There are exceptions to this rule, but marriage is hard enough without the added pressure of dueling religions. Of course, Mom came from a completely different era. She was born in 1916 in a Wisconsin farmhouse built by her father. She graduated from a one-room school when she was 20 because farm children had chores to do and didn’t always have time for an education. Her education was from life. She didn’t need books to tell her how children would grow up happy and healthy. I continue to seek her advice. As part of the communion of saints, Mom is ready to intercede for me when I ask for her help. And her wise assistance is still much appreciated. If I could write a letter to her it would go something like this:
Dear Mom, Amy and the kids are fine. The job is going well, though it’s pretty hectic. Thanks so much for your guiding hand. I’m glad to be your son. What a blessing from God! Wish you were here. Your loving son, Bill Cone is editor of the Pittsburgh Catholic.
MOTHER FROM PAGE 8 mothering issues or provide play space during the winter months. It is a blessing to have such support. Two and a half years ago I was feeling alone and looking for others to share the journey of Catholic motherhood. I pray, through the work of the Holy Spirit, the Catholic Moms Group of Pittsburgh can continue to support other Catholic moms who are striving to raise their children in the faith.
Family Life 2011
How to contact us The Catholic Moms Group of Pittsburgh is a free support group for Catholic moms. If you have small children and are looking for support and fellowship in your role as Catholic wife and mother, check them out. They have playgroups, online discussion boards
on topics such as prayer requests, where to find a natural family planning, friendly physician and pro-life discussions, a monthly Mass for moms and their children, known as “Tuesday’s Child,” Mom’s Night In/Out, book groups and much more. Contact them on the web at www.meetup. com/The-Catholic-Moms-Group-of-Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 9
Teaching YOUR KIDS
$
about
Money
Seven lessons from an economist By DR. ANTONY DAVIES As an economist with six children, teaching kids about money early on is a top parenting priority. In our house, a first-grader gets an allowance and a “bank sheet” that is posted in the kitchen. Every time the child spends or receives money, he enters the transaction on the bank sheet. At the end of each month, I check the calculations and post new bank sheets. Here are lessons you can teach with an activity like this:
1. Money is the reward for work. Emphasize that an allowance is not a right, but the reward for chores. If the chores aren’t done, the allowance isn’t paid. Note to the teenagers: No, you cannot give up your allowance in exchange for being excused from chores.
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2. Money is real, whether it is cash or an entry on a ledger. Children who don’t learn this lesson grow up to become adults who think that a credit card isn’t “real money.”
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3. You must monitor your finances. If a child overdraws his account or fails to enter a transaction, charge a fine. There will be tears and you will feel horrible, but don’t give in. Note to the teenagers: Think this is unfair? Try overdrawing at a real bank. 10 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine
ones; make sure they have plenty of time to save and remind them why they are saving. Painful but important: If they had the opportunity to save money for the present but didn’t, don’t let them go to the party. It sounds harsh, but it will only happen once. The powerful accompanying lesson: Responsibility means living with the consequences of one’s decisions.
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7. Long-term saving is rewarding. If a child saves his money for at least 12 months, I pay him 100 percent interest on the savings. Kids’ time horizons tend to be too short for them to understand interest. Paying a ridiculously high interest rate gets the kids’ attentions. Each month, when I post new bank sheets, I show the interest they have earned so far on their savings. Even though they can’t withdraw the money for 12 months, they can see the amount steadily growing.
4. Living within an income means sometimes making painful choices. Children who do not learn this grow up to become spendthrift adults because they never learned that getting something always means giving up something else. While shopping, if a child asks for something for herself, tell her to use her allowance. This seems harsh, but it is a valuable teaching moment and empowering. You will see the wheels turning in the child’s head as she weighs the desire for the object against the necessity of paying. Note to the teenagers: Yes, I hear you saying that you can’t live without this thing. But if you don’t value the thing enough to part with your money, why should I part with mine?
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5. Making choices is empowering. When you force the child to make a purchase decision, you run the risk of the child making a poor choice. Advise your child, but allow your child to make a poor choice if she insists. When the mistake becomes apparent, talk about what she could have done differently and what she’ll do next time. It’s painful to watch, but the child gains a growing sense of empowerment as she realizes that she is the one making the decision.
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6. Financial rights imply financial responsibilities. Require the children to pay for birthday presents when they are invited to parties. You’ll need to work with the younger Family LIfe 2011
A final word on teenagers: There is nothing so endearing or aggravating as a teenager’s myopic quest for “fairness.” When she turned 16, my daughter informed me that it was unfair that she worked so hard for only a $20 allowance. “I want to be paid minimum wage for the work I do at home,” she said. “Fine,” I said.
“Really?” she asked. “Absolutely,” I said. “Your labor is valuable, and it is unfair for me to take your labor without just compensation.” Astounded, she pressed me on the details. Would I pay her $7 for each hour that she worked? Yes. Would I pay her each week? Yes.
Regardless of the number of hours worked? Yes. “Fine,” she said, “that’s fair.” “No,” I replied, “it isn’t fair yet. You have a room in this house, use of the car, meals, clothes, electricity, water, insurance and many other things of which you are likely unaware. If you believe that labor must be fairly compensated, then you must agree that your parents’ labor — work that provides all these things — must be fairly compensated. To be fair, I must deduct your $7 per hour from the $800 per month that you will owe me for all these things that you currently get for free.” After the tears, we had a talk about what it means to be a member of a family and to contribute to the household not out of pecuniary interest, but out of love. For the first time, she realized that my financial rules weren’t there to restrict her freedom, but to help her learn how to exercise that freedom well. Davies is associate professor of economics at Duquesne University and Mercatus Affiliated Senior Scholar at George Mason University. His areas of research include forecasting, consumer behavior and public policy.
the Core of Gannon University’s Catholic Identity As a Catholic University, Gannon’s community involvement centers on the University’s commitment to service, not only in Erie, but around the world. Students, faculty and staff contribute tens of thousands of hours to making the lives of others better. Service projects range from cleaning up impoverished areas of Erie, to helping rebuild New Orleans, to tutoring migrant worker children in Immokalee, to reforesting in Guatemala. There is no project the Gannon Community will not consider for the Global Community. It is the fulfillment of our Catholic mission.
Believe in the possibilities. Family Life 2011
For more information, call 814.871.7433 or visit gannon.edu.
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 11
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Family LIfe 2011
My path to establishing the Biblical Garden ancient life with special exhibits. The concept behind the garden seemed simple enough, and both Jews and Christians have found it appealing. The execution was a little more difficult. A third of an acre adjacent to the Rodef Shalom Temple, which covers a city block, was available as a site. We began with a handdrawn outline of a garden shaped like the land of Israel with a hint of its topographical features, such as a waterfall flowing into Lake Kinneret, the Jordan flowing into the Dead Sea. Display areas and a pavilion provide our educational possibilities. Locating sources of plants turned out to be a national and international search. Even common plants like cotton and wheat were often surprisingly difficult to obtain. As many of the Mediterranean plants did not bloom in summer, A grape arbor in Pennsylvania’s only Biblical Botanical Garden. and we are only open There are more than 100 temperate and tropical plants featured in from June 1 to Sept. 15, the garden. we had to give the garden a splash of color, so we By IRENE JACOB included plants with biblical common names and provided distinctive labels. I grew up in London, where gardening Among them are Aaron’s Beard (Hypericum was popular. My first job was working in a calycinum) and Joseph’s Coat (Amaranthus nursery there, mainly raising tomato plants. tricolor) and Moses in the Basket (Rhoeo While I lived in Israel from 1948-1958, I had an spathacea). These plant names demonstrate apartment with a rooftop garden where I had people’s love for the Bible. The Mediterranean plenty of room to raise plants after working at plants, which cannot survive our winter, are a hospital. kept in a greenhouse and are taken out in midThe idea of a biblical garden was the result May and returned in the fall. of seeing the interest of the public when I We have 10 docents and 35 host/hostesses. was education coordinator at the Phipps We wanted to offer something new and Conservatory and began the docent tours different each year, so we pursued a different there. In winter, very few people visited the theme each summer and provided new plant conservatory, so I began a program of biblical exhibits, lectures and literature. Our themes plants. It proved very popular. have included: “Drugs and Pharmaceuticals in Our biblical ancestors depended on nature the Early Biblical World,” “Fragrance Through and plants to provide food, clothing, shelter and medicine. Each summer the Rodef Shalom the Ages — Perfumes Incense and Cosmetics,” “The Ageless Art of Dyeing — Color from Biblical Garden looks at a new aspect of the
Family Life 2011
All plants are identified and a biblical verse accompanies each plant.
Nature from the Bible to the Present,” “Papyrus to Paper,” “Beer from Ancient Israel to the Present” and “Botanical Symbols in Ancient World Religions.” I have also written a number of books, which add to our understanding of nature and the Bible. They include “Plants of the Bible and Their Uses,” “Botanical Symbols in World Religions” and “Biblical Plants — A Guide to the Rodef Shalom Biblical Botanical Garden.” I also had a very large garden at home and years ago had a plant business. Jacob is director of the Biblical Botanical Garden located in Pittsburgh’s Shadyside neighborhood. For more information, visit www.biblicalgardenpittsburgh.org.
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412-364-7171 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 13
Rose Family -
The
and the
Love of flowers unites us all
By FATHER GERVASE DEGENHARDT
Italian Renaissance sculptor Andrea Della Robbia created a terracotta of St. Elizabeth of Hungary with her apron unfolded and filled with beautiful roses. This magnificent piece of art depicts an incident in the life of the saint. It seems that she had been forbidden by her husband to distribute food to the needy. One day he caught her out among the poor, but when she unfolded her apron, the bread she had been carrying was miraculously transformed into roses. It was this incident that shamed her husband into devoting his great wealth to charity. We shouldn’t be surprised that the rose has been intimately associated with many of the saints and especially with our Blessed Mother, the Mystical Rose. The Mystical Rose is one of the titles given to her in the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Madonna was often depicted with roses by the great painters of the Renaissance and the classic age, no doubt for various symbolic reasons, and we can readily see her exquisite beauty and purity in this symbolism. The rose has long been associated with religion. Though Call or stop in for a tour! religious authorities Specializing in: frowned upon roses in the Middle Ages • Recuperation because they viewed • Rehabilitation it as the flower that was featured at • Residential Living decadent and sinful • Respite Roman parties, monks pleaded its cause, citing the usefulness of the rose in medicine and 800 Elsie Street, Turtle Creek, PA 15145 the deliciousness of 412-825-9000 rose-hip pies. www.lgar.org
A neighborhood nursing home full of quality, compassion and genuine friendliness.
14 Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine
The “Pope John Paul II” is a hybrid tea that was hybridized by Keith Zary in 2007. It was introduced by Jackson & Perkins. It is a showpiece of the Vatican private garden.
Monastic gardens soon grew roses in the company of other flowers and healing herbs. Marks of divine favor were soon forthcoming. The martyr, St. Dorothy, sent roses from heaven to her grieving fiancé. Soon others followed; we mention but one instance which is perhaps the best known, St. Thérèse of Lisieux, the Little Flower. Eventually people thought “what is good enough for God is good enough for his servants.” Mary has shown her fondness for roses, having bestowed them on such favored saints as Bernard and Dominic. To this day countless Catholics honor her by praying their rosaries. The idea of comparing a set of prayers to a garland or garden of roses is very much a product of the Christian Middle Ages. In our day, overpowered by TV, cell phones, iPods, iPads, etc., we need all the help we can get to draw our families back together. It used to be said: “The family that prays together stays together.” Perhaps prayer could use a little bit of help. Could we foster getting together to work at beautifying a garden? There certainly would not be any harm in trying. If that sounds too odious to either parents or children, could we use an existing garden to draw us together? In this regard, all sorts of things come into the picture, not the least of which are color, height, texture, time of bloom and fragrance. Imagine the pleasure of various fragrant roses and lilies enchanting the air while we dine on the patio. Accompanying music of your own choice would add to the charm. A basically white, fragrant garden could be even more enticing since soft lighting could be added as dusk falls at the end of the dinner. “White” has a way of appearing luminous as the darkness approaches. There is a Chinese saying used about all of humanity that we could use about the family: “Differences of religion and politics may divide humankind, but the love of flowers unites us all.” Capuchin Friar Gervase is a master rosarian and editor of the Pittsburgh Rose Society newsletter. He can be reached at 412-682-6430, ext. 240, or e-mail gervase@capuchin.com.
Family LIfe 2011
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By PHIL TAYLOR As spring begins, flower and plant enthusiasts cannot but take notice of the Easter lily, the beautiful, trumpet-shaped white flower that has come to symbolize the spiritual essence of Easter. Hardly has a flower — except perhaps the rose — more influenced literature, history, mythology and legend. The elegant white flowers have always been directly linked to Christ’s resurrection. Often called the “white-robed apostles of hope,” legend has it that lilies were found growing in the Garden of Gethsemane after Christ’s agony. The story has it that the flowers sprung up where drops of Christ’s sweat fell to the ground in the final hours of his sorrow. Another legend has it that lilies sprang from the repentant tears of Eve, after the first couple was banished from Eden. It is not surprising why the flowers are selected to adorn the altars of Catholic churches as well as other Christian churches during that sacred part of the year. The regal lily has been associated with purity and grace throughout the ages. Early artists in their paintings have closely associated it with the Virgin Mary. The flower’s pure white petals signifying her spotless body and the golden anthers — her soul glowing with heavenly light. Legend also states that when Mary’s tomb was visited three days after her burial, it was found empty save for bunches of majestic white lilies. Although the red lily is equated with illicit passions, the white is linked to chastity. As such, the white lily is an attribute of all virgin saints and those who promoted the virtue of chastity, including St. Clare, St. Francis and St. Anthony of Padua. The fleur-de-lis is a stylized triple lily signifying royalty, perfection, the Trinity and the virtues of faith, hope and charity. It was rumored to have been given to King Clovis by an angel when he was baptized around 496 A.D. Many today recognize it as the symbol or logo on the helmets of the New Orleans
Family Life 2011
Saints, the National Football League’s 2010 Super Bowl XLIV champs. In literature, to be “lily-like” is to be of a gentle demeanor and to love others with a pure, virginal love. To “gild a lily” is to waste time trying to improve something already perfect. The Lily of the Valley is one of the first flowers to bloom in spring. Its appearance following winter makes it a symbol of both Christ and the Virgin Mary. To both Jesus (who was the only male without sin) and Mary are attributed the words, “I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys” (Song 2:1). On a more contemporary and personal note for me and co-worker Mike Check, Pittsburgh Catholic account executive, the 1963 film “Lilies of the Field ” is a must-see any time of the year. It’s the story of an unemployed Baptist construction worker, played by Sidney Poitier, and his encounter with a group of Eastern European nuns who escape from communist Berlin and are now working a farm in the desert. The group of nuns, headed by their strict mother superior Maria (Lilia Skala), are truly the lilies in that southwestern desert as they enlist a sometimes unwilling Poitier to help them set up a school and “build a schapel.” Taylor is an associate editor of the Pittsburgh Catholic.
Prepare For The Future •Take Courses in Robotics, Web-Design & Chinese Explore New Opportunities • Participate in Art, Athletics & Co-Curricular Activites Join us for a tour or visit for a day and “Discover Your St. Joe’s” Contact the Admissions Office at
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www.saintjosephhs.com Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 15
St. Mary of the Mount, Mount Washington 1968
St. John the Baptist, Monaca c1940s
Transfiguration, Monongahela May 1955
St. Peter, South Side May 1, 1934
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Family LIfe 2011
St. Wenceslaus, North Side May 7, 1972 St. Stephen, McKeesport 1952
St. Ann, Millvale 1920
Family Life 2011
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 17
Popular backyard vacations for the entire family By PEGGY ZEZZA Skyrocketing gas prices and higher airfares are good reasons families may want to consider vacationing in western Pennsylvania this year. There are ample opportunities for family fun and relaxation so to speak right in your own backyard.
Nature’s beauty Western Pennsylvania is home to some of the most beautiful places nature has to offer. These places give families an opportunity for an outdoor vacation adventure. At the top of the list is Moraine State Park. The park is located off U.S. Route 422 in Portersville, and is comprised of rolling hills, forests and sparkling Lake Arthur. The lake has more than 42 miles of shoreline and two sandy beaches. The park offers nature programs, camping sites, walking trails, canoe trips, sailing, bike trails and more. Raccoon Creek State Park and Wilderness Reserve is located in the southern part of Beaver County, and is the largest state park in Pennsylvania. It houses 7,000 acres and Raccoon Creek Lake. There are walking trails to view the residents of the park, including deer, raccoons, wild turkeys, minks and more. Recreation fun includes boating, camping, swimming and more. Families do not have to rough it, because cabins are available with electric
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heat, kitchens — and toilets.
History comes alive If it is history and education your family likes, you can head over to Pittsburgh’s North Shore. The Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh is home to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood exhibit, among many other fun learning activities. Nearby the museum is the National Aviary, where you can make a Penguin connection. Also on the North Shore, is the extensive Carnegie Science Center, it houses exhibits, interactive activities, laser shows, IMAX Theater, and the Highmark Sports works. Family passes can be purchases to include admission to Carnegie Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh’s Oakland neighborhood, home of the dinosaurs and the Carnegie Art Museum. One of Pennsylvania’s largest museums is the Sen. John Heinz History Center in the Pittsburgh’s Strip District neighborhood. The museum usually has a traveling exhibition. It also houses the Western Pennsylvania Sports Museum, children’s discovery place and more. It is a fun place to learn about the history of where we live. Western Pennsylvania is rich in history and art — you don’t have to stay in the big city to find it. The family can get on board at the Pennsylvania Trolley Museum in Washington, which has 50 preserved trolleys on display. The tour’s highlight is the four-mile scenic trolley ride At Meadowcroftt Museums of Rural Life in Avella, operated by the Heinz History Center, visitors can travel back in time to a 19th century rural village. Children can watch a blacksmith forge, take a lesson in a one-room schoolhouse, play in a playground from 150 years ago, walk a covered bridge and more. Visitors can also step back 400 years to a recreated Native American village. Seeking another time-traveling vacation? Try Old Economy Village, located on Route 65 in Ambridge. The village was founded in 1824 by the Christian communal Harmony society. You can slip back in time to everyday life in this community by visiting the gardens, community houses, a tailor shop, printing shop and more. It’s amazing to check the price lists from 1827. Put on your hard hat and go to Tour Ed Mine and Museum, located off Route 28 North in Tarentum. You will get on board a modern mining car to a .05-mile underground coal mine. A miner tour guide will teach you about the history of coal, a major natural resource in Pennsylvania. The Tour Ed Mine museum also features an authentic railroad caboose, a 1785 log house and more. Probably one of the tastiest museums in western Pennsylvania, is the Big Mac Museum and restaurant on Route 30 in North Huntingdon. The Big
One of the tastiest museums in western Pennsylvania is the Big Mac Museum and restaurant on Route 30 in North Huntingdon.
Mac was created more that 40 years ago in western Pennsylvania. It features exhibits on the history of the sandwich and houses a 14-foot Big Mac.
Festival fun Looking for family fun in the summertime, a parish festival has it all with games, food, entertainment and more. Our area hosts several big festivals. One of the biggest in just the name is “The Big Butler Fair,” planned from July 1-9 at the Butler County Fairgrounds on Route 422 in Prospect. The fair has been around for 150 years and features rides, entertainment, livestock shows, antique display, a petting zoo and lots more. Butler County also hosts the Butler Farm Show from Aug. 8-13, at 625 Evans City Road in Butler. There is fun for the entire family, with arts and crafts, a baked good auction, 4-wheel-drive pulling contest just to name a few. The country’s longest continuous running fair is the Jacktown Fair in Wind Ridge, located in Greene County. Held for the first time in 1886, the fair continues to features prize produce and livestock, a liar’s contest, weightlifting competition, parade and more. The festival will be held Tuesday through Saturday, July 19-23. So, why not enjoy the many fun spots right in your own backyard? For vacation and tourist information visit www. visitpittsburgh.com or call 1-877-LOVEPGH. Zezza is circulation manager and parish news coordinator of the Pittsburgh Catholic.
Family LIfe 2011
The Family Conference Call Keeping our family together By FATHER DAVID H. TAYLOR More than 20 years ago, my family and I looked for ways we could keep in contact with each other since we were now spread all across the country. My mom and dad were now deceased, and
we truly needed a real sense of home. My older brother, Father Augustus, was and still is ministering in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. My brother, Devon, and sister, Jackie, live farther south in San Diego. My brother, Tim, along with his wife, Vivian, and daughters Avanti and Dara, live in New York City. My sister, Patricia, along with her husband, Garrick, and children Garrick Jr. and Cassandra, live in western New Jersey — Moorestown. I, along with my brother, Jon, my brother, Phil, and his wife, Melanie, and daughter Chloe at the time, and deceased brother, Eugene, resided here in Pittsburgh. After looking at many options, we decided perhaps that a monthly telephone call might really fill the bill. We didn’t know exactly how to go about this, or how much it may cost, but we knew that personal communication was important to all of us. We have always been a close-knit family and have tried to support each other in good times and in bad. This had become all the more urgent with the death of both of our parents. So we decided on the monthly calls, the first Sunday of each month. The cost would be spread
Family Life 2011
around to those who made the call. It has meant so much to us just to be able to personally keep in touch and to talk about things that are going on in our lives — both good and bad. It also provides us with a wonderful opportunity to be of support and give ideas as far as the challenges that we face in our respective careers. Like many large families, there are many things that have go n e o n i n our lives for which we need the love and support of others. Although we are blessed to have many friends and o t h e r re l a tives, we feel that there is a certain bonding between us siblings. The conference call has been invaluable to us Taylor siblings, especially in times of illness, sickness and the challenges that come with family life. It is not always easy to talk and reflect upon difficult things and ask for help. We have found that the family call is very therapeutic for each of us, and that we are able to share and care for one another. The most important thing is not that we have instant answers and solutions to our difficulties, but that we are willing to talk about them and not be afraid to ask for help and prayers. Throughout the years this has been so very important to me, especially here in the Diocese of Pittsburgh. I always know that I can call upon my siblings and their spouses and children to be of help, support and love. A few years ago, we began to have family reunions. Our latest one took place last year in Los Angeles. Our brother, Gus, suffered a serious fire at his home. We wanted to go there and be of support to him. It was also an opportunity to get together on the sunny West Coast. We have had family reunions here in Pittsburgh, New York City and New Jersey, and in Lexington, Ky., our hometown. Our sister, Pat, and her family also experienced a traumatic fire to their home
some years ago, and we were certainly happy to be there as much as we could to be of help and support in the rebuilding. As we continue to grow older, we also see that our needs are different, but the support still needs to be there. We also try to bring the younger generation, our nieces and nephews, in on what this has meant to us. As a family, we have been blessed immensely by God. One important blessing that we have had is the fact that through the Catholic Church we were fortunate in being able to have a good education. I have a sister who is a medical doctor and a brother with a doctorate degree. The rest of us also have higher education and degrees that have helped us all in the various career/ ministry choices that we have made. I continue to credit the church and Catholic schools for helping us along the way in all of this. We plan to continue to stay together and keep up the family conference call, which really makes our life a lot happier and fulfilling. It is truly a blessing to know that among your siblings you have those whom you can love, support, trust and count on in times of need. It has really been a blessing for us and we are so happy to share what this means to us. Father Taylor is pastor of St. Charles Lwanga Parish in Pittsburgh’s East End.
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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 19
[Intentional acts of kindness] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Precious gifts of humanity start with the family By LAURA MILLER My older brother, Geoff, was one of my three best friends, my parents being the other two. But it didn’t just happen like that from the beginning, let alone overnight. The love and kindness that developed in our family grew out of struggle and suffering. My dad worked in the steel industry, which had our family in five houses and four states by the time I was 13. New schools, new neighborhoods, new parishes forced us to rely on one another for
familiarity, support and consistency. My mother’s often debilitating chronic illness landed her in various hospitals for much of our childhood and early adult lives. We saw my dad’s commitment as he became Mom’s primary caregiver, the words “in sickness and in health” vowed before God. We saw the effort our mother put into providing for us as best she could. My parents have always given of themselves for others. Kindness, unconditional love and doing the right thing weren’t just some options — they were the only options. Our culture celebrates individualism. I like to call it “the culture of me.” We’re in our bubbles,
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working overtime at our jobs so we can get ahead, scrolling on our iPhones, tapping on our Blackberries. We’re trying to squeeze more hours and activities into our days. And while we’re doing these things, we’re exhausted. We’re lonely. We’re unfulfilled. Why? Because we’ve literally turned inward. It’s no wonder we’re lonely and exhausted, cranky and irritable and less than kind to our neighbors. We’re trying to function alone. But God created us to be with — and to love and serve — one another. When we extend kindness in a truly unconditional and intentional way, we form a connection with the person to whom we give. What a precious and holy gift of our humanity. So how do we give intentionally? We can do the unexpected for someone. We can pay attention to what’s going on with and to the people around us. We can think about the battles they may be fighting, help carry their armor or even offer to wear it for awhile. When we live for each other and we take care of each other, everyone is taken care of. If we wait for moments when kindness and service to others seems an obvious choice, then we lose the beauty, grace and dignity associated with it. We can’t wait until just the right moment to be kind. We can’t wait until it’s convenient or expected or obvious. We must be kindness. Live it. Let kindness be a verb in and through us. We must be intentional in our actions of love and kindness toward others. We must turn “the culture of me” into “a culture of we.” Through love, we have chosen to write the narrative of our lives, for each other and for the world around us. To paraphrase Philippians 2:3-7, we must each regard one another as more important than ourselves and look out for the interests of others, just as Christ emptied himself, taking the form of a servant and being made in the likeness of men. If there is anything we are put on this earth to do, it is to love and serve one another in the likeness of Jesus. And it must start in the loving bonds of our earthly family. Miller, an administrative assistant in the history department at Duquesne University and member of St. Paul Cathedral in Pittsburgh’s Oakland neighborhood, is internationally known as Secret Agent L, encouraging intentional acts of kindness through other “agents” in Pittsburgh and around the world.
Family LIfe 2011
Opening homes and hearts to those with disabilities By KIMBERLY FLAHERTY Mercy Intellectual Disabilities Services provides many residential options for people with intellectual disabilities. One that few people know about, and one that you can be part of, is Lifesharing. Through this program, people with intellectual disabilities live with unrelated family members. The need may arise when blood relatives die or are no longer physically capable of caring for their family member. “Lifesharing provides consistency, longterm support and focuses on relationship building between the provider and the individual,” according to Susan Troyan, program coordinator. The arrangement offers companionship, the opportunity to become a contributing member of a family and receive additional individualized attention, and the chance to develop trusting and caring relationships. Once a person has expressed a desire to live in a private home, the integration process begins. Individuals, couples or families take individuals into their homes and care for their needs. The arrangement is not temporary, so the commitment is significant. To serve as a provider, you must be willing to open your home and your heart. The person will become part of your family and the community in which you live. One family who has made room in both their home and hearts is the McNemars of the South Hills. After raising their four children and serving as foster parents for many years, eight years ago Richard and Margaret McNemar welcomed Wayne, 41, into their extended family. Wayne, who has an intellectual disability, is “always on the go” according to the McNemars. During the day, Wayne attends Mercy Intellectual Disabilities Services adult training facility in Baldwin. “After so many babies and children, caring for an adult came easy to us,” says Margaret. “One of the most important things for Wayne is that we maintain consistency in his schedule. And he knows he is part of our family.” Mercy Behavioral Health and Mercy Intellectual Disabilities Services, part of the Pittsburgh Mercy Health System, have a long history of providing services to people in need in our community. In addition to Mercy employees who provide any needed support, a family living specialist visits once or twice monthly to verify that all regulations and
Family Life 2011
The McNemar family at St.Thomas More Church in Bethel Park. Front row: Margaret and Wayne. Back row: Mario (foster son), Richard and Father Michael Suslowicz.
expectations are met. In Pennsylvania, Lifesharing officially began in 1982 when one family opened their home to a person with a disability. At that time, it was called “Family Living.” Since then, the program has expanded to almost every county in the commonwealth. More than 1,500 individuals with disabilities participate statewide. Twenty individuals participate in the Lifesharing program offered by Mercy Intellectual Disabilities Services. They range in age from children to senior citizens who live with families in Allegheny, Beaver, Fayette, and Washington counties. “There is nothing like seeing the bond blossom between the family members of the participant and the future provider,” according to Troyan. “It’s so rewarding,“ says Richard. “We help Wayne, and in turn, he gives us his love and trust.” To learn more about the Lifesharing Program, call Troyan at 412-344-6415 or contact Mercy Intellectual Disabilities Services at 412-344-6400. Flaherty is public relations coordinator for Mercy Behavioral Health.
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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 21
Witnesses to love By DONNA CANOVALI “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus” (John 11:5). More than anything this verse from John’s Gospel reveals Christ’s human nature through his personal attachments of the heart. But as I have often meditated upon this verse and just why the Gospel writer goes out of his way to tell us this fact, there must be a deeper reason for reflection upon that household in Bethany. Jesus’ fraternity with this family of three must have been very dynamic and profound. But what was it in particular about those individuals whom Jesus loved most? The Lord said, “But I am among you as one who serves” (Luke 22:27). Perhaps it was Martha’s capacity to “practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13) — a quality valued by Jesus but from his divine perspective. Martha, known for serving and preparing a meal for her divine guest — without the help of her sister — nourished her household. Martha characterized Jesus as someone who, “taking the five loaves and the two fish …” (Matthew 14:19-20) fed the multitude.
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Mary, the contemplative sister, is renowned for choosing the better part. Since God created man in his own image, did Jesus most especially see his reflection in Mary of Bethany? She, who sat at his feet and later “took a pound of costly ointment of pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus” (John 12:3), loved him lavishly. Certainly Jesus was aware that Mary’s tender example of devotion was in imitation of his “total self-giving … covenant of love with the church sealed with his blood on the cross. This brings us to ponder the figure of Lazarus, who went into the grave ahead of Jesus. Perhaps this is why the Lord wept. But it was precisely because he loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus and their relationship with him that he could linger for days before he raised Lazarus from the dead. Their love for Jesus wasn’t fragile. Even Jesus states, “For the Father loves the Son, and shows him all that he himself is doing … For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will” (John 5:20-21). But just before he raised Lazarus from the dead, Jesus shared the supplemental Good News of what he was about. He said to Martha,
“I am the resurrection and the life …,” and she responded with the witness of her own faith and love along the path toward full acceptance of Jesus: “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, he who is coming into the world.” We can imagine the siblings’ gratitude and shock at the depth of Jesus’ love for them. Yet it was through their own love and sacrifice that these intimate friends of Jesus were linked to his mission — each in their own unique way: Martha for her faith, Lazarus for his hope and Mary for her love. And for that he loved each of them as brother and sister. All of the baptized are members of the family of God — the church. Our own contemporary households can welcome the Lord through family prayer and reception of the sacraments. Living in imitation of Christ, like Martha and Mary and Lazarus through the gift of family life, will lead us to Jesus. He will acknowledge us before the Father, and we will rejoice and accept that Jesus loves us, too. Canovali is founder of the Martha and Mary Ministry for women.
Family LIfe 2011
While daughter’s away, a mother offers prayers By PAULA A. SMITH The first time I overheard our daughter, Alison, speak fluent Haitian Creole came as a surprise to me. When did she learn that? It was even more surprising that I was swaying back and forth in the seat of a battered, old pickup truck as it careened through the congested streets of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, only eight months after a 7.0-level earthquake rocked the city in 2010. The things we do for our children. Last September, I decided to “gear up” for my first trip with Alison and a volunteer team of students and physicians who she was leading for a fourth medical relief trip to the rural village of Jacsonville in the central plateau of Haiti. Although Alison is 26 and a fourth year M.D./ Ph.D. student at Tulane University School of Medicine in New Orleans, sometimes I look at her and see a 4-year-old with mischievous blue eyes and blonde hair in pigtails that I just braided that morning running to me. Why isn’t she holding my hand anymore? This time, she’s the one looking after me. It all started with her first service-learning trip to Australia as a student at Virginia Tech when she was seeking international experiences. I forced back tears and held my breath when she turned to smile and wave goodbye at the airport as she traveled to a country I only knew about from an aunt who left there as a war bride. We stood silently watching her move through security from every angle of the airport we were allowed until the door slammed shut on the transit rushing her far, far away. I prayed. When she returned, I was excited as she breathlessly recounted campfires with the Aborigines, ceremonies with a didgeridoo and working on a farm. Not long after, we shared her happiness in being selected to work on two USDA-funded research projects in Mali and Ecuador that involved malaria and testing drinking water. I had reservations because she was not far from the border where they trained terrorists, and what if she got tropical diseases? Again I prayed. In between times, she went on mission trips with the Catholic campus ministry to Haiti, Honduras, Mexico and, with Project Esperanza, to the Dominican Republic. I admit, I paused for a moment when she pointed to a photo of herself holding a machete cutting down banana trees in Honduras, but I got over it. After all, she was OK and needed to have these experiences, right? I told people she was “my little missionary,” while inside I thanked God she had chosen St. Therese, patroness of missionaries, for her confirmation name. Our daughter’s missionary spirit and love for the poor that led her to Haiti as an undergraduate developed into clinical work there in medical school. Since her first medical trip to Haiti in 2009, volunteer
Family Life 2011
more than 5,000 patients. On the last day, we spent time in Port-au-Prince and followed her up a steep and winding trail where children and adults waited at the top for “Dokte Alison” and the most admirable team of students and physicians who I have ever known. Never worry about the youth of today. After seeing these “20-somethings,” I’m convinced we’re going to be OK when they take over. I guess I’ll be OK, too. I trust she’s doing the Lord’s work as I whisper a prayer and tuck a nostalgic, motherly reminder in her dresser drawer: “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6).
The author, left, with her daughter, Alison, in a recent photo.
teams have transported donated medical supplies over mountains in a commuter plane and treated
Smith is a correspondent for the Pittsburgh Catholic. Her family are members of North American Martyrs in Monroeville.
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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 25
College? Not now! What about a ‘gap’ year? By DR. JOAN HUBER BERARDINELLI The Sunday bulletin proclaims the collegebound 12th grade CCD alums, you’ve checked out campuses, chosen, mailed the check and forms, and now this. Trust me, with 43 years’ experience teaching freshmen, it’s not the end of the world; in fact, it can be a good thing. “Dr. Huber, when I was home I liked fixing cars. Why do I have to be an engineer?” asked a freshman one January at a Penn State campus that specialized in two-year technical degrees. At another school, one freshman explained his success, “My parents and I talked it over and decided I wasn’t ready for college, so I had a year off and now I want to be
here.” Several times 20-something high-achieving freshmen have said, “I just wasn’t ready for college right out of high school.” Motivation more than makes up for the . Indeed the “gap year” off between high school and college is becoming more common in this country, as Barbara Strauch observes in “The Primal Teen.” Think about it. If a student wasn’t fond of school for 12 years — ably studied in John Hall’s bestselling “How Children Fail” — he or she will dread college. Yet time out in the world, especially in one of the many programs available for the gap year, will usually lead to college. And freshmen
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who did Appalachian or other service projects, who nursed an ailing relative, or helplessly watched a peer succumb to drugs or bad company, also know the world needs them. Either a year of exploring or an intensive experience gives students motivation for college. They talk to the freshman composition instructor. Students also confided in me about their rejection of parental values. Ironically, a background that “gave them everything” and expects conformity to its standards can draw resentment from a teen whose values lie with the poor and needy. Kids don’t always express their feelings gracefully, but neither did St. Francis of Assisi. One student told me he liked talking with the Manila streetkids rather than with the offspring of his parents’ State Department friends. The former were more interesting. I think he’s the one who a dorm student in a small private college wrote a paper imagining himself into a U.S. homeless person’s morning. That gap year needn’t mean flipping burgers: the Catholic Volunteer Network lists opportunities for 18-year-olds. Placements take care of them, including medical and dental insurance, living quarters and a small stipend. The opportunities are neatly catalogued under CNVS’s website, or they’ll send you a paper catalog. (I shared one with a parish DRE.) We often bemoan societal values, the shrinking middle class, the increase in homeless shelters, food pantries and soup kitchens. Somehow we realize that we don’t need all the advertised products; we just don’t expect the radical truth to surface so close to home. Honestly, from a 38-year veteran of teaching, college — for those who see it as more than a mall crawl, freedom and four years of fun — is daunting. The student (aside from the 12-year-old who has already chosen a medical school) who wants to delay college, to think and be sure, is also one to be proud of. Huber Berardinelli is a retired college professor and volunteers at Catholic Charities.
Family LIfe 2011
Talking to teens about social media By MARILYN DUCK TULSA, Okla.(CNS) — The teens enter with eyes rolling, their bored expressions reflecting their disdain at the prospect of hearing another adult tell them something they shouldn’t do. The topic is the lifeblood of many teens’ lives — computer-generated communication — but their body language signals their contempt for what they are about to hear. Except they haven’t heard it Amanda Williams’ way. “I tell them I’m not here to lecture them. It’s a discussion, just letting them have the opportunity to be heard. So often teens feel they never are heard,” Williams said. She was talking about her efforts to share with young people what they need to know about possible pitfalls of social networking using technology. She talks to parents and educators, too. “I tell them things they didn’t know,” Williams said. “I showed them how with minimal information they have posted on their MySpace page, people within minutes can produce a map to their house, know the name of everyone in the household and what time their mom gets home from work,” she said. Although she and her husband have a 7-year-old, she said she feels at home with teenagers. “People find it frustrating to talk to young people, because they take forever to make a point and meander all over the place. But I’m the same way,” said Williams, 27, a graduate of Oklahoma State University who is studying for a master’s degree. It is now commonplace to hear warnings about the downsides of the Internet, cell phones, instant messaging and BlackBerry electronic organizers. But most presentations — including a report on the evening news — drive her batty, Williams said. She cited a story about a young girl who committed suicide in November after she was the victim of cyberbullying. “It wasn’t about using the Internet; it was Attention Deficit Disorder, depression, all these other things going on with that girl,” Williams said. “Porn is the same way. It’s what drives people to call it up on the computer that’s the problem. It’s an addiction.” She said research has shown that most computer interaction between peers is positive in terms of adolescent development. “It’s an excellent emotional outlet,”
Family Life 2011
Williams said. “They feel they can say things they wouldn’t normally say. They get feedback, and it’s usually a safe place for them to talk about these things.”
She said her own teen years prove that even the most dedicated parents cannot be sure their child is avoiding risky behavior. “I did some things on the Internet (my mom) never knew about,” Williams said. “Three or four times I think I should have been dead; like maybe the time the 40-yearold guy called me. But I could tell from his voice he was 40, so I knew to back off.” Social networking is but one of the disciplines in which she is becoming an expert. She earned a bachelor’s degree in human development and family science from Oklahoma State University-Tulsa and received a full scholarship for her master’s degree. Duck is magazine editor of the Eastern Oklahoma Catholic.
Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 27
John Paul put special emphasis on families Readers’ memories of late, great pope
“The family, when it fully lives the demands of love and forgiveness, becomes a solid bulwark of the civilization of love and hope for the future of humanity.”
Vatican City — November 2001 Message to the Pontifical Council for the Family
The Pittsburgh Catholic asked readers to share their stories of personal encounters with Pope John Paul II. Here are their faith-filled remembrances:
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When the Holy Father entered with several cardinals, I was mesmerized by a stunning white light emanating from his body. Only his body! It took quite awhile to realize it was the Holy Spirit! I asked some of the others whether they saw that light. “Nooo,” they said with a look. For years I told people about it, but one day God gave me the wisdom to understand who that stunning light was! — Martha Hilinski
“Many ask themselves: Why is the family so important? Why does the church insist so much on the theme of matrimony and the family? The reason is simple, even if not everyone succeeds in understanding it: On the family depends the destiny of man, his happiness, the ability to give meaning to his existence. “Man’s destiny depends on that of the family, and that it why I will not tire of affirming that the future of humanity is strictly tied to that of the family.’’
Vatican City - October 2001 Speaking on the family’s central role in society.
CNS photo Pope John Paul II administers the sacrament of baptism at the Vatican.
My personal encounter with Pope John Paul II was after his death. As I lay in the hospital bed as a patient, with my sixth bout with pneumonia, I
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watched Pope John Paul II’s funeral on the hospital TV. I knew in my heart, this good and holy man was a saint. I prayed for his help in my fight to stop smoking. I didn’t stop then, but in that year I did. Five and a half years later, I still am smoke-free, and I still pray to him. — Pauline Korotko In July 2002, I had a personal encounter with Pope John Paul II, along with 800,000 other young people in Toronto, Canada. As he passed through the crowd, blessing us in his popemobile, he seemed to have the ability to look directly into the eyes of every one of his “dear young friends.� He told us, “The pope still fully identifies with your hopes and aspirations ... I have heard your festive voices, your cries, your songs, and I have felt the deep longing that beats within your hearts: You want to be happy.� He gave us the secret to true happiness — living the beatitudes. In his sincere love for us, and his great hope in us, I saw the face of Christ. I know that I will always have in John Paul II a dear friend and a most powerful intercessor. Blessed John Paul II, pray for us! — Maria Stover Being in the presence of His Holiness, Pope John Paul II, was truly the most awesome experience of my life. This
occurred on the feast of Epiphany, Jan. 6, 1986, in St. Peter’s Basilica. The episcopal ordination of 12 priests, including my first cousin, now-Cardinal Donald Wuerl, was truly very meaningful, inspiring and overwhelming. The most special, moving moment for my immediate family and for me occurred when we received holy Communion from His Holiness. The day following the ordination ceremony, our entire group of 90 from Pittsburgh had an awe-inspiring audience with Pope John Paul II. Bishop Wuerl introduced each individual/family to the pope, and a formal picture was taken of each of us for L’Osservatore Romano. Following these amazing few minutes, we were escorted to another room where we each received a papal rosary. Then a group picture was taken with Pope John Paul II. — Mercy Sister Judith Wuerl
My mother-in-law, Violet Zajac, told me this story of how she met Cardinal Wojtyla: Father Stanley Skiba, a priest who had escaped from Poland, was residing at Assumption Parish, a Polish church across the street from my in-law’s grocery store in Buffalo, N.Y. He had been a classmate of Karol Wojtyla in the seminary in Krakow, and they were good friends, going on skiing trips and other activities together. Cardinal Wojtyla came to visit his friend in Buffalo one day, and Violet ran across the street to meet him. She introduced herself and explained that Father Skiba often came into their store. Cardinal Wojtyla told her that now his friend could safely return to Poland and visit his family. He asked her if she could speak Polish, which she could (a necessity as a businesswoman in this Polish neighborhood). Then he gave her his blessing. — Ginny Zajac
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Pittsburgh Catholic Magazine 31
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