Why Is Parenting So Incredibly Hard?

I had a rough day as a parent earlier this week. It wasn’t the first time, and I’m sure that it won’t be the last.

My wife and I have 5 kids, and we have fostered 16 other children for varying lengths of time. If I have learned anything over the 20 + years of my marriage, it is that parenting is incredibly hard.

I’m sure there are many reasons for that, but these 6 come immediately to mind. Parenting is incredibly hard, first of all:

BECAUSE KIDS ARE TERRIBLY SINFUL

Our culture thinks of children as innocent and impressionable, blank slates awaiting the external influences of education and culture. The Bible says something very different: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him”(Proverbs 22:15 ESV).

The Bible says that children come into the world already leaning in the direction of sin and rebellion. A fair bit of bad stuff comes preinstalled. Parenting is not ultimately about teaching right behaviours, it is about facilitating a right relationship. Your first job as a parent is to help your chil drelate to his or her Creator through the person of Jesus Christ.

You are an evangelist, and God hassent you a sinner.

That’s why parenting is so incrediblyhard.

BECAUSE CHANGE IS REMARKABLY SLOW

I feel like parenting would be easier if kids were better listeners and faster learners. I think I explain things brilliantly, and yet very little of what I say tends to result in positive action. I make a compelling case for the wisdom of starting each day with a clean room and a made bed. I tell stories about how professional athletes and military heroes learned this simple discipline a tan early age. I talk about great journey sand single steps, and then I wake up the next morning to a house full of sloth and stupid.

Was I not clear?

Why are we not getting this?

And the answer of course is that change is remarkably slow.

Parenting is the fine art of sayingthe same thing 10,000 times overthe course of 20 years without losingyour mind.

Change happens slowly. Bit by bit.Inch by inch. By one degree of glory tothe next.

This is a call for endurance.

BECAUSE I AM BREATHTAKINGLY SELFISH

I find myself getting angry as a parent, more often than not, because the sinfulness of my children and the slowness of their growth and development interferes with my desire for rest, respect and recreation.

I want to nap on Sunday afternoon. My children want to poke each other in the eye.

I also want to be well thought of, but my children like to misbehave in public.

I want to watch the hockey game, but inevitably, just before puck drop, someone comes downstairs for a glass of water, another story, or for some other mind-numbingly nonsensical excuse or reason.

And Daddy gets upset, because Daddy is really, really, tired and really, really selfish.

Of course I know that I won’t remember the score of this game three weeks from now, and I know that when I’m 75 years old I will care more about that glass of water or bedtime story than the fate of my beloved team, but still, Daddy really, really wants what he wants.

And that’s why parenting isincredibly hard.

BECAUSE THE CULTURE IS TRAGICALLY CONFUSED

We send our kids out into a world where people are confused about the most obvious and elemental aspects of reality. The people in our culture don’t even know which bathroom to use or whether to call someone ‘he’, ‘she’, ‘ze’ or ‘it’. The culture is seemingly engaged in a self-destructive, nihilistic spiral from which there will likely be no escape.

Sending your child out into thatworld is like tossing a sparrow into atornado. Disorientation and destructionis now assumed.

Jesus warned the disciples aboutthe corrosive and contagious effectof unbelief in the culture. He said:“Watch out; beware of the leaven of thePharisees” (Mark 8:15 ESV).

Charles Taylor, the famous Canadian philosopher, says in his book A Secular Age that over the last several generations the conditions for faith have changed dramatically in this culture. 500 years ago it was impossible not to believe. 200 years ago it was possible not to believe. Today, in most of the Western world it is virtually impossible to believe.

Our children are dealing withcultural and ideological influences thelikes of which have never been seen.

That is a major reason why parentingis so incredibly hard in this generation.

BECAUSE THE DEVIL IS DAMNABLY DISHONEST

Jesus said that the devil “is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44 ESV).

In the Garden of Eden he attacked the Word of God and seduced the man and woman into ruin. His game-plan has not been adjusted. He continues to stir up pride, lust, and rebellion by whispering sin and stupid into the minds and hearts of human beings.

And the devil is no gentleman. He goes after the weak, the vulnerable, and the young. He does not go on vacation. He never goes on strike. He never takes a day off. 24/7 he is whispering lies into the minds of our sons and daughters.

A recent study said that 63% of Canadian young people are now considered “high risk” for mental health disorders 1 . Our children are dealing with depression and anxiety in never-before-seen numbers. Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones, the author of Spiritual Depression says:

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?

The devil gets inside your child’s head and whispers lies and uncertainty. Our job as parents is to fill their headspace with the life giving Word of God. But our efforts are not uncontested.

BECAUSE PRAYER IS ENTIRELY FOREIGN

Prayer tends to be the thing we do after trying everything else. It has ever been thus. In Mark 9, Jesus has been away on a field trip up the mountain with three of his disciples. The other disciples have been left behind down in the valley to carry on as best they can. Apart from Jesus, they fare very poorly.

A desperate father brought his sick child to see if the disciples could help.

Apparently they tried, really hard, and failed.

Finally, Jesus comes back down the mountain and the desperate father was able to get his son before the Master. And Jesus did what Jesus does. He had compassion, and he brought mercy and help to the point of need. The boy was healed, restored, and returned to a grateful father.

Later, the disciples asked Jesus why they had failed so spectacularly in their efforts to help the child. Jesus said simply: “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer” (Mark9:29 ESV).

The disciples, apparently, didn’t have super powers. What they had was access to the Father because of their relationship with Jesus Christ. When they neglected that, they found themselves operating without power in a very hostile world.

Why is that lesson so very hard for us to learn?

We don’t have super powers.

We cannot save or sanctify our kids.

We cannot teach them out of their sin.

We cannot scold them out of their stupid.

We need grace and help from God!

We need to get our children before Jesus!

That is where every miracle beginsand that is where every believingparent eventually ends up.

Because parenting is desperatelyhard — and we need Jesus!

I’m not sure why we always come tothis last. After all, Jesus said: “Come tome, all who labor and are heavy laden,and I will give you rest” (Matthew11:28 ESV).

That sounds really good. That soundslike the perfect verse for parents.Because parenting is incredibly hard, butthanks be to God, Jesus is remarkablykind. He is large, and in charge, and hecares for little children.

Thanks be to God!

/ PAUL CARTER To listen to Paul’s Into The Word devotional podcast visit the TGC Canada website or find it on iTunes.