Father’s Day deserves same attention given to Mother’s Day

By Isaac Asabor

Without any iota of exaggeration, a father naturally shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she is old enough to begin dating. Again, if a father is strong and valiant, she will relate closely to men of the same character.

There is no denying the fact that parents are among the most important people in the lives of young ones as they right from birth keep learning and relying on their mothers and fathers as well as other caregivers acting in the parenting role, to protect and care for them and to chart a trajectory that promotes their overall well-being. Against the foregoing backdrop, it has been observed that while parents generally are filled with anticipation about their children’s unfolding personalities, many also lack knowledge about how best to provide for them. Without a doubt, becoming a parent is usually a welcomed milestone, but in some cases, parents’ lives are fraught with problems and uncertainty regarding their ability to ensure their child’s physical, emotional, or economic well-being.

Despite the fact that parents collectively take care of their children as they grow across the stages of kindergarten, adolescence, youthfulness, and adulthood, and even as God commands them to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12) and “Honor your father and mother”, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth,” (Ephesians 6:2-3), not a few of them become more bonded to their mothers to the detriment of their fathers, and as such honour them so much that the question about why children honour their mothers more than their fathers keeps resonating.

As a reader of this piece, you may have been lost in thought over the rationale behind the choice of this topic. Well, it is pragmatic that there are auspicious times to become apolitical, particularly to avoid stepping on toes, and also to talk about Mother’s Day, which is an annual holiday celebrated to honour and appreciate mothers, mother figures, and maternal bonds, and majorly celebrated on May 14 across the world. However, Mother’s Day is celebrated on different dates but in most countries, it is celebrated on the second Sunday in May. Therefore, the day will be celebrated on May 14 in 2023.In a similar vein, Father’s Day, which is observed on the third Sunday of June in most parts of the world, including Nigeria is also fast approaching, and it can be guesstimated in this context that not many fathers would be wished “Happy Father’s Day” unlike mother who are by each year showered with love on Mother’s Day. “Did I hear you say I am jealous or envious?” “Yes I am, but not in the caustic sense of being envious or jealous”. Dispassionately assimilating facts that are inherent in this opinion piece, the benefit of hindsight reveals that each year people across the globe celebrate the love and the sacrifices that a father does for a child. However, contrary to the global practices that are associated with Father’s Day, we in Nigeria sometime forget to acknowledge fatherhood thereby ignoring the bond between father and child. But for Mother’s Day, the opposite is the case.

For the sake of clarity, it is expedient to say that Father’s Day is a day to celebrate fatherhood and a day for children and their mothers to recognize the person that is first and foremost their source of inspiration, adviser, and supporter in life. Without being prejudicial, permit me to offer a few reasons in this context why Father’s Day is not given attention in this part of the world as much when compared to Mother’s Day.

At this juncture, it is expedient to confess that as Mother’s Day is only a week away from now that it was apropos for this writer to do a random survey of a cross-section of people of diverse social backgrounds, and genders, on why they so much love their mothers that they sometimes seemingly forget that there is a man called a Father.

In as much as there maybe some exceptions to the findings gathered for the purpose of this piece, the facts and statistics vastly prove that mothers are honoured above fathers in our culture. The following are only a few of the reasons why mothers are more loved and bonded with than fathers.

First and foremost, when it comes to the relationship of a mother with a child compared to that of its father, the mother has an advantage in intimacy with the child, due to the fact that it is in her womb that the child is conceived and grows until the time of birthing. It is at this early stage of life that a maternal bond is formed and will continue to grow between the mother and the baby she is carrying in her womb.

The second reason is that mothers are always there for their children regardless of the situation or circumstance. This is one of the reasons cited by most of the people I parleyed with. In various ways of saying it, almost all of the people that I interviewed said that of their two parents, it was their mother who was the one who seemed to always be there regardless of what they were involved in or going through.

Thirdly, in a similar vein, not a few of the respondents were unanimous in their views that mothers are more compassionate and caring. Despite the fact that having and showing compassion and care transcends gender, race, and culture, it is widely agreed that one of the reasons children give more honor to their mothers than their fathers is because mothers gave them more compassion and tender loving care when they were growing up. In most cases, mothers are still their primary sources of encouragement, compassion, and care even when children are grown, married, and out on their own.

Another factor that can be attributed to why children love their mothers the most is that they are more sacrificially disposed to any endeavor their children chose to be engaged in. In fact, it is not an exaggeration to say that there is no inference that can be drawn in this context to explanatorily buttress the foregoing view other than to say that in 2019 that the then-acting Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Ibrahim Magu, once lamented that mothers of cyber fraudsters, popularly known as Yahoo boys, unashamedly organized themselves into an association. Again, unlike fathers, mothers never stop loving their children.

Personally, I have heard of fathers getting upset and disappointed in their sons or daughters to the extent of not speaking to them. Worse, I have heard of fathers whose love for any of their children turned into hatred and hostility because their child had shamed the family by committing some detestable, wicked, and illegal act. Contrarily, I have yet to meet a mother who stopped loving her son or daughter because of his or her depravity or rebellion. I have seen mothers hurt and broken-hearted by the stubbornness and defiance of their children, but the flame of love in them hardly goes out.

It is advisable at this juncture to say that anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. The reason for the foregoing view cannot be farfetched as fathers play various nurtural roles in the lives of their children that cannot be filled by others, particularly by foster fathers. Naturally, a fatherly role can have a large impact on a child and help shape him or her into the person he or she aspires to become. At this juncture, it is expedient to advise children that fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being, that they should be looking up to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them,and that they also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional.

Not only that, children should always make their fathers proud as they contribute in no small way to their inner growth and strength. The reason for the foregoing advice cannot be farfetched as studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence. Thus, not only should children honour their fathers the same way they honour their mothers, but they should also have it at the back of their minds always that fathers set the bar for relationships with others, even as daughters depend on their fathers for security and emotional support.

Without any iota of exaggeration, a father naturally shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she is old enough to begin dating. Again, if a father is strong and valiant, she will relate closely to men of the same character. Unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their fathers’ character, boys model themselves after their father’s character.

In a similar vein, boys will seek approval from their fathers from a very young age. As human beings, we grow up by imitating the behaviour of those around us; that is how we learn to function in the world. If a father is caring and treats people with respect, the young boy will grow up much the same. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures to set the “rules” for how to behave and survive in the world. Therefore, as we look forward to the celebration of Father’s Day on Sunday, June 18, 2023,children should not forget to tell their fathers or daddies, thus: “Dad I love you, and thanks for being there!”

Isaac Asabor is a Public Affairs Analyst.