Mom's We're Imperfect & It's Ok

"When we expect perfection from ourselves, we often come to expect it from our kids, because having perfect kids is vital to the facade of being a perfect mom."

Moms, we're imperfect & it's ok!

YOUR VALUE IS UNMEASURABLE

By Kimberly Blaker

“I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”—Mitch Albom

As moms, we all know Albom's statement is unequivocally true. We feel it through, and through from the moment our children are born. Our love and devotion to our kids are evident in daily selfless acts of caring for and raising our kids and in most of our interactions with them. Even after they're grown, our deep love and concern for them endure.

We don't always recognize or give ourselves credit for all we do for our kids (and sometimes to our frustration, they don't either). Even many of the mistakes we make along the way are the result of loving, honorable intentions. Admittedly, we do also sometimes falter despite our love for our children. After all, we're only human. But when we do err with our kids, particularly in ways we know better, we're often our own harshest critics.

The thing is, despite the depth of our love for our kids and the plethora of child guidance material at our fingertips, the answers to raising kids aren't always so black and white. Add to that, every mom has her own unique combination of childhood and life experiences, temperament, and personality, among other factors that affect her decisions and behaviors in parenting. Even the unique characteristics of each of our own children play a role in this dynamic.

Basically, all moms have strengths and weaknesses. In most ways, we totally rock at being a mom. In some areas, we have to work a little harder. And, for most of us, there's probably an area or two where we may downright stink, harsh as it may sound. Inevitably, it's the areas in which we don't excel that we often use to compare ourselves to other moms we perceive to be perfect. Then we browbeat ourselves.

All this makes me think back to being a kid and playing house and with dolls. In role-playing a mom, kids mimic to their dolls (or siblings and friends who are playing the part of their children), what they experience and witness at home with their own moms. We've likely seen our own children do the same.

From this, we can glimpse how we, as kids began to formulate ideas on how to be a mom or dad. We've all probably watched our own children in awe over what tender, loving little moms (or dads) they are to their baby dolls. It's inspiring and tells you what a great job you've done. But then, the completely unexpected happens. Your child slips in one of your less than proud moments of being a mom. Ouch!

Photos courtesy of Pixa Bay

As we grow, we develop independent ideas on the best ways to mom, based on our own experiences, what we've seen in other families or on television, and our personalities. So we formulate what the perfect mom looks like.

My mom, for example, played a significant role in the formation of my own mom style. When my sisters and I were young, she was very involved and provided us plenty of enrichment and fun. We did crafts, played games, had parties and sleepovers, took trips to the library, went for walks and bike rides, and so much more. My mom was also a Camp Fire Girls leader for my younger sisters, and I got to be her big helper. My mom cooked, baked, and kept a clean home. She also taught me about money, responsibility, generosity, kindness, and so many other valuable lessons, skills, and traits.

Still, like any other mom, she was imperfect. I knew the ways I wanted to be different or better. So when my kids were born, I let these lessons guide me in parenting my own kids. Throughout their childhood, I strove to be the best mom I could be. Actually, I was a perfectionist. Despite all this, I still fell far short of being a perfect mom. As a result, I did my fair share of berating myself, even after my kids had grown.

That's especially easy to do when we watch other moms, who, from the outside, seem so ideal. Add to that, because of our deep love for our kids, it's painful when we fail them.

Thankfully, now that my kids are grown, my mom has set me straight. She often points out what a great mom I've been. She's always amazed by my patience with my kids (though admittedly, there were times it ran thin and still does). But as I mentioned, moms are particularly good at noticing in others the traits they lack.

This makes me think about what I notice in my own daughter, who's now raising two young kids. I always admire how much time she spends just cuddling them. I've always wished I had done better

with that. Not that we never cuddled. I've just never been good at relaxing or sitting still for long.

The point is each and every mom is wonderful in her own ways. No two moms are alike – and none of us is perfect. In fact, always striving to be a perfect mom, which is unattainable, can undermine being the best moms we can be. When we become focused on perfection and comparing ourselves to those we see as ideal moms, we lose sight of what's most important.

When we expect perfection from ourselves, we often come to expect it from our kids, because having perfect kids is vital to the facade of being a perfect mom. That's not only unrealistic; it's unhealthy for our kids because it teaches them to be perfectionists. Then they also fail to learn selfacceptance.

So am I saying we shouldn't try to be better moms? Of course not. What I'm getting at is moms need to recognize their own strengths and value themselves for who they are. While striving to improve your weaknesses, don't expect perfection, and practice self-forgiveness and selfacceptance. Rather than shooting for an unobtainable goal, focus on being the best mom you can be.

Despite the imperfections of every mom, there's one thing moms of all ages and generations have in common. It's true, ideals and parenting methods change over time as society evolves, new knowledge is gained, and information becomes more accessible. But two things have and will always remain constant – a mother's deep love and unfailing devotion to her kids – and her unsurpassable value to them throughout their lives. 

Schisler Museum of Wildlife & Natural History McMunn Planetarium

East Stroudsburg University of Pennsylvania

Wildlife exhibits and planetarium shows for explorers of all ages! and planetarium

Hoeff ner Science & Technology Center

Normal Street & Ransberry Avenue East Stroudsburg, PA 18301

570.422.2705

esu.edu/museum

Dr. William Martin

ChiropraCtiC

It’s Easier to Stay Well than to Get Well

Maintain your Health through Chiropractic

About the writer...

Kimberly Blaker is a parenting and lifestyle freelance writer. She also writes a blog, The Young Gma's Guide to Parenting at www.theyounggma.com

1015 Congdon ave. Stroudsburg, pa 18360

570-421-2977

Adjusting to the Flow of Health