1 minute read
Predictions for 2020
Last Word
WITH PIETA WOLLEY | pieta@prliving.ca
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1. Greta 2.0
The youth environmental activists of 2020 will remind the former youth environmental activists of 2010, 2000 and 1990 that they should really get on with it and halt climate change, or we’ll all have to face the youth environmental activists of 2030 and 2040.
2. Produce pain
Canada’s year-old marijuana law has not been profitable for growers. So TILT’s new facility by the mill instead produces a substance so desired and so expensive, it’ll justify the $14 million investment in the building: fruits & vegetables.
3. You know who you are
The mouthiest five members of the Facebook group Powell River Concerns, Opinions & Solutions create a morning TV show modelled on The View. Everyone watches it; no one admits it. It gets nominated for an Emmy.
4. In City Hall’s dreams
Powell River’s median age will go down, and median income will go up, reversing decades of trends. The New Year’s day baby diaper race replaces the polar bear swim.
5. Peace at last
After he loses the 2020 election and most of his fortune, Donald and Melania move north to join the aging draft dodgers in Lund. “You had to leave your country to stay out of the army!” the 74-year-old tells anyone who will listen at Nancy’s Bakery. “But check out these bone spurs!”
6. The biggest news story of 2020
Dairy Queen re-opens in Powell River.
7. Batteries not included
Dollarama wins the contract to supply batteries to the new electric ferry serving Texada Island. Passengers enjoy the savings. But the batteries wear out 10 minutes into the voyage. Every. Single. Time.
8. 2020’s obvious local food sustainability solution
Canada geese.
9. You’ve got gas
After we find out who’s been outrageously profiting from our gas supply, they’ll be forced to donate enough cash to build a monorail from Saltery Bay to Lund.
10. The pompous police
The words “curate” and “intention” are officially fired from the English language.
2020 - The Year Of ...Pantone’s 2020 Colour of the Year is “Classic Blue.”Merriam-Webster’s 2020 Word of the Year is “They.”
The World Health Organization names 2020 “Year of the Nurse and the Midwife.”
The United Nations (for its 75th anniversary) names 2020 the “International Year of Plant Health.”
In Chinese tradition, 2020 is the “Year of the White Metal Rat.”
