Last Word

From here to there: I did it!

I’ve never thought of myself as an anxious person, so I was surprised when I began to feel increasingly worried at the thought of driving to Chilliwack on my own to attend a dog show last month.

I hadn’t driven in the Lower Mainland in over four years, as I more often go to Vancouver Island these days. Although driving in the Lower Mainland has never been my favourite thing to do, I’d never lost sleep about it before.

I tried to figure out why I was feeling so jittery; why I had such a lack of confidence in my ability to drive and to find my hotel and the dog show park. I figured there were probably a few issues at play.

One, more than a few years had passed since I’d driven in heavy traffic, and I was feeling less than confident in my ability to navigate the crazy, busy traffic of the Lower Mainland. Two, I’m pushing 60, and I felt uncomfortable at the thought of doing this on my own. Who would help me if I were in an accident? Or got lost? Three, because of COVID, my world has shrunk in the past 20 months and my self-confidence has shrunk right along with it.

I realized that some of the things I used to do that pushed me in different areas of my life had gone by the wayside.

I hadn’t attended a group fitness class in a very long time, I hadn’t competed in any running events in years, and I hadn’t gone anywhere besides Vancouver Island since I can’t remember when. I also hadn’t been involved in Toastmasters and competed in any speech competitions (always a good way to step out of your comfort zone) for several years. Come to think of it, the only way outside of work that I’ve challenged myself recently is by being at the end of my dog’s leash while navigating Rally Obedience courses and competing in dock diving this summer.

This lack of growth was sowing seeds of doubt. I know that anxiety is a normal reaction to uncertainty and we build confidence when we set goals and achieve them. What I didn’t know was that when we lack confidence, we lose trust in our own judgment and abilities

I finally understood why I was feeling so anxious; I didn’t trust myself.

I’d lost my confidence.

It was time to find it again.

Once I understood why I was feeling anxious over my upcoming trip, I felt better prepared to deal with it. After all what could happen?

“You could get lost,” the little voice inside my head said.

“I could, but then I could find my way again,” I replied.

“You could be in an accident,” the voice continued.

“Yes,” I said. “That’s why I have vehicle insurance.”

I looked at my route map, programmed it in on my GPS, checked the ferry schedule, gassed up, packed, got the dog ready and took a deep breath. I was ready.

The drive was long but it wasn’t nearly as dreadful as I thought it would be. It was dark and a bit rainy. I didn’t arrive until 11pm and I’m pretty sure I white-knuckled the steering wheel the whole way there, but once I got going it was really no big deal. I realized that I’d blown it way out of proportion by worrying about it and making it seem much more difficult than it actually was.

The interesting thing about this drive was, once I arrived and breathed a sigh of relief, I felt incredibly proud of myself for having done this on my own. It may seem silly but that one trip helped me regain something I’d lost–my confidence. Accomplishing something I was nervous about doing, and being able to put a big check beside it because I did it, has helped me trust me once again! | isabelle@prliving.ca

Isabelle Southcott