4 minute read
For many of us, grief is a part of Mother's Day
by Sean Percy
BY ARIEL TURCOTTE
How do you spend Mother’s Day when your child has died?
This will be our fifth Mother’s Day without our only child, Hayden. He was killed when a 74-year-old man ran a stop sign. His girlfriend Maddy was taken off life support five days later. His best bud, Tyrell, was in the back seat and sustained a broken shoulder, fractured pelvis and bit through his tongue. He is learning how to live the best life he can.
I never expected to be writing this story, however I have chosen to help those in grief with the death of their children. I honour Hayden’s life every day by doing this.
Mother’s Day can be a sad day for many. Possibly your mother has died, possibly you have never been a mother, possibly you are estranged from your mother or possibly you feel a huge hole in your heart where your child was and he called you “Mom”.
When Hayden first died, I saw my doctor, who was our family doctor and I told her about Hayden’s death. I said “I am no longer a mom.” She replied “You are always Hayden’s mom; he is just not here on earth in a physical body anymore.”
That really resonated with me. I am blessed to be Hayden’s mom; I am blessed that he picked me to be his mom. He will always be my son and I will always be his mom.
The first Mother’s Day was so heavy, we were in the midst of COVID lockdowns. I felt there was nothing to celebrate and I was lost.
Hayden’s friends called, brought flowers and hanging baskets and other friends called too. For the last two Mother’s Days, we have spent some cherished time at Holy Cross Cemetery in Kelly Creek where The Powell River Compassionate Friends have a memorial garden. It is the most beautiful place. I call it our fairy garden.
We bereaved parents have gathered there to honour our children who are no longer with us. Last year I painted inspirational messages on rocks for our garden and we each placed one in a special spot in the garden.
We take flowers to plant, tidy the garden and share our memories of our children. It truly is a special way to celebrate our children that are no longer with us on our special day, Mother’s Day.
This year we will be doing the same with an addition. The Powell River Compassionate Friends has a bench by our garden donated by a parent. We have had plaques made for our children and will be placing these on the bench.
If you are looking for ideas of how to help another bereaved parent here are a few suggestions:
You could message or call them and say, “Just thinking of you and Hayden (for example).”
Maybe share a favourite memory you have of their child. Just as you enjoy talking about your child or children so do bereaved parents. Even though our children are not here, they are always on our minds.
You could place a potted plant on their doorstep with a nice card.
It really is very simple to bring a smile to a bereaved parent’s face – even if only for a while. We love that you think of us. Know that even though it is my fifth Mother’s Day without my child I still miss Hayden’s big hugs and special smile.
Are you the parent of a child who has died?
If you would like to order a plaque or just come and join us for a special Mother’s Day at the garden on Sunday May 12th, please contact The Powell River Compassionate Friends at powellrivertcf@gmail.com for more information. As well please look us up on Facebook, The Powell River Compassionate Friends.
We have monthly sharing meetings on the 4th Tuesday of each month. Our next meeting is Tuesday, May 28th.
If you know of someone whose child has died, please tell them about The Powell River Compassionate Friends.
The Powell River Compassionate Friends Society is a registered charity and issues receipts for donations.
