POZPLANET Magazine (January 2023)

Telling People You Have HIV

Written by José Carlos Mejía Asserias REPOSTED and taken from

www.aidsmap.com

Image: Domizia Salusest | www.domiziasalusest.com

A ‘sense of obligation’, ‘situational disclosure’ and ‘partners responsibility’ are the three main factors that gay men living with undetectable HIV consider when disclosing their HIV status to sexual partners, according to a new study in the journal Culture,Healthand Sexuality . The study by Grant Roth and colleagues at Emory University also shows how these gay men consider U=U, HIV criminalisation laws and finding partners online when they make decisions about sharing their status.

In the US, 70% of gay and bisexual men living with HIV are virally suppressed within six months of their diagnosis. The fact that these men can’t pass on HIV to their sexual partners is likely to affect decisions to talk about their HIV status. However, most existing disclosure studies focus on men who were not virally suppressed or were conducted before the U=U message was widespread globally. The new study tries to understand the

In the era of U=U, disclosure still feels like a ‘grey messy area’ for gay men living with HIV in the US

multiple personal and structural factors that influence the disclosure process of undetectable gay men in the US.

In August 2020, the research team conducted in-depth semi-structured interviews via Zoom with 20 undetectable gay men, exploring how they balance cognitive, contextual interpersonal and structural factors when making decisions about sharing their HIV status in sexual contexts.

The study recruited participants from all regions of the country. Their ages ranged from 23 to 62 years (average 38 years old), and the time since HIV diagnosis ranged from 2 to 34 years (average 12 years). The participants included eleven White, two Black, three Hispanic/Latino, one American Indian, and three mixed race participants.

Analysis started with a model developed in a study published a decade ago. This evaluated two cognitive factors (cost of disclosure and moral beliefs) and three contextual factors (partner HIV assumptions, location of sexual activity and sexual risk behaviour). Roth and colleagues identified three new factors that influence disclosure amongst undetectable gay men: sense of obligation, situational disclosure, and partners’ responsibility in the disclosure process.

Sense of obligation

Disclosureto consent was important for many participants. Some felt it was ‘ethical’ or the ‘right thing to do’ allowing others to consent to sex knowing their HIV status. They wanted to ‘give others that choice’ that they felt they did not have when they acquired HIV.

Some felt that partners ‘deserved to know’. Telling them was a way to avoid guilt and shame, avoid an internal struggle and get internal peace even when they knew they couldn’t pass HIV on. This was particularly relevant if they thought there was potential for a long-term relationship.

Some felt that U=Upre-emptedobligation : they saw telling others as not being necessary. "[I]justdon’tsee howtherehasto bea conversationhad,iftheperson who’sundetectable knowsthey’reundetectable,knowstheycan’ttransmit.”[23-years-old; 4 years since diagnosis].

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The reasons for withholding this conversation were linked to privacy and avoiding stigmatising interactions. These participants saw HIV as private information and used nondisclosure in a self-protective way to avoid rejection, judgment, stereotyping.

Situational disclosure

For participants, decisions around disclosing varied depending on the situation they were in. Emotional closeness, varied HIV knowledge, condomless sex or how they met partners were all factors considered.

Emotionalproximityto apartner was a factor in their decision-making. Participants considered the strength, longevity and emotional closeness in a relationship and tended to discuss HIV less frequently with one-time sexual partners than to those with some potential to meet again. In romantic relationships, disclosing was seen as the ‘authentic’ and ‘honest’ thing to do.

“Ifit’sarelationship-basedconversation…disclosureisimportantbecausethat’sgoingto besomethingthatisgoingto continueto affectyour life…Butinthequickhook-up scenario,it’sofvery littleimportanceto thegrandschemeofthings,[being] undetectable…It’saverygrey,verymessy area…”[36-years-old, 18 years since diagnosis].

The locationofsex was another factor considered. Participants were less likely to disclose in geographical areas where they perceived a lower level of HIV knowledge and education. They wanted to avoid having to ‘give a lesson’ around HIV to the man they disclosed to or getting into ‘high-risk situations’ in relation to HIV criminalisation.

Sex on-premises venues were not seen as conducive to talking about HIV; not telling others in this setting was seen as ‘kind of okay’ when there was no risk of passing HIV on. Participants mentioned being in the heat of the moment, not knowing the partner and alcohol or drug use.

“Doyou thinkI’mtellingpeopleat a bathhouse?No…Idon’tthinkit’stherightmoment… you’rethereforapurpose. Ithinkwe arelongenoughinterms ofeducationthatwe should knowgoingto a sex clubandwhatrisksthatbrings…you’rethereto kindofdoyourthing andthenleave…Ijustthinkthementalityofgoingto a sex clubor a bathhouseisdifferent thana hook-up.”[43-years-old; 19 years since diagnosis].

For participants, disclosure was dependent on the risklevelofsexualactivity . Some saw oral sex as ‘not being a big deal’ and not requiring disclosure, whereas condomless anal sex was seen as higher risk, therefore it was ethically important to disclose and give partners a choice.

“Ifwe’rejustgonna…exchangeoralsex, like,fine,not abigdeal.Butifwe’regonnaactually doanalthenyeah…Ithink[HIVstatusis]probablya conversationthatshouldbehad.”[23years-old; 4 years since diagnosis]

HIV was often a topicofconversationon hook-upapps. For some disclosing HIV status in their profile was ‘easier’ and avoided ‘awkward conversations’ – participants did not know when they were rejected due to HIV, which protected their emotional well-being. Others prefered to use the chat function where the conversation was often prompted by discussions on sexual preferences, safer sex practices and/or sexual health. Not telling people about their HIV status through their profiles, or delaying the conversation in chats, was a way for some participants to limit and control access to this information. Decisions about how to disclose in these apps were related to giving other users a choice, avoiding rejection or stigmatising interactions, and ensuring they only shared their status once they received a confirmation that sex would occur

Partners responsibility in the disclosure process

Some interviewees said that partners shouldask(iftheywant toknow) , rather than relying on men living with HIV to start these conversations. Many participants disclosed when asked, but did not make the information readily available. They thought that partners not asking meant they are willing to assume the risk (which in their case is non-existent).

“Iwouldsay since[I’m]undetectable,itshouldbeup to theotherperson to askthe question…you don’tnecessarilyhaveto[disclose]sincethedangerisn’tthereso tospeak, right?Soiftheotherperson wants to askthequestion,itshouldbeup to themto askthe question.”[48-years-old; 20 years since diagnosis].

Others said discussing HIV should be a sharedresponsibility – in theory. But these participants felt that because of their status, and stigmatising views around it, they carry

the burden of telling others. In reality, HIV criminalisation laws placed the onus of disclosure on the partner living with HIV.

“IfI’mtalkingaboutaperfectworld,it’sbothparties’responsibilityto havethat conversationto talkabout[HIVstatus].Andyouprotectyourselfandit’stheotherperson’s responsibilitytoprotect themselves.ButIdon’tthink…witha lotofgayguys, that’sthe way itworks.IthinktheexpectationisthattheHIV-positiveindividualhasto disclose…. AndIthinkthat’sageneralsocietalthing,too.”[59-years-old; 34 years since diagnosis]. Some participants were aware that the law sees people living with HIV as a ‘biological danger’. Even when there was no risk of transmission, some told others because ‘criminalisation laws are still on the books’. But others were less willing to disclose because of their undetectable status.

“Ishouldn’thavetoworry aboutgoingtojailifIknowI’mnotgonna transmitmy virusto anyone. Justbecausewe are bothconsentingadults,you knowwhatImean?”[23-yearsold; 4 years since diagnosis]

Conclusion

The study shows the importance of having a nuanced conversation around hook-up apps, HIV criminalisation and structural stigma. It provides an argument in support of decriminalising HIV, expanding HIV education, and increasing awareness and acceptance of U=U. Undetectable gay men are still burdened with the disconnect between how the law conceives the risk of HIV transmission and the fact that effective treatment means the level of HIV in their blood is so low that they cannot pass it on sexually.

References

Roth GH et al. ‘It’saverygrey,verymessy area’:aqualitativeexaminationoffactorsinfluencing undetectablegay men’sHIVstatus disclosureto sexualpartners. Culture, Health & Sexuality, online ahead of print, 13 June 2022.

DOI: 10.1080/13691058.2022.2086708

EVENT LINK: https://10times.com/e1r3-x4p2-s4fk

EVENT LINK: https://10times.com/global-language-and-culture-conference

EVENT LINK: https://10times.com/hiv-medicine

EVENT LINK: https://10times.com/e1r3-94k8-xgdh

Ashley: “I was diagnosed in February of 2015. My Mom went with me into a health clinic to be tested. I found out my ex had HIV and realized that I needed to be tested. He told me he was on meds, and he was not. The nurse did a self-test with me, and it came back positive. Then they did bloodwork and told me that I would have another appointment and be given more information. I was numb because even though I knew I might have it; I didn’t believe it. They told me that I was going to be ok. I was 25. The clinic nurse suggested that I reach out to an HIV agency and a person from there took me to my appointment. The nurse explained my diagnosis and where I could go for treatment. They gave me the CATIE information. I talked to another woman living with HIV who gave me lots of good information. She helped me understand that I could have a child and about U=U. I was in a daze at first, but my healthcare team gave me all the information I needed. I’ve had family members who asked ’Are you going to die? If I hug you, will I get it?’ (This family member’s mother) works in the nursing field. It’s not something that is talked about. After I had my daughter, she was in NICU, and they gave me my own bathroom because they were worried about me. I took it to heart. It was frustrating to me. My obstetrician was well informed about HIV and ensured that I had a vaginal delivery, instead of a caesarean. She kept track of my viral load, and I was on (HIV) meds, and my daughter was on (HIV) meds. My daughter is now healthy and born without HIV. I had an abscess and went to the hospital, and they didn’t believe that I was undetectable and asked how I could know that. I had to educate them about HIV. I don’t understand why healthcare providers don’t know about HIV.”

Ashley’s story gives me hope. She was connected to care immediately after her diagnosis. The clinic nurse gave her information immediately about where to go for support so that at her next visit she was able to bring someone to support her. She was given information about where to turn for more information, eg: CATIE (Community AIDS Treatment Information Exchange). She was able to connect with peer support who told her about U=U and pregnancy so that she was able to have a healthy baby. And yet, stigma persists. She has been treated badly by family. She

has been treated with ignorance by healthcare professionals who should know this information. When someone is sick and vulnerable is not when they should have to be educating their healthcare providers about their diagnosis. It has been over 40 years since HIV was first described and yet there are still healthcare professionals who are woefully ill informed and enacting stigma on people living with HIV when they are at their most vulnerable and need support.

Kim: “I had health issues starting in 2002. I had diarrhea, my balance was off, I was dropping things. I had never been sick like that. In 2011, my doctor said, ‘We’ve tested you for everything except HIV and Hepatitis C, so we’ll test you for that.’ It took 3 months for me to get the test results. The person who told me was a locum because my doctor was on holidays. I was in shock, but I didn’t talk to him because I didn’t know him. He gave me the phone number to (the local HIV clinic). As I was leaving, he wiped down the seat I was in with bleach. My partner was tested. The nurse said to my partner ‘You’re ok; you don’t have it’. After he found out he wasn’t positive, he beat me up when we got home. I went to the (HIV clinic for support) and they didn’t give me counseling or anything. They set me up with a social worker and she was no help. She told me not to apply for AISH. They sent me to a psychiatrist who told me within 10 minutes to “get out of my head”. The doctor at (the local HIV clinic) laughed at me when I asked about lipodystrophy that was happening and the severe diarrhea and nausea I was having. I asked for a different doctor, and they gave me one. No one told me about the local (HIV organization). I went on the internet and Googled supports for HIV in 2011. I went to (the local HIV organization) and I knew the woman doing intake for people living with HIV. They wrote letters of support for my AISH application. I got involved as a volunteer, condom packing and cooking lunches on Fridays for people living with HIV. I went wherever they needed help at events. We went on outings and everyone living with HIV attended. Unfortunately, they have stopped providing supports to people living with HIV. They stopped having people living with HIV do the lunches. In 2015, they started allowing people who are not HIV positive to access services for people living with HIV, like hampers. There is no other place for people living with HIV to go for support.”

“I was outed on the streets by my ex-partner as being HIV positive. He even called my father in another province. A woman who helped a lot of people downtown, ‘Hey, Kim, I hear you got f*&kin’ AIDS’. This was within the first 6 months of being diagnosed so it was pretty scary. I figured then and there that I was going to help people. I didn’t have money, but I could give my time. I went to my chiropractor and told him that I have HIV and he said, “Oh my god, how many partners have you had?” In 2013, I go to sign housing papers, and I went to shake the woman’s hand and she jumped back and said, ‘We are not allowed to have any contact with any of our clients.’ In 2015, I was trying to get into my apartment and slipped on the stairs, and my forehead hit the ground. I had passed out. A neighbour helped me into her apartment and called an ambulance. Neither of the EMS people had gloves on so I told them I am HIV positive. They then called the fire department to lift me out to the ambulance. Once I got into the ambulance, they didn’t try to clean me up. One of them told my neighbour ‘You better get tested; she has HIV’. They got to the hospital, and they took me off the stretcher and left me in a wheelchair. I was going in and out of consciousness. I watched as they took my file and put it

to the bottom of their pile over and over. After about an hour and a half I saw myself in the mirror and was covered in blood, so I went to wash my face. They finally saw me after 3 hours before anyone talked to me. They gave me meds for pain and sent me for x-rays. The ER doc came in and looks at me ‘So Kim, how did you contract HIV?’ and I’m there for a broken ankle and a head wound. The x-rays came back from my ankle and my ankle is smashed. The next day in the afternoon they got me in for surgery. No one had looked at my head. They brought my HIV meds, but they were the wrong ones. I had my friend bring me my bubble pack. They told me “You can’t do that”. What was I supposed to do? Not take my meds? I was there for 5 days and was not allowed to shower. I felt like I was treated like I was some kind of alien. I went for physio while I was there and when I told him how I was being treated, he was shocked. I signed myself out of the hospital and he drove me home. I wrote a letter to my MLA. I wrote a letter to the hospital. I wrote a letter to the EMS. A support person from (the local ASO) offered to help and I heard nothing afterward from them. The EMS called me and said it was a ‘he said, she said’. They did not believe me. No one else contacted me.”

Where do I start? So much with Kim’s life is sad. It took 9 years, when she was symptomatic, for them to finally test her for HIV. She has told me that she had been tested for other STIs and had assumed that they had also tested her for HIV. They hadn’t. She is lucky to be alive. Why did it take 3 months for her to get her results? It doesn’t take that long to get a test for HIV, especially in 2002. Her doctor has admitted that she did not test her because she did not see her as being at risk. We have to stop this narrative of their being risk groups. Everyone is at risk for HIV. People are falling through the cracks. Why are people being given their diagnosis by people who are not prepared to do the proper post test counseling? Why was such an ignorant health care professional allowed to give Kim her results? She was beaten by her partner for testing positive for HIV and was given no support from the HIV clinic. Why wouldn’t they at least refer her to a support organization for battered women? She went to a social worker and psychiatrist, both of whom did not help her, even though they were both from the HIV clinic. She was laughed at by the doctor at the HIV clinic when she tried to talk about the well-known side effects, she was having from the HIV medications. Thankfully, she was able to switch doctors, but not everyone will ask to switch. They will just not go back. She has given so much of herself to her local HIV organization and yet they have now abandoned her. As she says, “There is no other place for people living with HIV to go for support.” She has often talked about how there are tons of supports in her city for people who use drugs. But direct support for HIV used to exist at only one organization and now they are divesting themselves of that responsibility. This is directly a result of the government deciding that community organisations would no longer be funded for direct support. They said that people living with HIV can go to their doctor for support. Really? Last I checked, my doctor has 20 minutes to see me, and we can barely get through the most important things when I’m there: what is my CD4, what is my viral load, how am I doing with my meds? There is no time for support and the social worker at the clinic is equally overloaded.

Kim’s experiences with stigma are heart wrenching. She was outed by her ex to strangers when she was vulnerable and living on the streets. She was scared and alone. No one told her about supports at her local HIV organization. Here she was dealing with all this trauma, and she

decided she was going to give back. Amazing! A chiropractor, a woman at a housing agency, EMS personnel, healthcare providers, doctors…all people who should know better and they did nothing but stigmatise her. She wanted to complain about how she was treated at the hospital, but no one would help her with the complaint. Do you know how hard it is to write a letter of complaint? I do after I was treated very badly by a nurse. She eventually took it upon herself to write three in hopes of there being a resolution. There wasn’t. She is still very involved in the community, trying to make the world a better place for people living with HIV. I sometimes wonder how. Most people would have just walked away and yet she started and heads up a support organisation for people living with HIV. She is an inspiration.

All of these stories have similar threads: what matters is connection, what matters is being connected with the right people when you need the support, what matters is people educating themselves, so they don’t make our lives harder with their ignorance, what matters is people caring for others in a compassionate way. Is all this so difficult to ask for? Women need women centred care. We are not asking for the same myriad of supports that exist for gay, bi and men who have sex with men. We are 1/3 of new diagnoses (assuming we are being tested equally, which we are not), how about 1/3 of services are specific to women? If your local HIV organisation doesn’t have women centred support, ask them why. We have to do better.

POZPLANET Magazine would like to highlight articles about our heterosexual HIV+ readers. In fact, if you have any feedback we would like to hear from you. Contact us at our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/PozplanetMagazine2019 And don’t forget to join POZPLANET (the group): https://www.facebook.com/groups/2404687055

Recently I have started behaving like an adult. That’s a strange admission for someone in their 70’s but the fact is that adulting doesn’t come easily when we have long avoided thinking about what it will be like when we get older. Much older. And chief among those adulting issues is where and how myself and my partner will live.

I can’t possibly write about that, though, without talking about privilege. Privilege or the lack of it is an undercurrent that runs through every experience of living with HIV. It is why some do well with HIV, and some don’t. It’s a contributing factor to our health, our wellbeing and how we live and die.

That the topic of privilege is routinely ignored by even the most seasoned activists worries me. That I don’t acknowledge it enough worries me. That the privileged aren ’t called out for ignoring that their privilege governs their perspectives worries me too.

There is inherent difficulty in white gay men, for example, some comfortably off, speaking for anyone else but themselves, as if their experience of HIV mirrors everyone else’s. HIV is of course different for everybody. But what gives white gay men licence to talk for those different to them in every way, be it colour, income or social supports ? People of colour or any other demographic must speak for themselves, their culture, their challenges, their lived experience. I would not presume to do anything but. I can advocate for them, but not in an authentic way.

I’ve long blogged, on a variety of social media platforms, about my life. I avoid conspicuous consumption; it doesn’t sit well with me. But when I’ve gone on vacation, I often write about it. True, I invariably acknowledge my privilege in those articles. I assert that vacations should be the right of everyone. Very old-school USSR, I know; maybe I’m a commie at heart. But I

seriously believe vacations are a necessity for everyone, regardless of income, and they should be funded. I’ve also written about white privilege numerous times. But is it enough? Do we collectively do enough? I think not.

What does this have to do with housing? Since exploring housing issues in the context of our aging selves, it’s quickly apparent that the alternatives are all about money. Not that wealth or income issues don’t dictate where we live at all stages of our life, but one’s choices seem even more income-based as one ages.

Here’s what the picture looks like for this privileged white gay couple. And here’s where I must talk about income; we both spent a lifetime in the corporate world, so we’ve been able to afford a house to live in for many years. Initially we lived in Toronto. In 1995 we moved to the country, to a farm property on 17 acres. We loved it there but upkeep for two aging men proved a challenge. So we moved to a brand-new bungalow just up the road from the farm, where we live now. It came with a much smaller acreage and less upkeep, As time progressed, that too became a challenge but we were fortunate enough, and privileged enough, to hire help. Now, looking ahead we see more challenges which only a change of address will resolve , so have been looking at alternatives, if not for now, for the future.

There is a continuum of alternatives. Only some are available to those who have privilege. At the pinnacle are retirement homes. They are invariably nicely appointed and come with a sense of community. You interact with others. You are fed. There are activities. But all this will cost you upwards of $7,000 per month. Further down the money chain there are seniors’ apartments and assisted living. Down the road are nursing homes, where income may not be an issue. They tend to be a bit dismal. All these choices are intertwined, of course, with how much care you need – and how much privilege you carry with you.

Where do we to land on this continuum? Right now, we stay put but retirement homes look far more appealing, once we toured a couple, than I originally thought. They are nice. I can see myself living there. Is being gay a problem? Is being HIV-positive a problem? I’ve raised these issues with their management, and I don’t think so. So far, no indication of the kinds of barriers to acceptance activists like myself have long challenged, going to seniors’ residences to prepare them for HIV-positive residents. No need to return to the closet, either. I won’t.

This whole process of planning for the future has brought home to me how disparities in income govern how our old age will be spent. It’s a sobering exercise, but I encourage you, if you are at least middle-aged, to embark upon it. If you are well off, don’t gloat, though. Instead, acknowledge your privilege. You’ll become a better advocate for yourself and others.

I am so excited to sit down with Ireland's fabulous Veda of the POZ VIBE podcast. She's going to tell us all about the podcast and hopefully a little more about herself.

JE: You know, between our busy schedules it has taken a little while to get this opportunity to talk. Thank you so much for doing this interview. How are you?

V: I’m really good my darling. I’m celebrating my fiftieth birthday today and feeling pretty good about it. It’s been a rollercoaster of a year but I’m grateful for all the wonderful people in my life and excited to celebrate with some of them later today.

JE: Now, I'm a bit of an open book but not all drag superstars are. Would you mind telling our readers a little about yourself? Where were you born? Who is the person behind the persona? And if you don't want to share too much...could you tell us what you can?

V: Sure babe, I’m an open book too , an open book that sometimes I wish I could close up again but it’s too late for that , I’ve spilt all my tea. I was born in suburban Dublin in 1972 to a Catholic family in a very Catholic country, being a camp queer kid, I believed that I was an alien princess who had been placed on the wrong planet in the wrong body.

Enda is my “ Monday to Friday name “ and I’ve been a doing drag since the mid nineties . Im married to a beautiful man called Leo & we’ve been together for ten years now. I had a dog, my baby , Ziggy who passed away this year at the ripe old age of fifteen and a half. I have a dream team of drag babies who I love and adore. I’ve been doing my show, Witchy Wednesday at The George Dublin, since 1999. I’ve been very blessed in my adult life , I’m a lucky girl.

JE: I actually ask this of every featured person for the magazine...how long have you been HIV+ and what was the experience like getting that diagnosis?

V: I got my poz result in 2009. I didn’t handle it very well. I felt a huge amount of shame and disappointment, having grown during the AIDS pandemic, I’d been soaking up stigma since I was kid. My partner at the time wasn’t very experienced with this situation, neither of us were, so I made a promise to keep it quiet and that’s what I did. I lived with the secret for ten years, I regret that and how it impacted my mental health. I don’t want that shame and stigma coming for anyone else and that’s what is at the core of my activism and everything Poz Vibe Tribe do.

JE: So, tell me about the POZ VIBE podcast. How long has been airing? How did it start? What got you involved? And where is it available?

V: I got the idea of doing a HIV podcast during lockdown in 2020 while doing drag shows online. I had released a song, as a way to come out about my status on World Aids Day in 2019 and would occasionally sing it and talk about HIV on my Instagram live.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cW8KYUlkPkA

I was getting messages from people living with HIV, some in closet , some really suffering during covid. I felt a lot of guilt and responsibility as a queer elder and I decided to try to change the world, I’m still trying. At that time I was approached about collaborating on a documentary about HIV called HOW TO TELL A SECRET and that’s how I connected with Robbie Lawlor, my Poz Vibe co-host.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xvrLM2hOUCY

Together we set out to have a HIV kiki every week on a podcast that platforms the voices of people living with HIV and start to destroy all the stigma that still exists around this particular health condition one Poz story at a time.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Uv8UOfwybZ3e08c74b1lX?si=DMMynFebT_yGUAWZmntH Rw

JE: I'm curious...how are guests chosen for your podcast? Would someone like me, an activist and recording artist be considered or is it a strictly regional roster?

V: Absolutely, we would love to kiki with you , we talk to people from all over the world. We started with more local voices but even from first episode, we’ve always reached out to friends and allies from all over the planet . Our first guest was Ana Matronic of Scissor Sisters and we’ve been blessed by a sky full of drag stars and queer icons since then. That’s part of what we

do, we bring people from all walks of life together to talk about HIV. We’re not shy about asking for help from the glam gods and the queer celebrities like Peppermint, Justin Vivian Bond and Ongina, they understand how lending us their platform really helps us to spread the message.

We won’t be silenced, we won’t be shamed and we want equitable access to medicine and treatment for all.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/41enDPeCm2oYJyrfmxaJ71?si=TjUKVId6QnGsYCAFFMz-uw

JE: I'm curious...what is the scene like there? Did you lose a lot of clubs and bars due to the pandemic? We here in Toronto definitely took a hit. And honestly, I don't think we will ever be the same.

V: Dublin is a wonderful town, I’m a Dub through and through. We have some fabulous clubs here; the queer scene is really thriving since reopening and the drags are spectacular. I think being trapped at home for two years really lit a fire in all of us. There’s been loads of positive change happening here, we still have a long way to go, there’s still terrible trans health care and a housing crisis but we have a fabulous queer community, please come visit.

JE: Before I let you go, if you could go back and talk to your younger newly diagnosed self, what advice would you give?

V: My advice would be don’t burry your head in the sand, learn everything you can about HIV . Listen to podcasts, talk to experts. I was very isolated by my diagnosis so I spent a long time taking a medication that was messing up my mental health, but I didn’t know I could just change meds so easily. I was so grateful to be alive that I didn’t realise what I was doing myself. I paid a high price for that mistake, the night sweats, panic attacks, anxiety, depression that I thought were part of my personality all went away when I changed medication, I got myself back together.

JE: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and the information about the podcast. Looking forward to the next one. And remember, if you have any digital posters/ads for a future show send them to our Facebook page

V: My pleasure treasure, I love you, Happy New Year.

Listen to the mix here: https://www.mixcloud.com/djrelentlessny/ear-candy-january-2023

Download the video of this mix here: https://krakenfiles.com/view/8kPJ5AAGts/file.html

Check out DJ Relentless’ Mixcloud page: https://www.mixcloud.com/djrelentlessny

Check out DJ Relentless’ HearThis page: https://hearthis.at/djrelentlesstoronto

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I don't know about you but I am feeling a little optimistic about our next year. And I got nineteen tracks to talk about for ya! So, strap yourself in because I'm ready to go! This year I plan to bring you more new information, releases and remixes of Classic tracks than ever!

We’ve got nineteen tracks to talk about. Doja Cat makes two appearances in this mix while Lil Wayne hits a milestone and a few classic songs get makeovers. So, let’s get started shall we?

To open our first mix of the year I felt it was appropriate to start with “Video Killed The Radio Satr” by Johnny Yukon. Did he reinvent the wheel with this one? Not really…but it’s a nice Pop take on the first music video to play on MTV’s first broadcast. Johnny’s video is a little lacking in production in my opinion.

Up next is the Optical Disco Rework of “Snow On The Beach” by Taylor Swift featuring Lana Del Ray. The video is kinda just a collage of clips of each of them but not together. And honestly…I can’t tell the difference between their voices on this mix. Not as catchy as “AntiHero” but I’m sure Swifty-Fans will eat it up.

A couple months ago I reviewed “Beach House” by Carly Rae Jepson and loved the video for it. Well, she’s back with the Betamax Disco Mix of her duet with Rufus Wainwright called “The Loneliest Time”. John “DJ/VJ DELUXXE” Torres did an excellent job of disco-fying this Pop song.

If you watched the last American Music Awards you were treated to a sweet tribute to Olivia Newton John by Pink when she sang “Hopelessly Devoted To You”. Well Mr. Torres took that ballad and gave it a Betamax Disco Mix as well. Is there nothing that this man can’t do?

Our fifth track samples Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy The Silence”. It’s the haunting “All By Myself” by Alok & Sigala featuring Ellie Goulding. There seems to be a trend of these heavily sampled melody tracks of very familiar hits with waif female vocals. With so many coming out I’m not sure how well this period in music is going to age.

The sixth song in our mix features one of my favourite LGBT artists…MNEK. I love that he pops ups on a lot of UK Pop Dance tracks. And “Damn (You’ve Got Me Saying)” by Galantis & David Guetta is a nice party starter.

It’s funny how Doja Cat was crying that she was going to quit the business at the beginning of 2022. These stunts to get attention are just tired. You ain’t going nowhere, child! The Betamax Disco Mix of “Freaky Deaky” featuring Tyga samples “Stomp” by The Brothers Johnson. Really cute idea to transform this Hip Hop song into something that a club dance floor would eat up.

You know…there’s some recording artists that I really find annoying. Flo Rida is one of them. I just find most of his song hokey and tired. Even down to his name. We get it…you’re from Florida. Big whoop! And his latest “What A Night” featuring GUMMIBEAR is just so uninspiring. From the really tired hook taken from “Oh, What A Night” by Frankie & The Four Seasons to the corny lyrics…I just don’t like it. And not even the Rowdy In Rio Remix could save it.

Another trend that seems to be happening is Hip Hop artists naming their tracks after popular female artists. This month Armani White weighs in with the Juice! The DJ Remix of “BILLIE EILISH”. Perhaps this remix makes the lyrics go by too fast for me, but I see no connection to Miss Eilish at all when I listen to it. It’s a great remix compared to the original and I would definitely play it.

Our tenth track is a remake of an 80s classic…”I’m So Excited” by The Pointer Sisters. Sound Of Legend has brought the song down to a comfortable 125 BPMs for mixing. The vocal is not bad. It’s not June Pointer but it works.

The eleventh remix in our set is the Jed Harper Remix of “I Like You (A Happier Song)” by Post Malone featuring Doja Cat. See I told ya she wasn’t goin’ nowhere! I was glad to get an uptempo remix of this song. The original didn’t do anything for me at all. After watching Post on The Late Show with Seth Meyers in his segment called “Day Drinking”, I kinda like him more as person. I think the image I saw of him looked unclean and rowdy. He came across as likeable and even kinda cute. But then again, Seth could make you like almost anyone.

So, as I was programming my year end mix I found a cover of the 90s hit “Sexual” by Amber in my pool. It doesn’t sound that different in production or vocal delivery but I wanted to find out more about the girl who decided to cover it. She is a new Persian American artist called Shab. Not sure if that name is going to serve her well. She has another release before this one called “What I Do”. With the right marketing she might break through. I’m hoping there will be some remixes to her version of “Sexual” that will help her get more traction on the charts.

Our thirteenth selection is actually a song that has just made history. You see..Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” from fifteen years ago just garnered his first Diamond Certification from the RIAA. So to pay homage I dug up the Maurice Joshua House Mix and even edited a video to go with it.

Now…I’m probably gonna get in trouble for saying this but I’m a little tired of Drake at this point. His last track, “Privileged Rappers” seemed unnecessary and this new one is falling right in the same category for me. “Rich Flex” featuring 21 Savage is much of the same. I don’t wanna hear another track about how much money you got, how much pussy you get or how tough you are. Do something else with your time and energy, mister! Get back into acting. Go help some charities. Go read a book. Do something else but rap about your riches!

Apparently, I already had a remix of “Last Last” by Burna Boy and totally missed it. But this one just came through my pool and because I recognized the sample of the intro from Toni

Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me” I paid more attention this time. The Chris Watson Club Mix of has a great energy to it and sounds like it was made for World Cup fans to chant. Lots of testosterone spilling all over the place!

That’s why it gave me great joy to follow it with our sixteenth track, “The Robots Are Coming” by my good friend Franklin Fuentes. Yes…this is an older track and it the Friscia Lamboy Mix but I dug it up because I wanted to pay tribute to the legendary NYC Ballroom Icon, Derrick Xtravaganza who is featured in the music video. He passed away on December 5th, 2022. Watching his vogue-ing coming in on these hyper masculine UK guys jumping up and down yelling “Last Last” is the kind of balance we need in life.

And speaking of digging up classics…Mr. Torres did again with reviving “People Hold On” by mashing it up with “World Hold On” for a phenomenal concept. The Betamax Disco Mix of “People Of The World Hold On” by Lisa Stansfield vs Steve Edwards is just genius! Never mind that Lisa was featured by Coldcut and Steve was featured by Bob Sinclair. It’s their vocals that made both tracks. So, why shouldn’t they get top billing this time?

Last summer I wanted to revisit “Superstar” after talking with Simone Denny about an idea for party that I wanted her to be the featured performer for. So I took the original track and slowed it down and added a some drums but secretly I was wishing that someone would do a new production. Well, I finally got my wish. Belters Only & Micky Modelle featured Miss Denny and gave the song a proper makeover.

And to close out our mix is the Thunderpuss Remix of “Don’t Cry For Me” by Whitney Houston Yeah, I know…aren’t Thunderpuss broken up? Well, Barry Harris & Chris Cox got back together for this project! I am assuming that this song is in the new “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” Soundtrack. Like Michael Jackson, Whitney’s brand is worth even more after her death. Haven’t seen the movie yet but I bet it is a great PR move to adjust the narrative about Whitney and her life.

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