AN UPCOMING RETREAT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE HIV+ AND IN RECOVERY
A retreat being held this summer, known as SoberPoz, will welcome anyone living with HIV who identifies as participating in a program of recovery of some kind. This kind of safe space is terribly important and I want to explain why – and then encourage you to share this retreat with anyone who might find it helpful.
The disease most likely to kill me is not HIV/AIDS. It is the disease of drug addiction, for which I have been in recovery for more than twenty years.
Dealing with my addiction has been an uneven path, as it is for most folks who attempt to stop their dependence on drugs and alcohol. And, because drugs and alcohol tend to lower inhibitions – crystal meth, in particular, is widely known for propelling drug-fueled sexual escapism – the stories of people in recovery often include some facet of HIV transmission.
Many people in recovery are living with HIV as a direct result of their addiction. Many others, like myself, who were HIV positive before addictive behavior, must contend with the possibility of having put our sex partners at risk while under the influence. Whatever the scenario, HIV is often inextricably bound to our stories as people in recovery.
And yet, HIV is sometimes a topic not particularly welcome in recovery settings – it can be considered an “outside problem” – and the stigma of HIV makes it tough to be open about how HIV has had an impact on our addiction or sobriety. That’s what makes the SoberPoz retreat so unique and helpful.
The SoberPoz retreat is being held at the LaSalle Retreat Center in Plano, IL, on July 18-21, 2024. Skip Sams of Chicago is the event chairperson.
“At this retreat, we get the kind of safety that allows our whole stories to come through,” Skip told me. He knows from experience, having attended the retreat as an attendee and as a speaker.
The theme this year is “Positively Relevant.” Skip explained to me why the theme has such important meaning to him.
“When talking to people around the country, we heard some folks questioning why this retreat was needed or even relevant,” Skip told me. “Hearing that pissed me off at first.” Skip realized that many folks in recovery don’t realize people are struggling with the dual challenges of recovery and living with HIV. This year’s theme is meant to educate the general recovery community about why this retreat is needed — and attract attendees who could use this kind of support. That includes efforts to be more inclusive. “It’s not just about us as white gay men,” Skip added, pointing out
Skip Sams, chair of the 2024 SoberPoz Retreat
that the demographics of the retreat are slowly changing. “I hope that’s where we go in the future,” Skip said.
The cost of the SoberPoz is $375, and a limited number of scholarships are available that lower the cost by $100, to $275. Anyone who would like to contribute to the scholarship fund can do that here.
The retreat is a 4-day / 3-night event with a variety of planned activities developed to strengthen the sense of community and support through workshops, speakers, 12-step meetings, fellowship, discussion groups, campfires, and leisure time.
Each attendee has own room with a sink with shared restrooms and showers on each floor. Bed linens and a towel will be provided. The LaSalle Manor staff will prepare three hot meals Friday and Saturday and a continental breakfast Sunday morning. The committee will host a pizza night on Thursday evening. There’s also a pool, hiking, evening campfires, and kickball. Talk about getting back in touch with your inner child – but with nothing but love and support around you!
For more information, visit the SoberPoz web site or email the organizers at soberpoz@gmail.com.
LaSalle Retreat Center, site of the SoberPoz Retreat, in Plano, IL
An Outside Look at HIV
New Contributor Aron Prince shares a story of an HIV+ friend who changed his life.
I am not sure when I met Sam E (his last name intentionally omitted out of respect for privacy) in 1992 or 1993 while renting a room at the local YMCA in Paterson, N.J. I was working as a temporary employee (TE) for the main post office there while a part-time nursing student. He was an older heterosexual black man who took interest in me as a little brother. As the weeks went by, he revealed to me that he was HIV+ and contracted the virus while cheating on his wife with a local female prostitute. He
shared that he came clean with his wife, granted her a divorce, and was fighting a crack addiction.
I became Sam’s caregiver during his health decline; he would eventually be transferred to a rehabilitation center in Newark, N.J. I would travel weekly on a day off to visit him faithfully. He would give me Big Brother advice on being careful and avoiding being naive. I remember on one occasion he told me he had to check some fellow residents because they were asking him why I was able to leave the facility and he had to tell them that I was a visitor; he told me how many of them thought because I was a gay man, that I was HIV+ too. He couldn’t believe so many heterosexual people thought that it was only impacting gay men.
In May 1995, I landed a job in New York City for a local restaurant chain and relocated to Newark, N.J. I continued to be Sam’s caregiver. As the months went on, he started to decline health-wise, stopped taking his medications, and was hospitalized. He became verbally combative with the doctors and nursing team; I had to accept the fact that he made a conscious decision to let God take him sooner rather than later. I went to see him on a Wednesday, and he was all strapped down because he was losing control of his motor skills. I was so angry (clearly, I wasn’t a doctor or miracle worker) and wished they would do something. I knew in my gut the end was nearing for him. I remember that Friday morning at work I received the call that he passed away (uncontrollable tears).
I didn’t earn much, so I had to get his two-piece suit from a local Goodwill store. At his funeral, only a few of his relatives and close friends. I remember sitting during the funeral service thanking God for blessing me with a play big brother who loved me unconditionally.
We often don't know what to say or do whenever someone reveals their health challenges to us. Yet, the key is to create a safe, nonjudgmental space for them to trust us with this information. Express gratitude to the person who has trusted you with their personal health information if they have told you they are HIV positive. Inquire if there is anything you can do to assist them if that is suitable. They might have decided to tell you about their status because they need an ally or advocate, or they might require assistance with a specific problem or obstacle. Some people share this knowledge publicly, while others keep it highly confidential. Please find out how secretive they are about their HIV status and whether other individuals are aware of this information. Express to the person that your connection with them is unaffected by their HIV status and that you will respect their desire to keep this knowledge private. Get knowledgeable about HIV. These days, HIV-positive individuals who take their medication as directed can achieve and maintain an undetectable viral load,
maintain good health, and prevent HIV transmission to potential sexual partners. Avoid assuming anything and seek advice from your pal (HIV.gov, 2024).
EDITOR’S NOTE: POZPLANET has had a few contributors who are not HIV+ but wanted to share their stories. I believe that it is so important that we as the HIV+ Community not only listen but celebrate our allies. It is our goal to tell as many stories of people living with HIV as possible. As well as uplifting the people who have helped us along the way in this fight against stigma. Thank Aron for your story and I look forward to hearing more about your journey as an ally to our community.
When I first became involved in volunteer work at my local HIV organization in Edmonton, Alberta in 1992, I did a lot of speaking engagements. My first engagement was along with an Indigenous man who taught me that it was ok, maybe even essential, to make your audience laugh. He had us all laughing uproariously as he told stories of his life and what living with HIV meant to him. We were fortunate that our audience was a group of volunteers at the organization who were being oriented to HIV work. They were engaged, listened with their hearts and wanted to know more about our lives. I can’t think of a better audience for the first time telling my story. Or a better person to mentor me. He continued to mentor me over the years and is an icon of storytelling and what meaningful engagement means. I saw him a few months ago, after many years, at an event where he was once again regaling the audience with his story and encouraging laughter.
Telling one’s story is not easy for people living with HIV. When I was first diagnosed, it was a very emotional thing to do. At that time, 1992, there were no medications to successfully treat HIV. I had two children, who were 3 and 1. I had been told by my HIV specialist to “get your affairs in order because you have six months to a year to live.” Saying this out loud to an audience of strangers was terrifying and emotional. I regularly dissolved into tears when I stated this: I did not have guardians for my children and had no idea who was going to look after them. But sharing this with audiences humanized HIV for them. Audiences who heard my story often ended up in tears. I tried to lighten the story with humour, as my mentor had taught me, but it was often difficult to find humour in my story.
Why do people living with HIV tell their stories? As I mentioned, I think it provides a human face to HIV. People who hear our stories realise we are just human beings trying to live our lives. A lot of people make assumptions about who people living with HIV are. Hearing someone speak about their experiences with stigma and
discrimination based on those assumptions forces the audience to question their assumptions. And perhaps, treat people living with HIV better as a result.
HIV Edmonton has made a concerted effort over the last few years to engage people living with HIV in a meaningful way: at the Board level, as staff, as volunteers. We continue to be involved in telling our stories to various audiences: during education sessions of volunteers, doctors, nurses and the broader community. They are showing how meaningful engagement of people living with HIV in a community-based organization should be. They carried out a project last year that engaged people living with HIV to create a roadmap for future involvement of people living with HIV. We
are all very excited to see where this will take the organization and people living with HIV in Edmonton. Imagine a Health hub with people living with HIV at the core.
The United Voices of HIV Alberta, a group of people living with HIV from across Alberta, is carrying out an anti-stigma project that focuses on digital storytelling for people living with HIV, being funded by the REACH NEXUS Positive Action program, which is funding anti-stigma projects across Canada. In Alberta, two people living with HIV have been trained to facilitate Digital Storytelling workshops, along with an expert in this field. This training was made possible by two Alberta AIDS Service organizations, as they covered the fees for these two trainees. We will be recruiting people
living with HIV from across Alberta to take Digital Storytelling workshops. Our hope is to then share these digital stories widely.
Storytelling by people living with HIV allows the community to have a glimpse into the lives of people living with HIV and the stigma that we encounter. We also will be sharing stories of hope: how are people living with HIV overcoming stigma? Keep an eye on social media for these stories: Meaningful engagement of people living with HIV in action.
FOLLOW UP on What’s Happening In Other Places
Back in our September 2022 issue I introduced you to a person who identified as Ibrahim Musa. They wrote me and told of the conditions in the Kakuma Refugee Camp in Kenya. We as a magazine do not normally publish GoFundMe ads but since this has been an ongoing story that we have been following, I as the editor made the decision to share this one. Because of our coverage, Ibrahim is making progress into relocating to a safer country. If we can help one, we can open the door for others.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/nt4azq-bring-him-home-to-safety-andlove?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR2BArHfmA-rGe_KKCz11RXIlCGtAApDKqzr2K4DkgVhcknbxqdG5FDKZs_aem_ynEVGMxWqJBJUriZ5wtnvA
Each month we here at POZPLANET Magazine try to bring you as many interesting stories of people from our HIV+ Community. This month we are introducing an activist and community leader from the state of Florida....Mateo
AK: Well, hello Mateo...how are you today?
MG: You know right now, I am so about living in the moment. Staying active and being present in the moment with each person I spend my time with. I am great. I also have found a benefit to meditation and manifestation I encourage everyone to try it. I hope your day is going well AK.
AK: Would you mind telling us a little about yourself? Where are you from? What's your background?
MG: Sure, so a little bit about myself I'd like to say I am a bit of a chameleon I started off as a bagger from Publix (a southern grocery store chain) to working with Tyler Perry to now making plans to attend nursing school. I am a South Florida or Flawda Boi all day! #954 #561 #305 (Area Codes for South Florida). I was raised by Caribbean parents. However, I was born in America and I just consider myself very proudly black.
AK: Oh, wow! I'm originally from Tampa, Florida. I moved to NYC back in the early 90s when I found out I was HIV+ and then relocated to Canada when I married my husband, John Allan (who created the POZPLANET facebook group on May 29th, 2007). How long have you been positive? And could you share with our readers what it was like when you received the news of your diagnosis?
MG: I had no idea you were from Florida as well! Aye! I''ve also lived in New York which was the greatest experience in my life.
I have been positive since my early 20s and when I first heard the news i could not believe it. I lived in denial for a very long time. It still hurts me and I am embarrassed when i go on dates disclosing my status. I kind of feel like it makes me less than or i am always waiting for someone to reject me because of it. It's the worst feeling in the world but from finding out let’s fast forward 10 years later…I am very happy with myself and love myself unconditionally.
AK: Since I moved to Toronto, I have been creating safe spaces for HIV+ people to meet and socialize while raising awareness and funding for our local AIDS Service Organizations. I kinda gave you an introduction as a community leader. Could you tell our readers about what you do as a person who gives back to his community?
MG: Sure, I attend HIV support groups, Lunch & Learns about prep and new medicines that become available. I often receive facebook friend requests from people who are newly diagnosed. I listen and just hear them out and try to become a safe space for those to vent. It not only helps them but helps me as well.
I also co-run a non-profit named "God Heals All Souls ". The creator, Michael Tyson is who truly got me to become open with myself, my status and allowed me to help others. He was truly an angel. Unfortunately, his life ended recently and I have no idea where to pick up the pieces with the business. But I believe through my talks with his family that in 2025 we will continue the work and pick up where Michael and I left off. His death is one of the main reasons I decided to share my story with you today. By telling my story I am partially telling his and his death won’t be in vain.
AK: I, myself, am not very religious but I know many have been healed through faith. From what I have read about you, I know that you are very religious and also take mental health very seriously. Could you share how your faith has impacted the work you do and what steps you take to help with yours and others' mental health?
MG: You know, God has been apart of me my whole life. I just never fully tapped into it until I became an adult. I called out to him when I needed him most while going through a bad breakup. I was jobless, homeless, broke, confused…and I needed help. Since then, I have decided to dedicate my life to honoring Him However, I have friends that do not have the same belief and that’s ok. I accept people despite our differences.
AK: You certainly do a lot for your community. Do you have any personal goals that you are working on?
MG: Personal goals was this magazine, this is my first magazine cover and I am beyond excited! I feel like it's so dope that you guys chose me for this project this month!
Also getting deeper with meditation, and I am currently working on going to nursing school and who knows maybe the entertainment industry has a few projects lined up for me. Lets wait and see…
AK: And before I let you go...If you could give advice to a person who has been newly diagnosed, what would it be?
MG: My advice would be is to love yourself no matter what. And you can do anything you put your mind to. You’re not different, weird and there is nothing wrong with you.
AK: Well, I really appreciate you taking the time from your busy schedule to do this interview. Keep up the good work and please continue the fight to make our world a better place. We all play a part in what happens here. Hopefully your story will inspire others to take a look at their lives and community and find a way to give back. Any last words or thoughts before you go?
MG: Yes I'd like to dedicate this feature to my lovely parents Felicia and Jerome And my baby sister Taylor. I hope I continue to make you proud. And I want you to know I love you just as much as you love me and I would do anything for you You mean the world to me I could not have asked for a better family.
Also, to everyone reading this, I'd never think I'd live this long. It has been a battle spirituality, mentality and physically. But I am still here for a reason And if we all help each other and learn from one another we can all be great together. I love you each and every single one of you reading this interview! Without your support this would all be a waste of time. I would like to leave everyone with a couple of quotes…
"There is always light. If only we're brave enough to see it. If only were brave enough to be it.”
- Amanda Gorman
"People who can do. People who do more recycle." - Author Unknown
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In the name of Stevie Wonder, it’ “Hotter Than July”. I don’t know about where you are but it seems like certain places are experiencing cooler than normal temperatures. Which is odd of this time of year. But we are definitely living in odd times. There’s a felon running for the Oval Office, J-Lo hasn’t figured out that perhaps she is the problem and the bullied are now the bullies. So, hopefully the twenty-three tracks I picked out will help distract you for about an hour and nine minutes. We’ve got four songs by LGBT Artists, a couple of Country hits, four Latin bangaz, five Hip Hop tracks, a few Pop & Club selections and even a Disco classic reborn.
So, let’s get started…shall we?
Our first track is a cover of the Disco Classic originally made as a hit by Donna Summer. I am speaking of Micah McLaurin’s cover of “MacArthur Park” with vocals by Amber Riley (of the cast of GLEE). While nothing will ever compare to the Donna
Summer version, this is a nice way to reintroduce this song to a new generation. We don’t have to hate on all covers. Some have a purpose. I like this one.
You know I always try to support our LGBT Artists. I can’t support them all and not all are worth reviews. Some tend to just rehash the same ol’ shit that has already been done. But when a good artist comes along, I definitely make it my mission to program and play their tracks and John Duff is one of those artists. His latest has an Eric Kupper Remix for “Be Your Girl”. Honestly…I can’t wait to mix it with Troye Sivan’s “One Of Your Girls”!
And Miss Todrick Hall has been pumpin’ out the anthems lately. Up next is “Flex” and the video is quite hot and sweaty! She will definitely be in my playlist this summer!
And speaking of summer…Tove Lo & SG Lewis are definitely bringing the “Heat”. I’m not sure if it’s because of Pride Season or if everyone is just going a little gay lately but there are a lot of homoerotic themes going on in the music business today. I’m not complainin’, mind you! With all the Conservatives and Christian Right followers trying to take over the U.S. government right now, we need to remind them that we are here and not going anywhere!
Okay…Billie Eilish came into the game with a slighty off kilter approach and look. It wasn’t until she that that photo shoot where she got all glammed up that I even realized that she could be feminine. She looked hot as a blonde. And then back in December 2023 she said she didn’t realize that her fans didn’t know she was queer. So now that the cat is out of the bag, I guess Billie is just letting it all hang out with her new single “LUNCH”. The original has a heavy disco bassline but I chose the DASHONE & Felixx Remix for my set.
And since sex sells, I guess Anitta is going for it as well with her latest single “Grip”. I like the song but I’m wondering if this is the route to take as your trying to crossover into the U.S. English market. This is her first Non-Spanish album. The lyrics are a little explicit and there’s no doubt that she’s talking about her pussy…and I don’t mean, cat!
Our seventh track is from my fellow Tampa home-girl, Doechii featuring JT called “Alter Ego”. With the last track and this one I am getting memories of the 2 Live Crew days of the late 80s. Both will be great for strip clubs. While Anitta’s track is full on a hybrid of Miami Bass, Doechii’s track has some House elements that would work for a crossover.
Guess who’s back?!!! Yeah, it’s Eminem and he’s spit a clever Hip Hop Dance track. With the music of “Abracadabra” by The Steve Miller Band, Em takes us on a Pop Culture ride as he references almost everything going on at this moment. I spent many years being unforgiving for his and Dr. Dre’s comments in Rolling Stone where when they were asked about the LGBT backlash and they said, “We don’t really care about those people”. Well,
Eminem is in bed with two transwomen in the video. I think he got the memo that he should respect everybody. He gets my seal of approval and trust me, you’re gonna have to listen to it a few times to catch all that he has to say.
So, bbno$ has been on my radar a couple of times. The last time I mentioned him he did a duet with Yung Gravy and in the video they recreated the famous embrace from “Brokeback Mountain”. I really didn’t look too far into who he was and where he was from until now. Apparently, he’s a Canadian rapper and only 5’9” tall.His latest track is “It Boy” and I have to say…he sounds great! He is kinda coming for Eminem for the fast comedic lyrics. And the track is Club friendly too. Alright, shorty…you will be in my playlist this summer!
Y’all probably thought I was joking when I predicted that 2024 is going to be a Country explosion. Well, suddenly after doing a duet with Beyoncé on her album, Shaboozey hit the charts with “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” and there’s no denying black folks in this genre anymore! Beyoncé’s album may not be at the top of the charts like when it first dropped but she definitely opened the door for many others to come on through! And the Dirty Disco Remix makes for a nice addition and transition for a dancefloor.
And our eleventh song is another Country artist named Dasha and the Kasey Berry x Martial Simon Remix of “Austin” got my attention. Do I love it? No. But I think the industry attempt to do major crossover work in the remixes is admirable. As long as said artist is not spewing hatred and homophobia, I’ll play it for my floor.
Up next at number twelve is “End Of An Era” by Dua Lipa. At this point she may have oversaturated the market with too many releases. I still love her but maybe taking a break might be a smart move. Leave ‘em wanting more…not wanting you to go away.
For our thirteenth selection I decided to switch gears and slow things down to a Moombahton speed with “A DiAerent Way” by DJ Snake featuring Lauv. Nice track but don’t see it going anywhere.
Now…of course I already reviewed Jennifer Lopez’s “Can’t Get Enough” but I used this new mashup with Rupee’s “Tempted To Touch” to take this opportunity to talk about her marriage to Ben AOleck (or should I say divorce). At this point, Jen needs to take a good look at herself. She’s been married a few times and perhaps the call is coming from inside the house. It’s not the men, hun! You are rumored to be diWicult and a bit of a diva. Your tour was so much of disaster that you had to cancel it because of poor ticket sales. That movie you did to accompany the last album wasn’t the one-two punch that you thought it would be. And besides your fashion sense or whoever is styling you, you’re not a great vocalist. I appreciate what you have accomplished as a Latina in this business, but a reality check is definitely needed.
I keep telling myself I need to learn Spanish since I’m part Puerto Rican. I have friend who says he will teach me, because I listen to some tracks and know that they’re great but don’t understand a word of what is being said. This is the case with the Luis R Remix of “Wiggy”
by Young Miko. The video looks fun. The beat and Missy Elliot sample are infectious. We need more Latin Hip Hop.
As Latino Pop is taking over the charts, the sound is getting more and more contemporary like “Iman (Two Of Us)” by Maria Beverra. Again…I don’t understand what she is singing but the production and vibe is smooth. I could hear this on the radio (if anyone listens to radio anymore).
And if you wanna talk about a 360 degree turn in format, we gotta talk about the new Imagine Dragons…”Nice To Meet You”. From an Alternative Rock to mixing with Hip Hop and now there’s this new mellow Adult Contemporary sound. I like this one but was completely surprised.
Of course, after I finished programming and mixing this set, remixes for “Nasty” by Tinashe dropped. But the original version seems to be doing well on the charts and on dancefloors.
On our nineteenth selection, I couldn’t resist using the Goodfellas Wordplay Edit of “The Boy Is Mine” by Ariana Grande that samples the Brandy & Monica version. They are even featured in the video as newscasters in the original video. And Ariana even cosplays as
Catwoman. I just heard a House mix of it, but I think I prefer the original production. It’s only 98 BPMs but somethings need to stay at their own speed.
We heard JT earlier as a feature on Doechii’s track and she is coming in at number twenty with “Sideways”. Like the message in “Alter Ego” she’s got plenty of attitude and y’all bitches bettah move over. It’s getting tiresome to even listen to female rappers these days because everybody is trying to start a beef to get attention.
Caribana is coming up, so I had to include a couple Reggae tracks. I chose “Bubble” by ARMANI featuring Worl Baba. I don’t understand a lot of the lyrics but I gathered thes are another sexually charged lyrics that have to do with big butts and how they shake.
And many of our Reggae tracks mix well with a lot of Moombahton…therefore they go hand and hand on a dancefloor. The new J Balvin featuring Chencho Corleone by “Polvo De Tu Vida” is definitely going to be on my summer playlist.
And I closed out our mix with my new Reggae anthem…”Batty Man Party” by Party Lexicon! I took a look at the comment section on YouTube and the death threats and hatred proves why this track is so important. For decades the LGBT Community of colour has had to listen to how they will be killed if you come around. The backlash has forced many male Reggae artists to apologize for past lyrics and has stopped dates for their tours. We do have a power and a voice that can stop the spread of hate. So, I encourage all in my community to buy, stream and play this track!
