Managing AIDS Grief in the 1980s… by Making
Silly Videos
Find this blog and more here: https://marksking.com/my-fabulous- disease/managing-aids-grief-in-the-1980s
This is a story about how the staff at the very first HIV/AIDS agency in Los Angeles managed to handle the stress of that time without falling apart – and a random, whimsical twist of fate that followed many years later.
My first job in the AIDS arena was at the Los Angeles Shanti Foundation. It was 1987, I was 26 years old and HIV positive, and I figured it was the last job I would ever have. I have written often about those brutal years and the work of L.A. Shanti, but suffice it to say that its mission to provide emotional support to those with HIV/AIDS was critically important and emotionally exhausting. Clients often died days or weeks after being assigned a Shanti emotional support volunteer.
To fight the stress, we started an agency tradition called “Bad Shanti.” Once a month we would shut down the office, send the phones to voicemail, and get the hell out. We would go play putt-putt golf together, or catch the latest Disney movie on Hollywood Boulevard around the corner, or go bowling. God, we needed it.
During that time, I was experimenting with my video camera, a newfangled toy in its rudimentary stage, and would make home movies that I would edit by transferring the tape from one machine to another, pausing and recording to make my cuts. It sounds prehistoric now; it was exciting and cutting edge at the time.
Before long I began coming up with funny video concepts for the Shanti staff to create in honor of long-term staff members who were leaving the agency.
When our founding executive director Daniel P. Warner was leaving Shanti in 1988, he starred in his own farewell video, in which he donned full S&M regalia and terrorized the staff like a leather master. It was hilarious. Daniel showed it to other AIDS agency directors at a farewell luncheon. They were mortified.
It was harder for some folks to enjoy a sense of humor during those dark days. I get it.
When Mike Kennedy, Shanti’s director of Education, announced in 1992 that he would be relocating to Charlotte, NC with his wife Diane and their newborn son, James, I had his farewell video idea immediately.
YouTube Link to this photo: https://youtu.be/Lf8yzBdz2Lg
What if we set his video twenty years in the future – the year 2012! – and Mike’s son James returned to Shanti to find out more about his father, who had somehow disappeared? And wouldn’t it be kind of funny if the adult James was played by our receptionist Craig in full drag?
The resulting video has all the charm and production value of a home movie circa 1992. Our affection for one another as fellow warriors in the trenches is obvious. Many of us were living with HIV/AIDS ourselves. Some of us would be taken by it.
It is worth noting that “Theme from Valley of the Dolls,” which closes the video, is a song we repeated in almost every video we made. Imagine these lyrics, in a video by people on the front lines of the AIDS epidemic before there were effective treatments:
The choice to portray Mike’s son James in drag – on the queer spectrum, as it were – would become prescient in the years that followed, as baby James grew up to become a talented musical theater performer. I remember hearing from Mike, years after he left Shanti, that his young son James had been cast as the lead in Oliver! I will admit thinking to myself, “Called it!”
James Kennedy identifies as gay today. Being raised by parents whose personal and professional lives were forged during the dawn of the AIDS epidemic has been a
Mark S King & James Kennedy (2023)mixed blessing, as it turns out. I had the pleasure of meeting James in New York City last year. We shared a late night pizza and I was finally able to ask him questions I had wondered for many years.
Yes, he told me, having such progressive and gay-friendly parents was a gift. He hinted, though, that his parents’ AIDS trauma, more acute than anyone could imagine, might have sometimes interfered with his ability to forge his own way in queer life.
As for his father Mike Kennedy, he has nothing but fatherly pride for his son, albeit mixed with parental concern. “James being gay doesn’t bother me at all,” he told me, “but what happened to Matthew Shepherd scares the hell out of me.”
Father and son saw each other most recently when Mike attended the premiere of James’ new musical theater piece Prodigy, which James wrote himself. Mike “wept like a wookie” at the show, he told me.
James has such a promising future, even if my memories of him – and of Shanti, and of a certain fading trauma – are rooted in the past.
That’s okay. I knew him when.
Written by Mark S. King for his blog, “My Fabulous Disease”
US geographic region results in vastly different anal cancer risk for people with HIV
ORIGINAL ARTICLE: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/05/240507150138.htm
Source:
Medical University of South Carolina
Summary: For people with HIV, the risk of anal cancer varies according to their geographic region.
A new study that followed a cohort of more than 110,000 people establishes significant disparities in the risk of anal cancer for people with HIV and for men who have sex with men with HIV, depending on the region of the country they live in.
It's known that people with HIV have the highest risk of anal cancer, said lead author Ashish A. Deshmukh, Ph.D., co-leader of the Cancer Control Research Program at MUSC Hollings Cancer Center
But this study, published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute on May 7, is the first to show vast geographic disparities in anal cancer risk and an association with opportunistic illnesses and co-morbidities, like diabetes, chronic kidney disease and cardiovascular disease, for people with HIV.
Almost all cases of anal cancer are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV). It seems that there's some as-yet-unknown effect, such as inflammation, in people with co-morbidities that allows the HPV to gain a foothold and cause cancer to develop, the paper notes.
People with HIV have a greater relative risk of anal cancer compared with people without HIV, no matter where they live. But the study showed that the relative risk varies across the country it's higher for people with HIV in the Midwest or South than the West or Northeast.
"In the Northeast, the risk for people with HIV compared to people without HIV is 16fold higher," Deshmukh said. "But for people with HIV in the Midwest, the risk increases to almost 47.5-fold, reaching nearly 100-fold for men who have sex with men with HIV."
Deshmukh has a few preliminary theories about the causes of these differences but cautioned that this study doesn't attempt to determine the reasons.
"The objective was to understand whether there are disparities and what may be important risk factors," he said. The results of this study provide the foundation for further research into the causes underlying these disparities.
However, he noted that screening rates for anal cancer are relatively higher in the Northeast and West. New York state, for example, stands out as the only state with established guidelines for anal cancer screening, a rarity given the absence of national guidelines and the lack of specific protocols in other states for this relatively rare cancer, among the general population.
Various professional societies have begun to develop screening guidelines. In fact, Deshmukh contributed to the recent International Anal Neoplasia Society's consensus guidelines, published in January.
Those guidelines started with the premise of beginning screening at specific ages based on risk for example, beginning screening at age 35 for men with HIV who have sex with men and 45 for women with HIV and other men with HIV.
However, this new study suggests that guidelines should consider risk factors like previous opportunistic illnesses or having had a CD4 count below 200. CD4 count is the number of CD4 T-cells, a type of white blood cell, in the blood. A count above 500 is considered healthy, but a count below 200 can trigger an AIDS diagnosis.
Deshmukh said that he hopes to see the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force develop guidelines for anal cancer screening. The task force previously determined that there wasn't enough information about the risk-benefit balance of anal cancer screening to issue guidelines, Deshmukh said.
However, his ongoing research will provide direct evidence quantifying the potential harms versus benefits of screening for anal cancer among people with HIV.
"We hope that the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force will again take on this topic and evaluate the evidence once we have more data on the harms and benefits of anal cancer screening," he said.
The current paper notes that anal cancer among people with HIV appears to be on the decline. However, it warns that geographic disparities could increase if the differences in screening activity remain.
This work was supported by grants from the National Institutes of Health and the Canadian Institues of Health Research. The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the National Institutes of Health or the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Circumcision may reduce the risk of HIV infection
by American College of Physicians
A randomized controlled trial comprised of 247 men who have sex with men (MSM) found that voluntary medical male circumcision (VMMC) can prevent incident HIV infection. These findings suggest that MSM should be included in VMMC guidelines. The study is published in Annals of Internal Medicine.
Researchers from China enrolled uncircumcised, HIV-seronegative men aged 18 to 49 years who self-reported predominantly practicing insertive anal intercourse and had two or more male sex partners in the past six months in a trial to assess the efficacy of VMMC in preventing incident HIV infection.
Once enrolled, all men received HIV counseling and testing and were then randomly assigned to immediate circumcision (intervention group) or circumcision delayed for 12 months (control group).
There were zero seroconversions in the intervention group and five in the control group, and the HIV incidence was lower in the intervention group Given the context of this sample size and length of follow-up, the incidence rates of syphilis, herpes simplex virus type 2, and penile human papillomavirus were not statistically significantly different between the two groups.
While VMMC may exhibit high protective efficacy, the authors caution that it is important to offer comprehensive protection against HIV with additional preventive measures. Recommendations include condom use, education to reduce the number of partners, regular HIV testing, and preexposure or post-exposure prophylaxis, as appropriate.
+ Explore further
Medical male circumcision has health benefits for women, review finds
For the past eight weeks, Jade Elektra has been hosting a live competition created to give the LGBT Community a space to hone their talents and win some cash plus get a spot on a Pride Toronto stage on Pride Weekend called TOP STAR LIVE! We have had all sorts of talents come through…singers, comedians, rappers, poetry readers and dancers. If you ’re in Toronto and have a talent that you can do legally in public, you can do it on our stage and possible win cash! Details on how to sign up are above in the flyer. Dates left: June 7th & 14th - Come get this money!
I first met our featured person when she came to support a friend in my TOP STAR LIVE competition here in Toronto. She eventually entered herself. And it was my husband who actually knew who she was and how important she has been to the LGBT politics locally. As he told me more, I became intrigued with who is this trans person and why don't I know more about her. I am pleased to say that she agreed to do an exclusive interview with POZPLANET Magazine.
It is my privilege to introduce our readers to Isabella Gamk.
JE: Hello Isabella,,,,how are you today?
IG: Hello Jade. My standard answer has usually been, "I'm ok.", but I want to be honest with you. I am not all that well at all at the moment and it's frustrating for me as my health is becoming more and more debilitating. It is currently stopping me from doing many things I would like to participate in or enjoy doing. Unfortunately, my health will not be improving.
JE: Could you share with me and our readers a little background information on yourself? Where are you from? How long have you been living your authentic life?
IG: I was born in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada and I started to grow up in Bayridges, Pickering, Ontario and then we moved to a small run-down farm outside of Havelock, Ontario and I lived there until I was 19 and then I moved to Toronto, Ontario. I have lived in many places in Ontario and British Columbia since then over the years. I now reside in Toronto 1close to downtown.
Up until age 55 I identified as heterosexual but knew since the age of 12 that I should have been born female. I considered myself bisexual for most of my life because I knew I wasn't really gay or all that attracted to gay men. I wasn't sure what I was for a long time. I came out as a transwoman in February 2016 and went on hormone replacement therapy I am now 64 years old. I have been living as a female for a little over 8 years now. I had gender reassignment surgery about 5 years ago.
JE: I hope you don't mind, but we ask this of all our featured persons for this column...how long have you been HIV+ and what was that experience like when you were diagnosed?
IG: No worries. I am open about pretty much everything. I was in Vancouver, British Columbia, when I was diagnosed with being HIV+ 32 years ago in 1992. And when I was diagnosed in 1992, I was told that I probably had been HIV+ for 5 - 10 years prior to testing. So, if you average 7 years and add it to the 32 years you could say I have been
HIV+ for 39 years now and it would take it back to 1985 that I got infected with HIV+. I originally went to the doctor because I had a rash on my upper back that wouldn't go away. I thought maybe it was cancer and the doctor asked if I would like to get tested for HIV+ as well. I actually took the diagnosis quite well at the time and the doctor said that my reaction to the news was the calmest reaction she had seen to the news. I thought I might be dying of cancer at the time so to me it was like the same difference.
JE: So, for those who aren't familiar with you or your role in politics...how did you start advocating for those living with HIV here in Toronto?
IG: A couple years after being diagnosed HIV+ I moved back to Ontario and got a place to live in Toronto. The place I moved into was operated by Casey House at the time and was located right beside the original Casey House. My mother had been researching HIV+ during the time I was still in Vancouver and helped me get hooked up with the PWA (People With AIDS Foundation), and with ACT (AIDS Committee of Toronto). It was through one of these agencies that I heard about PSM (the Positive Straight Men's Association) and I joined in the mid 1990's. I became Co-Chair of PSM for a bit but then we lost funding because the person who was supposed to submit the paperwork failed to do so before the deadline and we had to close up shop. Because I was living
beside Casey House at the time, I became involved with some activities there. I attended some health-related meetings, Seminars and Workshops there as well. I still attended some activities, meetings, seminars, and workshops when Casey House moved into their new current building for a few years but then stopped going because of problems some staff members instigated and initiated. Those staff have all been let go or moved on and none of the original staff are left. When they moved from the old Casey House into the new one some things changed, and it's changed again a couple times since then. And now is more cooperative. I was a member of Casey House for over 20 years. I could have gone back a couple years ago but I feel I was mistreated and owed an apology at least. No one from Casey House has reached out to me about this since it all happened. I have also attended many Ontario AIDs Network seminars and workshops as well as various other organizations, medical facility and hospital meetings over the years since being diagnosed with being HIV+. I have also attended many things to do with housing and homelessness and poverty.
JE: Well, let me be one of the people to say "thank you" for jumping into the fray and doing something. It is so important that no matter who you are that you get up and do what you can to make change. We don't always succeed but I am sure your journey will hopefully help and inspire others to stand up and fight. What was it that inspired you to run for mayor?
IG: Actually Jade, before I ran for Mayor of Toronto, I started POOF (Protecting ODSP OW Funding). I started POOF because I am on ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program) benefits and for years the financial increases to ODSP from the Ontario Provincial Government have been way to small and the struggle got worse each year regardless of the tiny increases. In 2018 just before election time the Liberal Provincial Premier Kathleen Wynn raised ODSP and OW/Welfare by 3% and right after she lost the election to Doug Ford and the Conservatives. Ford cut the 3% in half to 1.5%. After Ford cut the increase in half down, everyone…politicians, advocates, activist groups, community institutions, organizations, and agencies all started screaming and demanding the 3% increase be reinstated. This was at a time when average market rent for a one-bedroom apartment was $1100.00 - $1200.00 and the ODSP Shelter Allowance was $497.00.
So, it was POOF - here we are and we're demanding a 100% increase for ODSP and OW, in other words we wanted both the ODSP and OW benefits doubled. I joined ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now) and OCAP (Ontario Coalition Against Poverty) to try to get them to help but ACORN was not much help and stole my ideas when I invited them to a couple protests and decided to hold their own protests on the same issues a few days ahead of ours that had already been planned. OCAP
kicked me out because I was too radical. At first, I attended many protests other people organized to let people know about our group and our demands. I heckled politicians and badgered them along with other people, groups, organizations, and agencies. I asked at first and then demanded that they all change their ableist ways and demand more than the 3%. It took me about 2 1/2 years to get everyone to stop demanding the 3% increase and to demand more. Unfortunately, many weren't so keen on raising their demands to meet ours. It took them another couple years (2022-2023) to demand ODSP be doubled or increased 100%. By this time our demands had changed a few times and gotten higher because rent and food prices were going up so much. So it was like I had to start all over again to call people out about simply demanding doubling ODSP or increasing it by 100% in 2023 – January-June 2023 total ODSP benefits were $1228.00 In July they went up to $1308 and still are so doubling them would have been $2456.00 and then $2616.00, was not going to cut it when average market rent for a onebedroom apartment in Toronto was about $2600.00 at the time.
When I called out everyone about their continued ableism this second time, many tried to label me as the enemy, uncooperative, unwilling to negotiate, narcissistic, stubborn,
etc, Slandering me as well…all because I wouldn't lower my demands and become ableist as they were. And unfortunately, many still are ableist in their demands. When ODSP is a Disabled Ontarian's/Canadian's sole source of income it's ableist to tell them, "Here is some money and yeah we know it's not enough but if you want a place to live, food and other necessities you will have to work for it", it's like helping someone with two broken arms and two broken legs in a manual wheelchair halfway across the road or busy intersection and then leaving them there to fend for themselves. Many will say, "Well, they get subsidized housing", but there is not enough subsidized housing available and if a Disabled ODSP client gets evicted from their housing for any reason they automatically become homeless because they can't afford to rent another one-bedroom apartment somewhere else. The same goes for ODSP clients who live in average market rent apartments for a long time and their rent is low because they've been there a long time. But if they get reno-victed, demo-victed or just plain ol’ evicted for any other trivial reason they too can't afford to rent another place immediately and become automatically homeless and forced to wait in shelters and hotel rooms for nonexistent housing.
Housing is a No Security Jail when tenants can't get a transfer if other tenants are bothering them, making noise at nighttime, bullying them, and/or making their life hell. They can't afford to just move out and find a quieter place more to their liking.
At first POOF did protest at Queen's Park and other places where we stayed on the sidewalk to protest but after a couple of years we realized that protesting at Queen's Park was like preaching to the choir as everyone in attendance already knew why we were there. The general public didn't hear much about anything said at the protest and the media reports (if we got any) were very brief. They sometimes weren’t accurate as to what we were protesting for. A couple times when we were demanding more money, they reported that we were there for more "housing". So, we started blocking streets around Toronto to talk to the public firsthand. We found out that if we stayed on the sidewalk people would just continue on about their day and walk on past But if we blocked a street people would stop and listen and some people would pull out their phones to video us or go live. Sometimes for an hour or more. I usually let the police and the TTC, Toronto Transit Commission, know about our protests out of courtesy. A couple times the police did show up on time and help with traffic as our numbers were small but then they stopped helping us at the beginning of our protests and would show up about a half hour to an hour after we started They would get in our faces and tell us we weren't "allowed to do this" and we would argue for about a half hour and then they would back down and move the traffic back and block the street at the surrounding intersections. We would have the remainder of the time we planned to be there to talk to the public in a more relaxed manner.
Honestly, I think if I hadn't transitioned and had remained identifying as a heterosexual man, I would have got more people to participate in protests. But then the police may have been more aggressive towards me. Me being a transwoman in a wheelchair had it's perks and the police weren't so keen to physically grab me and force me to stop.
I as the main organizer and spokesperson for POOF blocked streets in Toronto about 20 times, usually for 2 1/2 - 3 hours at a time. One time after the police had harassed us at previous protests I had had enough and I blocked Yonge St just south of Dundas St for 5 hrs and forced the police to arrest me so that I could ask the judge to clarify protest laws. When it went to court I said to the judge, "Before I enter my guilty or not guilty plea can you please clarify the protest laws?” And right away, the Crown withdrew the charge. I was unhappy and said that I got arrested on purpose so that I could get clarification from the judge and that I didn't get my day in court and the judge said, "You just had it."
POOF was the first group to protest at Premier Doug Ford's house in 2019 on Christmas morning with a "Please Sir, Can We Have Some More" protest.
Here are our current POOF’s demands that we stated on September 19th, 2023:
Due to the rapid/constant increase in rent prices for a one-bedroom apartment which a disabled person in a wheelchair or a disabled person using other assistive devices needs POOF Protecting ODSP OW Funding can no longer set or demand a definite monetary figure on/for the ODSP Shelter Allowance
Last year according to the Income Security Advocacy Center only 9% of ODSP clients and 5% of OW clients lived in Subsidized Housing currently. Housing studies and media report that it now costs roughly $2500.00 a month to rent an average market rent one-bedroom apartment and disabled people should not have to end up Homeless and forced into the Shelter System if renovicted, demovicted, or has to move for any other reasons.
If one simply doubles the full ODSP benefits current amount of $1308.00 per single person per month up to $2616.00 per single person per month and a disabled person in a wheelchair needs a new apartment right away it will be a struggle, if not impossible to pay rent and still have enough money to live on.
The Federal Canada Disability Benefit is too vague and may not be enough to make much of a difference when it finally gets implemented as no monetary value has been discussed or set as of yet. The current poverty-line of LICO for a single person if used for the Canada Disability Benefit at $27,514.00 a year, or $2,292.83 per month, does not reflect the true cost of living in Canada when rents are climbing rapidly. https://www.settler.ca/english/lico-table-2023/
POOF will now demand:
- a total revamp of the ODSP Benefits Program to make the ODSP Shelter Allowance be based on average market rent for a one-bedroom apartment by Postal Code, or some other similarly defined classification regarding rental prices for differing wealth per capita areas.
- the ODSP Basic Needs Allowance be Doubled/Increased 100% from $752.00 per single person per month up to $1504.00 per single person per month.
- the OW Shelter Allowance of $390.00 per single person per month be increased by 150% up to $975.00 per single person per month.
- the OW Basic Needs Allowance of $343.00 per single person per month be increased up to $857.50 per single person per month.
Isabella Gamk, Founder of, POOF Protecting ODSP OW FundingIf I had about 40 people we could do more street blocking protests. Unfortunately, at the last POOF street blocking protest in front of the ODSP OW office at 111 Wellesley St E four different people attacked us and tried to drag our sound system speakers off the
street. Even though we managed to hold the line and finish that protest it scared people attending and deterred them from attending future protests.
It's no picnic doing street blocking protests and there definitely is a war on the poor. Many disabled and poor people are afraid their benefits will be cut off if they protest against the poverty they are legislated to live in or even to post or handout protest flyers. Most have resigned themselves to a life of poverty. It's up to the general public who aren't on benefits themselves to ensure those on benefits actually get enough financial help.
In 2022 I decided to run for Mayor of Toronto to try to bring more awareness to the general public about poverty and homelessness after finding out that it only cost $200.00 to enter the campaign race and that after the election I would get the $200.00 back. I never got much help and only managed to put out about 2000 flyers but I got 1169 votes. The incumbent Mayor John Tory won that election.
In 2023 John Tory was caught up in a sex scandal getting caught fooling around on his wife and decided to step down. So, I decided to run again but got less help and support. Then late in the campaign race Olivia Chow entered the campaign race and many people thought she would be like her late husband Jack Layton (a real friend of the people type person who was compassionate for the Poor And Disabled) and voted her in. I only received 89 votes this time.
During both elections I never got invited to the bigger election debates, but I did get invited to a number of smaller debates and did manage to spread our message and other ideas of mine.
Unfortunately, Olivia Chow has not demanded that the Premier of Ontario, Doug Ford, increase ODSP or OW and the issue of homelessness is not any better. Sadly…Olivia Chow has turned out to be more like John Tory than being like Jack Layton.
JE: Okay...you have been quite public about you are waiting for confirmation on a Medically Assisted in Death (or MAiD here in Canada). Do you mind sharing with us why you are planning this?
IG: Well Jade, I have many other health issues besides being HIV+. I have Osteoporosis, Scoliosis, Degenerative Bone Disease, Degenerative Disc Disease, and
Arthritis in my Spine, Severe IBS, Acid Reflux/GERD, COPD, Emphysema, a MAC infection which comes and goes in my lungs, High Grade Precancerous Tissue in and around my bottom that I will soon have my 19th procedure to eradicate it, Sleep Apnea, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in both wrists, Hammer Toes, Bunyans, Plantar Faciitis in both feet and wear orthodics to correct, Sinusitis, Complex PTSD, Depression, Seasonal Affect Disorder, Anxiety, a bit of Agoraphobia, and a diagnosis of Chronic Pain.
I use the Fodmap Diet from the Monash University to try to control my IBS and unfortunately some things on the Fodmap diet I still can't have because of my Acid Reflux/GERD. I eat healthy food but it's a pretty restrictive and boring diet.
I have a history of getting side effects from many different kinds of medications and I have had to stop taking some meds to try to figure things out since doctors really aren't much help in resolving my medical issues. AZT made me anemic and when I stopped the AZT the anemia went away. D4T gave me neuropathy and when I stopped the D4T the neuropathy went away. Indivavir and Nelfinavir gave me kidney stones bad. I had to have them hammered out with Lithotripsy twice. Atripla gave me my severe IBS and added to my sleeping problems. Unfortunately, those never went away after stopping the Atripla. Efudex cream for pre-cancerous tissue gave me open sores and I had to stop using it and then the sores went away. Anoro nasal spray for polyps in my nose made my nose bleed and I had to stop that too. Painkillers constipate me. I stopped my Estradiol/estrogen because I was getting lumps under my arms and after stopping it the lumps went away.
I started using a wheelchair five years ago because I get short of breath sometimes and walking hurts my back a lot. Unfortunately, the wheelchair going over cracks and bumps on the sidewalks, roads or when crossing streetcar tracks also cause a lot of pain. So, I am not getting out as much as I like and often have to force myself to do things.
I don't sleep very well at all and I'm up a lot during the night tossing and turning and getting up frequently to urinate and in the morning feel as tired as I did when I went to bed.
I don't have any close friends. My parents are dead, my family is dysfunctional and I don't see my siblings anymore.
I get four different kinds of headaches, one kind from an old work injury where some scaffolding fell on my head creating a deep gash that never healed properly, another kind is sinus headaches, and another sciatica headaches and I get headaches around my brain stem area. I can't turn my head very far or tilt it to the sides. I have a lot of neck pain. It even makes lying down comfortably hard to do.
I can't take painkillers of any kind really because of my severe IBS which results in constipation and that causes me more pain and discomfort.
I don't have any quality of life anymore.
I have lived a pretty full life and experienced many many things and places.
I am so very tired of having pain and discomfort constantly somewhere in my body at any given moment of the day or night And that is why I want MAiD, Medical Assistance In Dying
JE: Well, I can't even begin to imagine how much pain you must be in to want to end your own life, but I respect your decision. Before we let you go...is there anything else you would like to share with our readers? Do you have any advice for anyone who wants to make a difference in their community?
IG: Poverty is a tough issue and things like Shelters, Foodbanks, Subsidized Housing, Clothing Banks, Community Meals, etc are the smokescreens hiding poverty and deflecting attention away from the real issue of poverty. If poverty becomes eradicated all those previous things mentioned go away on their own.
One shouldn't let fear turn into a "I can't do it". Those who aren't really benefitting society, sports figures, musicians, movie stars, and who are helping to deflect attention away from real world issues as a whole are currently being celebrated and worshipped while those who solve problems, invent or figure things out scientifically, mathematically, systematically, etc, (which actually do benefit all of society) are being made fun of, lied about, slandered, discredited, and not believed.
In life I have found my interest and passion in many things lasts about 3 - 6 years I never had the same kind of job twice when I was working and I worked at at least ten different over the table jobs over the years before I was diagnosed with being HIV+ and my health worsened, vegetable farming, machinist apprentice for a couple of years but worked in the machine shop for a couple of years as well before starting my apprenticeship, furniture delivery person, forklift operator, landscaper, car wash attendant, furniture factory worker, paint shop worker, making arborite sheets, assembly plant, etc.
My final advice is to always try to be the best you can be and if you find something you truly care about don't be afraid to embrace it passionately Don't let others deter or dissuade you from your passions or goals in life.
JE: Thank you so much for all that you have done and for being the person that you are. It has been an honor to learn more about you in your own words. We appreciate you and your story so much!
HIV/AIDS is not OVER!
What
are
you doing to end it?
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It’s PRIDE MONTH and I’ve got twenty-one tracks to discuss. It’s gonna be an interesting summer and some artists who think they had it in the bag might be in for a big surprise. And I believe this is going to be the GAYEST SUMMER of them all!
So, let’s get started…shall we?
Of course, right after I finished my EAR CANDY video mix, Camila Cabello & Lil Nas X shot a music video for their new collaboration, “He Knows”. So unfortunately, I had to use the visualizer of them running through hallways as the video. Oh, well...you gotta work with whatcha got, huh? Anyway…that’s what I started this month’s mix with. It’s a cute track but let’s hope they give us a proper remix or two to work with in the warmer months.
Up next is one of my unofficial boyfriends….a Mr. Don Diablo. Ever since I saw him in his video for “Into The Unknown”, I have been smitten. He doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend…but I digressed. Our second track is the Ultimix of his song “Feelings”. And no, it’s not a cover of the 1975 hit by Morris Albert. I was hopeful but still pleasantly surprised. It’s a pretty hot track.
So, the buzz right now is that “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter is the new summer
anthem. I’ve listened to the original and it’s okay. It’s Pop…it’s not a song that I’d rush out to the floor for. I searched through a few remixes and found the Lloyd Jones Remix. It worked with my set. This version would be something that I would hit the floor for.
The fourth remix in our mix this month is the Kay Stafford Club Mix of “My Oh My” by Ava Max. With a name like Kay Stafford most would think that this is a female, but it is not. How I found out was I approached Kay about remixing my alter-ego – Jade Elektra’s song “Undetectable”. This was a rewrite of Nat “King” Cole’s classic “Unforgettable” to promote the U=U message back in 2019. I believe everyone should know the original melody of the original song. And many have said that I nailed the vocal on this one. Well, Kay told me that I was off key and that was the reason that his remix of my song was not that good. Never quite forgot that. And listening to his remix of Ava Max’s track, I was brought back to many of Kay’s remixes I liked in the past. I liked them because they didn’t stray that far from the original in melody or production. Kay’s mix is a safe bet if you get a request for this song. Do I like this song enough to play it without a request? No…but I’m sure some twink is gonna walk up a ask for it.
The hype and outrage over Beyoncé’s Country album have died down as many have posted some fake and real memes about things said of Mrs. Carter and her ambitions of
being a Country artist. But it is my assessment that the damage to the idea that Country Music was invented by white people has been done. The conversation and narrative have been changed forever for future generations….and as Martha Stewart used to say “And that’s a good thing.”
But the singles from her album just keep on comin’. From “Ya Ya” to the Liam Pfeifer Remix of her duet with Miley Cyrus called “II Most Wanted”, there seems to be a bounty of Pop hits that should crossover many charts. The only thing that will snag Beyoncé’s chances of getting a Grammy next year for this album will be racism.
I believe that I first started a friendship with Brett Brisbois back in 2020. We met through our membership to a video music file sharing group on Facebook. He noticed that I was one of the few people of colour who injected some R&B, Hip Hop & House videos into the group. His appreciation of these posts kinda kept me going because this was a really white gay group of VJs and DJs posting who didn’t seem to appreciate or notice my offerings at all (unless it was Black History Month). Over the years, I found out that he used to be a DJ in NYC like I was back in the 90s. We have grown to be good friends and I even had him do one of the mixes of Jade Elektra’s cover of “Love Hangover”. He’s even done many remixes of classic 70s and 80s hits. And I knew it would only be a matter of time before he started doing some original works. Recently he posted an original track and video called “I’m Not Done”. I like it. It reminds me of my days of going to The Limelight on Fridays back in the 90s. I could almost see the Klub Kids in their high-heeled-stacked sneakers stomping on the floor and waving glowsticks all about. Little did I know that this time period would be the last of my dancefloor days. By the time I reach the 2000s I am designated to being behind the decks.
Up next as our seventh track is the Charlie Lane Remix of “Illusion” by Dua Lipa She’s been dropping singles left and right lately. “Training Day” ”Houdini”…and now this one. I worry that she is oversaturating the market. Slow down, girl! We haven’t even reached mid-June. Don’t blow your load too early. We’ve got a long summer ahead and you wanna make sure you stay relevant till September.
Back in February I read that Vanessa Williams was being cast as Miranda Priestly in London’s West End upcoming musical production of “The Devil Wears Prada” in October of 2024 and I was happy that she is getting her flowers. I’m sure her role on “Ugly Betty” was her audition tape. But when I heard she had a new single out called “Legs” I was extremely happy. She hasn’t had a hit since the 90s. And my crusade to point out that experience is always welcomed when it comes to entertainment is proven again. “Legs” is a great track! I love the original but chose the HuffNPoof Remix for this month’s set. And she turns it in the video. As beautiful as when she won Miss America back in the 80s. Oh…what’s that? You didn’t know she was the first crowned Miss America of colour? Google it. They took the crown, but she’s still here and we’re lucky!
And if we got “Legs” we can finally “Throw Some Ass”. At least that’s the advice from Sofi Tukker. I always enjoy a lot of Miss Tukker’s music. And this track sounds like something to play in a Gay Pride Parade…especially if you want that crossover for a Latin crowd.
Up next for our tenth selection, it’s a nice Pop Dance track that samples some chords from “I Didn’t Mean To Turn You On” by Cherelle. Of course, I’m speaking of “Jenny’s Got A Boyfriend” by Bonnie McKee. Really clever use of the sample (in my opinion) and the video is fun. I hope there will be some remixes or at least an extended version that us DJ/VJs can work into our sets.
I’m kinda loving that Nile Rodgers is having such a resurgence in Dance music again. He has been responsible for so many hits over the years and he brings a sensibility and wisdom to his choices. I guess that’s why his latest single, “Honey Boy” with Purple Disco Machine, Sheneseea & Benjamin Ingros is so catchy. I’ll definitely be spinning this one in my sets!
You know…I can always count of Todrick Hall to serve up a great anthem around Pride season and this year I believe he has outdone himself with “I’m Gay”. And the video kills me! From the cameos by The Mean Gays to the roll call of the Drag Race gyrls, I think he covered the scene of the moment.
And to continue the gayness, we have the Seamus Haji Remix of “Rich Bi$h” by Kossisko. Definitely another banga and should work for any floor that needs an injection of LGBT content. It has lingo for the Ballroom Kids but has a Disco House feel in production.
Our fourteenth track is “After Hours” by Kehlani. Of course, right after I finished programing and mixing this set several remixes dropped. But the original is still a good Pop Radio hit. It sounds like a summer jam and has a cool vibe familiar vibe to the hook.
And speaking of summer jams and vibes, “Birthday” by 41, Kyle Richh, Jenn Carter & Ta Ta has Miami written all over it. I know this is gonna be booming out somebody’s car as they cruise Biscayne Boulevard or Ocean Drive. I occasionally miss my Florida days but cannot deal with their governor and his ways. So, it might be a minute before I return to visit family and friends.
I’m happy for Coi Leray that she’s having a lot of attention and money backing her endeavors in her music career. Hope she makes some solid choices to keep herself on the charts. Her latest single, “Can’t Come Back” in my opinion is not one of those choices. Hopefully they remix the hell out of it to make it dancefloor friendly.
But Coi’s track was a nice lead in to my transition to “Enough (Miami)” by Cardi B It was a shame that Cardi’s outfit for the MET Gala this year was not the head turner that she had hoped for. My love/hate relationship with her has cooled recently after finding out about her separation in her marriage. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to live in the spotlight. Fame seems like such a dangerous game for love and mental health these days. But back to the song…great flow and attitude. There are some remixes and mashups I have heard but I wanted to drop in BPMs to get to these next few songs.
Our eighteenth selection is “Wanna Be” by GloRilla featuring Megan Thee Stallion. Now…I have to be honest. I have a bias against Glo for her name. In this racially charged atmosphere we are living in why would any black person give themselves a name that even remotely sounds like “gorilla”? It bothers me every time I hear or have to say her name. So, I’m sure it’s my bias that just makes me tune out when her tracks come on. But I know she is popular and many are enjoying her them. The song is alright. I’m not gonna rush to play it. And I’m sure I’m gon’ get some flack over this but I just believe somebody who is socially conscious needed to point this out. Her name sucks!
I wasn’t clear when I downloaded the lyric video for “Tell Ur Girlfriend” by Lay Bankz. Most lyric videos are just that, but this seems to be the actual video with the lyrics also. Perhaps a new marketing idea to make sure the listener learns the words? Anyway…I like the bounce of this one. When I first heard it, I thought it was in the 130 range in BPMs but quickly learned it’s more like 70. That’s where that bounce comes from.
By the time this article is published most will probably have moved on from the Drake & Kendrick Lamar feud. But “Eurphoria” by Kendrick Lamar is a fuckin’ masterpiece! The timing and lyrics are lethal. And after a couple of shootings at Drake’s home here in Toronto and his house in L.A. he seemed to realize that you can’t play thug if you ain’t one. This has been the whole issue all along. Hip Hop was born out of the struggle of being black. That has not been Drake’s existence. Being biracial and from Canada has shielded him from what most rappers in the game have had to deal with. And as they say on da streets…”play pussy you gon’ get fucked”. He and Kendrick exchanged a couple more tracks after this one, but I think Drake knows he needs to sit down and go raise his kids. Find something else to rap about cuz you have been skooled, son.
In “Eurphoria” Kendrick implies that Drake likes transwomen. Interesting enough, last December of 2022 I got a notification on Twitter that Drizzy “liked” Jade Elektra’s track “You Peed”. Then I started getting messages saying that he wanted to sign me to his entertainment company. We went back and forth for a few days because I did not believe it was the real Drake. And weirdly enough he kept referring to me as “Miss” (even after I explicitly explained him that I am a drag queen and not a transwoman). I finally said that I was not interested because it seemed like this was a fake account. Whoever was writing to me said that he was the real Drake but had several profiles.
And of course, all of those communications have magically disappeared. But I did get a screen capture of his “like” of my post.
So, whether it was him or not…I’ll never know. But I do have the receipts.
And to close out our mix is a ballad by a new gay artist who has been making quite the splash with his lyrics and raw talent as a vocalist. I am speaking of Durand Bernarr. He did a Tiny Desk Concert that you can find on YouTube that is excellent! Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klL7nY1HzaY His latest single is “Unknown” and I love it! I hope that he finds his way to a House producer. We need more male vocalists in that genre.
Well, myself and the entire POZPLANET team wish you a HAPPY PRIDE and hope that each and everyone you have a safe and joyous time in this month of June. Here are some links to my PRIDE mixes this year:
https://www.mixcloud.com/djrelentlessny/relentless-pride-mix-2024
https://www.mixcloud.com/djrelentlessny/relentless-classic-pride-10
https://www.mixcloud.com/djrelentlessny/relentless-ballroom-pride-2024
And as usual, I’d like to remind you that the links at the beginning of this article are to my DJ pages and a link to a free download of the video mix of this EAR CANDY for June 2024. Again…have a wonderful PRIDE and try to love one another!
Je# Michael Walker can give you all of these things but he can’t give you HIV! Google the “I Can’t Give U HIV” Campaign and ask how you can be a part of it. Visibility is a powerful tool in fighting stigma and educating the general public about the U=U Movement! Do your part to help.