My PPOC

LOST INSPIRATION

By Shauna Madden

I’VE HAD DEPRESSION AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER AND WAS EXTREMELY SHY AND DEFINITELY AN INTROVERT UP UNTIL ABOUT CIRCA THE AGE OF TWENTY. THE DREADED SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT, I BEGRUDGINGLY ATTENDED, BUT OFTEN SOUGHT OUT THE FAMILY DOG FOR COMPANY. ANIMALS WERE ALWAYS EASIER. I IMMERSED MYSELF IN MY IMAGINATION, WRITING POETRY, DRAWING, PAINTING AND INVENTING WHIMSICAL COMEDIC STORIES ABOUT MY FRIENDS WITH DETAILED ILLUSTRATIONS TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. THEN, LIKE WHAT HAPPENS TO SOME CREATIVE PEOPLE, THE LIGHT STARTED TO GO DIM. THE FEW NOVELS I STARTED NEVER GOT THEIR ENDINGS. MY DEEP CREATIVE WELL HAD RUN BONE DRY.

Fast forward ahead many years and various jobs, some that were much better than others, but still void of creativity. The years were passing by faster than ever and it was time for a change, but that was going to be risky. But I decided it’s now or never. I’ve always had a camera in my hand or purse, but in 2018 I decided to purchase my first DSLR and try to learn as much as possible. When I was eighteen, I had completed a graphic design course that included photography, which was my favourite part. We were sent out on assignment to capture the image and then take it into the darkroom to develop the roll. That was a fun experience, but I do admit I prefer digital now, especially for learning and experimenting. There are a lot of great tutorials on YouTube, and I devoured as many as I could and also took a basic photography course a local photographer was offering here. I had never heard of the PPOC before, until one day I decided to do an internet search for some sort of Canadian photography association. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for, but I felt that if I want to call myself a photographer (which I admittedly am uncomfortable saying), I should have something other than a camera and a few internet courses. Voila! The Professional Photographers of Canada. This was what I had been looking for, but would I be allowed to join? The answer was what I had been searching for. The PPOC is for any photographer at any level. You can choose to stay at the Observer level or aspire to take it to the next and go for an Accreditation. I was pleasantly surprised that anyone with any degree of photographic experience could join and what level you achieve was totally up to you. The PPOC’s Accreditation is a process where the maker submits ten images to be anonymously judged by an expert panel of professional photographers. I knew right away this was what I wanted to do and that it might lead to an iota of credibility for me, but mostly it was a personal challenge to myself in an attempt to find that lost inspiration and maybe become a competent photographer. So, I took the leap and in 2019, I joined the PPOC and couldn’t wait to start the Accreditation process. There were so many categories to choose from and honestly, I wasn’t sure which one I was going to try first, so I decided to go with Stock. It seemed to be a diverse category, which I thought I would like. It didn’t take me long to apply for the Mentorship program. I hit the jackpot with Victoria West as my mentor. I entered the October 2019 accreditation and got 4 accepted images. I was so excited, but that didn’t last long. Victoria warned me she wasn’t going to tell me what I wanted to hear, and I of course agreed and told myself I would take the criticism. Friends will tell you your photographs are amazing, but that doesn’t help you get better. I kept thinking I can’t wait until I get accredited. The world will suddenly change and open up for the better. By the next accreditation, after getting my bearings, I decided more about what I want to do as a photographer, so I entered an additional category, Canine. I had been photographing dogs, which is one of my favourite things to do! However, when the results came back from both accreditation categories, I think I got only one accepted for each. My excitement deflated. I wanted to give up at times and thought that I just don’t have what it takes. Maybe it was partly the depression, but I think a big part of the problem was in the beginning I thought I was better than I was and the realization of it all had kicked in. With every not-accepted image, I felt as though I was never going to get accredited. For about a week or more after each unsuccessful accreditation I had my pity party and then started all over again. I kept plugging along and learned to listen to my mentor who taught me how to look at photos differently and then something unexpected happened. I actually looked forward to the critique, because I could see where the mistake was and then knew how to fix it or do it differently next time.

At some point when you start looking back at your older images and cringe with embarrassment, I think you know then you’re making progress. Then came the January 2021 Accreditation, where I read the long-awaited words, “Congratulations on your successful accreditation.” I didn’t get my Canine, but finally got my Stock. But it wasn’t what I expected to feel. I was very relieved and happy, but I had always envisioned being over the moon about it. I naively thought my world would instantly change. It’s like a slow progression up a mountain. I got to the first ledge and that was an accomplishment, but ahead there were many more ledges and the top of the mountain was still not visible through the fog. It’s a process that is the first step toward becoming better. It’s tough, exciting, and disheartening at times when your images aren’t accepted and you sometimes wonder if you’re ever going to get better, but the key is to keep trying and listen to all that criticism when they tell you why your image failed, so you can do it better the next time. Nowadays I consider myself an introvert/extrovert. Those scales balanced many years ago. While on my quest for my Canine accreditation, I like to volunteer my time for animal charities, including the SPCA, which got me featured on the CTV Atlantic and the National news when a 17-year-old dog needed a home. These things wouldn’t have happened to the old shy me. A person can lose out on a lot of opportunities by being shy. I gravitated toward people I admired that weren’t shy and then tried to emulate their confidence. As they say, fake it until you make it. Yes, it’s great to be a PPOC Accredited Photographer, but it’s just the first step. Recently, I started to volunteer, which I am enjoying and meeting more members. I’m still working on completing my Canine accreditation, and I’m going to push myself to enter the next image competition. It’s a scary thought, but worth it. I would like to one day put MPA beside my name and somewhere down the road get back some of that lost inspiration. I know I have a lot to learn, but being in the PPOC has been a great educator. If you want to do it, you can. It might take a while, but you will get there.

Shauna Madden

Shauna lives in Cape Breton with her better half, Reggie, best friend doggie, Isla and crafty kitten, Mr. Finn Henry. She lived in the big city in Ontario for 15 years, until the ocean called her back to Nova Scotia. Shauna joined PPOC in 2019 and is Accredited in Stock. She specializes in portraits of pets and people. You can view here work at www.shaunamaddenphotography.com https://www.instagram.com/shaunamaddenphotography s.maddenphotography@gmail.com 902-371-1337