6 minute read
Encouraging Words
Dr. Robert T. Tauber, Ph.D., has had a fulfilling and accomplished career as an educator, but he’s not looking for any praise, just a little enthusiastic encouragement.
In fact, one of his books is based on the negative impacts of delivering praise and the advantages of offering encouragement instead. It’s one of many areas he’s researched related to effective leadership, whether at home, in a business or on a playing field.
Robert, a Professor Emeritus in education at Penn State University, was certified as a physics teacher, guidance counselor, principal and school superintendent before teaching at the collegiate level for more than 30 years.
His findings and expertise have been shared internationally at Durham University, England, and the University of Melbourne, Australia, where he took sabbaticals. His academic travels also included Chile, Canada, Mexico, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Germany, France, Denmark, Italy, Austria, Sweden, Japan, New Zealand and Tasmania.
The Problem with Praise
The topic of praise versus encouragement is one he has used during presentations for leadership staff to improve employee performance. It can also be helpful for parents with young children, and a tactic for anyone to use among friends and family.
“Praise Less Encourage More” is one of more than 20 books Robert has authored.
“When I present this topic, I tell the audience that within one hour, 95% of them will agree to eliminate the word, ‘praise,’” Robert said.
Among his 18 cautions for delivering praise are that it is designed to manipulate, can be used for an ulterior motive, can create a sandwich effect (e.g. “You did great, but …”) and can feel punishing when you expect praise but don’t get it. The 18 cautions make an overwhelming case against the use of praise.
Alternatively, a few synonyms of encouragement are bolster, inspire, energize, restore, embolden, comfort and strengthen. Encouragement is more about asking than it is about telling. Examples of encouragement may include asking a grandchild questions about the colors they used in their drawing, rather than simply saying, “Great picture.” For athletes who miss a goal or strike out, the most important thing a coach or parent should ask is, “Did you have fun?” They could also ask what skills the athlete plans to work on during their next practice. When a friend announces the completion of a project, instead of saying “Good job, I’m so proud of you,” ask them which part of the project gives them the most pride. This helps them become their own chief executive officer.
“Encouragement engages, while praise closes off communication,” Robert said. “After one has been praised, what else is there to say but, ‘Thank you’?”
Encouraging statements may take more time and creativity, but the payoff for the recipient is well worth it, according to Robert. They keep the conversation going.
Delivering Enthusiasm
Robert believes all dynamic presentations hinge on an ability to project enthusiasm; otherwise, you lose the audience, and they miss your message.
This applies to all presenters. Robert recalls supervising student interns, and while their presentation content was good, their delivery came across as boring. He met with them and encouraged them to be more enthusiastic. They seemed to understand his feedback, but as Robert observed them again two weeks later, they were just as boring as before. They didn’t know how to be more enthusiastic.
More than 20 years later, Robert was angry at himself for not teaching the interns how to be more enthusiastic. After his retirement, he authored “Projecting Enthusiasm,” not just for teachers, but doctors, lawyers, politicians, managers and other presenters.
“The key to being a dynamic presenter is being enthusiastic on the inside and projecting it on the outside,” Robert said. “Most people rate presenter enthusiasm even higher than content.”
Good presenters use performance skills such as suspense and surprise, space, role-playing, props, humor, animation in voice and body, and creative entrances and exits to heighten audiences’ interest, attention and positive attitudes.
He has received positive feedback nationwide, as well as from England and Australia, on the book’s findings. He has also had his work translated into Chinese.
Empathy for All
Great leaders are capable of offering empathy; otherwise, they will not last in their role.
“But how do you deliver it?” Robert asked. He answered this question, from a physician’s perspective, in 2020 with his book “Using Empathy as Physicians.” His next book, “Delivering Empathy: Fundamental to Successful Leadership,” will focus on empathy for all.
It may seem some physicians have less time for empathy, but it can help them make a better diagnosis, according to Robert. The most powerful skill which leads to increased empathy is active listening.
Robert references clinical psychologist Thomas Gordon’s roadblocks to communications, such as moralizing, lecturing, judging, praising, ridiculing, consoling or humoring. When these roadblocks are avoided, a listener can better help a person recognize the debilitating feelings surrounding their problem and thus be better able to solve their own problem.
“There’s a temptation to offer advice, but people who are hurting and own a problem need to be listened to, not told what to do or why they shouldn’t feel the way they do,” Robert said. “If you’re an effective listener, you stay in tune, even ‘grunting’ saying such things as ‘Gosh,’ ‘Wow,’ or ‘No kidding,’ but don’t interject."
He recommends paraphrasing facts with questions at the end. Let people address their own problems, so they can resolve them on their own. For those problems that cannot be solved, like the death of a loved one, the feelings surrounding those problems still must be addressed. “The problem with the problem is not the problem,” Robert said. “The problem with the problem is the strong feelings surrounding the problem. That’s the problem.”
Effective leadership, whether in a home, a business or on the playing field, can be reduced to “the five Es,” according to Robert. Leaders must use performance skills to engage an audience, present their message with enthusiasm, offer encouragement, hold high expectations and be ready to deliver empathy.
Next Chapter
What was once something he felt pressured to do, writing books is now a passion of Robert’s which he has continued to pursue in retirement. He has published several of his books using Kindle Direct Publishing, which is a free, easy way for any author to publish their work. “It’s just fun,” he said. “Now I’m writing what I want to write.”
In addition to a general book on empathy, Robert is planning to revise an older one he wrote on oral communication for the vocational technology workforce. He feels these workers need oral communication skills to interview for a job, perform a job well and advance. Off the topic of management, Robert also recently published “Bob’s AUTO Biography,” detailing 40 vehicles that have defined his life, from British sports cars to minivans, and a story to go with each one.
After retiring from Penn State, Robert moved to Florida and taught graduate courses at the University of Florida and Gannon University in Erie. He and his wife, Cecelia, lived at The Villages, a retirement community in Florida, before moving to Elizabethtown. They visited Masonic Village after some friends moved here, and he always knew they’d come here, too.
With a beautiful view from the back porch of his cottage and ample time to write more books, Robert certainly has a lot of encouragement in this chapter of his life.
