ON THE SAME WAVE

Some lucky people are born with a ready-made ability to charm people and attract them. It is easy for such communicative nuggets to find a common language with teachers, colleagues, and management, move up the career ladder, and achieve reciprocal feelings from those they like. To learn how to make a favorable impression on interlocutors, the rest have to work purposefully. It’s good that some universal recommendations do exist here.

We evaluate, we are evaluated — such is life in society. So what needs to be done so that others give us at least “good” but better “excellent”? Just meet their positive expectations — both externally and in manners and actions. Subconsciously, we are all drawn to what we associate with good health and harmony. Thus, in appearance, we first pay attention to basic personal hygiene: face, body, hair, nails, and fresh breath. And we add a well-groomed component: hair is not only clean but also combed/styled, makeup and manicure are skillful and appropriate, clothes are neat, to the face, fit and proper for the occasion, accessories are tastefully selected, perfume is high-quality and unobtrusive.

Then the second stage of non-verbal contact comes into play: how we behave. Good, open posture, moderate and to-the-point gestures, a close look, a sincere smile, and respect for personal space boundaries — all this point to us. Imagine the opposite: a stooped, shuffling subject with shifty eyes on a sour face approaches you sideways and, waving his arms dangerously close to you and spitting saliva, tries to start a conversation. And you are already swinging high on the chandelier inside yourself, tucking your legs in — even if such a person offers you a lot of money for nothing!

When face control is passed, it’s time for words. Here it is essential not only “what” but also “how”: the content, but it would be helpful to work on the clarity of diction and the pleasant sound of the voice; learn to express thoughts wholly and briefly without associative jumps from topic to topic; ruthlessly clean out the wordsparasites from the speech. And also — be active in learning a set of phrases that help maintain cute secular chatter. Yes, even if small talks seem like the dumbest thing in the world, deeper and more exciting communication often emerges from them.

Before a responsible first conversation, it is better to do a little “homework”: find out what the person is interested in, what he has achieved, and what he loves. And, importantly, what he hates: it is helpful so as not to inadvertently wander into his forbidden territory. And it is also recommended to carefully remember his name and regalia: mistakes in such things cause an instant adverse reaction.

Although, in general, psychologists agree that to please the interlocutor, it is much more important not to speak but to listen. A person is arranged in such a way that it is easier and more pleasant for him to talk about his beloved and express his point of view. Yes, and you too. But if the task of making contact and making a good impression is before you, you must put down your ego and let someone else’s unfold. Here are a few basic communication rules that can help you connect with the person and have a positive conversation:

1. Call the interlocutor by name — moderately and appropriately, and not like a would-be salesman on “cold calls”: “Gennady? Good afternoon, Gennady! Gennady! We would like to offer you, Gennady, our unique product... Gennady, where are you!”

2. Try to “become like” the interlocutor. Again, without fanaticism — no need to emphatically copy his stutter or nervous tic, this is easy to read and can be perceived as a mockery. But unobtrusive mirroring of the pose or adjustment to the pace and style of speech can help to “jump” on the same wavelength with a person.

3. Maintain eye contact. But attention, this is not a staring championship — everything should be free and natural! So do not stare directly into the interlocutor’s eyes with an unblinking snake’s gaze, but choose a convenient point somewhere in the area of his nose, and do not forget to blink.

4. Give compliments. Ideally, not the most familiar and obvious. A banal example is praising a beautiful woman, not her appearance, like everyone else, but her mind, a pleasant voice, or some kind of creative talent. The aerobatics here is to recognize something that a person would very much like to succeed in but is still determining if he will succeed.

5. Do not convince. Suppose your opinions on this or that account seriously differ. In that case, it is better to diplomatically change the subject so that everyone stays on their own and does not enter into an argument. First, you need to find a common language with a person, not a different one. And secondly, even if the interlocutor is objectively wrong, and your arguments are reinforced concretely, only some people will be comfortable admitting this in a conversation with a stranger without five minutes.

6. And most important (and challenging) — interest and respect for the person you communicate with must be sincere. The pretense here is very felt and can ruin the whole thing. No, if you are an excellent actor or an experienced spy, you already know how to create the right impression of yourself in people and are quite capable of doing without our advice.