Message in a Bottle

Message in a Bottle By Nick Underwood

When you reach the start of the longest straight stretch of highway in Australia (146.5km BalladoniaCaiguna), anticipation blends with a foreboding of impending boredom. As the driver, without any bends to negotiate you need distractions to keep you alert, and on our recent trip east we found just the thing, Spotto!

First thing we noticed (especially after a circuit of the pristine Apple Isle) was the amount of rubbish littering the roadside. As a Western Australian I was embarrassed to imagine what tourists thought of their introduction to our 'beautiful' state. Anyhow, to the game. Amongst the detritus was the usual proliferation of plastic drink bottles, but what struck me was the number of half-full bottles. Surely Fanta or apple juice aren't that bad that they would be discarded unfinished - and no they aren't. What I discovered in discussion with a welltravelled cocky is that the fluid is urine. Yep, that which goes in comes back out - processed. So who would do this and why? The average traveller wouldn't risk making a mess. If he (by dint of application this is a bloke thing) needed to take a leak he'd surely just pull over and find the nearest bush. No, it needs to be coming from someone who feels they can't afford to stop and is driving a vehicle that's too big to stop just anywhere. Now for all those environmentally responsible truckies out there, take heart. As environmentally responsible 4W drivers, we too have to wear an association with a minority who don't give a sh*t. But feel free to stick it up the tossers in your occupation who obviously don't give a rat's. We understand that it's impossible and probably quite unsafe to pull over a very large vehicle to empty a full bladder and the idea of using an empty drink bottle is a practical option (requisite dexterity notwithstanding). But why throw it out the window when it's just as easy to save it until a scheduled stop, empty the contents and put the bottle in the bin? Laziness and a lack of social conscience are probably the answer. So the name of the game is Spotto. Like counting the number of car bodies on the Great Central Road, see how many pee bombs you can spot on this unique stretch of highway. Nothing like a healthy dose of revulsion to keep you alert at the wheel.