Last Laugh

Plane Food

I’m on a place and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row. I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

Dead Crows

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck - never a passenger car.

A WOMAN IS WALKING HAND-IN-HAND WITH HER HUSBAND ON CHRISTMAS EVE IN MOSCOW

They’re having a nice night when, suddenly, they start to feel a bit of precipitation on their faces.

The woman looks at her husband and says, “Look, dear, it’s raining.”

Her husband tells her, “No, dear, it’s snowing.” Well, this argument goes back and forth for a few minutes until they see the local Communist officer, Comrade Rudolph, walk past.

The husband says to his wife, “Look, dear, there’s Comrade

Rudolph, our local Communist officer. He always knows the truth. We’ll ask him!” With that, the husband shouts, “Comrade Rudolph, is it raining or is it snowing?”

Comrade Rudolph looks to the sky and says, “Raining,” then continues on.

The wife looks at her husband and says, “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

This seemed so statistically unlikely that the city engaged some experts from a local university to study the matter and determine the explanation. What they eventually discovered was that when scavenging, crows always post a sentinel in a nearby tree to warn of the approach of predators or other dangers. The difficulty turned out to be that the crows had no trouble saying “Cah!” but absolutely could not pronounce “truck”

More Plane Food

103 passengers and only 40 meals were loaded on a flight from Melbourne to Brisbane.

The crew didn’t know what to do.

However, the booth boss had an idea. After about 30 minutes of flight, she nervously announced:

“I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners.”

Then he added:

“Anyone who is gentle and kind-hearted enough to give their food to someone else will receive free, unlimited drinks and liquor throughout the flight.”

His next announcement came two hours later:

“If anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 40 meals available.”

Moral:

Drunks have a big heart!!!

THE MONKEY KNOWS EVERYTHING.

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?” The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer. “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. “They were smoking marijuana?” “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey motioned “Screwing.” “They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer. “Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked.” “Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving” motioned the monkey.