7 minute read
Presbyterian Herald June 2022
Fathers & faith
Ahead of Father’s Day this month, Andy Frost looks at the important role fathers play and encourages fellow dads to make the most of the opportunities they have with their children.
It was a blustery November evening as I stood in the quiet intensive care unit with close family. My dad’s breathing slowed, surrounded by complex machines and cables, until he breathed his last and passed into eternity. All the technical apparatus that surrounded his bed could not maintain his earthly existence. His spirit had left... his empty body was now motionless... he had gone. He was 57 years old.
In my dad’s last weeks on earth, as he battled cancer, he lived with the reality of death. It was almost as if he was in a departure lounge between this life and the full newness of life to come. During this time of soul-searching, I had the privilege that not all of us do, of talking with him and reflecting on his life. I had the opportunity to say goodbye.
My dad had achieved great things in his years of ministry and he had some great stories to tell. He had led churches and written books. He had pioneered massive touring productions from which Cliff Richard’s Millennium Prayer reached number one in the charts. He had held massive televised services making the ITV News at Ten, with the likes of Princess Diana. He had travelled the globe speaking at prestigious conferences to thousands of people.
And yet one thing I will never forget in those final conversations was what he described as his greatest pride. It was not the platforms he had preached from or the accolades he had received… but his greatest pride was raising me and my brother.
It’s funny how the reality of the brevity of life helps us verbalise what is most important. Each day as I wake up and glance at my phone there are a barrage of messages and notifications vying for my attention. Thanks to the rise of the smartphone, we can all live busier and more distracted lives than ever and we can lose track of what is most important in life.
Father’s Day is a poignant day for me. Each year on Father’s Day, I do two things. Firstly, I give thanks for my dad. Now it’s important to note that he was not perfect. I have memories of sitting in the car outside his office as he needed just “five more minutes” that would often morph into an hour. There were times when he put public ministry ahead of family. And there were times in my teenage years when our relationship was anything but harmonious.
But despite his shortcomings, I always knew that my dad loved me and that he enjoyed spending time with me. I have great memories of play fighting, cycle trips and dissecting the latest blockbuster movie on the way home from the cinema. He made time to make memories that have been immortalised in family photograph albums.
The second thing I do each Father’s Day is think about the dad that I want to be. My kids are still in primary school but I am so aware of how the years seem to speed up with each birthday cake. I want my children to know that I love them and I want to be present in their lives. At times I fall short of this and even though I am present physically, I can be distracted mentally. And my kids are all too aware of that – “Dad, are you even listening?”
In thinking about being present, I have found it helpful to think about both the regular and the irregular things I can do with my kids. The regular things might seem mundane. It’s the walking them to school, the dropping them off at a gymnastics club, the weekly fried breakfast making and the bedtime story telling.
In my work with Care for the Family, dads sometimes ask whether quality time is in fact more important than the quantity of time? It’s an interesting question and I can understand how in the pressures of life, we might look to create some special moments rather than trying to be present all the time. But in my experience, I think it’s very difficult to create quality time without a certain quantity of time being invested.
It’s in the regular things of life that our children get used to being around us. They pick up on what we care about. And it’s in the regular things of life that we can end up having some very meaningful conversations as our children unpack their day and tell us what they are loving and what they are struggling with. It’s actually in lots of the regular humdrum of life that quality moments emerge.
And then there are the irregular moments. In life, weeks can very easily drift into months, and months into years, and so I look for moments to intentionally spend time with my kids doing things that are out of the ordinary. Some of these moments involve the great outdoors – climbing a mountain or swimming in the sea. But others involve cleaning the car together or upcycling a piece of old furniture. It’s in these mini adventures that I can create memories that my kids won’t forget.
When I think back upon my dad’s life, I am so thankful for the time he spent with me. He spent time with me in the everyday of life, but he also created special moments too. And it was in both the regular and the irregular moments that I now recognise how much he passed on to me. He taught me values and life lessons, our family history and what it meant to live life well.
Ultimately, it was in these moments that my faith story was nurtured too. In the book of Deuteronomy, the Israelites are told to pass on the stories of God to their children in the everyday of life. “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). My dad did just that. He weaved the regular things, like car journeys, and the irregular things, like gazing at the night sky, with snippets about Jesus that continue to underpin my life today.
If you’re a dad this Father’s Day, remember that life is short. Think about what is really important. Whether you have kids in nappies or children who have flown the nest, I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to think through what kind of a dad you want to be. How can you let your kids know you love them? How can you invest time in being present, both in the regular things of life and in those irregular special moments?
Happy Father’s Day.
Andy Frost is the director of Share Jesus International. He is a popular speaker and author of books, including Raising Faith and Long Story Short, and loves working with Care for the Family on ‘The Kitchen Table Project’. Andy is married to Jo and they have two daughters.
