Help with... ‘the talk’

With changing legislation in Northern Ireland around how sex education is taught in schools, David Smyth highlights a useful resource to help parents navigate how they communicate with their children on this topic.

It was the summer after P7; mum was out with my little sisters, and dad and I were washing the dishes...

“You know where babies come from?”

“Eh… yep.”

“And that Santa isn’t real?”

“Eh… yep.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you getting teased at big school.”

My dad is brilliant and from becoming a father myself, my admiration for him has only grown, but the only thing I was sure of by the end of this ten-second conversation was that Christmas Eve just got a lot less exciting.

Changing culture

That was nearly 30 years ago. Since then, the smartphone in your hand has changed the world in all kinds of ways, not least when it comes to how we approach conversations about relationships and sex. While schools teach children and young people some things about relationships and sexuality (RSE), our culture arguably teaches them much more. Let me share just a few statistics that reflect some recent changes:

• It is estimated that by 2035, 50% of relationships in the UK will begin online.

• A YouGov poll found that the number of young people aged 18–24 identifying as bisexual rose from 2% in 2005 to 16% in 2019.

• Today, Apps using artificial intelligence can generate deep-fake pornography using a single photograph of someone’s face.

• A study by Ofsted in England and Wales found that 88% of 15-year-old girls had been sent sexual images they did not want to see and 80% had come under pressure to provide sexual images of themselves.

It’s difficult keeping up with the pace of change right now and perhaps harder still not to freak out... social media, music, TV shows and pornography all communicate powerful and persuasive messages. Some of this content is explicit, but it all communicates implicit values about worth and dignity, the role and value of sex, bodies and human identity. We want to have age-appropriate and meaningful conversations with our children and young people about these things, but let’s be honest – it’s not easy.

Apps using artificial intelligence can generate deep-fake pornography using a single photograph of someone’s face.

Changing legislation

In June 2023, the Northern Ireland Human Rights Commission released a wide-ranging report into the state of RSE in Northern Ireland. It was largely critical of current RSE provision and in my view, frames the current non-denominational Christian ethos within controlled schools as inherently problematic. The report was challenged by many churches, including PCI, both in terms of the process of the investigation that led to the report, and some of the recommendations.

This influential report coincided with the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland introducing legislation that is likely to change the delivery of RSE in schools here. This is a brief summary of what the Secretary of State has said so far:

• The new regulations “will make age-appropriate, comprehensive and scientifically accurate education on sexual and reproductive health and rights, covering prevention of early pregnancy and access to abortion, a compulsory component of the curriculum for adolescents”.

• The Department of Education has a legal duty to issue guidance on the content and delivery of the education to be provided by 1 January 2024.

• A duty will be placed on boards of governors and principals to have regard to the guidance.

• The Department will also be under a statutory duty to make regulations about the circumstances in which, at the request of a parent, a pupil may be excused from receiving that education, or specified elements of that education.

• The Department of Education is to ensure schools afford parents the opportunity to review relevant materials.

• The regulations, in practice, “will result in educating adolescents on issues such as how to prevent a pregnancy, the legal right to an abortion in Northern Ireland, and how relevant services may be accessed”.

Changing the conversation

Many parents and teachers have already raised concerns with us about some of the content that is to be delivered and the ability of schools to continue to teach RSE within their wider nondenominational Christian ethos as per current practice. While the legal changes are much narrower than the recommendations in the report from the Equality and Human Rights Commission, it remains to be seen what exactly will be included in the new guidance.

These changes are concerning, and many are advocating for safeguards when it comes to what exactly is taught and how. In fact, it could be tempting to oppose the teaching of all RSE, or try to withdraw our children entirely. Some campaign groups will inevitably adopt this posture and strategy. Yet, in my view, this would neglect our duty to bear witness to the gospel in its broadest sense. Relationships and sex are good gifts to humanity from a good God and we want to see every young person thrive in this plural society. So this is not about forcing our beliefs on anyone but professing and advocating the gospel as good news for every area of human life, including relationships and sexuality education. While the content of lessons in the classroom is important, so is what happens in the playground – 93% of 11–15-year-olds have smartphones and so we need to have better conversations with our children at home.

While the content of lessons in the classroom is important, so is what happens in the playground…

Maybe past sins or an ongoing secret struggle with pornography makes you feel hypocritical or disqualified from saying anything at all? These are complex and sensitive issues going to the heart of our beliefs, identity and relationships – and indeed our own failings. So we come to these conversations with humble hearts, as saints who often continue to struggle with our own sinfulness.

But as well as the challenges, consider the amazing opportunities for parents and carers to help children and young people form a good and healthy understanding of identity, relationships and sex.

This is about discipleship – helping our children follow Jesus in today’s rapidly changing culture. This will involve intentionally modelling good relationships to them, teaching them the bigger story of Scripture; helping them to navigate contested issues with truth and grace and cultivating space for distinctive beliefs and practices, forgiveness and redemption.

This is also about mission – modelling the good, true, and beautiful story that has changed our lives and the world. And we might be surprised to find that we share a lot of common ground with nonChristian parents when it comes to lots of these issues.

All of this is why we designed ‘Time to Talk’ to help parents and carers have better conversations about RSE with their children and their school. It covers issues like pornography, abortion, sexual harassment, gender identity, coming out, and consent. It also gives that bigger picture of the Bible story and the cultural story, where they intersect, where there is common ground and clear distinctives. It’s packed with tips to help make these conversations honest, gracious, Christ-centered, and transformative.

So be encouraged – in the midst of very real cultural and legislative change, the challenges and the opportunities, it’s time to talk…

David Smyth is head of Northern Ireland at the Evangelical Alliance and an elder at Legacurry Presbyterian.

PCI’s response

Through the Council for Public Affairs, PCI is actively engaging with the Department of Education and CCEA on the proposed changes to the RSE curriculum. A public consultation on the new guidance for RSE in relation to contraception and access to abortion is expected later in the year, along with a consultation on opt-out provisions for parents.