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more careful? Godrits awfulrthey ought to know four were male and two female. better,its so dePrePsing. " "Christ, the smell, lts fou1. " '.,,,.severelyt burnt and reports coming in black' I pop open my eyesrny legs form I line of to- indicate..... (i ur"ir bfacX,tn6 eirlbur of death),pointing so depresslng,the news is so depressing. " wards the glowing embers of tonights fire. I am "fts "Drink?' the aware only-of the silence of the windows and "What? " permanence of glase. t '.....and the full death-count wilI.,..,. the sits in it is 5.l1pm. rIhe elderly gentleman you uP. " "Do you want a drink,it will cheer reelining lrmchalr watching a news reportt TO THAT CLINGS FLESIT COtD.FROZEI'] COLD.FUCKING llluminated in the multicolours of the cathode-
ray. ' .: . . . . of a rnultiple
plte up on the highway t and..... London between How terrLble. " "Terrlble. t . . . . . into a brldge. . . . t
"So depresslng,nolhlng good,so qepfggslng'' | . . . . .-cleaths f,ive been confirrned althou$h.. . .' "Oirttngr come and see thls rwhY aren't people
THE PISTOI GRIP.
"Depressingrrlornor l'II have one after the weather reportrnot nowrno, The weather report will be on soon. " "Turn down the sound. " "What? Vlhat ? " "Tunn down the eoundruntil the weather report.' 'llo , no , I llke to know wha tb happenlng. The news T
{, i.'s
3-
"Come on fucking well move ov€f . 'f I touch the dry whi te snow. C risp as I i'dIGHT HAVE BEEN. My head is dried up now. The brulses are now but a sharp pain. A silly self-infliction, Itlaybe rati onalls ed away . He pulls her across the bed forcing hls body between her legs, "Nowlbloody we1l lie still will you? " The super^market is offerlng cut prlees on jams, eondensed mllk and dog foods. All three are cheap. heated and poured +11 threermixed togetherrgently into a medlum size gockrcan be fucked. Cats ean be fucked in the arse. Larger anlmals, goatsrsheepreows etc.,ean be fueked in the cunt and arg e. "Its 9.3O, " "Wel1? " "Itg 9.30. " She runs the tip of the vibrator across her
clltorlsrdownrpast her euntrto her arserthen "You, "she slghs, "Youi 'Cant t have them. ' you mean to say "I think what I " No, I can t, I mean can t t. ',
baek.
AGAINJ.
"i'liee,
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. SOl O [,'IiO, !{IO APARTIIVIENTO.
i' JOs , very nice.
IT. "The boys. " TAKE
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GIRL Readlng this celebration, Shrinklng away. Now,Nou GiqI. l'ly breath is fou1..-.f.gpm stifled in thought A DIMENS ION . BASTARD . ldove , over. The ray. CATHODE . The rays slice between these VISIONS. Bought out. SOLD, I am named F0ul,nafled FOUL. Three pins. THU VI RGI i{. The_ two boys leap onto the body of the srnall girl pools of blood pattern the turquoise blorrse, t[e alter-eloth. The eldest bo,v takes out his priek, "Suek this fucker,suck this. "
HS{?,IHE C}{IID IS DEAD. The chrysanthemums r The glass of the apartment miss ts 'in the cool of the EVEI\iING. The cattle press against the perimeter fence. lrly head contracts, The pain runs in sharp lines across the TEI'{PLES. I toubn the
tender eyelldsrtorn in stained vision. TTIIS CHURO CHR IST. You goodly s ouLs , The bodies are limblessreaten by the acid of time "I think not. " The blackened flakes of cRrsP flesh are scattered The small girl in the yellow pleated dress and in these DRY boxesrso deeply hidden. turyuoise blouse, falls back onto the orange and COLD BY fHE GRANITE ROCK, Lost in the swirl of brown carpet. The crack on her forehead purnps out sand, another cry r voice, PARODY. a mlxture of blood and tissuerllluminated bt the The car, I wash the car. I have scoreil grains of BLUE of the cathode-ra$. mud from the iIEADLIGi{TS illumination of these gre: ' . . . . . the German terrorist group responsible f,or. . ' threads that SPilttD US A,/AY. 'Ihe boCies lay STILL The bland of eathocle-ray. The television that puplps in the vinyl mouldings of the interior. I RETUitl{, as it SUCKS. Foetal rhythmsreontraetionsrthe CHILD at night. TURNS IN THE Vi0lvlB. Crawllng into the othenrise TH}.:SACRAM E N T ._',#*; unlit room. "Hold it there, there. " "Bastards, fucking bastards. " Gulls mlrror the white that breaks upon the Cull The hammer smashes into the back of the neekl the gfey oeean. She whistles a tune, SOBEI1. head is severed from the SPINAI COI.,UMN,sprays of O lirlo gorgrBrgyrredrbiue. Splashes of cathoderRAY,sperm, SOL The spi t is f orcerl through her teeth in the. stains ln the nightmare. Splashes on the vinyi struggle for hlgher pitchrcaught and carried in c orrcFl. the wind, AFTERNOOI{. Settled in the bankers haII .'BASTAR)S'" way. Again and again and again. Her FATHOR moves "The srnelI , Chris t, the smell , ', quietly towards her through the soft green grass. John be home f or tea? ,' " ill " I AM NOT l{E, "he s houts into her terri f i erl face, "I don't know he's so unpredictable, " "Noic HE, " "Over. 0ver you bastard,' "Those lovely child.renrsee thererthere., . rL00K. . . . "DeI So1. that neangr r r rwhat does it mean?" 0H F 0R GooDl,tnss SAKE, L00K, "It means sunrdoesn.t it?' "They Flay like lambs. " "Yes I think it does. . , 0 . how clever Of you dear. ,' "Its the boys ,I'm womied about the boys . " "!111 you be needlng this anymore? " The elderly man looks at the back of his hands, "I havenIt been using it. " WEATHERED. "They o1d, they them. " "1,Ie11 someone has and it wasn' t m€. " T I ME The hammer !q plaqgd in the shed with the body"You bastards , off,OFF. " They sllde away froro his bag.0N 'fHE MEAT {00K. gestures in the blue light of the threatenlng "Cos ta, " TEIEVIS I OiV s et . t,....a,f€ expected to meet sometime in the sprlng "Cos ta? " i' "Cogta. wgstgrn power€ arg. , .'. . . t F.U.C.K.E.D. Nowrgive it a restr ASTATEOFEI{ERG' E N,E Y "LIB STITL,BASTARD. "Struggles ln the ECSfACY. YES. "Bastard. " Itls hook. I have bought and stood by them. The products. "Mum, its me, I'm worrled about the boys. " They line the street where I walkrcaught tn their The bruises cleared. DulI ache. Memory. Caught. derislon. I SENSE a fear that perhaps these ARE Inflictetl. Sober metamorphosls by HIS ilIASTERthe reality of my existence. I sought to destroy PIECE. f have no GRIP. SIid by the lakesiderby these animals. In indifference. I see illunination them, REDIRECT THEIR power, played with th.e lCea of ARI{S , BULLETS , SHOT lrlto the rnayhern, defense agains t BEFORFI 'Itl$ PI{OEI'IIX, I draw foeus on the BRAIN, the sllent oppressor. I have publicly shouted out lnterpreted, eyes that lnform, the interminable my distastera bitter BABEL that pucker^s THE IIOUTH dlstance between the BOTH. Suspended FORM. A Splt. Now perhaps I etrlde out agaln into that "The boyg. " snow covered fleld to stand halfway between and tlme agaln. "Tirne "
is won't."
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'I ' \rE 'IoLD YOU." "If Itve told you once Itve told you ... o...., " "How tqany tl-mes do I have to......,." AGAI N,ACnN/tClrN. Strapped to the wall of the asylrrm. AGAIN. CHRIST,
resting polnts. TO STAND BEWITDERED ACAIN AND I feel the ice about my bootg. I WEAR BtACKrIltts CoLOUR OF DEATH. FLgETING IN [Iy ARROGANCE, I turn to you. ACAIN AND AGAIN.
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The sqme qmount of trosh thqt's in front of this house
For a moment she wanted
to hold
them
stlllrn€ver let
them grow up.
wife was recgverlng from a n6rvous breakdown sherd had two years earller on reallslng that she would never have chlldren. She would wear down her resistance, Women dld and her beauty was a powerful weapon. Logan hadn't seened to care durlng thelr €etrangenent. .f have to see yolr,. Karen Reilmores heart sank as she read the meseage thrust uncler the door of her luxuriou8 London apartment. The Flambeau ga8 1og effect fire ls shl61ded by a heatproof smoked-glags plllar . through which-flarned can,be Eeen. lhe gla8s whsn framed with stainless stee] makes an attractive feature ln any Lounge. Her husband lvas beck. Thls nran uho so obviously felt nothing for her. At the hall lisa adnltted she wes piegnant. Fertilisatlon haal b€en ar,hleved by artificlal lnsernlnatlon wlth her husbands sper:n which had been kept frozen for several nonths after he dled of cancer. "TeIt me the truth' " he grateal, then pulled her roughly into his arma' hl's care8gea brutal, Thought1e86,she stepped off the pavoment.Th€re waa a squeallng of braksg.Shouts... when--cons cI ouoness leturned she was ln the hospital.Een gave an impatlent nurner, "I'11 teave you glr1s tci talk' ok?" Karen noatdsd dully. she reverted to her brlttle artlflclal nanner of spsech. "Have you told your nother?" Eh€ donranded. EII€6n loot€d aroundrher nouth tlght rith lrnpatllnce. "Il only $e could all stop pr.trnatlng" sh€ thought. "She,lBnit vory plaesod about lt t'mafraldr but for m thls has cotrd in tho nature of e blesg1ng. i'vc bccn wondcrlng r,hat to do ulth ny8.1f for a rdrlle nou". Daves
ail lsn't quite as weLl between you and Ben as you'd both have me believe but GoC irilllng, I shatl hold my flrst grandahild in rny arnB.Lets keep our fingdrs crossed Cod puts temptation in our way in order to strengthen our faith and develop our "I
know
chapacters says Canon R.C. Stevens,
'.It doesn't rnatter" she saiC tonelessly. Hoir coul.d he taLk as if nothing had changed ?hey stlLl pretended even though only four nights ago he had flung all the sanre o1d accusatlons at her ln his rage and loet control of his enotlons. She was deterrnined not to give him the chance to touch her. It seemed inpossible for thcrn to be together wlthout bitternese. So wasn't it better to be Bllent? She lacked the Etrength to fight anymor6. He iralted, hls face darkrset full of anger. The sLlence b€tween them was a tanglble barrler. "Don't argue", he sald in a low hareh volcer'JuEt don't bother." But why, why for tvto long endless years? She threw the portable televislon at him and screamed that Ehe wanted to get rid of the baby.
"I wad feellng guLlty. " "It wa6 your hair, the way you used to wear lt
when
I flrgt
met you. "
He ga.ve her clothes, noney and jewels.Took her to parties and night c1ub6, anywhere Ehe-cou1d be adnrlred.' Admiratlon had become a drug she could not do wlthout.
exploded. "lltarry her, .that whore?" Rose go you'should bitter" he explaLned softly,"there's going to be a baby. not be "RoEe-, "1{e have total control over the whole human rac€'rDr. wexford comnented. "You will have everythlng you want. " Except the things she loig-ea for. His love,a share
df hls Ilfe and a chlfd of hls. llstened "I forget. "He lied.. ne. wai"tq-d-f,qr. the lash of her bltter tongue.Nlco1e rhe arrlved. blank1i.....She woultt get {n-d-ofd' fool ofi thd tel.phone-rYhcn But NlCole was kl11ed when Cavin Hepworth's fast car gkidded ori an alpln€ road. "She
ter, fatal, destructive and without a conscience." The marriage was a disasterrit only lasted four montha. For the first time in roy into another Ilfe there-waE nobody around to catch me when I fe1l. Consequently. I went said I was a when folded my fath6r that b;e-;;;i;e; ior exalt1y the sarne reasons. was all,/a]'s
a
mons
disgrace,
,'These dayE,"sald Janlce, toi{ard6 the end of the coffee mornlng, "my husband and my ctiiia oornl iirBt,then ny'famlly and my health. Joe and I are so blessed with naterlal
thlngs
.
beautiful thlngs", Sandra explained to her neighbour whilst the kids were watching T,V. ,rour marvellous kitchenrtne stereorthe colour televislon and the lovely rugs and carpetsrand of course our key to freedom' the car and boat." Sacon cones from plgs speeifically brecl for the purpose. The bacon is pink and 8o1d "A11 the
only ln vacuun packs. Beset wlth problerns I,d have to solve before the long hours were over and it wa6 tirne to slnk exhauEted lnto tears and s1eep. A demantllng and dlffleult father, regardlng hls children not as individuals.rso much as eii€nifins of hlm6el-f. Bobby 'fubula nave to excel ln all departments . Looks. Erains. Athletlc abillty. Leadership. ind llnda, aLready obviously _rather cfever' would have to grow up beauilful as weIl. After allrthey were His children, weren't they? Roaemary is taII and rather caustLc. She'a been happily and auccessfull-y dlvorced thr6e tlmes. r mother. Josephlne and l.like. r/e tnree. E+c9p!.,....i added the I alrew three people 'or Jti"i rig"r" i man. rt-lookad much better nowrmore satisf;ring'1he family as it really oight to be. ',I turned on the te1Iy Just to cheer then up a bit..Bionlc womanlit'e thelr favourlte. Alone in her hoteJ roomrAgetha unpacked her caEe. She took out a hot-water bottle, a .
comb and two she set up a
the pain?
bottles of mediclnerone'of which was narked'poison'. 0n the bedside table leather frarned photogrdph of her chiId. l{ou1d she evqr be released from
"I an now nearing'the 'change of lifo' and I am womled about hovt long you should $ait before stopping precaqtione. Three girls at work have Left ln the last year to have babies. I flx a perpetual emlle 6n my face,when a1!. the tirnâ‚Ź I'D knotted up inside with Jealousy. "when are you going to make your mum a granny then?" It is.harde,st ln the beglnning when your fingers are still used to baby dolLs. The .only perfulne I rea1Ly Like is 'Y', by YveE Strlâ‚Źurent.It remlnds me of ny wlfeand wa have three chitdren to prove hgw I feel about it. tYhat wouLd I chooEe for myself?Again there is only one'Aramis'by EBtee Lauder the smeLl is nan1y, tangyl lt is the only one I've founil that has -lnstant ser appeal. I{e felt guilty. You shouldn't shout at daddy. They were back t6'not speaklng tq each other that. evening. After an early lunch she swltched on the televlslon for the boys.Sarah g-ave herself. a faclal,then- curled up. ln the big arnchair. She couldn't resist hdving iust one look tb see if they were realIy love let-ters. "uly dea{rit's the intlraacy I missrwaklng each norning, complaining about the weather or= thd niwsrdiseussing th'e chlldren' burning the toastrlistening to the wireless .
argulng.
.
l{d raroly speak
each other now and when we alo it go from here. I'n so insecure.
know where
I'11
.
to
ls hardly worth it.I iust
He twisteat the hoirk from the nackerel'8 g4splng nouth and baehed side of the. pail.
its
don't
head agalnst.the
'This is the real me' I pumed at the full Length mimor. I wo.re pale grey floating chiffon, the exact colour of my eyes, my hair as smooth as silkr curling up at the ends an-d hl_gh heeled sandaLs consisting of mere wisps of leather ribbons ' llfill
rl
Happy, c
not onl*il{ many ye&i "I supp "My mot
at
aborr
blurted and thi
We were Es
tate
,
weII it ovely The 'La
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comfort which o arrneha
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The ba obvl ous mothe
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nise
thi!
urge toil
Depres s exhaus t
The ehl already
Her fa They cu 0rrr Dsv S
o thin
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resolution is THERE
PR0CESS'PR0CESS
is HCRIZONTAI.
is N0 absoLution in H0RIZONTAI time/spaee
It is TIIROUCH the seience of PERSPSCTtrVE that those mlllions have died/THE I THAT IS tttg LAI. ABOVE NAT-.'RE.MAN ABOVE.ilIAN,iI{ A N . I{ A N I
}I..A.N
Man A bove Nature. Tl{E R00T 0F THE DOMINANCE/ MASCUTINITY/MITITARY/iqATIONATIST/NAZI THAT IS I{AN MAN
MAN MAN
forget the death-CAl1'1P5/they are as nothing against that FINAL solution that is the man
lFOvg nature/torn in HIS own NATURES/uIAN has his final s oluti onA ootw 0RlH/Ic I/F0RD/REMSi'{BER/ REMEIt'IBER/THE CORPORATION/IESI tlE TORGET/TTTE DEAT}I OF THOSE CAMPS ARE AS NOTHING AGAI}IST THSSE F0RCES/IHAT TIIAT THESE F0RCES
solution
HAS A COMPASSION can NEVER REALISE /the cham-
subjugation you wear it for THElvl/there is N0 absolution because you seek resolve /there is no resolve becau$e you seek agreement in your owll schizophr:enia/because. you seek resolve in the R0AIITY YOIJ PERCEIVE/you seek no answers ' though you delrrde yourself that that is yorrr aiffiou seek only the subjugated( fascist)agree-
ment( eompr.ornise ) froin
the strpnnsh0RE/you wear i t f or rffiulin
your
I
,1
.l
your question( the nazi
:4
ou*riora)/you do nob ieek iltumination/you do not seek tb illuminate,/you sEEK T0 sHARil (promote)youR O'dN DARKNESS.you lead to the death-camp because you are led there/there are those ( THAT HAVE NoT ''il0RN THAT S[AR) that you would CAST OU'I ENtIREIY{not for them the dignity, of the cross and chamber)/ttrt THE EXPtOI'IATI0N AND VIOTATION THAT YOU ]NSURE IN YOUR USE O}' I l,lODES(one agalnst tne othei,both in self and With OthEr)YOU BEIIEVE THAT YOU ACHIEVS A SII{C-
,
,
/VOU SEE TO YOUR O!{N SXECUTION/YOU ARE. 3OTH FASCIST AND NAZI/BOTH ONE AND IHE OIHER/ ULARITY
bers now are slow t0 KII,L/BUT KILI ffiEY flILL/ you hold your left hand in your r.ight and, AGAIN & AGAIN t AGAIN/your life ls a SE&UNTIC against this judenhetze/you STRUGCIE to PAY the IAUCHING, you walk to your death/CHRISf DIED. ofnnlonns 0F 'iurs REGIiIE/you can never be free/ FoR r\l0 0NES SINS BUT HiS 0'i{N/Y0U BESI DE rlIM/ YOUR 0'rrN FASCISM is tlre seaL to itlYitijR SU'tsJUGA- THE SIN 0F resolution/nVnRYlody on THAT TRUdI( IS A CHRIST/every a chrisI/VICTII'{S 0t' THEIR TION/you are led BY Y0URSEIF to ftl0sE D00RS/ 0'ilN FASCISM/so you sit before your overlords, you al"e led in your aceeptance/CllltlsT TBADS/ lmn x L3 ADS/P 0P S/ts ilD DH A/i{ I',ItE R/C AR',I0R/C ALTACHA I'll your churches, your templesr your schoolsr your 'IHEY [8AD within YOil/you are following BECAUSE eourts of law, your SMUTTY SURGCIRY, awaiting , YOUR P|IIAL FR0m BAYER, your own VERY personal YOU ALL0W, Y0URSEIF' to be BUT HAL]" 0F THEM'BUT IIALF 01.' Y0tl/the nouvear,l RXI(li{ are thc survivors POISON/you torture yourielves in your- temples of greed/ you stare at the goods behind the of the third riche/your avarice and clesire is the gas you r,vlll breathe, the bullwhip. that will PIATE-OLASS as those striped victims stared from the barbed sire/ mark your I'LESH, the fist, the SALUTS/Y0UR DLY/ NAZI SUPBii-CHRISTS F'I[L f][E AIitdAVgS SVSftY THEY ,dAKE YOU v'IITH THEI;i I'IA'IRXD EV0RY DAY/ TH0Y AR0 PRESSNf [ViJitY DAY/and on SArURDAY you wear your yello,w star to the HICH S'IREBI and
il
,
i
'
fHE POIISH I,ANDSCAPB BEYOND THfi CCIIqFIiYES OF TREBIIM{A, IS THE CONSUil1ER PRODUCT BEYOND THE
CONFINNS OF, THE HIGH STREBT. COI{MUTER TRAINS ARE THE SAME CATTLE TRUCKS.
,I'HOSE
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AI,{ NO F'EEBLE CHRIST,/NO.I TE/1],8 HANGS IN GI,IB DELIGHT UPON iIIS CROSS,/ABOVE IUY HEAD,/CHRIS'f/ FORGIVE?,/SHIT/F'IICRh VOI,{IT FOR YOU JESU/SHII fORGIV9,/DOWN NOW FROI,I YOUR CROSS,/DOIVN NOW FROM YOUR PAPAI., HEIGHTS,/FROII THAT CHURLISH SUICIDE/PETULAIIT CHILD/DOI{N FROM THOSE PIOUS vour r H E rGi{TS/RoyAr, FLAG -B sA RER/G oA T /stLl,t /t
non you/r'onctvet,/sxrr Hr t-onorves,/ttE itAllcs rN cRUcrFrED oer,rcHr,/Nert,gD To rHE EXTENT oF Hrs
vt s t ott,/x rs c n os s,/ttl s t,t.c, ltHoou,/v r oi,e Nc e,/cur Ln,/ srru,/ne i{oul,D \-Arr, ilty BoDy rtpoN Hls cnoss,/ s u r c r D E v t s t o lr.c.ny,/oeAtH R IJVELr,en,/nAK.E,&lp r s r,/ Lrl'E FUcKE n/ t gsu /nmrntioven,/cHRtstus,/crtAve ctccen,/you DUG Tt{E GRAvES oF Auscirr{rrz/trtn sort, oF TREBLTNKA rs youR curt'1,/youn srN/ l,u,strn/unsTER oF cone/sNrcwvou CARRY Tr-ts STANDARD oF youR 0pPRESSrou,/eNor,l rs YouR c.trery/rHe BoDrEs oF HrRosHrMA ARE youR oerrcnr/tHE NArrs ARE THE oNLy rRrNrtv./notp THEM rN youR coRpsEy cRAcEr,Essiwss,/tae rMAcE r HAvE HAD To surL'nR/tttE cRoss rs rHE vrRGrN BoDy oF wolirANHooD/mm you DeFrr,e/vou Harr, youRsBr,F To youR own sttrt/l,AIvtEARSE JESUS cArLS t,ir stsneR,/tHERE ARE No vtoRDS FoR t{r collrsmpt,/
.
EVERY WOI/IAN IS A CROSS IN HIS FIITHY THEOLOGY,/ Hrs ARRocANT DErrcHr/ne runrus Hrs BAcK upoN t'E rN Hts nnnn,/Hg DARE Nor FAcE Me,/relRFucxgn/
sl{ARE NorHrNG you cHRrsr /srnattn/nponnnt/ FUcKLovE pRopr{nr op oe.q,m,/you ARE THE ULTTMATE p 0R N ocRApHy/r m y ouR c uNTpe.tn,/c oc rFEAfr.,/MA NFEAR,/ otr,lA NI.IiAR,/UI\lnenglrAnFnRe,/Wennenezfu en r ffie/ JESUS DIED irOR HIS O'vYN sINs NOT tufNn/
1V