MARRYING IN CHURCH Traditions

MARRYING inMARRYING in CHURCH CHURCH

Marrying in a church provides a beautiful backdrop for your special day as you say your vows before family, friends and before God. Here, we explore why and how to marry in church...

“To have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer”

Church of England Wedding Vows

‘To have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer’, these timeless vows will make any bride’s heart skip a beat. However, the number of church weddings are decreasing and only 27% of couples choose to get married in a church or religious building. There are many reasons for this; many people are raised without religion or they’re choosing to marry somewhere other than their traditional parish, whilst some may view churches only as places for those who are keenly religious. Other couples may simply like the idea of having their ceremony and reception all in one place.

The church is trying to counter these reasons and marrying in a church is now easier and more relaxed than it has ever been. The uniqueness and splendour of a church wedding is something that other venues cannot live up to. The history of a church wedding and knowing that millions of other couples over the centuries have made their commitment to each other in that same place is a wonderful feeling and makes you part of something special which other venues cannot offer.

Church buildings are places of outstanding beauty and can be described as having a ‘peaceful’ or ‘serene’ atmosphere. For some couples, religious or not, the church simply seems the ‘proper’ place to get married.

In October 2008 The Church of England changed their marriage rules and as long as certain conditions are met, you can now marry in any parish where you have a connection. These connections include being baptised or confirmed in the parish, if either the couple or the parents of the couple have lived in the parish for a period of at least six months, if either the couple or the parents of the couple have regularly attended normal church services in the parish for at least six months or of the couples parents or grandparents were married in the parish.

With these relaxed rules it is possible for couples to get married in any church of their choice and with the Church of England having approximately 16,000 churches across the UK there is a huge choice. The Revd., Sandra Millar, Head of Church of England Life Events says “Wherever possible, churches want to say ‘yes’ to the couples who want to get married in a church. It’s such a privilege to be part of this special moment in each couple’s life, and every wedding will be different.”

Once the couple have chosen the church, they will need to call the vicar to let them know the good news and arrange a time to discuss what happens next. This is the time when some couples worry and they think the vicar is going to interrogate them on reasons why they want to get married in a church, but this is not the case at all. The vicar will put the bride and groom at ease and the meeting will give the couple a chance to get to know the vicar and answer any questions and suggest readings and hymns. At this time the couple can also book the organist, bell ringers and in some churches, there will be the option to have the church choir. Three months before the wedding, the banns will be read. These are an ancient tradition and are the first announcement in church of your intention to marry and a chance for members of the congregation to put forward any reasons why the marriage may not lawfully take place. After the banns are read the congregation may also pray for the bride and groom and their marriage which can be a special and moving experience. Many couples like to be in church when their banns are being read. The marriage banns must be read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding and then again on the wedding service. During the wedding ceremony the congregation will be asked to come forward if they know of any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place, there is then a dramatic pause and the dreaded EastEnders moment... but for 99% of couples this bit in the service will pass by without a glitch! Usually Church of England wedding services last about 30 to 45 minutes. The marriage vows are at the heart of the ceremony and spoken before God and in front of the couple’s family and friends. The marriage vows used are unique to church weddings, the words cannot be re-written or changed in any way for legal reason and they are the words of commitment which define the marriage. >>

Aaron Collett Photography.

>> The couple can add something additional at this time if there is something they want to say to each other in this setting or they can choose an additional reading from a poem or book which describes their feelings to each other. The completion of the marriage ceremony is the giving of the rings which is the symbol of unending love. After this the couple will sign the register creating a legal record of the marriage. The uniqueness and beauty of a church wedding is undeniable. Marrying in a church is personal, meaningful and the timeless atmosphere adds a spiritual dimension to the wedding, even if couple do not have defined ‘religious’ beliefs. One local couple who recently married in one of the county’s parishes said “After visiting this church we knew this was the place we wanted to get married. It was such a beautiful building and with the tranquil atmosphere, no other venue could compare. Our Vicar, Chris was helpful, friendly and very funny. He took the time to get to know us as a couple and his sermon was personal to us.” Revd. Sandra Millar also says, “A wedding day is so very special. It should be happy, it should be joyful and above all it should reflect the love that is at the heart of every marriage.” “Couples can just ask a church about their hopes and dreams for their wedding day. They may be surprised at the choices open to them and discover that the spiritual depth of a church wedding can be part of their story too.” n 18

WEDDING COSTS... Words: Carissa Smith.

If you choose to marry in a church, it will be a beautiful and personal ceremony, but it doesn’t mean you need to spend a fortune. The legal fee for marrying in your home parish is £496 or £540* if you marry outside your local parish. The fee includes the cost of the vicar, the church, reading and the certificate of banns, marriage certificate and lighting. There are, however, some ‘optional extras:’

n Adding heating in the church. The older the church, the colder the building. Your vicar will be able to give you a price if applicable. n Church organ and organist, approximately £70. n Bell Ringers, this can differ from church to church but usually between £120-£160. n If the church has a choir, they may be available on your wedding day. This can be between £50-£100 depending on the number of people in the choir. n The support of a verger who will ensure the church is warm, tidy and can help with handing out Orders of Service and hymn books etc. This can vary from parish to parish but is approximately £50. n Extra copies of the marriage certificate are £4 each on the day and £11 each afterwards. It may be worth getting a second copy of the marriage certificate as you will need to send your marriage certificate away to have your name changed on driving licences and passports. n Some churches can also print Orders of Service.

An outstanding marriage begins with an outstanding venue...

Friendly Team and Luxury Accomodation

Stately Home and Fabulous Walled Garden Church and Civil Licensed Venue

Lady Leila and Sir Jamie Benton Jones lead the Weddings at Irnham Hall and are always on hand to help with any questions and in the case of rain to direct operations to ensure smooth running of the day.

The recommended caterers are Black Peppermint and Jeeves Catering who deliver wonderful food and service tailored to your needs. Alternatively you can discuss specially designed menus by Michael Prescott, chef at the Griffin Inn.

Lady Leila and Sir Jamie Benton Jones lead the The team will recommend suppliers such as photographers

Weddings at Irnham Hall and are always on hand to and florists and DJ's should you wish. Luxury Cottages, help with any questions and in the case of rain to updated Pub Rooms at Estate owned the Griffin Inn, direct operations to ensure smooth running of the day. plus the Brides Cottage to sleep up to 45 guests.

The recommended caterers are Black Peppermint and Jeeves Catering who deliver wonderful food and service tailored to your needs. Alternatively you can discuss specially designed menus by Michael Prescott, chef at the Griffin Inn. The team will recommend suppliers such as photographers and florists and DJ's should you wish. Luxury Cottages, updated Pub Rooms at Estate owned the Griffin Inn, plus the Brides Cottage to sleep up to 45 guests.