7 minute read
Mandate Morals By Angeli Marie Shaw
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
As 2021 comes to an end, 2020 may feel like a distant memory, but for many, both years have been a continuous blur of navigating the unknown, juggling feelings of uncertainty, coping with continuous restrictions and lockdown, and digging deep for a resilience and strength that we never knew we had.
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For me personally, I’ve had to overcome so many things that I never ever fathomed I’d have to deal with, let alone during a global pandemic, and although I can somewhat pat myself on the back for making it this far, the truth is, I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted by strength. I’m worn down with holding a prolonged sense of resilience, not knowing when I can just let go and be. I long for support. I want softness and I want ease. I no longer want to be patted on the back for how well I take a hit, or how many I take. I just want the hits to stop. For the first time ever, I dream of never being called resilient again in life, because in my mind, life just isn’t meant to be lived like this.
Now, in case you’re wondering, no, I haven’t given up. Far from it, however after working this whole time at home on a laptop with very little physical interaction, I’ve decided that now is as good a time as any to allow myself to just be, and whilst I run a killer zoom meeting with all the mojo and motivation, behind the scenes I have allowed myself to soften, whether it be letting the tears flow unrestricted, sitting in my pj’s all day with an unwashed face and hair (ok, I’ll be honest, the shower is totally skipped) or a taking myself offline to remain present in my own world. Sure, the world is beginning to open up, with restrictions beginning to ease, and many have been able to celebrate ‘freedom’, however the topic remains, what is going to happen moving forward? And what do you do if you’re torn between what you think is right, and what you’re told is right? Now before I go further, I want to emphasise that I am not trying to initiate a debate. We all know that there is so much grey to what is happening across Australia. In fact, some of you may say it’s not grey at all, it’s black and white. Regardless on your viewpoint, there are so many that are simply torn, and for those, we need to hold space.
Now I could discuss all the things we can’t do, even go into the mandates and their complexities set across each state, but I won’t. What I will do though is discuss what we CAN do, and although some of these may seem minor in comparison to the bigger picture, as the saying goes ‘a journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step’. Here’s some steps you can take…
1. CONNECT WITH COMPASSION.
To live a compassionate life, requires both softness and strength. We can all claim to have a strong backbone, but this should be complimented and balanced out with a soft front. After all, our very existence is filled with opposites; light and dark, joy and pain, ying and yang. It’s safe to say that challenges in life are inevitable, but to what degree we suffer from them is up to you. Compassion involves acknowledging that all lives are just as important, sacred and of value, just like your own. Think of compassion as a motivational state, and this motivation could take the form of action, such as stepping in and helping, or simply offering kindness. Celebrating imperfection is also a form of compassion and by accepting that we all will never share the same feelings or point of view, allows us to accept our own imperfections, and in turn allows our softness and strength to show through. Note that with this compassion comes setting boundaries, but I’ll go into more detail about that further down.
2. LANGUAGE MATTERS AND CREATES OUR REALITY.
The words we choose and the way we use them persuade, influence and affect how people view the world, including ourselves. Our language matters. Words do more than just reflect reality; they create reality. The power in the words that we use should never be underestimated. Whether it be vocally, written down or posted online, words have the power to make people feel understood, valued and supported, however, they can also make people feel undermined, misunderstood, stigmatised and excluded. We only have to jump on social media, and we are immediately presented with examples where words can support or exclude. Now I am not implying that people post such words with the intent of excluding others, but we do all hold a responsibility for the power behind our words. Try making a commitment to using positive language and making positive statements. It may seem like a small step but could make a huge difference to someone’s day.
3. BE OPEN TO LEARNING.
From the moment we are born and enter the world we are learning. Acknowledging that we don’t know everything, and in some cases, we’re going to fail opens us up to the process of learning and cultivates a growth mindset towards learning new things. Whether you realise it or not, we are all lifelong learners and this can do so much for us. We learn more about ourselves as well as others, and in turn helps us become better versions of who we are and how we show up in our communities and the world. As humans, we can have the tendency to puff our chests and act like we know everything. Perhaps it’s an element of survival, or a way to save face, either way it sucks and we have to change it. Honestly, we can’t really know something unless we have experienced it in the same way, under the same circumstance, but what we can do is listen and learn what we can about the experiences of others. “Do not pretend to know something you have not experienced” – Rumi
4. SET BOUNDARIES.
This one isn’t just about setting boundaries with others but also setting boundaries with yourself. Boundaries can be perceived as harsh, but they are also an integral part of self-care and a way of keeping your needs from being put last. If you consider yourself a compassionate person, you may feel called in when someone is in need or offer your help before it is asked, and making yourself available to others is something you may be used to. Considered an amicable quality, the flip side of this is that your offer or expectation of help can become a burden. You may experience compassion burnout and experience overwhelm by the dependency of others. Prioritise self-care and aim on keeping your cup full before you hold space for others. You may feel riddled with a sense of guilt, but these boundaries will not only protect your energy, but can also lead to healthier relationships and improved selfesteem. After sharing some of my tips above, I realise that there is so much more I could add, as well as the various topics and perspectives I could dive into, but like with most discussions, there comes a point where I must conclude. Composing this article has been one of my most challenging yet, and not because I don’t have a lot to say, but attempting to offer guidance, support and perspective is somewhat limited to my own experience and of those who have opened up to me or worked with me. But please do believe me that I hear you, I feel you and wholeheartedly hope that you have all been able to navigate your way through this unprecedented time. So, what are my final words to you all as we see out 2021?
When we have choice, choose wisely. Always choose to heal, not to hurt. To forgive not to despise. Choose to persevere and not to quit. Choose smiles over frowns, choose love over hate. Live a life that matters, for at the end of the day, it’s not about what we bought, but what we built, not our competence but our character, and not our success but our significance. Focus not on what you have, but what you’ve shared and live a life that matters, a life that cares. After all, YOU matter, you always will.
I feel honoured and blessed to have been able to share myself and my thoughts as a contributor in Hair Biz Magazine for 2021 and look forward to sharing more with you all in 2022.
