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Sin t a h Sint o e y! doc rklaa ks s’ N in A stea
Showdown: Santa vs. Sint
m Sch ovembe sterdamboat eep va r nea m 13 See art Mu r the ams sinti seum . terd nam. nl
For when you’ve had too much eggnog to tell them apart, Marie-Charlotte Pezé has prepared a handy guide to help you (and your kids) distinguish between the two. Illustration Eryc Simmerer
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1. Historical origins Sinterklaas is really a representation of Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of children, and therefore has been celebrated since the Middle Ages. Santa Claus, on the other hand, is of dubious and bastardly origins. A character created from a mix-and-match of Sinterklaas, Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas, he made his first literary appearances in the early 19th century, though many people seem to believe the myth that Coca-Cola created Santa. 2. Fashion statements Like a 1980s Madonna, Sint likes his religious iconography. He accessorises his iconic red cape-like chasuble and white bishop’s alb with ostentatious religious headgear – a red and golden mitre. You’re either a saint or you ain’t. Santa is a little less stately, rocking what appears to be a comfy red Juicy Couture track suit with white trimmings and a thick black belt. At least his famous furry red hat doesn’t make him look like a conehead. 3. Property portfolio Santa has a house and workshop up at the North Pole, where he and his team of elves spend the year manufacturing gifts for well-behaved children. (Nobody knows the location of the mine where he extracts the coal bestowed upon the naughty kids.) Sinterklaas could have migrated to the Netherlands, where he’s more widely celebrated and would have benefited from the 30 per cent tax ruling, but he chose to reside in Saint Nicholas’ country of origin, Spain – where, granted, the warmer weather’s probably better for his old bones. 4. Religious affiliation Both have loose affiliations with Christianity. On top of his saintly ancestry and canonical bishop outfit, Sinterklaas walks around with a golden crosier with a curled top, the pastoral staff carried by high-ranking Catholic, Orthodox and Protestant prelates. While he’s dropped the religious garb for a jollier outfit, it’s hard to say that Santa Claus is entirely secularised since he shows up when we’re busy celebrating the birth of Christ, which can’t be a vague coincidence.
5. Visiting hours As mentioned, Santa Claus shimmies on down the chimney to deliver the goods the night before Christmas, 25 December, while our kids, high on sugary treats, hang their heads out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the sleigh. Do you remember seeing it, a few roofs away? I sure do. Sint, who is always trying to one-up the competition, arrives in fanfare on a steamboat mid-November. He spends a couple of weeks parading into town while waiting for gift-giving night, 5 December, the eve of Saint Nicholas’s day. 6. Personality disorders They’re both inveterate egomaniacs. Santa is a commercial whore who signed a fruitful sponsorship agreement with Coca-Cola back in the 1930s and spends many weekends before Christmas trolling malls and shopping centres for photo ops (which, in the spirit of Christmas,
are never free). But don’t be fooled by Sinterklaas’ unsmiling Protestant demeanour; his extravagant parades that meander around the city are just an excuse for glad-handing throngs of screaming children, like any good shameless presidential candidate (giving out candy and pepernoten in place of false promises). 7. Labour practices Of course, there’s been decades of controversy about Sinterklaas’ Zwarte Pieten, the children with a black face and Moorish attire who accompany him on his travels. Not only does he indulge in child labour, but that ‘oh, their faces are black from the soot’ excuse just doesn’t hold any water. Nobody’s ever come out of a chimney looking like Bert Williams. Meanwhile, surprisingly, Santa Claus seems to have gotten away with exclusively employing little people, which is certainly a form of discrimination in itself.
You’re either a saint or you ain’t
8. Dietary preferences One look at these guys is enough to determine which one has adoring children placing cookies and milk (or whisky, depending on your father) at the foot of the chimney for snack-time, while the other excitingly receives a carrot or hay for his horse. Yay, carrots. 9. Pets They each rely upon their faithful animals for transportation. Sint has a chic white-grey horse, while Santa’s been snacking on so many cookies that it takes a sleigh and nine flying reindeer (including Rudolph and his red nose) to get him off the ground. 10. Disciplinary procedure Both keep track of the nice and the naughty, to make sure the miscreants don’t receive that must-have fire truck or peeing doll. Instead, Santa will deposit a lump of coal in their Christmas stocking. Sinterklaas, a tiny bit more radical, snatches delinquents in their sleep, stuffs them in a bag and takes them back to Spain where they’re beaten with a scourge. Now you know why no one ever jay walks in Amsterdam.
November 2011 www.timeoutamsterdam.nl 69