My Marriage Was A Mistake, I Regret Marrying Him.
I was in a shopping mall recently and one woman there created an unforgettable scene in that mall when she busted in tears. What was the cause of her tears? It was another woman, a friend of hers that met her in that mall and asked her of her husband, how her husband was doing? The woman busted in tears saying, “I am no longer living with him, my marriage to him was a mistake.” I picked interest in what woman said and came outside the mall and waited for the woman. When that woman came outside, I called her aside and showed her my articles in evergreen marriage website, convincing her that I am a marriage counselor. After looking at me for a while, I got the woman’s trust and conviction and then she opened up and told me her story. According to her, she still repeated that her marrying Jonny was a mistake. I asked her why she said so and to my shock, I found out that it was the woman who abandoned her husband; she had a very high expectation about marriage before she got married to Jonny. The woman said that her ex-husband had totally changed in some areas but refused to change in other areas she wanted him to change. I personally took note of four things or areas she felt her husband had changed and two areas she felt that her husband refused to change. After listening to her, I was blunt to tell her that even though I don’t know her husband, that the problem with her marriage with Jonny was selfishness – that the two of them that is she and her ex – husband were selfish.
On the part of the woman, I told her that she had a very high expectation from her husband while as she offered so a little. Before they married and as well as close to a year after they got married, her husband was doing many things to keep their marriage going which kept her happy. The woman on her part was not reciprocating on what Jonny was doing for her and even took Jonny for granted, in fact, would say that she took advantage of Jonny her husband. Incidentally after a while, her husband got fed up and frustrated and he stopped doing most of the things he was doing for her before. That was why the woman said that her husband had totally changed. Due to her selfishness, she was expecting that her husband to keep doing for her those good things he was doing for her before. Again, because of the attitude of the woman, her husband was adamant and continued do those things the woman had complained about. That was why the woman complained that her husband had refused to change. What did you get from the above incident? Of a truth, the case of many couples is like that of the woman above, they were expecting so much from their spouses while as they were offering so a little. Many spouses got frustrated by the negative attitude of their spouses. So I ask you have a very high expectation from your spouse or there are things that you are expecting from your spouse that will make you happy and fulfilled. Those expectations are not wrong. But the question
is, “to what extent are you meeting up with the expectations of your spouse from you”? Have you asked yourself whether your spouse is happy and fulfilled about his or her marriage relationship with you. As he or she had done things that are making you happy and fulfilled are you doing things that make him/her happy and fulfilled? That is, whether you are fulfilling the expectation of your spouse?. As said earlier, many spouses are expecting much from their spouse but they are not ready or willing to offer as much as they were expecting. The solution lies in striving to do those things that bring happiness and fulfillment to your spouses. The truth of the matter is that “if you succeed in making your spouse happy and fulfilled, you will end up being happy and fulfilled yourself”. It is selfishness on your part for you to expect much while you are offering so a little. So I will boldly tell you that your marrying that man or woman is not a mistake, you are the mistake. Stop pointing accusing fingers on your spouse accusing him or her as the cause of the problems in your marriage. You are the mistake and the cause of problems in your marriage. Stop grieving and expecting your spouse to change, you are the one that need to change. Of a truth, if you succeed in changing, you will observe that your marriage will move forward for the better. Until I come your way again, stay committed to fulfilling the expectations of your spouse. Shalom.