A Thoughtful Gesture

By Grace Holden

A pair of squirrels maniacally chasing each other around the pavement had captivated my attention. I loved my new teacher’s classroom; in the very back seat, I had a perfect view through the window into the courtyard. My attempt at drowning out the nasally voice of my teacher and chemical smell from the Expo markers was cut short when I heard the heavy door swing open. Piercing blue bug-eyes were peering out from behind an older blonde woman who greeted Ms. Mellyn. The girl looked my age, although she seemed way too shy for 5th grade. After all, we were the big kids now! Ms. Beal had introduced herself and Symone to the class, while gesturing and moving her hands in a way that made Symone study the movements and return the confusing gestures. The whispers bouncing around the classroom had become entirely overwhelming. Sign Language, I immediately recognized. I gave Symone a welcoming smile and half-wave as she came to fill the seat right next to mine.

The entirety of my school day was filled with brainstorming ideas on how to become friends with her. It was true that I had yet to learn about her hobbies, personality, family, and more, but I had been completely enthralled with the fact that we had something in common. This being that we both had hearing problems. At this point in my life, I had never met anyone else that had the same difficulties as me, aside from my Mom. Symone’s hearing was significantly worse than mine. I could recognize that she had hearing aids in both ears. I had also observed that they not only had pink housing (the part of a hearing aid that hooks behind your ear), but they also had a sparkly purple ear mold and flower stickers on them. They were such a unique tell of personality that I wanted to compliment her on. However, if I wanted to tell her this, I had to go about it in a way that was new for me. I had to learn Sign Language.

Ever since my hearing test at the very end of 4th grade—which I had failed with flying colors—it was suggested that I receive a pair of hearing aids to assist me. As an 11-12 year old, it was an intimidating process for me. I did not want to be set apart from the people around me in any way. I did not want my friends to see that I was struggling with something that they thought only “old people” did. That afternoon when I brought home the paper explaining the state of my hearing, I found myself becoming less embarrassed and defensive about the topic of getting hearing aids. My mom was initially skeptical about my sudden change in feeling. As it turned out, Symone had a larger impact on me than I initially perceived. The conversation seemed all the more fitting when I realized that the normal speaking volume in my house was yelling; because my mom could not hear. I was suddenly faced with this compelling opportunity to learn a new skill. And at the same time make it easier for the individuals around me to do something that so many take for granted, having a conversation. I was ultimately determined to go back to school the next day and ask Symone how to start.

It was simply a matter of days before I became very close with Symone. Ms. Mellyn was giving every effort into including Symone in lessons, as well as teaching the class as a whole how to sign the alphabet. I would stare at my fingers creating different shapes to communicate what I wanted to say. The biggest feeling of relief and pride came over me when Symone understood what I was saying. To say that I was eager to learn is an understatement. We formed a group at lunch rightfully called “The Lunch Bunch.” Which included Ms. Beal, Symone, another classmate named Ada, and me. We would meet every day after going through the lengthy lunch line and walk to a classroom next to the main office. It was a more quiet space for us to learn Sign Language in depth and have Symone express herself in a less intimidating environment. Back in the regular classroom, we would start with signing our names, which was a fun activity because Symone told us that we could make the sign for our name be whatever we wanted it to be! Mine was the letter “G” (hold up a fist facing outwards and then stick your pointer and thumb out, as if gesturing that something is tiny) held over my head, moving in a circle. The significance of this was creating the shape of a halo over my head, correlating the meaning of “grace” (Pretty deep for a 5th grader, right?). Although I was thrilled to learn some basic signs and phrases in class, I was wanting to learn more than the baseline.

I was and still am lucky enough to have a teacher as my Mom. Her main student population is special needs adults and toddlers. With this being true at the time when I was first learning Sign Language, she already had books of Sign at home because a main form of communication for people that are non-verbal is Sign. I flipped through the very first book titled “Baby Sign Language” and I figured that I would start there and be able to work my way up to more complicated words. With each day passing, Ms. Beal and Symone would become more impressed with my ability to pick up this new skill. The alphabet, numbers, and basic phrases became muscle memory for me, and I could not have felt more proud of myself. The biggest form of gratitude that I experienced was being there emotionally and supportively for Symone. She had already been so self sufficient in the way that she read lips and felt for vibrations, etc. But when her interpreter was not there during recess, I was helping her communicate with other people. When she went to the nurse, I helped her explain what she was feeling. When she just needed a friend to talk to and gossip, she didn’t have to talk to her 30-year old interpreter; she had a friend that understood.

At such a young age, I was gaining this valuable experience that few people had the opportunity to. It was incredible to me that I could now communicate with a broad range of people without using verbal words. I found myself practicing by signing everything I said. If I did not know a word, I could look it up and remember it for next time. In addition to it being an amazingly gratifying feeling to sign with people, it was at times frustrating. It took some adjustment to transition from talking verbally with one classmate, then having to talk verbally and use Sign when talking to Symone. In addition, there were also days when I was upset or mad and I did not want to talk to anyone. Normally, if you are someone who can hear, you will see someone, or rather “hear,” that they are not talking. You have the ability to observe their facial expressions as well in order to assume that they do not want to engage that day. When you take away the hearing sense, the only thing that they have to rely on is your facial expressions. You could imagine that the situation becomes even more frustrating when they ask what is wrong or attempt to sign, and I did not respond. Perhaps a more imaginable scenario would be to place yourself in an environment where everyone speaks a different language than you. Suddenly, you have people all around you that are telling you what is making them sad, excited, and angry; you want so badly to share those experiences with them and help but all you can do is say that you can’t understand them. This is the world that not only deaf/hard of hearing (HOH) people live in, but also the majority of individuals with a mental difference.

My experience as someone who is HOH has been, and always will be one that is ever changing. I am grateful to be able to communicate almost regularly in every situation with others. This in turn allows me to have the privilege to teach others about communicating with the deaf/HOH community. Nevertheless, I continue to experience hardships in unpredictable environments. For example, a restaurant or loud event, in which I often am ignored or excluded from the conversation entirely because I cannot hear or have asked someone to repeat themselves too many times. Apart from my own experiences, I regularly observe people being rude to my Mom, who is almost completely deaf and has hearing aids. I often have to talk for her in louder environments or when someone is being too soft spoken. When someone does not consider that people have different struggles than them, their imme- diate response is to assume that my Mom is being rude or ignoring them. It is no one’s responsibility to automatically know others’ hardships or experiences, but it should be everyone’s responsibility to treat people with kindness and grace. Everything can be a learning opportunity.

Throughout all of the different experiences in my short lifetime, I believe that we do not have to identify with the identities we have if we do not choose to, but they do contribute to how we interact with people and view the world as a whole. To elaborate, I realize that being HOH is something that I will always struggle with and carry close to me, but it is not who I am entirely. Symone’s interactions are formed around being deaf. With every new person she meets, she is often obligated to say that she is deaf in order to communicate. But she is so much more than someone who is deaf; she is funny, sarcastic, and loving. Likewise, the fact that I am HOH is something that could set me apart, but it is not what completes my identity as a valuable person. Learning Sign Language has been one of the many journeys that has helped me become a more patient and kind human. Symone had gone to a school for the deaf and blind in high school. After she left our school, I of course had no consistent practice with Sign, but I still maintain well beyond the basics. Most of my experience comes from teaching others basic signs; my friends enjoy learning. I also taught toddlers at my previous job signs that they could use to communicate the things they did not have words for yet. My current job includes having to occasionally speak with a customer in Sign. It feels so amazing to see a deaf or special needs customer feel welcomed and be relieved when they do not have to type out everything that they want; or when a coworker introduces me to a customer to help them communicate.

Interacting with people is something that is so easily taken for granted because most of us do it every day. In this way, it is easy for us to become impatient with people that do things differently. Learning an entire language is daunting in any form and is a skill that should have purpose and drive behind it. I have always reiterated my opinion that learning the Sign Language alphabet is easy. If you learn the alphabet and possibly some numbers, you can communicate with someone who is deaf/HOH and uses Sign. This is entirely worth the amount of time spent learning it, and can open up so many opportunities in the world. Any chance to impact someone’s life with a kind gesture is worth going out of your way for.

Grace Holden is a Global Studies major with a minor in Studio Art. She is from Hull, Massachusetts and was born on Leap Year.