From Dizzy Heights to Dozy Lows by Margaret Simms

From Dizzy Heights to Dozy Lows: An Appreciation of the Challenges Overcome by Women Researchers in Mid Life

Margaret C. Simms 2000

Important message to all educated readers! At the time of writing I was newly enrolled onto a part-time Ph.D. I had stumbled upon an online ‘Call for Papers’. Not having a clue how to submit a proposal and feeling sure I had missed the deadline anyway, I telephoned for more information. I can only say, “Don’t try this at home!” because I was given an extra few days to submit my proposal. To save face I decided to ‘Google’ my way through ‘how to write a submission’, submitted and was accepted. Not funny! Now I was in even deeper. Anyway, the eventual conference presentation was very well received (but I might tell you about that another time). In the meantime, I offer this article by way of encouragement to others who are studying – for anything – especially Ph.D. If I may add a word or two of advice: Build your knowledge bank by absorbing other people’s experience and knowledge and sharing your own. Don’t put peers on a pedestal and never climb up there yourself because, as someone once said, “The more you know the more you know you don’t know.”

Preamble When the woman in me wanted more, and the man beside me thought I should have it, we enrolled me on to a Ph.D. From Dizzy Heights to Dozy Lows: An Appreciation of the Challenges Overcome by Women Researchers in Mid Life explores the rationale behind a group of women in mid professional life deciding they want more. It examines the concept of being and becoming a researcher and investigates some of the challenges they have overcome in pursuit their goal. Climbing Mount Everest or abseiling the Eiffel Tower held, for them, less appeal than taking on the ultimate challenge of achieving doctoral status. This study of seven successful career women from five different nations, brought together by their thirst for knowledge, reveals the intense pressure and enormous hurdles faced and overcome daily in pressing onwards toward their doctoral goals.

Academia and a certain level of research intertwine in the Working Life portfolio of many established ‘education professionals,’ but opening up a whole new file for Ph.D. research bring its own challenges and surprises. This study examines progression from educational professional status into a higher and deeper level of academic research in parallel with expectations placed upon multi-talented, multi- skilled women - some of whom were also enduring professional break up and identity crisis. When I began the expedition from “Just a Mum,” to ‘Educational Researcher’ I had little concept of how rewarding, how difficult, how enriching, how totally unpredictable the trek was going to be. Significant others demarcate the route of my tempestuous ‘dizzy heights’ and ‘dozy lows’. Of course my Ph.D. journey was unique to me, but reflected in my peers were similarities deserving of a closer look. We had all achieved educational professional status in various fields from Early Years to Higher Education. Was that not enough? We had all displayed absolute elation or total despair after Ph.D. supervision meetings. It was at such times at these that we took solace in the fact that we were lone trekkers together. We were all multi talented, multi skilled women wanting more. I was curious to find out whether the similarities ended there and what challenges this particular group of women had overcome in their pursuit of a doctorate.

Flossie, Kelone, Lydia, Min, Pam, Sheine

Britain, Botswana, China, Malawi, America

Thankyou

Women are not unique in the pursuit of knowledge; indeed men too tend to show more than a little interest in academia. The women in this study hailed from five different nations, their pursuit of knowledge converging at the point of educational research. They were at various stages of Ph.D. from the very beginning to the very end of the current research journey. Each revealed descriptions of enormous barriers they faced on a daily basis - some of which resonated amongst the study group - such as protecting the Ph.D. process from physical as well as mental elements, whilst others remained unique to the extreme as this email extract from one woman revealed: “We are at last connected to the civilised world! We lost power at 4 o’clock as the wall of 145 miles per hour winds hit the harbour. Amongst the complete write offs there are a few homes still standing.”

Whilst undertaking the Ph. D. education research journey is no joke but it can be a barrel of laughs - as all the women in the study discovered and readily shared.

The study

Criteria for inclusion in the study were that participants must be Ph.D. students, female and available for face-to-face interview. All of the women approached accepted the invitation to take part in the study and saw it through to completion.

Individual conversations were held between me and each of the six female participants in which were shared their experiences of being women researchers.

Interviews took place at various convivial locations and tended to include coffee or lunch. An interview schedule was deemed inappropriate if the research was to capture the gut feelings and experiences of participants. However, the importance of an effective research strategy remained high on the agenda. A compromise of the two resulted in ‘lazy data’ being gathered as follows: Each individual conversation began with the question, “Do you think you are being or becoming a researcher?” Subsequent questions and answers spilled out in each case as discussions deepened. Interview technique included the use of prompts and chords. Prompts being invitations to discuss points that the researcher particularly wanted to cover and chords being a drawing together of threads relating to experiences of researched and researcher participants. Conversations were audio taped and later transcribed, with each participant consenting to the use of appropriate data as evidence in the research. Data considered by participants to be of a confidential nature remains so and is not been divulged in the paper, or at any time since.

In the analysis, the fabric of the conversations was unravelled to reveal themes of ‘dizzy heights ‘and ‘dozy lows’ experienced by the participants as they lived through and overcame an onslaught of challenges.

Findings are presented in two parts, firstly a brief overview of the themes teased out from the data and secondly a synthesised conversation between two representative women, whose experiences are made up of components from the experiences of all seven participants.

The paper gives precedence to emergent themes from the data relating to personal experience, over the scholarly debates around ‘What is research?’ and ‘What counts as research?’ The intention being to foster reader appreciation of the role of significant others in the process, the fears, expectations, loneliness, professional jealousy, sacrifice, tactics and sheer determination displayed women researchers in mid life.

Themes: Significant others Significant others associated with the study group, included husbands, partners, mothers, children, work colleagues and cats. The group agreed with Wood (2000) that their study supervisors were intelligent and assertive seeing the student’s success as their job. Significant others were reported to have mixed feelings about the women’s involvement with research at this level from pedestal type pride to indifference. Occasionally comments such as “I’m really proud of you” and “You are all mad” went hand in hand.

Theme: Fears Lack of confidence made way to a fear of being totally inadequate and not getting through the next academic hurdle, not having time to study, getting to grips with theory and theoretical framework, or simply not being good enough to write the thesis were all common ‘dozy low’ experiences amongst the group. So too was the fear of finishing the thesis but not passing the Ph.D. Once overcome many of these fears appeared to the women to be totally irrational but a worthwhile experience the knowledge of which they could pass on to others who followed hot on their heels. Malpo (2000) adopted strategies to address her fears, which she came to view as challenges.

Theme: Expectations Unanimously the women held expectations of support, encouragement and reassurance of where they had been and to where they were going. This was sought from family, friends, Ph.D supervisors and tutors and particularly from other students. One woman felt no strong desire to seek support or encouragement from her peers in taught sessions; another appreciated this kind of support as the majority of her study took place at a distance and in seclusion.

Loneliness Most of the women spoke of extreme waves of loneliness. Loneliness was no respecter of environment. It crept up on the women whether they were studying in America, Botswana, Britain, China or Malawi. It happened in libraries, studies, parks, mountains and deserts. Timing was generally when the women were experiencing ‘dozy lows’ for example, having lost a reference for a really essential quote. Occasionally loneliness could also bite when a ‘dizzy height’ had been reached but significant others did not understand acknowledge or fully appreciate the triumph.

Professional jealousy

Half the group related tales of perceived professional jealousy where they had been poorly treated in work or in extreme cases been forced out of work.

Sacrifice

Sacrificial giving was recognised in significant others by the majority of the study group. Giving of time, setting aside of family finances for study fees and resources, creative making of space for the Ph.D. clutter of desk, P.C., books, files, and more files.

Tactics and sheer determination

Tactics and sheer determination had kept the women on track in maintaining the Ph.D. vision through the trouble and strife of every day life. Commonly feelings of coming to the end of their supply of intellect or just having gone far enough overtook half of the group. “I just can’t do it” being a frequent cry. Tactics for overcoming the desperation of ‘dozy lows’ included tidying up, cradling a teddy bear, stroking a purring cat and giving in to a good cry. Talking to and emailing significant others were well used techniques for replenishing the stock of sheer determination that sometimes was all they had to keep them going.

Synthesised conversation

The ensuing dialogue, between two representative and fictitious women named Nicola and Angela, is a synthesis of all six conversational interviews, incorporating the views and experiences expressed by one, some and all of the study group women.

Nicola:

Do you consider yourself to be a researcher?

Angela:

I have always been a researcher since I realised I could be ‘researchful.’ The realisation came to me when I started asking a lot of questions about what I was doing.

Nicola:

Does that mean that everyone is a researcher of some kind?

Angela:

Good question. It depends on what you are doing at the time.

Nicola:

Do you think asking questions is research?

Angela:

I think it is the beginning of being ‘researchful.’

Nicola:

I am struggling with what research really is because I do practical work. I try things out then throw them away. Am I researching?

Angela:

I think you are trying things out as a researcher, otherwise you are not sure about things - you just go and do it. So you are being a researcher in that way.

Nicola:

Doing Ph.D. is it being a researcher or becoming one? I think being a researcher about a frame of mind?

Angela:

Yes, a process, becoming a researcher is a state of mind I think more than anything else. ‘Becoming,’ because you are a learner, every researcher is a learner. That’s how I like to put it, because research is learning. Of course we are students we are intensively learning1 but our supervisors are also learning from this process. We all research in some way but being totally committed to your own research project is different. It is a lot more demanding and difficult than I expected. I have always wanted to do a Ph.D. It’s just the doing of it, even if I don’t get to the end. But it is scary.

Nicola:

If it’s scary why do you do it?

Angela:

Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean that I won’t do it. There are some things I want to do; I’m genuinely interested in. Why did you start the research?

Nicola:

The woman in me wanted more and the man beside me thought I should have it, so we enrolled me on to a Ph.D. I was really interested in it.

Angela:

The Ph.D.?

Nicola:

Yes, but also a subject. You have to be interested in something; there needs to be a goal. I had to change focus when I changed jobs though because of access to the people whose experiences I wanted to research.

Angela:

Yes, I remember. That is just what happened to me.

Nicola:

After I did the Master's Degree I would have liked to do more study but it was absolutely impractical so I had to wait. Some people do it because they think it will be good for their career. I did it to fulfil what I felt I could do and wanted to do. I did three degrees while I was working and had a family.

Angela:

Me too. We could have been singers.

Nicola:

In all those years I never felt I had a voice.

Angela:

So is this your way of being heard?

Nicola:

Yes and it’s about talking to people and encouraging them to have a voice and be confident in it. I wonder do we all have the same difficulties.

Angela:

When I have the time I can’t think of things to do. When I can think of things to do I don't have the time to write them down or do anything about them.

Nicola:

That’s a big factor for me too. We have so many other things going on.2

Angela:

My prime difficulty is getting to grips with theory and theoretical frameworks. It’s so academic and I’m used to being practical.

Nicola:

I remember saying when I started that I’m not an academic I’m a people person. What rubbish. I now know I can and must be both. Fortunately we have a very good network of fellow ‘Fuds’ (Ph.D. students) to encourage us and put us straight. We all struggle to find the time to do the work.

Angela:

Can you find the books you need in the library?

Nicola:

Oh (big sigh) libraries.

Angela:

You don’t do libraries; you seriously don’t do libraries do you?

Nicola:

I have panic attacks I think. They make me feel so dozy. The only place I feel safe is the ‘magazine corner’, where the journals are. I’m quite comfortable there. I know where to find the ones I need and I can hide in the corner. But I’ve looked and looked for backdated journals I just don’t know where they are. I’ve just given up.

Angela:

Ask the librarian if he’s got them hidden in the back. That’s what they are there for.

Nicola:

I know but I’m sick of not knowing and I’m fed up of asking.

Angela:

Get them to do some research on what you want.

Nicola:

The library is just my ‘dozy low’.

Angela:

Well I like the library. I’m happy in there, basically it’s because I haven’t got my students round me.

Nicola:

All the books I need are on the top shelf and I’m only 5 feet tall.

Angela:

Mine are usually on the bottom and I’m 6 feet, you should worry!

Nicola:

I go and ask for books on so and so, then have to get someone to reach them for me. I just don’t like it.

Angela:

How do you feel about the Internet?

Nicola:

I’m fine with the Internet except that it can waste a lot of time.

Angela:

Well if you are happy with the Internet what is the difference between the Internet and the library? They are both just libraries.

Nicola:

Noooo! Nobody is watching me on the Internet.

Angela:

So, pretend there’s nobody watching you in the library.

Nicola:

But they are!

Angela:

They are not!

Nicola:

If I was at home I could spend days and days looking for something and I’d feel so stupid but nobody else would be there so that’s okay.3

Angela:

I could get totally frustrated with the internet because I can’t find what I want. What I need is an index and there isn’t one. That really annoys me. I haven’t got enough time at the moment either. That is one of my ‘dozy lows’, not having time to just go and sit in the library. That really is a low actually. It just niggles at me all the time. The really ‘dozy low’ came the other day when I had finally found my way round the journals sections. Some of them were on line but they started the year after the bit I wanted.

Nicola:

Then you’ve got to go to the library and find it.

Angela:

Well that’s fine but it’s a long way and it is for you as well.

Nicola:

True.

Angela:

But I might have solved that by using a library in closer university.

Nicola:

My ‘dizzy height’ is finding a book that is any good to me.

Angela:

Good in what sense?

Nicola:

That I can read. Some of the terminology is completely made up.

Angela:

Nicola you can read all the books!

Nicola:

It’s got to have a picture on for a start and if it contains one thing that I need I am ecstatic. That gives me the encouragement to go again and find something else, maybe, one day next year. I just get this ‘I ought to be able to do it’ sort of feeling.

Angela:

Why?

Nicola:

I don’t know it’s probably something in my childhood.

Angela:

I took my nephew to the library he said it made him feel sick.

Nicola:

Yes, I know what he means. It is ridiculous isn’t it? I should be able to do it.

Angela:

Yes!

But everyone has their own great expectations. We just

need tactics for overcoming ‘Libra phobia.’

Nicola:

You know when you are in a research environment do you sit there thinking you still don’t know? We started [the Ph.D.] at the same time didn’t we?

Angela:

Yes and they were all using those big words and I thought, “Why are they talking like this?” They talk about their dissertations and I talk about fat essays; they [fat essays] are like an ordinary essay but a bit fatter.

Nicola:

It was the terminology we were uncomfortable with, I suppose. Researchers use proper big words and I can’t be doing … they are proper big words.

Angela:

They are hard, but I suppose terminology is the framework that your occupation is committed to. Computers are still one of my ‘dozy lows’. Actually I’m quite good on them I just don’t think I am. I always think everyone else is better at it [I.T.] than I am. Okay so I don’t know, I’ll ask somebody.

Nicola:

That’s a good attitude isn’t it?

Angela:

It depends whether you are the person being asked!

Nicola:

So is there a confidence thing in there?

Angela:

Oh yes. When I did the registration document [the first academic exam board hurdle] I found it incredibly difficult, but afterwards…

Nicola:

I know, you wonder why it took so long. Isn’t it strange? I still don’t know if I’m using the words correctly. Do you think it’s a mid life thing or…

Angela:

No, its personality. As I said, I never think I am as good as the others. I think I underestimate and undervalue myself. It’s hard.

Nicola:

It is. No matter how many times people tell you that you can do it, it’s still difficult to think you actually can. You know when you are feeling as though you really can’t do it, how do you keep going?

Angela:

I put it away and do something else. I like doing it but last year output suffered badly; but in terms of focussing and getting it sorted in my own head it has not been a wasted year. I know exactly what I want now. The real ‘dizzy height’ on that one was telling my supervisor that I was going to throw away all the work

I’d done and start again, she said “Good!” I hadn’t got access to what I needed and it was making me totally miserable. Nicola:

It’s like trying to keep a dead flower alive isn’t it? You are just fighting a losing battle.

Angela:

Yes, it’s a waste of time. But once you decide you can’t do that, you can plant another one. There’s usually a weed that comes up nearby that is actually prettier.

Nicola:

On my ‘dozy low’ days I always tidy up. I can’t begin to study until I’ve tidied up. Once the room is clean and tidy my mind is clearer. Then usually I can write a lot of rubbish and edit it later. What strategies do you use?

Angela:

I just write and write and write and then I stop and throw it away. 4

Nicola:

Do you have moments when you think you can do it?

Angela:

Yes, I wrote the transfer document [second academic exam board hurdle] in one month. I amazed myself! My supervisors said it was great. If it were that easy they’d say anyone could do it. I find it amazing. No matter how much I achieve, it’s not that you are looking for compliments or appreciation, but I’m one of those people that just wonders whether I can do it. It makes me more determined.

Nicola:

I’m absolutely determined to get there. So there’s time, and confidence, what else is there?

Angela:

What about those supervisors? I needed to find supervisors I could work with and who wanted to work with me. They had to be interested in my subject, be knowledgeable and respected in the field.

Nicola:

My supervisors kept asking me “What is your question?” I tried to see it as someone asking me what I wanted for dinner when there is a whole supermarket full of things to choose from. You know? I’d done masses of work but I felt as though I’d got nowhere and they kept on asking me “But what is your question?” Talk about a

‘dozy lows’! I was thinking “How long have you been here girl?” I’ve got one now of course and I’m sticking with for a while. Angela:

When people talk about the big question I don’t want to know, it’s too much for me to handle. I just want little bits to make me feel better - bite-sized chunks. I think the difficulty is the biggest challenge.

I wrote 1000 words on a theme once and it came

straight out of my head. That was exciting and challenging. The stage I’m at now is not exciting because I am so ‘in it.’ I know that I know but I’m looking at a blank page. When I get the chapter done it will be exhilarating. Nicola:

It’s one of those things, the more you know the more you know you need to know. The more I know the more ignorant I am. It’s like the library - a ‘dozy low’! So support is vital, from anybody.5

Angela:

Yes. It doesn’t take much to help you along the way. Just someone to say it looks good.

Nicola:

How hard is it to fit research around your work life?

Angela:

Impossible. I bend one to fit the other. This is the first time that I’ve been able to do it legitimately. I haven’t got to go and impose on anybody or go and say please.

Nicola:

When do you think you will be able wear the researcher badge?

Angela:

It depends on what context I’m working in. I don’t think I will wear the research badge because the minute you put that badge on people expect you to ask questions; they’ll tell me their life history, nine times out of ten I won’t be the slightest bit interested.

Nicola:

People would always be saying, “What are you researching?”

Angela:

I suppose when I’ve got a body of research accepted by somebody who actually understands research I’ll wear the badge.

Nicola:

Yes, that’ll be a ‘dizzy height’.

Angela:

It’ll be a miracle!

Nicola:

A lot of people who ask me what I am doing would not understand if I told them I was doing a Ph.D., so I say that I am doing research into education it opens up conversation with a lot more people.

Angela:

That’s interesting. I suppose saying you are doing a Ph.D. can be quite a conversation stopper. I just say I’m doing a research course and leave it at that.

Nicola:

What about your friends though?

Angela:

Only those I’m close to know but they think I’m crackers any way. They don’t know why I’m doing it.

Nicola:

I’m still trying to work out the difference between being and becoming [a researcher].

Angela:

I suppose it is like being a teacher and becoming one.

Nicola:

Like being a teacher but always becoming a better one?

Angela:

Exactly. Look at most parents, they teach their children all the time. We are all teachers in that sense, we don’t always have the intention to teach but we do teach. There we are being. Becoming I suppose, is when you are training or qualifying or something. I certainly saw myself as being a researcher as soon as I enrolled for Ph.D.

Nicola:

As you were talking it made me think that being is like the day to day doing of it but becoming is in you. I remember thinking when we first started the Ph.D, that one woman was being totally unethical, I didn’t want to be like her; my ethics were so strict. Are you finding that you might alter this and that?

Angela:

No. It’s their views, not mine. I haven’t got the right to change it. Can you remember that man who knew exactly what he was going to find out? I don’t think that’s research because all you are doing is confirming what you think. You’ve got no openness there.

Nicola:

Do you think you have power or perceived power as a researcher?

Angela:

As you start to gain confidence about yourself, some degree of power. So start now to say, no matter what they say I will start asking questions, somewhere lays an answer. It is power really because people look up to you for doing it. Some people can be in awe of you, other people think it’s an absolute waste of time.

Nicola:

Do you think people at work find it threatening? I do.

Angela:

Yes definitely. I’m sure they say, “What does she think she’s doing? What is she trying to prove?” It can cause divisions amongst staff once you’ve got your doctorate and they haven’t.

Nicola:

I never thought about what reaction it would have on work I just wanted to do it. I think it did cause reaction even though people say that they are supportive barriers do get put in the way; which could have been put in the way for any reason of course. All you really want is information. Sometimes you are seen as a threat aren’t you?

Angela:

Yes. People can think it’s a very arrogant thing to be doing.

Nicola:

It’s funny; we lack confidence yet others see us as arrogant.

Angela:

People can think you are a snob just wanting the title. I tell them I only want the gown and funny hat.

Nicola:

My children think it’s the funniest thing and the greatest thing. Talk about multi-skilled, multi-talented.

Angela:

What skills are you using as a researcher?

Nicola:

Dogged determination. You’ve got to have the patience and the determination. You have to think about yourself a lot more.

Angela:

It’s hard as a mother, a wife or even a woman, to allow yourself time.

Nicola:

It is. That’s a new skill, managing myself rather than as a mother, wife, wage earner.

Angela:

Definitely.

Nicola:

I wish I’d learned it earlier. I wouldn’t swap family time for anything but when there’s so much ironing to do … I try to manage what is going on so that I don’t get resentful.6

Angela:

I think it’s acknowledging it. I just saw it as my role and did it. I have no regrets. It is well worth the struggle, now I have another struggle with the added complications of being part time and a distance learner. I suppose the important thing is to get the right balance.

Nicola:

Maybe one becomes a researcher when the Ph.D. is accepted! What about being recognised as a researcher in Academia? When I got my first proposal accepted I thought it was a fluke. I didn’t think it was because I was a researcher or it was a wonderful piece of work. I suppose what I’m asking is when will you think you have been accepted as a researcher? 7

Angela:

I have always felt a researcher with my supervisors. They know me, I know them and they know what I am doing. At my research seminar I was addressed as a researcher. That was a public acknowledgement in my own university. I felt less isolated. When I got the paper in that publication it was part of becoming.

Nicola:

I met a man at university who said “I’m a researcher.” I thought “Oh good, that means they’ve got some money.”

Angela:

Maybe he was looking at who needed help with their Ph.D. fees. Was he just telling you that he was a researcher or did he want you to help him?

Nicola:

He just seemed to think it was an important thing to be.

Angela:

Oh yes. Titles are very important. He was defining himself as a researcher as opposed to being a lecturer who happens to do a bit of research on the side.

Nicola:

Going back to difficulties, does finance come in to it at all? It does with me.

Angela:

Yes it’s expensive. It’s a big commitment but it’s worth it.

Nicola:

Personally I feel it is very enjoyable later than the first year. Not in the first year. I went home on a wonderful high after doing that transfer document and the next week I was on a ‘dozy low’, I just couldn’t do anything. I just get over one hurdle and the next one is even more daunting. It’s like real life isn’t it?

Conclusions

All conversations highlighted a barrage of real difficulty validated by the testimony of the other women involved in the project; all of whom were acclaimed Encouragers and Celebrators in critical and close friendship with one another. All were intelligent and highly professional, living at the pinnacle of their life long educational as well as professional journey. All cited difficulty of the work and time for study as intense worry factors. None was ever too busy, too tired or to overwhelmed with life to reach out a hand to pull others up alongside them. All regularly experienced a total lack of confidence and insecurity which if left unchecked could, they thought, fester into a sense of deep failure and inadequacy whilst being and becoming researchers.

Common reasons for continuing the struggle were an intense interest in the subject, perceived acquisition of power to affect government policy and decision making and dogged determination which would not allow them to give up. Professional break ups, such as team disaccord in the workplace, institutional reorganisation or issues relating to being a government sponsored international student were perceived as hurdles to be overcome rather than barriers to being and becoming researchers.

The women endured incredible difficulties on a daily basis and were attacked by frequent crisis. For example the life threatening hurricane that hit earlier in the paper was an every day occurrence for one woman, writing the thesis in a second language quite normal to another, being worlds apart from husband and family another. There was a general acceptance of the potentially devastating affects of professional break up, the principal cause of which had been cited as professionally

jealousy.

Demoralisation

was

even

intense

when

accompanied by feelings of isolation and â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;alonenessâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; enabling the one mood to feed on the other. Interestingly the women tended to see each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s difficulties as huge but their own as just one of those things.

Most of the women had sacrificed Ph.D. time to fulfil family commitments. However the sacrifice was seen as two-way where husbands had helped with

fees, cooking and childcare and children had given IT lessons and in some cases assisted with analysis of data. Indeed more than once outsiders were reported to have made comments about the goodness of the husband who allows his wife to do a Ph.D., a point of view rigorously refuted by some of the study group.

Expectations varied, some women for example did not expect any particular help from family or close friends whereas others did. Most desperately needed and valued support from family and friends. Particular respect was paid to knowledgeable supervisors who somehow managed to keep on fanning the flames and pushing out the perceived boundaries of knowledge. There appeared to be more ‘dozy lows’ than ‘dizzy heights’ but the jubilation of the ‘dizzy heights’ overwhelmed the pain of the ‘dozy lows’ in every case. The conversations continue and the intention is to repeat the study one year hence when participants will further advanced in their studies and one of the group will have achieved doctoral status.

Bibliography Chantry, Karen. “Hearing Voices: The Early Years Practitioners Tale. An investigation in to the Experiences of Early Years Practitioners entering into Initial Teacher Training.” Ph.D. dissertation Nottingham Trent University, 2002. Malpo, K. K. (2000) in Gilling, M. (2000) Research the Art of Juggling. Wellington: Massey University. Griffiths, M. (1998) Educational Research for Social Justice; getting off the fence. Buckingham: OU Press. Griffiths, M., Windle, J, and Simms, M. (2004) ‘That’s what I’m here for’: Images of working lives of three academic and support staff within teacher education. Nottingham Trent University (Unpublished) Phillips, E.M. and Pugh, D.S. (1994) How to get a Ph.D. Bristol: OU Press. Simms, M. (1999-2004) Research Journal (Unpublished) Wood, P. (2000) in Gilling, M. (2000) Research the Art of Juggling. Wellington: Massey University.